This is for my one-shot poem, if you feel like giving feedback. I'll put a link between these two so peeps can go between the two, kay? If you think I should or should not do more poetry, please tell me, as this was an assignment/ EC, so I didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Thanks!

Poem


~Aeryn~

First in posting! Wow, but I really feel like doing it.
Oh, my God, your poem is really beautiful! I have to say I didn't understood it quite well: Snape is talking to Dumbledore? Becuase at the end it seems like if it was Harry ... Ah, and wath does mean Mithrandir?
Well, you have a great, brilliant sense for poetry, you actually should keep on writing some, with no academic pressure .
I liked it very much; I like things writen with poetry, art and feelings. And the fact you use lots of verbs and words of noises.
Hope we are going to see more of your work soon!

Aww that was really good, so well written and very emotional - well done! xxx

Just a note, the whole thing about Mithrandir (which is the elven name for Gandalf, by the way) was to show the duality between Dumbledore and Gandalf. The speaker doesn't intend to be a single character, it is just a speaker, although at the end I have a feeling its supposed to be Harry (the part about falling, and tomb, and all that jazz) but I suppose it could be anyone else. There are also other literary connections, because of the type of poetry it is, and I could explain them, I guess, if I try... I'll do a stanza by stanza analysis, ok?




So, the white flowers here are the ones Sam names his daughter after, and they're an elven flower that is white, and there's a bunch of stuff about that in the book. And chastity, that's to go with the white stuff... Fires of the heart, that's actually musically, but the song, "the fire in your heart is out", kinda took that from there. The cursed eyes thing is in relation to Raistlin, whose eyes are cursed so that everything he looks at, he sees dying. So, to see them bloom... Well, I think you can figure that out yourself.




The beginning is paralleling the poem Tyger by Blake (Tyger, tyger burning bright, in the forest...). The next part is more original, actually, so less inspiration there, but I have to be original somewhere, right? He's tortured by the past, and really, aren't both of them, Dumbledore and Mithrandir?




The children part I guess can be related to how neither of them has children, and yet acts as the father figure; a bit more creativity there as well, but the fact that the relationship is mother, lover, and brother, it shows the connection to the children idea... He is everything to them, kinda thing. Well, they both are really, if you think about it... The rubies from the hourglass, I hope you all know where that's from, and the tasting of blood part is to do with the fact that they reminded Harry of blood too.




The clock part has to do with the passage of time thing, connected to the hourglass part from before as well. The carrot dangled before the nose is part of my favorite quote, from Raistlin in Dragonlance. "Hope is the carrot dangled before the draft horse's nose to keep him plodding along in a vain attempt to reach it." I also used a bit of creativity with the stars part, though that can connect back to Raistlin with his obsession with the missing stars of the gods in the first book... I know the last two lines have inspiration, but I can't remember what it was. You can also see it that they are the ones controlling the carrot, that they are so powerful that they can pull what you want away from you, and yet could easily give it to you and don't. I just made that part up, but I like it; and the narrator missed, meaning he failed, but they didn't just give it to him, did they.




The first is a line I wrote for a character forever ago, hence I decided to use it; a character inspired by Raistlin and Kitiara of Dragonlance. This here was all my own, but my english teacher really liked that part, the analogy thing, you know. The first person transitions for the next part, and also makes me wonder if it's the narrators first person, or it its the first person of Dumbledore/ Mithrandir. So, if we remember the failing to catch the star in the part before, this could also be the narrator, explaining that he failed, but he's content with it, and all.




I chose to directly quote here, because I liked too much of this part, and also it served as a good transition point so that, while the part above has less to do with individual characters, this shows the duality between the two. This part also makes me cry.




This completes the transition, and creates a definite narrator, perhaps. The scream part is, does Harry scream, or not? The rest is self explanatory, and the last line connects to the first, but also, remember how often Dumbledore's connected to both cool and calm with his blue eyes, but also fire? There's a fire burning in him, and it has gone out. You could say that about Mithrandir as well, that he has a calmness, yet a burning fire of passion inside him as well, and both are gone, and that passion lives on in us, but it is also extinguished.


So, as that might have been unnecessary, it was fun nonetheless. I hope that helps clear up some stuff about the literary connections, and if there are more questions, just ask!


~Aeryn~

Ooh, now you explained it more, I can see you're a very deep person, with lots of influences and a great culture.
You really took your work today, with all the explanation, and I think it was the best you could do because, despite your poem is one of the most beautiful and sad texts I've ever read, many people won't understand some parts (as me; I don't know anything about Gandalf)
As I told you: keep on this!

Wow, your poem was beautiful! Really it was. It took my breath away. I like how you incorporated other characters and feelings from other stories. Like Mithrandir aka Gandalf. That was great. And the part about the elven flowers. Your poem has a lot of meaning. Keep writing! You have a great talent.