Wow, I almost cried about the little girl. I knew Steph would have to do something soon, though I'm glad she didn't have to kill the girl.
What also surprises me is that Snape said something about a tracking spell on Steph's arm, though I've never read about that, only about the tracking spell on her pendant. Could you explain about that?
Poor Neville. He must have so many confused feelings going on inside himself. He knows Steph can't help it, but he still feels anger at the fact that his parents toturers have escaped. I would be incredibly confused.
I commed you on your excellent writing, and I love how your chapters are nice and long, you are one of the only writers to make nice long chapters. I wish you the best of luck with your graduation, and I can't wait to read the rest.
-Lauren
Full Version: The Unknown Potter
Chapter Eleven, one of the three Curses Voldemort placed on Stephanie was a tracking spell. This spell also made her pendant stop working when it was in contact with her skin. Because of this, the Order was no longer able to track her and she couldn't grasp the pendent or tap it to speak with anyone. I had to go back and double check that I had put that in there, you scared me a little! 
And I'm glad you appreciate the long chapters. I do that on purpose because I cannot stand stories where it takes you 5 minutes to read the chapter. With a story like this you can get into so much more depth.
Kristin
And I'm glad you appreciate the long chapters. I do that on purpose because I cannot stand stories where it takes you 5 minutes to read the chapter. With a story like this you can get into so much more depth.
Kristin
Ok then that's what I thought but I had to ask. 
This chapter was really good. I like how you changed the actual words so Steph fit in with the attack. I honestly thought it was very foolish of her however to say anything to Mr. Weasley, and I think she was very lucky that she was not punished. Also I was glad that Bellatrix got Cursed because it showed the true Voldemort, he punishes everyone who questions him.
Ginny's reaction was expected of course, because she has the same fiery temper as her hair would suggest.
I like how you fore-shadowed something to come when you said "Not thinking about the consequences, she penned a response." That really makes me want to know if Steph will shut down or will she give up on the diary and become the person that Voldemort wants her to be. The thing that makes me sad is that I believe this will tear Ginny and Steph's relationship apart. I am actually disappointed in the response although I can understand why she's upset.
I'm glad Steph followed Voldemort's orders and didn't ask for help, it's a better story I believe, but of course you already knew that.
Excellent work and I am really enjoying this story. Keep it up!
-Lauren
This chapter was really good. I like how you changed the actual words so Steph fit in with the attack. I honestly thought it was very foolish of her however to say anything to Mr. Weasley, and I think she was very lucky that she was not punished. Also I was glad that Bellatrix got Cursed because it showed the true Voldemort, he punishes everyone who questions him.
Ginny's reaction was expected of course, because she has the same fiery temper as her hair would suggest.
I like how you fore-shadowed something to come when you said "Not thinking about the consequences, she penned a response." That really makes me want to know if Steph will shut down or will she give up on the diary and become the person that Voldemort wants her to be. The thing that makes me sad is that I believe this will tear Ginny and Steph's relationship apart. I am actually disappointed in the response although I can understand why she's upset.I'm glad Steph followed Voldemort's orders and didn't ask for help, it's a better story I believe, but of course you already knew that.
Excellent work and I am really enjoying this story. Keep it up!
-Lauren
Thank you for your comments. I am really enjoying your speculation. I have a plan for Steph/Ginny, so we'll see how the diary entry affects their relationship...and if Steph had asked for help, Voldemort would have killed her. Then the story would be over. That wouldn't be any fun, now. Would it? I am trying really hard to keep the readers on the edge of their seats, and I hope I am succeeding.
We'll see how the story develops from here!
Kristin
We'll see how the story develops from here!
Kristin
Omg, i am a bad person! i did not leave my review!
Wow the chapter was amazing, and Mr. Weasley just allowed her to do that! my goodness it was fantastic and Voldy torturing Bella was surprisingly - (ok this sounds bad...) enjoyable, after all she has done! and my goodness, Ginny and Steph, oh my!!!
can wait for more!
*BR*
Wow the chapter was amazing, and Mr. Weasley just allowed her to do that! my goodness it was fantastic and Voldy torturing Bella was surprisingly - (ok this sounds bad...) enjoyable, after all she has done! and my goodness, Ginny and Steph, oh my!!!
can wait for more!
*BR*
I'm glad you enjoyed it! And we'll hear from both Mr. Weasley and Steph in the next chapter. And I know that I promised to have it up by today, but I don't think that is going to happen. The next two chapters are done, but I haven't been able to edit chapter nineteen. I have been all medicated, and I'm sure if I tried to edit the chapter it would be interesting to read what I could come up with. I will try to get it up by tomorrow, friday at the latest.
I want to thank you all for continuing to read my story. It is great to write something that others really enjoy reading!
I apologize again for not being able to get the next chapter up when promised.
Kristin
I will try to get it up by tomorrow, friday at the latest.I want to thank you all for continuing to read my story. It is great to write something that others really enjoy reading!
I apologize again for not being able to get the next chapter up when promised.
Kristin
Well I waited in anticipation for this next chapter and I highly enjoyed it. I don't have time to say much, so I'll write more when the next one comes up okay? Anyway keep up the great work, I'll write more later!
-Lauren
-Lauren
Well now I'm posting after myself, but that's okay because I have alot to say.
I'll start with chapter 19. I loved how most of it took place in Harry's POV. I like how Harry came to Sirius about Steph and how Mr. Weasley gave all the kids a talking to. The letter from Fred by the way, was very sweet. When Sirius sort of scolded Harry saying "Never question your sister's loyalty" that was really nice.
This is one of the main reasons why I like how you made the diaries so that everyone can read each other's entries. It makes it so that everyone will know what you say and when you messed up. When other people know, you can start to heal, that's my philosphy.
I like how the kids tried not to say Ginny's name when they said that someone blamed Steph for the attack on Mr. Weasley. Also the fact that none of the other Weasley's blamed her was very touching. Mr. Weasley's speech on what happened that night was very well written and I loved it. (I love everything lol)
The parts that were written in Steph's point of view were very cool. The fact that she can now choose when she feels emotions is different, but in a good way. Also when Steph realized that Voldemort is just power hungry, that was an excellent observation. It really hits home, and it makes you realize that yeah, that's really what it is about him.
Okay so I think that's all I wanted to say on that chapter.
Sadly, I have to go again, so hopefully I'll post my thoughts on chapter 20 tomorrow, while you're away and then I'll be all caught up before the next chapter comes out. Excellent work!
-Lauren
I'll start with chapter 19. I loved how most of it took place in Harry's POV. I like how Harry came to Sirius about Steph and how Mr. Weasley gave all the kids a talking to. The letter from Fred by the way, was very sweet. When Sirius sort of scolded Harry saying "Never question your sister's loyalty" that was really nice.
QUOTE
No one wanted to bring up the entry that Ginny had written to Stephanie.
This is one of the main reasons why I like how you made the diaries so that everyone can read each other's entries. It makes it so that everyone will know what you say and when you messed up. When other people know, you can start to heal, that's my philosphy.
I like how the kids tried not to say Ginny's name when they said that someone blamed Steph for the attack on Mr. Weasley. Also the fact that none of the other Weasley's blamed her was very touching. Mr. Weasley's speech on what happened that night was very well written and I loved it. (I love everything lol)
The parts that were written in Steph's point of view were very cool. The fact that she can now choose when she feels emotions is different, but in a good way. Also when Steph realized that Voldemort is just power hungry, that was an excellent observation. It really hits home, and it makes you realize that yeah, that's really what it is about him.
Okay so I think that's all I wanted to say on that chapter.
Sadly, I have to go again, so hopefully I'll post my thoughts on chapter 20 tomorrow, while you're away and then I'll be all caught up before the next chapter comes out.
Excellent work!-Lauren
Oh wow you have so much to say. Thank you for all your wonderful comments. Surprisingly, I find it easiest to write the communications between Sirius and Harry.
I really went back and forth when I created the diaries because I really wanted Steph to be able to write openly with Harry. But I also knew that I wanted Ginny to react that way, so it was just better to create it how I did...In addition, everyone can see the relationships that are forming. I think it's really sweet to see different sides of Neville and, especially, Ron.
The Weasley's not blaming Steph will prove to be very important in the story. So I had to find a way to bring that up! I'm happy that you enjoyed that part.
Thank you again for all your wonderful comments and I can't wait to hear what you have to say about chapter 20!
Kristin
I really went back and forth when I created the diaries because I really wanted Steph to be able to write openly with Harry. But I also knew that I wanted Ginny to react that way, so it was just better to create it how I did...In addition, everyone can see the relationships that are forming. I think it's really sweet to see different sides of Neville and, especially, Ron.
The Weasley's not blaming Steph will prove to be very important in the story. So I had to find a way to bring that up! I'm happy that you enjoyed that part.
Thank you again for all your wonderful comments and I can't wait to hear what you have to say about chapter 20!
Kristin
I just wanted everyone to know that the next chapter will be posted sometime on Tuesday. Have a great couple of days!
Erg sorry, I meant to post the next day but I wasn't able to go on the computer to type up my thoughts so it's a bit later than planned. But I'm still getting them out before the next chapter so I'll still be caught up.
Anyway, this chapter was one of the longer ones, so I have much to write. I'm glad you like that I have lots to say because I don't often write a whole lot about what I thought but I adore this story. 
So to start off, the chapter began with Ron talking to Fred and George. That was really sweet because even though Fred didn't want to admit to writing to Steph, George and Ron still found out. The comment "Ron just figured that there were things he would never understand about his brothers" was so sweet, it was a moment of true realization. The fact too that Fred wouldn't share how he contacted Steph was cool, because it was true to the Weasley twins nature. They were always secretive with their plans and I like how you kept it that way.
Next there was the attack on the Ministry Auror. That was a good piece of action, and I must say that what Dolohov and Bellatrix did was not very nice. Steph could have got in some serious trouble.
By the way, I believe that Max Brownwell is an original name is it not? I like it. 
When Dolohov threatened Steph, it was a pretty intense moment, but then she stuck up for herself and I was very proud of her. You know it's very weird to be writing like the characters are real, but I have to write like that or else my words get too complicated.
