"If we turn our heads and look away and hope that it will all disappear then they will - all of them, an entire generation of people. And we will have only history left to judge us."
On Tuesday, I Was a Prisoner of the 'Azkaban' DVD.
by Cooper Lewis November 28, 2004
As most Pottermaniacs know, the Prisoner of Azkaban DVD was released last Tuesday amidst a cry of ecstasy from the general public, who rushed into Target, Wal-Mart, and Best Buy to purchase these gems of cinematic pleasure.
The movie itself was absolutely amazing - much better than the first two. But it's the DVD I draw my issues with.
The great thing about DVDs is that they offer a great way to delve into the secrets of filmmaking, special effects, and the director's rationale behind his actions and directives. Probably the best examples of this out there are the Lord of the Rings: Extended Edition DVDs, each of which contains two (count them, two) DVDs chocked full of the secrets of special effects, set design, and actor interviews. I know that some Potter fans will cringe to see me compare LOTR to HP, but on the level of DVD craftsmanship, the Lord of the Rings is...basically, kicking our wizard butts. I watched, fascinated, for six hours of creating props, sets, costumes, and special effects be built for Elrond and company.
What does the Prisoner of Azkaban DVD offer in this mold? A few short clips about the Dementors, Buckbeak, the transformation of Lupin and Pettigrew, and about the zoo animals that were required - a hippo (did you all catch that one?), a rat (which was a robot anyway), and some crows and bats. It was all very interesting...and all under five minutes. I don't know what the DVD's creators were implying, but I don't have attention deficit disorder, and the clips didn't test the boundaries of my attention span at all. I mean for the Love of Dumbledore, they didn't even explain how they inflated Hagrid's body size!
To be fair, there were a lot of other things on the DVD Special Features disc...like extended scenes....five of them. I really don't think any of them are worth mentioning: Harry falling on the Knight bus, the sloppy and rushed Sir Cadogan plot, and some footage of a flying bird.
Also included were tours of Lupin's office and Honeydukes. I'm sorry, but these two things were the biggest wastes of my life next to ‘Brother Bear' and ‘Bring It On Again.' If you don't know, these tours consisted of the viewer pushing the side arrows, and friendly voice would say things in a mildly surprised tone, like "Oh, doesn't that look delicious - Jelly Slugs!" and "the kind owner of Honeydukes will give us a scoop of that - well, maybe not."
A few games were also included: like the INCREDIBLY (note the sarcasm) challenging find Scabbers and the DAUNTING Magic You May Have Missed, a multiple choice memory game that will show footage from the tape and then ask you a question about it.
What most of us looked forward to were the cast and crew interviews. Note right now that there was no new information or anything worth merit. But what kills me was who was doing the interviewing: some smarmy pretty boy and a shrunken head who jumped in with wisecracks that always seemed to involve his lack of hands. The interviews were amusing in the fact that the actors were as horrified by the duo's pathetic jokes as the viewers were, and their countenances showed it. (Michael Gambon looked horrified as the head asked him about a t-shirt - don't ask.) It was painfully obvious that the cast didn't want to be there, and the viewer didn't want to be watching it.
Here's the bottom line: the producers of the DVD targeted it toward five and six year-olds - little kids who would take great amusement by the Shrunken Jamaican head, and Finding Scabbers behind the choir. I don't know why anyone would say that this DVD exceeded their expectations, unless they were themselves five and six years old.
P.S. I'm not going to take this sitting down: I've already written a letter complaining about the obvious target audience of the DVD's Special Features.
Disclaimer: Veritaserum is run by fans and is for the fans. We are in no way official and are not affiliated with J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros., EA Games, Scholastic, or Bloomsbury. We do not own any of the characters in the books, movies, or games.
