Hey!

Yes, I know what you think. Not Vicki again! But yes, she’s back! Please enjoy as I’ve in this fic thrown myself out in things I’ve not done or tried before.
Thanks to me amazing beta, Kaitlyn; she’s already helped me a lot.
And thanks to JKR for writing Harry Potter. Without those books I’d be lost and not writing this. I don’t own anything beside Louisa and a few other figures.
Now read!

*

1 – Felda, Felicity, Felinda, Fergie, no?
Mornings. I hated them. Passionately. Especially when I had to lay awake for half the night because the walls between my room and my brother’s best friend’s room are extremely thin! Why didn’t they just go somewhere else for her last night instead of here? Now I had to look at her when I went down for breakfast. Not that I was bothered by having to look at her, really. But I was bothered when I could listen to other people “having fun” in the room next to mine. Okay, there had been worse times, but no matter when it was, I was in a really bad mood the morning after because I couldn’t get any sleep the previous night. My brother, on the other hand, didn’t care at all. He high-fived his best friend in the morning and then they’d have a big laugh about it. I showed the white of my eyes every time. They were kind of childish.
The door into my room burst open and my brother entered. The second he saw I was awake he grinned and in one long jump he stood up in my bed.
“Come on, Louisa! Get up!”
I rolled over, but I was already on the edge of my bed (I found out too late), and fell onto the floor with a small shriek closely followed by a loud bump.
“On the floor as usual,” James laughed, jumping off my bed and offering a helping hand.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, pushing my too short nightgown down.
“No problem,” he said, still wearing a smirk. “But do you ever think before you act or speak, as a matter of fact?”
“What’s the fun about that?” I asked, trying to make my accidents more humoristic than they were.
He pulled a hand through his hair looking at me with a raised eyebrow (I was jealous, I couldn’t do that). “Not as many bruises, broken bones or blood lost?” he offered.
“That’s a lot of b’s in one sentence!” I replied, trying to change the subject. “Now get out so I can go to the bathroom.”
“Just don’t be too long. Felicia offered to make breakfast.”
“So the thing has a name?” I mumbled before I could stop myself.
James raised an eyebrow again. “If you weren’t my sister and I didn’t know you or the fact that you have a boyfriend, I’d think you were jealous.”
“Ts,” I uttered. “As if.”
“Just don’t be too long,” he smirked.
“I won’t.”
‘Oh, yes I will!’ I though at the same time. I intended to spend at least half an hour in the shower. I don’t know why, but I always felt kind of awkward when I entered the kitchen, and saw a new girl sitting down there with her perfect lips formed into a perfect smile, showing her perfect teeth. And then I could feel from James and Sirius that I had to talk to her, which I found very hard. Not that I didn’t want to (okay I didn’t want to), but also because I had nothing whatsoever to talk to them about. I just didn’t connect with any of them; I guess it was because we were so different and had just... nothing in common.
I first noticed James had left and said goodbye when the door slammed shut softly and I was left alone with silence as my only company. I walked over across my room, into the hall and entered the bathroom seconds after. Locking the door with my wand, I turned to the shower. I dropped my clothes, entered the shower and turned the water on. With a yelp and a jump I was out again a second later as the water surely was on minus degrees. What I hadn’t noticed though, was that a little puddle had gathered on the floor and of course I had to step on it and slip. I landed hard on my tailbone. Groaning, I slowly got up and rubbed my lower back. I stuck my hand into the running water, waiting for it to be warm.
Fate, Merlin and Luck had to hate me. I was always the one to trip, fall down a flight of stairs, blow up something in Charms and Transfiguration or get dangerous potions spilled all over me. And to make it even worse, I got bruises very easily. Just walking softly into a wall with my shoulder would cause it to turn blue for at least a couple of days. Therefore, people would most likely always be able to find just a little blue mark on me. Yes, Fate, Merlin and Luck definitely had to hate me.
After the half hour that I promised myself I’d spend in the shower, I turned the water off and grabbed a thick towel. Wrapping it around my body, I stepped outside and picked up my nightgown, heading towards the door. I quickly unlocked the door and opened it, stepping out into the hall. A little too late I found out that another person stood outside and I nearly knocked him over. Luckily, Sirius moved out of the way before I could run into him. I looked up at him, clenching the towel harder over my chest.
“Morning,” he said, sounding amused. He let his gaze quickly slide up and down through me (which to tell the truth, did make me feel slightly uncomfortable). “You missed breakfast.”
“Oh,” I sighed, pretending to be very sorry. “I kind of lost track of time.”
“‘Tis okay. But Felicia had hoped to meet you.”
“Err,” I responded; honestly, I couldn’t say the same.
“But we’re jumping in our swimsuits and then into the pool. Are you coming?” he continued without taking notice of my hesitating answer.
“I don’t know,” I mumbled. “I’ve just been showering and re-”
“Not now of course,” he sighed, showing the white of his eyes. “In a few hours. When James gets back.”
“We’ll see about that,” I mumbled and pushed past Sirius towards my own room.
“Oh, come on, Louisa!” he called.
I didn’t turn, mostly because I suddenly remembered that I was only wearing a towel, and didn’t feel too comfortable under Sirius’ gaze. I had once heard him tell James that he could undress girls with his eyes, even if they had lots of clothes on and he’d never seen them naked before. And really, I was not too keen on becoming one of those girls. Luckily Sirius had a little more respect of James and his sister, which meant me, and hopefully didn’t do it on me. I sighed in relief when I closed my bedroom door. It’s not like I didn’t trust Sirius, but there was something about him, his karma I think, that made me feel slightly uncomfortable around him. As if I couldn’t read his intentions or his actions like I could with other people. I guess it had something to do with the fact that I spent the first two years at Hogwarts as his and James’ bullying victim. Then there was the awkward break where we didn’t really talk and James and I started to have a real brother-sister relationship (we have a really close relationship now). Sirius and I didn’t talk at all. It was only last year that we’d actually developed something that could be put into the ‘not-enemies’-category.
Safely inside my room, I dropped the towel, looking around for clean clothes. After a few seconds I spotted a skirt and a top I could wear.

*

It’s not like I didn’t want to join the others at the pool. ‘Liar, Louisa.’ Okay, it was because I didn’t want to join them, but I couldn’t tell James that. Less Sirius. Again, we weren’t that good friends, but I couldn’t tell him that I didn’t like hanging around his girlfriends. That would be mean. I wasn’t a mean person, was I? Really, at the time, I was in doubt. I was throwing dirt at it – her, I mean, Felda. No! Hmm. I threw dirt at Fidella? Argh! I threw dirt at her without knowing her. I guess it was because I knew how the rest of them were. At the beginning of last year, when he moved in with us (why, I had no idea), I tried to associate and talk to him, to get to know him. But when the fifth girl slept over, I simply stopped trying. It was too much of a mix-up.
“Oh, come on,” James said yet another time outside my door.
“I’m not feeling well,” I mumbled through my door; ‘Liar, liar, liar,’ it sung in my head. “I think I might infect you with something.”
“Can’t you just open the door so I can see?”
“Err.”
There was a reason why I didn’t open the door. I couldn’t lie to James. He’d know straight away. I guess it was his eyes, because if I let the door be shut, I could easily tell him that I had broken his broom (that was until he ran away to have a look himself, then he’d see right through it), but he would only believe me if the door was there.
“Louie, what’s wrong with you?!” James suddenly exclaimed.
I sighed heavily, grabbing for the key in my door. “Ah, it’s just a bit of a headache,” I said, opening the door.
He smiled. “That’s not something to stay inside for. Just come out and have some fun.”
“Fine,” I said, grabbing my bikini. “But you have to go outside while I change.”
“Sure?” he asked. “Cause I really want to see my own sister naked. How disturbed are you?”
I shoved him in the chest, making him fall out through the doorway. I slammed the door, almost hitting his feet. I quickly changed, taking a look at myself in the mirror. The beige bikini was one that my best friend Miranda had chosen for me. I liked it. It really suited my brown eyes and thick hair. I had never gotten an actual word for the color of it, so when people asked, I said ‘golden-brownish.’ It couldn’t really decide whether to curl it or not, and if it hadn’t been so damn dry and thick it would have been really pretty, but let’s face it. I didn’t have the good winds on my side. I tend to believe that the universe hates me.
I removed my hair from my shoulder, revealing a very thin one-inch-long scar close to my neck. I received it in the end of my second year. Sirius’ fault; I nearly died, I think. It was after that incident that he and James stopped bullying me. I’d never really gotten revenge, even though Miranda had told me to. When looking at it, I saw myself in another light; I was a scarred girl. I hated it. Brushing the hair down again so the scar was hidden, I turned to my door.
Just as I was about to exit my room, something banged against my window. I turned just in time to see my black owl, Jack, fall from the window onto the ground several meters below. I sighed; Jack was the same as me; very clumsy and always got hurt. As I opened the window, a faint hoot was carried up and I couldn’t help but smile. Jack was quick off the ground and flown up to my window. He carried a letter in one of his legs. Smiling, I took the letter and unfolded it.

‘Lisa!
Nice to hear from you again! Yes, I’m having a great time in France. Missing you, though. I’m sunburned on my back, but I’ll survive. We’ve been out to see some caves. “Fascinating,” my mum said. I beg to differ! Then I made out with some Frenchman who looks so cute! Oh, and Damien said he misses you too, then he started to ramble and I stopped listening. Short point is that he misses you, I think. I was wondering if I could come over sometime in next week when I get home? Do James and Sirius plan to be at home then? I could bring Damien over, even though I think he’ll come without me asking.
I guess that’s all I have to say for now. More to follow when I get home, and let me hear about coming over.
- Miranda.’

I folded the letter neatly again, smiling. Miranda had been my best friend for more than ten years. She had a huge crush on Sirius and lived next door to my boyfriend, Damien, who was about one year older than us. He graduated from Hogwarts last year with top marks in most subjects. James didn’t like him that much. That just made me like him even more. Sometimes I intently crossed James opinion, just to see how mad it made him (this wasn’t one of the times, though, as I was in love with Damien and we’d been dating for about seven months).
I snapped out of my thoughts as someone knocked hardly on the door. “Louie!” James called.
“Coming,” I called. “I said I’d come.”
‘Please, Merlin, save me!’ I thought.
“Yeah, but quick. It’s tiring to look at Sirius and Felicia snog all over the pool.”
“And you think I want to look at that?” I snorted.
“Just come and keep me company.”
I grabbed a towel, chose my brown sunglasses (I had more than twenty pairs) and suntan lotion from my bed and walked over to the door. I slammed it open and James nearly avoided it but still fell to the floor. He sent me a glare. I just smiled at him.
“Coming?” I asked innocently.
He growled and grabbed my hand to pull himself up. Then we walked outside. There wasn’t a single cloud on the sky and the sun was shinning way too brightly. Gladly, I pushed my sunglasses down from my hair onto my nose. Very snobbishly, I straightened my back, held my head high and pursed my lips slightly, and then moved towards the pool. It was in situations like these when I gained a completely different role: Louisa the Snob.
Sirius and his girlfriend-for-the-day stood in the deep end of the pool, kissing. Okay, snogging heavily. I wrinkled my nose strongly and James cleared his throat. They broke apart immediately.
“Glad you could join us,” James smirked. “Felicia this is my sister, Louisa.”
The girl looked up at me from the pool. Studying her, I found that she was like all the others. Way too thin and tall, too perfect smile, eyes and nose, and a huge chest.
“Hey,” I said in the most snobbish voice I could produce.
James glanced shortly to me, but then turned back to Sirius and ‘What’s-her-name-again?’ She swung her wet, too blonde and too long hair over one of her shoulders and smiled up at me.
“Hi!” she said brightly; I hated it. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
I looked from James to Sirius. Why did they have to tell her about me? I’d rather stay unnoticed than have all the world’s pretty girls looking at me. After a few seconds, I realized that I had to say something too. I couldn’t say I’d heard much about her too as I only knew about her since yesterday when I heard her loud giggles coming from Sirius’ room.
“Oh,” I just uttered before I turned to the deck-chair farthest away from them all. Then my reply came to me. “Nice to meet you then.”
I threw my towel on the ground, wanting the sun to heat it up. Silently I sat down on the chair and started to rub lotion on my arms. I looked up as something cast a shadow over me. James stood there looking at me.
“What was that?” he asked in a very low voice, so only I could hear.
“What was what?” I asked him back, pushing my glasses up to my hair with the backside of my hand.
“That! You completely ignored her back there.”
I looked past James to see Feline and Sirius in a hot embrace, eating each other’s faces off. “She doesn’t seem too worried,” I said.
James shot me a glare. “Louisa, show her the respect she deserves.”
‘Which means nothing.’ I sighed. “Fine.”
If someone was stupid enough to sleep with Sirius Black the first time they met him (or even fall for him as a matter of fact), that person did not deserve my respect. Ever.
I was carried out of my thoughts when Felicity’s laughter came into my ears. I looked up at James, raising an eyebrow. To be honest, he seemed bothered by it too, but I’m sure he just wanted to show Sirius respect.
“I’ll talk to Felinda later,” I said, sighing. ‘No, I won’t.’ I thought.
“Felicia.”
“Who cares?” I exclaimed, then lowered my voice. “She’ll be gone tomorrow anyway.”
James opened his mouth to protest but slowly closed it again, nodding defeated. “You’re right.”
“Now,” I said, “I plan to get some sleep since I didn’t last night.”
‘Because of Sirius and Floria.’
I pushed my glasses back down again. James snorted. I laid down and closed my eyes, feeling James’ shadow move away. In the next second a loud splash sounded and suddenly I was covered in water. I screamed. Of shock naturally. Normally I didn’t scream. Okay, I screamed a lot, but I got hurt and fell a lot too.
Slowly, as wanting to emphasize how mad I was, I took my (wet, probably ruined) glasses off, threw them on the chair and got up. One step forward and I slipped. ‘Of course.’ James, who was the one who had caused the tidal wave, had left half the water from the pool on the tiles and I had to slip on it. I fell on my bum, but ignored the pain and got up, glowering from anger. James slowly backed away, eyes on me. Sirius was grinning while his girlfriend looked at me, fascinated. ‘Idiot.’
“James Potter, you are so dead,” I said.
Then I jumped. I landed right on my brother’s back and he was pushed violently underwater. Shame on him I was quite strong so I could hold him under. Weird, actually. He played Quidditch and worked out once in a while, yet I could easily outrun him. No idea why.
When I had held him under for almost half a minute yelling, “DIE! DIE! DIE!” Sirius seemed to have had enough. He let go of Fergie and grabbed my shoulders, pulling me away. James’ head splashed over the water surface, gasping for air with a smirk upon his lips. And when Sirius let go of me I jumped on him again.
“NEVER,” I yelled, “SPLASH WATER ON ME AGAIN YOU BIG FAT STUPID STINKING THOUGHTLESS ID-”
Sirius pulled me away once more, laughing. “I think he has understood you, Louisa.”
James reappeared from under the water, not smiling, but looking at me with a funny look.
I glared at him. “We’ll see about that,” I mumbled and got up. ‘I can always kill him later.’

*

First chapter of new story. Please leave feedback.

- Vicki

Hey! Sorry for the slight wait, hope you can be satisfied with the chapter!

*

2 – Grapes
“Louie?”
I blinked; I had just been asleep. Why did James have to stand outside my room now, knocking on its door and calling? And it was only… Okay, half past eleven.
“Yeah?” I groaned.
He opened the door slightly. “Coming down? We’re having lunch.”
Still with closed eyes I turned into my stomach. Finding no bed, I rolled onto the floor. Ignoring the pain, I was up on my feet in two seconds.
“What’s the freaking matter with this bed?!” I yelled. “Why are you never broad enough?! Argh!”
I kicked it, realizing way too late that the bed was just slightly harder than me. Next, I was dancing around on my left foot.
“Oh Merlin,” I heard James sigh.
I looked at him; he’d put his head in his hands in a giving up way. “What?” I snarled.
“You’re loosing it,” he said. “Talking to your bed...”
“I’m not loosing it,” I said. ‘Maybe just a little,’ I thought.
“You’re talking to your bed.” He showed the white of his eyes. “Hurry downstairs. We’re having lunch in a few minutes.”
Mumbling angrily to myself, I started to get dressed as James exited. I found a pair of long shorts, and a big t-shirt I had nicked from James a year ago or so. I quickly brushed my hair, but didn’t bother to do anything else. I might as well just let it go. At the table sat James, Sirius and some black-haired girl. She looked like someone named Angela or Angelina.
“Glad to see you could join us,” James grinned.
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“So,” Sirius said to his girlfriend. “This is James’ sister Louisa. That’s easy to remember, right?”
The girl nodded, getting up and stretching a hand out for me. “Hi! I’m Louise!”
‘No way!’ No reason to forget her name, it was too close to mine. I observed her for a second; she had pretty lips, blue eyes and high cheekbones; she looked like one who had more brains than to sleep with Sirius Black. But of course, I had heard it all last night, so that could not be true.
“Hi!” I said, sending her a fake smile back. “Louisa Potter.”
I had to go through this day. I just had to. Tomorrow would not be worth spoiling by making James get mad at me.

*

I woke up Tuesday morning, a big happy smile playing on my lips. Today, or rather last night, Miranda and Damien came home from France, and today they’d visit me. Nothing could ruin my day.
“Louisa?”
‘Okay, maybe that. Why, Merlin, why?’
Two words: My mum. My mum, who had chosen today exactly, to stay home from work and take care of us ‘lovely young folks’. Why today of all days?! Today, when my best friend, who I hadn’t seen for two weeks, was coming to visit me along with my boyfriend, who I hadn’t seen for nearly a month. Bad planning, actually. We hadn’t seen each other very much in so many days and our parents had chosen different days to travel on, so we were going to have less than four days together.
“Louisa?!” she called once more.
“Yeah?” I groaned loudly, rolling onto my stomach and looking out of the door to my balcony, down into the garden; James and Sirius had already invaded the pool.
“Come down here and have some breakfast while it’s still warm! It’s nearly noon!”
“Fine. Fine!”
So without even combing my hair, I pulled a way too big t-shirt over my head instead of my nightgown and headed down the stairs. My mum sat in the kitchen with a rag in her hands and a bucket on the floor; she was cleaning again. Well, let me explain. My family is crazy. My mum is very overprotective, and loves to clean. Actually when she’s not at work, she’s most likely cleaning. And she’s very forgetful about things that have nothing to do with cleaning and James, me, Sirius or dad. My dad… Where to begin? He acts like a teenager instead of a grown up man of 59. He loves to play Quidditch with James and Sirius and is just as clumsy as me and always ruins things. And if we have to go even further out, I had a grandmother of 103 who was mental. Very funny, she was, Grandma Judy. Lucky she had Grandpa Harry. I was sure he was the one keeping her sane. He was actually one of the only normal people in the family. And then my father had a brother. He and his wife had a house that could be packed into a suitcase. They also had a son and a daughter. They traveled all over the country. They’d never gone to school, but were magnificent wizards anyhow. Alex, the girl, was a vegetarian and loved to paint, she never put on any makeup and only combed her hair a few times a week. The boy, Luca, had chosen to live among Muggles and did fine without ever using his wand. And my mother had a brother too. He was nearly seven feet tall and enjoyed to watch horseback riding while knitting. That was just about the core of the family. As said, not at all a normal family, but really, what would you expect in a wizards’ family?
I slumped down on a chair in front of the oatmeal my mother had made me. It was cold now. She could at least have kept it warm or thrown it out when she knew I wouldn’t be able to make it downstairs in time.
“I’ll just take an apple instead,” I mumbled, grabbing it from the plate.
My mother just nodded; she was picking in the little rag. “You got a letter by the way,” she said.
I looked around and found a letter. On the floor? My mom was starting to get crazy, just like grandma Judy. I recognized the writing on it as Miranda’s. I quickly tore it open and read.

‘Dear Lisa,
If it’s okay with you, Damien and I are arriving an hour earlier than planned, since we would be forced to go hunting with our fathers if we didn’t. I hope it’s okay… What am I talking about? Of course it’s okay! So we’ll be arriving at about twelve o’clock.
See you then!
Miranda’

I looked up as the clock on the wall chimed. I sighed; of course, twelve. ‘Just my luck.’ The next second two loud pops were heard in the garden and I stormed over to the door. Miranda and Damien had just arrived. In a great hurry I flung open the door and stormed out and embraced Miranda in a long hug.
“I’ve missed you so much!” I grinned.
“I’ve missed you even more!” Miranda laughed.
“You’re really… red,” I said as we broke apart, eyeing Miranda.
Miranda laughed. She’d been sunburned, and her blond hair had turned even lighter. And since she wore a strapless top, the lines from the bikini were white against her red shoulders. She looked rather funny to be honest.
“You know I’m not good in the sun,” she said.
I grinned at her and then turned my attention to Damien. He was nearly a head taller than me (no wonder, since I am small), had the prettiest dark brown hair and lovely brown eyes. He was just perfect in my eyes. Before either of us had even blinked, we gave each other a big hug, followed by a kiss. When having missed one’s boyfriend for almost a month, it tends to take over. We didn’t notice, though. That was until James spoke.
“Oi! No public display of affection!”
We broke apart at once. I showed the white of my eyes, hugging Damien tighter.
“There’re five people present, James,” I said. “Five.”
“That’s also public display,” Sirius said, raising an eyebrow, (Why would both James and Sirius do that? I guess it was a Marauders’ thing).
Miranda laughed. I could feel Damien’s hand take a soft hold of mine and I sent him a happy smile before I turned to both James and Sirius.
“Then turn around. I’ve not seen Damien for nearly a month.” My gaze turned to Sirius only. “And you shouldn’t be the one to speak, Sirius.”
A grim red color decorated his neck for a short second. I turned away from the two and looked at Miranda and Damien instead.
“Brought a bathing suit?” I asked.
Miranda smiled. “Just bought a new one. I’ll just go to the bathroom and change.”
I nodded and then turned to Damien. “What about you?”
“I’m already wearing it,” he said.
That was the first thing he said since he got here, and I was so happy to hear his voice again. It was deep and melodic, with a touch of a smile. I loved it.
Smiling I looked at James and Sirius who were studying us at the moment. “Okay, show’s over. Can we please have some privacy?”
James sent me a scowl but turned and jumped into the water closely succeeded by Sirius. Damien’s hand gave mine another squeeze and I looked up at him.
“I’ve missed you,” he said.
“Oh!” I exclaimed and gave him a tight hug. “And I’ve missed you!”
“Shall we?” he asked and made a sign with his hand asking me to sit down.
I smiled and sat down. “So how was France?”
“It was nice,” he said, studying James and Sirius in the pool. “There were a lot of fascinating events and marvelous attractions.” He turned his gaze to me instead. “When do you plan to dress into proper clothes?”
“Oh,” I just uttered and looked down. “Now? Coming!”
He shrugged, but then got up to follow me. By the door, we nearly bumped into Miranda, who was coming out, already wearing her new bikini, and on her way to join James and Sirius. She was smiling all over her face. I felt kind of sorry for her. Because of the fact that she liked Sirius, of course. Generally I meant that only stupid and brainless girls liked Sirius, but Miranda was none of that. She was smart, funny and not clumsy as me. She was a perfect girl, way too good for him.
Damien pushed me softly on the back as we slowly moved towards my room. My mom had gone out to visit some old ladies she had tea with often, leaving the rag on the kitchen table, so we were all alone in the house. I quickly ran up the stairs, Damien followed slowly. He shut the door after him while I was finding some clean clothes.
Turning, I held up two tops. “Which do you like the most?” I asked, lifting the two tops on turn.
He frowned. “The blue one. It’s the most peaceful one.”
“The blue it is,” I mumbled throwing the red on the inside of the closet again.
I started to pull my t-shirt off. Damien as the sweet, but slightly shy gentleman he was, turned and sat down on my bed, looking out of the door, into my minimal little balcony that was two square meters wide.
“So,” I said, looking for a skirt. “Did you really enjoy France?”
“I did,” he said. “But I still believe that Egypt would have been more fascinating. To be in Cairo, near Giza. See, there would have been something to look at.”
“Like pyramids and sphinxes?” I asked as I pulled a white skirt on and found a pair of white fly-looking glasses; one my favorite pairs.
“Yes,” he said with passion in his voice.
I sighed deeply and turned to him. “You still want to go there, don’t you?”
He turned and I was glad that I wore clothes now, otherwise he’d just have blushed and turned away again. We looked at each other a few seconds, studying our expressions. At last he sighed.
“Yeah…”
I nodded. More to myself than to him. “Okay…” I muttered.
He got up. “But why worry Louisa?” he asked and took a step towards me. “You’re going to Hogwarts. We’re not going to see each other that often anyhow.”
“It’s just…” I trailed off, looking down. Damien stepped closer and made me look up at him with a soft hand. “Having you that far away,” I mumbled. “The thought is scaring me.”
“Me too,” he said and kissed my forehead softly. “Me too. But this is just what… It is what I want to do.”
I looked through my balcony door at Miranda who was being drowned by James and Sirius. ‘Why can’t my life be just as unproblematic?’ Having a boyfriend who did not want to move to Egypt was all I asked for. One who could follow me and not leave my side for months. But again, when I went to Hogwarts I would only see him on Hogsmeade weekends and on the holidays. Yet it would be better than this.
“I understand,” I mumbled at last. “And since it’s that important to you I won’t make you stay. Even though it would be like that if I was the one to decide.”
“I know,” he laughed silently and kissed me once more. “But it is my life.”
I hugged him tightly. “It’ll be weird… Having a boyfriend all the way down in Egypt.”
“And the same for me. Try to imagine how it is to know that my girlfriend is going to school and being overlooked by every guy there.”
I snorted. “No one looks at me.”
“I do,” he said. “And I’ve seen several others do too.”
“I think you’re wrong,” I said.
“I think not,” he responded, smiling. “But why not let it go and move outside? The weather is lovely.”
I smiled, grabbing his hand. “Come on then.”
We walked down the stairs together. On the table my mom had sat a bowl of fruit. I smiled and grabbed a little bunch of grapes. Damien eyed me.
“Shouldn’t you let them lie?” he asked. “It will upset your stomach.”
“But they taste so good!” I complained, but at the same time I knew he was right.
“Just leave them, Louisa,” he sighed and took them from my hand.
He put them back, my eyes on them. As we walked outside I grabbed the little bunch anyhow and ate them behind his back.
‘Haha! Win-win situation!’
It wasn’t though. Twenty minutes later I sat on our bathroom floor, with my head on the toilet, getting sick all over. Damien’s hand was resting on my back. He sighed deeply, taking some of my hair away from my face.
“Didn’t I tell you so?” he asked.
‘Yes you did! That’s why!’
I resisted the urge to hit him. He was always so wise after the event. But then I should hit myself, I could just have listened to him, but somehow I just aim to do what people tell me not to and won’t let anyone tell me what not to do. That’s the reason why I always end up with my head down a toilet or on detention with James and his friends.
At last I mumbled a yes before I spit the last time. Damien slowly let go of my hair and stroked my back instead. Then I got up.
“Better?” he asked, smiling.
“Slightly,” I said.
“Then let’s go outside again.”
He grabbed my hand and softly dragged me outside. This time the others had gotten out of the pool and were sitting on the edge. They turned at the sound of our steps. James smirked at the sight of me.
“Done getting sick?”
I shot him a nasty glare. “Not if you step nearer.”
Sirius laughed slightly, eyes on me. “So you feel better?” he asked out of concern.
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Okay,” James said, getting up. “I’ve thought of something… Do you think I could make Evans come over if I say it’s a birthday party for me?”
Sirius groaned and fell with his back first into the pool. James looked up hopeful at me while Miranda was just shaking her head slightly. I sighed, showing the white of my eyes.
“Honestly, James,” I said, “No. Your birthday was half a year ago, and I-”
“Oh, what do you know?!” James interrupted and turned slightly.
“I have my birthday on the same day as you, dork! We’re twins, remember?” I said and James opened his mouth to respond, but I didn’t let him start. “And Lily hates you by the way. So do I, but that’s out of question.”
“No need to be mean!”
I showed the white of my eyes. “Okay, fine. I don’t hate you. Just a joke, James, just a joke,” I said and James turned to the pool, then I looked at Damien again.
‘But I do hate Lily Evans.’
I truly did. Even though I loved James and supported most things he was into, I’d never understand him when it came to his crush, Lily Evans. I hated the girl. I hated her face, name, voice and everything that was associated to her. No idea why, but that was just the way it was. But it was only Lily, not her best friends. I found Mary MacDonald and Sue Norman very sweet, but I didn’t talk to them because they talked to Lily. It was a crazy world we lived in.
I snapped out of my thoughts as Damien softly pushed me towards a chair to sit on. Instead I pulled him towards the pool where we sat down on the edge. James and Sirius were once again splashing water around while Miranda had sat on the edge beside me.
“So that Frenchman…” I said, smirking at her.
Miranda smirked and Damien laughed.
“You should have seen her,” he said. “‘Is he looking? How does my hair look? Is this top cut too low?”
I leaned a bit closer to Miranda. “You should know better than to ask a guy about that kind of opinion. Well, not Damien of course. But most other guys will never say a top is cut too low!”
“It was just a question…” Miranda said with a smile.
“So how? When?” I asked. “Tell me!”
“Well it was actually Damien who helped me,” Miranda explained. “He took a wrong turn in the town. We got lost and had to stop and ask for help. Then he showed us the way.”
“Then we just talked and found out that he lived near the hotel we were staying at,” Damien finished for her.
“Oi, Damien!”
We all turned as James and Sirius called for Damien.
“What?” he asked.
“We kind of need your help over here,” Sirius said.
“It’s a guy-thing,” James supplied.
I frowned; this could not be good. Why would James and Sirius need Damien? James didn’t even like him that much. Damien frowned too, stood up and walked around the pool to where James and Sirius were. Then I turned to Miranda.
“So you forgot all about…” I trailed off, nodding slightly towards Sirius.
Miranda just smiled. “It was really nothing down there. Just a fling. I had fun and forgot about it all.”
I nodded. “It’s good for you.”

When I said goodbye to Miranda and Damien later that day, I felt as if my whole vacation was over. There were only five days till school started and I would only see Damien three of those days. Yeah, I know. I’m a crybaby. But he was going to Egypt in a week or so! I wasn’t going to see him a lot next year, and every second I could spend with him was very precious to me.

*

Yep! That was chapter 2. I hope you enjoyed it. Now, click here and make me smile by leaving feedback hehe

- Vicki

Hey! Sorry for the long wait. I’ve got a thousand excuses, but I wont bore you to death, so just read
And thanks to Kat for being an amazing beta!

*

3 – ‘Persecuted by Tons of Bad Accidents’
“Promise you’ll write to me,” I said as I hugged Damien for what seemed like the twentieth time.
Again, he kissed the top of my head. “Yes, I promise,” he said.
“And miss me,” I mumbled into his shirt.
“Only if you miss me too.”
A smile formed unwillingly on my lips. The whistle sounded and the sound of the doors closing made my ears. I knew I had to let go of Damien now. I did slowly.
“Bye,” I said.
He kissed me lightly. “Bye, Louisa.”
Then I stepped inside the train, waving to him through the window of the door.
When the train started to move, I stopped. I turned to find Miranda, walking down the train with my trunk behind me. I found her almost at once. She sat with two other girls, Pandora and Kate from Ravenclaw.
“Hey,” I said depressively as I stepped inside.
“Said good bye to Damien?” Kate asked knowingly.
I nodded heavily. “I’m not going to see him for a very long time.”
My three friends looked sympathetically at me. After a few seconds, Pandora patted the seat next to her wanting me to sit down. I did at once, eyes looking out of the window. I regretted that. I had sat too far out on the seat and it was rather slippery. Next thing I knew, I was sitting on the floor, pain shooting up my back from my tailbone.
“Ow!” I groaned.
Pandora sighed, showing the white of her eyes. “Good gracious, Lisa.” She offered me a hand and I took it thankfully. “Same as always, eh?”
I nodded weakly, rubbing my lower backside. “I really have no intentions of changing.”
They all laughed silently as I sat down carefully on the seat. I did not slip again.
“Did James cast some sort of spell upon you when you were younger, since you can’t sit down without hurting yourself?” Miranda asked.
I shrugged. “No idea. He would be able to.”
“So how was your summer?” Pandora asked.
I shrugged. “Fine.”
I refrained from telling about my nights with little sleep because of Sirius, with regard to Miranda.

When the train ride had taken about an hour, loud noise and voices were heard just outside of our compartment. We all exchanged confused glances. I was the first to get up and poke my head outside of it. Right there stood my dear brother, smirking widely and looking at Lily Evans who stood a few meters away. She, on the other hand, did not smile. Her arms were crossed and she looked at James with deep, deep disgust. A meter or so behind Lily stood Sirius, Remus and Peter, looking at the other two, smile upon their lips.
“Go - to - hell!” Lily said with a loud slow voice, her green eyes sending lightning towards James.
James smirked even wider. “Say what you want, Evans,” he said, “but you like me. Deep, deep down inside, you do.”
“Arrgh!” she exclaimed, her hands flying up over her head and her voice growing stronger. “I’ve had enough of you, Potter! I want you out of my life! I want you to stop bugging me! I want you gone! I want you to go to hell! I want you to leave me alone!” she yelled at the top of her lungs and turned to walk away.
James didn’t pull a smile. “If you notice,” he then said, “all of your sentences start with ‘I want you’.”
That did it. Lily stopped dead. As I slowly hid behind Miranda and Pandora, Lily turned around and stomped towards James. For a second the two of them looked at each other. Calm and controlled anger was shown for only a second in Lily’s face. Then it exploded. Lily jumped on top of James, hands outstretched for his neck, screaming, and face screwed up in hate, anger and determination. Her intention was clear; James Potter should be dead, gone, not breathing anymore, and she should be responsible for it, the saviour of the world from James Potter.
My mouth fell open. Lily Evans had lost it. She – had – lost – it. And it was all because of my stupid brother and his stupid crush. An idiot. I had long ago decided that I did not want to interfere in the Lily/James Hate/Love relationship. Well, maybe if Lily actually was to kill James, then I’d go into action, but otherwise, I’d let them solve their problem themselves.
Slowly James turned purple as he didn’t succeed in pushing Lily off him (‘Is James just weak or what, since he can’t pull neither Lily nor me off him?’), and Sirius joined the little ‘fight’. He grabbed Lily’s shoulders and pulled her off him.
“Relax, Evans! We can’t have you kill Prongs!” he said seriously yet with a hint of a smile.
Lily struggled to get free. “But I really, really want to!” she hissed, eyes locked on James who was gasping slightly for air.
Meanwhile James slowly got up, backing away from the red-faced Lily. “Think about it logically,” he said. “There wouldn’t be any more fun if I died.”
“The sooner you die, the better!” Lily hissed, but slowly calmed down.
“Wow, that’s just harsh, Evans,” James said, in a fake hurt voice, taking a hand to his heart. “Really, really harsh. Even for your standards.”
Lily pulled her remaining free arm from Sirius’ grasp, calm taking its position on her face. “Shut up,” she said, and slowly turned.
I must have blinked because I didn’t see the next thing since it happened so quickly. Lily had turned towards Sirius, pulled her hand back and then placed it right in the middle of his face with more power than possible, making a crunching noise. Blood gushed from Sirius nose; it was broken. He fell backwards, hands up to his nose, howling in pain. Lily just continued without a second look at any of them. James was the first on Sirius’ side, next to me. As James fumbled with his robes to find his wand, I whipped mine out in a matter of seconds and pointed it at Sirius.
“Episkey!” I said and the nose healed at once. “Tergeo!” His face was cleaned from the blood.
We studied him for a couple of seconds while he lay on the ground, recovering. Then he slowly sat up, taking his hand up to his nose again.
“Wow,” he mumbled, rubbing it slightly back and forth with his fingers. “That’s pretty good magic, Louisa.”
I smiled, getting up. “Thanks.”
Sirius turned his gaze towards James who had gotten up too. “Really Prongs, that’s the last time I save you from Evans. If I’m going to get another broken nose because of you, our friendship is over.”
James and Sirius both laughed and I smiled, glad they could make fun of it. Nothing really ever bothered them, and nothing ever could get between them, not even Sirius taking the blow that should have hit James.
“Alright,” James grinned, offering Sirius a hand. “Deal.”
Sirius grabbed the hand and was dragged up. He flicked his hair out of his stormy eyes while they turned to me, but only for a second. He quickly looked at James again.
“So we’ll be going back?” he asked.
James grinned and they walked away. I sighed and pushed the other girl inside again: Miranda, slightly unwilling since she could still see Sirius walk away.
“Just go inside,” I sighed, pushing her softly in the back. ‘Honestly!’

*

I woke up slightly late the first morning of school. It was Miranda who had decided that I should get up now, and for that I thanked her. I quickly got out of bed. I stepped on the floor, taking one step at a time and suddenly I slipped and landed on my hip. A little piece of pink soap was at the moment rushing over the floor from my bed towards the wall and then heading towards Mary Macdonald’s trunk where it stopped.
“Who the hell left a freaking piece of soap on the floor?!” I yelled, furious, getting up.
Lily came rushing out from the bathroom with her hair wet and a toothbrush in her mouth. Her eyes quickly found the piece of soap, still spinning around. Her brows flew up under her thick fringe.
She pulled the toothbrush out. “Oh my God, Louisa!” she gasped, nearly chocking on the toothpaste. “I’m so sorry!”
‘You little-! One day, Evans, I swear, one day!’
My eyes were lightening, but Lily’s glance made my outer tempter fall. When it came to Lily Evans I had two tempers. The outer and the inner (sounds weird, I know). The inner constantly hated the girl, and the outer on the other hand always acted nice towards her and never got mad at her. Why my temper and I acted like this, I had no idea, but that was just the way it was. I grumbled some kind of an acceptance to her apology and walked towards the bathroom to shower.
When half an hour later I sat in Transfiguration, I lifted slightly up my shirt, looking at the purple bruise forming on my hip. Uh! Lily and her ridiculous pink soap! I looked up as I distantly heard McGonagall call my name.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“What, Miss Potter, may interest you so much you don’t have time to listen to my teaching?”
I opened my mouth. “A bruise?” I asked. ‘Not good, Lisa, not good.’
McGonagall raised an eyebrow in disapproval. “Please pay attention, Miss Potter.”
“Yes, Professor,” I mumbled and grabbed my quill, ready to take notes.
Miranda sent me a smile. I placed my head in my hand, looking down and letting my thoughts wander slightly again.
‘Where might Damien be at the moment?’ I asked myself.
‘Probably on the way to some stupid portkey on the way to stupid Egypt to look at his stupid sphinxes,’ a very bitter voice inside of my head answered.
At the moment I was very angry; it was probably because of McGonagall. Speaking of… She was looking at me again. I lifted my head slightly. I could see that she expected an answer of some sort from me. What was the wiser thing to say? ‘Yes’, ‘no’ or something completely different. Miranda’s gaze didn’t help me at all. My thoughts drifted slightly to occasions like this that I’d been in. Most times that I’d answered ‘yes’ had got me in trouble. When I answered ‘no’, no harm was done and I wasn’t put to answer even more questions.
“No,” I croaked at last.
Miranda let out a sigh and I cleared my throat. McGonagall looked slightly taken back.
“Well then,” she said loud and clear. “You’ve just earned yourself a detention, Miss Potter.”
I closed my eyes, groaning. Of course, one of those times I should have answered ‘yes’.
“She asked you if you were paying attention, Lisa,” Miranda whispered in my ear.
I looked at McGonagall. “Oh,” I mumbled. “How could I know?”
Miranda raised an eyebrow at me.
‘Why can everyone but me do that?’
“So you didn’t listen. The detention was earned then,” she said.
A note landed on my table. I grabbed it before McGonagall would have a chance to see it.

‘Good job, Louie.’

I crumpled the piece of parchment in my hand. I leaned back on my chair, arms crossed over my chest, sulking. I caught a glimpse of James who had turned in his seat. He caught my eye and shook his head, smirking. Then he turned to look at Lily. Placing my head in my hands again, I tried to stay focused on McGonagall for the rest of the class.

“Miss Potter,” McGonagall called as the class ended, “if you’ll come up here for a second.”
I grabbed my bag. “Just go,” I muttered darkly to Miranda. ‘This will be fun.’
She waved at me and walked out. Slowly, as waiting for Judgment Day, I turned and walked towards McGonagall. I stopped just in front of her table. McGonagall turned her gaze at me, looking over her glasses.
“Miss Potter,” she begun. “With the great lack of attention you seem to pay during my classes, I think a detention would help you focus in the future.”
“Uhu,” I simply uttered.
“So I’ll set you up to a detention on Thursday at seven. More information will be given then. You’re excused.”
“Okay, Professor,” I said and hurried out of the class towards potions.
Class had already begun. Miranda had saved me a seat at our usual table in the back of the class. Pandora sat down there too, but Kate did not have potions. They both smiled and pushed out my chair so I could sit down.
“Thanks,” I muttered and sat down, finding my books and ingredients. “So what are we brewing?”
“No idea,” Pandora said with a shrug, eyes on a drawing of a Quidditch field that she’d made.
“Something dangerous,” Miranda said and frowned, looking towards the blackboard.
“Great,” I sighed. “Who wants to bet a galleon that I’m not gonna leave this class without getting some of that potion on me or getting hurt?”
“I’m on it,” Pandora said and we clasped our hands together. “Well, just be careful. I mean how hard can it be?”
“Ask the last six years I’ve spend in this dungeon,” I mumbled, my gloomy voice returning. ‘One galleon for me!’
Pandora smiled. She was always so optimistic. I, on the other hand, was a pessimist. No wonder, actually, I had spent my whole life as the target of slippery floors, sharp knives and too small beds you could easily roll off.
And then slowly we began to brew the potion. I was careful when chopping things and even more when putting them in the cauldron where the hot potion could splash up on my arms.
I only almost set the record, though. I had only lived through a very few classes in a row in which I didn’t get hurt. This ruined it. I had five classes from last year and my record was six. It was typical that I had to ruin it now... An hour into the class, my knife slipped, I cut myself and howled out in pain. As a reaction to it, I tried getting my hand as far away from the knife as possible, and accidentally drove it through the fire under my cauldron.
“OUCH!” I cried out loud.
The whole class turned at me. I felt stupid. As always, I stood in the back of the class, small tears in my eyes and pain shooting through some part of my body.
“Miss Potter?” Slughorn called and sighed loud; he was used to my accidents.
Immediately, I walked towards his desk where he stood ready to help me. He gave me some purple paste I had seen a million times before and I held it on my good hand. I walked back to my table to heal the cut.
“You owe me a galleon, Pan,” I said. “At least I can make some money out of my misery.”
She smirked, finding the money. “Good gracious, Lisa. How do you do it?”
I shrugged. “No idea.”
“Let me help you with that,” Miranda said and grabbed my knife and stared to cut my roots before I hurt myself even more.
“Thanks Ranner,” I said as I started to part some rat livers.
“No need,” Miranda said. “We can’t have you killing yourself before the first day is over, right?”
“Meeh!” I uttered, but couldn’t keep from smiling.
“And next time,” Pandora announced and made circling movements with her hands around the fire, “fire is hot!”
“Shut up!” I laughed and pushed her slightly.