The section in Snape's POV was very well written, as everything is, and I liked how you brought the Pensieve incident into it. Also I like the fact that you mentioned Snape's secret of loving Lily Potter. That was really good.
Finally there was the Ministry attack, with the Prophecy. Steph's warning was great, though sadly it didn't work and Sirius was lost, as we all know.
I like how she wanted to go to perhaps warn the others, though she couldn't let Voldemort know it. Also the fact that Voldemort said no was perfect, if he had said yes, well I think that may have ruined it somewhat. Bellatrix getting Cursed again was great, though I believe Steph should not have left her room. The fact that she did though and then you ended it with Voldemort saying that she had left, and coming up the stairs to see her was the perfect cliffhanger. I've been speculating all weekend! 
I'm going crazy with suspense!
Well those are my thoughts on chapter 20. I love the story, as always keep up the excellent work, and I await chapter 21!
-Lauren
Anyway, this chapter was one of the longer ones, so I have much to write.
I'm glad you like that I have lots to say because I don't often write a whole lot about what I thought but I adore this story. So to start off, the chapter began with Ron talking to Fred and George. That was really sweet because even though Fred didn't want to admit to writing to Steph, George and Ron still found out. The comment "Ron just figured that there were things he would never understand about his brothers" was so sweet, it was a moment of true realization. The fact too that Fred wouldn't share how he contacted Steph was cool, because it was true to the Weasley twins nature. They were always secretive with their plans and I like how you kept it that way.
Next there was the attack on the Ministry Auror. That was a good piece of action, and I must say that what Dolohov and Bellatrix did was not very nice. Steph could have got in some serious trouble.
By the way, I believe that Max Brownwell is an original name is it not? I like it. When Dolohov threatened Steph, it was a pretty intense moment, but then she stuck up for herself and I was very proud of her. You know it's very weird to be writing like the characters are real, but I have to write like that or else my words get too complicated.
The section in Snape's POV was very well written, as everything is, and I liked how you brought the Pensieve incident into it. Also I like the fact that you mentioned Snape's secret of loving Lily Potter. That was really good.
Finally there was the Ministry attack, with the Prophecy. Steph's warning was great, though sadly it didn't work and Sirius was lost, as we all know.
I like how she wanted to go to perhaps warn the others, though she couldn't let Voldemort know it. Also the fact that Voldemort said no was perfect, if he had said yes, well I think that may have ruined it somewhat. Bellatrix getting Cursed again was great, though I believe Steph should not have left her room. The fact that she did though and then you ended it with Voldemort saying that she had left, and coming up the stairs to see her was the perfect cliffhanger. I've been speculating all weekend! I'm going crazy with suspense! Well those are my thoughts on chapter 20. I love the story, as always keep up the excellent work, and I await chapter 21!
-Lauren
The portion about Fred/Ron was really fun for me to write. I really liked Fred/George in the stories and I wanted to give them a somewhat more important role than they played in the books.
I needed another mission for Stephanie to go on, and the first to go on with Voldemort. The treatment that Dolohov/Bellatrix gave her just shows how much the Death Eaters despise her and will prove to be important. And yes, Max Brownwell is an original name and I liked it as well. I am horrible at making things up like names and spells and that is the reason why most of the spells in this story are silent. So, I was proud of myself.
It may not be too apparent, but I am trying to put in little hints about Snape's love for Lily and hatred for James. His relationship with Stephanie is important because he really cares for her, because she resembles Lily so much.
And the Ministry attack...I went back and forth about whether or not to include Stephanie. I just figured Stephanie would be too tempted to protect the others and things could go horribly wrong. The reason she left her room will become apparent in the next chapter. Even though she has grown so much, she is still a lot like her brother. She still has an impulsive streak that she cannot control at times. I also needed a way to develop Stephanie as I have planned...so this moment in time is very important for the storyline.
And I love that people talk about her as she is a real person. I am growing quite fond of her!
Thank you again for all of your comments, once again. I truly appreciate your taking the time to write such lengthy responses. I am interested to hear what you think of the next couple of chapters. Have a nice day!
Kristin
I needed another mission for Stephanie to go on, and the first to go on with Voldemort. The treatment that Dolohov/Bellatrix gave her just shows how much the Death Eaters despise her and will prove to be important. And yes, Max Brownwell is an original name and I liked it as well. I am horrible at making things up like names and spells and that is the reason why most of the spells in this story are silent. So, I was proud of myself.
It may not be too apparent, but I am trying to put in little hints about Snape's love for Lily and hatred for James. His relationship with Stephanie is important because he really cares for her, because she resembles Lily so much.
And the Ministry attack...I went back and forth about whether or not to include Stephanie. I just figured Stephanie would be too tempted to protect the others and things could go horribly wrong. The reason she left her room will become apparent in the next chapter. Even though she has grown so much, she is still a lot like her brother. She still has an impulsive streak that she cannot control at times. I also needed a way to develop Stephanie as I have planned...so this moment in time is very important for the storyline.
And I love that people talk about her as she is a real person. I am growing quite fond of her!
Thank you again for all of your comments, once again. I truly appreciate your taking the time to write such lengthy responses. I am interested to hear what you think of the next couple of chapters. Have a nice day!
Kristin
I'm so sorry for not having commented in a while! i was just so busy i didn't have time to come and read but i am here now and this fic has taken a unforeseen turn (thinking of the last chapter) which i must say is amazing and Stephy's worst fears fit the character so well and i love Snape in all of this, he is so sweet and it's incredible!
Great work, and sorry!
*BR*
but i am here now and this fic has taken a unforeseen turn (thinking of the last chapter) which i must say is amazing and Stephy's worst fears fit the character so well and i love Snape in all of this, he is so sweet and it's incredible!Great work, and sorry!
*BR*
Hiya! 
I really like you latest chapter, it is very good! What Voldemort is doing to Stephanie is just horrible. Making her face her worst fears repeatedly
I feel so sorry for her.
But Snape is so great! He keeps acting like a faithful servant towards Voldemort, so as to not jeopardize Stephanies life, and he has grown so fond of her. It must be hard for him, knowing that she is the daughter of James Potter whom he despised, but Steph reminds him of Lily, so he just likes her more and more. He is a great character
I hope they cant get Steph out of there without the trace, before she gets branded with the Dark Mark, or becomes totally brainwashed
Can't wait to read the next part!
I really like you latest chapter, it is very good! What Voldemort is doing to Stephanie is just horrible. Making her face her worst fears repeatedly
I feel so sorry for her.But Snape is so great! He keeps acting like a faithful servant towards Voldemort, so as to not jeopardize Stephanies life, and he has grown so fond of her. It must be hard for him, knowing that she is the daughter of James Potter whom he despised, but Steph reminds him of Lily, so he just likes her more and more. He is a great character
I hope they cant get Steph out of there without the trace, before she gets branded with the Dark Mark, or becomes totally brainwashed
Can't wait to read the next part!
Kristin I honestly don't know how you do it. You consistently come up with new ideas and keep the story interesting, whilst I am still trying to write the 17th chapter of mine. And you keep the chapters coming at a quick pace and they are a lot longer than mine!
In regards to the chapter, I loved it. I know I keep saying that but it's true. The punishment is somewhat what I thought when I read the title. It's cruel, but that's how Voldemort is so I think it is fitting.
The way you described what was hapenning was great, I really felt like I was in Snape's position watching Stephanie. The visions and the fact that none of them were about her was very true to her character and Albus was right when he said tht she is one of the most un-selfish people.
I do hope that they come up with a plan, though I doubt they will figure it out quickly because then the story would be over and that would be no fun. I am very curious as to what those curses are Voldemort placed on her, and I'm also curious as to what her new training regime will consist of.
Once again, excellent work, and I'm sorry I couldn't delve further into the chapter but sadly my life is very busy right now and I have to hurry.
~Lauren
In regards to the chapter, I loved it. I know I keep saying that but it's true. The punishment is somewhat what I thought when I read the title.
It's cruel, but that's how Voldemort is so I think it is fitting.The way you described what was hapenning was great, I really felt like I was in Snape's position watching Stephanie. The visions and the fact that none of them were about her was very true to her character and Albus was right when he said tht she is one of the most un-selfish people.
I do hope that they come up with a plan, though I doubt they will figure it out quickly because then the story would be over and that would be no fun. I am very curious as to what those curses are Voldemort placed on her, and I'm also curious as to what her new training regime will consist of.
Once again, excellent work, and I'm sorry I couldn't delve further into the chapter but sadly my life is very busy right now and I have to hurry.
~Lauren
BR: I completely understand and thank you for taking the time now to write. I was always a fan of Snape and I'm definitely trying to give him a more understandable (because I know that it may be impossible to make him loveable) character!
Regitze: See my above comment about Snape! We'll see if she gets out of there before she gets branded...
Lauren: I must admit that I write these chapters instead of doing my homework...it's my way of procrastinating! Plus, it's just much more interesting. I do a lot of visualizing before I write, and I have to put my ideas down quickly before I forget them. I'm glad you pointed out the point about Stephanie being so unselfish. You do a great job picking up on the parts that I put in there as foreshadowing for something...Amazing. Also, I will be hinting at one of the Curses in the next chapter.
Thank you so much for all of your wonderful comments. The next chapter is finished, but I have a very busy couple of days so I won't get to edit it until Saturday. I'm just sorry I have to wait so long to put it up...it should be a good one, I promise!
Kristin
Regitze: See my above comment about Snape!
We'll see if she gets out of there before she gets branded...Lauren: I must admit that I write these chapters instead of doing my homework...it's my way of procrastinating! Plus, it's just much more interesting. I do a lot of visualizing before I write, and I have to put my ideas down quickly before I forget them. I'm glad you pointed out the point about Stephanie being so unselfish. You do a great job picking up on the parts that I put in there as foreshadowing for something...Amazing. Also, I will be hinting at one of the Curses in the next chapter.
Thank you so much for all of your wonderful comments. The next chapter is finished, but I have a very busy couple of days so I won't get to edit it until Saturday. I'm just sorry I have to wait so long to put it up...it should be a good one, I promise!
