Disclaimer: I own only the plot. Miss Rowling owns the rest!

A/N: I know I have like 3 fanfics going and stuff but this idea came to me and I just couldn't get it out of my head! I'm sure this fic won't be very long but it will be very girl power! I like the basic idea because I know every girl at one point or another would like to have the opportunity to do what these girls have. Hope you enjoy!

Operation destroy butt munchers

This is the first entry we are making. We want to keep record of all of our actions to enjoy them further on. So far we haven’t thought it through very much but we know the basic idea. We are two average girls who have just started their 5th year at Hogwarts. My name is Lily Evans and my partner in crime is Gwen Patterson. Our mission if we chose to accept it is to humiliate and destroy the ego of the biggest butt munchers in our school.

Butt munchers is a lame name Lils it doesn’t describe how they have been complete jerks from the moment we saw them. It doesn’t describe the amount of tears we’ve shed because of their arrogance and lack of brain! Remember that in this introduction we have to say why we are doing what we’re doing and how the plan came to be.

Oh Merlin Gwen I’m sorry! You didn’t even let me carry on! You just snatched before I even got a chance to explain! So like I was saying before Gwen was so rude and interrupted me we have a plan to get revenge on two guys that have hurt us and other girls in our school.

But mainly us... tell it in story form Lils! I’m bored and you’re good with stories but if you give me a lame name I’ll scream and tell McGonagall that you kicked me.

You don’t have to threaten me! I’ll do it without the threat! Dear Godric McGonagall must be PMSy or something because she keeps snapping at everyone!

Or she needs to get some!

Imagine her and Slughorn together! Ok back to the story...

Once upon a time in a magical land there lived two young Princesses...

Do I look like a princess to you?

Don’t interrupt! So these two young girls arrived at the best royal school in the world! They were thrilled. That was when they met two young Princes whose beauty was greater than anything the young and naive princesses had ever seen...

I’d say they were more like toads, with warts. But hey we were young and naive.

Seriously Gwen if you don’t shut up I’m not telling the story.

Sorry! Carry on...

The two charming princes were everything the girls wanted in a guy. So both princesses allowed themselves to daydream about them and how perfect they were. The braver of the two princesses tried to establish communication with one of the Princes. She dressed in her best clothes and went to speak to him. He turned out to be everything they had always despised. He insulted and humiliated the Princess telling her to her face that she wasn’t nearly pretty enough to be with a Prince like him. He laughed obnoxiously loud and had everyone around them laugh and point at the Princess. She was hear broken. As if insulting her hadn’t been enough the young Prince began to laugh and mock the girl every chance he got. He did so for many weeks. His friends, the most popular Princes of the castle went along with the cruelty and began to play pranks on the young girl.

The other princess seeing what happened to her friend decided it was best to keep a distance from the young boy. She had a very good friend who warned her about the evil the other Prince represented and still the young princess couldn’t change the way she felt about the boy. She tried to become invisible and did so until the prince she desired bumped into her in the library. He was cordial to her and she thought that he was different from his friend. They spoke for a while but when the young Prince’s friends came along he did what his friend had done. He insulted the girl in ways she hadn’t thought possible. The girl princess wore glasses and the Prince took them from her and tossed them over her head. The girl was in tears as she she tried to mend her glasses when they had finally given them back. One of the other boys took her books and threw them in the lake that was in front of the castle. The Princess wanted her books because reading was her life. She jumped in the lake to try to salvage them. One of the Princes made her clothes magically disappear when she was walking out the the lake soaked and blind. She was humiliated in front of the whole school.

The two girls thought their suffering would never end but one day in their 3rd year the boys began to act as if they didn’t exist. They became invisible to everyone except for the teachers. No one saw them except for a counted few friends they had. The Princesses discovered that the Princes were really evil toads in disguise.

Do I have to write the plan in story form?
No that isn’t necessary seeing as I’m going to write the plan.

Alright then so let me finish up the story. So the girls learned a lesson that they’d never forget. Prince Charming is a jerk... bring on the frogs! They lost faith in all Princes and vowed they’d get their revenge one day. For the record, Prince Charming doesn’t exist!

You had to say it didn’t you? Ok so we are the Princesses from the story. The two toads that were supposedly Princes are James Potter and Sirius Black. They hurt us and now we have it in our power to make them pay. I’ve always thought, if a girl had the power to make a guy who made her life a living hell for years pay wouldn’t she do it? I say yes. We both cried bitter tears for them, we began to wish we were someone else. We wanted to change our ways so they wouldn’t hurt us anymore. This year it’s different. They think they are clever pranksters, well we have something they don’t. We’re invisible!

Well we were invisible until now.People think we’re new in school because apparently we look different. Hasn’t anyone ever heard of contacts?!

We still aren’t popular Lils. Plus we are 10 times smarter than all of the Marauders put together!

Hell yes! But carry on explaining the plan.

The plan is simple, we are going to humiliate them the way they did to us. Then we’re going to be there to comfort them in their pain, seduce them, make them fall in love with us... as a grand finale break their hearts into 1000 pieces! The plan is to make them hurt. James Potter will regret the day he ever laid eyes on Gwen Patterson!

And Sirius Black will regret the day he made Lily Evans cry!

So then its on. I’ll take down Black and you take down Potter! We’ll show them we can be Femme Fatal! We have to start thinking of our first prank to humiliate them. It has to be something so amazing that future generations will be talking about it.

I’m still thinking about what we can do but don’t worry. It will be great!

Don’t you dare tell Snape about this Lily. I know it was his idea originally but if you tell him I swear I’ll slap you!

I won’t tell Sev I promise. I don’t know why you don’t like him Gwen. He’s a great guy.

The only thing I like about him is his hatred towards Potter and his friends. So Lily are you and him you know...

Oh come on Gwen! Sev is my friend! I’ve known him forever! Plus he doesn’t think of me in that way. It’d be too weird.

Yeah specially since he never showers and has disgusting hair! I mean ok he can pull off the mysterious dark look without having to not wash the hair! Plus he and his friends are part of the “pure blood” mania.

He’s not like that! You don’t know him the way I do!

This journal isn’t about Snape. We can talk about that later. This journal is about our plan. In here we will describe the pleasures of making jerks pay! That way future generations of girls will know that guys are not worth becoming bitter and cynical! We don’t need men in our lives... except your father Lils. He’s a great guy.

My dad and Sev

If you say so Lily. Merlin I think McGonagall saw us! Put this in your bag and make it look like a romance novel!

Don’t worry I already did! If any teacher spots this it will look like a copy of Pride and Prejudice.

What about any other student?

They will see an encrypted code. I’ve thought it all out! You’d have to be a genius to read this. I’m putting it away though because if she sees us she’ll take it away even if it is a copy of a book. By the way, Mr. Darcy is dreamy!

Guys like that only exist in books!

True that.
**
Feedback please

Before the Quidditch game.

Seriously I don’t think I ever gave those jerks enough credit! Trying to think of pranks and still manage to keep your grades up is hard work!

But hey this prank is about the best thing we could have done to start our plan. Honestly I’ve never laughed harder! I think I’m going to pee myself when I see the look on their faces.

Remind me to summon a diaper for you before we head out to the Quidditch Pitch.

Oh you’re so funny Gwen. I think you and Black are going to make a great couple!

Oh yeah well you and Potter are made for each other!

Ew ew ew take that back! I feel dirty just reading that sentence!

Ok no more fighting. We must write down the facts of what have happened these last few weeks. I can’t believe how times flys when you’re having fun!

I think you should do the honours of telling this story. Plus my hand hurts so much! Damn Potter for smashing it!

Just for the sake of arguing I don’t think he did it on purpose since he didn’t know you were in his locker.

Meh never the less it’s his fault it hurts! So tell the story already!

So cranky! Ok so I’m not going to do it the way you did because I’m not creative enough, plus I hate Princesses. I’ll do it my way.

“Lily I have an idea!” the beautiful girl named Gwen said as she ran down the stairs to the Gryffindor common room.

Don’t start ranting about how beautiful you are because I might just hurl.

Shut up you! Let me carry on with my narration.

“Gwen you’re ideas are alway so brilliant! Please tell me what you’re amazing brain power has come up with!” the young naive Lily said excitedly.

GWEN tell it how it is please. I didn’t say that!

Fine ego smasher!

"Every time you say you have an idea Gwen I can’t help but feel slightly scared” Lily said rolling her eyes (much better thanks). Gwen sat down happily next to her.

“This is a good idea” she said as her bright turquoise eyes shinned happily. Lily shut her book and looked at Gwen, “So you know how both Butt face and Butt muncher are on the Quidditch team? Well I thought of a way to humiliate them there”

“Keep your voice down Gwen but tell me, what did you come up with?” Lily said moving closer towards Gwen. Gwen pushed her light brown hair out of her face.

“I was thinking what a guys biggest weakness is, physically I mean. Well their ‘little champ’ is where they are weakest” Gwen said smiling evilly.

“Gwen I’m not kicking them in the nuts. My dad taught me not to touch males privates thank you very much” Lily said blushing slightly at the idea of James and Sirius’ ‘Little soldiers’

Gwen! I didn’t blush at that! I just don’t like talking about the male reproductive organ is all!

Right... so anyway let me continue.

“We aren’t using brute force Lils! Come on I thought you were smarter than that! We can’t just go up to them and kick them without ruining the rest of our plan!” Gwen said giggling slightly at the look on Lily’s face, “We aren’t even using magic. One of my muggle neighbours taught me how to make something called ‘itching powder’. Well I noticed it hurts more than a regular itching charm”

“Oh I know it does. Petunia put that on Sev once. He was not very happy” Lily said scowling as she remembered how her mean sister hurt her yucky friend.

GWEN PATTERSON! I’m going to have to continue telling the story if you can’t control yourself.

Correction her “mysterious” friend.

“Go Petunia!” Gwen cheered as Lily scowled yet again. “What we are going to do is sneak down to the changing rooms before the game. Break into the two boy’s lockers and put the itching powder... you know”

“What if we’re seen?!” Lily said worriedly. Gwen grinned, “I know what you’re going to say ‘What’s life without a little risk’”

“I couldn’t have said it better myself!”

“Do I have to remind you that I’m a prefect and if I’m caught how do you think that will look?” Lily said rolling her eyes even though she knew that it didn’t matter

“Lily Evans! Do I have to point out that Remus Lupin is also a prefect and yet he and his stupid poop head friends are ALWAYS doing something that isn’t allowed?” Gwen scrunching up her nose as if she smelt something disgusting. Just as she thought James Potter was walking down the stairs with Remus Lupin. Gwen recognized the smell of his disgusting after shave, “You would think that someone would give him detention for contaminating the atmosphere with that horrible stench”

And yet I recall a time when that smell made you swoon.

Oh shut up before I bring up Blacks “charming” smile that made you trip over your own feet.

“Where are we getting the itching powder from” Lily whispered as the two Marauders walked by without even so much as glancing in their direction.

“We’re making it silly!” Gwen said pulling Lily up and walking towards their dorm to show her the ingredients. After a couple of hours of playing around with the ingredients, they created the ultimate itching powder.

The day of the Quidditch Match they got up at dawn and went down to the Quidditch Pitch. They were careful not to be seen as they walked into the the changing rooms. They were empty so carefully they walked in and went directly to the lockers that said “Potter” and “Black”. Lily worked her magic and was able to open the lockers. First they carefully sprinkled the powder on Black’s robes making sure that they added extra powder so his little soldier would be content. Gwen then accidently got powder on her wrist so she had to go wash it off. Lily was chuckling at Gwen’s misfortune when the changing room door opened.

Lily didn’t know what else to do so she jumped into Potter’s locker and tried to squeeze herself against the back of it. She remembered her wand and a spell she had been practicing because Lily is a little nerd.

I recent that. I’ll remind you of this comment when we’re studying for Charms.

I’m sorry Lils! Who loves you?

Don’t pout you look like a dog

But I’m an adorable dog. So anyway. Lily remembered a spell that made her blend in with her background. She quickly tapped her head just as Potter was opening his locker. He looked inside sleepily as he took his robes and began to strip down. Lily’s face began to turn red at the sight of his muscular body...

That’s not true!

You’re blushing right now dear. It’s ok, he’s a jerk but oh dear Merlin does that jerk have nice abs!

Just shut up and continue. He’s the spawn of satan of course he’s going to be good looking. That way he can fool innocent girls like you.

I call it temptation. Ok so luck was on Lily’s side because he seemed to remember he had to take something out of the captain’s office and turned to leave. Lily was dumb enough to put her hand in the way so that the locker wouldn’t close, therefore her hand was smashed by Potty head Potter. As soon as Potter was in the office Lily jumped out of the locker, her hand was throbbing and still she managed to throw a good amount of itching powder on the robes before she left. Gwen had already snuck out by then and was waiting anxiously outside. Once out they ran towards the stadium where there were only a few people. Lily wrapped her throbbing hand in a cold cloth not trusting Gwen’s healing abilities.

Well I’m sorry but I rather be in pain that not have a hand. I think the game is going to start soon.

I wonder if they’ll fall off their brooms... I must not get my hopes up.

Gwen you don’t want jerks on your conscious. I hear they haunt you for eternity constantly asking about your bra size. Oh man I wish I had a camera! I’ll pay to have a picture of this.

I see a Ravenclaw over there with a camera. We’ll ask him for a copy of the pictures. It’s starting! Ready for phase one...

AFTER THE GAME

Oh dear Godric this was classic! I don’t think I’ve ever laughed harder in my life! When Potter came on the pitch wiggling and jumping I knew Lils had over done it.