I succeeded in coming through the last of the class without hurting myself even more. As we sat down in the Great Hall for dinner, I felt as if it was about time. I grabbed a bowl of fruit and placed my teeth on an apple at once. As I bit the little piece of it off, I noticed something little and brown inside the rest of my apple. Eyes widening I spat the chunk out.
“Oh come on!” I exclaimed slightly louder than intended too.
“What?” Miranda asked.
“You’d think that at a school of magic they’d be able to make worms stay out of the apples I’m eating!”
Miranda bit her lower lip, trying to hide a smile. Sulking (and very angry) I threw the apple away towards the other tables.
“Louisa!” Miranda said, sending me a reprimanding glance.
“There was a freaking worm in it!” I exclaimed. “I mean-! Argh!”
Words were no longer enough for me. I placed my hand hard on the table, which caused pain to shoot up my arm, but I ignored it. I grabbed another apple and started to slice it in minimal pieces to see if anything was wrong with it. Of course. Now that I was being careful, nothing was wrong with it.
“Why do you think everything hates me?” I sighed heavily and supported my head in the palm of my hand.
Miranda smiled slightly. “I don’t know, Lisa,” she said. “Maybe you’re just unlucky.”
“I need a stronger word than ‘unlucky’!” I mumbled. “Maybe ‘Louisa’ means ‘Persecuted by tons of bad accidents’ in Chinese or some other language I know nothing of!
“Don’t be so harsh.”
“I’m not harsh. I’m…” I sighed; I had no word for myself at the current situation.
“You’re Louisa,” Miranda said. “You wouldn’t be the same without getting ‘persecuted by tons of bad accidents’ as you put it so nicely.”
I smiled weakly. Just in that second, an owl landed right on my plate and the slightly chewed piece of apple with a half worm in it. I looked at it and recognized it as Damien’s.
“Hi,” I said, the good mood coming back to me at once.
I quickly grabbed the letter, not able to suppress the bubbling sensation in my stomach.

‘Hey Louisa.
In just a few hours I will be on the way to Egypt. I surely miss you already now, but I will try to have fun. I hope I can be home when your first Hogsmeade trip arrives. Please let me know.
Kisses and Love, Damien.’

I dumped the letter on the table. That wasn’t the letter I had expected. I had hoped for one slightly longer and with more kisses and ‘I’ll miss you endlessly’ comments. I guess that kind of romantic letters only existed in my imagination.
“Cheer up, Lisa,” Miranda said. “We have Charms next. Please try to smile.”
‘You try to smile!’
But I did, even though I was not happy. Charms was my favorite subject. Mostly because I found Flitwick was something beyond a great teacher. He was also fun and understood how to make his students pay attention. To be honest, I was rather good at charms, except when things blew up of course, but that wasn’t be being bad, just my ‘luck’ who had left me. Or had never been there. Anyway… It was my favorite subject.
We ate the rest of the dinner without sulky comments or topics which could lead back to Damien or my ‘luck’. Then we hurried to Charms.

*

Love it or hate it, leave feedback anyhow

- Vicki

Hey!
Sorry! Long time, no see! But here's a chapter for you all! Go and enjoy, and as alwasya huge thanks to my beta, Kaitlyn!

*

4 – Find a Trophy With a Funny Name on And Then Throw It
Thursday started off badly.
I woke up when something tickled my left arm, which was lying next to my head. I frowned, but didn’t want to open my eyes.
“Go away Miranda,” I muttered.
No one answered and the tickling continued and made its way towards my hand. Finally, I opened my eyes to see what it was. At first I only saw a blur of my own skin, the red wall and then something black. As my view cleared, I realized what the black spot was. My eyes shot open wide and I jumped up from my bed, brushing it off my arm, screaming. Since I kept screaming and dancing Sue came running out of the bathroom to see what it was. She stopped, looking at me, her black, wet hair not even brushed.
“What’s the matter, Lisa?” she asked anxiously.
I looked down to see where it had gone. “Spider,” I hissed as I stamped the floor. It escaped.
She pursed her lips, obviously trying not to laugh. “Oh, okay.” Her voice was slightly trembling. “I thought it was something serious.”
I looked up at her. “Spiders should be taken seriously.”
She nodded, smiling. “Sure thing. But I think you scared it away.”
“I think not,” I muttered darkly.
She shook her head slightly and turned back to the bathroom. Then Miranda came out. She’d been showering until now and had not been able to rescue me. She also thought my fear of spiders was stupid and tried to convince me to come down from my bed.
“It might still be there,” I whispered, “waiting for me to come down so it can attack me.”
“Right…” she said and shook her head slowly.
It took her twenty minutes to convince me to come down. By then, we were slightly late, but me, the most. I hurried into the bathroom to finish getting ready. Miranda left before I came out, and since I was already late, I decided to skip breakfast and go straight to Defence, which was the first class I had.
I was only five minutes late when I burst into the classroom gasping, “Sorry, I’m late, Professor! I kind of had a run-”
“That’s enough, Miss Potter,” the professor cut me short.
He stood with his back to me, looking out of the window. He was a tall, bald man and his voice was low, scary. He turned and looked at me. Unwillingly, I took a step backwards. His dark blue eyes landed on me, showing nothing but hatred and loathing.
“Ten points from Gryffindor for being late, Miss Potter.”
Then I recovered. How did he know my name? We hadn’t had any classes with him yet. He stepped away from the window and walked towards me, his eyes still locked with mine.
“I like my students to come to my lessons on time,” he said coldly. “You’ve already broken that rule. If that ever happens again, you will get a detention. Now sit down.”
Afraid to do anything else, I sat down next to Pandora, who I usually sat with during Defence. She didn’t dare to speak to me, afraid the Professor might notice.
“So,” he said, speaking loud and clear. “As I was telling before Miss Potter so rudely interrupted my lecture, I’m Hannibal Leicester. I’m a Ministry-approved teacher of Defence Against the Dark Arts. In my lessons, there will be no fooling around. I demand your full concentration and nothing less. Do you understand, Miss Potter?”
My head shot up and our eyes met again. I swallowed. “Yes, Professor,” I whispered.
“Good.”
As Leicester began his speech again, I could feel that he and I would have a hard time getting along and this would be the worst class to get through.

*

It was with a very heavy heart that I moved to McGonagall’s office that evening. I had barely entered the class when the door slammed open once more, almost knocking me off my legs. Luckily James caught me in time.
“You wanted to see us,” he smirked at McGonagall, pulling me up. “Good to see you too, Louie!”
I noticed Sirius was with him too. ‘Good Lord,’ I wished, ‘please, please don’t let them have detention too!’
McGonagall nodded stiffly. “Good evening, Miss Potter, Mr. Potter and Mr. Black. Don’t sit down. Your detention won’t be taking place here.”
I groaned inwardly. Of course. With James and Sirius on the same detention the chances of getting off before twelve were smaller than zero.
“If you’ll please follow me,” McGonagall said and got up.
I hesitated, so James grabbed my elbow and dragged me along. “Come on, Louie.”
“But I don’t want to!” I groaned in response. “I want to be free!”
He smirked. “Detention will be fun with Sirius and me on it.”
“I don’t doubt it,” I mumbled darkly.
“What a great mood you’re in,” Sirius said behind me; I could hear in his voice that he was smirking.
“Why do you think?” I hissed, turning slightly.
He took a firm grip on my other elbow. “Smile, Louisa! It looks so much nicer than that mask you’re wearing now.”
If anyone but Sirius had said that to me, I’d know they were flirting. Luckily, Sirius and I just didn’t click like that and he did have more respect for me than to let comments like that mean what they could mean. No, when Sirius said a thing like that, it didn’t pull me in the positive way. It pulled me more in the negative one.
“You can take that smile of yours and stuff it right up your arse!” I hissed before I was able to stop myself.
“Miss Potter!” McGonagall said and turned around.
Her eyes were shining. ‘Oh, dear. Breathe, Lisa, breathe!’ Was I in trouble or what? The gaze she sent me made me feel like a deer in the middle of a meadow right before getting shot. I gulped.
“Please watch your language. And I think staying a little longer this evening will help.”
“What?” I asked while protesting. “Professor, that’s unfair!”
“As the Misters on each side of your have done a little more than you to get this detention I would have let you go sooner, but seeing you can’t seem to hold your tongue, you’ll be off when they are.”
I was about to open my mouth to protest again, but both James and Sirius squeezed both my elbows, so I shut up.
“Thank you, Professor McGonagall,” James said, slowly letting go of me. “We’ll enjoy having my sister as company.”
McGonagall nodded and turned to walk again.
“So what exactly are we going to do?” Sirius asked, also letting go of me.
“The trophies need to be polished,” McGonagall said shortly.
“Oh, this will be fun,” I muttered gloomily under my breath.
Only Sirius heard it and sniggered. He quickly hid it with a cough though. The rest of the walk to the Trophy Room went by without more words or sarcastic comments. There, we all got a dirty rag stuffed into our hands and got to work.
I sighed heavily as I grabbed the first trophy and started polishing it. I could hear James and Sirius laugh at something behind me and turned. Apparently they had found a trophy with a rather funny name on.
I turned. “Ahem!” I said, placing my hands on my hips.
“Yeah, what?” James asked and looked up, still grinning.
“Aren’t you supposed to work?” I asked.
“Relax, Louisa,” Sirius grinned, stepping up next to James, a small trophy in his hand. He kept throwing it up a foot or so and then catching it again. “We’re just havin’ a bit of fun.”
“Can’t you do that later?” I sighed.
James and Sirius exchanged dark looks and turned to work without another word. Their silence didn’t last long, though. Even though they were working, they talked and joked for the next half hour. I just kept quiet, concentrating on my work.
“Hey, Louisa?”
I turned when I heard James call my name from the other side of the room. The next thing I saw was a large flying golden object making its way through the air towards me. I didn’t even have time to make a single thought cross my mind before the golden trophy hit me right over my left eye.
“Ouch!” I cried out and fell back on the floor, pain shooting through my head.
“Shoot!”
I slowly opened my eyes to see James looking down at me, concern in his eyes. Sirius stepped up next to James, also looking at me.
“How are you?” James asked.
“Fine,” I grumbled and blinked a few times; my left eye hurt.
My vision was quite blurred and I blinked once more. I slowly raised a hand to it, slowly letting my index and middle fingers run over my eyebrow. Something warm and wet met them. Blood. Both of them sat down next to me.
“Does it look bad?” I asked, frowning, then wincing because of the pain.
James dried the blood away with his rag. “Not much.”
“Why did you throw a trophy at me?” I asked, blinking hard, trying to focus.
He shrugged. “No idea. Thought you were quick enough to catch it.”
“With my luck, you should know better.”
They both smirked at me and got up. James offered me a hand and I took it.
“So you don’t feel dizzy or anything?” Sirius asked.
I shook my head even though I did a little bit. “Not the slightest. Now, what were we playing? ‘Throw the Trophy’?”
James grinned and let the rag run over my eyebrow once more. “No. ‘Find a Trophy With a Funny Name on And Then Throw It’.”
Sirius and I laughed. I looked down at the trophy. It read, ‘Di Rhea’.
“It’s just mean to call one’s kid that,” I said.
Sirius sniggered. “And remember to call the person before you throw,” he added.
I nodded before James dried my eyebrow again. I slowly turned to the trophies when the guys walked back to their own lot. From that point on, I checked every trophy I polished for funny names, but it seemed as if James and Sirius got them all.
“Louisa!”
I spun around at the sound of Sirius’ voice calling my name. I nearly caught the trophy. It slipped out of my hands as soon as I thought I had it. It wasn’t too bad though, it didn’t hit my feet. I picked it up and read.
“Seymour Privates,” I said and laughed silently. “Nasty.”
“Great, ain’t it?” Sirius smirked.
I nodded and threw it back to him. He polished it and put it back on its shelf. Next it was James who threw one at Sirius.
“Hugh Jass,” he read aloud, smirking.
I laughed slightly. “Why name your children stuff like that?”
“So other people can have a laugh at it?” James suggested as he caught the trophy from Sirius.
I turned back to my shelf and continued polishing trophies. No really good names caught my attention, while both James and Sirius threw something like a thousand times across the room. I was nearly on the end of my shelf when I finally found one. I turned, grinning.
“Sirius!” I called and threw it at him.
He quickly turned and caught the trophy with one hand. “Barry Halls?” he asked. “What’s funny about that?”
“Try switching the first letters,” I called.
A second of silence passed, then, “Ohh!” he exclaimed and laughed. “That was a good one, Louisa.”
He threw the trophy back to me. Throughout the evening I got better at it, so I caught this one safely. Sirius grinned at me before turning back to his trophies. My upper arm had started to hurt and I was only waiting for McGonagall to come back and excuse us. When I had sat the last trophy back on the shelf, I slumped down on the floor and closed my eyes. Groaning, I leaned back on the floor.
“Not tired, are you, Louisa?” James grinned from above me.
“I think my arm is dead,” I mumbled, moving my fingers slightly.
Sirius stepped up next to James. “Is this your first detention in here?”
I nodded. “Yea…”
“No wonder you feel dead then,” he said and exchanged glances with James. “Remember our first time?”
James smirked. “Yeah. The time when we hexed that stink bomb. Rumour has it that the Slytherin common room smelled two weeks after it.”
I showed the white of my eyes. Typical from those two. I looked up again as James and Sirius had both offered me a hand. I took them both and they pulled me up.
“Hurry up, Louie,” James said and ran a hand through his hair. “If we all do it, we’ll finish before eleven.”
I groaned. “Fantastic!”
James sent me a smile and they both turned and walked back to their own shelves with trophies. I grabbed the next gigantic one. It was heavy and slipped through my wet fingers and landed hard on my foot.
“Ouch!” I yelped and jumped on the other foot.
The others turned around, looking at me.
“Honestly,” James sighed. “Can’t you go through one day without hurting yourself?”
I shot him a glare. When I could stand on my foot again, I gave the trophy a hard kick, biting my lips at the pain it caused on that foot. The trophy soared over the floor and Sirius stopped it safely with his foot, smirking. He softly kicked it back. I picked it up, a bad mood growing inside of me.

*

When I woke up the next day, the first thing that came to my mind was how much my arm hurt. I groaned and slowly sat up. My arm felt as if it weighted more than a ton and felt double as big as usual. I tried to lift it up, but it simply hurt too much. I decided to use my other arm instead on everything I did during the whole day.
“Good morning, Lisa!” Miranda called from her bed.
“Bad morning,” I said with a yawn.
“How was detention?” she asked sitting down on my bed. “You hadn’t returned when I went to sleep.”
I shrugged. “I guess we lost track of time.”
Miranda raised an eyebrow. “How can you do that in detention?”
“We played a game. James called it ‘Find a Trophy With a Funny Name on And Then Throw It’.”
She laughed. “Sounds funny. What did you do to your eyebrow?”
“Got hit by a trophy,” I muttered, running a finger over my sliced eyebrow. “It was before I knew the rules of the game and that we even were playing one.”
“Oh.”
“Ranner, I don’t want to go to class,” I complained. “I can barely lift my own arm.”
Miranda smiled. “Let me help you then,” she said and got up.
She found my school uniform and threw it to me, then a brush, which hit my shoulder, and at last a hair band.
“Thanks,” I mumbled and pulled my feet out from the blanket.
The floor was icy when I stepped on it and I shuddered. I yawned yet another time and started to get dressed. Only ten minutes later, Miranda followed me down to the Great Hall. It smelled lovely of good food and my mouth watered. Miranda was nice and poured breakfast in my plate before I even tried it myself. As we started to eat James, Sirius, Remus and Peter slumped down next to us. Miranda looked thrilled that Sirius had sat down next to her. I looked at James. He was smiling at me.
“What?” I asked and a bit of egg flew out of my mouth onto my plate.
He grinned even wider. “How’s your arm?”
“Still dead,” I said. “I don’t think I’m capable of using it today.”
“Here!”
I looked at Sirius who was the one who had spoken. He had stretched out his hand like waiting for me to give him something.
“What?” I asked. “Do you want my arm?”
“Just let me help you,” he said.
“Just do it,” James said, eyes on his breakfast. “It’ll help.”
I slowly raised my arm and laid it in his hands, exchanging looks with Miranda. She looked a bit jealous. Sirius’ fingers started to massage my arm hardly. I winched in pain and the others showed the white of their eyes. One second he was poking it roughly, and the next, he rubbed it firmly from my hand to my elbow.
“Ouch!” I said as he hit a nerve. ‘If you cry now Lisa, you’re a wuss.’
He grinned triumphantly. “Almost there.”
Half a minute later he let go of my arm which had no more blood left in it. I stretched my fingers a few times and bent my wrist. My arm felt good.
“Thanks,” I said.
He smiled. “I owed you for your help on the broken nose. Anytime!”
“So,” James grinned and leaned over the table, beckoning us. “I’ll warn only you two, girls. Stay out of the Entrance Hall this evening.”
“Not another prank?” I sighed.
“Yep,” Peter said, probably the first word he spoke that day. “Our best so far.”
“It’s quite hilarious,” Remus mumbled, looking for something down the long table.
Comparing Remus to the other guys in their little gang (called the Marauders if I hadn’t said), he was a quieter and sweeter person. Of course he was a troublemaker like the other three, but he was more human. I liked him for that. James, I liked because he was my brother. I didn’t like Sirius that much because he was what he was. Peter was just a person I couldn’t bother to care about. Not as annoying or loud, but just quiet and shy.
“Do we want to know?” Miranda asked.
“Nope!” Sirius laughed. “You’ll have to see!”
“You just told us to stay away,” I said.
“No, James told you to stay away. I tell you to come.”
“Great,” I mumbled and stuffed some food into my mouth. “Don’t count me in.”
“I might come,” Miranda sighed.
‘Typical.’ I felt like showing the white of my eyes, but stopped in the last second. If Miranda felt like going to the Entrance Hall to drool over Sirius with a bunch of other girls, she would be welcome. I’d stay in the tower.
“Louisa, are you coming?”
I looked up at James who had been the one speaking. “Huh?”
“Care of Magical Creatures starts in five minutes.”
“Oh,” I mumbled and got up. “See you later Ranner.”
Miranda raised her hand at me as I started to walk out the Great Hall with James, Sirius and Peter. Miranda was left behind with Remus; they had Ancient Runes next. The air outside was heavy and it was clear that summer was not over yet. I yawned and stretched my hands above my head. How Sirius had been able to help me and my arm was beyond me, but I was glad he did. It didn’t hurt at all anymore.
We stopped near the Forbidden Forest, waiting for Kettleburn to arrive. I slumped heavily down in the grass, leaning against a big rock with my eyes closed. James sat down next to me.
“So,” he grinned, “you’re looking forward to the project?”
My eyes shut open. “Project?” I had forgotten all about that.
James nodded. “Yeah. In pairs. We pulled straws. Peter and I won. Ergo Sirius is left without a partner.”
“Oh, don’t tell me,” I groaned. “You want me to be his partner.”
“I really don’t care,” he said. “Just as long as I can trust you and him won’t go around a-”
“Yeah, I’m glad you trust me and know me so well,” I grumbled. “Really, James!”
He flashed a sheepish smile. “You just never know with Sirius.”
“You know with me,” I said. “I don’t even find him attractive.”
“Really, Louie. That just hurt.”
I looked at Sirius who came and sat down next to us. He grinned despite of my comment about him. I couldn’t help but grin too at the smile he sent me.
“Since when did you start calling me Louie too?” I asked. “Only James does.”
“So I’m not as good as James?” he asked.
I closed my eyes. “I didn’t say that-”
“But you meant it,” he interrupted, though I could hear he was joking.
“I just said that only James calls me that,” I continued as if I hadn’t heard him. “My friends call me Lisa, James calls me Louie.”
“So I’m not your friend?” James asked.
“Good gracious!” I exclaimed and opened my eyes again. “There’s no way I can have this conversation without insulting one of you, is there?”
“If I can’t call you Louie or Lisa,” Sirius said, ignoring my question, “what can I call you then?”
I cursed in my mind and got up. “You figure something out. I’ll go n’ have class.”
I turned to Professor Kettleburn and put all my attention on the lesson, since I didn’t want James and Sirius to complain about my name and what to call me. Instead, I listened as Kettleburn explained about our project. It would last about a month and we’d be working in pairs. Exactly as James had said. I looked around. Everyone seemed to have a partner, but we were twelve on the class. Someone had to be left alone.
“So I guess it’s the two of us,” someone breathed in my ear.
I closed my eyes, a small chill shooting down my spine; a reaction I did most of the time when people spoke like that, so close to me.
‘Why?’ I slowly turned and looked at Sirius. Let me put this straight. It wasn’t that I hated Sirius. Yes, I hated his stupid girlfriends and his at-times stupid remarks, but he was a nice guy when I talked to him. But in class? He was a great student, but didn’t take things serious, (Please notice the irony). And I had to. If I wanted to pass my exams, I had to pay attention and work on things. I wasn’t a clever student by nature. So why, why should I work with Sirius Black, of all people?
“Yeah, I guess,” I said at last.
He grinned and put an arm around my shoulder. “So let’s get to work,” he said, a pretty smile decorating his lips. “And I still need to find a proper name for you.”
I sighed heavily. “Okay.”
“Lou?” he asked, grinning.
“Do I look like a toilet?” I asked back.
“Loli?”
“Good Lord,” I sighed, looking upwards
“Amber?” he suggested.
“That’s my middle one, which I do not like.”
Sirius sighed. “I’ll work on it.”
I nodded absentmindedly. “Sure.”
‘This is going to be a loooong month.’

*

Feedback

- Vicki

Hey all! Okay, here’s the next chapter. Thanks a lot to my amazing beta Kaitlyn (especially with the title which I'm in love with); I’d be so lost without her. But before you read, okay, wow. I’m slightly disappointed in the lack of feedback I got from last chapter. I’m thankful to my faithful reader, Jessica, but please, even though you hate it, leave a note, it’s truly encouraging and helps a lot thanks!

5 – When it Rains, it Pours
I greeted the first weekend of September with a big fat smile upon my lips. I felt like drowning in homework, and I felt it was way too early to do so, but I was already looking forward to December and Christmas break. But I couldn’t spend the precious weekend in my warm bed or with Miranda, Pandora and Kate. I was about to spend it in the library with Sirius.
Miranda had promised, as soon as she heard about the project, that she’d stop by the library to visit me, so it was with a slightly lighter heart that I made my way towards the library where I’d meet Sirius at eleven. He was there already. Five fifth year girls had placed themselves two tables away. I recognized them as Sabina Young and her gang of giggling girls. I rolled my eyes as she threw her long blonde hair over her shoulder, looking towards Sirius. He didn’t even look at them; he was looking at me.
“Howdy partner!” he grinned.
I nodded instead of speaking and sat down. I yawned slightly and stretched.
“So where do we begin?” I asked.
“Here,” Sirius said and threw me a book.
I caught it, pain shooting up my finger. Of course I couldn’t even catch a book without getting hurt. I had broken a nail. Dropping the book on the table, I looked at my nail. I had done worse.
“So where is it?” I asked, blowing air to my finger.
“What?” Sirius asked with raised eyebrows.
I rolled my eyes. “The Malaclaw of course!”
“It’s called a Mackled Malaclaw,” he smirked and pulled up a little box from the floor. “And it’s here.”
I slowly opened the box and looked down. A lobster looking creature coloured in grey with green spots was looking back at me. Interested, I reached for the Malaclaw, but Sirius grabbed my hand. I looked up at him.
“Haven’t you read about this?” he asked and nodded towards the Malaclaw.
I shook my head. “No. I figured we should do that now.”
He grinned. “Well, if it bites you, you’ll be followed by accidents and be unlucky for a whole week!”
“Really?” I asked and tried to raise an eyebrow; I did not succeed. “Then it can’t hurt me. I’m unlucky as it is.”
‘As if a creature can change that to the worse.’ The thought almost made me snort.
He smirked. “With the ‘luck’ you have upon you now, I’d not be surprised if a bite from it ends up killing you.”
I pulled my hand back, noticing he still had a firm grip around my wrist. “Fine,” I sighed heavily. “Won’t touch it.”
“That’s my girl,” he laughed and removed his hand.
Both of my eyebrows flew up. “What?”
He showed the white of his eyes. “Not like that.”
“Good,” I muttered. “Because if James heard what you just said-”
“I would probably be executed,” he said with a smirk and a glint in his eyes. “I know. But then it’s a good thing he’s not here and we both know it’s just regular fun.”
I nodded. “So, should we get started?”
“Yeah,” he said and opened the book, looking up. “Oh, hold on. You’ve got something on your hair.”
He stretched out for my head and in a little elegant movement he had grabbed the something and held it up in front of my face. In a little silvery string that hung from his thumb and index fingers was a little black creature with eight legs. Screaming, I pushed my chair backwards away from the tiny spider. But the chair did not move as much as I wanted it to, and I fell off it, head first into the floor.
“Oooow,” I groaned and removed my legs from the chair onto the floor with me where I curled up with my hands behind my head. “Pink Paper Parade Passes the Puking Pole.”
Sirius had jumped up and was now studying me. “Are you okay, Louisa?”
“Why did you hold a spider that close to my face?” I asked, my heart pounding uncontrollable.
He grinned rather sheepishly. “Thought I’d show you what was in you hair.”
“I don’t like spiders,” I muttered and rubbed the back of my head.
“Ahh, okay. Sorry then,” he said. “What’s up with the Pink Paper Parade?”
I frowned, looking up at him. “What do you mean?”
“It’s just, such strange words to use for cursing, or what it was you were doing.”
“It’s a line I came up with one day I was bored. It’s good to use to express anger or pain,” I muttered.
He laughed and then offered me a hand. I took it thankfully, noticing that his, unlike a lot of boys’ hands, was warm and soft. He pulled me up gently, smiling.
“Do you enjoy lying on the floor?” he asked, slowly letting go of my hand.
“Ha, ha,” I said. “Really funny, Black, really, really funny.”
“I was just wondering,” he grinned, “since you’re spending that much time there.”
“Let’s just get to work,” I said with a sarcastic smile.

*

At half past nine I sat, legs over one armrest and back against the other, on a leaning chair down in the Gryffindor Common Room. I was not exactly sulking, but my mood seemed to myself as gloomy. Why, I had no idea. I had had a great day. Sirius made the whole time in the library fun, even though he started it with stuffing a spider up my face, but when we sat there for several hours, actually working, we suddenly noticed it was long past the time we had decided we wanted to stay. Sirius took the Malaclaw with him, wanting to take care of it. Liar, I had told myself. He wanted to find a way to use it for pranks. I was sure of that. James’ face when he saw the creature confirmed my suspicions.
‘Gits.’
“What’s on your mind?” Miranda asked as she sat down on the table next to my chair.
I looked at her. “Nothing really. I’m just…” I had no word for what I was. I was tired, yet felt more alive than I had done since I said goodbye to Damien. I was sad, yet light-hearted. My mind was clear, but I felt like a cloud was pressing on my brain on the inside. “In two minds,” I ended it.
Miranda smiled slightly. “What’s bothering you? Is it Damien?”
When I didn’t say anything she took a seat at the edge of my leaning chair instead of the table. She seemed to take my silence as a yes.
“Hasn’t he been writing back to you?” she asked.
I shook my head. “But really. It’s been five days. It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
I know my short sentences would give me away, and sure they did. Miranda sighed and let her hand run through my hair.
“Poor thing.” She sighed. “It’s okay to miss your boyfriend. You hardly saw each other in the summer.”
I sighed deeply. “No, we didn’t,” I agreed. Feeling my head pound I got up.
“Where’re you going?” Miranda asked.
“Bed,” I muttered.
“Night then!” she called.
I hurried up the stairs to the girls’ dorm and stepped inside, regretting it immediately. Lily was sitting in the dorm alone, writing a letter or something. She looked up at me as I entered.
“Hi Lisa!” she greeted me.
I cringed at the name. Only my friends called me that. Lily was not (even though she didn’t know) a friend of mine.
“Hey,” I said and then turned. “It wasn’t here I meant to go,” I added and rushed out.
Miranda frowned deeply at me when I entered the common room again. She opened her mouth to answer, but I cut her off.
“Lily,” I simply mumbled.
She grinned at me. She was more flexible about Lily, but as me, something about Lily bothered her. I stood on the spot for a couple of seconds before I moved towards the boys’ dorm.
“Where’re you going?” Miranda asked.
“I’m crashing at James’ bed,” I yawned.
“Come on, Lisa!” she called. “It’s barely ten!”
I looked out at the night sky where a couple of stars sparkled on the sky and some of the moon hid behind a couple of heavy clouds. The darkness made me tired.
“Yeah, but I want to sleep.”
Miranda got up. “You can’t just crash James’ bed. Where will he sleep then?”
“I don’t care,” I said with a shrug. “I can’t sleep when Lily’s in the same room, writing. I know she’ll want to have a conversation.”
I ran up the stairs before Miranda could say another word. It was easy to find James’ bed. It was the one with the broom leaned against and Quidditch posters around. I looked around, wondering only for a second where they all were. Probably out, making trouble. I quickly found a t-shirt of James’ and put it on instead of my own clothes. Then I stuffed myself neatly under his blankets, feeling a new feeling that day. Comfort.
James had always had that effect on me. Just the slight scent of him there could make me forget all my worries. He was kind of my protector, the one who always made sure that I was not sad or hurt. Ever since we’d been very small he’d always taken good care of me even though he could be a bully towards me sometimes. On the inside he really cared. He knew how to bring me up when I was down. He was the perfect brother.
And laying there, swept in comfort, I fell asleep.

*

I woke up again as a ray of sunlight hit my eyelids. I shot my eyes open, wondering for a second where I was. Then I remembered; boys’ dorm. I could hear the sound of a person snoring and another few deep breathings.
Looking out from the bed I found that James lay in the bed on my left side, blankets kicked off, and his bare chest rising and sinking in steps to his breathing. He wasn’t the one snoring though, but some noise did come out of him once in a while. On my other side lay Sirius on his stomach and head turned towards me, his blankets almost kicked off too. His face was troubled, his mouth pressed hard together and his eyelids fluttered slightly once in a while, though never opening. I frowned as a fresh, long and thin wound on his back caught my attention; it must have been wild last night. As I looked past Sirius I found the source of the snoring, Peter. He lay with legs and arms spread out from his body, his mouth wide open and snoring. He suddenly coughed slightly and the snoring faded into a cute soft snoring instead. I smiled, but as I looked back at James, something moved in the back of my mind.
Where was Remus? The bed James lay in could only be Remus’ since no mess was around it, as it was the case with the other three beds. Three books were neatly stacked on its nightstand. Had something gone wrong last night that made him not be here now? Had he been caught? But if he’d been caught, the three remaining Marauders wouldn’t just lie here, peacefully sleeping. A bit strange, actually.
I decided to push the thought away as I slowly got out of bed. I found my clothes, which I’d just thrown on the floor last night, neatly folded and laid in a pile on the floor along with my shoes. I grabbed the edge of my t-shirt and then stopped, looking around. I know it was quite stupid of me, but I didn’t feel comfortable changing in this room. Of course they were all asleep and one of them was my brother, but I just didn’t like it. Instead, I pressed my clothes to my chest and walked out of the dorm towards the Common Room and then the girls’ dorm. I could hear that someone had already gotten up and was at the current moment occupying the bathroom. Looking at the beds I found that it was Sue.
“Where have you been?”
The voice made me jump in fright. I thought everyone was asleep, but it seemed Lily was awake. I slowly turned to her bed, just to make sure.
“Err,” I uttered. “I’ve been sleeping.”
Lily sat up in her bed. “You haven’t been sleeping here. Lisa, where were you?”
I cringed, wanting to hit her. I looked out of the window for a second. Lily was Head Girl; she could give me a detention if I told her. But I chose to believe that Lily wasn’t like that. She was the good girl who wanted to be friends with everyone so she wouldn’t tell on me. She was way too nice. Irk!
“Boys’ dorm;” I muttered at last.
She straightened her back. “Lisa, that’s not permitted!” Her tone showed she did not approve it, but that she tried to keep it nice. Reprimanding.
‘Don’t you think I know that?’
I sent her an uncontrolled glare. “No, but maybe I needed to get away!”
It seemed to hit Lily. Of course, the way I said it could sound as if someone had died or that it was her. Well, the last thing was partially true.
“Is something wrong?” she asked, getting up.
I shook my head, feeling anger mixed with need rush through me. “I just needed some support in James, okay? Nothing for you to worry about.”
Her eyes were glimmering for a second at the name of my brother. “You miss Damien, don’t you?” she asked kindly.
How could she know everything?! And why did she have to be so freaking nice?
“Yes,” I grumbled and moved towards my own bed.
She seemed to accept that answer and lay down again, leaving me to my thoughts. ‘Thank you, Merlin.’ In that instant, I decided to spend the rest of my day in my bed.
Miranda woke up half an hour later. She found me at once, curled up under my covers.
“Lisa?” she asked softly.
“Aha,” I mumbled into my pillow.
“It can’t be that bad can it?” she asked, and I felt her when she sat down on my bed.
I sighed deeply. “It’s more the thought. There’s more than a month to the first Hogsmeade trip!”
She slowly stroked my hair, comforting me. “You’ll live through it.”
“Yeah, but it’s not fun now.”
She laughed silently. “Why don’t you write to him?”
“Because,” I grumbled. I had no further answer. “Just leave. You don’t need to spend your day with a depressed Louisa. She’s no fun.” When referring to oneself in third person, you were sad…
Miranda laughed and got up. “I’ll go take a bath and when I get out we’ll have some fun. Trust me. I intend to get you out of bed before noon.”
“Good luck!” I called as she walked towards the bathroom.

Miranda did not succeed the first two hours or so. Then she headed down to get something to eat. When she got back she told me she had a message to deliver.
I looked up at her. “From who?”
“Won’t say. You have to just go talk to them!”
I groaned. “Don’t make me! Just tell me who it is.”
She pursed her lips. “No way.”
I cursed under my breath. But slowly, my curiosity got the better of me and I got out of bed. Miranda laughed at me. I sent her an angry glare before I pulled a brush quickly through my hair, got dressed and looked in the mirror. I looked like a mess, but I didn’t care. With Miranda’s eyes on my back, I walked down the stairs. Only the Marauders met me down there. I guess Remus hadn’t gotten in trouble after all. He stood next to Sirius, smiling as ever, yet looking tired.
“Hey!” James grinned at me and stepped away from the others.
“Mm,” I mumbled.
“So, how are you?” he asked, his voice was slightly anxious and low so only I could hear.
I shrugged. “I’m fine.”
“Don’t give me that Louie,” he said. “What’s bothering you?”
“Nothing really,” I sighed. “I just miss Damien.”
He showed the white of his eyes. “Try to live your life here instead of far away with that…” he stopped. “That boyfriend of yours in Egypt,” he said carefully yet firmly.
I looked away. “Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed.”
He smiled dragging me into a hug. “Anytime, Louie.” He kissed the top of my head. “And now Sirius wishes to say a few words to you.”
He stepped away and I looked at Sirius who stepped forward. I looked at him, I could not read his gaze, but it didn’t seem as friendly as it used to.
“Why didn’t you show up at the library?” he asked.
I clasped my hand to my head. “Shoot! Oh, I forgot all about that! I’m so sorry Sirius!”
He crossed his arms. “I waited for you for almost an hour!”
I bit my lower lip. ‘Just make me feel worse, please.’
I could almost feel I was shrinking in front of him. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to leave you waiting!”
Sirius opened his mouth to say something but James cut him off. “Padfoot, it’s okay. She’s sorry, don’t be mad.”
It was in situations like this that I loved James the most. Even though I knew it must be hard for him to stand in a situation where his best friend was mad at his sister or the other way around, he understood to keep it cool and make us friends again. He could stand up to either Sirius or me when necessary. He was kind of our judge in these kinds of trials: he would decide who had made the mistake and who should be the one to be sorry. In this case, I said I was sorry but since Sirius didn’t accept my apologies, the situation had turned against him.
“I guess you’re forgiven,” Sirius mumbled after a few seconds.
I smiled. “And I truly am sorry. We could plan another meeting. This afternoon at four?” I asked carefully.
He flashed a careful smile. “It’s a date.”
“Ah!” James exclaimed shortly.
Sirius showed the white of his eyes. “Sorry! It’s a meeting then! Honestly, Prongs,” he said with a sigh. “You use the word date with Peter too!”
“Yes, but that’s different!” James argued.
“Yeah,” I grinned. “You can have a date with Peter but I can’t have one with Sirius!”
All the Marauders but James laughed.
“Of course you can’t!” he grumbled and turned; the others slowly followed. “Think of what a disaster it could cause! My terribly unlucky sister and my best friend, the greatest player of Hogwarts. What a couple! Padfoot, from now on I’m keeping an eye on you!” I could clearly hear the joking tone of his voice.
Sirius ignored him and turned. “Later, Louisa!”
I sent him a smile. “Yeah.”
Then I turned and ran up the stairs to the dorm. Miranda greeted me friendly. I put my hands on my hips.
“Was that what you sent me down to do? Talk to my brother and Sirius?”
Miranda smiled. “At least I got you up. You should go have something to eat now.”
“Fine,” I sighed and sat down on my bed.
“Err, Lisa,” she said. “Great Hall that way, not to your bed.”
“But I’m too tired,” I complained.
“You can sleep when you get old. Come on!”
I sighed. I did not have the energy to argue with her so I followed. In the Great Hall the lunch had already appeared on the tables. The smell actually made me hungry so I hurried to the Gryffindors’ table and sat down, pouring everything within the reach of my hands into my plate. Miranda sent me a grin.
“So what are your plans for the rest of the day?” she asked.
I looked up at her. “No idea. Did you have something in mind?”
She blew air out. “Not the faintest.”
“Neither do I,” I grumbled, feeling my appetite flutter away, so I started poking the food.
The next second Kate and Pandora had slumped down on each side of me.
“Hey sleepyhead,” Kate grinned.
I grumbled a response.
“Not in the mood to talk,” Pandora smiled and put an arm around my shoulder. “Really, Lisa, you should stop worrying about Damien being that far away.”
‘Yeah, you can easily say that.’
Again, I grumbled a response no one would understand. Miranda threw her fork on the plate. I looked up at her.
“Honestly!” she exclaimed. “You’ve barely been separated from him for a week! Pull yourself together Lisa; otherwise I’m not sure I’ll hang out with you. It affects me too!”
“Okay, fine!” I groaned. “What do you all want to do?”
“I think fresh air would do you some good,” Kate said.
“Great, let’s go,” I said, faking enthusiasm.
They bought it and all got up. Kate grabbed one of my arms and we headed outside. We sat down near the lake. Immediately, I started throwing stones out in the water. The more force I put in the throw, the happier I got. Really, I had no idea why I missed Damien so much. Maybe it was all something I imagined, as I knew how far away he was and that a long time would go by before I’d see him again. Strange, really it was. I had been able to live through the whole summer, not seeing him for nearly a month. Deep, deep inside of me, something told me it was because I knew that Damien would only come home because he wanted to see me. I was sure he never intended to move back.
Considered how much I had to think about, time flew very quickly and at half past three I got up, mumbling that I had to meet Sirius soon. I thought he’d be happy if I was there before him since I had stood him up earlier that day. Truly, I felt bad about it too.
But when I arrived to the library my idea was busted. Sirius was already there, sitting on his chair with his feet placed on top of the table. He nodded at me and smiled as soon as he saw me.
“A bit early, are we?” he asked and removed his feet from the table.
I shrugged. “You too.”
Heavily, I slumped down in the other chair, looking around. Then I noticed Sirius was studying me, frowning and with a hint of concern in his eyes.
“What’s up with you?” he asked outright.
I failed to pull a smile. “Nothing. Why would you think so?”
“Because James did not tell us.”
“Not following,” I said and found my books, not meeting his eyes.
He leaned slightly forward. “James tells me everything. Well, mostly. Except things that have to do with you and when you’re sad. He didn’t tell us this time when we asked. Nor did he tell me when I asked him alone. Are you okay? You’ve only slept in the dorm once before and that…” he trailed off.
I sighed. “It’s just…”
He suddenly looked even more concerned. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I just hate to see James’ sister unhappy.”
“I miss Damien,” I mumbled, without realizing it.
“Oh.”
“I know it’s silly,” I continued before I could stop myself, and before I knew it, I was telling him most of the thoughts that had been rushing through my head that afternoon.
When I finished, I noticed that I had slid long down on my chair and that Sirius had pushed his chair to my side of the table and now sat next to me, an arm around my shoulder. I was not sad enough to cry or anything, but I had a miserable attitude that made it okay for him to be there.
“Really,” he said when I had finished. “I understand why you’re sad. Not that I know of how it feels, but it must be hard; he’s all the way down in Egypt. But somehow you have to look at it from a positive perspective.”
I snorted slightly. “How?”
“Hmm,” he muttered. “Like… well, it’s a way to find out if it’s really a relationship that’s worth it all. Next time you see him you’ll know if he’s a guy worth keeping. If you can have a relationship with that distance in between you, then it’s right.”
“Wow,” I sighed.
“What?”
“It’s just… you seem so wise… I mean, considering what you just said.”
“Oh.” He grinned sheepishly and scratched his neck nervously. “It just… sort of came to me in a moment of insanity.”
“More a moment of sanity I think.”
“Wow. Thank you for the nice words.”
“Thanks for talking to me.”
He grinned again. “Let’s get to work, shall we?”
With a slightly lighter heart and a smile, I began working. It’s funny how you somehow find comfort from the person you least expect it. Sirius definitely had helped.

*

I won’t go down on knees, but please leave feedback

- Vicki

Hey! Okay, this is my favourite chapter so far! I hope you love it just as much as I do. Thanks to Kat for betaing! Remember to leave feedback when finished (I do have cookies!) . Oh, and to earn extra cookies remember to congratulate me! I can now legally drive a car! Haha!