Kristin
Heya
I just have two words for this fic...
BLOODY BRILLIANT
keep up the good work
dewet
I just have two words for this fic...
BLOODY BRILLIANT
keep up the good work
dewet
dewet: Thank you so much!
Kristin
Kristin
Yeah!!! its early! goodness i cannot decide what i feel about this chapter, and i love how you pictured Steph when the Death Eaters were torturing her, how her only weapon was her words, very good! and the fight with Snape was freaking awesome, i love it! Poor Snape thou, he must have been so confused, and the conversation with Harry was real good!
oh one thing you may want to fix: “Why does everyone bring keep bring him up tonight?” Stephanie was losing her temper. the extra bring (the underlined one) was a bit confusing to me... i don't know if it was on purpose or not....
Great Work and can't wait for more!
*BR*
oh one thing you may want to fix: “Why does everyone bring keep bring him up tonight?” Stephanie was losing her temper. the extra bring (the underlined one) was a bit confusing to me... i don't know if it was on purpose or not....
Great Work and can't wait for more!
*BR*
Hmm.. what to say, what to say. Of course it was brilliant and all that I always say!
Steph was finally let out of solitary confinement and her punishment, but then she had to go on a "mission" right away. But it turned out to be an ambush. The way you portrayed the sneakiness of Bellatrix and the other Death Eaters was great. It made them seem the evil tricksters that they are.
When Steph taunted them, I was wondering what would happen to her, and if this had all been a part of Voldemort's plan. But then you explained it and everything was clear, and it was all good. It took incredible guts for her stick up for herself and taunt the Death Eaters because she very easily could have gotten hurt.
The converation between Harry and Steph was really sweet. It was a perfect brother/sister caring conversation, and the dialogue was excellent! It had the perfect dynamics and setting.
Anddd...... I finally learned one of the Curses! Yay! I think it's a perfect curse, one that would prevent her from attacking Voldemort's followers, especially seeing as Voldemort wants to make Steph strong and ruthless, and that would be back-up in case she ever got the urge to kill one of the weaker Death Eaters, like Wormtail hehe.
Well I think that's it for now, thank you for posting a day early!
~Lauren
Steph was finally let out of solitary confinement and her punishment, but then she had to go on a "mission" right away. But it turned out to be an ambush. The way you portrayed the sneakiness of Bellatrix and the other Death Eaters was great. It made them seem the evil tricksters that they are.
When Steph taunted them, I was wondering what would happen to her, and if this had all been a part of Voldemort's plan. But then you explained it and everything was clear, and it was all good.
It took incredible guts for her stick up for herself and taunt the Death Eaters because she very easily could have gotten hurt.The converation between Harry and Steph was really sweet. It was a perfect brother/sister caring conversation, and the dialogue was excellent! It had the perfect dynamics and setting.
Anddd...... I finally learned one of the Curses! Yay! I think it's a perfect curse, one that would prevent her from attacking Voldemort's followers, especially seeing as Voldemort wants to make Steph strong and ruthless, and that would be back-up in case she ever got the urge to kill one of the weaker Death Eaters, like Wormtail hehe.
Well I think that's it for now, thank you for posting a day early!
~Lauren
BR: Thank you once again for the edit. I fixed it and I hope that it makes more sense! You can read, read, read and never catch things like that! and oh...the fight with snape...poor steph. Thanks for your feedback! I love it!
Lauren: As I've tried to portray, Steph is very unselfish, and the scene with the ambush shows this very much. She doesn't really care what happens to her, as long as she can do some good in the world.
The Harry/Steph convo: I am trying to portray Harry as he truly would be...He really wants to protect his sister and it is killing him that he can't do anything for her.
And the Curse: Yes...I thought so too! Voldemort placed it upon her right after she attacked him. Because it was Voldemort...he did it mainly to protect himself, but decided to include his other followers. (And that is why Voldemort chose Draco for Stephanie to practice on instead of someone like Wormtail, because he wasn't a Death Eater).
Thank you thank you thank you for your comments!
Kristin
and oh...the fight with snape...poor steph. Thanks for your feedback! I love it!Lauren: As I've tried to portray, Steph is very unselfish, and the scene with the ambush shows this very much. She doesn't really care what happens to her, as long as she can do some good in the world.
The Harry/Steph convo: I am trying to portray Harry as he truly would be...He really wants to protect his sister and it is killing him that he can't do anything for her.
And the Curse: Yes...I thought so too! Voldemort placed it upon her right after she attacked him. Because it was Voldemort...he did it mainly to protect himself, but decided to include his other followers. (And that is why Voldemort chose Draco for Stephanie to practice on instead of someone like Wormtail, because he wasn't a Death Eater).
Thank you thank you thank you for your comments!
Kristin
Wow there's even a feast after you get inducted? Sign me up!
I'm just kidding. That was an excellent chapter and you know, I didn't spot very many mistakes, none that I can remember anway.
Hermione's response to Harry's letter was very caring and it was full of sympathy. I liked it.
Voldermort's chat with Stephanie was interesting, and I am especially glad that he knows about what the other Death Eaters did to her. The fact too that he fully believes that she will lose her conscience is scary, but I think that even though she may be alright, something about her is obviously going to change. Having the Death Eaters punish her if she hesitates is a brilliant author's move and it could prove to be very beneficial for the story plot.
The actual branding ceremony was my favourite part of the chapter. (I like reading about the evil stuff for some reason.) The fact that both Draco and Steph were branded was interesting to read, and the fact that Steph got to see what would happen to her was excellent. Because Draco was branded it makes a conection with Harry's theory from HBP in the beginning saying that Malfoy had replaced his father. Good move!
Having them suffer the Cruciatus Curse for 5 long minutes was cruel, but an excellent thing to put as initiation. Having Severus do it for Steph was sad, and what was sadder was that when she was locked in her cell and having those horrendous experiences of her fears, it was Snape who performed the Cruciatus Curse on her. I like how you made reference to that.
I think that's it, and I really want to find out if anything happens at the feast. Oh yeah one more thing, I believe that saying at the end of the chapter that Steph hoped that Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville and Ginny would understand why she was branded was a little foreshadowing, though very subtly. You mentioned earlier in the chapter that she wasn't going to tell them, though at the end you said that she hoped they'd understand. Maybe that wasn't done on purpose but it definitely could lead to something, them finding out some other way.
Hmmm.....
Well keep it up!
~Lauren
I'm just kidding. That was an excellent chapter and you know, I didn't spot very many mistakes, none that I can remember anway.
Hermione's response to Harry's letter was very caring and it was full of sympathy. I liked it.
Voldermort's chat with Stephanie was interesting, and I am especially glad that he knows about what the other Death Eaters did to her. The fact too that he fully believes that she will lose her conscience is scary, but I think that even though she may be alright, something about her is obviously going to change. Having the Death Eaters punish her if she hesitates is a brilliant author's move and it could prove to be very beneficial for the story plot.
The actual branding ceremony was my favourite part of the chapter. (I like reading about the evil stuff for some reason.) The fact that both Draco and Steph were branded was interesting to read, and the fact that Steph got to see what would happen to her was excellent. Because Draco was branded it makes a conection with Harry's theory from HBP in the beginning saying that Malfoy had replaced his father. Good move!
Having them suffer the Cruciatus Curse for 5 long minutes was cruel, but an excellent thing to put as initiation. Having Severus do it for Steph was sad, and what was sadder was that when she was locked in her cell and having those horrendous experiences of her fears, it was Snape who performed the Cruciatus Curse on her. I like how you made reference to that.
I think that's it, and I really want to find out if anything happens at the feast. Oh yeah one more thing, I believe that saying at the end of the chapter that Steph hoped that Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville and Ginny would understand why she was branded was a little foreshadowing, though very subtly. You mentioned earlier in the chapter that she wasn't going to tell them, though at the end you said that she hoped they'd understand. Maybe that wasn't done on purpose but it definitely could lead to something, them finding out some other way.
Hmmm.....Well keep it up!
~Lauren
Heya
This is turning into a great read keep up the good work. I am glad Hermione didn't interrupt Harry and Stephenie conversation, that was cool. Always a good chapter,
Oh before I forget...
BLOODY BRILLIANT
dewet
This is turning into a great read keep up the good work. I am glad Hermione didn't interrupt Harry and Stephenie conversation, that was cool. Always a good chapter,
Oh before I forget...
BLOODY BRILLIANT
dewet
dewet: I did that on purpose because I felt it was necessary that Steph and Harry get some time to talk about some personal things. It was also a nice little touch and showed how much they care for each other! (Oh, and I just wanted to say that I am happy by your use of the word "Bloody"...I told my mom what you said and she laughed! I can't get away with saying something like that, since we don't use that term here...lol)
Lauren: About the feast...I figured since there was a party after the death eaters were released, there should be a party to welcome new members. Though, I hate to tell you that if you were inducted into the DE, you would probably be in too much pain to participate in the festivities afterwards!
I'm glad that you enjoyed the branding part because I did as well. For the longest time, I thought so hard about how this ceremony should go. Then finally one morning it came to me when I wasn't even thinking about the story...I had to get out of bed and put it down before I lost it. Crazy how things like that happen! Anyway, I am trying to tie things into the storyline of the books..and we never actually found out if Draco had gotten the Mark..so I wanted to add that.
I thought it was also incredibly symbolic that Snape performed the Curse...since he had done so much of her training before Voldemort returned and because it was one of her fears. It also showed her strength of character that she was more worried about how it would affect him than how much it would hurt her.
One final thought...Yes the ending was deliberate.
(Oh, and I just wanted to say that I am happy by your use of the word "Bloody"...I told my mom what you said and she laughed! I can't get away with saying something like that, since we don't use that term here...lol)Lauren: About the feast...I figured since there was a party after the death eaters were released, there should be a party to welcome new members. Though, I hate to tell you that if you were inducted into the DE, you would probably be in too much pain to participate in the festivities afterwards!