I swear I even forgot about the pain in my hand!I guess I’m going to tell it because Gwen is rolling on her bed laughing. So both teams walked on to the pitch and Potter was jumping up and down looking like if he was exited to be there or something but his face looked pained. Black was discretely scratching his crotch but looked more controlled than Potter. They somehow managed to get on their brooms. Two minutes into the game Black starts rubbing against his broom like if he was... well you know. Then because of the sweat his whole body starts itching but you could tell he was in pain. His poor ‘little soldier’ must have been burning like crazy! So then Black was just flying around in circles looking in pain. By then everyone in the crowd began to laugh at the show he was putting on. Mean while Potter was flying with the quaffle with this pained expression but I guess it got to be too much for him because he crashed into the big hoop thingy the Keeper looks after. He fell, unfortunately he was ok enough to get up screaming ans scratching his little soldier like crazy. Everyone by then was laughing so much that the game had stopped. Black had managed to drop two of the Ravenclaw chasers and was scratching his little soldier with his beater bat thing. Gwen and I couldn’t breathe we were laughing so hard. They were both completely red in the face when they ran out of the stadium.

You know how they say that vengeance is sweet? Well its not only sweet but it also beyond gratifying! I knew I’d feel good to see those jerks have a taste of their own medicine but I never expected it to feel so good! When Potter crashed... Merlin I thought HELL YES!

Did you see their faces when they walked into the Common Room? It was so classic! Our next prank has to be something even better! We have to make them wish they were someone else!

I’m sure we’ll think of something! I hope the whole school keeps talking about this for at least 2 weeks! That would be amazing! Oh Godric imagine if their little soldiers are permanently disabled! Ha that would make their life as players come to an end!

We might have stopped them from reproducing! I think we did humanity a favour! Lets go down to the Common Room to enjoy our glory. I now understand why the Marauders play pranks, it feels so good!

Oh but there is a big difference... we are doing it to jerks who deserve it! I think we are like super heros! Wonder Woman!

I’d rather be Poison Ivy thank you very much! New code names for us! I’m Poison Ivy and you’re Wonder Woman!

Those code names work! PI and WW

***

A/N: So this story seems to have an appeal towards my good lady friends can you believe that my brother said I was a femenist? As if! Thanks so much for the feedback it makes we work harder to post faster! So I hope you liked this chapter it made me laugh. Remember to leave feedback! Thanks to everyone who's been helping with this! You guys rock!
feedback please

Charms

Lily come on don’t be such a pansy! It won’t hurt at all! Who cares what stupid Snape thinks!

He’s right though! I don’t need a make over! I like myself the way I am! I’m done trying to change!

But I’m not changing you on the inside! Its just going to be a lot easier to fulfil the plan if we both look a little more attractive. Don’t roll your eyes at me!

I don’t think I look that bad Gwen! What do you want me to change? Plus where are we going to get a stylist?

Ok first off I know a place in Hogsmeade. There’s a trip this weekend so we can go then. Secondly Lils have you seen yourself in a mirror lately? Your eye brows (rather I should say eye brow) are starting to resemble McGonagall’s! You complexion is horrid and to be honest I don’t like your hair style.

Oh yeah well you have a mustache and a beard worthy of Dumbledore and you don’t see me pointing that out!

I’m getting a make over too Lily! We need to look our absolute best now! Oh and our clothes have got to change!

Dear Merlin Gwen! I don’t have money to buy new clothes! Its silly to want to waste money on clothes! Did we suddenly turn into shallow girls?

Its not being shallow dear its thinking of the plan. We don’t have to buy new clothes! I’ll show you when we get back to the dorm. I’ve been working on a few ideas. So then its on?

I don’t really have a choice do I? But just so you know there really isn’t much you can do for my hair. It is after all rather short

Don’t worry about it! They work miracles where we’re going!

Well I hope you’re right because I don’t want to end up bald or something! But I guess you’re right, a little change wouldn’t hurt... too much.

Three Broomsticks

It did hurt! I don’t even feel like me anymore! See normally when you go to the salon they cut your hair not make it longer!

I think you look amazing Lils! I told you long hair suited you! Look at all these guys oogling us! Is it that our school is full of pigs? Never mind they answered that themselves. Stop pouting Lily you look amazing! Ok fine rant away.

So I wake up this morning and you had completely destroyed my favorite jeans! I feel like I can’t breathe! They are like two sizes to small and people can practically see my butt! Then my favorite green t-shirt you turn it into some fruity top that also fits me too tight and also shows way too much! As if that isn’t enough you drag me to a beauty salon!

Aw come on Lils you were laughing your butt off with those guys! I told you they were great!

Alright the guys were amusing but I still don’t like my new look! So we walk into this colourful little place and this very... happy guy greets us.

Lily I know that gay does mean happy but its ok to say that the guy was gay. You aren’t going to hell for saying something that is a fact. Plus its a known fact that gay guys make the best of friends! They have amazing style and are good with giving advice!

Whatever I’m ranting here! So anyway this guy was rather good looking and very friendly, he takes us into the shop where there are more.... happy fellows. They were very funny talking trash about men. They asked us what we wanted and Gwen right away said that we wanted to look amazingly beautiful. So this guy Danny takes me and sits me down while some other guy Enrique takes Gwen to the other side of the room. So Danny sits in front of me with a quill and parchment and begins scribbling and staring at me while shaking his head.

“Honey what did you do too your hair?” he said slightly annoyed. I limit my response to a shrug. “Ok darling I need you to trust me completely. I’m going to make you look like a queen!”

“I’d settle with something that doesn’t scream ‘look at me I’m a freak’” I said looking very scared. He smiled a perfectly as I looked into his deep chocolate eyes. I bit my lip and closed my eyes. Then he gave me some drink. I innocently thought that it was tea to help me relax but then I recognized the flavour from potions class.

“Oh honey you’re turning pale! I gave you the right potion! Don’t worry its not toxic its just... your face structure is not for short hair at all!” He said running his fingers through my now long hair. I kind of spaced out after that. He went on and on about his life and asked questions about mine asking if I was doing this for a boy. I told him it was to hurt a boy and he was thrilled! After what felt like hours I was finally “ready”. He had taught me the right way to put on make up so that it would bring out my best features or something like that. When he let me see myself in the mirror I swear my jaw dropped open. That was not me! I hated it! I looked like one of those air heads that drool over Black and Potter! My red hair was no longer short but was long and in stylish layers. My eyes looked bigger and greener than before, my eyebrows looked thin and had the perfect shape. Hell even my complexion was different! I had small pimples, nothing out of the ordinary well even those were gone! My lips were suddenly full and now my outfit was perfect for me. I was about to scream when I heard Gwen shriek with pleasure. I ran over to her and for the second time that day my jaw dropped. The girl standing in front of me couldn’t possibly be my best friend Gwen Patterson! Her hair seemed darker some how and was now above her shoulders with a cute layered look and a side fringe.

As if changing what I looked like completely wasn’t enough, they took about 1000 pictures of us because apparently we were one of their “master pieces”! I mean I may look like a silly bimbo but I will not be refered to as an object! The only reason I didn’t slap them was because I was out numbered!

That and I hear gay guys are feistier than you are!

Gwen this is not funny! I don’t feel like myself anymore! I feel like some red headed version of Barbie!

I wouldn’t say Barbie but you do look smokin! Oh Merlin do you see who’s coming over here? Don’t look now but Marauders 2 o’clock. Act cool...

FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH BUTT FACE

Those guys are the biggest pigs I’ve ever met in my entire life! How could they not recognize us? 4 years of making our life hell and suddenly they don’t know who we are but they now think we’re hot! I could have castrated Potty head Potter right there and then!

And yet you seemed to manage the situation a lot better than I did. But your make over plan worked pretty well then. We are now on the Marauders “to do” radar. Too bad Black wasn’t there, but I think Lupin has it bad for you.

You know Lupin isn’t as bad as the rest of them but he’s still a Marauder so he’s scum. I think I might just date him to get close to Black.

You know I had never realized just how slimy and disgusting Potter really is.

“Hello ladies! Can we sit here?” he asked as he had ALREADY sat down. Gwen nodded smiling very sexily. I was really impressed Gwen.

Hey I am a great actress. Can I write it Lils while you check my potions essay please! I’ll help you with Transfiguration if you help me!

Fine but no ego please, I’ve had enough for one day.

“Are you girls new this year? I don’t think we’ve seen you around” Lupin said staring at me. I mean I know I looked gorgeous but there’s something called being subtle. That is why I reckon girls are more powerful than guys. We have this way of jumbling up their brains with our looks. Shallow as a shower mind you.

“No we aren’t new. I think you guys aren’t very observative is all” Lily said sounding slightly harsh. Potter seemed amused by her attitude, I could tell because he put on his best seductive smile that actually makes him look like a fool.

“Well then shame on us for not noticing such beautiful girls! I’m James by the way but you can call me hot stuff” Potty head said to Lily. She rolled her eyes but forced a smile on her face. “The guy drooling over there is Remus, you can call him uber dork brain”

“He doesn’t look like a dork brain. Actually I bet he can control his ego a lot better than you” I said in a flirty tone. Lupin beamed and Potty head smirked.

“So are you girls going to tell us your names or are we going to have to guess?” Lupin said a little more in control. Lily looked at me for the answer. I guess she wasn’t sure if we were going to give our real names. Hell I didn’t know if we were going to be honest but then I remembered that they wouldn’t know our names anyway so we might as well be honest.

“Well we were hoping that you guys had amazing seer abilities” I smirked as Lily laughed and Potty head snorted.

“Divination is a load of rubbish” Potty head said not taking his eyes off Lily. I guess its like baseball for him, he doesn’t take his eyes off the target, “I’ll give it a try though... your name is something as beautiful as you are”

“That wasn’t really a guess, it was more like a compliment” Lily replied smiling. I could tell she wanted to scratch Potty heads eyes out. I guess Potter saw it as of she was flirting with him.

“You look like a beautiful Rose, is your name Rose?” Potter said staring at Lily so intently I was sure she was going to slap him. I had to do something before she did.

“You were close smart guy. Her name is Lily and I’m Gwen” I said smiling at Remus who suddenly looked towards Lily.

“Yes I think you know remember me vaguely don’t you? I’m a prefect” Lily said harshly. Lupin looked so concentrated on trying to remember Lily but he seemed to fail. That is really something because they were in all the prefect meetings since the year began. I think they’ve even patrolled the corridors together.

“You’re name suits you perfectly Lily. It’s beautiful just like you” Potty head said. Lily opened her mouth to reply but I kicked her under the table. “How about you girls join us for a nice walk”

“Its freezing outside Potter” Lily replied coldly. This didn’t seem to discourage Potter. Quite the contrary he seemed to find it a challenge. That is so bloody typical. A guy goes after what he can’t have but if there is something he can have he doesn’t want that! Guys can kiss my butt!

You’d like that wouldn’t you Gwen dear

Depends on who... kidding.

“We have to go back to the castle, I have an essay to finish” I said getting up and winking at Lupin. He seemed to blush slightly but grin in a pompous manner, “See you boys around”

“We’ll walk with you” Potter said getting up. I lost it for a moment and gave him my best withering glare. He looked taken a back but ignored it. Typical Poopy head Potter not being bright enough to realize when a girl is trying to get rid of him. We walked out into the cold and he and Lily walked ahead. Well it was more like Lily was trying to walk away from him and he was chasing her like a puppy dog. I think many girls (Lily included) under estimate the power of make up and a good outfit.

“Are you sure you aren’t new?” Lupin asked me while we walked towards the castle. I nodded smiling satisfied that I looked so different. “I know I’m not the most observant guy but I reckon I’d have noticed you before. Are you in my year?”

“Yes I’m in 5th year and wait for it... I’m also in Gryffindor” I said adding a little note of resentment. He looked ashamed. “Don’t worry Remus, I didn’t really expect you to know who I was” I started to remember how Lupin was always reluctant to pull pranks on us but he went along with it. He never stood up for us and even laughed and pointed after a while.

“I must be so thick!” he said looking really embarrased. Either he’s an even better actor than me or he really was embarrassed. Either way I agree he is very thick along with all of his friends.

Then dear Merlin Lily almost messed everything up!

Come on Gwen what did you expect me to do? He’s my friend I’ve told you about 1000 times! This plan is important but I’m not going to forget my friendship with Sev just because of it!

So Lupin and I were finally catching up to Lily and butt face Potter when suddenly Potter spots Snape. I don’t know what’s up with them but they seem to hate each other. I mean I have a reason to hate Potter but Snape I reckon he just wants to be like him.

Seriously Gwen don’t **** me off! Sev is 1000 times better than Potter and you know it! He’d never do what Potter did to you!

Whatever I’m not going to fight with you over this Lils. So Potter shoots a spell at Snape. Now Snape wasn’t really paying attention so the spell hit him. Suddenly Snape’s butt began to swell up. I mean ok, ok Potter is a jerk but at least he’s creative. So Lily freaks out and kicks Potter in the shin and tries to help Snape out. Potter seems to find the whole situation so funny that he shoots another spell at Snape but this time Lily deflected it and it bounced off and hit Lupin. Suddenly Lupin's head began to swell. Now I started to chuckle. I probably shouldn’t have laughed so much but come on! It’s not every day you get to see a Marauder with their head the size its actually supposed to be.