*

6 – The Escape of the Malaclaw.
“Lulu,” he grinned as he sat down in his chair.
I looked up. “Huh?”
Sirius smiled even wider. “That’s my name for you. My name for you,” he said, emphasizing the word ‘my’.
‘Lulu? What kind of name is that?’ I opened my mouth, like wanting to taste it on my tongue. ‘Lulu’. It sounded good, actually, sweet. But not like anyone like me would or should be named. It was a little too sweet maybe. But I could live with that. It was good.
“I like it,” I said at last, meaning it. “But why Lulu?”
“I do too,” he said. “And well, ‘Lu’ is like the first part of your name. It sounds cute. Then it’s the first letters in the word ‘lucky’, which you are not. It’s kind of short for ‘Lucky Louisa’. One day you’ll find your luck… I think. And the name simply fits you.”
I raised both eyebrows. “I don’t consider myself unlucky.”
“You don’t?” he laughed. “Then what’s up with all the accidents?”
“My luck is waiting for me, as you said. It’ll come,” I said shortly.
‘Like you truly believe that, Lisa.’
He laughed. “Great. But there’s one thing. Only I am allowed to call you that.”
Nodding, I found my books. “Deal.”
I looked out of the window. Though we were only going halfway through September, heavy rain was pouring down, making me slightly depressed. Only a week ago, the weather had been fantastic. I sighed, turning back to Sirius. The sun was probably shining down in Egypt and it was a thousand degrees there. Then I noticed the Malaclaw wasn’t even here with us.
“Sirius?” I asked carefully.
“Mm?” he mumbled, looking through his papers.
“Where’s the Malaclaw?”
“It’s a Mackled Malaclaw-”
“Whatever.”
“And it’s in my dorm,” he continued, then looked up. “Why?”
“Seeing as it’s the creature we’re about to write an assignment on, I’d say it has to be here.”
He scratched his neck indifferently. “I don’t want to go all the way up there. Can’t we live without it for now?”
I rolled my eyes. “Sure, but remember it next time. Or else…!”
He sent me an apologetic smile, trying to charm his way out of it. He did succeed. I simply couldn’t be mad because of a simple creature. Hiding a smile, I bent my head over; he should not see that he had won so easily.
“Lisa!”
I quickly wiped the smile off my lips and looked up as Miranda ran into the library, a small wet roll of parchment in her hand.
“Aha?”
She stopped next to my chair, handing me the parchment. “Your owl came with it to our dorm. He fainted so I though I better come and give it to you.”
“How is he?” I asked concerned as I opened the letter.
“I think he’s fine. Lily took him to Kettleburn so he could help it.”
I suppressed a snarl; ‘Why does Lily have to touch my owl?’ But I couldn’t keep my thoughts on Lily as soon as I noticed the sender. The letter was from Damien. I only distantly heard Miranda start a conversation with Sirius.

‘Lisa.
So glad to hear that you have a great time back at Hogwarts. I’m really learning a lot too, even though I miss you. The Egyptians are so fascinating, and I’m having the greatest time of my life. Next week we’ll be excavating in a valley a bit longer out in the desert. I’m so excited.
Kisses, Damien’

I threw the letter angrily at the table. What was up with these short letters?! And how the heck had he been able to draw the conclusion that I was having a great time? Miranda looked up at me.
“Anything wrong, Lisa?”
I shook my head. “No, everything’s just fine,” I said lightly, suppressing the urge to sound sarcastic.
“Okay, well, I better get going,” she mumbled, sending Sirius a glance. He smiled back.
‘Oh.’ I felt quite disappointed that she had not caught the signals and looked down. She walked away without another word. I looked up quickly again as I felt Sirius staring at me.
“What?” I snapped.
“Not the greatest letter to receive?” he asked nonchalantly, studying me with a raised eyebrow.
“Oh, what do you know?” I mumbled and leaned back, crossing my arms over my chest. He grabbed the letter. “Hey, that’s personal!”
He read it before I could even try to get it back. “Is this your long missed boyfriend all the way down in Egypt who writes this crap?” he asked straightforwardly.
“It’s not crap,” I mumbled and looked away.
‘Shut up, you know he’s right.’
I studied the parchment. “He’s just busy and doesn’t have time to write long letters to me.”
“No, but if he doesn’t have the time to send you nice letters and answer them in the way you deserve, he can’t be a good boyfriend.”
I shot him an extremely angry glare. “Shut up, okay? If Damien doesn’t have the time, he doesn’t have the time.”
Instead of saying something back to me, Sirius silently slid over the table and sat on the edge, looking at me. In my opinion he was way too close, but when I looked into his eyes, it didn’t really matter. His gaze hit me like a blow in the middle section. His eyes shined with something I had only before seen in James’ eyes. I had never been able to translate the feelings going on behind them into actual words, but that gaze always made me feel appreciated, beloved, happier, and suddenly I felt better.
“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make Damien sound like a bad boyfriend. I guess it has its toll on me, being that much with James.”
A smile made its way up to my lips. “It’s okay. I know that James doesn’t like Damien, but it just surprised me to hear it from you.”
“Again,” he said, pointing a finger to his chest. “James’ best friend.”
“Ahh…” I said, then pointing my finger to my chest. “James’ sister. James doesn’t approve you sitting so close to me.”
He looked down at me. “Oh.”
He grinned sheepishly and jumped off the table, sitting down on his own chair again. Of course we both knew there was nothing to it, but if James saw Sirius and I sitting like that… Let’s just say that he’d not be happy. Maybe I was just paranoid. But both Sirius and I knew how James could be. Pulling me away from kissing Damien in public and stuff like that. If he was to decide, I’d die an old maid and a virgin. James had always been so protective towards me. That’s why he had always separated his friends from his family. Even though Sirius was his best friend, he did see the bad sides of him, and would not let me be a ‘victim’ of them. Fat chance, I always told myself. The day Sirius and I would date would be the day Lily and I became friends. As said, fat chance.
“So we’re going to do this work without the actual creature?” I asked, trying to remove the slightly tense air around us.
He shifted in his seat awkwardly. “Exactly…”
I studied him for a couple of seconds, eyes narrowed. ‘What is he not telling me?’
“Sirius?”
“Yeah?” He looked down, moving some papers.
“That Malaclaw-”
He interrupted me. “Is in the dorm.”
“And you won’t get it becau-?”
“Okay, I lost it!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.
My jaw fell down. “You lost it?”
“It got lost while we were doing some experiments with it.”
I put my face in my hands, groaning, “No, no, no, no!”
“I’m sorry!” he said. “But James and I have already ordered a new one-”
“Oh, you ordered a new one,” I spat, crossing my arms. “Then all of our problems are solved!”
“No, I just-”
“But we still have a freaking unlucky-claw creature running around through the castle, Sirius! What the hell did you think? Did you even think at all?”
He shrank down in his seat. “It was an accident!” he said in a small voice.
I looked at him for a few seconds. “You better pray to Merlin that the one you’ve ordered will be here soon and that other one will get out of the castle and join the giant squid in the lake! Otherwise we’ll have the creature running around, biting everyone!”
“Yes, mum,” he muttered.
“What was that?” I hissed and narrowed my eyes.
He looked me straight in my eyes. “I called you ‘mum’, okay?”
‘He did not!’
I don’t know why my temper got the better of me, but in the next second I grabbed my books and kicked my chair backwards. Then I walked away.
‘That thoughtless, impertinent little idiot! How dare he?’
“Oi, Lulu! Lulu, wait up!”
I marched without turning. I could hear he had gotten up too now and was running. Git! Next he grabbed me hard around my upper arm and spun me around, also grabbing my other arm. I winced slightly in pain as I had a fresh bruise on that spot. His eyes locked once again with mine. He didn’t seem angry or anything. More like… sorry? He better be!
“I’m sorry, Lulu, okay?” he muttered in a low voice.
I’m sure my eyes were shooting lightning towards him. “Why did you have to call me ‘mum’?” I asked and started to bite the inside of my cheek.
He flashed a careful smile. “Because you’re a little bossy… You know, mum-like?”
“Oh, thanks,” I replied wryly. “That just makes it all better.”
“No, no!” he hurried to say. “Not mum like that… You’re just…” He sighed. “It’s just very obvious that you’re related to James. You’re both such ‘better hope it fixes’-types and… well, you’re a strong girl. You got me sinking in my seat. That’s the first time a girl has ever done that to me!” He laughed slightly. “You can stand up for yourself.”
“So…” I mumbled. “It’s actually kind of a compliment?”
He frowned for about half a second. “You can say that… And I truly am sorry.”
I didn’t say anything. I just looked at him for a good ten seconds. At last he moved uncomfortably and tried to pull a smile. It didn’t succeed as well as usual.
“Oh, come on, Lulu!” he complained and tried the smile again. He was more successful this time.
I smiled, snorting slightly. “You have me convinced.”
“Glad I have.”
Without further hesitation, he put an arm around my shoulder and guided me back to the table. In the other hand, he took my books.
“So now you’re trying to be a gentleman?” I asked, trying catastrophically to raise an eyebrow.
“Just wanted to be nice,” he said with a shrug.
“Oh… Then you’re doing a great job.”
He smiled, sitting down. “You actually should praise me more. That Malaclaw caused James and me to lose nearly twenty galleons.”
“Ahh… So you split it?”
He nodded. “Yea. James had his share of the disappearance too.”
“Why does it not surprise me much?”
“Because James and I are like two branches of the same tree,” he said with a grin.
I showed the white of my eyes. “Whatever.”
He leaned backwards and started to balance his wand on his index finger, a slightly nonchalant expression on his face. I, on the other hand, started to look through the book to see what we could write down without having the Malaclaw there. But we had made it to the point in the assignment where we needed the creature. I stopped, looking up. Sirius was still balancing the wand on his finger. It was all steady at this point, and a sudden urge to ruin it ran through me.
‘Would it be too mean?’
‘No…’
I kicked softly his leg under the table and he dropped his wand and it fell onto the table towards me.
“Hey!” he exclaimed. “Why did you do that? I had held it still for nearly two minutes.”
I grinned. “It just seemed so fun to ruin it.”
He picked up a piece of parchment and threw it at me. I dodged it and then grabbed his wand. With a smirk I pointed both my own and his wand at him.
“Are you throwing things at me, Black?” I asked, raising both my eyebrows.
“Maybe I am,” he hissed, also smirking.
He made a grab towards the wand, but I pulled back quickly. Then I slowly got up. His eyes followed me intently.
“You do realize that you’re defenceless, don’t you?” I said, licking my upper lip. “You’re playing with fire!”
He growled slightly as he got up. “But if I attack you, what are the chances that you have enough time to stun me?”
“Pretty big, I’d say.”
He raised an eyebrow and in one smooth movement he jumped towards his own wand. I pulled it back and ran as quick as I could towards the end of the library. The funny thing about this situation was that even before I ran down there, I kind of knew it wouldn’t do any good. First of all, Sirius was way much more fit than I was and could easily catch up on me. He was also much stronger. If he got hold of me, I would not be able to get away. Second; well, I ran towards the end of the library, not the exit. Third: The simple fact that I can barely walk without falling would have been enough to stop me from running.
He did catch me at the end of the library as I soon as I started to wonder which way to run. He grabbed my arm and tried to stop me. I fell over and landed hard on my other arm, that then got stuck between my stomach and the carpet. I gasped as Sirius landed on top of me, laughing. He rolled off of me in the next second, laughing louder. I rolled onto my side looking at him.
“Why are you laughing?” I asked, rubbing my arm and the new bruise that was just forming.
“Because it was fun,” he said matter-of-factly. “You have a very fun way to run.”
I blushed. “That’s not funny.”
“Is,” he said and poked my side.
I twisted. “Ahh!”
A smirk appeared on his lips. “You’re ticklish!”
My eyes enlarged slightly. I wasn’t just ticklish; I was extremely ticklish. This would be my death, I knew that already. I moved slightly away. “No, you must have been mistaken.”
Sirius grinned widely and moved forward, squeezing hard on my sides. I screamed and twisted even more but he kept a firm grip around me.
“Please stop!” I laughed. “‘Tis not funny!”
“Beg for mercy!” he commanded; I could hear his smirk.
“Won’t, won’t, won’t!” I cried.
“Beg for mercy and it’ll stop!” he laughed. “No! Better say, ‘Sirius is the one and only and no one is better or more good-looking than him!’”
“I’m not saying that!” I laughed, but found that my stomach had started to hurt. “Just please let go.”
“Say it, say it, say it!” he sang triumphantly.
I twisted again, laughing harder, and suddenly found that Sirius had followed me and was now literally lying on top of me. I stopped breathing for a second, even though it was as hard as it was before.
“Just say it,” he said calmly and reduced the tickling to none at all.
I took a deep breath trying to control my breathing. “Sirius is the one and only and no one is better or more good-looking than him.”
“That was truthful,” he mumbled.
I nodded weakly, looking up at him. His whole face was shinning and his eyes were gleaming in such a way that you could only love. I swallowed hard, realizing that I probably looked like a mess after having been rolling around on the floor. He, on the other hand, looked just normal, as he had just been reading quietly in the library instead of running around.
‘…’
I swallowed hard as I understood how close we were. He seemed to think the same thought, since he suddenly pushed himself off of me and rolled onto his back. We both lay looking into the ceiling for a couple of seconds before any of us spoke.
“We probably should pack our stuff and go back to the tower,” I mumbled deeply. “We can’t get any work done anyhow.”
“Yeah,” he said and got up. “Comin’?”
I took the hand he offered me and let him pull me up gently.

We parted in the Common Room. I went to find Miranda who was in the girls’ dorm. With a quick glance towards the object called Lily Evans, we both walked out and sat down in the Common Room instead. As if knowing that we’d be coming, James met me at the bottom of the staircase.
“Louie, can I borrow that book of yours?” he asked.
I frowned. “Err? My book? Which one?”
“That one you got from Uncle Andrew for Christmas last year,” he said matter-of-factly. “Didn’t you bring it?”
“Um, yeah…”
‘But what are you going to do with ‘Magical Ways and Ways to Use Them’?’
James looked at me. “Could… Could you go get it?”
“Err, sure.”
I turned around and quickly ran up the stairs to the girls’ dorm. I found the book under my bed and went back in a matter of seconds. James stood ready, hands outstretched and smiling. I reached forward to hand him the book but stopped right before his hands could get it.
“But first,” I said, “tell me what you’re going to use one of my favorite books for!”
“Honestly, Louie,” he sighed. “What do you think?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Not pranks, for Merlin’s sake, James!”
“You said that, not me.”
“Fine,” I said with a sigh. “Here.” I threw the book.
He caught it easily. “Thanks a million, Louie,” he said and kissed my forehead before running off again.
I exchanged glances with Miranda before we sat down next to the fire. She looked at me.
“So, what did Damien say?”
I shrugged, looking away. “Nothing really.”
She sighed. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” I said with a nod. “He’s having fun, I guess. And…” I shook my head.
“He’s busy, isn’t he?” she asked.
“Yes. Barely has time to write to me.”
“It’ll pass. It’s just all so new and exciting for him. Let him have his fun. And you’ll see each other soon, I think.”
“Yeah, on the first Hogsmeade weekend.”
She suddenly jumped up. “Come, Lisa.”
“What?”
“We’re going to have some fun. Let’s break into the Ravenclaw Common Room to find Pan and Kate!”
I smirked, getting up. “But we’ve not been there for months.”
“Eeeeexactly.”

*

As said; feedback = cookies.

- Vicki

Okay, so here’s the next chapter. Thanks to Kat for betaing this. I’m very thankful. Um, and really, I hate asking for this, but it’s not illegal leaving feedback (yes that is an allusion). Please R&R.

7 – Breaking Through
“…Yesterday… Love was such an easy game to play. Now I need a place to hide awa-”
“Miss Potter!”
My head shot up, looking into the angry eyes of Professor Leicester. I swallowed hard, trying to ignore the giggles that spread throughout the classroom.
“Yes, Professor?” I asked carefully, feeling my cheeks turn hot.
“What might you be doing?”
I looked around. Apparently, the classroom had been quiet for some time, while I had hummed slightly loud, actually singing.
“I was, erm, singing,” I answered weakly, “Professor.”
‘Great, Lisa. Consider yourself dead.’
“Ahh,” Professor Leicester answered, an evil smile appeared on his lips. “Miss Potter, please stand up.”
I did as told, terrified. Professor Leicester had scared me from the first day I had this class at school, and somehow I felt he’d just hated me from the very beginning. I wasn’t sure if it was the big black moustache or the bald head or the dark angry blue eyes that frightened me, but as I stood up, I felt my hands trembling slightly.
“Miss Potter, please answer me this,” he said, his hard eyes locked with mine. “What were you singing?”
I swallowed hard. “Yesterday,” I said with a clear voice, breaking away form his gaze and looking at the blackboard instead. “Sung by the Beatles, Sir.”
“The Beatles? Never heard of them.”
“It’s a Muggle band,” I answered, “I’m a fan of them.”
“Aha,” he said, clearly satisfied. “Will you do me the pleasure to sing out loud so we can all hear your oh-so-beautiful voice?”
I heard the sarcasm. But then it struck me. He wanted me to sing. I could not sing. Yes, I liked music and I liked to sing when I was alone, with the music turned up as much as possible.
“I’d… rather…” I paused, breathing, “not.”
My knees had to give away every second by now. I had just told a teacher no. And it was the most scaring teacher on the whole school. It was silence before the storm. The storm was my death.
“You’d rather… not?” he asked, stepping closer to Pandora’s and my table.
“I’d rather not,” I repeated more steadily.
“Please, Miss Potter,” he said low and warningly. “Sing.”
I took a deep breath. If I did not sing, I’d die, I was sure of that. My heart was pounding hard and fast somewhere near my head, and my stomach hurt. I had only one choice actually. Closing my eyes, I opened my mouth to sing.
“Yesterday,” I started. “All my troubles seemed so far away.”
The melody was way too slow and barely over a whisper. I could feel tears of embarrassment burn in the corners of my eyes, but I would not let one single tear slip. Professor Leicester should not have that pleasure.
“Higher Miss Potter!” he exclaimed, a smile appearing on his lips, then repeated in a much lower voice, “Higher!”
Inside of me, a little voice that slightly grew louder, screamed, ‘I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!’
“Now it looks as though they’re here to stay,” I sang, my voice growing in strength; I’d show him, no one messed with Louisa Potter. “Oh, I believe in yesterday. Suddenly…”
“I’m not half the man I used to be!” someone else sang.
My heart skipped a beat. Who? My gaze let go of the blackboard and turned to the person who had joined me. Sirius had pushed his chair away and now stood facing Professor Leicester, a glint of mischief in his eyes and a bit of a smirk upon his lips.
“There’s a shadow hanging over me,” I sang, my voice both more powerful and stronger now. “Oh, yesterday came suddenly.”
Sirius caught my gaze and winked. “Why she had to go I don’t know, she wouldn’t say.”
I smiled, ignoring the chills his voice sent down my spine. “I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday!”
“Yesterday,” Sirius began again.
“ENOUGH!” Professor Leicester yelled. “Mr. Black, Miss Potter, detention for unnecessary and childish interruptions of my class and twenty points from Gryffindor! You may sit down.”
I did as told, feeling the blood rushing through my head, making me feel like I was floating. Most of the class was whispering, but I only faintly heard it. As I picked up my quill, I could barely hold it in place to take notes from the blackboard. It had given me such a huge kick of adrenalin.
When Pandora had been shaking me for half a minute, I became aware of it and looked at her.
“That was bloody amazing!” she whispered excited. “I didn’t know you could sing so well!”
“I didn’t sing well,” I mumbled.
“No, you sang brilliantly! Why haven’t you showed us your talent before?”
“Because I don’t have any!” I snapped, looking towards Sirius who was sniggering soundlessly about something with James.
“And Sirius too!”
I looked at her instead. “There I’ll agree with you! I mean, I’ve heard better singers, but I wasn’t prepared for Sirius to…”
For the rest of the class I sat quiet, hoping Professor Leicester could not find any more ways of humiliating me. Luckily for me, he didn’t succeed. I was the first to leave from class when the bell rang, Pandora, Kate and Miranda right behind me. The last two hadn’t had time yet to congratulate me on my detention.
“Oh, WOW!” Kate exclaimed. “I had no idea you were such a great singer!”
“I do not sing well!” I said. “I can’t sing.”
“Liar!” Miranda sang. “Lisa, I’ve heard you a thousand times in the bathroom. You’re the best singer I’ve ever heard.” She stopped. “Alas, I forgot my book for next class. Meet you at Transfiguration.”
“You just say all that so I won’t feel bad for singing on front of a classroom filled with students,” I mumbled to Kate and Pandora.
“Filled and filled,” Kate grinned. “Only seven year Gryffindors and Ravenclaws. Pretty amazing anyhow.”
“Wow!”
This time it wasn’t a girl. Then I felt an arm around my shoulder. It was Sirius and he was grinning widely at me.
“That was unbelievable!” he said. “You’re a great singer, Lulu.”
‘Why does everyone keep saying that?’
“Am not,” I said.
I pushed his arm away, not wanting to hurt Miranda’ feelings which could easily be done with a simple gesture like letting his arm stay, but I remembered soon that she was gone.
“Are too,” he smirked. “And congrats on the detention. It’ll be fun.”
“Oh yeah, I hope to slash my other eyebrow,” I replied.
He stopped and made me stop too, looking closely at my left eyebrow. “It looks fine. You can’t even see that you got hit by a trophy.”
“Oh joy!” I said wryly and started to walk. “Let’s go for the other then!”
He stayed on his place. “Say what you want, Lulu,” he called. “You had a great time and also will next time!”
I ignored him and ran up to the side of Kate and Pandora.
“You do know that Miranda will not approve?” Kate said; it came out more as a statement than a question.
I frowned bewildered. “Miranda? Approve? What are we talking about?”
“You flirted with Sirius!” she hissed.
‘Wha?…’ I stopped. “What? No, Kate, I did not… I-”
Kate opened her mouth to say something, but Pandora came first. “Really, Kate. Aren’t you a bit overreacting?”
“Did you… I wasn’t flirting with Sirius!” I sputtered. “Why would I do that?”
Kate eyed me for a short second. “It just looked like it from where we stood.”
“Oh Merlin,” I groaned. “Honestly. I have a boyfriend who I’m happy with, and I’d never-! You know I wouldn’t even think of doing that to Miranda!”
“You’re being ridiculous, Kate,” Pandora sighed.
I thanked Pandora in my mind. She was the most indulgent of us all and always seemed to see the good in people though, no matter how bad they felt about it. She was a peacemaker.
Kate sighed. “Sorry, Lisa. It’s just…”
“‘Tis okay,” I said quickly. “I guess it could look like something, but you have to understand that Sirius and I are just friends.”
“I do,” Pandora said at once. “Sirius is not your style at all!”
Kate kept quiet.

*

“Twenty-nine!”
Miranda looked up at me. “Twenty-nine what?”
“Bertie Bott’s Beans I caught with my mouth in a row,” I said, and threw a yellow one up and caught it as it fell into my mouth. “Bwda! Thirty!”
I threw another one up and caught it again.
Miranda frowned at me. “What’s your record?”
“One hundred and seventy-four,” I grumbled, suppressing the urge to throw up.
“Ever?”
I nodded. “I did it this summer the day after you and Damien went to France.”
“You’re very sad, did you know that?” Miranda asked with a raised eyebrow; I’m sure she knew that it irritated me since I couldn’t do it yet.
“I think it’s kinda cute!” I had just thrown a pink one up but a hand caught it before it made it into my mouth.
“Hey!” I exclaimed and sat up straight. “That was strawberry!”
James grinned at me and put the bean into his mouth. “Mmm! Strawberry!”
“Do you honestly want to die?” I hissed, getting up.
“Relax,” Sirius grinned and stepped up next to James. “If you really want to kill him then at least do it somewhere else with less witnesses.”
I suppressed a smile. “Have an idea?” I asked him.
He laughed. “I don’t want to get muddled into your bloodbaths. But let me hear the details afterwards.”
I threw a bean at James. “Idiot. I don’t go stealing your things.”
“Maybe you’re an angel compared to me, but you’re not that good,” he said and turned around.
“Ts,” I uttered and threw another bean.
I caught it easily. Unluckily, it tasted like grass.
We sat like this for some time. I was throwing beans while Miranda wrote letters to send home to her parents. When it was really late and people started to go to bed, Miranda got up too.
“Aren’t you coming to bed now?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Nope. I’m on one hundred and sixty-three.”
“I’ll see you in a few minutes then,” she said and grabbed her letter.
“Sure,” I said and caught another bean.
Ten beans later I sat in the couch still, looking at the white bean in my hand. If I caught this one, I’d beat the record. I could do it. I really, really could. Slowly, I leaned slightly back and threw the bean.
“’Sup, Lulu?”
The bean hit my forehead and then fell to the floor.
“NOO!”
I leaned over the edge of the couch, looking at the lonely bean on the floor. It laid there, white on the red carpet, all alone. Never going to beat a record.
‘So unfair.’
“What exactly are we looking at?”
I screamed. How Sirius had gotten that close to me was a mystery, but he had nearly given me a heart attack as he’d spoken just on my ear. I spun around, finding Sirius leaned over, looking at the floor. He quickly caught my gaze. I was sure he could see the fright in my eyes. Fright mixed with a sudden explosion of awkwardness. He was way too close, and my scream and sudden movement had accidentally made him come closer, his body pressed softly against mine.
“A bean,” I said almost soundlessly.
“Oh,” he said.
Suddenly he seemed to realize how we lay and he cleared his throat loudly, pushing himself up to a sitting position. I was relieved and sat up myself, as far away from him as possible.
“So why did you shout before?” he asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
“Err,” I said, then realised what he’d ruined and nearly jumped on him to strangle him. “You ruined my bean-record!”
He raised an eyebrow. “Were you still doing that?”
“Yes!” I said through clenched teeth. “And hadn’t you interrupted me, I’d have beaten it!”
“Oh… Um. Pink Paper Parade Passes the Puking Pole?”
I shook my head, our eyes locked. “You can’t use it now.”
He smiled slightly. “Okay then. Um, sorry then?”
He gave me that charming smile of his. Of course it helped and I didn’t get mad at him. Instead, I picked up my nearly empty box of beans, sighing. One and a half hours of work, all ruined.
“Did it mean that much to you?” he asked, anxious.
I pulled a smile, snorting slightly. “Not really. It’s just been a habit of mine when I’m bored.”
“I’m sorry again…”
“It’s okay.” I looked at him. “So why did you really come and ruin my record?”
“That’s right,” he mumbled. “I ran into Professor Leicester. Our detention is tomorrow at seven. His office.”
“Okay,” I muttered, suppressing a shudder at the thought of going into his office. “I’m so happy.”
“Should we go there together?” he asked. “Since you don’t seem so thrilled about him…”
I nodded. “Sure.”
We sat some seconds in silence. I poked around inside the little box, trying to find a bean I wanted to eat without trying to break a record.
“Here,” I mumbled at last, giving him the box. “You can have it. They’re no fun anymore and I’m hitting the sheets.”
He grinned and took the box, emptying it in one draw. “Night, Lulu.”
“You dropped one.” I pointed at a brown-green bean on the floor and turned to go to bed.

*

My second detention this year. New record. I was becoming like my brother and Sirius. Though their record was fifteen detentions on fourteen days once at the end of fourth year. How they’d managed it, I had no idea, but they did and even caught up with homework. At least the homework they wanted to do.
Even though I could feel Sirius right beside me, it didn’t help me much with the gaze Professor Leicester sent me. It was hard, full of hate. I suppressed a shudder. Only Sirius seemed to notice as he softly let his hand run comfortingly over my back. It did help.
“So,” Professor Leicester said, eyes only on me, “it seems as if you are having great time entertaining the class.”
I knew it was coming before it happened. Sirius couldn’t just keep his mouth shut, even though how much I wished for him to do so. I closed my eyes as he spoke.
“With all due respect, Professor, you asked Louisa to sing. She did not ask for it.”
I opened my eyes abruptly; it wasn’t exactly what I had expected to hear. Professor Leicester’s eyes were on Sirius now. It seemed as if a staring contest was going on between them. Professor Leicester was the first one to blink, Sirius had won.
‘Ha!’
“Louisa does not deserve this detention. Only I do,” Sirius said. “I was the one to interrupt your class.”
I looked at him, frightened. Did he seriously want to die?
“Miss Potter interrupted the class in the first place with her humming,” Professor Leicester said smoothly. “Please don’t ever oppose to my decisions again, Mr. Black.”
I looked up at Sirius; his eyes were sending lightning bolts towards Professor Leicester. Why he had defended me like that, was beyond me, and I was grateful, but somehow, when I looked back at Professor Leicester, I found that his words only had made it all worse.
“I will need to see you for another detention tomorrow evening, Mr. Black.”
Sirius did not blink but his gaze towards the professor was hard. “Yes, Sir.”
I could feel his loathing towards the Professor, and tried, like he had tried with me, running a hand over his back to comfort him. Surprisingly, it seemed to help; Sirius relaxed slightly.
“Now that we have come to an agreement,” Professor Leicester spoke. “Professor Slughorn has asked me to get the dungeon cleaned. I believe you volunteered.”
Again, I could feel like Sirius wanted to shoot some quick remark back, that’s why I pinched him in the back. He winced slightly, but kept his mouth shut.
“Good. Please follow me.”
Professor Leicester walked out of his office and Sirius and I followed soundlessly. We were placed in the cold dungeon where we had Potions and sat to work straight away. In the first five minutes or so, we worked in silence. I didn’t feel like breaking it, so of course Sirius was the first one to speak.
“Thanks for holding me back.”
I looked up. “Holding you back?”
“Yeah,” he said with a shrug. “Stopped me from saying something. I bet I’d have earned a whole week-long detention.”
“Probably,” I sighed,
We worked a little in silence. I found that I had to pay all my attention to the work as it was really hard, but somehow Sirius just had to speak the entire time.
“Why did you even have to sing in class?” he asked. Surprisingly, his voice did not sound irritated or as if he was mad at me. More of a normal question, as if we were talking about he weather.
I shrugged. “I… I was bored. And when I’m bored I sing, because I like to sing. But if there’s a chance people can hear me, I do the beans thing. ”
He jumped down from the table he stood on and sat down on the floor next to me. “Sing something.”
“I don’t think so,” I muttered, feeling my cheeks warm up. “I can’t sing.”
“That’s a lie, Lulu. I heard you yesterday. You have a very beautiful voice.”
Blushing even more, I mumbled something about having lost it.
“Another lie,” he grinned. “Why won’t you?” He was studying me closely.
“You’ll just laugh,” I said in an extremely low voice.
He snorted. “Do you honestly think I would ever laugh at you?”
“Do you really want me to answer that?”
“Come on,” he said silently. “ I haven’t laughed at you for years. And I’m sorry for being a pig towards you when we were younger.”
‘That was sweet.’
I think it was the way he said it that made me look up, actually wondering it for a second. “No,” I said, shaking my head.
“Okay,” he said with a sigh. “It’s just… You have the most amazing voice I’ve ever heard.” His words made me sigh heavily, biting my lower lip. “I’d like to hear Amazing Grace.”
My head shot up at him. He knew he had won, but what was up with the song? It was not a song I had thought Sirius would ever wish to hear.
“Why?” I asked.
“Just sing,” he muttered. “Then I’ll explain.”
“I-”
“Just do it. First, second and last verse only.”
Yes, he had won. I cleared my throat. Was he serious? He seemed so. Slowly I started humming slightly. Then I started with the first verse.
“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now I see.”
I took a break, looking at Sirius. He had closed his eyes, leaning against the wall. I was surprised to see the hair on his arms stand up. I smiled slightly as I took a deep breath, turning back to the wall.
“’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.”
Taking another look at him I found him looking upwards, his eyes shinning slightly from tears. I slowly reached for his hand.
“Last verse. Please Lulu?” he said as he welcomed it.
I sighed. When he asked for it… I could just ask for an explanation afterwards. I cleared my throat.
“The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbid to shine
But God, who called me here below
Will be forever mine.”
One single tear fell from his eye. Very slowly, I reached and dried his cheek from the tear with my index and middle finger. He still looked upwards. He let go of my hand, rubbing his face in his own hands.
“Have I ever told you why I stayed the whole summer at your place?” he asked.
I frowned. “No. You haven’t.”
“You remember that I arrived in the middle of the summer last year?” he asked, and I nodded, no idea where he was heading. “Well… It was… Because I ran away from home.”
I gasped. No one had told me. I just thought he’d come to stay because he hated his home which I’d heard from James. But never had I thought he’d run away.
“Sirius-”
He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. Only the Marauders and your parents know. I’d like it to stay that way… Well the story… I had a rather big row with my parents, which included both wands and hands.”
At this point I clasped my hands over my mouth in an attempt not to gasp or scream. Was I hearing what I thought I was? Even though I did not say anything, it seemed to me it was some kind of personal battle that he had had to fight. To tell it had to be just as hard as experiencing it one more time.
Sirius swallowed. “So I decided to go to the place where I had always felt was more of a home than Grimmauld Place. Godric’s Hollow. James greeted me; I believe you were out with some of the girls. But I had barely said ‘hey’ before everything went black…” He stopped, taking a deep breath, calming down.
“I woke up hours later in the bed I always slept in when visiting James. I could barely move because I was extremely weak and some places in my body were covered in bandages. James sat beside me, his face in his hands. In the room, this soft and so beautiful song was playing. First I actually though I was dead, in Heaven perhaps. But then James looked up at me, his face breaking into a smile. ‘Welcome Padfoot,’ he simply said. In my ears it sounded more like ‘welcome home Padfoot’ and well…”
“The song playing was Amazing Grace,” I said, smiling softly through tears that I only then noticed had appeared in my eyes.
He nodded. “It’s a song I will always remember. It’s Heaven to me and…” he didn’t continue but stopped, staring out in the air.
I understood what he meant.
“Thanks for telling me this, Sirius,” I said softly.
“Thanks for listening… And for the song. You truly have a beautiful voice.”
A smile fought its way to my lips. “I’ll try to listen if people ever say that again.”
He got up slowly. “Well… We better get to work unless we want another detention to clean this up.”

*

Feedback folks!

- Vicki

Hey! So here we are, it’s been over a month. I’m truly sorry, I know I should have had more time now when it’s summer and all, but if you feel I’ve abandoned you, go read my two new one-shots! Link in my sig! Thanks for reading and thanks to Kaitlyn, my beta!

*

8 – It’s Healthy to Cry
The perfect day. Something perfect. Why doesn’t it ever happen to me? There’s a simple reason for that. I had to have as much headwind at sea that I sailed back to my harbor instead of the harbor I was heading towards. I didn’t need this now. Not now, on my first day back at Hogwarts, where I had felt truly happy, where I had not once thought of Damien and his two letters to me. Why now? I shouldn’t have this in my life! I didn’t need more of this!
I put my head in my hands, tears forming in my eyes. “No,” I whispered.
My world had crashed down. Could I ever move on after this? It was all wrong. Everything seemed so wrong and out of place and like it wasn’t going to be the same, ever.
James placed a hand on my shoulder. “Louie…”
He’d always been stronger than me. He’d always been the one to carry me when I couldn’t walk myself. He was the pillar I could lean on when I needed to. He was the one who always picked me up when I lay on the ground. He was my security net. Also now. Of course he would be here now too.
“Come on,” he whispered into my ear.
Dumbledore did not speak anymore. He let us leave without another word. I know why it had been him the one to deliver the message. Mum and dad could not leave Grandma Judy. She could not be left alone. Not at the moment, when Grandpa Harry was… I didn’t finish the thought. I only faintly noticed we were walking down the staircase from the office. My mind was elsewhere. With Grandma Judy. What would become of her now? Grandpa had been the one to take care of her through all those years. But who would do it now? Or would the – I could not think the word – cause her to go even more insane. Weren’t the chances of a worse diagnostic growing now? Would she ever get better?
Then I noticed that I wasn’t walking anymore. James was, though. He carried me while I continued to cry silently. I was sure he was just as sad as I was at the moment, but he had to stay strong. Strong for me. And when we got home; strong for mum and dad.
I was slowly placed in a bed. James’. It was the second time within three weeks, but I did not care. He slowly laid a single cover over me and kissed my forehead.
“Louie, please,” he said softly, his voice close to snapping. “Be strong and get some sleep. We’ll be home again in a day.”

*

Like everyone else, I just wanted the funeral to be over. Friday afternoon seemed way too far away. Yet it was in less than 24 hours. I was being silly, I knew it. But just being home made it all seem so much worse. I spent most of the day in my room, doing nothing but thinking. Mostly of Grandma Judy. Once in a while, James visited, but he never stayed too long. I knew he was afraid of breaking down in front of me. I was glad he did it like that. Because if James started to show weakness, I’d become even weaker.
Someone knocked softly on my door. I dried my eyes and turned away from the window a little too quickly. I lost my balance and fell. I didn’t see who entered, but as the shoes stopped in front of my head, I knew instantly who it was. No one could be as relaxed as to go inside with muddy shoes, but Sirius. He didn’t help me up. Instead, he sat down next to me, leaning against my bed.
“When did you get here?” I asked, and helped myself up; somehow, I was glad he didn’t help me.
“Just now,” he said silently. “I wanted to see how you were, since James didn’t say much. He’s a complete wreck himself.”
That did not help my mood. “Oh,” I simply said.
He looked at me. “So, how are you?”
“I’m fine, actually,” I muttered. “It’s more-”
“No you’re not.” He interrupted me so softly that I could not be mad; not even for the fact that he had just said I lied. “You’re not fine, Lulu.”
“Let me at least have that illusion.”
“No.”
Again, his impertinent and merciless answer did not make me mad. He was right all the way through. It was like talking to James; he saw right through my lie.
“It’s not helping, you know,” he said, dragging me into a warm hug. “Denying it is never going to help you, Lulu. But I’m sure you’ll get through this. You’re stronger than you think.”
“No, I’m not,” I muttered, tears once again beginning to fill my eyes. “So, when are you going to tell me not to cry?”
“I’m not,” he said simply. “Because it’s healthy to cry. The more you cry, the better.”
“Crying is a weakness.”
Suddenly as if being caught by a rush of some impulse he did not know he had, Sirius placed his two warm hands under my jaw and softly forced me to look at him. His normally stormy eyes had settled down into a silent grey ocean and were very full of concern, yet faith laid in them. They flicked between mine, like wanting to see deep into me, knowing every single thing that I thought at the moment. I was sure they succeeded.
“Louisa,” he began; now using my real name, “you have to believe that you’re strong. I know you are. And crying is a clear sign that you’re human and have true feelings living inside of you. And… James can’t see how strong you are because he doesn’t want to. He also needs to be the big brother every once in a while; to take care of you. But when talking to me, there’s no need to pull that act, though. I’m not buying it. James only does it because he doesn’t want it to be the other way around.”
I was breathless; why did his words have to hit me square in the chest? I wasn’t prepared for that attack and my walls were down. Sirius seemed satisfied.
“Now that you are on the same wavelength with your feelings, tell me how you feel,” he demanded in a way that did not sound like a demand at all, but more like a soft request.
“I feel like something the cat left behind,” I said before I could stop the words from flowing. “I don’t know how Grandma Judy will make it through. If she’ll make it through. I miss Grandpa Harry. He was the only sane person in this family and he was…” I sighed, “Everything a granddad should be like.”
Sirius smiled and slowly let go of me. “That’s better. Maybe we should go out to play some games to take your mind off this thing tomorrow. I’m sure we can make James join us.”
“I really don’t feel like breaking something so close to tomorrow,” I muttered.
“No, you’re probably right,” he said and sent me a careful smile.
“Damien couldn’t even be here,” I said, fresh tears forming. “He’s too busy.”
Sirius was about to say something, but apparently he got cold feet and just opened his mouth to breathe in deeply. Then, he dragged me into a tight hug.
“I know you hate to cry,” he mumbled, “but it’s okay.”
I nodded. “I’m not crying because of me…”
“Sure.” I heard the irony.
“Don’t tease,” I said, and shoved his shoulder slightly.
He pushed me away. “You really should start being nicer to people,” he said, then he dragged me back again into his embrace.
“You’re the one bullying me,” I said.
He laughed softly. “Am not.”
I suddenly found myself smiling; it was the first time for days. It felt good. He broke the hug slowly, looking at me.
“Wow. You’re smiling. That’s good to see.”
I dried the tears away, smiling slightly. He slowly got up, sighing.
“Want to come down?”
I nodded faintly. “Yeah, okay.”
He grabbed my hands and pulled me up softly. Not letting go of my hand, he walked out of the door. I just followed. What other choice did I have? He let go of it as soon as we started to walk down the stairs.
Mum, dad and Grandma Judy were sitting at the kitchen table. The air was slightly tense, but my mum smiled as she saw me. Grandma Judy looked up at me with a slightly distant gaze and smile.
“Louisa!” she said. “My, you have grown! It seems like it was just yesterday when you flew around on your dad’s broom, destroying everything on your way.”
I decided just to smile at her. She was obviously confused about the situation. Still smiling, my mum got up. Softly, she placed a hand on Sirius’ back and one on mine, pushing us out of the kitchen. Then she turned us to face her. She wasn’t smiling anymore.
“Listen.” Her voice was very much beside her usual happy one. It was anxious. “Grandma Judy is not… All herself. She keeps asking when Harry will be here. It might just be shock, but if she asks you, just say he’s out shopping for dinner.”
Sirius and I both nodded without making a sound.
“So where’s James?” Sirius asked.
Mum frowned. “I believe he’s in the back, with his broom. I’m not sure if you should go down there.”
I nodded weakly as she turned to walk into the kitchen again. Sirius elbowed me gently and I looked up at him.
“I’m not sure we should not,” he said.
“I agree,” I muttered. “Let’s go.”
We entered the backyard quickly. Behind the trees in the very back, we had a lawn on which the boys played Quidditch during the summer. Now James stood in the middle of it with a bat that beaters used, hitting a Bludger away, but it kept coming back towards him. Every time he hit it, he put even more power in the swing, groaning loudly once in a while. At last, he could barely lift the bat anymore and when he hit the Bludger, it didn’t go far away from him.
When finally James did not even lift the bat, the Bludger whistled towards him, and I had had enough. I jumped forward, tackling him to the ground. Sirius rushed forward right after me, catching the Bludger on his chest with a gasp.
“James?” I asked as I sat up slowly.
His glasses were broken and he didn’t look good. His eyes were red and empty. I almost cried just looking at him. Behind me, Sirius was struggling to get the Bludger into its box again. He succeeded after a few seconds. Then he slumped down next to James and me, blowing some air out.
“So, why are you trying to kill yourself, mate?” he asked, flipping his hair out of his eyes.
“Not trying to kill myself,” James muttered, looking upwards.
Sirius lifted James’ hand. “So that’s why your hand is all soaked in blood from beating a stupid Bludger over and over again?”
James pulled his hand back. “Quidditch practice.”
“Liar,” I said. “James, it’s okay to be sad.”
He looked at me. “No it’s not. I’m the guy. I’m supposed to be the strong one. I’m the one who should comfort you and save you. Not the other way around.”
I placed my hands on my hips. “James, I know you like to play hero, but I won’t let you if you destroy yourself while doing it. Yes, I need you in situations like this, but it doesn’t help me if you beat yourself up during it. Now, if you give me that bat, no one will have to get hurt.”
James didn’t seem to want to let go, so at last, Sirius snatched it from his hand. Then he grabbed James’ upper arm and dragged him up.
“Come on, Prongs. Let’s get you inside.”
Sighing deeply, I followed. If things were going to be like this, it was going to be some hard times we were moving toward.