I'm glad that you enjoyed the branding part because I did as well. For the longest time, I thought so hard about how this ceremony should go. Then finally one morning it came to me when I wasn't even thinking about the story...I had to get out of bed and put it down before I lost it. Crazy how things like that happen! Anyway, I am trying to tie things into the storyline of the books..and we never actually found out if Draco had gotten the Mark..so I wanted to add that.
I thought it was also incredibly symbolic that Snape performed the Curse...since he had done so much of her training before Voldemort returned and because it was one of her fears. It also showed her strength of character that she was more worried about how it would affect him than how much it would hurt her.
One final thought...Yes the ending was deliberate.
Wow yet another amazing chapter! Congrats!
I really liked this chapter a lot, but oh my god Steph is now branded with the Dark Mark That is so sad! And Severus had to perform the cruciatus curse on her. Poor guy, they are both working as 'double-agents' right in front of Voldy
I liked how Steph felt a little sad for Draco even though he has been treating her so bad.
Post sooon
I really liked this chapter a lot, but oh my god Steph is now branded with the Dark Mark
That is so sad! And Severus had to perform the cruciatus curse on her. Poor guy, they are both working as 'double-agents' right in front of Voldy I liked how Steph felt a little sad for Draco even though he has been treating her so bad.
Post sooon
I'm glad you enjoyed it so much! Steph feels bad for everyone...and I agree..poor Severus.
The next chapter is almost complete, but it's finding the time to finish it and edit it that will be difficult. I am really busy the next couple of days writing papers and doing some personal stuff with family, but I will try to get it up by Tuesday or Wednesday. But again, that's not a promise! Sorry I can't do any better than that.
Kristin
The next chapter is almost complete, but it's finding the time to finish it and edit it that will be difficult. I am really busy the next couple of days writing papers and doing some personal stuff with family, but I will try to get it up by Tuesday or Wednesday. But again, that's not a promise! Sorry I can't do any better than that.
Kristin
Ok Kristin, I also enjoyed this chapter very much, and I think I may have a lot to say on it. But first...
In replying to your answer to my last review, I guess you're right that I would in be in to much pain, but at least that would mean I get to participate in the next induction feast!
-----------------------------------------------
Now on to the chapter! So first there is the meeting with the adults in charge on Stephanie's care. I like how you protrayed Kingsley as the silent type, only speaking when it is necessary. A key characteristic from the series. Having Snape tell them about the induction ceremony, though not in great detail, was an excellent move and also having McGonagall know about the plot to kil Dumbledore great too. I like how there is now no possible way to get Stephanie out of the Lestrange house, so she can't be rescued easily and have a happy ending. The story woud still be too short.
Stephanie's experience with the DE in the past week, just going on those spy missions, would probably bore me as well. Though I would always be on my guard because it's clear that they woud want to curse me into oblivion! The fact that they start in the early morning and don't leave their hide-out until night is very stalker-ish, but it suits the DE perfectly.
Stephanie's actual first mission was very detailed and I like how you later encorporated it so that it was Amelia Bones murder. Very clever of you! I like too how even though Voldemort had said to only use silent spells, I always thought that the Avada Kedavra could only be effective if said out loud. So when Steph tried to summon the spell in her mind, I was thinking "Oh no, that isn't going to work I don't think" and apparently the DE and you already knew that so she was cursed 3x3. 3 spells, 3 times. When it said that Selwyn Disapparated them back to the mansion, I was thinking "Oh wait, did she pick up her wand?" and then I read the newspaper article and I realized that "oh shucks she didn't."
Albus' reaction to the first mission was very intriguing. When he says "So she was set up to fail, how very comforting" I was slightly confused, so perhaps could you enlighten me on what dear Albus meant? Haha sorry I was talking like that on purpose. But anyway, his and Snape's reaction were not what I expected though when you read it, it fits perfectly.
Having Steph give up the diary was a very wise move author-speaking, though in the character it probably won't be that good for her. I understand why she had to do it though I believe her logic makes sense somewhat and in other areas it just doesn't make sense to my brain.
I didn't find any reference to the significance of the last sentence of chapter 23 in this chapter so maybe I missed it or it just wasn't in this one.
Very good chapter, and I wait for the next one!
~Lauren
But first...QUOTE
Though, I hate to tell you that if you were inducted into the DE, you would probably be in too much pain to participate in the festivities afterwards!
In replying to your answer to my last review, I guess you're right that I would in be in to much pain, but at least that would mean I get to participate in the next induction feast!
-----------------------------------------------
Now on to the chapter! So first there is the meeting with the adults in charge on Stephanie's care. I like how you protrayed Kingsley as the silent type, only speaking when it is necessary. A key characteristic from the series. Having Snape tell them about the induction ceremony, though not in great detail, was an excellent move and also having McGonagall know about the plot to kil Dumbledore great too.
I like how there is now no possible way to get Stephanie out of the Lestrange house, so she can't be rescued easily and have a happy ending. The story woud still be too short. Stephanie's experience with the DE in the past week, just going on those spy missions, would probably bore me as well. Though I would always be on my guard because it's clear that they woud want to curse me into oblivion! The fact that they start in the early morning and don't leave their hide-out until night is very stalker-ish, but it suits the DE perfectly.
Stephanie's actual first mission was very detailed and I like how you later encorporated it so that it was Amelia Bones murder. Very clever of you! I like too how even though Voldemort had said to only use silent spells, I always thought that the Avada Kedavra could only be effective if said out loud. So when Steph tried to summon the spell in her mind, I was thinking "Oh no, that isn't going to work I don't think" and apparently the DE and you already knew that so she was cursed 3x3. 3 spells, 3 times. When it said that Selwyn Disapparated them back to the mansion, I was thinking "Oh wait, did she pick up her wand?" and then I read the newspaper article and I realized that "oh shucks she didn't."
Albus' reaction to the first mission was very intriguing. When he says "So she was set up to fail, how very comforting" I was slightly confused, so perhaps could you enlighten me on what dear Albus meant? Haha sorry I was talking like that on purpose.
But anyway, his and Snape's reaction were not what I expected though when you read it, it fits perfectly.Having Steph give up the diary was a very wise move author-speaking, though in the character it probably won't be that good for her. I understand why she had to do it though I believe her logic makes sense somewhat and in other areas it just doesn't make sense to my brain.
I didn't find any reference to the significance of the last sentence of chapter 23 in this chapter so maybe I missed it or it just wasn't in this one.
Very good chapter, and I wait for the next one!
~Lauren
That is true, you could participate in following induction ceremonies. Maybe you'd even get chosen to perform the Curse on someone...
There are reasons I won't share why Stephanie cannot be rescued from the Lestrange manor quite yet ...they will be seen soon enough!
I apologize if it wasn't too clear. He was being sarcastic, though I realize that is not in his character. I'm sorry that that was confusing. However, he is getting really frustrated with the fact that he can do nothing for Stephanie, and he fully blames himself for what is happening to her.
And about the ending of Chapter 23..I was originally going to place the part corresponding with that in Chapter 25...but I believe it will be in Chapter 26., since I had to split the next chapter in two..so, I'm sorry but it'll be a little while before you find out how they learn about it!
Finally, I will admit that Stephanie is in for some dark times...and she seems to understand that, though she doesn't want to admit it. This is one reason she strayed from using the diaries...
Thank you so much for your comments..you definitely keep me on my toes!
There are reasons I won't share why Stephanie cannot be rescued from the Lestrange manor quite yet ...they will be seen soon enough!
QUOTE
Albus' reaction to the first mission was very intriguing. When he says "So she was set up to fail, how very comforting" I was slightly confused, so perhaps could you enlighten me on what dear Albus meant?
I apologize if it wasn't too clear. He was being sarcastic, though I realize that is not in his character. I'm sorry that that was confusing. However, he is getting really frustrated with the fact that he can do nothing for Stephanie, and he fully blames himself for what is happening to her.
And about the ending of Chapter 23..I was originally going to place the part corresponding with that in Chapter 25...but I believe it will be in Chapter 26., since I had to split the next chapter in two..so, I'm sorry but it'll be a little while before you find out how they learn about it!
Finally, I will admit that Stephanie is in for some dark times...and she seems to understand that, though she doesn't want to admit it. This is one reason she strayed from using the diaries...
Thank you so much for your comments..you definitely keep me on my toes!
Wow! Great job! the last chapter was amazing and i felt so bad for Steph and she left her wand behind wow poor Steph, i hope Voldy won't do too much to her! and i love the scenes with DD and Snape they are fabulous!
great job, love it and sorry for being late!
*BR*
wow poor Steph, i hope Voldy won't do too much to her! and i love the scenes with DD and Snape they are fabulous!great job, love it and sorry for being late!
*BR*
BR: I'm glad you liked the DD/Snape scenes...I promise you there will be more to come! I'm glad you continue to enjoy it!
I apologize that the next chapter won't be up until Saturday...life got hectic and I haven't had time to add more to it. I'll work on it tomorrow and post it the next day!
Kristin
I apologize that the next chapter won't be up until Saturday...life got hectic and I haven't had time to add more to it. I'll work on it tomorrow and post it the next day!
Kristin
Ouu the story's getting more interesting! Well it's always been interesting, but now it's getting more so haha. Well I loved it so much!
First off I'm not sure if you noticed but there is one little gramatical error. In the sentence "This woman helped bring take your brother...." I think it's only supposed to be one verb correct? But that's the only thing I spotted.
In regards to the chapter, I liked the conversation with Voldemort at breakfast and how Steph was nervous and afraid to ask how the DE knew when she was casting a spell. The answer now makes me curious. What is it that she does that allows people to know when she is casting a non-verbal spell?
The twins are interesting characters. I like how you put reference as to what Kieran's name means, and it seemed like there was a lot of research that went into the characters. The mass killing that Kieran did, is that an actual event? I'm too lazy to research it. Dedrick is also an interesting character, his persuasiveness in recruiting people is indeed a valuable service to Voldemort, and his initiation task was also more curious. Who is the prominent Order member whose family he had to kill? Please tell us.
I wonder what Voldemort had gone to do?
The task that Steph was set was very well done. The bridge part was taken from HBP wasn't it? And so was the murder of Emmaline Vance. I remember those happening.