So butt face Potter first laughs at Lupin the deflates his head, while Lily works her magic on Snape who looks like he’s in a large amount of pain. She screams at Potter that he’s the worlds biggest jerk. See I thought she had ruined the plan but I guess I was wrong because Potter starts laughing! He seems fascinated because there’s actually a girl who can resist his charms.

He’s lucky I only yelled! I know a couple of good hexs that would leave a mark! He’s such a imbecile, a bloody pathetic excuse for a male.... Oh dear Merlin!

Why are you jumping? Stop jumping people are staring! Lily control yourself!

I just got our next prank Wonder Woman!

How about you fill me in instead of laughing like an idiot!

Lets go up to the dorm and I’ll tell you! Lets just say that this is a prank that no one will ever forget! Hell no one will ever let the Marauders live it down!

**
A/N: Ok so this chapter isn't as good as the other two because well I kinda lost my edge but by the end I got it back! I'm already working on the next chapter and let me say that the newest prank is a major knee slapper! So once again thanks for the feedback! Seriously without it I don't think I'd be as motivated to write as I am! Oh and the names of the gay stylists are my hair dressers! Amazing guys! They honestly work wonders . Oh and there is a phrase in there of a Cute is What We Aim For song Thanks again for everything gals and I hope the font is better this time!

Feedback!

Most amazing prank.

I have to hand it to you Lils you really are a genius! I thought my schemes were evil but you are truly the master. I must bow!

I’d like to think Potter for giving me the idea by showing what big of a jerk he could be. I think this is going to be hard to top. I will forever remember Black’s embarrassed scream as he ran out of the great hall!

Did you see that Potter tripped on the heels on the way out? I thought I was going to die from laughing. I even got a picture! I must point out that Black has nice legs. I’m dying I’m laughing so hard!

Well one of us has to gain control to write this down before we forget the details. I’ll start since you just dropped the ink all over your books.

“Lily explain what you have planned! I’m just itching to know!” Gwen said laughing at her own joke. The genius Lily sat calmly on her bed as her friend Gwen looked annoyed by Lily’s calmness. “Lily Evans if you don’t tell me right now I’ll tattoo Mrs. Lily Potter!”

“Come on that is below the belt right there” Lily said scowling. Gwen suddenly started laughing, “What?”

“You don’t have what males have Lils, if I hit you ‘below the belt’ it doesn’t matter!” Gwen said laughing stupidly, “So how about you just start explaining!”

“Fine, the idea just came to me. What are Potter and Black very proud of?” Lily asked as she began to pace the room. Gwen was quiet waiting for her to continue, “They consider themselves superior to everyone else. They pride themselves in their ‘manhood’ and being ‘irresistible’ to women. We’ve already hit them where it hurts the most physically now lets do it emotionally or should I say...psychologically”

“Ok so you want to make them feel less like men?” Gwen asked looking very concentrated. You could practically hear the little hamster running around in her head.

“That is literally what I have in mind. What if we drug them, nothing to strong just a mild sleeping potion, dress them as women, I mean really like tube tops and mini skirts just the way they like girls. I think even fishnet stockings and don’t forget the heels and make up”Lily said smiling widely. Gwen began to laugh at the visual the brilliant Lily had created, “And as the cherry on top of the sundae, we lay them on the teachers table in a... compromising manner”

“Lils you are amazing! This is exactly what those two need!” Gwen said still laughing as tears began to stream down her face. “When do you want to do it?”

“Next Monday because that’s when all the teachers arrive later. They have a meeting so everyone is in the great hall before them” Lily said grinning smugly. “We can figure out a way to get them out of their dorm”

So the girls went on laughing and planning their evil deed all week. They had everything planned out and even a few back-up plans if needed. Sunday night they were sitting in the common room waiting for the right moment. It was past midnight when everybody finally went to bed. They waited another half hour just to make sure that no one would wake up and see them.

“Ok lets go” Lily said as she handed Gwen a small goblet filled with a murky substance, “This is the benefits of Slughorn liking me”

“Ew essence of Cindy “the light switch” Murdock” Gwen said as she threw in a single blonde hair into the goblet. Lily shuddered slightly as she dropped black hair into her own goblet, “Oh man my shirt isn’t going to fit after I drink this! Cindy’s jugs are bigger than mine!”

“Well my jeans are going to literally rip! Kitty Clark has way to much “junk in the trunk” as Black once said” Lily said as she pinched her nose and tipped, “I should start meowing now”

Both girls drank the contents of their goblets and gagged. They silently set them down as they began to transform into different girls.

I want to tell this part Lils.

When the transformation was over their IQ had dropped about 100 points. Their brains were now at the level of a slug.

“So Lily you look like a bimbo” Gwen said in a terribly high pitched voice. Just as she suspected her shirt which used to hang pretty loosely on her was now very tight. She could hardly see her feet, “I don’t know how Cindy does it! My back is aching and its only been two minutes”

“I can’t breathe in these jeans! No joke! I think they’re cutting off the circulation to my brain” Lily said in a husky female voice. All of Lily’s clothes fit too tight seeing as Kitty was much more... voluptuous than Lily in every way.

“Well on the bright side dear you look like a hot ****” Gwen said giggling in the squeaky voice she hated so much. The girls had figured that the only way to lure the boys out was to become their fantasy. Cindy and Kitty were the easiest and sluttiest girls in the school. They were both in their house except in 7th year. Both Black and Potter were waiting for their turn to have a “go” at them.

“Come on lets get going before I pass out from lack of thoughts in my brain” Lily said grumpily as she led the way to the boys dorms. They walked in quietly and heard several snores and grunts. Lily muttered something towards the other three boys and smiled. “Its a charm Sev taught me. All they’ll hear is a slight buzzing sound like static”

“Right...” was all Gwen said as to avoid another fight with Lily over her slimy friend. Lily walked over straight towards Potter’s four poster bed an sat on the edge. Gwen not being as patient as Lily climbed right on Blacks bed and sat on top of him. She laid her hand over his mouth so he wouldn’t scream. His grey eyes looked stupidly asleep then surprisingly alert when he saw who it was. Gwen tried Cindy’s best sexy smile and climbed off. Lily had already awaken Potter and was standing next to Gwen. The took each others hands and giggled silently. They motioned the boys towards the doors and as expected they thought with their little brains.

“Come on boys we have a little treat for you” Lily said in Kitty’s annoying voice. The girls walked down the steps with the boys following closely behind. They didn’t stop at to chat when they reached the Common Room but walked directly out.

“Where are we going?” Potter asked stupidly. His already messy hair looked even messier

“We have a yummy treat for you but we need to go get it. It’s waiting in the Great Hall” Gwen replied giggling like Cindy always did. The girls had decided it’d be easier to lure the boys down to the Great Hall instead of trying to carry them there. They walked swiftly and quietly down towards the Hall. Suddenly both boys pulled the girls against the wall. They then pushed them into an empty room, “What are you doing?”

“Can’t you hear that? There’s someone coming” Potter said rolling his eyes. He seemed annoyed not to be in bed, whether he wanted one of the girls to be in bed with him was something they ignored, “This surprise better be something good”

“Oh it will be, don’t you worry your handsome head” Lily said winking at him. She didn’t seem very happy but she was putting on a good show. Black on the other hand hadn’t let go of Gwen’s arm. That fact seemed to be annoying Gwen but she didn’t mention it.

“Is it safe to go now?” Gwen asked after a couple of minutes. Black got even closer to her and she was about to take a step back but remembered she wasn’t Gwen, she was “light switch” Murdock.

“Let’s go then” Black said in a fake deep voice the girls had heard him use so many times. He must really have a thing for the light switch. The rest of the way was uneventful. Once in the Great Hall they locked the doors and walked sexily over to the table they had set up earlier.

The boys sat down and watched as the girls brought over all sorts of treats including chocolate. Both girls took a piece of chocolate and ate it. Suddenly Black and Potter looked at each other and glared. The girls were startled by their reaction.

“Who are you?” Potter snapped as he stood up quickly

“W-what do you mean?” Lily asked looking surprised

“Everyone knows that Cindy and Kitty don’t eat chocolate because they are allergic! It’s a wide known fact among the male population of Hogwarts! If you give them chocolate you don’t have a chance in hell with them” Black snarled. Lily looked terrified but Gwen simply smiled.

“Now boys we wanted to make it easier on you, fulfilling your kinky little fantasies but you leave us no choice” Gwen said as she whipped out her wand and stunned Black. Potter dived towards the door but he was wandless and the girls weren’t. Gwen also stunned him and rolled her eyes, “They are so not allergic, more like chocolates have too many calories for them”

“Well so much for our plan” Lily said walking over to Potter and putting some binds on him. She then levitated him over to the table, “Lets move fast before the potion wears off”

“Hello boys, welcome to your worst nightmare” Gwen said when they woke the boys. They were both tied down in front of a large mirror. When they saw they were tied they looked scared for the first time that evening. “Now we knew that the only way to get two guys like you out of their dorm was dressing like the school sluts so we aren’t Cindy and Kitty as you guessed”

“Oh to be honest the hardest part was getting into Gryffindor tower” Lily said as she twirled her wand, “Now you two think that it’s fun to go around school messing with everyone and anyone you please? Well we’re here to say your rein is over. There are new pranksters around so beware”

“Who the bloody hell are you? Let us go or you’ll regret it” Potter snapped. His hazel eyes looked furious. Gwen enjoyed that

“How will we regret it if you don’t know who we are?” Gwen smirked. The girls knew they had very little time now. “Ok so Poison Ivy you do the honours”

“It will be my pleasure Wonder Woman!” Lily said as she pointed her wand at Potter. His white t-shirt turned into a pink tube top that was very tight. It showed off his muscular abs.

Gwen then pointed her wand at Black and his pajama bottoms turned into a black mini skirt that seemed to be 2 sizes too small.

“What the hell are you doing?” Black screamed as his t-shirt became a sky blue sequent halter top. The fishnet stockings followed along with the 8 inch heels. “Why are you doing this? We don’t even know who the hell you are!”

“But we know you. Just consider us you’re worst nightmare darlings” Lily replied with anger. Gwen reached out to take a piece of chocolate that had enough sleeping potion to knock them out until breakfast. “Feed them Wonder Woman”

Gwen walked up to Black and gave him a kiss on the cheek, then stuffed the chocolate in his mouth making sure he swallowed. She then walked over to Potter, kissed him lightly on the lips and shoved the chocolate in his mouth. A couple of minutes later both boys were out cold.

“You had to kiss him Gwen?” Lily said rolling her eyes just as she began to turn back into herself.

“I had to know if his lips were as soft as they looked” Gwen said shrugging as she began to put make up on the sleeping boys. “They are damn him”

“Hurry up, I don’t want to get caught out of bed”

“Nice touch the making them think we aren’t in their house” Gwen said as she put fake eye lashes on both boys. Lily beamed. After another few minutes they boys were ready. Lily used the hovering charm and set them on the teachers table while Gwen picked up the mess. She laid Black down first and then Potter on top of him. She then intertwined their fingers on one hand and put Potter’s hand on Blacks leg, while Black hand was on Potter’s butt. “Oh Merlin Lily I’m going to pee!”

“You always say that and yet you never do” Lily said grinning as she looked at her master piece. The girls nodded and summoned one of the house elfs, “Tinky I need you to do me a favour”

“Yes Miss Lily”

“I need you to make sure that no one moves these boys from here until everyone comes into the Great Hall for breakfast” Lily said smiling kindly at the elf who looked confused, “And don’t mention to anyone that we were down here ok?”

“Yes miss Tinky is doing what you is asking” Tinky said shrugging slightly

“Thanks Tinky I owe you one”

“You is not owing Tinky anything. Tinky is to serve you young miss”

The girls quietly and quickly ran back to their bed room where they both had a perfect nights sleep.

My turn again.

The girls were ready for breakfast earlier than other days and yet they sat in the common room not wanting to be the first to arrive. They slowly walked down to the Great Hall feeling unusually perky. They heard the laughing from afar. Camera’s seemed to be flying down the hall dodging people. They ran the rest of the way.

When they walked into the Great Hall everyone was crowded around the teacher’s table pointing and laughing at the two boys still sleeping just how the girls had left them, Almost the entire school was in the great hall by the time they woke up. They opened their eyes slowly and saw that everyone was around them. They suddenly remembered what had happened last night because they jumped off the table looking around trying to find someone. The girls were laughing along with everyone but they didn’t even seem to take notice.

“Nice legs Potter! They are even better than mine” shouted a 5th year Ravenclaw

“Black that colour brings out your eyes” shouted a 6th year Hufflepuff. The crowd was laughing and cat calling.

“You guys should have said you’re gay! I know some guys down in Hogsmeade that would love to meet you” shouted a 6th year Slytherin.

They boys tried to run out of the great hall but couldn’t run in such high heels. They looked humiliated and angry still looking around trying to see if they recognized someone. Potter fell twice on the way out and Black tore his skirt exposing the red thong that Gwen had magically put on him.

I saw that you checked out his bum Lils

Me and every other female in that room including you!

That is true. Anyway this was so amazing! We have to think of something to top this! But I think we need to lay low for some time.

Yeah they’ll be expecting something soon. Good job Wonder Woman

You too Poison Ivy!

***
A/N: Well I did take a little longer with this chapter because I lost my edge! I can say I was using my anger towards this one guy as fuel but the jerk said sorry how dare he?! Anyway I'm back using this other big jerk as inspiration! That's the good thing there are always plenty of jerks around! So I hope you liked the prank and find it as amusing as I did!
Thanks for reading and remember I LOVE feedback so please leave some!

feedback please

Transfiguration

Dear Godric I’m going to murder him! I don’t care if I go to Azkaban! It’d be worth it! Actually I think I might get an Order of Merlin as a reward for doing mankind a favour!