*

When I thought back while we sat in the Gryffindor Common Room on Sunday evening, I had very little memories from that Friday. I remember sitting next to James most of the time, holding his hand. I remember breaking into the hugest tears the whole day when seeing Grandma Judy at the ceremony. I remember feeling even worse because Damien had not written one single comforting word to me since the letter after I had told him about Grandpa Harry. I remember lying awake for most of the night, not being able to sleep. I remember Flooing back to Hogwarts where Miranda greeted me with one of the warmest hugs I had ever received. Then we went for a walk and met Kate and Pandora. I loved my friends; they were the best I had.
Rubbing my forehead, I turned to the fire. Miranda had long gone to bed. I, on the other hand, wasn’t tired at all. I just sat on the couch, not doing anything in particular. Thinking maybe.
“Hi!”
My head snatched up; that voice was not to be mistaken.
It made me want to get up and go straight to Professor Leicester’s office, to ask him to give me detention. It was the voice of Lily Evans. I looked up at her as she sat down on the couch. I searched my brain for a good excuse to leave, but I was simply empty.
“Hey,” I said at last.
“So, how are you?” she asked.
“Fine,” I muttered, curling up slightly by putting my arms around my legs, pressing them close to my chest.
“Please,” she said. “You don’t need to lie.”
‘No, I need you to leave.’
I didn’t answer though. Instead, I moved my gaze to the fire. The orange flames were slowly dying and the warmth they were giving, too.
“I’m just…” I mumbled. “Trying to believe it, you know?”
She nodded. “So…” She seemed to struggle with her next few words, yet when she spoke, they sounded as if she really cared. “How is James?”
My head shot up. “Since when do you care about James?”
She blushed into a grim pink color that did not suit her cheeks. “He just seemed so distant when we did our round this evening. When I asked him, he merely grunted an answer to me. I got worried.”
“Oh,” I said and moved my gaze to the flames again. “I guess he’s doing a lot worse than I am, but he’s just trying to hide it. He and Grandpa were very close.”
She nodded. “Just… Just remember that if you need to talk about it, and also James, don’t hesitate to ask.”
“I’ll let him know,” I said.
“Fine.” She got up. “Good night, Louisa.”
She had already turned around when I looked up. Had she finally gotten the hint? Had she finally understood that she was not permitted to call me Lisa? I rubbed my face in my hands again. Maybe things were starting to get better now.

*

As we sat down for breakfast the next day, I was extremely happy to see Damien’s owl come with a letter for me. It was exactly what I needed at the time. I grabbed the letter almost before the owl had landed, and tore it open.

‘Love,
I hope you’re alright. I’m truly sorry I was not able to come home for your grandfather’s funeral. Did you get through it? Please, don’t hesitate to ask, if there’s anything I can do for you. I know I’ve been very busy the last few weeks, but I’m saving up to be able to come home for Christmas and when a Hogsmeade trip is upon you. I will be there. I miss you terribly and hope to see you soon.
Love you, Damien.’

Smiling slightly, I lowered the letter. This was one of the best ways anyone could cheer me up at the time. Happily, I grabbed an apple and bit it. Several seconds later, I noticed Miranda was looking at me curiously.
“What was that all about?”
“A letter from Damien,” I said, not able to remove the smile from my face.
“How is he?” Miranda asked. “I barely hear anything from him anymore.”
“He’s fine, but busy. He hopes he can get the time to come home for our next Hogsmeade trip.”
She sent me a smile. “That’s nice. So, are you looking forward to Wednesday?”
I frowned deeply. “Not following…”
“The Dueling Club,” she said, and showed the white of her eyes. “I assume you’re going.”
“They’re starting a Dueling Club? Why have I not heard?”
“It was revealed this weekend. I guess you were home.”
“Oh. Yeah, but I’ll be there,” I said, smiling.
Miranda smiled. “Great! Professor McGonagall and Professor Leicester will lead it. I’m sure we will learn a thing or two about dueling!”
My enthusiasm dropped like a stone. “If Professor Leicester will be there, I won’t,” I said simply.
“What? Oh, come on, Lisa!” Miranda complained. “He can’t torture you when McGonagall is there too.”
“I think he can. I’m not going!”
“Then who am I supposed to go with?”
“Kate? Pan?” I suggested. “There’re a thousand people you can go with.”
She leaned back in her chair, sulking. “Fine. I will then.”
I sighed. “Ranner, it’s not like I don’t want to go with you. It’s Leicester! He scares the living daylight out of me.”
“Fine,” she said with a sigh, and showed the white of her eyes. “But I still think you’re a chicken!”
I nodded. “I know. And I like being a chicken.”
She smiled, looking down at the table. “Who do you think might be coming?”
“Everyone,” I said. “Everyone but me.”
“Wednesday night is only for sixth and seventh years. So I guess you can hang out with Sabina Young and her crew.”
I pulled a face. “Oh, joy.”
“Or you could go with me,” Miranda said, eyeing me hopefully.
“I’ll take Young. And we’ve got Transfiguration in five minutes,” I said, avoiding the subject to go any further. “Let’s go.”
As we arrived to Transfiguration, I sat down in the farthest back, not really in the mood to get in McGonagall’s way today. While the class slowly filled up, I found out that the Dueling Club was a very popular thing, and everyone had planned to go. I almost decided to go, just because I didn’t want to be alone. But really, Professor Leicester would probably pair me up with some heavy and mean Slytherin who’d pulverize me with one spell. That would be his laugh of the day. No, it was not wise to show my face down there.
As the class started, I quickly looked at James. I had not seen him since last night when we got back. He looked almost normal. Chatting to Sirius, smiling. But his eyes were not at all the same, a bit darker than usual. He was much better at hiding that he was having a hard time. I looked like a mess compared to him. I hadn’t even bothered to comb my hair much that morning. Less than that, to put on the little makeup I usually wore.
I sighed, looking up at Professor McGonagall.
‘Attention, attention,’ I thought, blinking hard. There was nothing I’d rather do right now than just lie down and sleep, forgetting all about everything.

*

Feedback is always making me smile, so please leave some!

- Vicki

Hi everyone. Sorry for the wait. Busy summer, and unfortunately it doesn’t get better, but I’ll try to keep it on an update a month. At least. Okay, so this chapter is long waited I think… I’ve decided to dedicate it to Jessica who’d never let this go for just one second, and without who this chapter wouldn’t have turned out the way it did. Thanks! And another thanks to my amazing beta Anita who as always helps me out with chapter titles which I suck at coming up with

*

9 – Almost
“We got it, we got it, we got it!”
I looked up at the sound of Sirius’ loud voice in the library. Madam Pince shushed him as he ran towards me with a big box in his hands. He stopped next to me, a little out of breath.
“So, what did you get?”
“Can’t you guess?” he asked and placed the box at the table. “It’s the Malaclaw.”
“It’s called a Mackled Malaclaw,” I grinned, imitating his usual comment.
“That’s my line!” he laughed.
I shrugged. “I know. So, let me see it!”
He slowly reached and opened the box. I got up and looked down into it. The creature down there looked like a Mackled Malaclaw, but it didn’t look at all like the other one. I frowned and slanted my head slightly.
“It looks different,” I muttered. Without realizing it, I had reached down towards the creature.
Sirius grabbed my hand. “Lulu…”
I looked up. “Yeah?”
“Haven’t I told you before?” He placed his hand on my shoulder and dragged me closer to him. “We can’t have you going around and killing yourself.”
Mutely, I shrugged and his hand slipped up to my neck. When his warm hand was placed softly on my neck, I glanced furtively at him. And then, as a reaction to my subconscious, I shuddered and nearly jumped away from him. Our eyes locked and my mind drifted away.

~*’‘*~

I, Louisa Potter, a low and choppy twelve year-old girl, was silently walking down the corridor. I’d promised Miranda to meet her at the Common Room after I’d gotten the books that we needed for our Charms’ essay from the library.
“Oi, Louisa!”
I stopped dead, eyes widening. That voice could only mean trouble when I was here alone. I took a deep breath, calming down and preparing to not cry. I wouldn’t cry. Not this time, he should not have that pleasure. Neither of them should. I turned and looked at him. Surprisingly, he was alone.
“Go away, James. I’m busy.”
My brother smirked. “But I just want a word with you.”
“I don’t want a word with you,” I shot, then turned and walked away again. “As I said, I’m busy.”
“Okay.”
His tone made me stop and turn back. “What are you up to?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Nothing. But in a few minutes, when you find out that you should have been listening to me, don’t come to me for help.”
I bit my lower lip. “I don’t need your help.”
“As you wish.”
I slowly turned, fear rising in my chest. What was he up to? And more importantly, where was the other one? I turned a corner, and in that very second a large purple object went flying through the air. I didn’t react quickly enough and the vase collided with my head and shattered. My cheek started to bleed.
“Ohhhh!” the boy shooting it yelled. “Score!”
I spun around. “What the hell do you think you’re playi-?” I spat, but before I could continue, another vase flew through the air, almost colliding with my head.
I ducked and ran as more and more vases came my way. I knew by that time that this was what James had been talking about. He and that pathetic excuse of a friend, Sirius Black, had planned something. I rounded a corner and a bucket of water was emptied over my head. At this point I was too busy fleeing to even think of crying. My tears had not yet been released.
That’s when I ran up a flight of stairs, into a cloud of white and brown feathers, and I found out it wasn’t only water on me, it was something which held the feathers stuck to my skin and clothes. I looked behind me quickly and found the vases were still following me. At the top of the staircase, I turned right, running straight into a suit of armor, placed right at the corner. I collided hardly with it and tumbled backwards. Then I heard shatters and a sharp rain poured over me, the little splinters digging shortly and sharply into my skin. I yelped in pain and then twisted in the air, seeing then that bad things had only started.
I tumbled, with my head first, down the stairs, feeling a splinter from the vases digging deep into my skin just at the end of my neck. I screamed in pain. Then I lost consciousness.

I woke up again minutes later, screaming. Something hurt. Something hurt badly. And I couldn’t breathe steadily.
“Louisa?”
James was speaking to me. I looked up at him through a blur of black and red spots. Then I noticed something. He was crying. Tears were falling freely from his eyes, rolling down his cheeks and then falling onto me. That’s when I noticed the sharp pain again. I screamed, but stopped halfway, it hurt even more when I did that. Then I saw Sirius. He looked just as bad as James, though he wasn’t crying. He looked concerned and had a look of regret on his face.
“Louisa, please lie still,” James choked. His hands were on my neck, just next to the pain. “Sirius,” he said desperately, “please go get Madam Pomfrey.”
Sirius got up and ran away without another word. I looked up at James.
“What’s happening?” I whispered. I had tried to speak out loud, but my voice was gone.
He shook his head. “Just lie still,” he whispered. Then he looked away. “We had no idea. If we ever knew… You’ll be just fine, Louisa, I promise you.”
“James, what’s…?” My voice failed me once more.
He closed his eyes, tears still running freely. “I’d no idea.”
My vision blurred even more as I blinked. What was going on? I tried to swallow, but it hurt too much. I closed my eyes.
“James… Don’t…”
He suddenly slapped my cheek softly and I gasped in pain. “Don’t die, Louisa...” He replied in such a solemn way.
His words scared me. Die? Certainly I wouldn’t die. I was just fine. I just needed a pair of glasses, just like James and dad. I closed my eyes again.
“No,” he choked helplessly. “Louisa, breathe... Louisa, stay with me...”
I felt his lips on my forehead, just as I heard voices from far, far away and then everything went black again.

I felt like a huge mass of water was pressing me down. Making breathing hard and energy-consuming. I fought to get up, but something fought against me. Was I dead? I didn’t want to die, so I fought harder. I tried to move my arms to get me up, but I couldn’t; yet I felt myself approach the surface. With a last explosion of energy, I broke into the surface with my head, silently gasping for air. I opened my eyes.
It was dark. First I thought I actually had died, but when I felt the pain in my throat, on my shoulders, neck, legs, and head, I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t dead. Death would be painless. I turned my head a bit, but stopped because it hurt and a silent sob escaped my mouth. I looked around. I recognized the room I was placed in as the Hospital Wing. I knew the ceiling way too well. I shifted my arms a little. That’s when I found someone holding my hand. I lifted my hand a little. It was a hand the size of mine, though a little bigger. It felt familiar.
As if having heard my thoughts, James sat up at once. He looked at me. “Louisa,” he breathed.
I blinked. “Am…” It hurt to talk. It took great power to continue. “Am I… Dead?” I whispered hoarsely. I just wanted to be sure.
He shook his head, “No, I wouldn’t be going to Heaven.”
“Why?” I asked.
Tears welled up in his eyes. I frowned.
“You sure I’m not dead?”
He blinked away the tears. “Nearly,” he said. “You’ll be fine.”
“What happened?”
He shook his head. “Long story. The point is that you’re alive.”
The next second, the moon lit up his face and I noticed a bruise right beneath his eye. I lifted my hand slowly and stroke it. “What happened… To you?”
A real smile appeared. “Mum’s temper seemed to get the better of her. She was worried out of her mind until Madam Pomfrey told us you were going to be okay. We nearly lost you, you know.”
“Where are they now?”
“Urgent owl from Ministry. They’ll be back in a few hours I think. Louisa, how are you? Does it hurt?”
“Don’t worry.”
“Merlin, Louisa,” he muttered and closed his eyes, fresh tears in them. “We thought we had killed you.”
A thought hit my mind. “Where is… Sirius?”
James bit his lower lip. “Um… His parent’s were really mad when Dumbledore told them, and he’s been taken out from school for the next week.”
“Shame.”
“I’m really, really sorry, Louisa. We never intended it to go so far!” He kissed my hand as the tears fell from his eyes.
I shook my head slightly. “It’s okay.”
“Merlin, I always knew you were unlucky, but not that you needed special care. You need a better brother. One who can take decent care of you. I’m not that brother.”
I squeezed his hand. “I don’t want… Another one.”
He smiled through the tears. “I love you, Louie… You’re the best sister ever!”
“I love you too, James.”

~*’‘*~

I trembled, my gaze focusing on Sirius’ face, which was in front of me, only inches away. He looked at me, concerned.
“Louisa?”
I nodded, I was speechless, my eyes wide at the memory of the pain.
His eyes flashed from my eyes to my trembling hands and back again, “Louisa, what’s wrong? You’re all pale and shaking.”
I shook my head. “It’s okay, Sirius.”
“Don’t say it’s okay!” he said. He seemed angry. “I can see something’s wrong!”
I pushed his arms away. “I’m fine!” I turned away from him, but he grabbed my hand.
“Louisa, stop lying and tell me what’s the matter with you!” He held my shoulders firmly with his hands. He took a deep breath. “Why won’t you tell me?”
I looked away. Then slowly, I raised my hand to my neck and bared it just enough for him to see. With a frown, he raised his hand and softly let a finger slide along the scar. I suppressed a tremble, biting my lower lip and closing my eyes.
“Louisa, what happened to you?” he asked, shocked, but I didn’t answer. “Who did this to you?” When I didn’t answer, he took a firm hold of my jaw and forced me to look at him, “Please.”
I bit my lower lip. I couldn’t tell him. It’d hurt him to hear. Not even James knew I had this scar. How could I tell him without sounding as if I blamed him? His fingers were once again caressing my neck.
“Please?”
I shook my head, looking away. Then I took a deep unsteady breath, “You did,” I whispered.
He inhaled sharply. “What?”
Tears were forming in my eyes. “That time… That time with the vases… Second year… You were sent home for a week…”
I heard him snap his teeth together. “I did this?” I could hear the shame and regret in his voice. “I did this?” he repeated.
I looked up, “Don’t… Don’t blame yourself.”
His eyes fixed on the scar again. “James said you were close, but I didn’t know… Merlin...”
I slowly reached up and stroke his cheek with the tips of my fingers. “Don’t blame yourself.”
“But look what I did,” he muttered.
Before I could answer he had suddenly bent down to my neck and placed his lips at the exact spot where I knew the scar was. I tensed for a short second, but as he took hold of me and dragged me into a hug, I relaxed, closing my eyes. His lips moved up a few centimeters, where he placed another kiss.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I never knew.”
I pushed him away. “Please don’t blame yourself anymore, Sirius,” I said. “Please. I forgave you long time ago.”
The regret in his eyes was easy to read. He kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry, Louisa. I truly am.”
I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it.”
“But-”
I placed a hand over his mouth and the other on his cheek. “If you say ‘sorry’ one more time, I’ll hex you into oblivion, okay?” He nodded under my hands. “Good. Instead, you can explain me why your parents took you a week out of school for a simple prank.”
His eyes darkened and he looked away, though he didn’t move his head from under my hands. I slowly let go.
“Sirius…”
He took a deep breath. “It was the embarrassment,” he said, looking back at me, “the embarrassment not only for such a prank, but for doing such a cruel prank on another Pureblood, even though it was one from the Potter family.” He shook his head. “I’ve never gotten into more trouble.” He looked away. “Or gotten such a bad beating.”
I gasped, the hairs on my arms rising. “Why?”
He laughed without humor. “Do you really have to ask why? I though I had made you see what kind of family I come from. I was lucky for coming back to Hogwarts alive.”
Before he could say anything else, I’d swung both my arms around his torso and hugged him tightly. “I’m sorry.”
He hugged me back. “Don’t be. It’s over now.”
“I actually feel worse for you than for me now.”
“You shouldn’t. I still can’t believe that I actuall-”
Once again, I clasped my hand over his mouth. “One more word about it, Sirius, and I swear to
Merlin I will hex you. I’m over it. You should be too!” Okay, I was only a little over it, I still felt scarred, but I didn’t blame him. Not anymore.
He rolled his eyes and then nodded. I looked at our forgotten Malaclaw and then back at Sirius.
“You know what?” I asked. He shook his head. “Let’s go outside. We need some fresh air, I think.”
He shrugged. “Fine by me.”
He took hold of my hand and turned.
I looked at the box. “What about the Malaclaw?”
“It can take care of itself. Just come.”
I looked back at the books and the box, but it all soon disappeared behind a bookshelf. “Sirius…” I tried half-heartedly.
“Relax, Lulu,” he said simply, not looking at me. “It’s just a few papers and an unlucky creature.”
I sighed. “Fine. So where are we going?”
He shrugged. “No idea. Outside,” he said as we turned a corner and he let go of my wrist.
“Okay.”
A few minutes later, we stepped outside. I was glad to find that it was actually warm. I smiled and looked up at Sirius who was scanning the grounds. I looked too, and couldn’t find anyone.
“Come,” he muttered and we headed towards the lake.
We walked a minute or so in silence, talking was not really necessary. I was busy enjoying the outside and Sirius seemed to have fallen into some sort of quietness next to me, he seemed to be caught in something. Looking up at him, he seemed peaceful, yet with a hint of something else that did not match his handsome face at all.
“What’s on your mind?” I asked, worried.
He sighed deeply. “Nothing really. I’m just… Relaxed.”
I raised both my eyebrows. “You look troubled.”
“It’s nothing,” he said with a grim expression. “I just had kind of a flashback. You see, before I ran away from home… I had a lot of… Dark things in my life. I was almost always troubled. I used to come out here a lot. I feel free here, like nothing can touch me, and everything just seems so much more unproblematic when walking here alone.”
“But,” I muttered, “you’re not alone.”
He grinned. “No. That’s right. You’re here, which is much better.”
A sudden feeling rushed through me and I blushed slightly. “Thanks,” I only managed to say.
We stopped as we made it to the lake. I looked around. He was right. It all seemed so peaceful and relaxing. I took a deep breath, feeling the touch of nature in my lungs; Sirius was right, no one could be troubled out here. And it seemed as if we weren’t the only ones who’d had the idea of going outside to relax after all. A figure under a tree a little far from us caught my eyes. I nudged Sirius softly and nodded towards the person. We looked at each other and walked to him. He did not look up when our shadows were thrown over him.
“Err, James?” I asked.
His eyes shot open. “Oh, hi.” His voice was casual and relaxed.
“Is something wrong?” I asked.
“Evans just threw a fit at me,” he said indifferently and closed his eyes again.
Sirius and I exchanged looks. We looked back at James who lay in the grass, talking about his big crush Lily Evans, who hated his guts, and had just thrown a fit on him, without seeming bothered about it. What was wrong with the world?
“So why do you sound so careless?” Sirius asked.
James sighed. “Don’t know. I just don’t feel like getting depressed over such a small thing as Evans. I’ve got other things on my mind.”
My jaw dropped. Did I just hear what I thought I heard? No, that could not be right. James used to be much affected by his fights with Lily. Yes, he’d usually pull off a poker face when other people were around to not lose his reputation, but when he was alone, he’d be sad and depressed. Being indifferent wasn’t what James used to be.
“Prongs, are you all right?” Sirius asked with a big frown on his face.
James sat up and opened his eyes. “Yeah. I’m actually great. I’ve never felt like this before. It’s like… A… A revelation,” he said at last. “Yes, that’s what it is. A revelation.”
Exchanging worried glances with Sirius, I sat down in the grass. “James what did you smoke?” I asked straightforwardly.
He flashed a smile. “Nothing! So what are you doing out here?”
The sudden change of topic didn’t seem to bother him, so Sirius and I just shrugged. I got up and James followed.
“Nothing really,” Sirius said. “We just didn’t feel like being stuck in the library doing that stupid report.”
“Ahh.”

Later that very same day, I sat curled up in a couch in the Common Room, reading a magazine. Miranda went to meet Kate and Pandora at the library, but I had somehow felt like not going. It was a quiet evening there, which I was glad for. I had a slight headache, but nothing to worry about.
As I turned a page, I suddenly noticed a figure in the couch next to me. I gave a little jump at the surprise James had given me
“James,” I said, acknowledging him and looked down again.
“Louisa,” he said.
I looked up, frowning. He only rarely used my full name; something serious had to come. And right I was.
“I was actually hoping to exchange a few words with you,” he said.
I let go of the magazine. “Sure, James. What’s up?”
He cleared his throat. “Don’t take this as an insult or anything. I just want to know.”
Now I got worried. What was up with him? Why was he acting so strange?
“You see,” he muttered, “I’ve noticed that you and Sirius have been awfully close lately… And I just want to…” He cleared his throat once more. “Not that I really believe you would ever… But… I just want to know if… If something’s going on between you two.”
I raised both my eyebrows, as I had still not succeeded in raising just one. “James…” I simply said. “Do you honestly believe in that yourself?”
He looked at me. It was clear that he was slightly uncomfortable with talking to me about this. He cleared his throat loudly.
“No, I don’t,” he said at last. “But… You just seem so close.”
“It’s because we’re friends,” I said smiling slightly.
“Okay it’s just because… Well…”
“It would bother you if your sister was dating your best friend,” I sighed. “It’s okay James. I don’t want you to date Miranda either.”
He flashed a grin. “Neither do I. I’m all Lily.”
‘No, really?’
“Would never have guessed,” I said with a grin.
“But that err… That was actually all,” he said slowly.
I nodded. “Great…”

*

Feedback, please.

- Vicki

And I haven't really anything to say... Grr.

*

10 – The Ultimate Marauder
“And you are sure you don’t want to come?” Miranda asked one last time as she and the rest of the girls were on their way down to the Great Hall where the Dueling Club would have its first meeting.
“Positive,” I said, nodding.
She sighed. “Lisa,-”
“Not going!” I sang before she could finish.
“Fine,” she grumbled before she walked out of the dorm right after Lily, Sue and Mary.
Smiling, I leaned back on my bed, hands behind my head. Now I could truly relax. One and a half hours with no Lily. No, one and a half hours with no one at all. Lily being gone was just a bonus. Life was good.
I sat up again. I had just been given the gift of one and a half hours with complete silence with no interruptions as a gift. What could I possibly use that for? It struck me at once. When trying to read I always got interrupted. It was time to read.
Leaning over the edge of my bed, I looked under it for one of my favorite books: ‘Magical Ways and Ways to Use Them.’ But it wasn’t there. Strange. I always lay by books under my bed (along with a lot of other kinds of junk, but that’s a different matter). Where could it be?
While getting up, I remembered that I had lent it to James some time ago. Urgh. That meant I had to leave the dorm. But I was determined to use the peaceful time I had, so I hurried out. The Common Room was filled with students, but not noticing them, I quickly marched across it and ran up the stairs.
The boys’ dorm was messy as always. The only bed made was Remus’ and the messiest one was James’. Shaking my head, I walked over to it. First I looked through the pile of clothes and other trash. It wasn’t there though. It wasn’t at his nightstand either. Then I looked under the bed.
‘Of course.’
Maybe it was something with the Potters that made them put their things under the bed. I pushed myself deeper under it and grabbed the book.
“Lulu?”
My head shot up.
“OUCH!” I groaned.
Sirius’ voice had surprised and I had accidentally hit my head on the underside of James’ bed. He laughed and grabbed me from my foot, pulling me out.
“Why are you up here?” he asked. “And, um, in there?”
I brushed some dirt off my dress and pulled it further down. “James had a book I needed,” I muttered and lifted the book slightly.
Sirius’ eyes fell on the book. “Hey, we used that book!”
“Would it be wise to ask what for?” I smirked.
“No,” he said shortly, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “So tell me why you’re not in the Great Hall, practicing fighting spells?”
“Leicester is down there,” I muttered, finally getting up and sitting on the bed.
He grinned. “Oh. Then it’s no wonder I find you here.”
“What about you?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Just the thought of McGonagall, Leicester and a bunch of Slytherins who are bound to become Death Eaters some day… Not really my piece of cake.”
‘Liar.’
I raised my eyebrows. “So you’re chickening out?”
“That’s really not the right way to put it. You see, I hate Leicester with as much passion as you… And I err… It was rather… All right! Remus stole my wand!” he sighed at last.
“What?!” I exclaimed. “Seriously?”
“Well…” he mumbled. “Not really. It was a Marauders’ Truth or Dare, and this was it. He’s hidden it.”
“Marauders’ Truth or Dare?” I repeated.
‘My brother and his friends are crazy.’
He sat down on his own bed. “It’s a different – wilder – sort of truth or dare. Mostly dare.”
“Tell me,” I said, smiling.
He raised an eyebrow. “It’s really not that interesting…”
“I’ve got time.” I made a gesture with my arms to emphasize it.
“Okay…” he said and cleared his throat. “We started it at the beginning of our fifth year. One of us, let’s say me, to put an example. I give James a dare. It can be anything. Anything. If James succeeds, it’s his turn to dare someone. If he doesn’t, I choose someone he will have to go over to and tell the person his honest opinion of them. It’s quite fun.”
“Really?” I asked. “It sounds like a mean game.”
Sirius bit his lower lip. “It can be at times, but we try to keep it clean. This was a nice one. Go three days without a wand outside of classes.”
“That could be really dangerous,” I said. “What if you suddenly faced four Slytherins who had no good intentions?”
“Then they would most likely have my back,” he said promptly. “Even though it sounds mean, we know what we’re doing. And it is part of the dare to be unprotected.”
“But what if you get attacked and no one-”
“Shush!” he interrupted. “We know what we are doing. I won’t die. Trust me.”
“Is that so?” I smirked. “What if I was under the Imperius Curse and was about to kill you?”
“But you’re not.”
“How can you know?”
“You’re easy to read. You’re not.”
“But what if I was?” I exclaimed.
He grinned. “Then I’d tackle you before you even raised your wand.”
“It would be impossible if I surprised you.”
“I’d live,” he said matter-of-factly. “Don’t doubt me.”
I rolled my eyes. “So none of you have ever been hurt during this game?”
He raised his eyebrows highly, thinking. “Well, actually, we all have. But not badly. James has been hit a few times by Evans and broken a rib. Peter once broke his arm. Remus sprained his hand. Hmm… Then a thousand embarrassing things have happened as well. We had to shave Remus’ head. That was fun.”
“Oh, I remember that!” I laughed. “January last year! What about you?”
“Only a sliced eyebrow… And a broken toe. I’m the best at completing my dares. I’ve only had to take the truth one time before.”
“What about the others?”
“James two times, Remus four and Peter six.”
“And you keep track of it because…?” I asked.
“Well we have to choose a winner sooner or later,” he said with a shrug. “As it is now, I’m the one. But there’s still nine months left.”
I moved slightly. “So you’re ending this game along with your time at Hogwarts?”
“Exactly!”
“Hmm…” I murmured. “So what’s your wildest dare?”
“Uh, that’s a tough one,” he said and put a finger to his lips. “Well, there was one where James dared me to sleep with a girl within twenty-four hours.”
“He didn’t!” I laughed.
Sirius nodded. “Yea. But as he used the phrase ‘sleep with’, I took the easy way out.”
“The easy way out?”
“Aha. I brought a girl up here. She slept in my bed and I slept next to her. I slept with a girl.”
I shook my head. “You boys are crazy.”
“Not really. We just enjoy life.”
“In a crazy way,” I added.
He shrugged, slowly getting up from his bed. “Say what you want, Potter, but you’d love to be a part of it.”
“Say what you want, Black, but I don’t think so,” I said, mimicking his attitude.
“And probably it wouldn’t be the smartest thing either,” he grinned. “You can’t even do a proper spell without blowing up the classroom.”
“It was one time!” I exclaimed. “One time.”
“But you still can’t do it.”
“It’s hard to pronounce correctly.”
He snorted. “Silencio. It’s really not that hard.”
“Git!”
“Shut up. So you want to go out and do something?”
“Like what? I’m not getting near the Great Hall.”
“I didn’t say we should go there,” he said, raising a brow. “Come.”
It irritated me. ‘Note to self: Learn how raise one freaking eyebrow!’
As he turned his back and started to walk out the dorm, I followed him, trying to raise my left eyebrow. I did not succeed. Instead, I just tilted my head to the right, wanting to get the left eyebrow up higher. I followed him into the Common Room, out through the portrait hole and then we started to walk through the corridors.
“So where exactly are we going?” I asked.
He stuffed his hands into his pockets. “No idea,” he said frankly. “Where do you want to go?”
I let a hand run through my hair. “That’s a hard question. I have no idea either.”
“The kitchen it is,” he said with a smile.
“Kitchen? Why?”
“Because when you’re bored, you eat,” he said as if explaining how to levitate things.
“No,” I argued. “When you’re bored you do something constructive. Something that you can use later. Or do homework.”
“I can use the fact that I eat now, later. Then I only have to get two helpings of cornflakes and two apples in the morning.”
Raising both my eyebrows as high as I could, I looked up at him. “Only two?”
He showed the white of his eyes. “Normally, I eat three of each.”
“Wow. There’s nothing wrong with your appetite, huh.”
“I’m a man. I need the energy, and I’m still growing.”
“If you grow much more, you’ll bang your head against the clouds when walking outside,” I replied.
“Lulu, you do know that the clouds are miles up in the air right?”
“It was a metaphor!” I sighed as we turned a corner. “You know. Another way of saying that you’re really, really tall!”
“I’m not really, really tall. My height is average. You’re just really, really short.”
“Am not. I’m almost five seven!”
“As I said; short.”
“No. Short is when you’re five foot five or four.”
“Okay, Little One.”
“I’m not little!”
He looked down at me. “Look at it this way. James is what? Six feet tall? Six foot two maybe? And you… Well as twins you should be something just a little like each other. He’s several inches taller than you. And you’ve got a bigger butt too. The onl-”
“Are you checking out my butt?” I interrupted.
He blushed. “Well… Not that I… You don’t…” He sighed. “Sorry. It’s sort of a habit of mine. You… I didn’t mean to offend… You’ve got a nice butt, okay?” He said the last bit with a hopeless tone and then sighed.
Then I noticed I had blushed. “You only said what was different about us,” I said embarrassed. “Aren’t we just a little alike?”
“The only things you both have in common are your eyes.”
“James and I do not have the same eyes,” I replied at once.
“Yes, you have,” he said in a bored voice. “Hazel.”
“We do no-”
Without further hesitation, Sirius grabbed my jaw and forced me to look up at him. He studied my eyes for a second before he smirked and let go again.
“As I said; hazel.”
I crossed my arms stubbornly. “I don’t even know why I came with you. It’s not like I’m having fun.”
“Liar,” he grinned. “You’re having the time of your life.”
“Am not.”
He poked me in the side, making me grin slightly. “Are too.”
“Am not.”
“Then why are you smiling?”
I showed the white of my eyes. “Because you tickled me!”
“I poked you in the side.”
“Why do you keep saying the opposite of what I’m saying?” I laughed. “It’s like you want to disagree.”
“Or maybe it’s you who wants to disagree, eh? Think about that.”
Crossing my arms, I stopped. I had only now realized that we’d gone all the way down to the kitchens and Sirius was just now tickling the pear of a painting. It giggled and then transformed into a doorknob. Sirius opened it and bowed for me to enter first.
“Ladies first,” he said with a smirk.
“And idiots last,” I muttered.
“Hey!” he laughed and shoved me softly in the shoulder.
I stumbled forward and fell, probably receiving a future bruise on my left knee. I looked back at him as he closed the door. He sent me an apologetic smile and offered me a hand.
“Sorry. I forgot how easily you fall.”
I growled and grabbed his hand. “So now that we’re here, eat!”
He smirked and looked at the two house elves that had approached us without me noticing.
“Master Black!” one squealed. “It has been a very long time!”
Sirius grinned. “Sure it has, Taray, sure it has.”
“So what can Pimmy bring you today?” asked the other elf.
Sirius looked at me shortly. “We’ll help ourselves. Don’t worry about us.”
Both house elves bowed solemnly and then turned away. I looked around. I had only been in the kitchen once before. James had taken me because he thought I needed a cold steak to put it on a big bruise I had. It was a few years ago, but I remembered it all clearly.
“Come.”
I shook myself back as Sirius grabbed my wrist and dragged me further into the kitchen. Again I nearly stumbled, but Sirius’ grip around my wrist kept me up.
“Where’re we going?” I asked. “We’re already in the kitchen. What more is there to see?”
“Not see. Taste,” he grinned.
I sighed. “As I said. I’m not hungry. I ate just one and a half hours ago.”
“You ate almost nothing,” he muttered.
I stopped. “What?”
He stopped too. Then he turned slowly, sighing. “Louisa you almost didn’t eat at dinner, and since we started school again, you’ve only gotten thinner and thinner.”
“I’ve ju-” I started, but he didn’t let me continue.
“And you’re starting to look really unhealthy. What happened to the pretty girl Louisa who I lived with this whole summer?”
I looked down. I had gotten thinner. I had never really given it a thought since I’d never really cared about my weight. I was just the way I was and didn’t bother to lose weight when I had gained it. But how come it had gone so far this time? I put my arms around my torso. I suddenly felt uncomfortable.
“Louisa?”
I blinked looking up at him. “Errm.” I was lost for words. “I haven’t really thought about it that much…”
He looked down at me, his eyebrows gathered in slight concern. “I understand that you’re having a rough time,” he said, “but you’re not pretty when you’re that small.”
I failed to pull an embarrassed smile, yet my cheeks warmed up. He was right and he knew it. He turned and once again walked with me right behind him.
“So what am I going to eat?” I asked, breaking the slightly awkward silence.
“That, my dear Lulu, is a secret,” he said.
I smiled, glad that Sirius was back to his usual self. Somehow, he seemed so different when he showed his concerned side. A thing he’d done the day before Grandpa Harry’s funeral too, though I hadn’t noticed it then. Now I did and it scared me a little. Well, in a good way. I had always known Sirius as a player, a prankster who was smiling and unconcerned all the time. But then we had had our detention. It had seemed as a breakthrough for him, and he’d somehow been able to return some of the support I had given him there to me now. It kind of made me think of James; always concerned about my well being and my feelings; one who truly cared for me.
“So this secret thing you’re making for me,” I said and made him turn. “Is it gonna be any good? And are we going to be back before the others, seeing as it’s already something to eight.”
“Yes and no,” he said simply and turned from the small kitchen table he was working on at the moment. “Yes, it’s going to be great. But, no, I don’t think we’ll be back before the others. But I think we will before nine, though.”
“Oh.”
“So, do you want to sit down?” he asked and turned back to the table.
“I wouldn’t mind,” I answered honestly.
The next second, a house elf had appeared with a chair for me. Then two other appeared; one with a table and one with another chair. Grinning I sat down.
“See that’s service,” I said.
Sirius laughed. “Of course. They love us down here.”
“Us?”
“The Marauders of course.”
“Ahh. Do you need any help with that?”
He shook his head. “Nope.”
“Sure?”
“Yep!”
Silence fell upon us. I decided to leave it since I was slightly outworn and somehow a conversation was not necessary. After some good ten minutes I gave up.
I sighed, leaning back in the chair. “This is so boring!”
“You think so?” he asked.
“Yes. Why aren’t we talking?”
He shrugged. “You don’t need to talk all the time. Actually, silence proves that two people don’t need to talk to have a great time together.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Yup,” he said. “You see, when being alone together and not really knowing each other, one tends to just talk and talk, afraid that an awkward silence will occur. That’s because that person is nervous and maybe not comfortable. When the nervousness fades away, the two people are comfortable around each other and can communicate without speaking.”
I mused over his words a few seconds in my mind, then nodded. “It sounds true enough. Silence means trust, comfort and ease around each other.”
He smiled and turned. “It’s like what we’ve got now.”
I couldn’t help smiling. “Yeah, it is.”
His eyes lingered on mine for a second before he turned back and sighed. “So let the silence speak for a moment.”
“Sure.”
The next few minutes I sat, looking at him, and for the first time enjoying the silence.
He suddenly stopped working and turned. I looked up at him waiting for him to speak, but snorted instead. He had a drop of something brown on his cheek.
“You have something there!” I said and pointed.
He wiped his cheek with the backside of his hand. “There? Gone?”
I shook my head and got up. I reached out and quickly wiped it off with my thumb. But my fingers somehow didn’t remove themselves from his face, the tips kept resting on his cheek. He looked at me, not smiling but with some kind of earnest gaze. It was so pure. Feeling the blood rush to my head and going through my ears, I quickly removed my hand. He cleared his throat, blinking once and turned back to the table. I looked at him for a few seconds before I took a deep breath, trying to regain self-control.
“So why won’t you let me see?” I asked, leaning against the table so I had my back to his work.
“Because it’s a secret,” he said, a funny tone in his voice.
I sighed. “You’re no fun.”
“I’m almost done,” he said. “Here!”
“What?” I asked turning.
He held a spoon up. Studying it, I found it was something reddish brown, thick gravy maybe? I shrugged and tried it slowly. It wasn’t gravy, though. It tasted like strawberries and chocolate at the same time. He sent me a questioning look.
“So, how is it?” he asked.
“It’s good,” I said truthfully.
He smirked. “As I said; Sirius Black can cook.”
“Sure, but what is it?”
“‘Tis my own kind of cream for my own kind of waffles.”
“Ha!” I grinned. “So you’re making waffles! You just revealed your secret.”
He looked at me with a glint in his eyes. “That’s because you’re about to eat it now.”
He nodded towards our table and I found that it had been laid with tableware and plates.
“How did you-?” I only managed to say.
“Pimmy and Taray love us as I also said,” he grinned. “They did it.”
I caught a glimpse of the two elves in the other end of the kitchen. Grinning, I sat down as Sirius placed the waffles on the table.
“Now eat,” he said with a kind smile. “We can’t have you go around and look so… Skinny.”
I shook my head, still not able to forget that he was the only one who’d actually noticed.
A good half hour later, we were on our way back to the Gryffindor tower. I was laughing hard supporting my weight slightly on Sirius. I had asked him further about their little Marauders Truth or Dare and he’d told me a few of the funniest.
“But why didn’t Remus just take Truth then?” I asked, my hand on my stomach.
Sirius rolled his eyes. “Because we all want to be the Ultimate Marauder. None of us wants to lose.”
I shook my head turning to the Fat Lady and gave her the password. Smiling, Sirius placed one hand on my waist and another on my arm, softly helping me inside. But I stopped dead halfway through. His touch had made my skin under his fingers burn and my stomach hurt in an uncomfortable way. I gasped of surprise and jumped through the portrait hole away from his touch. Heads turned shortly at our entrance, but only a few kept looking. I caught James’ wondering gaze along with Miranda’s slight jealousy. Without saying another word to Sirius I ran over to her and fell down in a couch.
“Where have you been, and with Sirius?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
I looked up. “Kitchen.”
“Louisa, is something going on between you two?” she asked curtly.
I nearly dropped my jaw. ‘Again please?’ I wasn’t sure how to answer. If I answered too quickly she’d think we had something, but if I was too slow and hesitating she’d also think so. I chose to look up at her with raised eyebrows.
“Of course not,” I said with a slight snort. “Do you honestly think I would ever do that to you even if I actually liked him?”
Miranda smiled lightly, leaning back. “No of course not. I just… Never mind,” she ended it and shook her head. “Sorry, Lisa.”
“‘Tis okay. So, how was the Dueling Club thing?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Oh it was great. I really wish you’d been there,” she said. “We learned new ways to block spells and we dueled.”
I sighed. “Maybe I’ll go next time.” But I knew that same second that I wouldn’t.
Miranda smiled. “I’d love you to.”
James and Sirius’ laughter made it to my ears and I looked over at them. It obviously was some kind of a prank they were planning. As if having sensed my gaze, Sirius turned and looked at me. As hit by an electric shock, I jumped up. Miranda sent me a weird gaze.
“I’m tired,” I muttered. “I’m going to bed.”
“Err. Okay,” she simply said.
Hurrying up to the dorm, I tried to make my heart’s beat come down to a normal level. This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all. I fell down on my bed heavily, sighing deeply.
I wasn’t stupid. I knew what it had been back there at the portrait hole with Sirius. It was a feeling I hadn’t really felt for months. At the beginning, when Damien and I dated, I had felt it every time he kissed or even touched me. It was the feeling of having a crush on someone. And it had not only been there tonight. I had felt it at Grandpa Harry’s funeral too, but it had been deeply hidden under my sorrow. Oh yes, it was true.
I buried my head in my pillow. I couldn’t have a crush on Sirius. I could not.

*

Uhhh!

- Vicki

Hey! And it hasn't even been long!