I believe that the twins mocking of Steph was quite interesting because in a way it seemed like even though they were taunting her, it seemed like they were trying to psych her up so she'd be able to do the task properly. They are odd fellows though.
It was a very, very good chapter, and I like how her training has progressed. She has already commited murder and so the drastic change has begun. Her making herself numb to emotion and her ignoring te diaries may be good now but I believe that it could be bad later on. I guess we'll see eh?
Well excellent work!
~Lauren
Well it's always been interesting, but now it's getting more so haha. Well I loved it so much!First off I'm not sure if you noticed but there is one little gramatical error. In the sentence "This woman helped bring take your brother...." I think it's only supposed to be one verb correct? But that's the only thing I spotted.
In regards to the chapter, I liked the conversation with Voldemort at breakfast and how Steph was nervous and afraid to ask how the DE knew when she was casting a spell. The answer now makes me curious. What is it that she does that allows people to know when she is casting a non-verbal spell?
The twins are interesting characters. I like how you put reference as to what Kieran's name means, and it seemed like there was a lot of research that went into the characters. The mass killing that Kieran did, is that an actual event? I'm too lazy to research it.
Dedrick is also an interesting character, his persuasiveness in recruiting people is indeed a valuable service to Voldemort, and his initiation task was also more curious. Who is the prominent Order member whose family he had to kill? Please tell us. I wonder what Voldemort had gone to do?
The task that Steph was set was very well done. The bridge part was taken from HBP wasn't it? And so was the murder of Emmaline Vance. I remember those happening.
I believe that the twins mocking of Steph was quite interesting because in a way it seemed like even though they were taunting her, it seemed like they were trying to psych her up so she'd be able to do the task properly. They are odd fellows though.
It was a very, very good chapter, and I like how her training has progressed. She has already commited murder and so the drastic change has begun. Her making herself numb to emotion and her ignoring te diaries may be good now but I believe that it could be bad later on. I guess we'll see eh?
Well excellent work!
~Lauren
Thank you for your edit. I read it about three times and kept finding mistakes like that. I think it's because I edit it so much and keep changing things until I think it's perfect.
I'm still debating in my mind how the readers will discover how others can tell when Stephanie casts nonverbal spells, but be assured that you will find out eventually! It may prove useful in the future...
Ahh, the twins. I had a difficult time creating these guys, but yes, I did research them quiet extensively. But about Kieran's task, I don't think that actually happened. Just something I made up. And I didn't think about them pumping her up when I wrote the chapter, but I can see where you get that. When they are talking about Emmaline and the reason Stephanie was going to murder her, my intention was to have her begin to think about Harry...Does he really love her? Or does he hate her as the others say? We will definitely have to find out!
The bridge and Emmaline Vance's murder were in HBP and I felt that more explanation was needed, so I included them as a part of Steph's training. I think it fits. And the prominent Order member...it will be awhile before you find out about them, but I assure you that you will find out eventually.
And the lack of the diaries...I decline to comment on this!
Thank you for your continued comments and the next chapter is almost finished. I regret to say that I promised how the others find out about the Dark Mark would be in Chapter 26...but I had too much to say in that chapter, so I had to push that scene to Chapter 27. Sorry!
Kristin
I'm still debating in my mind how the readers will discover how others can tell when Stephanie casts nonverbal spells, but be assured that you will find out eventually! It may prove useful in the future...
Ahh, the twins. I had a difficult time creating these guys, but yes, I did research them quiet extensively. But about Kieran's task, I don't think that actually happened. Just something I made up. And I didn't think about them pumping her up when I wrote the chapter, but I can see where you get that. When they are talking about Emmaline and the reason Stephanie was going to murder her, my intention was to have her begin to think about Harry...Does he really love her? Or does he hate her as the others say? We will definitely have to find out!
The bridge and Emmaline Vance's murder were in HBP and I felt that more explanation was needed, so I included them as a part of Steph's training. I think it fits.
And the prominent Order member...it will be awhile before you find out about them, but I assure you that you will find out eventually. And the lack of the diaries...I decline to comment on this!
Thank you for your continued comments and the next chapter is almost finished. I regret to say that I promised how the others find out about the Dark Mark would be in Chapter 26...but I had too much to say in that chapter, so I had to push that scene to Chapter 27. Sorry!
Kristin
Thank you so much for the thanks. I love posting my comments on this story and I'm glad you enjoy it as well.
I have noticed a faire amount of foreshadowing in this chapter and I like it. Emmaline Vance's wand for instance; Steph hid it under her mattress without thinking about why, she just had a feeling that she may need it one day. That could definitely be a big help in future chapters. Also, the false memory in general, it sets up the huge dilema of Steph doubting her brother, as was already mentioned.
I love how you put in little things that can help later on, whether they ever get used or not. It provides something to work with when you just can't think of an idea, which can happen sometimes.
I try to go in order of events of the chapter when I review, but sometimes I have so much to say that I just spit it out jumbled up. So please forgive me if that happens.
So first was Snape and Voldemort's review of Steph's last mission. I am so glad that the twins were punished for that little scare, I wondered what Voldemort would do about disobedience. The fact that Voldemort took the time to find out what really happened was astounding, but I'm glad he did. I had hoped that he wouldn't just take their word for it because as we know, people do lie. *coughSteph&Voldemortcough*
Snape's POV on what happened was very well done. I like how you provided insight as to how Emmaline was murdered because I was wondering that as well. So Steph still hasn't used the Killing Curse yet has she? Because I didn't find it when I read the chapter. The fact that Snape is realizing that Steph is changing much quicker than originally thought would cause quite a stir with Dumbledore and McGonagall because he's supposed to be the expert.
Neville's POV was so cute. I like how you put how he didn't like being with his gran and how he never got invited anywhere over the summer, I never really thought about it but it's true. His excitement at getting invited somewhere, even somewhere serious was so sweet, and the fact that he considers Steph to be his closest friend is just adorable, and it is so true to the Neville as we see him. The fact that his Gran is proud of him and that makes him proud is very nice too. I can foresee big things for Neville in this story.
When Snape came into Steph's room to retreive her and made that flicker of light hit her skin, I found myself wondering what on Earth that could be. Has he found a counter-curse? Was it a protective something? Was it another tracking bug to put on her? These are the things I was asking myself, though I know in time it will be answered. That I know is true.
Voldemort's conversation with her was interesting because you used the word gently a lot when describing how he talked to her. I never thought of Voldemort as a gently talking person to anyone except for when he wanted something, though I can see it fitting because he's proud of her and the lessons she's learned and I believe he's coming to think that she may really be strong and perhaps he actually has come to watch over her. Though not mushy like Dumbledore would, more like a slightly warmer version of his chilly self. If that made sense.
I know I tend to read into things a lot but I love the story so.
The false memory, which I'm pretty sure it is seeing as that's what the title was, was a very good piece for the story. There had to be some point in which she doubts Harry because it adds to the ever-mounting conflict which I find makes the story so much more interesting. I like how the conversation was added in amongst the original words. The description of Harry was perfect, you could actually visualize the scene. I found myself watching from over Voldemort's shoulder, watching the scene unfold before me. Steph's reaction would obviously be doubt after she saw this, but I really like how you brought back recollections from her Occulumency lessons with Snape, great idea! I love how you bring stuff back from previous chapters, it adds more unity in it, not just a bunch of chapters put together to be story like I see in many (probably like mine) The fact too that she questioned herself before the doubt was excellent and I find that the ending was also excellent.
Well sorry it's so long, I had a lot to say. I can't wait to read the next chapter and if it was emotional for you to write, I'll probably cry or something reading it because I always cry when I read sad books Anyway great work!
~Lauren
I love posting my comments on this story and I'm glad you enjoy it as well.I have noticed a faire amount of foreshadowing in this chapter and I like it. Emmaline Vance's wand for instance; Steph hid it under her mattress without thinking about why, she just had a feeling that she may need it one day. That could definitely be a big help in future chapters.
Also, the false memory in general, it sets up the huge dilema of Steph doubting her brother, as was already mentioned.I love how you put in little things that can help later on, whether they ever get used or not. It provides something to work with when you just can't think of an idea, which can happen sometimes.
I try to go in order of events of the chapter when I review, but sometimes I have so much to say that I just spit it out jumbled up. So please forgive me if that happens.
So first was Snape and Voldemort's review of Steph's last mission. I am so glad that the twins were punished for that little scare, I wondered what Voldemort would do about disobedience. The fact that Voldemort took the time to find out what really happened was astounding, but I'm glad he did. I had hoped that he wouldn't just take their word for it because as we know, people do lie. *coughSteph&Voldemortcough*
Snape's POV on what happened was very well done. I like how you provided insight as to how Emmaline was murdered because I was wondering that as well. So Steph still hasn't used the Killing Curse yet has she? Because I didn't find it when I read the chapter. The fact that Snape is realizing that Steph is changing much quicker than originally thought would cause quite a stir with Dumbledore and McGonagall because he's supposed to be the expert.
Neville's POV was so cute. I like how you put how he didn't like being with his gran and how he never got invited anywhere over the summer, I never really thought about it but it's true. His excitement at getting invited somewhere, even somewhere serious was so sweet, and the fact that he considers Steph to be his closest friend is just adorable, and it is so true to the Neville as we see him. The fact that his Gran is proud of him and that makes him proud is very nice too.
I can foresee big things for Neville in this story. When Snape came into Steph's room to retreive her and made that flicker of light hit her skin, I found myself wondering what on Earth that could be. Has he found a counter-curse? Was it a protective something? Was it another tracking bug to put on her? These are the things I was asking myself, though I know in time it will be answered. That I know is true.
Voldemort's conversation with her was interesting because you used the word gently a lot when describing how he talked to her. I never thought of Voldemort as a gently talking person to anyone except for when he wanted something, though I can see it fitting because he's proud of her and the lessons she's learned and I believe he's coming to think that she may really be strong and perhaps he actually has come to watch over her. Though not mushy like Dumbledore would, more like a slightly warmer version of his chilly self. If that made sense.