As much as I love reading your angry rants instead of paying attention to McGonagall I’d like to know what the bloody hell is wrong? You face matches your hair by the way.

Ok so here goes the thrilling tale of why I’m going to spend the rest of my life in Azkaban.

Well if you do end up in Azkaban I’ll be sure to go visit you!

Don’t mess with me right now Gwen or I’ll throw my shoe at you!

Oh no the shoe! What ever will I do? Nice I rhythm

You know what, I’m not telling you anything

I’m just kidding Lils! Lighten up! Who ****ed you off so much?

I was walking out of the library with my text books just minding my own business when out of the blue Potter runs into me. So I glared and picked up all of my books trying to ignore him as much as I could. He looks at me and smiles stupidly.

“I’m sorry gorgeous, I didn’t mean to run into you” Potter said in a sick sleazy voice, “Actually yes I did. I wanted to be able to start a conversation with you and I figure getting in your way was the best option”

“You’re an idiot Potter. I have class” I said snatching a book out of his hands. Remind me to boil that when we get back to the dorm.

I say you should burn the book! It has Potter germs! It’s damaged forever!

You don’t burn books Gwen. It’s a crime. Anyway I picked up my books and began to walk away suddenly Potter reaches out and grabs my arm!

Oh dear Merlin Lils we’re going to have to burn you too! Or maybe just cut your arm off!

Don’t be drastic, I’ll just boil it. Anyway I turn back glaring, you know my most amazing withering glare.

“Don’t touch me with your sleazy hands Potter!” I snapped trying to get my arm out of his grasp. He unfortunally has a strong grip

Its those damn sexy hands of his! I swear if I didn’t hate him as much as I do, I’d still be in love with his sexy hands!

If you weren’t my friend I’d consider having you committed to St. Mungos for that last statement.

“Oh come on Evans you know you’re dying for me to touch you some more” Potter said smirking. How on earth did he learn my name?! Just a few weeks ago he didn’t know I existed! By then I was so ****ed off I dropped all of my books and stomp on his foot. He grins at me apparently not feeling any pain what so ever. “I bought these shoes last time I went to London. Muggles are pretty creative, I think they call them ‘steel toe boots’ something like that”

“Unless you have a death wish, I recommend you stay the hell away from me!” I said and turned around to pick up my books. He took my waist and pulled me up against him! I was so bloody mad that I elbowed him as hard as I could in the stomach. He doubled over in pain as I picked up my books and walked away. I can’t believe he pulled me up against him!

Ew! His little soldier was on your...

Gwen! That’s not funny!

Ok I’m sorry but that explains why Potter is staring at you with a mixture of annoyance and amusement. Oh dear Merlin Lils he just did the hair thing.

What hair thing?

When ever he likes a girl he tends to ruffle his hair up so it looks like he just got off his broom. I guess he thinks that girls find him sexier that way.

Do you know just how completelysad it is that you know that? Not to mention how stalker like you seem just by knowing that? Do you also know what colour his favourite knickers are? Or his mother’s maiden name?

I’ll admit I do know his mum’s maiden name but because my aunt Paige is good friends with her since school. I’m not his stalker I just observe.

Now make a creepy face and say “I’ll be watching you”

Oh so now Potter gave you his sense of humour? I didn’t know that little soldiers did that when in contact with a certain body part!

Oh no you didn’t Gwen Patterson!

Oh yes I did... Truce? So I can tell you what happened today. Its quite interesting in fact.

What did Black show you his butt?

No, no. I have that picture though. I heard Black and Lupin talking about who might be pulling the pranks of them. You know I hate Lupin for being smart! I mean Black and Potter are smart when it comes to other things but the are what I would call dim.

That’s because they think mainly with their “little brain”. Oh dear Godric! Maybe Lupin would fit in with the guys at the salon!

Why can’t you simply say GAY! The correct way of stating what you just wrote is “maybe Lupin is gay”. I seriously don’t understand you at times

Shut up and tell me what you over heard.

Shut up and tell... nice sentence Lily

“I’ve been thinking of who could be messing with us Moony” Black said as they walked out of the Common Room towards their next class. I was quietly walking behind them looking down, “I reckon its Snivellous and his gang of Slytherin’s. They want to bring down the Marauders”

“Um Padfoot let me just point out that the pranks don’t seem to be directed towards the Marauders. More like they’re for you and Prongs.” Lupin said shaking his head slightly, “Plus these jokes seem too intelligent for the Slytherin’s. Didn’t you say that the girls said that even if you didn’t know them they knew you?”

“Yes, not in those words specifically but yes that is more or less what they said” Black said with a confused look. You could almost hear the wheels turning in his head. I swear I could almost smell the burning rubber. “So you think that they really are girls?”

“The pranks seem to be attacking first your physical manhood, then your ego” Lupin said smirking. I swear Lils I could have killed him, “I reckon no guy would be so vile. My best guess is that they are girls but then again you never know”

“But what kind of girl would want to hurt us? We’re so adorable! I doubt any girl would want to hurt this handsome face” Black said grinning. Lupin shook his head.

“A phrase comes to mind by a muggle author that says ‘Heaven hath no rage like a love to hatred turned nor hell a fury like a woman scorned’ wise man I must say” Lupin said as they walked into the transfiguration classroom. I was so damn ****ed at that meddling fool! I thought for sure we were about to be exposed but then Black opened his mouth.

“Moony you need to stop reading girly romance novels. They are affecting your brain. NO girl would even be able to pull such pranks off. Pranks are a male thing, females kick and throw fits, not get even. I know these things. I've had more girls than you have” Black said as I sat down at our table. Lupin shook his head and suddenly he looked over at me. I pretended to be looking at my essay as he smirked at me.

“You underestimate women my friend” was the last thing I hear Lupin say.

See I was worried Black being smart enough to figure out who was behind all of this but he is after all an incompetent male.

Oh Merlin Lupin is gay! Only a gay guy would be able to quote William Congreve so perfectly

He could be gay or maybe he's just smart. I dunno. So I’ll see you in Charms? I have to talk to McGonagall after class

About what?

I’ll tell you later. See you in Charms! You take the book.

Charms

Good news! I’m so completely happy! Two things happened!

Calm down! Flitwick just looked over here! He’s going to think we’re working on cheering charms instead of Silencing Charms. What happened?

So I had been thinking of something ever since we first came to Hogwarts but I never actually tried to achieve it because I was scared but now I’ve been thinking how lame it is for me to be scared. So I asked McGonagall if I could start a student Magazine! She said that as long as it wasn’t tosh like Witch Weekly that I could, but she’d have to give it the final ok and that I have to get others to help me with it! I’m thinking our main article could be a Boys vs Girls piece! I dunno but I’m so excited! I’m going to make some fliers to put up in all 4 Common Rooms like McGonagall said!

Look at you all reporterish! This is a great idea Gwen! We can actually get our ideas heard! Imagine the kind of power you’ll have in your quill!

Of course you’ll be helping me! We’re a team! Poison Ivy and Wonder Woman! Thick as thieves!

Of course! So what other thing happened?

Well as I was walking out of the Transfiguration classroom and towards next class I saw Black. He was walking with some slutty looking 6th year. I dunno why but he said good bye to the girl and began to walk away. So he turns towards where I was and since I was smiling as wide as I could I must have been looking pretty good.

Ego dear

No I’m serious!

No you’re Gwen though you are talking about Sirius... ok bad joke carry on.

So I guess he liked what he saw because he held my gaze and smiled. He was so busy looking at me that he didn’t notice a wall and walked straight into it. He hit his head pretty badly. Lily control yourself! Flitwick is going to end up coming over here!

He crashed into a wall? Did you take a picture?!

I was too busy seeing if he hadn’t killed himself! He was out cold when I walked over to him. Pettigrew and Potter arrived shortly after that and took him to the Hospital Wing. I was in tears I was laughing so hard. I guess I must have cause quite the impression!

We need to control your ego dear or else you’ll end up like them!

So today was a good day. I got a shot at being editor of a magazine, I got the attention of my target and you got felt up by Potter!

I think the first article I’ll write for your magazine is a piece called “Ways to torture your best friend”. I like that. It has a nice ring to it.

I was thinking more along the lines “The best day of my life” the first line would be... “his strong hands reached out to take my waist, sending an electrical charge up my spine. I felt butterflies as I felt him so near me”... Lily are you blushing?!

Its not a blush, its the red that comes to my face when I’m about to kick you! Seriously Gwen there are times when I don’t understand why we are friends!

I’m just teasing. Don’t look now but Flitwick is coming.

***
A/N: Well another chapter! Um yeah this one has no action but I'm setting things up for future chapters. I have to think ahead! I'm sorry its so dull but bare with me please. So thanks so much for your support and your feedbacks. Honestly it's what gives me the inspiration to write. That and all the jerks I know . So thanks for reading! You rock!

Feedback please!

Library

I’ll kill McGonagall! I knew it was too good to be true! How dare she?! They are going to ruin everything!

Calm down and explain to me what happened?

The three jerks showed up as a response to the jobs for the magazine. Potter wants to write about sports, Black about music and Lupin about books! I tried to tell them that all the spots where filled but just then McGonagall walked in and said that as an editor I had to be partial about this! Partial my butt! She probably wants to shag them as soon as they become of age!

Umm Gwen thats just plain sick. I think you might be over-reacting...

OVER REACTING! Lily they are going to ruin this for me! You know they are idiots! I don’t want to have to spend my free time around them! One thing is me wanting to get pay back another thing is wanting them near me.

Does the expression “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” ring a bell? Come on you’re acting like if you were afraid to have them close to you! We are super heros! They are trash!Don’t act like if being close to Black or Potter had some sort of effect on you. Are you still hung over Potter?

No! Of course not! I’m just tired of them always getting their way! There is nothing that they can’t obtain! All they have to do is bat their stupid eyes and pout! Of course we all must bow down before them just because they are... everyone’s idealism of perfection?!

Try to see it as a good thing Gwen. There really isn’t much you can do. I know that its unfair but lets face it, life deals us each a different hand. We just have to make the best of it. Calm down girl, you’ll get wrinkles.

I want ice cream

Lets go get you some ice cream then.
**

HOW MUCH DO GUYS REALLY KNOW ABOUT GIRLS?

It is often believe that women are a mystery to men. Most men seem to believe that a woman’s mind is a labyrinth, in which any male may get lost. I began to ponder on the matter of how much guys really know about girls. This reporter went undercover to try to get a better idea of what the male population of Hogwarts believe girls are thinking.

Q: What is the best way to get a girls attention?

A: I asked Slytherin’s seeker Ian Wilberg, who is known to be a ladies man what his thoughts were on the matter and he replied:

“Girls love to hear that they are hot. You have to get into some cheesy lines like ‘your eyes are like the sun that shines light into my life’. Chicks dig things like that. What they don’t know is that you say that to at least 3 or 4 girls at a time. Me, I normally pick the one who snogs the best”

Q: What do you think girls look for in a guy?

A: Trevor Clark from Ravenclaw gave me his incite on this matter.

“Well I over heard Janelle the other day say that she wanted at a ‘big guy’. I personally think that girls like guys who have a good amount of money in their vault. Girls love typical pretty rich boys who can give them everything even if they don’t have a brain on their head. Most women are gold diggers”

Q: How often do you lie to a girl?

A: Sirius Black Gryffindor’s beater replied:

“Mate of course lying to a girl is necessary! Do you think I’d have shagged as many girls as I have if I didn’t lie? Girls love to be lied to about everything. It keeps them happy. I lie to girls to keep them happy and it works. Now when I want to get rid of them I tell them the truth. That always seems to make them go running for dear life. More like running to complain to their girlfriends about what a jerk I turned out to be.”

Q: How important are looks?

A: Again Sirius Black of Gryffindor informed me about this.

“What kind of idiotic question is that? Of course look matter! Only looks matter in my book. I refuse to shag a girl who isn’t at least at my level. I of course have to stoop lower because there are hardly girls of my level in this school but they have to have a nice rack. I don’t care so much about the face but the body has to me divine. I wouldn’t be caught dead with some of the girls in this school. You’d think their parents would transfigure them slightly to make them less appalling to behold. But people now a days tell ugly girls that its all about inner beauty. Maybe in the future when I’ve shagged enough girls but right now all I care about are looks.

Q: What do you think girls what to do on a first date?

A: I asked James Potter, star seeker on the Gryffindor team what he thought.

“It depends really on whether you want to get some at the end of the night. With some girls it’s enough to take them for a ride on your broomstick and then take them on another ride... if you know what I mean. But other girls are tougher to convince. You have to go all out for them. Candle lit dinner in the Astronomy tower, soft music playing in the background, wearing your best clothes. You also have to act like a gentlemen, you know opening doors, pulling out chairs, the whole act. Then at the end of the night they are drooling over you. You have them all set up to get in their pants. Its a fail proof plan! It’s been tested by me on several occasions!”

As you can see the guys I interviewed don’t seem to have the faintest idea of what girls want. If the males reading this article want to know what girls want, don’t do anything these guys have done.

-Poison Ivy.

This was my first article for the Magazine. Of course I had to go undercover for this article. It was disgusting really because I used Polyjuice potion for it... I became Peter Pettigrew! It was gross but worth it. I can’t wait to see the reaction! I got Gwen to publish it with my official pen name. I did another piece about You-Know-Who with my real name, but this had to be by Poison Ivy.