11 – Not My Usual Self
I woke up the next morning still with my clothes from the previous evening on. I groaned and turned on my back, rolling off my bed.
‘Good lord.’
But of course, it had been weeks since I last had rolled off my bed, why now? I slowly sat up, trying to remember why my mood was so bad. It came to me slowly, but clearly. Sirius. He was the reason why I had not fallen asleep until after twelve, and woken up every other hour.
As I got up from the ground and headed towards the bathroom, my mind started to wonder. This was so wrong. Not just in one way. Through the night, I had found around eight reasons why I could not have a crush on Sirius. The last one was the most important; it was probably just a crush after all. I had come to the conclusion that I only had these sudden feelings for Sirius because I missed Damien so much. That could happen, right? I mean… I had looked at boys before while dating Damien. I told myself that one might have prettier eyes or another just a hot body. Yet, when I saw Damien I always seemed to forget about the other guys. Yes, I had found them attractive, but I had found Damien even more. Yes, I might have had a crush on Sirius too, but I loved Damien.
Then it struck me. Did I love Damien? That was a really hard question to ask. I had never really loved anybody, but I had crushed on several guys. I had a crush on Remus once, not a bad one, but it had been there. I had even liked Sirius the first time I saw him. I mean, for an eleven year old it was ridiculous how good he looked.
But that’s all just unimportant ramble. The keyword in this situation was ‘crush’. After all, it was just a crush, if you could even call it that. It was probably just me who had been mistaken. No, deeper inside of me I knew it wasn’t just something I had imagined.
I sighed deeply as I stepped out of the shower again. Everything was just such a mess at the moment. Hmm. Maybe it was the fact that I had at once and in a very short time, come so close to Sirius, a person who I had never really talked to and only did because he lived in our house. But as we started school again, something seemed to open up between us. I blamed James. He, Peter and Sirius could have stopped pulling straws and just let James be with me during that Care of Magical Creatures assignment. Then I would have talked to him and not to Sirius about missing Damien. Then I wouldn’t have spent so many evenings alone with him in the library. And then I would never have found such a good friend and listener in him!
I quickly found my clothes and got dressed. I stopped in front of the mirror. I looked like… Like I had barely survived a drowning in the Black Lake during a storm; not a pretty sight. Groaning, I grabbed a brush and let it run through my hair a few times. It didn’t get better. I gave up and found the only single thing I used as a beauty product; my mascara. I’d never been a girl who spent long time in front of a mirror, but I couldn’t live without that one. I placed my elbow on the little shelf under the mirror and started to put it on carefully.
“Good morning!”
The voice of Lily startled me and my elbow slipped, and with it, most of my body – since I supported the whole weight of the upper part of my body on it – and poked myself in the eye with the mascara wand.
“OUCH!”
“Shoot! Lisa, I’m really, really, really, really sorry!”
I straightened up and dried my running eye with my towel. Lily placed a hand on my shoulder and looked at me, concerned. I blinked a couple of times. My eye hurt so much that not even my inner temper had the energy to be mean to Lily.
“Lisa, are you okay?” she asked after a few seconds.
I nodded weakly. “My eye just hurts.”
“I’m really sorry I scared you! I didn’t know you were up this early.”
“No, normally I’m not a morning person,” I muttered.
She grinned apologetically. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I just won’t use my eye today.”
She laughed. Her laughter was too light for the early hours. “Sounds sad.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Okay. And again; I’m sorry!”
I waved her off as she ran to the shower, then I turned to the mirror. I looked awful, since I had just gotten a black eye. I dried the mascara away and slowly and extremely carefully, put it on again. I still looked awful, but didn’t want to do more about it.
Back in the dorm, the others were on their way out of bed too. I walked over to Miranda’s bed and stopped.
“Ranner, I’m going down for breakfast now. You’ll come later, right?”
She looked up at me, squinting. “Sure,” she said groggily. “But why are you up so early?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” I said shortly, not really wanting to tell her why. “Later.”
I made my way out of the dorm and down the stairs, but stopped halfway, feeling my heart pound a bit faster than I liked. I took a deep breath.
‘Can’t be happening, Lisa, can’t be happening.’
I bit my lip hardly and moved the rest of the way down the stairs. The Common Room was empty, but would I have expected something else? Only the fewest people were up by now. I crossed it quickly and was out in the corridor in a few seconds.
Why was I so afraid by the way? Normally my confidence was better than most peoples’. Even when I had crushes. Even the smallest ones. I was really being ridiculous. Really ridiculous. My thoughts kept wandering until I stopped up in the door to the Great Hall. I breathed out a sigh of relief, walked down the table and sat down across from James who sat next to Remus.
“Morning,” I muttered.
James raised an eyebrow. “Why are you up so early?”
I shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep, I guess.”
“Ahh,” he simply uttered.
I ate a spoonful of scrambled eggs and then looked up to find James studying me. “What?” I asked, and accidentally let out a big lump of it.
He looked down at his plate displeased and removed the egg. “Well,” he muttered and threw it down at Remus’ own plate. “There’s a Hogsmeade trip in two weeks. Saturday.”
“There was a meeting yesterday,” Remus said and threw the eggs back.
“You’re kidding!” I exclaimed and looked at them on turn. James shook his head and threw the egg into a bowl of pumpkin juice. “Really, that’s disgusting,” I said.
“Not kidding,” James said and ignored my last comment. “Lily and I agreed on it yesterday.”
Remus swallowed. “Oh, ‘Lily’ and you?” he grinned.
“Yeah, Lily and I,” James confirmed.
I exchanged glances with Remus. “Since when did you move away from ‘Evans’?” I asked with laughter.
“Shut up,” he said and got up. “You’re both idiots.”
“We know,” Remus said indifferently as James walked out the Great Hall.
I looked at him. “Do you think we made him mad?”
“No,” he said, and rolled his eyes, “he just likes to play mad because of nothing.”
“So there is a Hogsmeade trip?” I asked, smiling.
“Yep. Going?”
“Hell yeah. I got to owl Damien and tell him!”
My smile faded as I looked up and found a person behind Remus; Sirius. “Morning,” he grinned and sat down next to Remus, not looking at me twice. “What’s up with Prongs today?”
“So you met him?” Remus responded as Sirius sat down on James’ abandoned seat.
“Aha.” Sirius flicked his perfect hair out of his eyes and made a grab for the pumpkin juice. “He did not seem happy.”
“That might be because we teased him,” I muttered and looked at my now cold eggs; somehow I did not dare to meet Sirius’ gaze after the very short other time.
“Is that so?” he asked as he poured the juice into a glass.
“It wasn’t anything special,” Remus said and pursed his lips.
I caught his gaze and bit my lower lip while Sirius took a sip of the juice without looking at it. A second later he spit it out on the plate in front of him.
“Eww! What’s in this crap?” he exclaimed and looked down at the lump of eggs that was swimming around in juice on his plate. Remus and I burst out laughing. “Oh, you are so mature!”
I looked him in the eyes for the first time that morning. I regretted that just a second later. His eyes were the same color as usual; grey and the most fantastic color of it. I might have blushed at that moment, but I’m not sure if I actually did. With a lot of energy,y I forced my gaze away and looked at Remus instead.
“I think we’re pretty mature, don’t you think, Remus?”
“Absolutely.”
Sirius grumbled and switched his plate with the one next to him. “Yeah. Really. Oh, and Moony?”
“Maybe?” Remus asked back.
“Can I have my wand?
“Classes have not yet begun, Padfoot,” Remus said smoothly.
“Ts!”
Suddenly Sirius stretched his legs under the table, brushing against my knee, and I made an involuntary movement and hit both my knees at the underside of the table.
“Aww!” I groaned.
Both Sirius and Remus looked at me, concerned. “You’re not too bright in the morning, eh?” Remus asked.
“I guess not,” I muttered and got up. “Later.”
“Er, sure,” Remus murmured.
I rushed away from them before I heard if either had anything else to say. I only heard far away that Remus said something which made Sirius grumble something back.
When outside of the Great Hall, I leaned against the wall and hit my head once against it with my eyes closed. “Stupid!”
“What’s stupid?”
I opened my eyes to find Pandora looking at me. “Errm… Nothing,” I said slowly.
She smiled carefully at me. “Right…?”
“It’s nothing special,” I corrected myself, lying.
“So why are you up so early?” she asked, slanting her head to the right. “Are you ill?”
I laughed, but it came out more like hysterical sounds. “No, no,” I said, closing my mouth way too early. “I just didn’t sleep well.”
“Ahh.” She looked at me as if I was mental; she could be a little right. “Want to go have breakfast?”
“I’ve already had mine,” I muttered. “I’ll just go to class.” I began to move.
“Err, Lisa?”
“Yeah?”
“There’s more than an hour till classes start,” she said, and eyed me more carefully. “You sure you’re not ill?”
“I’m fine!” I exclaimed. “Why do you keep asking me that?”
She took a step backwards. “You just seem a little beside your usual self.”
I took a hand to my forehead. “Sorry, Pan. I’m just a little stressed. You’re right, not at all my usual self.”
“It’s okay,” she said and was by my side the next second. “Maybe you should go to Madam Pomfrey and ask for something to help you relax?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I don’t think that’ll help.”
She slowly put an arm around my shoulders. “Come, Lisa. I think you need some energy.”
“I’ve already eaten,” I said, feeling stupid repeating myself.
“Then you eat some more,” Pandora said smoothly. “You’ve lost a lot of weight lately.”
I didn’t oppose. My mind was elsewhere. So it wasn’t only Sirius who had noticed. Pandora had as well. She softly pulled me down on a seat at the Ravenclaw table.
“Here!”
I looked down at my new plate; a plate of cornflakes. “So what’s the first class?” I asked.
Pandora smiled. “I have Defense, so I think you have that too.”
“Yeah…” I said and sighed deeply.
“Oh come on, Lisa! Leicester is actually a pretty good teacher.”
“And an evil man,” I muttered.
Pandora laughed slightly. “You use too much energy in being mad at him. Use it in a constructive way instead.”
I sighed. “Yeah, whatever.”
“Morning, Lisa!” a voice said and I turned and found Kate behind me. “Why are you eating here?” she asked and sat down.
“She’s not all right,” Pandora said and stifled a yawn.
“Underestimation,” I said, and rubbed my face in my hands. “Maybe I’ll skip Defense.”
“Oh no you won’t!” this time it was Miranda who apparently had decided to join us at the Ravenclaw table. She sat down next to Pandora. “Do you really feel that ill?”
“I just don’t like Leicester,” I said.
Pandora smiled. “Do what you want, Lisa.”
I glared at her. “You just know how to make me feel bad for skipping one class, huh?”
“I sure do,” she said with a laugh.
“Fine,” I muttered with a sigh. “Won’t skip class.”
And therefore, an hour later, I sat in the back of Defense Against the Dark Arts with Pandora by my side, wondering what the heck it was about Sirius that I found attractive. At the moment he’d stuffed one small roll of parchment up each of his nostrils. Furthermore he’d pulled back his lips over his teeth and was currently pretending to be some sort of whale, he’d said to James. Not that I cared, of course, I was busy listening to Leicester.
‘Oh, who am I kidding?’
Of course I’d rather look at Sirius stuffing ten rolls of parchment up his nostrils than looking at the ugly face of Leicester. I put my face into my hands and sighed deeply. I closed my eyes and just listened to Leicester.
“Miss Potter?”
I suppressed the great urge I had to groan and looked up at him. “Yes, sir?”
He eyed me. “Do you find my class boring?”
I sighed. “No, sir.” I shook my head.
“Then why are you sleeping?”
My mouth fell open. I had had my face in my hands for a second and he thought I’d been asleep. Leicester took a few steps closer to my table, eyeing me in the line of his nose.
“I- I wasn’t sleeping,” I stuttered. “I simply put my face in my hands for a second.”
“And why were you doing that?” he asked smoothly. “Isn’t my class good enough to you, Potter?”
“Yes!” I hurried to say. “I just didn’t sleep well last night!”
His eyes glinted and I knew what was coming before it came. I sighed deeply. ‘Detention.’
“Detention, Potter.”
‘Why, Merlin, why?’
At his and Sirius’s table, James got up. “Really, Professor! That’s unfair! Louisa didn’t do anything!”
Leicester turned with that angry glint in his eye again. “Miss Potter didn’t come to my class fresh and rested. Sit down Mr. Potter, or you can join your sister at detention!”
James’ lips pulled back in a snarl, but he didn’t move. His eyes flashed dangerously back at Leicester who had not only turned to James, but not moved away from my table. I shook my head in horror, this was not going well.
“It seems like it’s going to be a family detention,” Leicester snarled. “Sit down Potter.”
Just as I thought it couldn’t get worse, Sirius flung his feet off the table and sat up straight. He looked angry. “That’s unreasonable!” he exclaimed. “First you give Louisa a detention for barely closing her eyes and then James for standing up to her. I don’t think-!”
“Detention!”
Now it seemed as if he’d woken up the whole class, especially the female part of it. But what shocked me the most was that Lily got up. She looked straight at Leicester from her seat behind Remus and Peter.
“Professor,” she said in her strong voice without sounding accusing. “As Head Girl I feel like I should inform you that you can’t-”
“Then a detention to the Head Girl as well!” he snarled.
Lily stopped, shocked. I watched as tears welled up in her eyes and she sat down again and Sue put an arm around her shoulders. That seemed to do it; Sirius leaned back defeated and the class fell silent. James, on the other hand, looked devastated and waited ten seconds before he sat down next to Sirius looking sadder than he’d done in a long time. Then it clicked for me. Without saying another word, I got up, kicked my chair backwards, gathered my stuff and walked towards the door.
“Miss Potter!”
I didn’t listen to Leicester, I only slammed the door hardly behind me. I stomped hard down the corridor so fast that I was back at Gryffindor Tower in a matter of minutes. But when I was finally inside of the tower, I realized it wasn’t where I needed to be at the time. I quickly dropped my back in the dorm and left, heading for the grounds.
It was literally feeling the blood pulsing in my veins through my ears from the anger that still consumed me. I had barely looked down, and still I’d gotten in trouble because of it. Then James of course could have stopped in time and sat down when asked for it. And Sirius… I smiled unwillingly. I couldn’t help but feel he’d kind of stood up for me, but inside I knew it was only because of James, of course. But Lily… That was really a hard one. She didn’t like James or Sirius. I highly doubted it was because of me. Maybe she just thought it was her duty as Head Girl. No, as Head Girl you always agreed with the teachers.
‘Arrgh!’

When I heard the bell ring ending the class half an hour later, I didn’t even move. I knew there was lunch at first but after it, when I had class, I’d still be too mad to even go there. I threw another stone into the water and closed my eyes, leaning back. I stretched my hands above my head, really feeling the soft wind through my fingers. Sirius had been right; this place was truly amazing when trying to calm you down.
I looked up as I heard someone approach. I frowned deeply, what was Remus doing down here? I sat up a little straighter, supporting my weight on my elbows. I’d always liked Remus, he was nothing like the other three Marauders. He was sweet and caring, one who respected others in a way my brother and Sirius did not.
“Hey…” I said slowly.
He nodded at me. “Hi.” He slowly sat down at a stone next to me.
“So what are you doing down here?” I asked, trying to sound more curious than suspicious.
I shrugged. “Thought I should tell you that you most likely just have earned a week’s detention along with James, probably Sirius as well.”
“What?” I exclaimed. “What did they now do?”
“Well, James tried to talk to Leicester about Lily’s detention, trying to let her go, but as he and Sirius had just caused a table to crack over on the middle he did not succeed. Instead he just angered him.”
“Poor bloke,” I muttered. “Why did he have to do that?”
“Why do you think?” he asked with a smile.
“Lily.”
He nodded. “So will you skip Potions or just use this class to get all of your rage out?”
“Probably skip,” I said with a shrug.
“They’ll be disappointed, you know… James and Sirius, if you’re not there. They’ve planned the really big thing to congratulate you with your new detention-record.”
“Oh, tempting.”
He grinned. “I know.”
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I’m just a little beside myself today.”
He looked at me carefully. “Mind if I ask what’s wrong?”
“Ask all you want,” I said. “But most likely, I will not be giving you a good answer.”
“I’m Sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
He got up with a sigh. “But I really didn’t want anything else.”
I nodded. “Okay… See you later.”
I turned my gaze towards the water. Of course I had to go to class, but I didn’t want to go up there. I didn’t want to spend our free time outside of class with the rest of the students. James and Sirius would really have a chance to tease me. So I spent the whole lunch at the lake and only got up a few minutes before the bell rang and I had Potions. Luckily, Professor Slughorn had already let the students inside and started the class so I didn’t have to deal with them then. However, it seemed as if Miranda and Pandora were waiting for me.
“Hi,” Pandora greeted me softly.
In that second, Slughorn spotted me. “Miss Potter! I was afraid you wouldn’t be here!” his voice boomed across the dungeon and I shrank in my seat. “Though I must warn you next time you’re late for my class you’ll get a detention.”
“Sorry Professor,” I said weakly and looked over the table and saw James grinning at me. “Oh this will be hell,” I muttered no Miranda.
She smiled sympathetically at me. “Just ignore them.”
‘Yeah, like that will ever work!’
So, while Professor Slughorn talked I sat quiet in my seat and tried to ignore the glances I was sent. I found Lily with Sue and Mary. She still looked shocked, but the tears had gone away. I did not notice Professor Slughorn had stopped talking before James stood at my table.
“So congrats with the detentions,” he said and eyed me carefully.
“Oh, Hip-hip-hurray!” I muttered darkly.
“Oh come on,” he sighed. “It’s not like you haven’t had a detention before.”
“That’s not it,” I said. “You, Sirius and Lily got one too. Because of me! And I left class!”
He smiled. “I don’t blame you. Neither does Sirius. I’m not sure about Lily, but she’s not even mad at me!” He said the last with a hint of excitement.
I smiled. “But I really am sorry.”
“I know,” he said and nodded. “But wait until mum and dad get to know.”
“Oh, you’re so funny!” I said sarcastically.
“Like they’ll care.” James moved slightly so he could have a better look at Lily. “Dad will just be proud that you’ve finally stood up.”
I smiled slightly. “So is it a week I get in detention?”
He shrugged. “Probably. Along with me. I’m still not sure about Sirius, but he’ll be kept in a short leash for the next few weeks at the least.”
“Ahh,” I simply said, not wanting James to know how interested I really was in it all.
“Don’t worry about it, Louie,” he said and messed up my hair, getting up.
“Ih!” I uttered and straightened it slightly.
“It’ll be fun,” he grinned and ignored me.
“Oh, yeah, I’m expecting to fall over dead of laughing every second I’m in there,” I muttered under my breath as he walked away again.
“Cheer up!” Pandora whispered in my ear; she’d just returned with a glass of some disgusting green-brown liquid.
“Shut up,” I said and grabbed the glass. “What’s this rubbish?”
“Don’t insult the noble liquid of the gall bladder of a horse!” she said with a grin. “It’s one of the most-”
“Oh, shut up,” I repeated irritated. “I’m getting the mint.”
Pandora laughed. “You sure do. Be careful. The leaves are almost able to cut in something. You might bleed to death.”
“So funny,” I called over my shoulder before I looked into the closet of herbs. I removed a couple of jars to try and find it.
“You’re in a fantastic mood today, huh?” a voice spoke right on my ear.
I spun around while holding a large jar filled with dried twigs in my hand. ‘Shoot.’
“Oh, not you too,” I sighed and turned again so Sirius wouldn’t be able to see the red color my cheeks had gotten.
He laughed and then he leaned against the closet with his shoulder, arms crossed and eyes on me. “You’re in a really bad mood today aren’t you?”
“Oh, what makes you think that?” I asked, suppressing an even worse sarcastic comment. It seemed as if sarcasm was the best way to deal with all this now.
He smirked. “Congrats with the detentions. New record isn’t it?”
“It already was last time,” I said.
“I’ve got flags in my bag.”
I sighed. “Remus said you’d do something like that. Please don’t.”
“Oh, why are you ruining the fun?” he groaned, pretending to be sad. “I had a little song for you.”
I raised both my eyebrows. “Then let me hear.”
He suddenly blushed. “Umm. I’m not prepared.”
“Ah.” I put a finger to my lower lips. “Thought so too.”
“Hey! I could have written you a song, you know!” he exclaimed.
I snorted. “Yeah, right. But you can always sing something else for me?”
“I don’t sing,” he said shortly.
“Hmm…” I muttered. “I know that’s not true as I’ve already heard you. Come on. Just sing.”
He smiled widely, letting his tongue brush over his front teeth. “I don’t sing in front of other people.”
“So that thing that time in Defense was…?”
He chuckled. Why was he in such a great mood? I crossed my arms and looked up at him with raised eyebrows.
“Saving your pride. I simply saved you from Leicester.”
I smiled inwardly. I couldn’t help thinking he’d actually done that for me. “You paid it with a detention?”
He shrugged. “That was just an extra gift.”
“Extra gift?” I asked with raised eyebrows.
“Detention gives you respect,” he grinned.
“You’re so mature,” I said.
In the next second someone else stood at my side; Miranda. “Lisa, how long is it going to take?”
I looked at her. “What?”
She showed the white of her eyes. “The mint?”
“It’s right here,” Sirius said and gave her a jar.
Miranda blushed slightly. “Thanks, Sirius.”
“You’re welcome,” he said and winked.
Miranda blushed even more and hurried back to the table. I knew it was stupid of me, but I couldn’t help feeling slightly jealous. I knew Sirius was a flirt and did that to everyone. I knew it was stupid of me to have developed a ridiculous little crush on him, but I couldn’t really do anything about it now.
“So you think we’re immature?”
Sirius’ voice brought me back from my river of thoughts and I looked up at him, bewildered. “Erm… what was it again?” I asked with a frown.
His eyebrows rose highly at his forehead. “You said we were immature and I asked you if you really thought so.” He smiled knowingly at me.
I put a hand to my head. “Sorry. I’m a bit not myself today.”
He grinned and ruffled my hair, just as James. “‘Tis okay, Lulu. Go back and help your friends now. We can’t get you into more of those detentions, can we?”
I shook my head. “I guess not.” I turned and slowly walked back to the table where I sat down next to Pandora.
“What did he want?” Miranda asked.
I showed the white of my eyes. “Congratulate me with my detentions.”
She smiled. “Ah. Is that why he and James are waving flags now?”
Horrified, I turned and looked at them. “Oh Merlin,” I groaned and turned back to our table. “Let’s get to work. And please ignore them.”
Miranda and Pandora laughed.

*

It was with tears in her eyes that Lily announced to me that we were to do our detention on Wednesday evening, in a week. It obviously was a big shock to her. What annoyed me was that I actually felt bad for her. I felt bad for Lily Evans.
‘It’s going downhill for me,’ I thought to myself as I watched Lily slump down on her bed with a loud sigh. Slowly, I walked to her bed and sat down next to her.
“Are you… Are you mad at me?” I slowly asked.
She looked up. “What? For the detention? No, actually not.”
I frowned. “Why?”
She looked up. “Don’t know. I know for sure that none of us actually deserved it. And when he first gave it to you… well, that was it. It was unfair, but that happens so often. But then he gave one to James, and then Sirius. That was too much. I had hoped I could make him pull it back, but when I went to talk to McGonagall about it, then s-”
“Hold on,” I interrupted. “You talked to McGonagall?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I thought it was unfair, but she couldn’t do anything about it.”
“Mmm,” I uttered and then cleared my throat. “He’s really sorry about it, you know. He believes it’s his fault.”
Lily looked up. “Who? James?”
I nodded. “Yeah. He knows how much you care about stuff like that and he’s really sorry for the mess he caused.”
She smiled. “I’ll tell him not to be when I see him next time.”
“Sure thing.” I slowly got up, suddenly remembering how much I actually despised Lily. I walked out of the dorm without another word.

*

So what do you think of Lisa's way of coping? Feedback's welcome!

- Vicki

And again I'm fast!

*

12 – Something Wrong
I stopped in front of the black and muddy brown door of Leicester’s office. Muddy brown, what a depressing color. I tilted my head slightly. Had the others arrived? I didn’t want to be in there alone. I shuddered at the thought. I closed my eyes and leaned lightly against the wall with my shoulder. Maybe I was late, of course, and the others already were in there, only waiting for me.
“BOO!”
I screamed out loud and hastily spun around and swung a flat hand at the dark person behind me. I heard a howl of pain as my hand made contact with the cheek. The person stumbled into the wall and then to the floor, swearing loud and very badly.
“Why the hell did you do that?” Sirius’ voice shouted back at me.
“Why did you freaking scare me?” I whined back in a voice at least ten octaves higher than usual.
He laughed slightly. “You seemed so lost in your thoughts. It was too big of a temptation.”
“So funny,” I said and offered a hand.
He grabbed it and pulled himself up, coming slightly close to me. “It’s true. It’s like, you don’t pass a bed with a naked girl without joining her.”
“Wow, I feel honored,” I said, letting sarcasm get the largest amount of my tone. “You’re comparing me to a naked girl.” My own comment made me blush.
“Only if you want to,” he smirked.
My eyebrows flew up. “Thanks.”
He laughed. “You’re welcome.”
“So where’s James?” I asked.
“Spying on Evans. He wants to catch her on the way out of the library and follow her here.”
“Stalker.”
“Uhu. So are you too afraid to go in there alone?”
“No, why would you think that?” I asked, again letting the sarcasm really get out.
He smirked and placed an arm on my shoulder, supporting his weight on me. “You’re just in some fantastic mood today, aren’t you?”
“Oh yeah, bloody fantastic. I’ve been looking forward to this the whole bloody day and it’s made my mood so bloody great.”
“That’s lovely to hear, Miss Potter.”
I nearly shrieked again as Leicester’s voice had spoke right behind where Sirius and I were standing. We both turned around and looked up at him. I swallowed hard.
“Professor Leicester!” Sirius greeted with way too much enthusiasm. “What a lovely surprise.”
“I see,” he said darkly. “Why don’t you come inside?”
At those words, my hands started sweating as madly and my heart started pounding loudly. I opened my mouth and closed it again a few times, but I wasn’t able to get words through my lips. Luckily Sirius was the man I couldn’t be (metaphorically and literally speaking, of course) and spoke up, happily.
“We sure will,” he said cheerily. Leicester held the door with a cold smile and Sirius led me inside with a hand on the lower of my back, since I wasn’t able to go by myself. “Don’t be afraid,” he whispered in my ear.
I closed my mouth hardly to prevent myself from gasping for air. It really should be forbidden to do stuff like that!
Leicester waved his hand signaling two chairs and we sat down. In the next second, someone knocked on the door. We all turned and looked at a smiling James and an annoyed looking Lily while they entered.
“Good evening,” Lily said to Leicester and sent him a forced smile.
Leicester nodded. “I’m so happy you could all be here,” he said and smiled coldly.
A low rumble came from Sirius’ chest and I jumped frightened in my chair. How was he able to make such a good dog imitation? It frightened me a little. I looked up at James to read his expression, but he showed no feelings at all. Maybe he was just confused of what to show; standing next to his dream girl, but in the office of an awful professor.
“Miss Potter, Mr. Black, please get up.” Leicester’s voice brought me back. I looked at Sirius who got up from the chair. “I think you all know why you’re here,” he continued. “Miss Potter, first of all, I do not tolerate sleeping in my class. And I do not tolerate that my students just walk out right in the middle of my classes either. Nor do I tolerate interruptions; I thought you had learned that. Mr. Black, Mr. Potter and lastly Miss Evans, my decisions stand. None of your words count and you have to accept that you are my students and that I have the right to give out detentions. Please remember that.” He looked at Lily. “Head Girls can’t change my decisions. Nor can Head Boys.” His gaze turned to James. “Potter – both of you, actually – have one detention each night at seven o’clock the next seven days. Black, you will join them. Evans you’re free after tonight, but you will do well in remembering who the teacher is and who the student is. You all understand me?”
I nodded, stealing a glance towards the others. James scowled while Sirius only looked mildly irritated at Leicester and Lily had small tears in her eyes, yet, she looked relieved.
“So what are we supposed to do?” Sirius asked nonchalantly, raising an eyebrow.
Leicester smiled an evil smile.

“Oh, Merlin I HATE him!” I raged half an hour later.
James looked up from his bucket of worms. “We all do, Louie.”
“But I’m the only one who seemed to be bothered by this,” I said. I was very close to crying. From anger and rage of course. I wasn’t that sad.
“That’s not entirely true,” Sirius said, holding up a living worm, studying it with much interest. “It just bothers you more than the rest of us.”
I looked at him with disgust, finding myself wondering what it was about him that attracted me. As he looked up at me with glinting eyes, I remembered and cursed myself for what seemed like the hundredth time that week. I didn’t deserve Damien. Speaking of… He’d told me he would be able to come to Hogsmeade for the weekend. I was beyond happy. In the back of my mind I couldn’t help thinking that maybe it would all help my Sirius-situation.
Lily sniffed and I turned my gaze towards her. She wasn’t crying, was she? James seemed to have noticed too and looked at Lily.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
She didn’t look up. “I’m fine,” she muttered.
I rolled my eyes while no one was seeing. James studied her for a few seconds and then turned his gaze back towards his bucket. Sourly, I started to poke the worms in the bucket.
“You actually get used to it after a few seconds,” Sirius muttered as he studied a dead worm.
I looked up at him. “Can’t you just leave the worms alone and just sort them instead?”
He looked at me. “Sorry.” He let the worm go.
“Thanks,” I said and turned back to my own worms.
“To make this a little funnier, we could play a game,” James suggested silently.
I laughed. “Like ‘Find a Worm With a Funny Face And Then Throw It’?”
Sirius snorted and Lily looked up. Her eyes were slightly red. “What did I miss?” she asked.
I looked at James as he cleared his throat and began to explain the rules of ‘Find a Trophy With a Funny Name on And Then Throw It’. Sirius and I exchanged bemused glances and turned back to our buckets of worms.
“Merlin, this is so gross,” I muttered and held up something that looked a lot like a large fingernail.
Sirius grabbed it from my hand. “Oh, I’ve been looking for this one!”
I closed my eyes in disgust. “I think I’m gonna get sick.”
He laughed silently. “Relax, Lulu. I think it’s Remus’ by the way. He’s got smaller nails than me.”
“Why do you know such strange information about each other?” I asked as I looked at the worms again.
He grinned. “We had to compare hands. I had the biggest. You know what they say about big hands, right? And feet?”
I suppressed a sarcastic remark and looked up at him with innocent interest. “No, I don’t. Please enlighten me.”
He blushed and leaned slightly back, suddenly lost for words. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before closing it permanently. I grinned slightly.
“Not always so cocky, eh?” I said.
He shot me a glare and looked down again. “You’re just stupid.”
“Why thank you.”
“It wasn’t a compliment.”
“I’ll take it as one.”
He scowled. In the same second, Lily laughed out loud. We both looked at her and James. It turned out that he’d told her a bit about our first detention that year.
“I miss polishing trophies,” I said with a groan and let my head fall slightly.
“Me too,” James muttered.
“Ah, come on!” Sirius said with enthusiasm. “This is really…” He held up a bunch of worms and let them fall again. “Okay, disgusting. But at least no one gets hurt.” He looked shortly at me.
“Louie can get hurt just sitting on the floor,” James said. “In a moment or two one of the worms will bite her and send her to the Hospital Wing.”
“What?” I asked. “I can do things without getting hurt!”
James looked at me with raised eyebrows. “Who are you trying to kid?”
I growled slightly at him but continued with my work without another word. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Lily purse her mouth with disgust written all over her face. The tears were gone and now she looked more irritated by it all.
“You know,” I mumbled and made them all look at me. “I’m sorry my idiocy brought us all here.”
None of them reacted at first, and then as if my words had created some sort of avalanche they all did. James dropped his worms angrily in his bucket and dried off his hands in his clean robes. Sirius squashed the worms in his hands and let the mash fall into the bucket. Then, he got up. Lily, on the other hand, seemed close to tears again and blinked hardly.
“It’s not your fault,” James muttered.
“No,” Sirius said and started pacing up and down. “Don’t blame yourself, Lulu.”
Lily looked to both of them and then at me. “Louisa, I don’t blame you. I just thought that if the Heads stood up to him he’d back off. After all, the teachers should listen to us a bit more than they do to other students.” James nodded approvingly.
“Besides that,” Sirius said. “With all this James and I have already broken the record of detentions on the first half of the year. You know mate, if we keep this going we can beat it for a whole year!”
“But that’s been standing since fourth year!” James exclaimed and his eyes lit up. “We can do this!”
I looked at Lily who apparently thought they were mad too. We exchanged glances and then both snorted.
“You know what?” I heard James ask Sirius above me. Apparently they had both gotten up now.
“No, what?” Sirius asked.
I studied James while a grin spread through his lips. “I think we need to teach Leicester a lesson.”
“Oh no!” Lily got up. “James don’t you think we’ve made enough trouble this year?”
“What?” he asked with a snort. “Lily, we’ve behaved like angels.”
“Then how come you’re beating a detention record? A detention record? You get detentions for not behaving!”
James blushed. “Well, you see, Lily-”
“NO!” Lily yelled. “James, enough is enough! Do you really enjoy being here? Because I don’t. And don’t you think it’s stupid to take revenge? He’s a teacher! A TEACHER! James I think it’s time for you and Sirius to grow a bit up!”
“Oi!” Sirius exclaimed and pointed to himself. “I am of age!” Lily shot him a glare and he backed away, mumbling, “And even more so, I’m turning eighteen in a few weeks.”
Lily looked back at James. “James, just re-think it before you rush into it all. I’d hate you to lack on our Head-duties.”
I could already hear James’ quick and slightly perverted remark in my head and quickly stomped him on the foot before I’d be an only child. He pursed his lips and took a deep breath, eyes locked with Lily’s.
“Fine,” he said at last and sighed. “We won’t pull some cruel prank on Leicester.”
Lily smiled. “Good. Now, why don’t we finish here so we can go up and do some homework?”
The guys groaned. “Really,” Sirius sighed.
Then the two of them sat down again and started working on their worms without another word.

*

The next morning I found out that – despite Lily’s outburst – James and Sirius still had plans of a revenge. Though they stopped talking about it as soon as Lily entered the Great Hall, which was where we sat, and packed some parchment away. It was bad plans, I was sure of it.
“What do you think they’re up to?” I asked Miranda as I turned to her.
She looked up. “Huh?”
“The Marauders,” I said and showed the white of my eyes.
She shrugged. “Why would I know?”
I smiled. “You’re in love with one of them.”
It seemed as if she didn’t listen to what I said and changed the topic the next second. “So Thursday, eh?” she grinned. “Only two days till you see Damien again.”
My heart suddenly beat a little faster. “Oh, Merlin, yeah! I can’t wait!”
“Don’t get overexcited,” Miranda sighed. “Then you’ll just hurt yourself.”
“Ts! You’re usually more excited than I am.”
She shot me a glare and then leaned over the table. “You know what I’ve heard?”
“With that glint in your eyes, I guess not.” I looked at her. “I also think it has something to do with a certain Marauder.”
She licked her lips. “Sirius does not have a date for Hogsmeade.”
“Okay…” I said slowly. “Does this mean I can just drop you off with them and go have fun with Damien?”
“Maybe,” she said with a shrug.
I glanced at them quickly again. “But I still want to know what they’re planning!”

*

I didn’t find out, though. And on Saturday morning I was too excited to even think about if my brother and his friends planned to lay the castle in ruins when they left in half an hour. They could have done it and I probably wouldn’t have noticed. What I thought about was that Damien had said he’d be there at eleven. That gave me one hour to make it to the train station. I was so excited.
“So are you going with Pan and Kate then?” I asked Miranda as we left the dorm.
She nodded. “But Kate has some kind of date with Rob. You know. That tall, dark haired Hufflepuff.”
“Ahh. He’s handsome,” I noticed and smiled.
We stopped at the Common Room where I looked around at the students who were about to leave for Hogsmeade and waited for each other to get ready. It looked as if the Marauders actually were going together. Without any dates.
“Come,” I said to Miranda before she could lose herself at the sight, and grabbed her by the wrist.
She followed only a little bit unwillingly down to the Entrance Hall where we met Pandora. All the way to Hogsmeade I let them talk. My mind was on the station. Fifty minutes. Forty minutes. Thirty minutes. When there were only twenty minutes left for the train to be there I said good bye and left them at Honeyduke’s. The last five minutes I couldn’t stand still. I literally jumped up and down and I was suddenly mad that he’d actually decided to take the train. If he’d just Apparated there he’d have been with me long time ago. But Damien had never been too happy about Apparating.
The train slowly stopped in front of me and I was ready to blow up. Any second now…
And there he was! I jumped and started running the second I saw his tall figure behind a low witch. He caught me in his arms as I jumped up to him, planting a kiss on his lips. He held me tight, but slowly he let me go, he didn’t brake away though. That had to be the best kiss ever! At that moment I couldn’t even remember what I had ever seen in Sirius.
“Ohh, you know, Lis-”
‘Don’t ruin it!’
I slowly broke away from him. “Merlin, I’ve missed you!” I exclaimed as soon as I could.
He smiled. “You can’t imagine how much I’ve missed you too!”
I hugged him tightly and then slowly took hold of his hand. “Come.” We started walking down the street of Hogsmeade. “So how is Egypt?” I asked.
He sighed. “Amazing. You should see the things we…”
I somehow found it hard concentrating on what he was saying and suddenly I was just blocking it all out. I nodded and came with small responses once in a while, but otherwise, I let him talk. It was a good thing that he was happy.
“So where should we go?” His words made their way through my barrier and I looked up at him.
“Umm,” I uttered. “The Three Broomsticks?”
“Sure,” he said and dragged me along.
Of course the Three Broomsticks was filled with Hogwarts students. I caught sight of James, Remus and Peter down in a corner with their heads close together. Sirius was missing. I found him only a second later, snogging a brunette at a small table not far away from his friends. And Miranda had said he didn’t have a date. I scowled. I wasn’t jealous. I couldn’t be.
“So what do you want?” Damien asked.
“Just a Butterbeer,” I said with a shrug.
He smiled and got up, kissing my cheek. I blushed. I had truly missed him. While he got the Butterbeers I simply sat and looked out of the window, lost in thoughts. He was back in only a few minutes.
“So,” he said as he sat down. “What have you been up to lately?”
I sighed. “Gotten myself in a hell of a lot of detentions. The new Defense teacher simply hates me.”
He smiled. “I’m sure it’s not your fault.”
“Probably not entirely.”
He put an arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek.

Several hours later, when I said goodbye to Damien, I felt some really strange feelings. Relief, what I had been worried about was now over and I could go back to my everyday workings and not worry about seeing him again until the next Hogsmeade date or Christmas. Sadness, in two different ways; I truly missed him, but I also felt as if something had changed. Of course we were the same people we were months ago, but it just… Wasn’t the same.
I sighed heavily and turned to walk back through Hogsmeade to Hogwarts alone. I hadn’t even seen Miranda and Pandora or Kate. It made me slightly sad.
“Oi, Louisa!”
I spun around at the call of my name and found Kate running towards me. “Hey,” I called as she slowed down next to me. “How did the date go?”
She shrugged. “Okay, I guess. We’ll be meeting tomorrow to do some homework.”
I grinned at her. “Uhh, sounds interesting.”
“I guess it is,” she said. “So what about your date? Did Damien show up?”
“Of course he did,” I muttered.
My eyes flicked past a couple that was talking. On a closer look, I found it was James and Lily, okay not a couple then, two people. I shook my head back to Kate who obviously knew that I needed to say something else.
“We had a great time,” I stated.
She smiled. “That’s good.”
“So a library-date?” I asked with a grin, trying to change the subject as the current one strangely didn’t make my mood any better.
“Aha.” She was nearly bursting with excitement. “Oh, Lisa, I just had the best day in my life!”
She started a long ramble of her great day and I sort of tuned out only responding slightly once in a while when I could put a word in. Kate didn’t seem to notice though, she had had such a great day to let my mood affect her.
We parted at some place on the sixth floor, where she walked towards the Ravenclaw tower and I walked the other way. I slowly returned to reality and concentrated on finding the way to Gryffindor tower.

*

Feedback, por favor (I've just been in Spain! haha).

- Vicki

13 – The Return of the Malaclaw
“… the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be. …”
I was drumming my fingers on the table, humming a Beatles song. My mood was great and I had a feeling it’d be a good day. Maybe it was the thought of November being nearly halfway over, and that meaning Christmas break was in five weeks or something. It was a good feeling.
“Good Morning, Lisa.”
I smiled brightly at Lily as she sat down across from me. Strange. I guess I wasn’t in the mood to hate her today.
“Good morning,” I said and the song faded to just my mind.
“So what are your plans for today?”
What a strange question. I was going to do the same as every other day. School. And it was my last night of detention with James and Sirius. I was free after it.
“Detention,” I simply said.
“Oh,” she muttered. “That’s right. You have one more left.”
“Yep. But it’ll be good. McGonagall will be in charge. Leicester is sick.”
I didn’t mention it was the work of James and Sirius that had caused him to be sick. What Lily didn’t know wouldn’t hurt my brother and his friend.
“Oh.” She looked at her plate. “Sounds great. You’ll survive then.”
“I guess,” I said.
In that second the post came. I looked up and found Damien’s owl as it landed next to me with a letter. I smiled brightly and grabbed it without hesitating.

‘Lisa
Wow. It was great to see you again. Unfortunately I have bad news. I can’t be home for Christmas. My work requires me to be here the whole time in the upcoming months. I know I should have been able to come home, but it’s impossible.
Besides that, I miss you again already and truly hope I’ll be able to see you again. So what are you up to recently?
Damien.’

A loud buzz of silence and emptiness resounded in my head. My thoughts were slow in progress until three words broke through the emptiness. Damien. Christmas. Impossible.
Without thinking about it I crumpled the letter in my hands. I knew it was stupid of me to get mad about such a thing, that he had no power over it, but he could at least have told me he’d tried and tried to get permission to come home.
“Lisa?” Lily’s voice broke through my barrier of anger.
I looked at her. “Yes?” I asked with a surprisingly calm voice.
“What’s wrong?”
I got up without answering her. I had suddenly lost my appetite. I didn’t look at her again before I stomped out of the Great Hall towards the tower.
My anger had not settled down when I burst into the girls’ dorm to find a quill and ink. I grabbed a tiny piece of parchment and violently dipped the quill in some red ink. That would help him understand the meaning of the letter and temper of me.

‘Excuse me!? You won’t be home for Christmas? Damien, I’m sorry, but you have to come home. We can’t make this work if you can’t be home just a little more often. It’s hard as it is when not seeing you for two months straight. I think you should consider what our relationship means to you. I don’t want a relationship with your owl!’