I know I tend to read into things a lot but I love the story so. The false memory, which I'm pretty sure it is seeing as that's what the title was, was a very good piece for the story. There had to be some point in which she doubts Harry because it adds to the ever-mounting conflict which I find makes the story so much more interesting. I like how the conversation was added in amongst the original words. The description of Harry was perfect, you could actually visualize the scene. I found myself watching from over Voldemort's shoulder, watching the scene unfold before me. Steph's reaction would obviously be doubt after she saw this, but I really like how you brought back recollections from her Occulumency lessons with Snape, great idea! I love how you bring stuff back from previous chapters, it adds more unity in it, not just a bunch of chapters put together to be story like I see in many (probably like mine
) The fact too that she questioned herself before the doubt was excellent and I find that the ending was also excellent.Well sorry it's so long, I had a lot to say.
I can't wait to read the next chapter and if it was emotional for you to write, I'll probably cry or something reading it because I always cry when I read sad books Anyway great work!~Lauren
Lauren, don't apologize for the length of your post. I was so happy with it! Your feedback is absolutely amazing!
The wand that Steph takes from Emmaline, I do have plans for it but I am not sure how to tie it in quite yet. But, that is still quite a ways off so I have some time to think about it!
People do lie. That is why I had Voldemort view the memories, and I had Snape/Voldemort view them separately (utilizing the twins vs. pensieve) so that Snape could have his own reactions. He wouldn't have even dared to think what he had if Voldemort had been in the room/memory. It would have been dangerous. I felt that allowing him to view the memory alone and feel what he did, it showed a side of him that I'm trying to portray. That he is capable of feeling, and that he does truly care for Stephanie (mostly because of Lily, but he does care nonetheless).
And you pick up on things so very well! Neville was always one of my favorite characters and I do have some big plans for him in the future. We shall see.
You asked some intriguing questions about the flicker of light Snape casts upon Steph. And you are right, you will find out eventually. In the next chapter, I did place a hint about what he did to her. I'm not sure how subtle it is, but it is there.
And much of what I do put in the story is intentional (though some things aren't). However, the way Voldemort speaks to her "gently" is to convey his feelings towards her. He cannot contemplate love, but he is definitely proud of the person she is becoming. He had always believed he could mold people into whatever he wanted them to be, and Stephanie's change really confirmed that. More than proud of her, he is proud of himself. If that makes sense.
I'm glad you enjoyed the false memory scene. And yes, that was a false memory and it will be tied into future chapters, I promise. There are definitely things from previous chapters that will be coming in future chapters. I hope to tie everything together the closer to the end we get. But don't worry, there is still lots to come. I don't think year six will be very long, but I do have a lot planned for the seventh year!
I don't know how obvious it is, but I also wanted to point this out. Stephanie has never called Voldemort anything but by his name. During her time in the "false memory," she is beginning to call him the Dark Lord. Just thought I'd point that out.
Kristin
The wand that Steph takes from Emmaline, I do have plans for it but I am not sure how to tie it in quite yet. But, that is still quite a ways off so I have some time to think about it!
People do lie. That is why I had Voldemort view the memories, and I had Snape/Voldemort view them separately (utilizing the twins vs. pensieve) so that Snape could have his own reactions. He wouldn't have even dared to think what he had if Voldemort had been in the room/memory. It would have been dangerous. I felt that allowing him to view the memory alone and feel what he did, it showed a side of him that I'm trying to portray. That he is capable of feeling, and that he does truly care for Stephanie (mostly because of Lily, but he does care nonetheless).
And you pick up on things so very well! Neville was always one of my favorite characters and I do have some big plans for him in the future. We shall see.
You asked some intriguing questions about the flicker of light Snape casts upon Steph. And you are right, you will find out eventually. In the next chapter, I did place a hint about what he did to her. I'm not sure how subtle it is, but it is there.
And much of what I do put in the story is intentional (though some things aren't). However, the way Voldemort speaks to her "gently" is to convey his feelings towards her. He cannot contemplate love, but he is definitely proud of the person she is becoming. He had always believed he could mold people into whatever he wanted them to be, and Stephanie's change really confirmed that. More than proud of her, he is proud of himself. If that makes sense.
I'm glad you enjoyed the false memory scene. And yes, that was a false memory and it will be tied into future chapters, I promise. There are definitely things from previous chapters that will be coming in future chapters. I hope to tie everything together the closer to the end we get. But don't worry, there is still lots to come. I don't think year six will be very long, but I do have a lot planned for the seventh year!
I don't know how obvious it is, but I also wanted to point this out. Stephanie has never called Voldemort anything but by his name. During her time in the "false memory," she is beginning to call him the Dark Lord. Just thought I'd point that out.
Kristin
Hey
I really liked this chapter. It's very emotional and I think it's really nice. I enjoyed the part about Neville alot. You are truly developing his characters through this story.
I wonder what Snape did to Steph when he came to her room. Maybe he found a countercurse for that tracking-spell Voldemort put on her ? I don't know but I want to know!
The false memory was also very emotional to read. None of us can truly relate to Stephanies feelings and thoughts at that time, I think, but it's really heartbreaking to hear, that she doesn't feel a thing about Harry. Very sad. I think it seemed a bit naive, when she questioned why Voldemort would alter the memory. I mean, he has all the reasons in the world to do that. It was truly disturbing when she couldn't see a reason as to why he would do it.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter
I really liked this chapter. It's very emotional and I think it's really nice. I enjoyed the part about Neville alot. You are truly developing his characters through this story.
I wonder what Snape did to Steph when he came to her room. Maybe he found a countercurse for that tracking-spell Voldemort put on her ? I don't know but I want to know!
The false memory was also very emotional to read. None of us can truly relate to Stephanies feelings and thoughts at that time, I think, but it's really heartbreaking to hear, that she doesn't feel a thing about Harry. Very sad. I think it seemed a bit naive, when she questioned why Voldemort would alter the memory. I mean, he has all the reasons in the world to do that. It was truly disturbing when she couldn't see a reason as to why he would do it.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter
Regitze: Thank you for your comments! I greatly appreciate them. I love Neville so much! Hot Topic had Neville is my Hero shirts, and they ran out of my size! So I make up for it by developing his character like this. I wish he would have had more time in the books!
You bring up a great point about Stephanie's naivety. Voldemort constantly talks about how naive she is, but I don't believe this was naivety. I debated putting that comment in there and decided to do so to show how she is changing. Keep this in mind later in the story. I am pretty confident that it will be very important for her in the future.
And the next chapter will be up on Friday morning (at least, my morning). I have finally finished it (I started this chapter before Thanksgiving a couple of weeks ago, and had to split it into two more chapters yet again!) and just need to edit it before it's ready. Thank you for continuing to read and enjoy my story, and for your great feedback!
Kristin
So I make up for it by developing his character like this. I wish he would have had more time in the books! You bring up a great point about Stephanie's naivety. Voldemort constantly talks about how naive she is, but I don't believe this was naivety. I debated putting that comment in there and decided to do so to show how she is changing. Keep this in mind later in the story. I am pretty confident that it will be very important for her in the future.
And the next chapter will be up on Friday morning (at least, my morning). I have finally finished it (I started this chapter before Thanksgiving a couple of weeks ago, and had to split it into two more chapters yet again!) and just need to edit it before it's ready. Thank you for continuing to read and enjoy my story, and for your great feedback!
Kristin
I see what you mean when you said it would be emotional! I almost did start crying there.
I love how it was all in Harry and friends' point of view. It really kept it emotional and you didn't give us a break to try and cheer up as we read something from Stephanie's point of view.
Steph's letters where so good, and I actually felt like I was with them, and I love reading when I feel as though I'm actually in the setting. In regards to the letters, I love how she wrote each of them a personalized letter, though in each she wrote that she wanted them to remember her as she was, not who she will become. It really emphasized that she would drastically change and would not be the same.
And yay my question has been answered! Neville and Harry's reaction to the fact that Steph took the Dark Mark was really great, especially seeing as out of all 5 of them, they seem to care about her the most. And then, when Harry exploded at Ginny for asking a question and questioning loyalties, I thought that was awesome because it's something that he would do.
Also you gave a hint as to what Snape did to Steph. The light makes certain that she can't tell Voldemort where Snape's allegiance is. Good thinking there, if I'm right.
I spotted a slight bit of foreshadowing, though it may not of been. Harry's thought about Snape sparks the thought that in another chapter Snape's POV will return. Not sure but there's an idea.
I think that's it. Good luck with everything that's going on in your busy life! I can understand the feeling of not enough time in a day.
~Lauren
I love how it was all in Harry and friends' point of view. It really kept it emotional and you didn't give us a break to try and cheer up as we read something from Stephanie's point of view.
Steph's letters where so good, and I actually felt like I was with them, and I love reading when I feel as though I'm actually in the setting. In regards to the letters, I love how she wrote each of them a personalized letter, though in each she wrote that she wanted them to remember her as she was, not who she will become. It really emphasized that she would drastically change and would not be the same.
And yay my question has been answered! Neville and Harry's reaction to the fact that Steph took the Dark Mark was really great, especially seeing as out of all 5 of them, they seem to care about her the most. And then, when Harry exploded at Ginny for asking a question and questioning loyalties, I thought that was awesome because it's something that he would do.
Also you gave a hint as to what Snape did to Steph. The light makes certain that she can't tell Voldemort where Snape's allegiance is. Good thinking there, if I'm right.
I spotted a slight bit of foreshadowing, though it may not of been. Harry's thought about Snape sparks the thought that in another chapter Snape's POV will return. Not sure but there's an idea.
I think that's it. Good luck with everything that's going on in your busy life! I can understand the feeling of not enough time in a day.
~Lauren
Once again, thank you for your wonderful comments, Lauren.
You are very good at picking up the little hints that I place around my story! I was afraid that I went a little over the top with the letters being so emotional, but I really liked them. And they showed how she felt about each of the characters.
And yes, this chapter was full of foreshadowing. Stephanie is in for a deep change. And of course I am going to add another Snape POV! I absolutely adore him, if that's not obvious, and love writing is POV because I can show a different side to him. There is definitely more of him to come.