Common Room

I can’t believe it Gwen! I’ve never been so hurt in my life!

Lils don’t cry! He’s not worth it! He’s a jerk just like everyone else! I can’t believe he said that when you totally defended him!

I don’t even understand why he’s so mad at me! I mean come on! I’ve been nothing but a good friend to him! His words infuriated me but they also hurt me! I mean come on even stupid Potter stood up for me! Stupid jerk!

I think you better explain in here what happened. I suppose it shows that the plan is working.

You do it. I have to go see what Snape wants. You heard Mary, he won’t leave unless I go out there. First I’m going to go change and shower.

Right ok fine I’ll write...

So its the end of the first year of the plan. We took our last OWL today. So far the plan is working perfectly. Well for Lily anyway. Potter seems to have taken a certain interest in her. To the level that he asks her out often. We’ve decided that she’s going to continue to turn him down until we finish with the pranks.

Lily’s article had an amazing effect. Most girls were disgusted with them but there are still a lot of bimbos that go out with them anyway. It’s surprising the amount of shallow girls there are in our school. Never the less there have been more wonderful articles by both Poison Ivy and Wonder Woman. Black even came up to me the other day to ask who was writing those articles and I said that I didn’t know, that someone normally sent them to me by owl and that I thought they were very well written. He tried to flirt with me but I just yawned and he didn’t risk his ego.

Ok so what has Lily so worked up is that today as we were talking about our last OWL exam we saw that there was a group of people near the lake. We went to go see what was going on. More like Lily dragged me to see what was going on because she’s prefect and she has to break up fights and so on. When we get there Snape is hanging upside down in the air by the ankle. Normally I don’t mind when someone picks on Snape because to be quite honest he gets on my nerves but whatever. The Marauders went over board! He was out numbered and wandless. Of course Lily stood up for him and insulted Potter like she loves to do. But do you think that Snape was grateful? NO! He dared to call her mudblood! I was appalled! The only reason I didn’t hex him was because Potter beat me to it! Plus Lily is known for being able to take care of herself.

The thing is that Lily and Snape have been friends since before Hogwarts so of course that Lily is upset. She loves Snape like a brother. I reckon he has deeper feelings for her but hey what do I know right? I still don’t understand why Snape called her that. I mean I know he’s a jerk to everyone but he adores Lily and I thought he’d never do anything to hurt her.

I guess my perception on men isn’t what it used to be. I’m pretty sure that Potter made him pay for it. He’s pretty love sick over Lily.

So I think I need to work harder on my part of the plan because I’m failing on my end. I have to think of a way to make Black become obsessed with me the way Potter is with Lily. Though to be honest I don’t think I’m a complete failure because he does stare at me a lot and tries to be funny when he’s handing in his article. But I just give him bored looks and stuff. I dunno I have to think it through.

I’m going to go check on Lily.

Hogwarts Express

So Snape just stopped me on my way from the prefects compartment. He said he wanted to talk to me.

Don’t tell me you’re going to forgive him Lils! He’s proved that he’s not the good friend you thought he was! What do you expect from someone who likes the ideas that You-know-Who has!

I’m not going to forgive him Gwen, just chill. That is still a sore subject for me mind. He just managed to **** me off even more!

So that is why the poor door shattered? I thought you’d run into Potter... so what did Snape say?

I was walking back down here and he takes my arm

“Lily we need to talk” he said quietly. I pulled my arm out of his grasp and glared at him

“I think we’ve said everything that needs to be said. Just leave me alone” I said coldly. He looked sad but frustrated. I turned to walk away but he grabbed my arm again, “Don’t touch me!”

“I need to explain why I reacted that way. I need to tell you why I was mad at you in the first place” he said urgently. It made me mad that he said he was mad at me! I mean come on! I didn’t call him grease ball!

“Oh so now you’re mad at me?!”

“I was! But because I read that stupid notebook you and Gwen are always writing in” he said before I could pull my arm away. I suddenly stopped struggling and froze

But that’s impossible! You said that if anyone touched the book, all they’d see was an encrypted code! Plus this book hasn’t been out of our hands!

He explained everything hold on.

“You read what?” I asked stupidly staring at him with embarrassment and anger.

“I saw you and Gwen writing in it once and I was curious to know what was so funny. I thought it was just something for your magazine. But then that article written by ‘Poison Ivy’ it made me think about what I had suggested to you some time ago. I remembered that you’ve always liked Poison Ivy because she loves nature” he explained quickly not loosening his grip on my arm, “One day when you two were busy in the editing room I summoned the book and copied a few bits and pieces from it and returned it to you. It was a code and it took me a while to decode it but I finally did it” he pulled out a long parchment with his messy handwriting and handed it to me.

“This is the first entry we are making. We want to keep record of all of our actions to enjoy them further on. So far we haven’t thought it through very much but we know the basic idea. We are two average girls who have just started their 5th year at Hogwarts. My name is Lily Evans and my partner in crime is Gwen Patterson. Our mission if we chose to accept it is to humiliate and destroy the ego of the biggest butt munchers in our school...

“But I’m an adorable dog. So anyway. Lily remembered a spell that made her blend in with her background. She quickly tapped her head just as Potter was opening his locker. He looked inside sleepily as he took his robes and began to strip down. Lily’s face began to turn red at the sight of his muscular body...

“Gwen not being as patient as Lily climbed right on Blacks bed and sat on top of him. She laid her hand over his mouth so he wouldn’t scream. His grey eyes looked stupidly asleep then surprisingly alert when he saw who it was. Gwen tried Cindy’s best sexy smile and climbed off. Lily had already awaken Potter and was standing next to Gwen. The took each others hands and giggled silently. They motioned the boys towards the doors and as expected they thought with their little brains.

“Come on boys we have a little treat for you” Lily said in Kitty’s annoying voice. The girls walked down the steps with the boys following closely behind. They didn’t stop at to chat when they reached the Common Room but walked directly out...

“Oh come on Evans you know you’re dying for me to touch you some more” Potter said smirking. How on earth did he learn my name?! Just a few weeks ago he didn’t know I existed!

“I think the first article I’ll write for your magazine is a piece called “Ways to torture your best friend”. I like that. It has a nice ring to it.

“I was thinking more along the lines “The best day of my life” the first line would be... “his strong hands reached out to take my waist, sending an electrical charge up my spine. I felt butterflies as I felt him so near me”! Lily are you blushing?!

“You lied to me Lily. You said you didn’t have feelings for that jerk but that just proves you do!” Snape growled at me. I took the parchment and put it in my pocket, “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“What do you want me to clap at your stalker like behaviour? I have never given you a reason for you to believe that I was in love with Potter. You don’t have all the facts so don’t make assumptions!” I snapped at him, “Not that it’s any of your concern but Gwen and I are writing a story about the girls who are messing with the Marauders! We know who they are and thought it’d be funny to have this just incase they got caught so people would be confused as to who did it!”

“I don’t believe you!” he muttered

“You don’t have to believe me! I’m done trying to be your friend” I turned around and walked away leaving him there.

I can’t believe that stupid little scum bag! How dare he meddle in our stuff! Oh dear Godric I’m going to go kill him! First I’ll wash his hair out because that must be torture to him! I cannot believe it! Do you think he bought your story?

I dunno but you need to calm down. Mary is staring at you strangely. I think he won’t say anything because he’s not sure if we’re up to something. We need to work on making the code even tougher to break. What ****es me off is that he could believe that I could be in love with Potter! That is not only gross but also insulting! I thought he knew me better! You were right after all Gwen... Snape isn’t the guy I thought he was.

I don’t mean to sound like the devil’s advocate but only to be fair I think he did it out of jealousy because I reckon he’s in love with you.

Shut up. I don’t want to talk about it. Why don’t you tell me why you looked so happy when I walked in.

Guess who has a date with one of the Marauder’s over the summer? That’s right me! I have a date with Lupin. You should have seen Black’s face. He looked annoyed and surprised that I said yes.

I thought you were staying at my place this summer...

I am. We’re going to meet up in Diagon’s Alley when we go to buy our books and stuff. Come one Lils, this way we not only destroy Black and Potter but also mess with their stupid little gang! They deserve it!

Lupin is a good guy. I’ve gotten to know him better this year... he’s just not brave enough to stand up to his friends. But you know what you’re doing right?

Yes I do! Don’t you worry. So Snape isn’t catching a ride with us is he?

He probably is... he does every year. We can just ignore him, let my mum talk to him.

You know Lils you make a great friend but I hope I never have to be your enemy

I’m scary rawr!

I think a flea just ran away...

***

A/N: I know I took a while to post but I had a busy couple of weeks directing a play and singing in a choir so it took me longer to write but I'm back! Ok so this chapter has some good and some bad . Example I don't like the first part of the chapter but the second part is amusing! Poor Snape! So ok I'm starting to work on the next chapter... maybe I'll take a moment to write a chapter of my other fic Once Upon a Dream... whatever. So thanks you guys for reading and for leaving feedback! I love it! Keep it coming!

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Diagon’s Alley

I told Lily I might need this because I didn't’t know how bored I might be. Lily is currently off at a wonderful book store while I’m sitting here waiting for for her.

Things have been generally interesting today. For one I thought Lupin was going to come alone but it appears Marauders stick together always! So when I saw him he was waiting for me with Potty brain, Black and Pettigrew. Luckily I wasn't alone because if not then I might have ran away before I punched them all. I didn't like the way Black was glaring at me. He has no reason to be angry with me but whatever.

“See Padfoot I told you she would show up” Pettigrew said when we arrived. Black elbowed him hard in the ribs, “Ow”

“Why wouldn't I show up?” I asked arching an eyebrow. Black shrugged as Lupin glared at his friends

“I think its time for you guys to leave” Lupin said shoving Potter who was staring at Lily with a smirk on his face.

“I’ll catch up with you at our usual spot” I muttered to Lily as Lupin continued to push his friends. Lily nodded, “Can I borrow the book? I’m pretty sure I’ll end up needing it”

“Just be careful because the last thing we need is for these idiots to see it” Lily muttered urgently as she handed it to me and I shoved it in my purse. “I’ll see you later Gwen. Later Lupin. Idiots” she said nodding to the other three.

“What are the chances of me getting punched if I follow her?” Potty head asked. I smirked

“Slim to none... Lily doesn't punch, she kicks and hard” I replied shaking my head, “Do yourself a favour and leave her alone”

“She likes the attention whether she admits it or not” Black replied staring really hard at me. It made me feel like he was seeing right through me

“Well it looks like you have no clue what Lily is like” I replied a little harsher than intended. Lupin seemed to notice the way Black was staring at me and looked puzzled, “Are we going Remus?”

“Yeah sure, see you guys later”

“What’s your friend’s problem?” I asked once we were further from them. Lupin looked uncomfortable, “I don’t even know him and he glares at me in that manner?”

“Sirius has some trust issues. At least that’s what he said to me when I asked him why he was so against me going out with you today” Lupin replied as we suddenly stopped, “So do you want to eat here or so you want to go out to the muggle part of London?”

“Well I haven’t really ever explored the muggle part of London so that might be nice” I replied smiling. I needed to make Lupin fall for me so I could get closer to my target.

We walked out of Diagon’s Alley through the Leaky Cauldron. We spoke very little as we walked. Boy of boy is down town London crowded! There were so many people I found myself separated from Lupin several times.

“Is it always this crowded?” I asked as he stopped in front of a little Italian place

“It is but I find it amazing really. I like to people watch and this place right here is one of the best places to do so” he replied pointing towards the restaurant, “The food is amazing come on”

We sat at a table right next to the window. Lupin ordered for the both of us, something that personally annoyed the hell out of me! I mean come on I have a mind of my own! I know he was trying to be a gentleman but come on how about asking for my opinion?

“You look annoyed, is something wrong?” he asked after a moment of silence. Of course something was wrong I was not only angry at him but also at his stupid friend for glaring at me.

“I’m writing a story but I’m trying to grasp something for it” I said before I could stop myself, he looked interested so I continued, “It sounds silly but I’ve never been able to understand to a full level the male mind”

“We can be more complex that girls give us credit for” Lupin said smiling kindly. I was going to have a hard time hating him. He seemed like the type of guy that even though he infuriated me, I could be good friends with

“My main character is a girl who is very much in love with a guy but the guy doesn't’t give her the time of day. She slowly begins to get over him with the help of her friends. One day the guy begins to pay a lot of attention to the girl. This throws her off because he ignored her for so long that she had finally learned to get over him,” I said telling the story quickly hoping he didn't’t see any similarities to real life, “My doubt is why do guys do that? Show no interest until they think the girl doesn't’t want them anymore?”

“Well in the mind of most males ‘the chase’ is the fun part of courting a girl. When guys feel they can have a girl easily they don’t see it as a challenge so it bores them.” Lupin replied smiling just as our food arrived, “But when the girl doesn't’t show interest there is a level of difficulty that there wasn’t before. It’s completely wrong but it’s what most men think”

“Are you one of those guys?”

“Of course not. I’m the type who’d rather enjoy time with the girl I like instead of pushing her away until there is a possibility of losing her” he shrugged, “The reason I know this is because that is what my friends like to do”

“I think I understand but it doesn't’t seem rational to risk losing something that could be amazing over amusement” I replied shrugging.

“It’s just complicated is all” he said chuckling slightly

“I’ve always wondered why you put up with some of the things they do. I mean you don’t seem like the type of person who’d hang out with Potter and Black” I said trying to keep my tone casual. He simply shrugged.