Before I’d regret the words I had written, I attached it to the owl and pushed open the window. It understood. As I watched it fly away, my stomach started to hurt. What had I just done? I slumped down on the floor feeling the tears in my eyes. It was not only anger towards him. It was towards myself, the situation I had placed myself in through the last few weeks and that it seemed as if he didn’t want to help at all.
I sat there for nearly twenty minutes before I angrily got up and grabbed my bag, heading out of the dorm towards Transfiguration. I nearly ran as I knew I was late. As I was nearly at the classroom I was running. Fast. I rounded a corner halfway on my side and burst right into a tall figure. I screamed shortly, and fell backwards. No one caught me as they all say someone does in books, no, I fell and landed on my back and my task split, bottles of ink and parchment flying everywhere.
“Oh, Louie, I’m sorry!” James exclaimed from above.
I looked up and found myself face to face with him and Sirius. I quickly looked down at my stuff and started to gather it. I was not in the mood to talk to any of them.
“It’s okay,” I muttered and grabbed the parchment. “I was late for class.”
“I think one ink bottle got in there,” Sirius said and pointed at a hole in the wall on the ground.
Without thinking, I stuck my left hand in there and searched for it. My hand had been in there for nearly five whole seconds before a sharp pain shot up my whole arm. With a loud shriek and tears whelming up in my eyes, I pulled my hand back. One large round blue mark was forming on the upper side of my hand and into my palm. But I couldn’t keep focusing as the tears blinded me.
“What was that?” James asked and slumped down next to me.
Sirius was down the next second. “Shoot,” he hissed.
I looked at him through my tears. “Shoot what?”
Without answering he grabbed the elbow of my unharmed arm and dragged me up. “James, get her stuff. She needs to go to the hospital wing.”
James didn’t answer.
“Sirius what is it?” I asked.
He laughed bitterly. “Strange you don’t recognize the mark. We’ve worked with it for a whole month.”
I dried my still running eyes and looked down at it. “Dear Lord,” I whispered. “So it didn’t go out to the lake.”
I stumbled up some stairs, but Sirius held me upright and James was right behind me. He was quick to grab my other elbow and look at Sirius.
“What bit her?”
Sirius sighed. “Our runaway Malaclaw.”
James groaned. “And then Louie.” He kicked the door to the Hospital Wing open and called for Madam Pomfrey.
She was out in the matter of seconds. “Louisa!” she exclaimed. “Long time, no see.”
I sighed through the pain. “It’s been three weeks.”
She nodded. “Yeah, a long time. What is it this time?”
“She was bit by a Mackled Malaclaw,” Sirius explained.
She sighed. “And then you of all people, Louisa. Come, place her here.”
I was dragged over to a bed where I sat down. Madam Pomfrey turned and found some pastes in a little closet and turned to put them on me.
“This will only help the pain. I can’t do anything about your luck by now.”
The paste did help. “So I’m unlucky for a week now?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yes.”
James cleared his throat. “Errm, don’t you think you should keep her in here, Madam?” he asked.
“What?” I exclaimed. “No, there’s no reason for that!”
“Hmm,” Madam Pomfrey said with a frown. “That might be a good idea.”
“No, no, no! I won’t stay here! It’s humiliating!”
“Lulu,” Sirius said and looked at me. “Is it really, if it’ll keep you alive?”
“I agree,” James said but talked to Madam Pomfrey. “Just getting her through a normal day alive is a miracle.”
“Oi!”
He turned to me. “Harsh but true.”
I shrugged and turned away cursing in a mumble. Then my eyes caught Sirius’s and I looked at him with sad eyes. He shifted uncomfortably, probably knowing what I was trying to do. Though it worked.
“Prongs, maybe we… Maybe Louisa could live through this week.” He didn’t sound that convinced.
James ruffled his hair, eyeing me. “I’m really not the one to decide it, even though I think it’d be safest for her to be here.” He looked at Madam Pomfrey.
She sighed. “Louisa, I think I’ll keep you here the first few days. As I know the effect will wear off through the week. Maybe in a few days.”
I groaned. “Nooo!”
“It’s for the best.”
“But I’m not ill! Or hurt!”
“But you will be if you aren’t cautious.”
I crossed my arms and sulked. James sent me a careful smile and put an arm around my shoulder. “I promise to come and visit you,” he said.
“Me too,” Sirius said with a smile.
Strangely enough, that made me smile more than the fact that James would be here. I felt bad immediately.
“Louisa, you better go change. You know where it all is.”
“Sure thing,” I muttered and shrugged James’ arm off my shoulder, then moved towards the other end of the room.
I had not walked five steps before my foot was placed wrong on the floor and I wrung my ankle around. I fell to the floor with a gasp and suddenly felt fresh tears in my eyes. James was at my side at once with one hand on my shoulder.
“See,” he sad with a slight smile. “It’s for your own good.”
I grumbled angrily and got up, then limped to the dresser where the clothes were. “You can just go,” I told James and Sirius.
“Are you sure?” Sirius asked.
“Aha,” I sighed. “It’s not like I need your help to undress.”
“Are you sure?” Sirius laughed.
“Padfoot!”
“Sorry,” he muttered, though I could hear the smirk in his voice. “I know she’s your sister and all…”
I was pretty sure that if it even did come down to that, the fact called James wouldn’t stop Sirius, but I didn’t say anything. I just concentrated on opening the dresser without hurting myself.
“So why weren’t you on the way to class?” I asked them.
James shrugged. “It’s healthy to ditch classes once in a while.”
Madam Pomfrey sent him a glare. “I think it’s time for you to leave.”
“But whyyyyyy?” Sirius whined.
“I’ll get so bored I’ll die!” I complained.
“Now!”
Then I was left alone with Madam Pomfrey.
‘Great. So much for a good feeling.’

*

As I sat in my usual bed at the Hospital Wing - Before moving on; yes, I did have a bed that I had chosen to call my own; Chuck, I had named him. As I spend so much time there as I did, which was at least two nights a month, I liked the comfort it gave me to have Chuck. He was nice and soft; my own. And no, I’m not crazy. Anyway… While I sat in Chuck later that day, I had not been hurt a lot. I had nearly chocked on my water while I drank it and I fell on the way to the toilet once. All in all I was proud of myself.
Miranda had come as soon as she could. Sirius had told her about me – (“Oh my Gosh, Lisa! Sirius told me you had been hurt. Sirius did!” ‘Gee.’) – And she came bursting through the doors to visit me. She smashed her bag down at the end of Chuck, causing a spring to loosen and jump right into my left buttock. I sure had another blue mark after that. I smiled and assured her I was okay.
“Are you sure?” she asked with a frown.
I nodded. “Yeah. It’s not the bite that makes me mad right now.”
She smiled slightly. I’ve no idea why, but I didn’t want to tell her about my angry letter to Damien. Maybe it was because I thought it as a case between him and me. Maybe it’d be okay and in his next letter he’d tell me that he would come home for Christmas.
“So you brought any homework?” I asked in a dead voice.
She smiled. “No, from what Sirius told me,” – she said this with a certain excitement – “you’d probably just accidentally prick yourself with the quill and then get poisoned.”
I laughed. “Probably.”
“So how long will you stay?” she asked with a sigh.
“A few days,” I said, my dead voice returning.
She groaned. “Then I’ll be stuck in the dorm with all those girls!”
“Oh, just lean back and have fun with them. You can probably persuade Lily to read some book which is not about some school thing.”
“Great.” She pulled a face. “Just great.”
“So how was Trans?”
“Not fun without you. It seemed like everyone was gone. Sirius and the other Marauders were all ditching class and so was Kate, so that left about ten students back. Really, really boring.”
“I’m sorry. Didn’t you have fun at all?”
“No,” she snorted. “I guess the highlight was when Mary accidentally switched her own clothes with Marcus’. His were way bigger than hers, and let’s just say, that I saw things which will haunt me tonight.”
I laughed. “No way! That’s so Mary!”
“Poor Marcus,” Miranda mumbled. “He looked rather green when McGonagall finally got the clothes switched back.”
I pursed my lips. “I bet Anya won’t be happy about it.”
She snorted. “No, I don’t think so. She’ll be really mad at Mary if he’s not at her full service tonight.”
We both laughed. In that second Madam Pomfrey walked out of her office to tell Miranda that she had to leave. For a better recovery, I would need peace. Miranda got up with a sigh and a gloomy look.
“Have fun,” I called.
“Oh shut up,” she said as she walked out the door.
I laughed, but stopped quickly. It was not even midday and I was bored already. Sourly, I turned to my side and put my head on my pillow, wanting to get some sleep.

Sleep was long on taking me in its wave, but when it finally did I was beyond happy. It didn’t last long, though. Madam Pomfrey woke me up around midday where she served lunch for me. She looked at me the whole time, making sure I did not choke. Which was lucky, actually, I did choke and then she was quick to hit me in the back.
“What are we going to do with Louisa?” she asked with a sigh and a mall smile.
“No idea,” I muttered darkly.
The rest of the day I sat on my bed and stared out the window. Miranda visited me once with Pandora and Kate. But that only lasted for half an hour; they did bring some homework though. With a heavy sigh I did it in the matter of no time and then went back to being bored.
When the night finally did come, I spent about half an hour turning over and over again, restless. I couldn’t sleep, and when I finally did, it too, was a restless sleep. In my sleep I turned over and over again, not at all comfortable even though Chuck was as soft as ever.
I dreamt something was chasing me. A bear or something big. No matter how fast I ran or how many times I changed directions, it would always be right behind me. Just as it took a deadly stroke for me, I woke up with a small shriek and sat up straight, hitting my head hard against something. A person stumbled to the ground, swearing in a male voice.
I fell back in Chuck. “Pink Paper Parade Passes the Puking Pole,” I groaned and rubbed my forehead.
I slowly leaned over the edge. Looking over the edge of Chuck, I found the person lying on the ground with a hand to his head.
“Sirius, what are you doing here?” I hissed.
He groaned and sat up slowly. “Visiting you, what else?”
I looked at the clock on the wall. “It’s half past two!”
Even in the lack of light, I could see him smirking. “So? I was bored and figured you’d be too.”
“I was sleeping.”
“You can sleep when you get old. You don’t have classes in the morning either.” He got up and motioned for me to move over so he could sit on Chuck too.
“No, but you do,” I said as he sat down on the other end.
He sniffed. “So?”
I showed the white of my eyes. “You do know about the thing called an education?”
“Aha,” he said with a shrug. “But I’ve my whole future planned. I don’t need that much education!”
“Of course you don’t,” I said with heavy sarcasm. “We all know that the Mighty Sirius Black doesn’t need anything or anyone.”
“That’s not true,” he muttered. “I do need ‘someone’ as you so nicely refer to my friends.”
“Sorry. So why exactly did you decide to come here?” I asked. Truly, I was glad that he was here, but it felt sort of unrealistic. Did Sirius Black really come to my hospital bed in the middle of the night?
He shrugged and leaned back so his head hung over the edge of Chuck. “I couldn’t sleep. And then I’d say hello to you. You have been given the gift of time when that Malaclaw bit you. I’m helping you use that time by taking time out of my very busy schedule.”
I blushed but hoped he did not see. “Then I thank you very much! I’m very flattered.” I said it all with a certain mock posh, but the words were slightly truer than he’d think.
He chuckled. “We missed you at class today.”
“You skipped it, Miranda said.”
“Yeah, that’s true. But we do have other classes. Like Potions or Care of Magical Creatures.”
“Oh I feel so honored that you missed me,” I grinned.
He caught the sarcasm and smirked back at me. “So what have you been up to?”
“Oh. I’ve been busy being bored. And a little more of that. Then I’ve done nothing, which I’ll be doing again tomorrow because I didn’t quite finish that.”
He suppressed a laugh. “Ahh. You’re a busy woman,” he said amused. “Maybe I have to make an appointment if I want to visit you tomorrow.”
“It is tomorrow.”
“In the day.”
I nodded. “Yeah. That might be necessary.” I pretended to find a notebook and looked through it. “Let’s see... I have the whole day off.”
He chuckled. “I’ll take midday then. I’ve got a spare time then. I’ll bring James.”
“Fantastic.” I ‘wrote’ the appointment down and put away the ‘notebook’. “So will you be in the Great Hall tonight?”
“Tonight?”
“The Dueling Club. It’s Thursday.”
“Oh.” He looked at me for a few seconds and then shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? Now that we don’t have detentions you will be able to do it!”
“I don’t think it’ll be fun.”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s crap. You love fights and dueling.”
He raised an eyebrow. “But you won’t be there. Who can I laugh at then?”
I pursed my lips; I’d rather he didn’t add the last part. “Someone else,” I said. “Peter or Snape. Or someone as clumsy as me.”
“No one is as clumsy as you.”
“Oh, ha, ha!”
He smirked and moved slightly closer to me from the other end of Chuck. “You know I mean it in a good way.”
“As if.”
“Think about it. If you weren’t clumsy and just perfect and never got hurt, how would you identify your own self?”
It irritated me that what he said made sense. “You’re a stupid idiot,” I muttered.
“A cute, stupid idiot.”
“Keep dreaming.”
He laughed silently. “Say what you want, but I’ve figured you out.”
“Oh, you have, have you?” I asked, trying to raise an eyebrow, though I ended with raising both.
“Aha,” he said nonchalantly and rolled onto his back.
“Then what is it?”
He studied his fingers to give his cool attitude the last touch. “You like me. You actually like me so much you’d be very sad if I suddenly wasn’t around you anymore.”
His words took me by surprise. According to me, that wasn’t true. I only crushed him mildly. I didn’t like him. I uttered a slightly late snort.
“No, I don’t like you.”
“Yes, you do.”
I sighed. “Okay. Listen Sirius Slack-Whack, I don’t like you. Yes, I consider you my friend, and I like you as my friend, but nothing more. I’m sorry.”
He sat up abruptly and eyed me through the darkness. “I didn’t say that. I just said you liked me. You just assumed I meant in a more-than-friends-way.”
I blushed. ‘Shoot! How stupid are you exactly, Lisa?’
Glad it was dark, I moved slightly towards the end of Chuck on which Sirius did not sit. “I just know you,” I muttered after a few seconds.
He smiled. “Yeah. And what’s up with the nickname by the way?”
I shrugged. “Thought it suited you.”
He stuck out his tongue. “Calling people nicknames, how old are you?”
“You’re the one sticking out your tongue!”
“You’re evil!”
“So are you, Black. It fits you. Black name, black heart.”
He stopped smiling. “You do know that’s not funny, right?”
I clasped both of my hands over my mouth and leaned towards him. “Oh, I’m sorry, Sirius! I didn’t mean to offend you!”
He raised a hand. “‘Tis okay. You know I don’t consider myself a Black. I’m Potter all the way through.”
Glad that he didn’t get mad, I laughed silently. “Maybe you consider yourself as one, but technically you’re not.”
He raised an eyebrow. “We could just get married you know. Take your surname.”
Yet again, I blushed. “Umm, you might forget the element called Damien?”
He snorted softly. “Ts! I give it two weeks.”
“Excuse me?” I was shocked.
“Oh come on, Lulu,” he said, sounding mildly irritated. “Do you honestly think it’s working out just perfect for the two of you? He barely writes to you and when he does, you get sad because it’s not enough. And it didn’t seem as if you had a lot of fun at Hogsmeade.”
I clenched my jaw. “Get out!”
He looked up. “What?”
“Get out,” I repeated calmly, “and don’t come back.”
“No.” He shook his head. “Lulu, I’m sorr-”
“GET THE HELL OUT!” I yelled.
His eyes widened and turned to Madam Pomfrey’s office. I had woken her up. He jumped off Chuck and looked at me.
“Lulu, I’m sorry,” he muttered before he ran out.
As the door closed behind him, Madam Pomfrey entered from her office. “I thought I heard you Louisa, are you okay?”
I nodded, mumbling, “Nightmare.”
“Are you all right? Breathing as you should?”
I took a deep breath. “Yeah, I am.”
‘But oh boy, am I mad!’
She slowly stroked my cheek and patted me on the head. “Go back to sleep.”
I nodded and pushed myself down under the duvet, where I, mad as I was, tried to go back to sleep.

*

When I woke up the next morning to the hooting of an owl, one note and an owl with a note on its leg lay at my table next to Chuck. Rubbing my eyes and looking out of the window, I came to the conclusion that it was midday. With a yawn, I grabbed the first note, the one without an owl. The handwriting was not familiar so I opened it.

‘Lulu! I’m sorry! Please forgive me! I didn’t mean it, I just spoke from my heart-’

Sirius had written about ten lines more, but I crumbled the paper before I read anymore. I didn’t want to read his crap of how sorry he was. If he wanted to say sorry, he could come here, telling it to me in person. It was not something he could solve with a simple note. It was too unforgivable for that. Calming myself down, I grabbed the note from the owl. It was Damien’s handwriting on the first page.

‘I’m so sorry Louisa. I wish I would have more time for you, I truly do, but… Okay, maybe this isn’t working. Maybe… Louisa, I think we should put this relationship on stand-by. I have my work to concentrate on, and you have your studies. Maybe we both need time to think, to enjoy our time away form each other and concentrate on our futures.’

My teeth snapped so hard together it hurt. With my anger, once again right under my skin, I jumped out of Chuck, nearly falling and stalked around to find a quill and ink. I found in on a small table in the corner. I spun around and walked back towards Chuck. Angry as I was, I twisted my ankle and fell to the floor, with a shriek.
With sobs building up in my chest and tears behind my lids I started to write back, right where I sat. I simply turned the paper and wrote on the backside.

‘I’m sorry. But I don’t want a ‘stand-by-relationship’! That’s seriously stupid! Damien, I think it’s all or nothing. Sorry.’

“You!” I hissed at the owl. “Come here!”
As if understanding me, it flew right to me and stretched out its leg. I attached the letter and it flew away. Then my tears ran freely. I put my face in my hands and sobbed uncontrollably. Why was everything going down at the moment?
I couldn’t handle it. Damien and I were on the way to a break-up. I knew it, I could feel it. I couldn’t help but notice the irony in it. I was mad at Sirius because he’d seen it. I wanted to be mad at him, but somehow it made me sad that I was. And in some place inside of me I didn’t want to be mad at him. I was one big mess.
It was like whenever everything I had was like a paradise, I found some way to screw it up. To get kicked out and ruin it all. It wasn’t fair, or the way things should be. Didn’t I deserve some happiness at least?
That’s when Madam Pomfrey found me. “Oh dear,” she muttered. “What happened?”
I pointed at my foot. “Twisted it.” It was only halfway true, so I wasn’t lying entirely.
She sighed and grabbed my arm. “I guess it’s a good thing you spend some time in here,” she said. “Think of all the things that would happen if you walked through the corridors filled with dangerous staircases and armors.”
‘It seems as if bad things tend to find me.’
“Yeah,” I muttered. “Fantastic.”
She helped me up to the bed and conjured some ice for my foot. “The swelling will have to go away the natural way,” she said. “I think that’s the best thing.”
I muttered a dark answer back and then leaned back, about to be miserable again.

Miranda only visited me once that day along with Pandora. Kate was busy with Rob. I told them shortly about my letters with Damien, but didn’t go into detail about how things were. Then James stopped by, but only for a second. He’d promised Lily to meet her at the library to do some studying (Why she had agreed to that, I have to idea). He didn’t mention Sirius; I guess he did not know that Sirius had snuck out in the middle of the night to visit me.

The next morning, two new letters lay on my nightstand for me. I crumbled the first one as soon as I recognized Sirius’ handwriting, but stopped as I grabbed the other one. This was from Damien, but his owl had flown away this time. I took a deep breath, would I even want to open it? With a fast beating heart I tore it open and red.

‘I guess… Wow. I guess you’re right. A ‘stand-by-relationship’ is stupid. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you when it was important for you. You know I would have loved to. I love you. Much more than you think. But you’re right. I guess it’s nothing then.’

*

Uuuh! What is going to happen now? Leave feedback and make me smile!

- Vicki

14 – Time
I was discharged from the Hospital Wing on Sunday evening. My mood was light. Though I was still sad about having lost Damien, I felt guilty. But only because I didn’t feel sad enough. It was rather stupid actually. But hadn’t our relationship bothered me from the very beginning of the year? Hadn’t it made me miserable and sad? Hadn’t it been the reason for the irritated feeling I had every time I did not see his owl with a letter? Yes, maybe it was a good thing it was over.
Then there was the element Sirius Black. He had respected my last wish; that he stayed out and didn’t come back. I hadn’t seen him since. Though I had woken each morning with a new note from him, I hadn’t read a single one of them. He’d have to suffer. James had asked me if I knew what was wrong with him. He didn’t seem like his usual self. It hit me, but I assured myself it wasn’t because of me that he was sad. After all, he had started it.
“Lisa!” Miranda jumped up from her chair as soon as she saw me. “Merlin, I’m glad to see you again.”
I grabbed her in a hug. “I’m glad to be free again,” I said.
As I looked over her shoulder, a pair of grey eyes caught mine from the other end of the Common Room. I looked away quickly. He looked too sad, sitting there along with James and the others, and I was sure if I kept having eye contact I’d probably break down crying at once.
“So, how are you?” she asked anxiously.
I sighed. I had only told Miranda about the break-up. She’d promised not to tell anyone before I wanted people to know. It felt kind of childish actually.
I nodded. “Been better,” I muttered. I could feel his eyes still on me, but still didn’t look towards him. “But I think things might get easier from now on.”
She smiled and hugged me again. “I’m so glad to have you back!”
“And I’m so glad to be back.”
“So, do you want to do something now?”
I frowned. “Not anything too wild. There’s still three days to go.”
“Oh, that’s right. Homework then?”
“Sure,” I said with a smile.
She grinned. “I’ll just go get the things. You stay. You could fall at the staircase or something.”
“Fine,” I sighed.
As she turned around, I slumped down in a leaning chair, closing my eyes. How I enjoyed being free again, but what would happen now? Would Sirius try to talk to me? Or wouldn’t he? How would I react if he did?
“Lulu.”
‘How ironical.’
My eyes shot open and found his only inches away. With a growl I placed both hands on his chest and pushed him away.
“Louisa, please!” he pleaded. “Just listen to me!”
I got up and stared at him. “No, I won’t! You were an idiot, and now you’re dealing with the consequences! Go to hell!” I hissed at last.
Then I pushed him out of the way and rushed towards the staircase to the girls’ dorm. He didn’t call me back. I guess it was because of James that he didn’t want to make a scene.
I met Miranda halfway up the staircase. “Aren’t we going to sit down there?” she asked me.
“No,” I growled.
“But Lily’s up there,” she whispered.
“I’ll take the dorm as it is. With or without the witch.”
She snorted softly. “Then come on. What’s bothering you?”
Should I tell her? Really, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Of course it would be if I told her when, how and where Sirius and I had had a fight. At three in the morning, alone, in a bed at the Hospital Wing. It was a total betrayal. Like backstabbing her. I felt worse now.
“Nothing special,” I muttered at last.
She smiled at me and I followed her into the dorm. Lily sat on her own bed, drawing, I think. She looked troubled and it didn’t suit her. Miranda looked shortly at me and shrugged. We sat down on my bed and went to work at once.
And that’s pretty much how I spent my first night with freedom, doing homework.

Glad it was Monday, I woke up way too early the next day. Only Lily – the greatest morning freak to walk the Earth – was up before me. Her mood had changed drastically from the night before and she was walking around whistling.
“Morning Lisa!” she said cheerily.
“M-m-morning,” I yawned.
“What a great day it is today! Don’t you think?” she asked, smiling.
Would the good mood ever run out? I looked out of the window. The sun was shining.
“Yeah. It truly is.”
“So aren’t you happy now that you can go to class again?”
My enthusiasm was not nearly as high as hers. “Oh yeah. Really glad.”
She didn’t seem to notice my lack of desire to talk to her. “Personally I’d have gone mad if I was to live without lessons for that long time!”
‘How do you do in the summer breaks then?’ I didn’t say it out loud. Instead I just nodded.
“I’m off to take a shower.”
I took a long time in the shower, just trying not to meet Lily again when I was done. Half an hour later, I stepped out, wrapped a towel around me and combed my hair. Not really in the mood to do anything else, I got dressed and headed out of the dorm as quickly as possible. Lily was still there. The corridors towards the Great Hall were empty. Yet I felt watched.
I turned a few corners quickly, just to be sure. I was probably just paranoid. I stopped in front of a staircase. Just that second, a loud noise was heard from the top of it. I looked up to see something big and brown come flying down the stairs towards me. My eyes widened. I was paralyzed, yet still sure that it’d actually hit me. I couldn’t get my legs to move.
“Louisa, watch out!” someone cried, but I still didn’t move.
In the next second something burst into me, knocking me out of the way and onto the floor. I landed on my back, the person on top of me. Then, a loud crash was heard from where I had just been standing.
“Lulu, are you okay?”
With a low groan I opened my eyes and looked at Sirius. He was barely centimeters away from me, looking at me with concern, almost as if about to cry. Of course he didn’t, Sirius wasn’t the guy who’d cry over something as silly as crashing pianos that almost kill girls. He was the guy who’d save them.
“Lulu?”
I shook myself back. “Yeah,” I whispered. “I’m fine.”
He smiled carefully and sighed in relief. I could feel his breath on my face. It was a beautiful smile. How could I even be mad at that face? It was like the face of an angel. Of course I knew he wasn’t. But the keyword suddenly returned to me. Mad. With a low growl I placed two hands on his chest and pushed him violently off me.
“Move.”
He swore mildly. “Louisa, won’t you please listen to my apology? I know it was wrong and all, but please, please-”
“Save it!” I hissed. “Sirius, you screwed up. Let me at least be mad at you without you trying to apologize!”
“But I know it was wrong, can’t you just forgive me?”
I rolled my eyes and got up. “Maybe later. I think it’s healthy to have someone mad at you.”
“Will you ever forgive me?” he asked and got up too.
I sighed. How could I even be mad at him? He had been right, after all. “Probably,” I muttered and turned. “But don’t play your field too much!”
He smiled slightly. “I’ll be waiting.”
“Whatever,” I said and showed the white of my eyes. Then I walked away.
When I actually sat down at the Great Hall alone, I got mad at myself. Why couldn’t I stay mad at him? Why did I have to be so forgiving? I, of course, already knew that answer. When I was mad at people I cared about – like mad for no real serious reason – I couldn’t stay mad at them. It was like they had some sort of power over me. No matter how hard I ever tried, if they apologized, they were forgiven; but I wanted to stay mad, to make people realize they’d done something wrong. I wanted them to feel that they’d hurt me. Even if it was something silly. It was stupid, really, and childish.
I slammed my knife hard into the plate. My hand slipped from the knife as the plate cracked. My hand landed in the middle of the broken pieces. And then there was blood.
“Shoot,” I muttered, grabbing a napkin to dry it away. It wasn’t very bad.
“Morning!”
My head shot up and my eyes met with Pandora’s. “Good morning.”
“I heard you were discharged,” she said with a smile and sat down.
“Yeah,” I said with a sigh. “It’s really nice to be out again.
“But I think it was too early.” She eyed my hand.
I shrugged and dried the hand free from blood. “It’s the usual.”
She laughed softly and grabbed a piece of bread. “Then you just have to try and not blow up anything in Trans.”
“I’ll do my best,” I said with a grin.
“Why are you up so early by the way?”
I raised both my eyebrows. “I’ve spent the last four days sleeping. I can stay awake for the next week or something.”
She laughed again. “Lessons have been so boring without you. No one has got hurt at all.”
“Oh, I see why you need me,” I said bitterly.
“We need you more than you think, Louisa,” she said and sent me a smile. “You just have to realize it.”
I stuck out my tongue at her as I grabbed another plate. My hand was still bleeding slightly, but it wasn’t serious.
“I think it’s all rather stupid,” I muttered and placed my head in my not bleeding hand. “As if I can’t live through an entire week with more accidents than usual.”
“But you hurt yourself only by getting out of bed at the Hospital Wing.”
I grunted an answer that even I didn’t know what was and began eating without a word. A flash of the flying piano came to my mind. Then the image of Sirius interrupted it. I stuffed some more food in my mouth, trying to think of something else. I got it immediately while I nearly chocked and ended up spitting it all out on the plate. Pandora eyed me with a slightly disgusted face.
“You sure you shouldn’t go readmit yourself into the Hospital Wing?”
“No chance in hell,” I said. “It’s too much fun to be out already.”
A voice spoke from behind me. “Really?” James slid down next to me. “Cause I’ve heard you nearly got killed this morning by a flying piano.”
“Talked to Sirius, have you?” I asked. I did not let it show that Sirius and I weren’t exactly speaking to each other, neither did Sirius, apparently.
“Yep. He said Peeves had fun throwing around big things. What happened to the plate?” He nodded at the broken plate next to me.
“Knife accident,” I muttered.
He grabbed my hand where the little wound had barely stopped bleeding. “You really should listen to Pandora.”
Pandora smiled. “I’m right, right James? It’s really not safe to have her going around alone in the castle. Not now, not ever.”
“Hmm.” He frowned. “I’ll have someone escorting you to classes.”
“What?” I exclaimed. “No, James that’s not necessary! I don’t need a babysitter!”
“Not necessary?” he repeated. “You nearly got killed just fifteen minutes ago. And crashed a plate, hurting yourself. I’ll go with you to Transfiguration. Then I’ll have someone else going with you to Charms as we don’t have that one together. I’ll talk to Sirius.”
“No!” I nearly shouted. The other two eyed me. “Well, why not someone else? Like Pandora, Miranda or-?”
“Why ain’t Sirius good enough? Remus then?”
“I’ll take Remus,” I muttered darkly; I was never going to win anyways. “Then I won’t have to worry that suddenly my bodyguard stands around some corner a long way from me, snogging some random girl.”
Pandora snickered and James looked only very mildly irritated. “I’d have preferred Sirius as he’s my right hand all over, but Remus is just as good at this point. He’ll be perfect too.”
He made it sound as if they usually walked around and protected accident-followed unlucky girls. I snickered at my own thought.
As if commanded by James Potter, Marauder and Head Boy, his sister, Louisa Potter, Very Clumsy Girl and Queen of Accidents (‘Okay, talking about myself in third person again, not good.’) was followed to Charms by Remus Lupin, Marauder and Prefect.
It really felt like that while Remus walked by my side towards Charms. Stupid, it was. Sirius walked a few meters behind us, not talking, but I could feel his gaze on the back of my head.
“So, are you coming to watch the match on Saturday?” Remus asked lightly, wand at the ready.
I shrugged. “I guess. Is it the first match of the year?”
“Yeah. Gryffindor – Slytherin!”
“Oh yeah, one you have to see. I’ll be there, I think.”
He smiled and the conversion kind of ended there. But it was a nice silence that followed. The good thing about Remus was that one didn’t have to have a conversation with him. Silence was comforting. It was good. But I could still feel Sirius’ gaze on the back of my head and it made me sort of uncomfortable. I thought too much of how I walked and in which way my arms hung down at my sides. How did my hair look from behind?
I stopped in front of the door to the girls’ bathroom. “Do you mind giving me a minute?” I asked and he nodded. “You can just continue. It’s just around the next corner.”
He looked uncomfortable. “I told James I wouldn’t leave you.”
I rolled my eyes. “I think I’ll survive turning one corner.”
“I guess you’re right,” he said with a smile. “I’ll see you at class.”
I hurried inside and stopped. I leaned against the wall and breathed out loud. Merlin! Why was all this Sirius stuff giving me such problems! It was all so freaking stupid. I banged my head against the wall.
I waited a few minutes before opening the door with a sigh, and walking out again, then I stopped dead. Of course he was waiting for me. I sighed deeply.
“You just can’t leave me alone, can you?”
He smiled softly. “Louisa, I just want you to forgive me.”
I started walking without a word. He followed. I couldn’t answer him. If I tried to explain it all it would come out as a lot of random words even I would have a hard time putting into meaningful sentences. Because he had been right. That showed that he’d seen right through my ‘act’, which had to mean that he knew me better than a lot of people. And that scared me. And how was this all possible? How could Sirius Black get through that wall in the matter of months? It took Miranda several years to get through that wall, and that was only because our mothers were such great friends and we spent all our time together since we were five. Only years later we decided to call each other best friends. Yet, Miranda had not been able to see my cracking relationship to Damien. She had been slightly shocked when I told her. But could I blame her? I had been good at hiding my feelings, or so I had thought. Sirius had been different. He’d seen.
I sighed. “Time, Sirius. I told you. Time.”
He laughed softly. “You’re just so stubborn. I really don’t get you at the moment. I’ve told you I was sorry and all that.”
‘Of course you don’t get me,’ I thought. ‘I never told you we actually did break up.’
I was glad I didn’t say that out loud. “And if you had just listened, you’d have been forgiven earlier.” I didn’t even understand myself at the moment.
With those words I pushed the door into the Charms classroom open and walked inside and sat down next to Pandora. I think I looked rather nervous because she looked at me carefully and then sent me a smile.
“You’ll get through this, Lisa,” she said. “You got through the whole Trans class alive.”
“Hip, hip Hurray,” I muttered darkly.

*

As I sat at lunch, a late owl arrived. It was addressed to both me and James from our mother. I frowned in confusion; normally the owl arrived along with the other owls in the morning. My frown didn’t ease up as I opened the letter.

‘Louisa and James,
Thanks for the last letter, to both of you. Louisa, both your father and I are very sorry to hear about Damien. Are you all right? And James, please stay out of further trouble. One owl from Dumbledore a year is enough, but two?! Please behave.
But I’m writing because I wanted to let you know that Grandma Judy now officially has moved in with us. She couldn’t really take care of herself and her own house without Harry, and we didn’t want to send her elsewhere. She’s not well, so it’s the best to do.
Love, mum and dad.’

My mood didn’t lighten up. With a heavy sigh I called for James who sat nearly at the other end of the table. He got up and walked to me without a word.
“Yeah?”
“Letter,” I muttered and gave him the letter.
He looked curiously at me and walked back, reading the letter.
Why was my life so crappy lately?

*

Feedback, thanks

- Vicki

Hey!
Glad to see you’ve made it to the 15th chapter. First, I’d like to take half a minute, dedicating this chapter to my wonderful beta through more than a year, Anita! Thank you. Unfortunately she can’t help me anymore, betaing, so I’m looking for a new one. If you’re interested send me a PM, the only demand I have is that when you go through my writing, it’ll be in British English. Thanks!
Chapter title is from the song of same name. Read now

15 – I Want What She’s Got
The rest of the week passed rather uneventfully. I only had to go to the Hospital Wing once because a bookshelf tumbled down on top of me. I broke my arm. So on Saturday, a little past three, I sat next to Miranda on the stands at the Quidditch pitch, wearing a red and gold scarf, cheering on the Gryffindor players along with all the other Gryffindors.
“Look!” Miranda suddenly yelled.
I got up. “It’s the Snitch!”
It seemed as if everyone now had spotted the two Seekers and the Snitch. The Slytherin Seeker was ahead for a foot or two, but the Gryffindor Seeker was getting closer. A few violent pushes later, the Gryffindor Seeker caught the snitch.
I jumped up and down and hugged Miranda. Gryffindor had won 210-70. They’d played an amazing match and James had promised his team a huge party in the Common Room if they won. Ergo, there would be an amazing party in the Common Room.
“Come!” Miranda shouted into my ear. “Sirius told me it’d begin right away.”
“Oh, right,” I said, and slowly we began to move away from the tribune alone with the other Gryffindors.

That’s why two hours later I sat in front of the fire in the Common Room with a half empty glass of fire whiskey in my hand. Though, I hadn’t taken one sip of it. I did not drink alcohol often and when I did, I drank very little. It made people do stupid things and regret them later. I was in a place in my life where I did not need to do any other stupid things. Besides that, if I wanted to have fun, I could do so without drinking.
Sirius had tried to talk to me about four times, but he’d been unsuccessful. So now he was talking to Sabina Young.
‘Stupid blond fifth year.’
I was not jealous. I did not get jealous. Jealousy was a stupid thing. Only bad people did feel jealousy. I was not a bad person. I was not a bad person. Really. End of discussion.
My head started to hurt as Miranda sat down next to me. “Hi, Lisa,” she said lightly.
“Hey,” I grunted back.
“What’s up with your mood?”
I shrugged. “No idea. I’m not really into partying at the moment.”
“Ahh,” she muttered. Her eyes landed shortly on Sirius. “She’s so cheap.”
I laughed darkly. “Couldn’t be more true.”
“Do you think I could ever get Sirius?”
“Err…” I hesitated, but then smiled. “I’m sure, Ranner. Just go talk to him. I’m sure you can do it. Just get over your fright.”
‘Why are you giving her advice, idiot?’ my mind asked me as if I truly was an idiot.
‘Because I know she won’t ever do something about it.’
‘Are you sure?’
Pause. ‘Yes. And Sirius doesn’t even like her.’
‘Are you sure?’
Longer pause. ‘Yes.’
‘How can you know?’
Really long pause. ‘I don’t know! Leave me alone!’
‘I’m you.’
‘Shut up!’
‘You shut up!’
‘I hate you.’
‘You hate yourself.’
It took me way too long to realize I was having a stupid and very pointless mental discussion with my own self. I snapped back to reality as Miranda poked me in the side. “Look! He’s leaving her. Should I go talk to him now?”
“Sure,” I groaned and got up. “I’ll be in the dorm. I need peace.”
She mumbled something I didn’t hear, but I ignored it and continued. I wasn’t really in the mood to party. It seemed wrong to me at the time.
Letting my energy rush out of my body, I fell back first onto my bed with a loud sigh.
“Not fond of the party either?”
Lily’s voice startled me and I sat up at once, my eyes on her. I shook my head. “No, not really.”
She smiled and laid down her book. “I guess we’re both stuck up here then.”
“I don’t intend to stay up here the whole evening,” I muttered, trying not to sound mean.
“Neither do I,” she said. Her voice was too kind.
I leaned back again without saying anything. I suppose she started reading again because she didn’t speak another word. It was funny, really. Maybe she’d finally understood that I really hated talking to her. Maybe she’d finally seen the light. I snorted loudly. A couple of seconds passed. Then-
“What?”
I lifted my head just enough to see Lily. “Umm…” I trailed off. “I just imagined Hogwarts getting blown up.”
She frowned, but a smile formed on her lips. “That’s not a nice thought.”
“I know,” I said and leaned my head back again. “But hell, did it look great in my head.”
“Sure,” she said with a laugh. “So, is there a lot of trouble down there that the Head Girl needs to take care of?”
“Naah. James is doing fine…”
“I’m sure he is.”
I smiled. “They know what they’re doing, those Marauders.”
She sighed. “They truly do. But now we’ll see how this whole party turns out.”
We were both quiet for a couple of minutes. Then the funniest thing happened. Well, it wasn’t funny, it was more like strange. I was the one who did it, but I don’t know why. I asked Lily Evans a question about something that was so unnecessary, and I couldn’t use the information for anything. Usually I only talked to Lily if I really, really had to. This was different.
“What are you reading?”
She looked up at me mildly surprised. “Umm… Just some Muggle book. You wouldn’t know of it.”
And it continued.
“Is it any good?”
“It’s my favorite,” she said and smiled brightly. “It’s about this guy and this girl-”
“Don’t need details,” I said quickly. When Lily first got started, there was no way of stopping her.
She smiled. “You should read it sometime.”
“Sure thing,” I said and closed my eyes.
I heard she closed the book and slowly got up from her bed. A few steps were heard and then she sat down on my bed. I looked at her. She looked at me, concerned.
“Lisa, is anything wrong?” she asked straight out.
I slowly sat up. “No, why?”
She shrugged. “You seem so… Beside your usual self. The happy and smiling Lisa who would be at the party, having fun. It’s so unlike you to sit up here while a party is taking place
“Yeah, I know,” I said with a slight smile.
“So…?” She looked at me, puzzled. “You’re sure you’re all right?”
I sighed. What would happen if I told her? How would the Lily Evans I knew react to the news of a broken relationship?
‘Well, there’s only one way to find out.’ My mind had already decided it before I had.
“Damien and I broke up,” I muttered.
She didn’t gasp or say ‘Oh, Merlin, I’m so sorry,’ or get worked up. She reacted slightly different from what I had gotten from my closest friends. She sighed, looking at me.
“Is that so?”
“Yeah.” I nodded.
“I guess all good things come to an end,” she muttered and put a hand on my shoulder.
“I’m not that sad,” I grumbled. “It’s more the thought.”
“Ahh. But look at it from the bright side! You can think of other guys again! Or you can have crushes! There’s nothing better than a crush!”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I muttered, thinking of the black-haired guy in the common room.
“Come on, Lisa!” she said enthusiastically. “Be positive! Your whole life has barely started and the best is yet to come! You’ll find someone better!”
I looked up at her. She actually was right. Maybe it was time to find out how much of a crush this was. Maybe it was time to just get it over with so I could move on and not think of what could have been. It was all so stupid, really. I knew I couldn’t ever have a lasting relationship with Sirius. I mean, look at his record. But why not give it a shot? Enjoy being single again? Worry about James and other people afterwards? Being reckless!
Lily seemed to have read my expression. “Come,” she said and got up. “We’ll get down and have some fun.”
Only slightly unwilling, I got up and followed her. She grabbed my wrist and dragged me downstairs. I stopped at the bottom of the staircase, looking for him or Miranda. I could always start out easily.
That’s when my heart stopped. I found them together, but much, much closer than I’d like. Miranda’s hands were entangled in Sirius’s hair and his hands were on her waist pressing her closer. And their lips were locked in a heavy snog.
This hurt more than it should.
I quickly blinked the tears that had been forming, away. My arms slowly slid around my torso as I watched it continue. It shouldn’t feel like this. It shouldn’t hurt like this.
I felt betrayed. Betrayed by two of my best friends. But did I have the right to feel like that? Had I ever asked Sirius to return my feelings? Had I ever told Miranda how I felt? No, I hadn’t. So what could I have been expecting? Not this at least, Sirius had never shown any special interest in Miranda. At least not more than he showed in every girl.
They broke apart. Sirius’s eyes looked away from her and searched the room for a short second and then met mine. I could not read his gaze as I usually could, but it only lingered on me for a second before he looked back at her, smiling, and they went back to work.
The tears once again threatened to overwhelm my eyes, but I quickly pulled myself together. I was acting so childishly. I had never asked them not to snog each other, but I had just thought them as unlikely to do it. I had been too sure.
“Um, Lisa?” Lily’s voice brought me back from my train of thoughts, but I couldn’t drag my eyes away. Then she laid her hand on my arm and I looked at her. “Is anything wrong?”
I faked a smiled. “I was just caught by surprise,” I muttered.
She looked towards the corner with the couple. “Ahh. So Miranda got through to him.”
“What?” I asked and looked at her.
“Well.” She shrugged. “She’s had a crush on him for years, right?”
“Um, yeah.”
“Hey, Louie!”
Both Lily and I spun around to face James who was fighting his way through the crowd. He stopped in front of me, panting.
“Yeah, what?” I asked, only mildly irritated.
“Have you seen Sirius?” he asked. “I can’t find him anywhere.”
“Oh, we’ve seen him,” Lily muttered darkly. “Snogging the face off Miranda over there.”
James turned and looked at them. He groaned, “Oh, no, not again.”
“Not again?” Lily repeated.
He looked at her. “Now he has to go through that entire awful embarrassing post-break-up thing once more.”
“Ahh,” I said, finding myself wishing it was soon.
“Strange,” he muttered. It sounded as if he was talking to himself. “I never knew he wanted to do her.”
“Nor did I,” Lily said.
I noticed she didn’t seem as repelled as she used to by James’s choice of words. Instead, she just looked at Miranda and Sirius with mild interest.
“Umm. I’ll be going,” I muttered and pushed past James.
“Sure,” he said bewildered, but why should he complain? I had just left him alone with Lily.
I pushed past a couple of chatting fifth years just to bump into a tall guy. He turned around.
“Oh, hi Remus,” I said.
He smiled. “Hey. Where’re you going on such a hurry?”
I shrugged. “Away. I’m not really in the great party-wuhu-mood.”
“Oh…” He smiled at me. “Neither am I. I guess it’s only the fewest who are. Just look around.”
I did. A few other people had their heads hanging just like me. Sabina Young was throwing mental daggers at Miranda, who like Sirius, seemed to enjoy the party very much. I looked back at Remus.
“Would you believe me if I said I hate it all at the moment?”
“Why is that?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just very depressed at the moment. I think I’ll be going back to the dorm.”
He just nodded and I rushed away.
I closed the door behind me in the dorm and leaned against it, finally letting the tears flow. But why I was crying was a great mystery to me. How could I have let it come this far? Tears. They made me shudder. After all, I was only crushing on Sirius. I didn’t like him that much. Did I? My reactions to what I had just seen in the Common Room made me question my own statements. I was a fool, really. An idiot like every other girl who had fallen in love with Sirius. No, I was a bigger fool. I had fallen in love with my brother’s best friend even though I knew how he was. Even though I knew how he took advantage of girls. Miranda was truly my best friend, but I suddenly found myself wishing that Sirius didn’t really like her and he’d break up with her as soon as possible. I was a bad person. I love Miranda as if she were my sister, but now… I had let a boy affect the way I looked at her. I was a bad person.