Ginny's question was just an afterthought, but I figured that someone would ask it. And I also realized that Ginny would be the only one with the guts to do so in front of Harry. This was one of the scenes I could definitely visualize, seeing as it is a typical Harry reaction. I loved the whole chapter, but this scene was definitely a favorite.
The flicker of light hitting Steph's skin...we'll see if you are right, though it is a good analysis.
And thank you once again. I tried not to leave it in a huge cliffhanger since it may be a few days before I could post, but I definitely think I did leave a little one. For that I apologize, I tried not to but I also wanted a hook.
Kristin
You are very good at picking up the little hints that I place around my story! I was afraid that I went a little over the top with the letters being so emotional, but I really liked them. And they showed how she felt about each of the characters.
And yes, this chapter was full of foreshadowing. Stephanie is in for a deep change. And of course I am going to add another Snape POV! I absolutely adore him, if that's not obvious, and love writing is POV because I can show a different side to him. There is definitely more of him to come.
Ginny's question was just an afterthought, but I figured that someone would ask it. And I also realized that Ginny would be the only one with the guts to do so in front of Harry. This was one of the scenes I could definitely visualize, seeing as it is a typical Harry reaction. I loved the whole chapter, but this scene was definitely a favorite.
The flicker of light hitting Steph's skin...we'll see if you are right, though it is a good analysis.
And thank you once again. I tried not to leave it in a huge cliffhanger since it may be a few days before I could post, but I definitely think I did leave a little one. For that I apologize, I tried not to but I also wanted a hook.
Kristin
Hey, I thought I'd let you know that I will be posting a new chapter on Wednesday. It is done and just needs to be edited. I finished my finals early and have had a little bit of unexpected free time! Woohoo!
I love snow days, we had one last monday but I didn't do any writing because I was baby-sitting. And thanks for getting the chapter up, I was silently dying from suspense! But on to the chapter...
There was a lot of stuff that was brought back from previous chapter. Like the Curses. So much mention of them is making me anxious for seventh year. So we found out a piece of one of the Curses. I wonder if it is like the Horcruxes in a way, where she is attached to Voldemort. I have many thoughts running around my brain about that.
Oh yeah, and I love the fact that most of it was in Snape point of view, and that you put in a lot of personal thoughts, like the ones about people showing emotion, etc. His comment about Potters was so like Snape that I just had to laugh.
The portion of the letter that was in Hermione's POV was so interesting. It told us about what she's feeling. The task that Steph set to her is very interesting as it is likely to cause conflict later on. The fact that Steph's chances of survival are minimum is clear, and I'm glad that the other characters realize it.
The fact that you told us what Steph is most likely to do later on, which means that she cannot be rescued is great. It actually could be considered foreshadowing because it tells us that she will be very attached to Voldemort, which will be key to the plot.
I am very anxious to read another chapter in Steph's point of view, because these chapters are setting up for an interesting chapter(s).
I saw a few more foreshadowing bits, but I can't remember exactly what they were.
I probably have more to say but as always, I just can't think. Plus I'm currently locked out of my house because my brother forgot the key, so I'm at a neighour's house. Ah well, I will be waiting for the next chapter!
~Lauren
But on to the chapter...There was a lot of stuff that was brought back from previous chapter. Like the Curses. So much mention of them is making me anxious for seventh year. So we found out a piece of one of the Curses. I wonder if it is like the Horcruxes in a way, where she is attached to Voldemort. I have many thoughts running around my brain about that.
Oh yeah, and I love the fact that most of it was in Snape point of view, and that you put in a lot of personal thoughts, like the ones about people showing emotion, etc. His comment about Potters was so like Snape that I just had to laugh.
The portion of the letter that was in Hermione's POV was so interesting. It told us about what she's feeling. The task that Steph set to her is very interesting as it is likely to cause conflict later on. The fact that Steph's chances of survival are minimum is clear, and I'm glad that the other characters realize it.
The fact that you told us what Steph is most likely to do later on, which means that she cannot be rescued is great. It actually could be considered foreshadowing because it tells us that she will be very attached to Voldemort, which will be key to the plot.
I am very anxious to read another chapter in Steph's point of view, because these chapters are setting up for an interesting chapter(s).
I saw a few more foreshadowing bits, but I can't remember exactly what they were.
I probably have more to say but as always, I just can't think. Plus I'm currently locked out of my house because my brother forgot the key, so I'm at a neighour's house. Ah well, I will be waiting for the next chapter!
~Lauren
Wow, Lauren. You were really quick at posting tonight. And I hope that you got back into your house alright. Just an fyi, I have a good start on the next chapter and I am having a blast writing it. I want to get a good chunk of it written tomorrow, but we'll see how much I can actually accomplish.
And don't worry, the sixth year is only going to be a couple of chapters. And I am planning on officially revealing the curses early in the seventh year. So at least you won't have to wait until the end!
I'm glad that I made you laugh. I was going for that and it was surprisingly easy to write it in his point of view. It was also a lot of fun.
And, though it didn't start out that way, the purpose of the entire chapter was foreshadowing. It is filled with lots of hints about what is to come. Though, I feel that it still leaves the reader guessing as to what will happen. And the next chapter will bring more Stephanie. Don't worry!
Thanks for your comments! I absolutely love reading them.
Kristin
And don't worry, the sixth year is only going to be a couple of chapters. And I am planning on officially revealing the curses early in the seventh year. So at least you won't have to wait until the end!
I'm glad that I made you laugh. I was going for that and it was surprisingly easy to write it in his point of view. It was also a lot of fun.
And, though it didn't start out that way, the purpose of the entire chapter was foreshadowing. It is filled with lots of hints about what is to come. Though, I feel that it still leaves the reader guessing as to what will happen. And the next chapter will bring more Stephanie. Don't worry!
Thanks for your comments! I absolutely love reading them.
Kristin
Aww you had snow?! That is so amazing! I want snow too but it doesn't seem to be wanting to arrive
On another note I like your story so don't you question that! I think this latest chapter was very nice, and I liked how Snape and McGonagall showed their differences, and McGonagall was outraged at Snape's behaviour. They are all in difficult situations and I think you are displaying this very well.
The task Steph left for Hermione is just horrible, but I understand her situation - not fully of course, as I don't think any of us does. I hope for Hermione that a time when she has to choose between Harry and Steph will never occur, but it seems somewhat incontravertible. Harry is desperate to know what Steph told Hermione and so is the Order, but I understand why she can't tell, and especially not Harry. Telling someone that you have to kill their sister they never thought they had is not something the other person would take lightly. And Harry has never known any kind of real family in his life before Steph.
The spell Voldemort put on Steph. Hmm, what is it? I want to know, but it's nice to keep suspence in the story, and you totally do that!
Keep up the good work, I can't wait to hear more! Hope you're satisfyed with my feedback. This story deserves a lot of it
Happy Christmas,
Regitze
On another note I like your story so don't you question that!
I think this latest chapter was very nice, and I liked how Snape and McGonagall showed their differences, and McGonagall was outraged at Snape's behaviour. They are all in difficult situations and I think you are displaying this very well.The task Steph left for Hermione is just horrible, but I understand her situation - not fully of course, as I don't think any of us does. I hope for Hermione that a time when she has to choose between Harry and Steph will never occur, but it seems somewhat incontravertible. Harry is desperate to know what Steph told Hermione and so is the Order, but I understand why she can't tell, and especially not Harry. Telling someone that you have to kill their sister they never thought they had is not something the other person would take lightly. And Harry has never known any kind of real family in his life before Steph.
The spell Voldemort put on Steph. Hmm, what is it?
I want to know, but it's nice to keep suspence in the story, and you totally do that!Keep up the good work, I can't wait to hear more! Hope you're satisfyed with my feedback. This story deserves a lot of it
Happy Christmas,
Regitze
Thank you very, very much for your comments, Regitze.
I realized that I had been having McGonagall and Snape get along so much and it seemed much more realistic for their characters to disagree about something. The Snape comment was something that he would definitely have said and McGonagall would have been upset by that, so I think it fits. Thank you.
That is exactly why Hermione can't tell Harry and why Steph didn't ask him instead. Hopefully the day will never come when Hermione has to make that choice, but we'll see what happens! I am truly starting to adore Steph so much.
Oh the spell...yes, I am keeping it a secret for that very purpose. But as I said before, it is coming. I promise!
Thank you so very much for your comments. It really helps to know that those that are reading the story are enjoying it. The next chapter (which I am having a lot of fun writing-more than normal, I should say) should be up either Friday afternoon or Sunday morning. It would be up tomorrow, but I am driving all day long and won't have access to the internet.
You have a great Christmas, as well!
Kristin
I realized that I had been having McGonagall and Snape get along so much and it seemed much more realistic for their characters to disagree about something. The Snape comment was something that he would definitely have said and McGonagall would have been upset by that, so I think it fits. Thank you.
That is exactly why Hermione can't tell Harry and why Steph didn't ask him instead. Hopefully the day will never come when Hermione has to make that choice, but we'll see what happens! I am truly starting to adore Steph so much.
Oh the spell...yes, I am keeping it a secret for that very purpose. But as I said before, it is coming. I promise!
Thank you so very much for your comments. It really helps to know that those that are reading the story are enjoying it. The next chapter (which I am having a lot of fun writing-more than normal, I should say) should be up either Friday afternoon or Sunday morning. It would be up tomorrow, but I am driving all day long and won't have access to the internet.
You have a great Christmas, as well!
Kristin
Hey. Your story is really really good. I feel so bad for Steph. And poor Hermione! I know she is strong but I don't think that she could kill Steph. She is to close to her to do that. But keep writing! I can't wait 2 see what happens!!!
Hey. Your story is really really good. I feel so bad for Steph. And poor Hermione! I know she is strong but I don't think that she could kill Steph. She is to close to her to do that. But keep writing! I can't wait 2 see what happens!!!