“They are good friends. I admit that sometimes they go over board with their tricks and pranks but they really are great friends.” Lupin said between bites. His eyes seemed to be pleading for me to understand, “They only prank people who deserve it”

“I don’t believe that but ok. I’m not going to ruin this by fighting over unpleasant things” I replied. What he didn't’t know is that he gave me a great idea!

So guys like the chase more than anything else? Well that is what I’m going to give Black. I’m going to tease him like he’s never been teased before. I know I’m not the best looking girl in the school but I have something other girls don’t have. I can resist Sirius Black’s charm.

At the moment I despise him with every fiber of my being! I can’t believe his nerve! I swear if I could do magic out of school I’d have turned him into a slug!

Lupin and I were just finishing our desserts and talking happily. I actually was feeling myself let my guard down with him for a few minutes. He is pretty easy to talk to. Don’t get me wrong, I have no romantic feelings towards him what so ever, I don’t even feel attracted to him. We were talking and he reached across the table to take my hand and I let him. So we were holding hands and suddenly Black bursts in.

“Moony I’ve been looking all over the place for you!” Black said walking in looking slightly annoyed. Lupin looked even more annoyed, “Sorry to interrupt this touching moment”

“Then why did you?” I asked coldly. I was slightly embarrassed about this because I hate feeling vulnerable. Vulnerable is the wrong word to use, more like Black has a way of staring you down that makes you feel like if you were naked. I hate him.

“Wormtail got sick. I can’t find Prongs he seemed to have disappeared and I need help to take Wormtail home. I can’t use magic so I can’t do it alone” Black said in a bored tone. I had a butter knife next to me I wanted to use it! Poor Lupin looked torn between kicking Black and telling him to go rot in hell and going to help his friend.

“Its ok Remus, I understand. We can meet up another time, right now you need to help your friend” I said really meaning it. Like I said, Lupin isn’t as bad as the others. He grows on you.

We walked back to the Leaky Cauldron and split up there. Now I’m waiting for Lily to come back. I should probably go look for her but I just needed to get this in writing before I forgot or before I committed murder. You know just as Black was leaving he smirked at me and winked! Idiot bum brain!

I’m going to go look for Lily

Family room

I can’t believe you pulled me off of him Gwen! He deserved it! He grabbed my butt! First he followed me around all day then he grabbed my butt!

I’m sure it was disturbing but if I hadn’t intervened then maybe right now you’d be in a lot of trouble for under-age magic. Will you please calm down! Your mum is looking at us strangely.

I don’t give a flying monkey’s butt! My mum will find out sooner or later because I’ll be convicted for committing a murder!

As fun as it is to picture you killing Potter you need to fill me in on what’s up! I already informed you of my date with Lupin so now spill because all you kept saying on our way back was swear words.

Long story short. I left you with Lupin and went to buy most of the things we need for school (except for our robes of course because you’re so picky). After I was finished with everything on the list I went to “Muggles R Us” you know where they sell random muggle items and where they have the best muggle books at extremely low prices. So I was looking through a few books just minding my own business when I hear someone laughing behind me.

“You look so sexy when you’re very concentrated” Potter said as he picked up a book. I rolled my eyes and carried on about my book shopping. So he taps my shoulder, “I have a book that you’d like” he then hands me a copy of Pride and Prejudice.

“I didn't’t know you knew how to read Potter” I replied taking the book. Hey it was a first edition!

“I do know how to read. I just don’t waste my time with girly books like this one.” He smirked. How dare he insult the great Jane Austen?! “Someone should have taken the quill away from this woman”

“Why because she wrote an idea of a perfect male that no man could ever live up to?” I snapped

“No because she wrote about a perfect love which is non-existent in a world full of hate” Potter replied calmly.

“How would you know, you’ve never read it”

“Oh but I have read it, along with other muggle classics” Potter replied handing me another book, “Now this is a book worth reading, ‘Crime and Punishment’. I enjoyed it”

“Are you trying to impress me with you knowledge of crude books? First you insult one of the best female authors in the history of literature and then you act like you actually know something” I spat. I do like the book but hey I was trying to get something against him. “I just guess love is something that surpasses the intellect of a horny teenage boy”

“Would you like to teach me about love?”he said getting closer. I took the books I had picked and went to pay. “I’ve been watching you all day”

“Is that supposed to be flattering because honestly that’s just plain creepy” I replied as I tried to walk away from him. He kept up with me easily, “Ok in what language do I have to tell you to leave me alone?!”

“Spanish”

“Dejame en paz!”

“French then”

“Laissez moi seule”

“German... you got me impressed Evans”

“Lassen Sie mich allein and I’m not doing it to impress you! I’m trying to get you the hell away from me!” I shouted. A normal person would have gotten the picture but Potter seems to have poop for brains. All of a sudden he trips or something and grabs on to my butt! “Potter you pig!” It wasn’t enough that he grabbed my butt, NO the jerk had to pull me down on top of him. Did you think he moved his hand from my butt? NOOOOOOO!

So of course I went off and at started hitting him as best I could.

Again I don’t mean to sound like the devils advocate (which I always end up doing) but do you think that its possible that maybe he tripped and tried to stop himself from falling by hanging on to the first thing he could? I mean your butt is huge sometimes gets in the way...

You know what don’t talk to me

Oh look at her run... For the record I’m not talking I’m writing and her butt really is big

**
A/N: So it took me forever to concentrate enough to write this but I've done it! I've finished another chapter. So we are about to get into a very interesting part of the story. Next chapter will have some amusing lines . Thanks for sticking with me! You all rock ( I know I do because Guitar hero told me so ). Ohhh so a big merci to Lauren for the french

Feedback please

Hogwarts Express

I’m so bored! Lily is off with her stupid prefect duties and the girls in my compartment are raving on and on about something that doesn’t interest me. I think I’m being a snob at the moment but I’m in a mood.

The rest of the summer was fine I guess, I saw Remus a couple of times and both times something came up. We’ve decided to be friends, which is actually pretty cool because he’s not a bad guy. It’s his stupid friends that rot his brain.

I have some more information about the Marauders that will help us in our plan to destroy them! Something Remus said helped me plan our next prank! It’ll be great I just have to tell Lils about it.

She’s been a pain lately because Potter has been sending her Owls and flowers. He’s kind of stupid I mean ok sending flowers is a good way to get a girls attention but I reckon it’d be smarter to send her flowers she isn’t allergic too. He keeps sending her lilies and well ironically Lily is allergic to lilies.

Ugh one of the girls in my compartment is talking about her date with Sirius Black

“He was so sweet! He said that I was his moon,” Brenda is saying as she sighs. Mary and Jenny are giggling.

“Why because you are round? Or was he referring to you as his moon meaning his butt?” I just said. Oh she doesn’t find this funny! “I’m just joking Brenda! I just think you shouldn’t take what a Marauder says seriously”.

“You’re just jealous because you wish you could have Sirius but you can’t! He doesn’t want you, even if you did get a make-over!” she just shrieked. Ha if she only knew. “For your information he said that I was the prettiest girl he’s ever seen. He said that he’s been wanting to be with me since we were in third year!”

“And of course you believed him because you’re a dumb blonde,” I just said smiling. Wow picking fights with this girl is fun. Mary finds it funny but Jenny doesn’t. “Haven’t you read the articles written by Poison Ivy and Wonder Woman? These girls know what the Marauders really are like! I mean Lupin is passable but the rest are complete idiots!”

“Those two girls are bitter hags! The only reason they are writing those things is because they can’t get them. They are in love with Sirius and James!” Wow Brenda is turning bright red. Wow she needs to breathe. She really is kind of stupid.

“Well I think these girls know what they are talking about. I’m glad someone had the courage to tell the truth about those guys” Mary just said smiling. I just grinned at her, I do like that girl.

“I have a question Brenda dear, did you sleep with him?” I asked without even hesitating. Oh now she’s back to pink. Still waiting for that reply.

“I don’t see why that matters”

“Well if you slept with him then he’s not going to talk to you again” I said yawning. I can’t sound to interested because then I might blow my cover. Brenda’s eyes are wide, “So did you sleep with him or not?”

“Not yet... but I doubt that he’d do that” Brenda muttered. I just shrugged, and looked at her.

“Then lets make a bet ok? You’re planning on sleeping with him soon no?”

“Yes but...”

“Ok I will bet you a weeks worth of Charms essays that once you sleep with him, he’ll dump you faster than you can say Quidditch” I said grinning. Mary and Jenny aren’t even breathing its so suspenseful.

“I’ll take that bet, you’ll see that you’re just assuming that all guys are the same.” Brenda said confidently as I shrugged, “What are you writing anyway?”

“I’m writing to my penpal in Germany,” I said grinning. They looked surprised, “He’s this tall, muscular, sexy brunette with such a sexy voice and amazing blue eyes...”

“Wow Patterson you’re a little kinky perv,” said a male voice from the door. Sirius Black is standing there looking at me! Gah what an idiot! I dunno how I’m even still writing! Hold on a second let me deal with this jerk!

I hate this guy so much! He infuriates me!

“What a girl can’t describe a good looking guy but guys can describe a girl? That’s just idiotic Black” I snapped, he smirked at me. His eyes never parted from mine for one instant.

“I never said that, I just didn’t think you had it in you.” He replied shrugging. Brenda smiled at him but he didn’t even notice her. Just like I thought, she’s just another shag to him. “But it does look bad when a woman uses pick up lines or when they talk about a man like if he was a piece of meat”.

“How hypocritical can you get you narrow minded baboon” I said before I could stop myself. He laughed a bark like laugh. “I pity the woman that ever lays eyes on you in a romantic nature. A life of servitude awaits her with a narcissistic pin head like you! Women can do anything men can and even better mind you!”

“That vocabulary of yours is so extent. One might be led to believe that you’re trying to confuse me but it isn’t working. I just think that women should be more lady like is all. You don’t have to get all feminist on me,” Black said shrugging. I glared at him with all the hatred I could muster. “Now if you want to burn your bra as a sign of liberation then go ahead. That must be nice to see”.

“You have no respect for the girl you’re here to see do you?” I snarled. I was about to ruin everything I’ve been working for so I stood up, “If you excuse me I will be right back.” I walked towards the door of the compartment but Black wouldn’t move, “If you don’t move Black I’ll make you move”.

“I’m not scared of you Patterson.”

“Well then maybe you column on the magazine should be cut in half. I could give the extra space to Remus” I said shooting him an evil smile. He glared at me and moved, “Good boy now go sit and make-out”.

Now I’m sitting outside of the prefects compartment waiting for Lils to come back out. Man I swear I’m going to make Sirius Black pay for every single one of the stupid things he’s said to both Lily and I! I can’t stand him! Urgh I’m so mad that I’m crying! Ew ew ew!

Interesting little rant you have going here Gwen dear. I’m glad that you wrote everything down in detail.

Well I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’m still fuming thank you very much.

Well that explains why Brenda is glaring at you. Want me to go kick Black in his little soldier?

No because then he won’t be able to shag Brenda and I’ll loose a bet! I have a better idea, I'll tell you about our next prank.

Does it involve a hot german guy? Didn’t you say you liked German guys because they are and I quote “rough”?

I said that the German language was hot sexy because it was rough and no it doesn’t involve a german. It is what I call “The worst day in a Marauder’s life”. We’re going to make everything, when I say everything I mean everything, go wrong for one day. I have several small pranks ready for them. It’s just choosing a day and finito!

Sounds good! This is just for Black and Potter right?

Yup, the other two don’t matter. I mean sure Pettigrew is disgusting but he’s not even worth messing with and Lupin is a nice guy. He’s the one who gave me the idea. He said that Black and Potter get frustrated very easily when things don’t go the way they planned.

So is this going to be before or after Black shags and dumps Brenda?

I say after. I think he’s going to shag her tomorrow night or so. He doesn’t seem to interested in her. Silly blonde

Now Gwen that is so stereotypical! I mean come on not all blondes are dumb.

I know but Brenda is!

Girls like her give blondes a bad name huh?

You got that right. Oh I have a joke for you!

Let's hear it then.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead or in our case Brenda, me and you all go into a barn and hide in different, empty potatoes sacks because they’re wanted by the ministry. An Auror comes in and pokes the first bag with you in it and you say, “MEOW!” He goes "Oh its just a cat". He then pokes the second bag with me in it and I say, “WOOF!” and he goes "Oh its just a dog". Lastly he pokes the third bag with Brenda in it and she says, “POTATOES!”

...That was stupid lame.

Right, you know that was awesome! You're still laughing! Oh man I should have said Potions essays! Dang!

Well you can always bet with me about when I think you’ll shag Black!

You’re sick did you know that? Disgusting! Bad friend!

That’s pay back for the crack you made about my butt!

... you shouldn’t put crack and butt in the same sentence... it can lead to misinterpretations!

Now Mary thinks we’re on crack! What is it with me and crack today?

You’re all about buttcracks?

Only German buttcracks.

***
A/N: Wow I hadn't updated in forever! I had like the idea for the chapter in my head for quite a while but like... I dunno I had put it off because I was writing for my other fics! Well I hope you liked this chapter. It was just a lot of silliness and it sets things up for the next one which will be soon I promise! I had time to write this because we came home early from camp *sulks*. So I hoped you enjoy and I mean no harm to any blonde who is reading! Its all good fun! Thanks for reading and for the feedback!

Feedback please

Potions

How’s the plan coming along Gwen? Have you found the items?

I’m done with my bit of the plan. I found the spell we need for part one. I started the potion we need for part 2. I just dunno where I can get vampire venom from. I dunno any vampires!