*

I had gone early to bed. I didn’t want to meet Miranda when she came up. It’d probably be late too. But that resulted in me getting up early. The sun hadn’t even risen when I got out of bed. With a quick glance at Miranda, I hurried into the shower. My usual half hour wasn’t even enough, but I had to go out sooner or later. Otherwise I’d have the other girls at my neck for using all the water.
Lily was up already. Of course. She was waiting for me to finish.
“Oh, sorry I took so long,” I muttered.
She smiled. “It’s okay.”
“Room for you now.”
I walked past her, grabbed my clothes and got dressed. After a quick look in the mirror I found out that I actually didn’t care how I looked. It didn’t make any difference now. I wrote a note to Miranda, telling her I was in the library, (‘Like she’ll care now that she has Sirius’). Then I grabbed my books and nearly ran out of the dorm.
The library was quiet at this time of the day, or morning might be a more appropriate word. Only two second or third years sat at a table far away from the one I seated at. It was the table Sirius and I had used through our project. I smiled slightly as I found my books. Normally I hated doing homework, but today I just needed to think of something else, therefore I found it easy.
Several hours later, Miranda showed up, with flushed cheeks and a smile upon her lips. “Hi,” she said breathlessly as she sat down next to me.
I looked up. “Hey.”
She smiled even wider.
“So…” I said, packing away my books. “I guess you had a fun time last night?”
“Oh, Lisa, you can’t imagine!” she exclaimed. I got the feeling that she was nearly jumping out of her seat from the excitement. “Sirius actually came to me, wanting to talk to me… And all of a sudden… He kissed me!”
I fought to pull a smile. “That’s great, Ranner. That’s really, really great.”
She sighed. “And Merlin, he’s an amazing kisser. Just the way-”
“Ah!” I exclaimed. “I don’t need details.”
“Sorry,” she said and blushed.
I smiled yet again. I was surprised how easily it came to me. “It’s okay to be happy. And I guess you are now…”
“You have no idea, Lisa,” she said with a sigh.
My smile hardened slightly. “I guess not. So, are you together now or what?”
She shrugged. “We’ve not talked just yet… But I think so.”
There were a couple of minutes of silence, Miranda dreaming and me wondering if I could escape the library soon and go to the dorm. I sighed.
“I truly am happy for you, Ranner.” It was not an entire lie, I was happy that she was happy. But at the same time I wished it was me.
She smiled. “Thanks, Lisa. It means a lot to me.”
“Sure…” I muttered.
I was about to continue, but the person walking into the library caught my attention. I didn’t want to talk to him. Not just yet. I looked back at Miranda and got up.
“Here comes Prince Charming,” I grinned. “I’ll just leave you two alone.”
She smiled brightly. “Thanks. See you later.”
I grabbed my books and walked away. When I passed Sirius on the way out, I sent him a gaze that I hoped told him that I still hadn’t forgiven him for the encounter in the Hospital Wing. His gaze was filled with something that I could not read. But I did not like it. It seemed uncaring, yet caring and filled with superiority. I hated him for that.

And that was pretty much all I saw of Sirius for the rest of that weekend. At least I didn’t meet him somewhere where he could confront me and ask if I could forgive him. But it started tiring me. I hated to admit it to myself, but I missed Sirius. I missed laughing at him, with him. I missed talking to him. I missed the new Sirius who I had seen this whole year so far. I truly missed him and it tore me apart.
As Wednesday started I felt more alone than ever. Miranda was spending all of her time with Sirius, Kate with Rob, so that left Pandora and me with each other. Not that I could complain about that, Pandora was the girl that I liked the most when I was down or not my usual self. She’d talk to me and understand me, but not take sides if I wasn’t speaking to someone. She was the good one of us all. Always forgiving.
But when Care of Magical Creatures started I realized I had to talk to Sirius. Today. He wasn’t there and we got our reports back. Kettleburn told me to show Sirius the report too. So it was with a heavy heart that I walked back to the castle. I asked James if he knew where I could find Sirius. He told me Sirius had taken a day off to stay in bed and probably catch up with some of the essays he was behind.
So boys’ dorm it was.

Taking a deep breath, I raised my hand. I had already been standing here for about ten minutes, not wanting to go inside, yet burning to actually do it. Before I changed my mind once again, I lightly knocked on the door.
No one answered. I tried once more, but had the same result. Then I slowly placed my hands on the door and pushed it open. The dorm was empty. My heart skipped a beat. But that meant Sirius was somewhere else. If he tried to do homework, he might be at the library. I turned around.
He was at the library. At the table where we used to write our report at. He looked up shortly as I approached, but didn’t give me more attention. It annoyed me ever so slightly. Couldn’t he at least be happy?
“We got the report back,” I muttered and threw it at the table. “Here.”
“Thanks,” he said without looking up.
‘How rude.’
I didn’t move. Instead, I kept looking at him. It seemed as if he didn’t care. At last, after some seconds, I sat down. Then he looked at me. His gaze was slightly curious, but not much.
“We got an O,” I said. “Isn’t that great?”
“I guess,” he muttered.
I sighed. “Don’t you want to talk to me?” I asked.
He eyed me for a couple of seconds. “So now you’re talking to me again,” he said. It seemed to amuse him slightly. “But not about the report I guess…”
I shook my head weakly. “No, that wasn’t entirely the reason I came here… I just wanted to say that… That you were right.”
The amusement turned into confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Damien and I broke up… When I was in the Hospital Wing.”
“Oh.” He got up, seeming surprised. “I’m sorry to hear that, Lulu. I truly am.”
I shook my head. “It’s okay. It had been going slightly bad lately. I’m not that sorry.”
He dragged me up from the chair into a hug. “I’m sorry for being an idiot. I should never have said all those things no matter how right I thought I was. It wasn’t the right thing to do.”
“Yes, it was,” I disagreed. “It’s what friends do. Tell the truth.”
“But I’m still sorry I hurt you.”
“Doesn’t matter now,” I muttered and sat down again. A couple of silent seconds passed. Then it slipped out of me. “And congratulations about Miranda.”
He chuckled as he sat down. “Yeah. I guess…”
His tone made my eyes burn slightly from fighting tears back. I was so stupid! Nearly crying because of a boy.
“She’s had a crush on you for a long time, you know.”
‘Good gracious, Lisa!’ I was a bad friend. Not only did I envy my best friend, but now I also stabbed her back and told Sirius the things she had told me confidentially. I was a very bad person. Very bad.
But he didn’t seem to see that the same way as I did. He just grinned. “I know,” he said.
“You knew?” I asked.
“Uhu,” he said nonchalantly. “It’s not like the biggest secret.”
“No, but I shouldn’t have told you that.” I looked away.
He chuckled. “You have got to smile some more, Lulu, it’s December in exactly 9 days!”
I groaned. “And with December comes snow.”
“Snow is fun.”
“Snow is cold.”
“You’re so negative,” he complained. “What happened to you?”
I looked up. “What do you mean?”
“You’re so negative,” he repeated. “Smile, Lulu, you look so pretty when you do.”
I blushed, but looked away hoping he hadn’t seen. “So where’re the others?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
He frowned. “Remus and Peter are doing nothing, I think, and James just dropped by to tell me he’d be in the Great Hall with Lily, doing homework.”
“James and Lily?” I asked with a frown. “Together?”
“Yep! It was quite a shocker for me too, but apparently she agreed when he asked her, so it’s all voluntary.”
I snickered. “I guess. So what are you doing?”
“Nothing,” he said with a shrug. He quickly brushed some parchment off the table into his bag on the floor. “Nothing special at least.”
‘As if I believe that.’
“You’re lying Sirius,” I said. “You’re a big fat lair.”
“Am not,” he said, bringing his hand to his chest.
“Are too,” I replied and smiled.
“Oh!” he exclaimed. “You’re smiling! Thank Merlin, I thought we’d lost that smile of yours!”
“Shut up!” I hissed.
“Lulu is back,” he said dramatically.
Some people started to look because he said that very loud.
“Shuuut up!”
“Back and smiling!”
As it seemed like Sirius didn’t want to shut up I got up from my chair and rushed over to him, clasping my hand over his mouth. “Shut up, you big, fat idiot!”
Some muffled sounds came out, but at last he stopped trying and just looked at me. And then without any warning something wet touched my hand. He licked my hand.
“EW!” I yelled and drew back my hand. “Merlin, you’re disgusting!”
He grinned. “I know.”
“Idiot.”
“Bigger idiot!”
“Biggest idiot!”
He laughed. “Merlin, I’ve missed this,” he muttered.
I dragged my chair over next to his. “Missed what?”
“Lulu and Sirius Time!” he said matter-of-factly. “You know… Us laughing and having fun. Bickering in a good way.”
I smiled. “I actually have too.”
“And I truly am sorry to hear about Damien.”
I sighed. “I’m not,” I muttered. “Not anymore.”
He grinned and dragged me into a sideways hug with his arm around my shoulder. I leaned in and supported my head on his shoulder, feeling the safety Sirius had come to give me through this year. There was no way denying it anymore. I had fallen for Sirius Black, new boyfriend of my best friend, and was currently sitting very close to him, showing nothing but comfort, smiling. Only in the back of my mind something totally different was going on. My mind was yelling at me.
‘Traitor, traitor, traitor!’

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Leave feedback, please

- Vicki

New chapter! Thanks to Jessica for taking the job as beta for this story, plus chapter title too. She's amazing!

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16 – Stepping on Ice
December started out nicely. Nicely meaning ‘no snow’. That lasted until one week before our return home for the break. Then we had our snowstorm. I of course, hated it. Therefore I tried to stay indoors as much as possible. That plan, of course, went down the drain when Dumbledore (the mean and insensitive man he was) decided the night before the Christmas break started should be an ice-skating competition. Everyone who wanted was to enter, and everyone who did not, was to come down and cheer on the representatives of their own houses.
As I looked over the list of who had signed up for it side by side with Miranda, I could see it was going to be a long day. A long day of watching people ice-skating. I stopped suddenly as a name caught my attention. I turned to Miranda.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had signed up?”
She blushed and shrugged. “Really, it wasn’t me. Sirius did. I told him I had been skating some when I was little and he persuaded me to sign up. Voluntarily compulsion, you know.”
I laughed. “Yeah. But you could win this, Ranner. I know you could.”
“I can try at least,” she said with a grin.
“I’ll be on the side, cheering on you!”
She gave me a hug. “You’re like the best friend ever, Lisa!”
‘Oh, I don’t know about that.’
“You too,” I said with a smile.

The last few days up to the Ice-Skating Competition I was surprised to see some unexpected names on the list. Mary Macdonald from my dorm as one of them. James had even signed his name in the last second. Apparently Sirius, in an attempt to humiliate James, had told him girls found it sexy when men could ice-skate, especially muggle girls. Not two minutes had passed before James had written his name down. Sirius’ plan backfired as Lily confronted James, telling him she’d be watching him the coming Saturday afternoon and then wished him luck. Sirius was not happy. James was ecstatic.
But by Saturday afternoon the excitement had turned in to nerves. He was getting cold feet and was sure he’d screw up and fall in front of the whole school.
“You’re just skating to come first,” I said to him. “Not about doing it the pretty dance-like way like Miranda and all the other freaks in the other category.”
“I’m not a freak,” Miranda said.
I grinned. “I know, but I like to think of you as one. Really I’m jealous I can’t so it.”
“Ts.”
At that comment by Miranda, Sirius grabbed her around the waist and dragged her into a heavy snog. I ignored it and turned to James.
“I’m sure you’ll do great!”
He smiled weakly. “You think so?”
I nodded. “It was always me who fell on my butt when we were younger. You, on the other hand, are a talent on the ice. Now go and do your thing! You have to be down there in ten minutes.”
“Sure,” he said and turned to the couple. “Look, Sirius I’d appreciate if you’d let go of Miranda, we have to go down there.”
With a lot effort Sirius pushed away from Miranda and looked at James. “Sure.” He turned back to Miranda. “Go make me proud!” Then he kissed her one last time and let her go.
“So what are we about to do?” I asked him. “It’s not starting for another half hour or something.”
He shrugged. “We go down there now, I guess.”
“I’ll just have to go get a coat.”
“So do I.”
I quickly ran up the stairs and grabbed my coat. Lily was there, also ready to go.
“Hi,” she said with a smile.
“Hey…”
“Are you going down to the lake now?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
She bit her lower lip. “Do you mind if I join you? Mary is competing in the tournament, and Sue’s in the Hospital Wing. She’s got some strange sort of pneumonia.”
To be honest I didn’t want her, but would I say no? Instead I just nodded and grabbed my coat.
“Sure thing. But I’m going with the boys.”
“It’s okay,” she said with a smile.
Then we walked down the stairs where Sirius was already waiting for us. He’d brought down Remus and Peter too.
“Oh I see the mighty Miss Evans has done us the pleasure to join us,” Sirius grinned.
Lily scowled. “Shut up, Black, or you’re dead.”
“Wow, someone’s moody today,” Sirius muttered as I stopped next to him.
I snickered. “Shouldn’t we just go?”
The outside was much colder than I liked. Snow was falling from the sky in very small and few flakes. I hated it. With my mouth turned slightly downwards I pressed my arms around my torso and followed the others who seemed to enjoy the snow much more than I. Sirius turned and looked at me.
“Are you freezing?”
“No,” I said. It wasn’t a lie, though it was cold, but I just hated the snow and felt uncomfortable.
“You sure?” he asked with a frown, looking concerned. “You look like you do.”
I rolled my eyes. “Not freezing, Sirius.”
He slowed his pace to match mine and walked by my side. “Fine then. Aren’t you at least a little excited about the tournament?”
“I don’t know.”
“Oh, come on! There’s ice hockey, figure-skating and races! It’s got to be fun!”
“Maybe.”
He chuckled. “You’re not the most positive person on earth.”
“I’m a pessimist,” I said. “It’s a part that comes with me. Can’t make it go away.”
“I figured. But what about the feast tonight?” he asked. “You must be looking forward to that!”
“I do. But that’s only because there’s no cold in the Great Hall.”
“You’re a one of a kind, Louisa, you truly are.”
“I know. That’s why you love me.”
He smirked. “I don’t love you.”
“Yes you do.”
“Look,” he said, “Louisa, I don’t love you. Yes, I consider you as my friend, and I like you as my friend, but nothing more.”
I recalled his words as clearly as mine from that night in the Hospital Wing we had our fight; it seemed such a long time ago. Grinning to myself, I decided to play along.
“I didn’t say that. I just said you loved me. You just assumed I meant it in a more-than-friends-way.”
He laughed. “We’ve had this conversation before, haven’t we?”
“Yeah, just switched around.”
He laughed a bit more. “We’re strange, aren’t we?”
“Just a tad,” I grinned. “Where’re the others?”
As answer he placed a hand at my back to guide me to where Remus, Peter, and Lily had sat. They’d made place for us between Remus and Lily. I sighed as I sat down. Lily took it as if it was because of the weather.
“Cold, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” I answered.
She laughed silently. “I actually didn’t want to come either.”
I looked at her. “Then why did you?”
“Err…” She trailed off and looked over the lake. “I… It’s actually…” She sighed, blushing. ”James asked me to and I kind of agreed.”
“Ahh,” I said and removed my gaze from her as the topic seemed to make her very uncomfortable. Yet, I couldn’t stop myself form asking, “So you and James seem to have gotten pretty close, huh?”
Her cheeks flushed slightly. “He’s a nice guy,” she stated and looked at the ice.
I just stared at her, not knowing what to say or feel for the matter of fact. I turned my gaze towards the ice; several people were already warming up, Miranda among them. She looked so graceful on the ice. Like a swan or some other beautiful animal. It made people walking seem so clumsy and inelegant. I was only slightly envious. Ice-skating had been mine and Miranda’s sport. But after several broken ankles and wrists, and a near-death episode with broken ice too, my mum forbid me to ever go near a lake again. It was with pain I had done it, but I could see her point now. It was like brooms. I wasn’t allowed on those either, but as other people were always around me when flying, I did it anyhow.
James came to the ice too. He too seemed much more elegant out there. But in another way, a fast way; like a hippogriff if he’d had wings. Lily was watching him too, clearly impressed.
“He’s good, isn’t he?” I asked.
It took her several seconds to drag her eyes away from him and look at me. “Yeah,” she said.
“There’s a lake at home,” I said. “It’s not far from our house.”
“I bet he spends all his time at it in the winter.”
I shrugged. “Not really, but he’s just a natural at everything he does.”
She laughed. “Tell me about it.”
I pulled me knees up to my chest and put my arms around them. For every degree cold I felt on my body I cursed the snow and weather more. Not even the warmth of Sirius on the one side of me and Lily on the other side made me warmer. Suddenly a warm hand was on my cheek.
“Merlin, Louisa, you’re cold!”
I turned to Sirius. “It’s like a thousand degrees below the usual temperature. What did you expect?”
In one smooth movement he’d thrown off his coat, then a sweater he had beneath it and given it to me. “Here.”
“I can’t accept that,” I muttered. “Then you’d freeze.”
“I have my coat,” he said quickly. “Go put on the sweater.”
Eyeing him I pulled of my own coat and pulled the sweater over my head. “There! Happy now?” I sipped the coat.
“Much,” he said with a smile and put an arm around my shoulder.
It was strange, really. It felt so natural to me having Sirius this close to me with an arm around my shoulder. Yet, at the same time, it felt as something you’d do with a boyfriend. Not a boy friend. And of course, there was the feeling of betrayal. I shouldn’t enjoy this as much as I did no matter how comfortable it felt.
“You’re home at Christmas, right?”
I looked up at Sirius. “Um, yeah. Why do you ask?”
He shrugged. “Just wanting to know. Usually you’re at Miranda’s or something.”
“I’ve decided to stay home. I guess Miranda will come over. But you might just know more about that than I do.”
“Umm,” he muttered. “I’ve actually not asked her about that. I guess I’ll ask her to come one day or something. I want to spend Christmas with my family.”
I was taken aback. First I had thought that Miranda would come to stay almost every moment of the holiday, and then that he said we were family; he only said that to James.
“We’re family?”
“Sort of. James is like my brother and that makes you my sister.”
I smiled. “Sounds good.”
“It’s tomorrow we’re leaving.”
“Christmas will be great.”
“So, what’s on your list of wishes?”
“I…” I stopped, looking at him. “Why?”
His eyes were on the lake. “So I know what to buy you of course.”
My eyes widened. “Sirius, you don’t have to buy me anything.”
“We’re friends, right? And friends give friends gifts.”
I blushed. “But you don’t have to…”
“I want to.”
“Then I guess you’re expecting one from me too?”
“Only if we’re friends.”
“That kind of leaves me no choice.”
He chuckled.
We sat in silence the last few minutes before the first Hockey match began; Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff. I cheered along with Gryffindor as the little team of six players was presented. Then the game started. Both sides were awful to put it mildly. None of the players looked as if having been on skates much before, and even less having to push around a puck. It was fun to watch, but it was a little like at Quidditch matches; everyone who was not playing was cheering on their own team.
Hufflepuff was the first to score. Gregory Littman, a bulky Hufflepuff fifth year, tripped over his own skates and accidentally pushed the puck into the goal. Hufflepuff cheered, Gryffindors groaned. Then the Gryffindor players pulled up and with Eli McGraw, a muggleborn sixth year, they scored two quick goals. The games were only of twenty minutes and were over before it really had started to be funny. Gryffindor won and was about to meet the winner of Ravenclaw and Slytherin in the final.
“Aren’t you glad you didn’t miss this?” Sirius whispered into my ear as all Gryffindor players collided on the way off the ice and all fell onto the ice.
I snickered. “You would think they’d be better.”
“They’ve only had a few days to practise.”
“You’d think they’ve been skating before in their lives.”
He smiled. “Don’t be so harsh.”
Next the Slytherin and Ravenclaw players entered the ice. Like in Quidditch, Slytherin had come with the biggest players possible; Ravenclaw looked tiny next to them.
“This’ll be ugly,” I muttered.
Sirius shrugged. “I’m not sure. If you think about it… Slytherin are pureblood maniacs. They hate things associated with muggles. And what is skating?”
“Associated with muggles,” I muttered. “Okay, but they’re very big.”
“But when not able to stand up straight it won’t help them any good.”
Slytherin was better than Sirius had predicted, but it didn’t help them much. Ravenclaw won easily with 8-2.
“Now it’s James,” Lily muttered.
Sirius looked past me, grinning. “What an interest you’ve taken in him Lily-flower.”
Lily looked the other way. “I was just stating it.”
He leaned into my ear, whispering, “Sure thing. And I’m best friends with Snape.”
I snickered and Lily turned her eyes at us. “What are you two whispering about?”
“Nothing Lily-flower,” Sirius said with a way too pleasant smile.
Lily narrowed her eyes. “You might be fooling everyone else, Black, but I’m not falling for that. And don’t ever call me Lily-flower again.”
“But it’s so sweeeeeet,” he said and pouted.
I gagged loudly. Sirius elbowed me in the ribs. “Ouch!”
“Sorry Lulu dear,” he said sarcastically.
“Don’t let your anger towards Lily punish me!” I said and rubbed my ribs. “It actually hurt!”
“What? It actually hurt you?” he asked and Lily laughed.
“I’m telling James you’re mean!” I said.
He raised an eyebrow. “You’re such a baby, Lulu.”
“You’re such an idiot.”
“Will you two just stop?” Remus leaned forward so he could see past Sirius and looked at us both, smirking. “You’re bickering like an old married couple.”
“We could be,” Sirius grinned.
“Why have we others not heard then?” Peter asked.
“What you don’t know won’t hurt you,” Sirius said smoothly.
I showed the white of my eyes. “Can’t we just watch the race?”
Lily already seemed to be watching. We turned our attention to it too. The racers were lining up. James was in the middle next to a tall girl with a mouth looking like a horse’s. He waved shortly at us, though I felt it was more to Lily than the rest of us. I felt set aside. Apparently Sirius did too as he picked up a lump of snow, squeezed it together and then threw it after him. It hit the Horse-girl. Sirius ducked and the girl sent me a death glare. I sighed and pushed Sirius’ head into the deep snow behind us.
“Oi!” he yelled and shot up. “That’s unfair!”
“It is?” I asked. “That girl out there wants to kill me now because of you!”
He smiled. “That’s the life, love.”
I threw snow at him, blushing. “I hate you.”
“No you don’t.”
“No, you’re right. I don’t,” I said. “But I can be annoyed at you.”
He smiled but didn’t respond. I looked at the ice on which the race was set to start. Horse-girl tumbled over at once. I laughed. It sounded too loud as it was very quiet. A few people looked at me, but I didn’t care.
“James is actually good,” Remus noted.
Sirius and I nodded. “Yes,” I said.
“He could win,” Lily muttered as James pushed another boy out of the way.
“We could ruin it for him,” Sirius smirked and drew his wand.
He had barely raised it before my hand was deeply placed in his stomach. “Don’t you dare ruin it for him,” I hissed.
Sirius crumbled together and gasper for air. “Why, Lulu, why?” he asked.
Lily laughed. “Go Lisa.”
“Go James,” I said and clasped the hand she’d raised.
We all turned our attention back to the ice where James was second in the race, only behind a short girl with a long ponytail.
“Merlin, she’s fast,” Lily muttered.
“She’s small too,” Sirius said with a nod. He leaned closer to me. “I could make her trip?” he whispered.
I looked at him. “Sirius, that’s cheating!”
“Sirius, no dirty play!” Lily said without looking at him.
His eyes widened. “She’s got ears like some sort of cat.”
“And eyes like a hawk,” she said, still not looking away from James at the ice.
I shook my head and watched James too. Just then he shot over the finishing line a second after the girl. I sighed.
“At least he tried,” Remus said.
“I think he did well,” Lily said.
“She’s so into him,” Sirius whispered, making me snigger.
Lily looked at him. “I really, really hate you, Black.”
“Thanks Lily-flower.”
She scowled and turned away. Smiling slightly I fixed my eyes at the ice where the figure skating competitors were getting ready. Only five girls were about to skate. Miranda was number two. She looked rather nervous. I caught her eyes and smiled encouragingly. She smiled back. Sirius waved to her and a faint blushed crept up her cheeks.
We watched as a skinny Hufflepuff girl skated around the ice. She was doing a great job but I was sure Miranda was better. She nearly fell at some times and the three guys had to hold back their laughter. I elbowed Sirius and he got busy rubbing his ribs and stopped laughing at once.
“Ruining all the fun,” he muttered.
Next Miranda was up. She started out carefully, but slowly she moved to the more dared things she’d learned from when we were very small. She ended it all with a long pirouette. Sirius nodded in approval and the gaze he looked at her with made me slightly jealous. I wouldn’t ever be able to impress him like that.
I looked back at Miranda who was skating off the ice now. She was smiling brightly. Lily next to me sighed.
“Wow she’s good,” she said.
I nodded. “Yeah, she is. We’ve spent a lot of time at the ice together when we were very young.”
She looked at me. “Then why aren’t you skating?”
I smiled bitterly. “My mum forbade me because I once fell through the lake.”
“Oh, that is sad.”
I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I’m safer on steady ground. It cannot burst like ice can.”
“Oh I don’t know about that,” Sirius said suddenly. “I can mention several times when ice would have been safer to have you on.”
“Funny, funny,” I said.
We watched the rest of the skating in silence. The result was to come after the two last hockey matches. Just as the Slytherin and Hufflepuff players skated to the ice James arrived straight from the changing room. He was smiling.
“Hey,” he said and tumbled down next to Lily with a grin.
Lily smiled back at him. “Hey. Sorry about the loss of the race.”
He shrugged. “You can’t always win I guess.”
Lily answered him back but I turned my attention away from them. I wondered for a second why Lily had started being so nice towards my brother. She’d always hated him, and it annoyed me slightly that she was now talking to him as if they’d been best mates for years. Sirius seemed to notice my strange expression. He looked at me.
“Lulu, what’s up?”
I looked at him then shook my head. “Nothing.”
He frowned. “Are you sure?”
“It’s nothing,” I said and turned my full attention to the ice. I could feel his gaze on me for several seconds before he looked away from me.
Slytherin won the game just by racing over the Hufflepuffs. Two were sent to the Hospital Wing with broken arms and another one had to have snow on his nose because it was bleeding badly. The game ended 2-4. Then Ravenclaw and Gryffindor’s hockey teams skated onto the ice. Ravenclaw started out nicely with an easy goal. Then Gryffindor got the puck and with fast play got it into the Ravenclaw goal. When there were a few minutes left the score was still 1-1. The game got me kind of excited and I nearly jumped up when Gryffindor once again scored. But then Ravenclaw scored once more too. Just before the time had run out they took the puck from Gryffindor and pushed it past the goalkeeper. We’d lost. The Ravenclaws cheered and the Gryffindors groaned.
When the players had left the ice the result of the figure-skating was to be revealed. The skaters came back to the ice. They’d changed and were not in skates anymore. Third was the Hufflepuff girl who’d been the first one, second was a Ravenclaw girl. Miranda jumped up and down as her named was called as having won.
We slowly got up and started walking up to the castle. Miranda caught up with us quickly. She was smiling brightly.
“Congratulations!” I grinned at once.
Sirius turned; he’d been walking a bit longer in front with Remus and Peter. He smiled at her and fell into steps with us. “That was pretty awesome,” he said.
I noticed him taking her hand and she blushing. “Thanks,” she said.
I suddenly felt like a third wheel. With a quick excuse about having forgotten my mittens at the lake I turned and walked back. I stopped at the lake, taking a few deep breaths. For every time I saw them it seemed it hurt even more inside of me. It was stupid really. I’d never thought of myself as one falling for a person like Sirius, but here I was. It seemed to be Irony and Fate hating me now. I wondered for a second if luck would ever turn for me, if I’d ever be truly happy. Unfortunately my answer had to be no.

*

Feedback, thank you ver much!

- Vicki

First I'd like to say I'm very sorry for the too long wait, which I'm sorry about. I got caught up in writing a lot of other things.. On the other side, the next chapter is already written and Jessica (my great beta) has already looked it through, so it'll be up in a few days.

17 - Christmas
Coming home for Christmas was something I’d been looking forward to. Two weeks with my family… and Sirius. It was to be pure relaxation. Miranda had told me she’d come for New Year’s Eve, though arriving a few days before. I nodded and was ashamed to be happy that she wouldn’t be there the whole time.
When we sat the first day home, eating dinner, James told me Lily would be coming to visit him a day or two between Christmas and New Year’s and also the 24th for a few hours. Maybe she’d even come at New Year’s Eve. Then Sirius had cracked a joke about just letting her stay the night in James’ room as she was obviously to spend a lot of time there during Christmas, and the next second mashed potatoes were flying through the air towards him. I laughed and Sirius scowled. Then James was sent to clean up without his wand by Mum.

I was very surprised to open the door the 22nd as we were decorating and find Lily on the doorstep. She pulled a smile, but looked sad all at once.
“Hey…” I said slowly.
“Hi,” she said; her voice too light.
“Umm,” I only managed to say, then I turned. “James!” I called. “Do you mind coming out here for a second.”
“Sorry, Lulu dear,” Sirius called, mocking sweet. “He’s quite busy at the moment.”
I rolled my eyes as they were probably fighting or something which destroyed a lot of expensive things. “So I should just tell Lily Evans to go home again?”
The sound of cursing and a hard thing falling hardly to the floor reached my ears. Two seconds later James stopped by my side. “Hey Lily,” he said and smiled. He frowned as he saw her expression at a closer look. “Anything wrong?”
That did it apparently. Lily uttered a very small sob and rushed forward, flinging her arms around James’ torso. I studied her, titling my head slightly. Then James nodded for me to leave. I did without a sound.
The living room and the Christmas tree looked like a battle field. Sirius was repairing a broken vase along with a few other things. He looked at me as I entered.
“Why is Lily here now?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know, but she seemed a little beside herself.”
“Hmm,” he said and shrugged. “Do you know where this usually stands?” He held up an awful brown vase.
I took it with a smile and sat it at the floor in the corner. “But I’ll give you a galleon if you ruin it beyond repair.”
He eyed me, smirking. “Never say such things to me. I might do it.”
“It was the point,” I said with a shrug.
He chuckled and grabbed some ornaments for the tree. “Helping with these?”
“Sure.” I took the box from his hands (it was filled with red hearts of glass) and looked at the tree. “Do you have a special place you want these?”
He shook his head. “Where you feel like they should be.”
Looking at the tree I found I’d come in need of a chair and quickly found my wand to summon one. I started from the bottom and worked my way up. Sirius was right beside me the whole time which made me quite self-conscious, also making me extra clumsy. He grinned at me as I dropped what seemed like the hundredth heart. I repaired it and continued as if nothing had happened.
“Hey, do you want to put on the star?” he asked when we were nearly finished.
I looked towards the top of the tree. “I’m not sure I can reach.”
“Try,” he said with a smile and handed me the star.
I smiled back and stepped up on the chair. But even when standing on my toes and stretching as much as I could, I still wasn’t tall enough. Sirius laughed behind me. I turned.
“It’s not funny. You do it!”
He grinned again and before I could step down he’d jumped up next to me and grabbed the star. I swallowed hard; he’d come very close. He placed a hand at my shoulder and used it to push him upwards. He placed the star at the top and then grinned down to me.
“It’s not as hard as it looks.”
“Show-off!” I muttered and gave him a soft shove.
Grinning, he softly pushed me too. But when pushing me, one has to remember that I’m very bad at holding my balance. Unfortunately Sirius had forgotten that and I tumbled backwards, falling over the backrest. He noticed and grabbed for my arm, but I still fell. I landed on my back on the floor, Sirius on top of me, and gasped. He rolled off at once.
“Louisa, are you okay?”
I groaned and rubbed the back of my head, small tears welling up in my eyes. “I think so.”
He grabbed my shoulders and dragged me up in sitting position. He let a hand of his feel my head for bumps, running through my hair, and then smiled slightly to me.
“I’m sorry about that. Sometimes I forget you need extra care.”
I closed my eyes. “‘Tis okay.”
He got up slowly and grabbed my hands. “I think you need some ice or something on that head.”
“I’m fine, Sirius,” I said.
He didn’t listen and pulled me up to his chest, taking one arm around my waist. My eyes shot up that second and I found myself only centimetres away from him. We looked at each other. His dark eyes searched mine for some time. He slowly let go of my other hand and felt the side of my head.
“You might have had a concussion,” he muttered, slowly stroking my head.
“A what?”
I was a lost cause. If I’d been asked to say my own name I’d probably take several minutes to remember the wrong name.
He shook his head slightly. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Oh.”
His hand was still at the side of my head. He was frowning very slightly, his eyes studying mine. He very slowly let his hand slide behind to my neck, still eyes locked with mine. As he breathed out slightly loud, his warm breath caressing my lips, I realised how close we really was. I blinked, feeling his eyes were dragging me closer.
This would look all wrong if someone walked in. As that thought had run through my head, a woman’s laughter was heard right outside the living room. Sirius nearly jumped backward, removing his forgotten hand from my waist, and we both turned our heads to the door. Lily and James stood there, eyes going from Sirius to me and then back again. Sirius looked back at me, his other hand going to my neck too and he turned my head to look at him.
“Are you sure your head doesn’t hurt?” he asked with a clear voice, locking his eyes with mine.
‘What head?’
“Huh?” I asked.
“You just hit your head, Louisa,” he said, slightly annoyed.
“Umm…” I had completely lost track.
He didn’t listen to me and looked at James and Lily instead. “James would you go get some ice? She fell off the chair.”
James rushed out without another word. Lily was by my side the next second, one hand on my waist. Sirius removed his hands from me and let Lily guide me to the sofa. She placed me in the middle, sitting down next to me. I was gone. Did I just have an almost-kiss with Sirius Black? It seemed like that to me even though I’m sure it didn’t to him. We’d been standing really close. It was probably just me.
“Louisa?” Lily asked, making me look at her. “Do you recognise me?”
I frowned. Of course I did. I wasn’t stupid or anything. I just fell of a chair, not the North Tower. I nodded slowly to make sure she could follow.
“Lily Evans. Gryffindor student in my year. James’ dream girl. Head Girl and just knocked on my door about fifteen minutes ago. Want me to continue the list?”
Sirius laughed. “The humour isn’t gone.”
I looked at him. He’d taken quite a long distance from me, standing next to the Christmas tree, arms crossed.
“Oh, shut up,” I muttered.
“Sirius go help James with the ice, will you?” Lily asked.
“Sure,” he mumbled and walked out.
Lily looked at me. “You honestly fell off a chair?” she asked with raised eyebrows.
I frowned. “Yeah. Sirius pushed me – for fun of course – and I lost balance.”
“You sure?”
Did she hint that I was lying?
“Of course!” I said. “Why do you ask so much? It’s not like I’d be lying if that’s what you think.”
She blushed. “I didn’t mean that. It was just the way…” She trailed off.
“Just the what way?” I asked.
“Nothing, Lisa.” She shook her head.
“Yes, come on! You can’t start something and just not end it.”
She bit her lower lip for a second before she looked at me. “Do you fancy Sirius?”
‘…’
Several long and silent seconds passed. At last I blinked and looked at her. “No, why do you ask such a silly question?”
She blushed. “Sorry. It’s not like I though it or anything… It’s just the way you both… Nothing, I’m sorry.”
“Err,” I uttered. “Um, it’s okay, I guess.”
She smiled embarrassed. The next second James and Sirius entered. James had a bag of ice in his hands. He threw it to Lily who caught it easily and pressed it softly towards the back of my head.
“You know guys,” I said, “it’s not like it hurts that much!”
James showed the white of his eyes and sat on the table looking at me. “Louisa, tell me what year it is.”
I sighed deeply. “It’s 1977. I’m Louisa Amber Potter. You’re James Anthony Potter, my twin brother, though born a few minutes before me.” I turned my eyes to Sirius who didn’t look directly at me. “And you’re Sirius Black. James’ best friend. You’re dating my best friend.” I sighed. “You want me to continue? I’m fine, really!”
James and Sirius exchanged glances, but Lily was the one to speak, “I think she’s fine, really. She doesn’t seem confused or anything.”
James put a hand to my forehead. “You’re not hot or anything…” he muttered.
“That’s because I’m fine!” I exclaimed. “Why don’t you believe me? I just hit my head. People do that all the time!”
“Just lie down,” he said and sent me a smile. “We’ll take care of the rest.”
Sulking I lay down with the ice pressed to my head. Lily sent me a smile and got up. James slowly let his hand run through my hair before he turned and picked up a box of glitter. At last I looked at Sirius, hoping he’d say something. He didn’t even look at me. He was looking out of the window, biting his lower lip, frowning deeply.
“It’s for your own good,” Lily said as she grabbed a gilded angel.
“Oh shut up,” I muttered and she sent me a smile. “Why did you even come here now? We didn’t expect you here before in two days.”
The question had slipped me before I had thought about it. It sounded rather rude even in my ears. And maybe she didn’t want to talk about it. Her smile faded.
“You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to,” I hurried to say. “I was just wondering.”
She shrugged. “I kind of… I had a row with my sister and I wanted to get out of there... and this was the first place I thought of going to.” She shook her head. “It’s nothing.”
“Why here?” I asked.
She sighed and blushed slightly. “I truly don’t know. I just disapparated and this was where my mind wanted me to go I guess.”
“To James?” I said and sat up more straight. “Do you like him?” I suddenly blurted out.
She blushed furiously and looked over her shoulder at Sirius and James who were busy in the other end of the living room, throwing with some glass ornaments. “I don’t know,” she whispered.
I nodded. “Okay.”
Her eyes widened a bit in wonder. “You’re not going to pull out more detail or anything from me?”
“Not really,” I said with a shrug. “If you like James it’s your matter, not mine. And if you don’t know, it’s still your matter.”
She smiled. “Thanks, Lisa.”
I shrugged weakly and laid my head on the armrest of the sofa. Just that second the sound of shattered glass made our ears. Then James’ laughter. Lily sighed and got up.
“I’ll take care of those idiots. Just rest Lisa.”

Lily stayed for the rest of the day. Me? I was forced to lay down for most of that time. First when Mum announced dinner was ready did James come and help me up despise my protests. I could get up by myself, but no one listened to me. After having talked to my parents, Lily was given a bedroom for the night. She sent an owl home, telling she’d stay a few days. She’d probably pick up her stuff the next day.
I went to bed early because I had had enough action for the day. To be honest my head hurt a little and I didn’t want to stay up too long, having fun with the rest of the family. I woke up late in the night, my head hurting like hell. I groaned and turned to my side. Maybe all the pain which should have been there earlier came now. I regretted that I’d refused to take the potion Mum offered me when James told her about my fall.
Without thinking twice I got up and stalked out of my room. The kitchen was dark as the rest of the house, but I could easily find the little closet with potions in. I grabbed the little bottle and walked to the sink where I found a glass. I filled water into it and then some of the potion. It had an awful taste alone and water helped a lot.
I drank greedily and then walked into the living room where I sat down on the couch instead of my own bed; I wasn’t in the mood to go to sleep. I studied the Christmas tree and admired it. We’d done a great job and basically the whole living room shined of Christmas.
That’s when I heard steps. My head moved from the Christmas tree to the dark figure in the doorway. Sirius sighed when he saw me. He stood still for a couple of seconds, looking at me, apparently not knowing what to do.
“Well, good night,” he muttered at last as he moved into the living room. He sat down next to me.
I smiled. “Yeah, night.”
“You can’t sleep?”
“Not really. I guess you can’t either?”
“Nope.” He leaned back and put his arms at the backrest.
As silence fell upon us it was mixed with a sudden awkwardness. Still I had no idea how he had interpreted the little encounter in the afternoon, and I didn’t want to think about it, as I was sure I would end up hurting myself.
The silence started to bug me so I sighed deeply. “Do you think Lily likes James?” I asked and looked at him.
He seemed relieved that I’d said something. “Yes,” he answered at once.
I sat up straighter. “Really?”
“Yes,” he said with a laugh and rolled his eyes. “Just see the way she looks at him. It’s all in her eyes.”
“In her eyes?” I curled up in the couch and put my arm around my legs and leaned with the side at the backrest so I was facing him.
He nodded and looked at me. “You can see it in the eyes of people.”
“I’ve never noticed,” I said honestly.
“Really?” he asked and raised both eyebrows in surprise. “Wow, I thought you were smart.”
“I am smart,” I muttered.
He sighed. “You can read everything in people’s eyes.” He looked at me closely. “Take you for example. You’re like an open book.”
I looked away. “Is that so?”
He gently took hold around my jaw and made me look at him. He was smiling softly. “It’s like… Um, when you look at James I see admiration and safety. And Love. You care for him more than anyone else. And then.” He raised an eyebrow. “When you look at Lily… you don’t like her.”
I looked down with a sigh and small smile. “Is it that obvious?”
He shrugged, letting go of me. “For me, but I don’t think for others.”
“What about you?” I asked breathlessly. “What do you see in my eyes when I look at you?”
I was suddenly very happy about the darkness as I blushed very much. I just wanted to know if he did see anything. But if he did see, would he say? No, he wouldn’t. He sighed.
“I don’t know,” he said honestly with a hint of frustration. “You’re hard when looking at me. It’s like some sort of battle is going on behind your eyes.”
“Is that so?”
He nodded. “Maybe you could enlighten me?”
I swallowed. “It’s complicated…”
“I don’t understand, please make me.”
“It’s… I think it’s because I’ve come to care for you,” I said before I could stop myself. “Before this school year I didn’t really like you. But… since that assignment and those times in the library where we really got to talk, I’ve changed my mind. I think the war you see is me, not understanding what’s going on. Why you’ve suddenly changed in my eyes. Why you’ve gone from a person I hated to one I truly care about. A close friend.” It wasn’t a complete lie, just not the whole truth.
He chuckled. “So I confuse you?” he asked and I nodded. “Ahh, I see. To be honest you’ve changed the way I look at you too.”
I looked at him. “How is that?”
“I thought that was obvious,” he muttered. “Before I saw you as James’ sister, and that’s all. A person who was just there. Now you’re Louisa. Lulu! You’re not just my best friend’s sister, but my friend as well. It’s nice. I’ve never had a friend as girl before who I did not want to date.”
He words stung, but I hid it and a smile formed at my lips. “It’s strange, huh? Things change, but for the better.”
“Yeah,” he said with a nod.
His hand was suddenly at my shoulder instead of the backrest. He pulled me closer slowly and I slightly laid my head at the upper part of his chest, near his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head with a sigh. It felt nice. I could, through his t-shirt, listen to his heart beat. It was soft, but loud. Then his breathing mixed with it, it was the best sound in the word. The sound of relaxation.
I then realised that if I’d never be more for Sirius than a friend, then this would be great too. Sirius was everything I could want in a friend and so much more. He was safe and one I could only love.