Hey. Your story is really really good. I feel so bad for Steph. And poor Hermione! I know she is strong but I don't think that she could kill Steph. She is to close to her to do that. But keep writing! I can't wait 2 see what happens!!!
rupertsgirl: Thank you so much for your comments! It was really tough for Stephanie to ask Hermione, but she had to let her know that it was alright to do what needs to get done. Hopefully Hermione doesn't have to make the choice! We'll see what happens!
Chapter twenty-nine is posted. I loved Draco and Stephanie's scene, and I promise to elaborate more about what happened in the next chapter! I have a good start to it and it should be posted on Tuesday, hopefully. Wednesday at the latest! Have a great weekend!
Gee I'm posting my thoughts, comments, etc. pretty late eh? I like to post early but I've never had time since reading the chapter. I read it a couple days ago so please forgive me if my memory is a bit fuzzy.
I like how the chapter wasn't in Stephanie's POV, I think that it wouldn't have had the same effect if it had've been. Having it in Harry's POV just made it more dynamic and it told the readers exactly what Steph looked like to outsiders, even though her thoughts might be different. It really just added another layer of interest to the story.
You told us about Steph's tell! I was so excited to read it. It's interesting too because it's something that we all probably do when we concentrate, it just makes perfect sense that it would be used to tell when she's trying to formulate a spell. I love it.
You can definitely tell of Steph's new found doubt in Harry because of the way that she didn't hesitate and probably would've killed them. Also she has new confidence, we see that when she stood up to Draco. I was so proud of her. And the way that her very presence creates fear now is excellent. She really is becoming like Bellatrix. The story is so well written with different twists and turns that I am even unsure of the theories I had when I first started reading the story. It is a good thing that Kingsley and Tonks were there though.
I like too how you pretty much kept the same script as in the books, just changing it when the new characters and events were put in. Great work!
The bit in Dumbledore's view was very informative. It gives us a bit moe reasoning as to why he didn't tell Harry and the others that he knew about Draco's plan. I always wondered why he never just told other people, but it's true that then people wouldn't have had natural reactions and Harry's hot-headedness is pretty crucial.
The fact too that Harry conveyed his emotions to Hermione was very key, as it did show maturity and that he wasn't just going to blow up at the world like he did before.
I'm so interested in this story, I love the suspense! Keep it up and I will be looking forard to the next chapter. AND.... Congrats on Graduating!
~Lauren
I like how the chapter wasn't in Stephanie's POV, I think that it wouldn't have had the same effect if it had've been. Having it in Harry's POV just made it more dynamic and it told the readers exactly what Steph looked like to outsiders, even though her thoughts might be different. It really just added another layer of interest to the story.
You told us about Steph's tell! I was so excited to read it. It's interesting too because it's something that we all probably do when we concentrate, it just makes perfect sense that it would be used to tell when she's trying to formulate a spell. I love it.
You can definitely tell of Steph's new found doubt in Harry because of the way that she didn't hesitate and probably would've killed them. Also she has new confidence, we see that when she stood up to Draco. I was so proud of her.
And the way that her very presence creates fear now is excellent. She really is becoming like Bellatrix. The story is so well written with different twists and turns that I am even unsure of the theories I had when I first started reading the story. It is a good thing that Kingsley and Tonks were there though.I like too how you pretty much kept the same script as in the books, just changing it when the new characters and events were put in. Great work!
The bit in Dumbledore's view was very informative. It gives us a bit moe reasoning as to why he didn't tell Harry and the others that he knew about Draco's plan. I always wondered why he never just told other people, but it's true that then people wouldn't have had natural reactions and Harry's hot-headedness is pretty crucial.
The fact too that Harry conveyed his emotions to Hermione was very key, as it did show maturity and that he wasn't just going to blow up at the world like he did before.
I'm so interested in this story, I love the suspense! Keep it up and I will be looking forard to the next chapter. AND.... Congrats on Graduating!
~Lauren
First, thanks for the comments. I know how busy life can get. And thanks for the congrats!
Harry is maturing and I really try to portray that. It's difficult because I'm not used to developing any characters, let alone so many. But it is definitely enjoyable. I decided to have Harry's POV because I thought that he would be the one most affected by Stephanie's behavior. I always have to contemplate about whose POV would be most effective in a setting, whether it be Ginny, Neville, Harry, Hermione, or Ron (I don't think I've done a Ron POV yet, but it is definitely coming!) or Dumbledore/Snape. It's always fun to put these in because it's definitely different from the information and emotions you get from Stephanie.
It is also hard for me to portray the changes Stephanie is having. I felt that I may have moved too quickly, but I wanted the changes to be drastic. I really hope it works with the story. And I am definitely aiming to have her be like Bellatrix. And I am ecstatic that I am keeping you on your toes. That is what I'm going for with the story: to keep the readers guessing! I do have lots of things planned, so we'll see what happens to each character.
The storyline. Yes, I am doing that on purpose. Though I will admit things coming up may be out of order or later/earlier than they happened in the books. That is done to enhance the purpose of my storyline, and I'm pretty sure they work. Also a piece of warning, I am going to be changing a few things to what happened in book seven, but I will definitely try to explain those parts fairly well within the story to make it clear.
Thanks again for your comments. I love reading what you think.
Kristin
Harry is maturing and I really try to portray that. It's difficult because I'm not used to developing any characters, let alone so many. But it is definitely enjoyable. I decided to have Harry's POV because I thought that he would be the one most affected by Stephanie's behavior. I always have to contemplate about whose POV would be most effective in a setting, whether it be Ginny, Neville, Harry, Hermione, or Ron (I don't think I've done a Ron POV yet, but it is definitely coming!) or Dumbledore/Snape. It's always fun to put these in because it's definitely different from the information and emotions you get from Stephanie.
It is also hard for me to portray the changes Stephanie is having. I felt that I may have moved too quickly, but I wanted the changes to be drastic. I really hope it works with the story. And I am definitely aiming to have her be like Bellatrix. And I am ecstatic that I am keeping you on your toes. That is what I'm going for with the story: to keep the readers guessing! I do have lots of things planned, so we'll see what happens to each character.
The storyline. Yes, I am doing that on purpose. Though I will admit things coming up may be out of order or later/earlier than they happened in the books. That is done to enhance the purpose of my storyline, and I'm pretty sure they work. Also a piece of warning, I am going to be changing a few things to what happened in book seven, but I will definitely try to explain those parts fairly well within the story to make it clear.
Thanks again for your comments. I love reading what you think.
Kristin
Heya
Firstly your writing is really good and you should not let any body tell you differently.
Secondly I hope that Stephanie doen't mean when she says that she is gratefull for Voldemort and that she will not let anybody harm him. I just hope Harry and the rest can save her.
That is all I needed to get of my chest keep up the good work.
dewet
Firstly your writing is really good and you should not let any body tell you differently.
Secondly I hope that Stephanie doen't mean when she says that she is gratefull for Voldemort and that she will not let anybody harm him. I just hope Harry and the rest can save her.
That is all I needed to get of my chest keep up the good work.
dewet
Always more questions with my posts.
Great chapter, it was mostly in Steph's POV, yay! I like how it re-capped the events of the previous chapter and then the mission with Snape was great. I always wondered what happened to Karkaroff as we were never really told what happened to him.
Steph used the Killing Curse for the first time. I wonder about how she will be affected later on, because if we remember to the chapter in DH about Snape's memories, in the one with the chat wth Dumbledore, he hints at the fact that using the Killing Curse changes someone forever. Though Steph didn't have any immediate reactions, I wonder if they will occur later, or perhaps it's because she is like the DE, and they don't seem to have any bad reactions. Though maybe they're like Voldemort, they have reactions yet they do not notice because their conscience is gone. Hmm....
The questions about how come she wasn't affected by the Curse Voldemort put on her was interesting, though it could have serious consequences for a lot of people. Like first of all, how come she knows about the Curses? The Dark Lord didn't tell her so that will come up in a conversation. There are just so many things that can go wrong with her asking about it, but I want to read about it because I think it'll be interesting.
Hermione's POV was great, it also re-capped the Karkaroff murder, and the news article sounded like a Rita Skeeter piece. That's what I thought when I read it anyway.
Steph's changes are quite drastic, but you would expect that from someone who lives with Voldemort and the DE 24/7. Her thoughts are different but she doesn't realize it. She is becoming exactly like Bellatrix yet she thinks she is not changing that much. It's excellent because in real life people don't normally notice that they are changing but everyone else does.
To reply to your response to my last post, changing the seventh year storyline is definitely what would have to happen because I don't think this story would fit well with the original.
Anyway I loved it, and I wish you a Merry Christmas as well.
~Lauren
Great chapter, it was mostly in Steph's POV, yay! I like how it re-capped the events of the previous chapter and then the mission with Snape was great. I always wondered what happened to Karkaroff as we were never really told what happened to him.
Steph used the Killing Curse for the first time. I wonder about how she will be affected later on, because if we remember to the chapter in DH about Snape's memories, in the one with the chat wth Dumbledore, he hints at the fact that using the Killing Curse changes someone forever. Though Steph didn't have any immediate reactions, I wonder if they will occur later, or perhaps it's because she is like the DE, and they don't seem to have any bad reactions. Though maybe they're like Voldemort, they have reactions yet they do not notice because their conscience is gone. Hmm....
The questions about how come she wasn't affected by the Curse Voldemort put on her was interesting, though it could have serious consequences for a lot of people. Like first of all, how come she knows about the Curses? The Dark Lord didn't tell her so that will come up in a conversation. There are just so many things that can go wrong with her asking about it, but I want to read about it because I think it'll be interesting.
Hermione's POV was great, it also re-capped the Karkaroff murder, and the news article sounded like a Rita Skeeter piece. That's what I thought when I read it anyway.
Steph's changes are quite drastic, but you would expect that from someone who lives with Voldemort and the DE 24/7. Her thoughts are different but she doesn't realize it. She is becoming exactly like Bellatrix yet she thinks she is not changing that much. It's excellent because in real life people don't normally notice that they are changing but everyone else does.
To reply to your response to my last post, changing the seventh year storyline is definitely what would have to happen because I don't think this story would fit well with the original.
Anyway I loved it, and I wish you a Merry Christmas as well.
~Lauren
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