Well Gwen you don’t have to know any! You just have to buy it! Though I think I can get it without having to buy it… but “borrowing” it from Slughorn seems wrong.

Oh come on! You can always ask him for it! I doubt he’ll deny you anything, not his lovely member of the “Slug Club”

Jealous are we?

Oh yes very jealous! I dunno how I’m going to handle so much jealousy spewing from me…

Well if I were to ask him straight forward for it then it might look slightly suspicious, when the potion is used don’t you think they are going to look for who did it? I am not willing to get caught! The good news is that all of my part of the plan is finished.

Lily you are such a little nerd! Everything on time… I guess that is a good thing.

You complain that I get things done? That sounds slightly stupid don’t you think?

Ok, ok fine you’re amazing oh wonderful Poison Ivy. Anyway on to other topics. I have to tell you something.

Don’t tell me you’re in love with Black! I knew you’d fall for him! It’s a joke Gwen… laugh… belly button.

Ha that gets me every time! Funny word that one. Belly button! I mean come on there is nothing funnier than that! I’m not in love with Black you twit, but apparently I’m becoming the object of his obsession.

Why do you say that?

He’s been asking people about me. I over heard him asking Mary about me.

Asking what?

Well ok I was walking towards the editing room to work on some articles for the magazine when I hear Mary’s voice.

“Why the sudden interest Sirius? Since when do you want to know more about Gwen?” Mary said in an amused tone. I stood around the corner listening.

Nosey much! Didn’t your mum ever teach you that it’s incorrect to listen in on other’s conversations?

Actually no she didn’t. Plus they were talking about me! I just can’t ignore that! Anyway back to what I was telling you…

“I was just curious, that’s it. You know how curious I am about everyone.” Black said using that patronizing tone of his! I felt like hexing him right then and there.

“That’s not true. You only come to me when you want to know something about a girl you’d like to shag. Let me just tell you one thing. Gwen isn’t the type of girl you can just shag. She’s my friend and quite frankly she’s really… how can I put this nicely, she’s a hag.” Mary said sighing. Stupid Black snorted. What a friend Mary turned out to be. I am not a hag; I just have limited crap tolerance.

You keep telling yourself that Gwen. Let’s face it, Mary didn’t lie. You are a hag.

Ouch that hurt… ok no it didn’t.

“Do you call all of your friends hags?” Black asked again with the tone. Mary was quiet, “I didn’t ask a very hard question sweet Mary. All I asked was if Gwen was seeing anyone”.

“I wouldn’t know, I am friends with her but I don’t hang out with them very often so I’m not aware of her dating anyone but she might like someone. I heard she was chummy with your friend Remus,” Mary said quickly and nervously. We honestly need to give that girl a gossip column! She knows everything about everyone… nosey git.

“I know they are chummy but I took care of that,” Black said sounding smug. Urgh what on earth did he mean with that?

Hmm that he probably told Lupin to back off because he saw you first? I dunno how these Marauders minds work and to be honest I wouldn’t want to know. That would permanently scar me.

Well he seemed pretty proud of himself.

“So she isn’t dating anyone? Good that makes me have to work less to scare guys off.” He said chuckling quietly. Ok Lils I want you to promise me that you’ll visit me in Azkaban. I’m going to murder that jerk! Scare guys off, who does he think he is?! He does not own me!

I know that and you know that but I don’t think he does. What are you going to do? Well other than saying you’re going to kill him over and over again.

I was considering dating someone just to tick him off, plus I am truly interested in someone.

Ooooooooh who? You’ve been holding out on me! I can’t believe you Gwen Patterson! You must tell me vital information like this! I am your best friend and partner in crime! Plus I don’t have a good love life so I have to live vicariously through you!

It’s not a big deal Lils I’m just attracted to him. I don’t feel comfortable telling you just yet.

Gwen! You gotta tell me! This is going to bother me so much! Tell me please!!! Don’t tell me it’s a Slytherin because I’ll kick you myself.

Way to share the love prefect Lily! I know how about we make a list of the hottest guys in our year and I’ll see if you add him.

Fine but only because I’m so bored! Double potions and we finish before everyone else. I mean we’re good but this is boring.

List of hottest guys in our year
-Troy VanDearing from Ravenclaw. (So is it him? Is that why you named him first? I didn’t think you were into perverts. He is hot though.) (It’s not him Lils I just think he’s hot).
-Mike Feller from Ravenclaw. (Oh yeah he is very hot, he has some nice arms).
-Kevin Jones from Hufflepuff. (Oh yes please tell me you want him! He’s so amazingly cute and he’s a musician!)
-Sirius Black from Gryffindor: ok he’s a jerk and the spawn of all things evil but let’s face it, he’s hot. (I’m not going to deny he’s a babe. He’s pure evil and I want to kill him but he’s nice to look at).
-James Potter from Gryffindor: Lily you know you think he’s yummy. (I can’t stand the sight of him but yes he is good looking).
-Todd Jenkins from Hufflepuff. (He has a huge nose Lily! Granted his abs and arms are amazing but his nose is terrible!)
-Chase Bones from Ravenclaw. (He has a nice Australian accent that is so sexy. I think I want him).
I just figured out your mystery guys Gwen!
-Nick Fabbio from Gryffindor: am I right or am I right? I saw you staring at him the other day but didn’t think anything of it! He’s a hottie I must say. (Yeah you got it right but who can resist those dark eyes?)

So now seriously what do you think? I mean we both know he’s a good looking and smart but I dunno.

So you have been thinking about this for a while huh? I say go for it! You get to tick Black off and get to know a hot, intelligent and funny guy. Sounds like an ideal deal.

I dunno I’ll give it some thought. On other matters how are we going to get the vampire venom?

I can do a disillusion charm while you distract him right now.

Right, because Slughorn absolutely adores me. I think it’ll be better if I do the taking. I know where the closet is you just have to help me out with the disillusion charm because I still have some problems with it.

Fine pretend that you’re feeling sick. If you want I can actually make you sick, just imagine Dumbledore and Slughorn together! Or better yet imagine yourself with Black.

You wanted to make me sick not completely scar me for life! Fine I can fake it; I’m such an amazingly talented actress. Here goes nothing.

TOMORROW IS THE MARAUDER’S WORST DAY.

We’re about to leave as we begin our funniest plan yet. A full 24 hours of making these idiots life hell!

Lunch

Oh man I’m so sleepy but it was so worth it!I think we both need some sugar so we don’t fall asleep in the next class but just to see how both Potter and Black are sulking it’s worth every minute of it! Do you want to write it or should I?

I will because you take forever eating! Plus I write faster

I actually chew my food not just swallow like a pig

Oink, oink anyway let me start from the beginning. Early this morning at about 3a.m Lily and I went up to the Marauder’s dorm. Usually we don’t involve the other 2 idiots in our pranks but this one had to include them. Lily and I thought up a great idea. We made the Marauder’s world turn upside down… literally. Lily put an enhanced levitating charm on every object; the trick was to know when to make it all come crashing down. So we figured that as soon as the Marauders left their beds it’d be good to make everything fall down.

“But so what if they fall on their faces? They’d probably laugh their stupid butts off!” Lily said as we got ready to leave last night. She was dressed completely in black and her hair was picked up in a neat ponytail.

“I was thinking about that and I have a great idea. You know how the smell skunks have is very thick? Like it’s hard to make it go away?” Gwen said smiling evilly. Gwen like always brilliant had a marvellous idea. Of course anything coming from her had to be brilliant. “I was thinking that we should have a swampy substance ready for them when they fall, something that has the same effect that skunks do.”

“That was brilliant oh Gwen dearest, why can’t I be as brilliant as you are?” Lily said in awe…

Why are you always writing things I don’t say? Tell it how it is or I will.

Party pooper

“That’s a brilliant idea! You are pure evil did you know that?” Lily said smiling as she quietly took a book from her bag. They had cast a spell to their other dorm mates so they couldn’t hear them. Soon they had gathered all the material they needed and headed out to the boys dorms.

When they walked in they saw the boys snoring loudly and grunting from time to time. They had to cover their mouths when they heard Sirius Black mutter “I like the pink elephant better”.

Soon their job was done and everything in the room was on the roof. Gwen and Lily began to form a swamp like substance on the floor. They both stood at the doorway casting the spell from there. Then the wonderful Wonder Woman cast her final spell making everything stink.

They ran quickly to their room making sure they didn’t stink. They both went to be smiling about what would occur in the morning.

Both girls were up bright and early getting ready and going down to the common room. They sat working on some assignments and trying to look as innocent as possible when suddenly they heard shrieks coming from the boy’s dorms. There were muffled swears and curses as everyone who was near looked up to see what was the ruckus. The girls worked hard not to laugh but it was impossible when Potty head Potter came out of the room covered in goo and smelling like a skunk.

“Who the hell is Wonder Woman and Poison Ivy?! I swear I’ll have my revenge!” he shouted dramatically as he went to the boy’s bathroom.

“Like hell he’ll ever find out,” Lily whispered as she gasped for air. Tears were streaming down her green eyes.

“Wait the next bit is coming in a few minutes.” Gwen said as tears were also streaming down her face.

“Urgh what is that smell?” they heard a little 3rd year ask her friend. The other girl giggled.

“It’s the Marauders, they stink!”

The girls calmed themselves enough to continue their assignments. Gwen’s stomach was grumbling but they weren’t going to miss this next part. As if on cue there were two more shrieks coming from the bathroom. Sirius Black and James Potter came out in towel screaming at the top of their lungs. Their hair was bright pink with orange.

“We’ve had enough! Show your faces now!” Black screamed as he came down to the common room. He still stunk horribly. Everyone in the Common Room was laughing almost hysterically at them. The girls weren’t the exception. “Come on! Brave enough to do it when no one knows who you are right?”

Gwen pulled her wand out discreetly and sent a non-verbal spell aimed at them boy’s towels which dropped right away, revelling their little other attributes. Whoever wasn’t laughing by then was laughing now. Some girls went as far as pulling out their camera and snapping pictures.

I’m starting to think you did that part just too see Black naked!

Yeah right! I wouldn’t do it for that! I was just trying to help you get an eye full of James Potter!

Sick to the next level Gwen, I can tell what happen after that though.

Fine that way I can chow down so we won’t be late.

So the girls were hungry after that and wanted to have a nice breakfast after all the laughing. They went down to the Great Hall. As they were eating breakfast 5 disgruntled boys walked into the Great Hall, two of them with bright coloured hair. Gwen had forgotten that Nick Fabbio shared a dorm with the Marauders so as she saw him she felt completely horrible.

“There goes my chances with him,” Gwen said as she saw the boys sit down.

“No idiot, remember he doesn’t know it was you! So there is no problem! In fact you can use this to get close to him!” Lily said as she discreetly watched the stinky boys grab their food. Everyone around them edged away from them. As Potter served himself orange juice, Lily used a non-verbal spell to make the juice splash right on his face. She quickly hid her wand making sure no one saw her.

“For Merlin’s sake, could this day get any worse?!” Potter shrieked as coffee mysteriously landed in Black’s face.

“It’s only just begun,” Gwen whispered as she smiled to Lily.

When they saw the boys leaving the Great Hall the girls used a tripping spell on them and everyone was laughing and pointing.

During Charms Potter’s ink curiously spilled all over his work as Black’s bag caught on fire. During an assignment in Transfiguration, the mice they were supposed to be working with suddenly became enraged and attacked them making them run out the door while being chased by two tiny critters.

At this very moment the boys are looking over their shoulders as their food keeps dancing all over the place not allowing them to eat.

That one was pretty tricky seeing as we had to put the potion into their food without them noticing it. It’s going to light on fire in about 2 minutes before they can even eat it.

How funny is it that the day hasn’t finished? You know Lils, we should be feeling pretty guilty about causing these two so much trouble… but I don’t feel anything.

I feel bad for Lupin and Fabbio having to stink all day.

Actually I’m going to tell Nick how to make the smell go away. I told him I’d look it up and tell him in a bit.

So you made contact? Did Black see you?

Why do you think he’s glaring at Nick right now? Honestly this guy is a complete idiot! Who does he think he is trying to control who I’m interested in. Nick is a good guy and I’m not doing this to annoy Black, that’s just an additional perk.

We have to get to class before we’re late. Magical Creatures + Marauders = ouchie.

This has been out best yet Poison Ivy. I can’t believe we’ve pulled it off! Ha! No one messes with a girl and then expects them to be ok about it!

It’s like a documentary about predators, when the predators become the prey.

… The lack of sleep is getting to you dear. Let’s go before you start a mating ritual with Potty head.

In his dreams.

Probably is his dream.

**
A/N: So I finally got a chapter up! Slow and steady wins the race right? So this one amused me because it brought back good memories. Thanks a lot to my bird friend for letting me use him as a character . You rock honker .
Thanks all for reading!

Feedback please!!

Library

Ok Gwen, tell me quick because I’m still working on the grand finale for our prank.

Ok you’ll get a kick out of this I promise. I just have to tell you before I forget the exact words.

It’s funny that you always want to give me so many details. Ok while you write I’m going to go get a book I need.

Ok so I was walking up to the Common Room after lunch because I had forgotten the itching powder up in my trunk. I was walking quickly because you told me that I wasn’t allowed to be late to class. Anyway when I was about to go through the portrait hole I smelt something really gross then I ran into Nick.

“Wow Nick you stink,” I said trying to ignore the horrible smell. I think we did go overboard with the smell! It’s dreadful!