I woke up with a start. I sat up straight and looked around. I was in the living room and it was dark outside. I pushed away a blanket which lay over me and thought back. I had been sitting with Sirius here this night. We’d talked then we’d just laid a bit there, not really speaking. We’d talked a bit later about nothing really for a looooong time, and then…. I must have fallen asleep. But I didn’t wear a blanket when we’d been talking.
‘Did Sirius…?’
He must have had. I slowly got up from the couch and looked at the clock 6am it said. My head didn’t hurt anymore. I quickly folded the blanket and put it where it should be. Then I hurried up to my own room where I fell asleep again.

Next time I woke up it was light. Both my lamps were turned on and the curtains had been pushed aside to reveal the cold, light, grey sky of December. That’s when I saw her in my room. Lily Evans. I sat up at once, first not understanding what she was doing in my room. She wasn’t living with me when not at Hogwarts. That’s when I remembered she’d slept here this night. But what was she doing in my room?
“Morning,” she said with a smile.
I nodded. “Yeah. What are you doing?”
“Cleaning,” she said with a shrug. “Your room is a mess!”
“I know, but it’s an organized mess!” I threw my duvet aside. “Go clean up James’ room! It’s worse than mine.”
“Yes!” She blushed. “But he kicked me out when I woke him up.”
“Sirius’ then?”
“He’s locked the door,” she muttered angrily. “Like he knew I’d come.”
“I like my room when it’s messy,” I said, beginning to get annoyed. “Can’t you just leave it? I bet James’ didn’t mind that much.”
She sighed and sat down at the edge of my bed. “Can’t you get out of bed?”
“No,” I said shortly and yawned. “On holidays I sleep long.”
“As do you on the weekends.”
“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with sleeping till noon!”
She sighed. “I didn’t say so. How’s your head?”
“Fine,” I said with a shrug. “I was up in the night to have some potion. It hurt a little there. But don’t tell James, then he’ll just freak out!”
“I won’t,” she said with a smile. “So will Miranda be here sometimes?”
I shrugged. “I guess. But Sirius knows better than me I think.”
“Oh look!” Lily squealed jumped up. “It’s snowing!”
The next second a crash sounded from Sirius’ room. Apparently he had fallen out of bed.
“What was that?”
“Probably Sirius getting up.”
Next second he was up running towards the door, bursting into it with a loud yelp of pain. Then he unlocked the door, smacked it open and was out in the hall a second later. Then he burst into my room.
“It’s snowing!” he yelled ecstatically. “SNOW!”
Lily and I looked at him, then burst out in giggles. Sirius looked from me to Lily and then back again. Then he looked down himself. He wore nothing but a pair of red shorts, though not loose enough to cover up his... ‘Ahem.’
He blushed and then grabbed a big scarf of mine and covered with.
“Oh no, you don’t!” I yelled, still smirking. “Don’t let my scarf suffer because of your… wet dreams…” Lily burst out laughing and I followed. Sirius walked out the next second without another word. “Oi! Come back with my scarf!”
He didn’t.
“See that was interesting,” Lily said with a smirk.
“Oh, I could have been without,” I muttered. “Okay, now I’m awake. Let’s have breakfast.”
Not bothering to get really dressed I changed into a pair of loose pants and a big t-shirt before we headed towards the kitchen. We met James in the hall.
“Snow!” he said excited.
“Yes,” I said. “I think Sirius knows too.”
Lily laughed.
“What did I miss?” James asked.
I shrugged. “Sirius was just… quite excited about the snow I guess.”
Lily laughed again and I joined her. James seemed to understand.
“That’s not funny,” he muttered. “We can’t really control it always.”
“Oh, Merlin, spare me!” Lily groaned.
“Fine,” James said. “So are you up for a snow fight later?”
“Nope,” I said at once.
“Maybe,” Lily said.
“Oh, come on, Louie.”
“I hate snow, James,” I said. “I’m not joining.”
“Fine. You’re boring.”
“I know.”

That’s why, I, half an hour later sat in the window, looking at James and Sirius throwing snow at each other. Lily was mostly on looking, just like me, but occasionally threw a snowball towards one of them. Sirius had taken it quite nicely when he’d come down to have breakfast. Though both Lily and I burst out in giggles he’d stayed calm and not blushed a tiny bit. At last he’d gotten up from the table saying, “Laugh all you want, girls, but I know you both want a piece of me.”
We’d shut up after that. It wasn’t funny.
I screamed as a snowball hit the window I was sitting at. I nearly tumbled backwards, but stayed in sitting position. Sirius and James were laughing at me while Lily looked like not knowing what to do. At last she sent me a careful smile.
The snow fight lasted the better part of an hour and when they finally come inside again James and Sirius were soaked and had red cheeks. They were all laughing.
I smiled while studying them walk upstairs. This was what holidays should be like. Smiles and joy.

*

Feedback.

- Vicki

Oh, I know I promised you a fast update, but truth be told, I totally forgot it Well, here it is.
I'm dedicating this chapter to Louise, because she's practically the only one bothering to review. Thank you.

18 – Stronger
Before I really got to look around it was the day before the return to Hogwarts. The last few days had passed in a blur. Lily had gone home the 24th, but arrived again just the day before New Year’s Eve. Miranda had only been there one day, going home for the night. Though she’d come to stay the last night here. Now, the day before school again, she was currently sitting in the living room, snogging Sirius. I had gone to my own room because it hurt too much to look at. I hated to feel that way, but I did. But later Lily had come to drag me down there when she and James went down there too.
James cleared his throat to make the couple break apart. Miranda looked slightly flushed, though smiling; Sirius just looked at us rather sheepish. I looked away annoyed, though trying to hide it. Luckily they kept the snogging out of the living room for the rest of the night. I was nervous about going to bed; the room next to Sirius’, which he shared with his girlfriend who had crushed on him for years. That would be worse than anything else I was sure. I considered taking a potion to help me sleep, but was sure Mum would find out and she was better than a crime investigator to make me tell the truth.
I didn’t want to listen to Sirius and Miranda all night? No, that thought was just stupid. So that’s why I got up quite early, saying I’d hit the sheets. Lily got up too, saying she was tired. James looked disappointed.
She caught up with me just outside my door. “Lisa,” she said, making me turn.
“What?” I asked, tired.
“Are you all right?” she asked. “You seem a little beside your usual self.”
Why did she have to be so nice? And attentive? It could really be too much sometimes.
“I’m fine,” I said with a sigh.
She smiled slightly at me. “Okay… Umm, good night.”
“Night,” I muttered and turned to my door.
I quickly entered and shut it, leaning against it. I sighed and looked out of the window. The sky was clear and the stars and moon lit up the garden in such a way it looked like a scene taken straight out of a book. A fairytale. I sighed. Fairytale was a wrong word at the time. If this was a fairytale Miranda wouldn’t sit with Sirius down there. She’d be home while Sirius would send me flowers and small notes. Singing songs outside my balcony.
I snorted. ‘Yeah, right.’
That’s when I realised that this wasn’t my fairytale. It was someone else’s. My fairytale had ended; it had been played, had been read. It was over.
Silently, I laughed bitterly, drying the lonely tear off my cheek. I guess this was my life from now on. I suddenly stopped breathing as voices were heard. I closed my eyes in horror. Sirius and Miranda.
‘Why, Merlin, why?’
Even though I knew what I now was forced to hear, I tried to close my ears, but I just couldn’t. Miranda was the one doing the most talking I could hear. Sirius just said something a few times.
When the talking suddenly stopped I panicky grabbed for my wand. I tried to remember some spell that could help me. Of course I could try the Silencio, but that had never really worked for me. I’d always exploded something.
With silent steps I tiptoed to my bed where I laid down and pulled a pillow over my head.
‘As if it is going to help,’ I thought grimly to myself.

*

I sat up with a start as I awoke the next morning. With a pounding heart I looked around. A strange sensation was filling out my chest. I felt with my hand, and then smiled, thinking back.
Very uncharacteristically of Sirius, it had been silent last night. He and Miranda had gone straight to bed, no fun! I smiled as I slowly got up. Then my door burst open.
“Oh Merlin!” Lily squealed. “Oh, Merlin, oh Merlin, oh Merlin!”
I covered my ears as her yelling continued. When it didn’t help I covered myself with a pillow and closed my eyes. Suddenly she was jumping on my bed. I threw off the pillow.
“What?!” I yelled. “What happened, Lily?”
She grinned. “I was afraid I couldn’t get you up if I didn’t make a lot of noise and pretended something great had just happened.”
In the rush of anger I grabbed my pillow and threw it right at her head. She fell off my bed with a loud thud and a ‘hey’. She sat up at once again. She hadn’t noticed it was actually real anger I had shown.
“Okay. Really, it’s because we’re going back to Hogwarts.”
I looked at her as if she was crazy. “It’s not something to be happy about.”
“Isn’t it?” she asked with a frown. “It’s so great.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re one of a kind, Evans.”
“I know,” she said and in mock flicked her hair over her shoulder. “I’m irreplaceable.”
“Not the slightest,” I grinned. It was strange, it came naturally to me.
She waved it off. “So have you packed?”
“Um, no.”
“Do you mind?” Her face lit up in a smile.
I snorted. “Yes, I do mind. I’ll do it myself. Just go do something else. Annoy some of the others.”
“Baah,” she muttered. “You’re the funniest.”
I rolled my eyes. “Why is that?”
“You’re so easy to tick off. Gets irritated pretty easily.”
‘Wonder why that is...’
“Okay, I have a deal. You go irritate someone else and I’ll kick someone’s arse for you. Your choice!”
She rolled her eyes. “You shouldn’t beat up people.”
“Sometimes violence is the only way. I’ll do James for you!”
She rolled her eyes. “Not necessary.” She smiled. “And you say I’m one of a kind.”
I slowly got up. “Okay. I’m getting out of bed! Happy?”
“Yep!” she grinned widely.
“And will you get out of my room?”
She sighed. “Okay, but hurry. No one else is up.” She was on the way out, but stopped as she picked up a shirt of mine, “Please tell me you’re not actually wearing this.”
I rushed over and grabbed the shirt. “In fact, I do. What’s wrong with it?”
“It…” She seemed to struggle to find the right word, “ugly, really.”
I rolled my eyes. “Everyone can say that. But try and look at your own clothes.”
She grabbed the edges of her blue t-shirt. “There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s normal.”
“It’s plain,” I said.
She narrowed her eyes at me. “So this is what it comes down to? Criticising one other’s clothes?”
“Yup.”
She stuck out her tongue and walked out of my room without another word. Just to irritate her I dressed into the shirt, which I really hated (red with sickly green spots and black sleeves). Downstairs I was met by James and Sirius too. Lily had somehow managed to get them up too. Only James seemed irritated about it. Sirius just grinned amused at me when we got down.
“What?” I asked.
He shrugged. “That is a really ugly shirt.”
“Oh?”
He smiled. “Lily told me to say so.”
“Hey!” Lily exclaimed.
He shook his head and turned to James, “I’m hungry! Can’t we eat now?”
James rolled his eyes, but nodded. “Sure. Mum?”
My mum looked through the door of the kitchen. “Yes, dear?”
“Um, breakfast?”
“Two minutes.”
I sat down at the table on my usual seat. The others sat down too and small talk began. “When are we going then?” Lily asked.
“Noon?” James asked, looking at her.
“Sounds fine to me,” she said looking at him.
As they continued talking I tried to look at Lily’s eyes to see if Sirius was right about the eye reading thing. After a few minutes I could establish that he was right. Sirius seemed to notice and caught my eyes, smirking. He raised his eyebrows quickly and then let them fall. I nodded almost unnoticeable. Just then Miranda entered the kitchen. Her face lit up as she looked at Sirius. He removed his eyes from me and welcomed her at the table, kissing her shortly. I looked away.
Noticing James and Lily swallowed up in a conversation and Miranda and Sirius too, I suddenly felt like an outsider. Losing appetite I got up so suddenly all four pairs of eyes were on me.
“Anything wrong, Louie?” James asked.
“I forgot I had to write a letter,” I muttered and hurried out of the kitchen.
When outside I let the bitter side of me take over my expression. I sighed as I started climbing the stairs to my room. Inside it, I fell onto my bed with a heavy sigh. I had to control myself better than that. It was stupid to overreact.
I pushed myself off the bed and started packing. I was nearly halfway done when I got the feeling something was missing. It annoyed me a lot when I couldn’t put my finger to what it was. Frowning I looked at my trunk, but I couldn’t place it. At last I gave up and stuffed the last things in and then shut it hardly.
Something knocked at my door. A second later James entered. “Heya,” he said and looked at me.
“Hey!” I said.
“Breakfast?” he held up some bread. I took it without a word. “We’re off in one hour.”
I nodded. “Okay. I’m nearly done.”
He smiled at me. “Great. I’m off again.”
“Righto…”

*

It was oddly comforting to be back at Hogwarts. It sort of pushed the whole Sirius-thing a bit away again from me and the thoughts only haunted me when I wasn’t busy enough. Now, for example. Homework didn’t belong in the category that could keep my mind off things for more than fifteen minutes.
“Lisa?”
I should be smarter than this. I shouldn’t let him control my thoughts and world like he did. He shouldn’t be able to do it. He should have stayed in the background and left me alone! But would that really have been better?
“Lisa?”
No, absolutely not. How could I even have lived without Sirius before? He was the spice that made every day worth going through. He wasn’t just plain. He was sweet, caring, and funny. I suddenly understood why he was so popular, why most girls liked him.
I was hit hard at the arm. “OUCH!” I exclaimed and looked at Pandora. “What?”
“You were totally in your own world,” she said.
“Oh.” I realised I hadn’t been listening to her. “So what’s up?”
She shook her head. “I wanted to know if something’s bothering you.”
I shrugged. “Not really.” I was surprised how easily lying came to me. I wondered if she’d see through.
She rolled her eyes. “Okay then.” She didn’t believe me but I didn’t care.
“Help me,” I said and pushed the parchment towards her. “I can’t figure out the third question.”
She smiled at me and took the parchment. “You’ve gotten it all wrong, Lisa,” she muttered. “Besides, you need to learn Legilemency, not ‘mind-reading’. Merlin.”
I snatched the parchment back. “Why thank you, Pandora.”
“You’re welcome,” she said with a grin. It slowly faded though and she looked at me concerned, “You’re not going down with a depression or something?” she blurted. “I mean, it’s not bad is it?”
I frowned. “What exactly are we talking about?”
She shrugged. “You’ve just seemed a bit down lately. Since your break-up.”
Strangely I found it time to smile now. “Don’t worry about that, Pan. I am fine, really.”
“I wish I could believe you, but I can’t.”
“I guess I’ll just have to prove you,” I said with a smile.
She rolled her eyes. “Yes.” She sighed. “Lisa, what should I do without you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Kate’s boring,” she grumbled.
“What do you mean?”
She shrugged. “You know how people get when they suddenly get a boyfriend… boring. She’s barely got time for us anymore, less when we’re in the tower.”
I nodded. “Yea, Ranner’s the same.”
We both sighed suddenly. We made eye contact and then burst out laughing. Nothing was really funny, but sometimes one just needed to laugh. We stopped at the same time too, but that just caused another fit of giggles as the librarian told us to hush down.
“I miss the old days,” Pandora said when we both had stopped.
“Old days?” I repeated.
She shrugged. “When we were smaller. When boys were disgusting. When we hadn’t periods. When we were just children.”
I nodded. “I wish that every time where I’m not forced to face the horrific thing that comes with being a teenager. I miss being a child too.”
“Cheers to being children,” Pandora said and held up a book.
Grinning, I raised one too and softly touched mine to hers. “I hate feelings too!”
“So do I!” she exclaimed and grinned at me.
“I hate that I can’t decide who my brother likes.”
She groaned. “At least you haven’t got smaller ones. Michael was driving me crazy this Christmas! Just because he can practically speak now doesn’t mean he has to do it all the time!”
“What about Lydia?”
She rolled her eyes. “Talking about Hogwarts constantly. She’s been here half a year for Merlin’s sake. She should have gotten over it by now. So who does James like?”
Now it was me to roll my eyes. “Isn’t that obvious?”
“Still Lily?”
I nodded. “And she’s warming up to him. She spent half the Christmas at our house!”
“Horribly!”
“Oh yeah.”
“You know what?”
I shook my head. “No, what?”
“We’re standing up!”
“Not really following?”
She rolled her eyes. “We don’t need Miranda and Kate. You don’t need James to not like Lily. I don’t need to listen to Lydia. We don’t need anyone!”
“You’re right!” I said, grinning. “We’re like two independent women.”
“Not needing men or other friends.”
“Okay that’s mean.”
“Oh don’t ruin my trip!”
“Okay, okay,” I said with a smile. “We don’t need anyone!”
“High-five on that!” Pandora held up her hand and I clasped it.
“Lisa, from now on, we’re rolling. Our Era has come!”
“What? The Single-Era?”
She pointed a finger at me. “Exactly!”
“Oh.”
We laughed.

*

Having had a great time with Pandora in the library the day before I felt much lighter sitting at the first Defence Against the Dark Arts class that year. I even managed to take the criticism Leicester shot my way with a smile. Nothing could bring me down. It was in my way everything was now. It was girl power.
As usual I sat with Pandora during Defence. It just made it better. I don’t know if it was because of her or that fact that we had our own little club that made me smile during the whole class. It was probably both as they were almost the same. I’m confusing when I’m ecstatic.
What surprised me the most was that I didn’t even care when Leicester made me demonstrate how to fight back inferi in front of the whole class. I knew that, I’d worked with that just the previously day in the library where we’d mostly read defence.
So with a bright smile I nearly burned down the whole classroom. Leicester had probably not thought I’d do so well. He was stunned. That was until he gave me a detention for nearly burning down the classroom.
I took it with a smile. I’d just done as he told me to. No one this day dared to say anything to it, but really, I didn’t care. Though, a few minutes later Pandora got one too because she was writing a note to me. We smiled at each other. Fighting together, falling together. We didn’t regret anything.
I was caught after class on the way back to the Gryffindor tower by a pair of hands on my waist. I turned and to my big surprise found Sirius, smiling.
“Hey, Spirit,” he said and removed his hands again.
“Spirit?” I repeated lightly. “May I ask why?”
He shrugged. “If I may ask why you’re so happy today.”
I shrugged and bit my lower lip in what I thought as a thoughtful way. “It must be the feeling of being back at Hogwarts. And that truly is the worst nickname ever invented.”
“Yeah, whatever. Did you smoke something?”
“Fresh air?”
He rolled his eyes. “What’s happened to Louisa the Pessimist?”
“Do you think I’m a pessimist?”
“Um, yeah,” he said as if it was as obvious as two and two equals four. “What happened to my pessimistic Lulu?”
“She walked out of this body yesterday,” I said lightly, ignoring his slightly flattering comment. I wasn’t his. Miranda was his and how it bugged me.
“To where?”
“China,” I sighed. “She’s not coming back this year, I think.”
“Oh, when then?” he looked at me, truly concerned.
I shrugged. “No idea,” I said lightly. “When she’s got a reason to come back. I’ve decided to be positive from now on. Not even Leicester can destroy me.” I waved my hand.
“Good to hear.”
“Don’t’ you like it?” I asked. It annoyed me that I wanted him to like me even though it was the exact opposite of what Pandora and I stood for.
He shrugged. “It takes time to adjust to new things,” he said, his eyes looking straight ahead. “I don’t know. It’s different.”
“It’s called life.”
He shook his head slowly. “You’re truly strange today.”
“I know. It’s called changing.”
“So you’re just changing?”
I shrugged. “No idea. I’m trying another perspective of life.” No need to tell him he was the reason, he shouldn’t have that pleasure.
He stuck his hands into his pockets. “Aha…”
“No need to sound so sad,” I said with a grin. “Be happy for me.”
“I am.” He looked at his watch. “Okay, I’ve got to go meet Miranda. Catch you later.”
He was gone without another word. It annoyed me, his attitude. Like he was better than anyone else. At the same time it was one of the things I liked the best about him. Crushes were strange really.

*

Two weeks. That’s how long Pandora and I had our girl power trip. We truly didn’t need anyone, or at least we thought so. But we soon realised that we couldn’t keep this up. That’s why I had borrowed Miranda from Sirius. It annoyed me it wasn’t the other way around, that Sirius should have to borrow her from me. We were having some time, just being girls. Miranda-time.
“No,” I said firmly as Miranda held up the little bottle. “We’re painting your toenails now, not mine.”
“Oh, come on, Lisa!” she grinned. “Why are you being so boring?”
“I’m not boring…”
“Yes you are. Oi, I suddenly remember something!”
“Wow, that doesn’t happen often.”
“Shut up. Lisa what would you say to a date with a certain Ravenclaw Quidditch captain!”
My jaw dropped. “What?”
She shrugged. “Adrian Quirke asked me if I thought you were interested…”
I blinked a few times. “Um, I really don’t know…”
“Oh, come on, Lisa!” she said with a smile. “You’ve been so down since the whole Damien thing! I think a date would be a perfect thing for you.”
I had been down, but not because of Damien. Harsh, but true.
I shook my head. “Ranner, I don’t think a date would be-”
“Yes, it would! Come on, Lisa. I think he really likes you.”
I rolled my eyes. “How can he? I’ve talked to him like five times in my life.”
“There’s a Hogsmeade in two weeks…”
“You won’t give up until I agree won’t you?”
“Ha! You just said you’d agree! So that’s a no from my side. I’ll not give up.”
I sighed. Why was I suddenly forced to go on a date with a person I barely knew? Okay, Adrian was extremely good looking. Blue eyes, long golden hair, and a fantastic smile. Prince Charming in lack of better words. But I didn’t know him.
“I’ll report back to you,” I muttered.
“Yes!” she exclaimed and hugged me. “We can double date then!”
“Oh joy.”
She didn’t catch the sarcasm. “Just think about, Lisa.”
“Fine, I will.”
I knew already then that Miranda most likely would win this; she was very pushy when she wanted something. That’s probably the reason she had Sirius now and I didn’t.

Then there was Sirius-time. Sirius had in fact asked Miranda to spend time with me, we hadn’t had some time alone for several weeks. Of course there was Christmas, but that didn’t really count. Miranda had agreed, happy that her boyfriend and best friend got along so well.
Glad that there wasn’t snow outside, I had willingly agreed when Sirius requested for a walk outside. We walked in silence for a long time, just enjoyed the outside, and, for me, enjoyed the company.
“I’m glad to have you back,” he said all of a sudden.
I looked up at him. “Huh?”
He smirked. “You and Pandora’s little girl power thing?”
“Oh… that.”
He chuckled. “What was it about really?”
I shrugged. “Feeling powerful, like you didn’t need anyone. You know…”
“Why would you do that?”
“Just…” I hadn’t an answer and took some time to find one. “We felt overlooked by our friends because they suddenly had boys to see more than us.” I pushed to him. “You’re the bloody reason in fact.”
He rubbed his stomach. “Sorry?”
I smiled. “Well, it’s okay.”
“Hey, have you realised that you haven’t gotten a detention for two whole weeks in Leicester’s class?”
“Um, yeah,” I said and rolled my eyes. “It must be a record, right?”
“I miss our detentions,” he said.
I raised my eyebrows (I had long ago given up just raising one), “Is that so?”
He nodded. “They were fun, don’t you think?”
“Oh, yeah. Terribly fun.”
He chuckled and put an arm around my shoulder. “To be honest I like you best when you’re being a pessimist.”
“Huh?”
“As I said that day… Pessimist Lulu is much cooler than Girl Power Louisa.”
“Oh.”
“Not an insult, I’m just saying I like you best the way you are.” He grinned down at me. “Please don’t change again.”
I rolled my eyes. “Fine, I won’t.”
“Terrific!”

At last there was James-time. The problem about that was that Remus was there too, and suddenly James had gone to meet Lily. Hm. Remus-time it was then.
I was left alone with Remus, doing homework. Not that it wasn’t fun. Remus in fact was a great guy, he was just overshadowed when being with James and Sirius. Though, as usual my concentration vanished after about half an hour of working.
I put my chin in my hands and studied him. He sat, head bent over, eyebrows pulled together in concentration and the quill rushing back and forth over the parchment very fast. Once in a while he looked at the book after some information.
“Remus, would you do me a favour?” I asked suddenly.
His scribbling decreased a very little. “Sure,” he said without looking up. “What did you have in mind?”
“You kissing me.” My words surprised myself, but I was dead serious.
He stopped suddenly. His eyebrows relaxed, but his eyes were tense. He looked up. “What?” he asked in disbelief.
“Please help me,” I said, “and kiss me.”
“Umm…” His eyes looked frightened. “That would be really weird.”
“It would help me a lot,” I begged.
He cleared his throat. “Why?”
“I want to try something. A test or so to say.”
Slowly he shook his head. “It would be really weird,” he repeated. “You’re James’ sister.”
“I know.” I rolled my eyes. “And you’re his best mate.”
“That would be Sirius,” he said with a smile. He was trying to distract me.
“Which is why is has to be you.”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
I rolled my eyes again. “Just do it! I need to try this because-” I stopped suddenly.
Remus frowned at me a few seconds, but slowly his forehead softened and realisation flashed across his face. “You-?”
I blushed furiously and then closed my eyes. Several long seconds passed. I heard the librarian shout at some other students, but it was just background noise. My own heartbeat which had risen to new heights, increasing for each second, was what mattered. This was not good.
When my face was less hot I opened my eyes. They locked with Remus’ light brown ones. He slowly licked his lips.
“You fancy Sirius?”
I sighed. “Please don’t tell anyone,” I whispered and looked down.
“‘Course not,” he muttered. A few seconds passed and then he sighed, “So this question, 5B, what’ve you got there?”
I smiled glad he dropped the topic with any further questions. Sometimes I wondered why I wasn’t better friends with Remus. He was the kind of person I could easily befriend.
I handled him the paper. “Sorry if you can’t read my scrawls.”
He just smiled. “I think it’ll go.” He looked the answers through. “So how come did you think that kissing me would help you any?”
I shrugged. “Maybe you’re such a great kisser I’ll forget everything about him.”
“That’s really stupid you know,” he laughed.
“I know,” I said, laughing too. “In desperate times...”
“Ahh… But Louisa, you sh-”
“You can call me Lisa, you know,” I interrupted him and rolled my eyes. “Now that you know my deepest and most secret secret you practically should be my best mate. Miranda doesn’t even know.”
He smiled carefully. “Then she can’t be very observant.”
“What do you mean?” I asked with a frown.
“Well,” he began, “as your best mate she should be able to see right through you. You’re easy to read. I had a hunch already before you began with the kissing.”
“Oh no,” I groaned and put my face in my hands. “This is not good.”
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I just put two and two together. Remember the party after the Quidditch match? You said you hated it all at the moment. If it hadn’t been for that, I’d not have guessed.”
I smiled slightly. “Thanks Remus. You’re a great friend.”
“I try,” he said nonchalantly with a grin.
“Git.”

*

Here we go...

- Vicki

This one is for Louise, for never letting me forget about this story, and Jessica for helping me out with my writing and giving me a title for this chapter. Thanks to both of you!

19 - Why Me? (or, could things possibly get any worse?)
Quidditch was overrated, really. Fourteen players, flying around in the air. Six of them throwing a big red ball around, four shooting other players down, two guarding three big rings in the air, and two players not really doing anything most of the game. It didn’t make any sense.
For the first time in years I actually refused to go to the pitch as Gryffindor played against Ravenclaw. I was to sit with Miranda as I always did, but I didn’t want Sirius to be there too. Or, I didn’t want to see them together. That was the problem. Though as always, Miranda somehow managed to change my mind, or at least do what I didn’t want to do.
So sitting down there, I tried to concentrate on the game from the second the players flew into the air. Easier said than done. Sirius and Miranda’s entangled fingers kept dragging my eyes to them, and each time I felt the same rush of sadness rush through me.
‘I hate having crushes.’
I leaned back and studied James as he passed a ball to one of his team-mates. Remus, Peter, and Sirius were talking. Miranda was silent. It annoyed me that the silence between me and my best friend had begun to bug me. Before in time, we had been able to sit silent for half an hour, just starring at each other or doing even less exciting things, but I suddenly got the feeling that a little wall – in fact so little it was more of a fence – had been built between us lately. Maybe it was only me who had noticed it, but it bothered me beyond everything yet.
“Hey, Miranda?” Remus’ voice brought me back from my thoughts. “Do you mind switching seats with me? I need to talk to Louisa about something.”
I watched as Miranda shrugged and switched places with Remus. He sent me a smile as he sat down next to me.
“What?” I asked him.
“I thought that was obvious.”
“Oh.” I smiled at him. “Thanks,” I whispered.
He just smiled with his eyes on the players. I suddenly found myself wishing it was Remus I was crushing. He’s such a great and sweet person and I got along with him easily, he would probably have been a better boyfriend too. Faithful and caring. Why didn’t he have a girlfriend?
I hadn’t looked away yet and he suddenly noticed I was staring at him. His eyes widened a little and he looked around.
“What?”
I slanted my head. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?” Why did I always have to speak what was on my mind?
He made a sound between a snort and a laugh. “Why?”
Shrugging I looked over the pitch. “You seem like such a great guy and you are definitely one of the persons who care the most about me next after James of course. Just look at you and what you do for me!”
He frowned. “I haven’t done anything.”
“It may not seem like that to you,” I said silently. “But that little gesture by switching seats with Miranda… That’s really something that means a lot to me.”
He raised both his eyebrows. “Well, you’re welcome, I guess.”
I smiled and turned back to) watching the game. Gryffindor was in the lead with a few goals, most of them scored by James.

*

The Gryffindor win wasn’t really that big of a surprise. What was the surprise was that James came to me after the game, thanking me.
I tilted my head. “What?”
“Yeah, for the distracting!”
I looked at Miranda who stood next to me, Sirius’ arm around her waist and then back at James. He was smiling.
“Are you talking junk?” I asked, “I didn’t do anything.”
Miranda rolled her eyes and elbowed me. “The snitch was caught just in front of us. Quirke is seeker. You distracted him.”
I blinked a few times. ‘… Um, what?’
Then I laughed. “Oh, Merlin, you’re kidding me. That’s ridiculous.” It really was.
James put a sweaty arm around my shoulder. “In fact it’s not. But I prefer you to not date him. That would make you a traitor.”
I pushed his arm away. “Oh, shut up! I don’t even like the guy.”
“She’s agreed on a date with him!”
I turned to Miranda. “No!” I spun around to face James who looked a bit annoyed. “James, I didn’t!” I turned back to Miranda. “You big fat lair.”
She laughed. “Oh, come on, Lisa. He really likes you.”
“Ranner,” I begun, “I really don’t think a date would be in place. I really don’t know the guy.”
“But, Li-”
“Miranda just let it go,” Sirius sighed. He seemed tired.
I smiled at him thankfully, but he didn’t look at me. His gaze was fixed on Miranda. I looked back at James.
“Don’t you have some showering to do?”
“Oh, yeah,” he said and turned. “See you later in the dorm to the party.”
‘Oh, great.’
Another party. Another opportunity to see Miranda and Sirius snog each other senseless. I sighed and turned to walk back to the castle alone. I stopped as someone in the small crowd grabbed my arm.
“Hey!”
I turned and stood face to face with Adrian Quirke. He was smiling slightly and his hair was pulled back in a ponytail. It looked rather cool.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Louisa Potter, right?” I nodded. “Adrian Quirke.”
“I know,” I said as I took the hand he offered.
He grinned. “Fantastic.”
“Yeah, truly,” I said and studied him.
“So…” he scratched his neck. “You see, there’s a Hogsmeade trip the next weekend…”
I sighed. Had Miranda already talked to him, encouraged him to ask me? I nodded.
“So, I was wondering if you had any plans or maybe would like to go with me.” The words rushed out as if he was afraid of forgetting them.
“I…” I muttered, looking away. “Um, I really don’t know. I um…”
He smiled. “It’s okay if you don’t have an answer now, give it to me later.”
I nodded. “Sure, I can do that.”
“Um,” he muttered and looked towards his team. “I’ll just be going then. We’re probably hosting some kind of Losers’ Party in our dorm.”
“Sounds sad,” I grinned.
He shrugged. “Well, we got beaten. Your brother is doing a great job with your team.”
Was it flatter or truth?
“I’ll tell him you said so,” I said with a smile.
He smiled too. “So, I see you later?”
I nodded. “Sure.”
He waved and hurried away towards his team. Next another person stopped next to me.
“Traitor,” Pandora sang in my ear.
I turned to face him. “What?”
She shrugged. “You know, with a brother like James… Adrian is the rival and enemy.”
“I’m not going with him,” I said.
She looked sad. “I think you should. Adrian is a really sweet guy.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not sure. Maybe, okay?”
“Fantastic!” she said with a smile. “Oh, now I’m the only one who does not have a date on Hogsmeade!”
“I didn’t agree!” I exclaimed.
“No, but you will.”
I put my face in my hands. “There’s no way arguing with you, is there?”
She shook her head. “No. I’ll make sure you go with him. Then I’ll think about who I can go with.”
“Idiot,” I said and pushed her away.
She grinned and turned. “See you, Lisa.”
I began the walk back to the castle alone, but someone wanting to ruin the bubble I had made, Miranda had to join me along with Sirius, Remus, and Peter. She smiled at me.
“Did I just see you talk to who I think I saw you talk to?” she asked.
I sighed, “It depends on who you saw.”
“You idiot!” she grinned and shoved me. “Adrian.”
“Oh, him. Yes, true.”
“Did he ask you?”
I looked away. “Yes.”
“What did you say?”
“That’s not any of your concern,” I muttered and looked at her. “You have your life. Let me live mine.”
Sirius laughed. “She’s a bit touchy,” he said, not looking at me.
It annoyed me he talked about me like that. It seemed so unlike him. I looked away, not even wanting to take part of the conversation they were starting.

*

The party in the tower was the same as usual. Butterbeer and firewhiskey. I was left alone almost at once when Miranda decided to go snog Sirius. I had talked to James, but he too was gone. Then there was Remus who I liked even more for each time we talked. But also he had left me at some point. That’s when I decided to take a twenty minutes long visit to the bathroom.
Hating the warmth in the common room I changed to a pair of shorts and kicked my shoes off too. Grumbling under my breath I reached for the door from the bathroom into the dorm. I was surprised to find the sound of slow, heavy breathing reaching my ears. Who had gone to bed this early? The figure in Miranda’s bed was an answer. I shook my head and continued through the dorm into the little corridor and then down the stairs and into the common room.
I stopped dead in the middle, my mind going blank.
Several seconds passed before I reacted. With a deep frown I tilted my head slowly to the left. Then to the right. This couldn’t be right. This was so wrong. It made my feelings towards Quidditch match after parties even more negative. Much, much more negative. I clenched my teeth hardly together.
Sirius stopped next to me. “What?” His gaze caught the two persons as mine had. “Oh,” he gasped.
‘… Lily… James… kissing…’ My mind was literally a big buzz. It couldn’t comprehend what my eyes saw.
I shook my head. “I… don’t… know…”
“What to say,” he ended it for me. He looked down at me with a smile. “Me neither. But you might stop holding that glass that hard. It’s plastic.”
Just that second the glass in my hand exploded. I was nearly covered in the butter beer, and jumped backwards to avoid it. But one of my feet didn’t land safely on the carpet. Something cold and hard was beneath it. It crushed and pain shot up my leg. I screamed, but it could hardly be heard over the music.
I grabbed Sirius’ arm, holding myself up while tears shot up my eyes. He grabbed my other elbow, helping me stand straight.
“Louisa?” he asked anxious. “Are you okay?
Tears blocking my vision I looked up, making eye contact with me. “Ouch,” I whispered.
He seemed perplexed for a second. His eyes were wide with feelings behind them. I could not translate most of them, but I did recognise a few. It didn’t match up. It was wrong. They only lingered at my eyes for a second, but that second was long enough. He turned his gaze down to my foot.
“Merlin,” he muttered.
Before I said anything he’d put one of his arms around my waist and the other under my knees. Then, in one smooth movement, he’d swept me up from the floor, carrying me towards the stairs to the boys’ dorm.
“Sirius, I’m fine,” I protested in a mutter, drying the tears away.
“Ha!” he snorted. “You have half a bottle stuck up your foot. Do you call that fine?”
I grumbled something incomprehensibly. He looked at me, the funny look in his eyes all gone. Without really breaking the eye contact he pushed the door open with his back. Then he walked straight toward the bathroom.
He placed me on the little table next to the sink. Biting his lower lip he slowly removed my red sock from my foot. I bit my tongue as it hurt even more, whimpering slightly. Then it was off.
“Here,” he muttered and turned on the water.
I put my foot under the running water before he even told me so. He sent me a smile. There was something strange about his smile though. It was a bit forced or… detained maybe? Definitely stiff. Wow. I couldn’t read him at all currently.
His gaze slid away from my eyes and my foot. “Hmm,” he muttered and let his fingers run along the side. If it hadn’t been for the pain, it would have tickled. “Okay, I’m taking the glass out now. Please don’t move your foot.”
I bit my lip as one of his hands held my foot in place and the other softly pulled out the piece of glass. I grabbed his shoulder and my nails dug into it, but he didn’t seem to notice it. It hurt as hell. I looked as the piece fell into the sink, and swallowed hard; it was really big.
“Hold on,” he muttered, “There’s one more.”
My hand kept in place at his shoulder. “Ouch,” I whispered weakly as he pulled yet another one out.
He worked with my foot a few hurtful minutes. Then the last sound of glass falling into the sink reached my ears.
He looked at me. “It’s all out now. If you don’t mind I’ll just heal it for you.”
I nodded and let my hand fall. “Sure.”
He pulled out his wand and pointed it at my foot. The next second it was healed. He let his fingers run over the healed skin, looking at me again with a smile.
“Feeling better?”
I nodded mutely.
He reached and grabbed a red towel. Without giving me a chance to do it myself he put the towel over my foot, drying it and the leg for water and remaining blood. He looked at me again, smiling slightly. His eyes lingered at my cheek, then very slowly he reached forward and dried it from tears. I hadn’t even been thinking of doing it myself.
With a brave smile I dried my other cheek myself. His hand had been slowly sinking, but stopped midair. I studied him closely.
He studied me back, his eyes flickering from one of my eyes to the other. He very slowly lifted his hand back up, and as if afraid of doing something wrong, and slowly pushed some of my hair behind my ear. Then his fingertips even slower slid down my neck and stopped under my jaw where one of his fingers slowly ran over my lower lip. I was stunned.
He was frowning ever so slightly, but not in a bad way. More like a thoughtful frown, an earnest frown. I realised the hand he’d used to dry off my foot with was placed softly on me knee. Very slowly it was sliding to the back side of my knee.
My breath got stuck in that exact moment, but he did not stop there. From there he slowly let his other hand sink until it was only on the side my neck and then let it glide around my neck, into my hair. My own fingers were slowly tracing his cheek and I had no idea how it had gotten there. Only then I realised just how close he’d come. And then it was too late.
Unprepared for this, his lips were suddenly on mine. Then three things happened. My mind stopped working for a second, I forgot who I was, and I kissed him back.
His grip around my knee and neck tightened as he pulled me closer, giving into the kiss with passion. My hand moved to his neck, pulling him closer too. It was as if we could not get near enough each other and dragged closer. Very slowly his hand around my neck traced down my shoulder, chest, stopped for a second on the waist where it caressed my curve and then continued down my thigh and stopped at the knee, like his other hand. Then he slowly turned me the rest of the way towards him so we were facing each other completely.
In that second he opened his mouth a bit more and let his tongue slide out. Only taken a little by surprise I followed suit and let my tongue feel his. My heart beat faster and faster for each second.
Slowly, so slowly I hadn’t noticed until they were very far up, Sirius had let his hands slide up on the backside of my thighs and at the same time pulled me even farther out on the edge.
I broke apart from him with a gasp as I could feel his body even closer, even though I hadn’t thought it possible. My legs slowly formed a ring around his waist to ensure my position a little more.
We broke apart for a second, but his lips did not move away from my skin. Instead he started planting kisses all the way down my jaw and onto my neck. I was breathing heavily; it was almost embarrassing as he wasn’t. His lips finally let go of my skin and he looked at me. His eyes were dark, filled with lust. Then he caught my lips again.
But I didn’t respond in the way I had done only seconds before. I had in that second realised something. I was Louisa Potter and I was kissing Sirius Black. My brother’s best friend. My best friend’s boyfriend.
I was kissing my best friend’s boyfriend.
He must have realised all of this in the same time as I did. The kiss had a new edge; he knew it too, knew it was wrong. And he suddenly broke away from me, fright in his eyes and open mouth in shock. We studied each other in some long silent seconds. Then very slowly he let go of me, letting his fingertips lightly trace up my skin and stop at my hips as I softly dropped my feet, shaking. He moved slightly, lifting one of his hands to my cheek. And when he spoke it was almost a whisper.
“Louisa… I-”
“I’ve got to go,” I whispered and pulled away from his touch. It was too much.
In a few steps I was out of the bathroom, leaving Sirius and my dignity behind.

*

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- Vicki