“Yeah tell me about it, I make myself sick. I can assure you I do bathe on a regular basis,” he replied smiling. Oh man Lils he has such a nice smile.

“Right because given how much you reek everyone will believe that,” I said teasing him slightly, he laughed and walked back into the Common Room with me, “I found a way to rid you of the stench.”

“Wow Gwen you’re a lifesaver! I owe you big time!” he said sighing dramatically. “I’d give you a hug but then you’d smell like a dog’s vomit too.”

“Thanks I guess. Give me a second and I’ll tell you how on our way to class. I just forgot something up in my room,” I said running up to my dorm. Lily my heart was pounding! I wanted the hug even if he did stink.

By the smell of you, he did give you a hug didn’t he?

How about you let me finish and you’ll see.

So I ran up to the room and grabbed the itching powder

Let me guess you also checked your hair and make up?

Oh hush (yes I did but hey its only natural!). When I walked back down Nick was waiting on the steps reading.

“Do I stink that bad? You don’t even want to get near me,” Nick said without looking up. I laughed, “I don’t know how the teachers have put up with the stench all day! I mean Remus, Peter, Sirius, James and I all stink horribly, now put us all in the same room…”

“I actually had the bubble head charm on during Transfiguration. That’s how horrible it was,” I replied as we walked out of the common room. “Before I tell you how to rid yourself of the smell you have to promise me that you aren’t going to tell Black or Potter. Well just to be safe don’t tell the Marauders, because if you tell Remus he’ll tell the other two idiots.”

“I’m sensing you aren’t very fond of them,” Nick said arching an eyebrow, I limit myself to shrugging. “I think you’re the first girl to think that. Why so much dislike? I think Sirius is interested in you”.

“That’s disgusting and disturbing! My dislike for them goes way back. But let’s not talk about them any further. Do we have a deal?” I asked trying to keep my cool. He had stopped walking and was simply looking at me trying to figure me out or something. He nodded slowly and laughed.

“Ok I won’t tell them your secret recipe for the stink bye-bye,” he replied still looking at me.

“You know how to make the smell go away Patterson?” Black said from behind us. He looked at how close Nick was standing to me and scowled, “Am I interrupting something?”

“As a matter of fact you are,” Nick replied after he saw me scowl. He put his arm around my shoulders. Even though he stunk really bad I felt my face go red.

“When did this happen?” Black snapped. He looked like he wanted to break Nick in half.

“That isn’t any of your business, stop meddling in other people’s lives,” I snapped back. Stupid git, who does he think he is? Talking to me in that way!

“Sorry about the improvisation but I thought that might help with your Black problem,” Nick said once Black was out of sight.

“Thanks I’m sure you did help. Just for being so helpful I’ll tell you how you can stop stinking… ready?” I asked trying to avoid smiling like an idiot. He nodded, “You need to bath in tomato juice with a touch of lemon”. He stared at me for a second and started laughing, “It works, I promise!”

“So are you saying that I smell like a skunk? Isn’t that a muggle remedy?” Nick asked still laughing.

“Yup it’s a muggle remedy and yes you smell like 20 skunks, so I’d recommend you sit in the juice for about 40 minutes.” I said laughing along with him. Then he suddenly just gave me a hug, “Oh come on now I’m going to need the tomato juice”.

“Maybe we should play in a tub full of tomato juice together,” Nick said winking. Now if Black would have said that to me I’d have gotten really mad but Nick… he’s not disgusting like that. He was actually cute. I just rolled my eyes at him.

And we walked out on to the grounds laughing. He’s such a great guy and so extremely good looking.

Aww Gwen has a boyfriend! Gwen and Nick sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Wow you’re mature Lils.

I’m sorry but that it’s great to see you actually getting close to a guy. You’re always so guarded when it comes to males. It’s like if you don’t trust any of them. It’s refreshing to see you like this.

It’s refreshing to feel like I can trust one. Anyway how about you write how the other prank went down.

So you can daydream with Nicky dearest? Sorry but you are absolutely mockable at the moment. I can’t let the moment go by.

I will remember this Lily! When the moment comes and you find a guy you like I’ll mock until you get to annoyed you try to hex. Then we’ll end up fighting terribly and we’ll start a feud between two families. It will last centuries until one of your descendents falls in love with one of mine and the feud will end because of it.

You take Shakespeare to the next level. I knew I should have never shown you his works.

After Gwen and Nicky dearest showed up, the brilliant Lily glared at her for being late. But that was soon forgotten because they had work to do. Professor Kettleburn was busy instructing the class about thestrels. While the class was distracted by the large piece of meat being carried by the Professor as they entered the Forbidden Forest, the girls walked right behind Potter and Black. It would be easy to toss the itching powder by creating a small raft of wind. Lily did it since she wasn’t distracted by a pair of deep brown eyes like Gwen was.

Oi I wasn’t distracted… simply being polite.

Right and Potter and Black are gentle kittens. Anyway the itching powder was in place and soon the two idiots were scratching like crazy. But the girls knew that it was just the beginning. Soon their skin would feel like if it was on fire and they’d run around screaming.

Just as they had predicted the boys began running around in circles screaming that it burnt. In their despair to get the powder off, they ran into the thestrels. Now these creatures are tame thanks to Hagrid but no one enjoys being hit in the head by a raging teenage boy, so the creatures pushed both boys away from them. They ran into a tree and forcefully landed in a pile of animal manure that was coincidentally there.

“This is unbelievable! All we need now is for a dog to pee on us!” screamed Black with fury. Suddenly as if someone heard him a stray golden retriever came out of the forest and walked up to them. He lifted his tiny paw and peed on the boys. Everyone erupted in laughter.

“Guess it’s just not their day today,” said a male voice from behind the girls. They turned and saw Nicky dearest standing there grinning. Lily covered her nose because he stunk horribly but Gwen just laughed.

“Did you do that?” Gwen asked pointing at the dog. Nick shrugged, “I thought you were friends with them”.

“I am friendly, but they’ve pulled several pranks on me. Plus it wasn’t my idea, Sirius asked for a dog to pee on them,” Nick said smiling. Gwen looked at him with gooey eyes; Lily looked confused seeing as she didn’t know they had already made a connection. She also looked nauseated by the atmosphere and the smell.

I did not look at him with gooey eyes! Come on that even sounds stupid! So I do have a question, did you trip them on our way back to the castle or was that the dung on their shoes?

That was the dung I just enjoyed laughing at them. Potter gave me an evil glare that caught me off guard seeing as I’m used to him looking at me adoringly but I recovered and smirked at him.

That must have made him mad. Do you think they’ve had enough?

Nope. This isn’t time to be compassionate Gwen. We have to finish what we started. You’re the one who insisted on this plan. So now we finish what we started.

Wow Lils, I never knew you were so vindictive. It’s surprising but I guess you’re right. Let’s go we’re gonna be late for Herbology.

Common Room

Wow I don’t think I’ve ever had such a good time! I know I shouldn’t enjoy this so much but I can’t help it!

That’s because it was classic dear! It was so amazing how this whole day was terrible for them! I think they’re up in their dorm hiding under their now bed. Darn house-elves are amazing! They could make any smell disappear!

Yeah they are lucky those little guys are around to clean, if not they’d stink for the entire year!

Who do you think looked angrier, Black or Potter? I mean Black looks pretty scary when he’s mad but Potter… well it’s just plain amusing.

First during Herbology they walked in with a big bump on their head. They used the free period to go get the dung off and walked in looking slightly paranoid. They probably wanted to skip class but they are the great Marauders. They can’t act frightened of a couple of girls.

“What is that dreadful smell? I could have sworn I closed the fertilizer before class,” Professor Sprout said when they walked in. Everyone laughed like crazy, “What’s so funny?”

“The smell isn’t coming from your fertilizer Professor. The stink is coming from Black, Potter, Lupin, Pettigrew and Fabbio,” Snape sneered, what a jerk enjoying our shinning moment. “But the ones who mainly reek are Potter and Black. Of course they’ve always stunk”.

“Now, now Snivellous what have I told you about speaking without my consent? I guess I’m going to have to punish you when we get home. I usually don’t let my slaves speak out of turn,” Potter replied grinning. I have to hand it to the idiot, he comes up with come backs faster than anyone I’ve seen, except of course for Lily.

“Boys settle down or you’ll both have detention.” Professor Sprout said before she began with her class. We were working with kissing gardenias, which are highly dangerous. They are called Kissing Gardenias because of the shape of their petals. If they come in contact with your skin they cling on and poison you slowly. We hate the Marauders but not enough to kill them, so we didn’t attempt anything during that class until the end.

“Go Gwen it’s your cue,” Lily hissed as class ended. I pulled out my wand discretely and hid it in my sleeve. I then tripped the boys just as they were walking by the poison ivy.

“Boys you have to be careful! Oh dear, go up to the Hospital Wing,” Professor Sprout said when she saw them in the poison ivy. I think she was more concerned about her plants.

I really do hope they caught the irony of the whole poison ivy thing. If they didn’t then they are completely idiotic!

I’m pretty sure they did. It was hilarious to see them walk in with pink ointment all over their face. I think poison ivy and itching powder are bad for the skin.

I do know that poison ivy hurts like hell. When I went camping with my parents years ago, I was wearing my trainers without socks and I walked by some poison ivy. Boy oh boy did it itch! It also hurt a lot! So I imagine that if it hurt like that just on my ankle, all over must be worse.

I’m sure it did hurt but they didn’t let it show. They were looking “brave”.

That was until dinner time came around. They walked in looking exhausted and completely miserable seeing as people were pointing and whispering about them. The Marauders sat all alone seeing as no one could stand their stench. Not even their fan girls were able to sit with them. We sat down and waiting.

This prank was a lot harder to achieve seeing as we couldn’t leave dinner early because someone would notice we were missing. So we needed external help. We asked the house elf that had assisted us before to help us this time. She was very willing to help us as we gave her the instructions on what was supposed to happen.

We ate slowly as everyone was beginning to leave the hall. As soon as the first people left the hall there was laughter coming from the entrance hall. The others who were still in the hall slowly began to emerge to see what the laughter was about.

We followed everyone else when we saw that the Marauders stood up to see what was going on. On the wall opposite to the great hall there was a large poster with pictures of the Marauders.

Gwen had enlarged the image of them dressed as women, she had taken a picture of them covered in dung, and there were also several images of them during the Quidditch match. Written in large scarlet letters at the top were the words:

PAYBACK IS A SWEET THING ISN’T IT? DOWN WITH POTTY BREATH AND BLACK THE RAT! YOU’VE MET YOUR MATCH, BEWARE!
-WONDER WOMAN AND POISON IVY

Everyone was laughing as they looked over at the two guys. They pushed them into the centre of the entrance hall so everyone could see them. Gwen and I both took our wands out from our sleeves and cast a non-verbal spell on them. Levitacorpus comes in handy when it’s used against someone else.

Nice touch the whole having the poster falling on their head by the way.

That wasn’t me. I thought it was you!

No it wasn’t me… Nick. That kid should be careful. He doesn’t know what he’s getting into.

I’m pretty sure he does. Maybe he knows a little bit more than he’s letting on.

Who knows, I guess only time will tell right?

You look upset.

I just don’t know if this is the right thing to do anymore. It seems so extreme.

I knew you were going to say that so I pulled out your old diary.

Ew I don’t even want to see that! It’s so… terrible

I know it is but this will remind you of a few things.

I don’t understand anything anymore. I don’t know what I ever did to them to make them hate me so much. I already know that I’m an ugly nuisance that is terrible to look at but they can’t honestly expect me to hide under a rock for the rest of my life.

I wish I could hide under a rock. It’d all be over if I could. I feel so stupid for writing this down but I can’t tell anyone, not even Lily how much this hurts. I thought that everything was going back to normal but I was wrong. James today looked for me in the library. I was sitting alone working on an essay for Potions when he sat next to me.

“Hi Gaby!” he said to me happily. I turned to look at him even though that’s not my name. I was surprised to see him looking so cheerful, “Aren’t you happy to see me?”

“I guess… do you need something?” I asked my voice barely above a whisper. He was looking at me with those dazzling hazel eyes. I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

“You look very nice today Gaby, I just wanted to tell you that.” James said reaching out and touching my hair. I opened my eyes widely. I guess he found my expression amusing, “Am I making you nervous?”

“I-I’m just surprised” I replied trying to keep my voice steady. He touched my face lightly and I felt myself blush. Suddenly a girl appeared behind him. She glared at me.

“What are you doing with her James?” she asked looking annoyed.

“I’m just seeing just how much power I have over this pathetic girl.” He replied getting up and hugging her. He kissed her passionately as I sat there watching them. My heart dropped to my stomach. “Seriously Gaby do you honestly believe that a guy like me could be interested in a girl like you? Have you seen yourself in a mirror? There are levels and you are no where near good enough for me”.

I stood up and grabbed my books not being able to put up with more humiliation, but he wasn’t done. As I began to walk I tripped and fell breaking my ink bottle and getting everything dirty. He stood over me laughing along with his girlfriend.

“You really are pathetic Gaby. Oh and let me just tell you one thing, I will never be interested in you. You could drop off the face of the earth and I wouldn’t notice. How about you stay as far away from me as you can! I don’t want anyone connecting me to you in any way!” James said to me as I scrambled about trying to pick my stuff up. A guy helped me with my books which I took without even looking up. Tears were already burning in my eyes as I walked out of the library

“I think her name is Gaven not Gaby,” his girlfriend said as I walked out.

“It doesn’t matter, she’s a no one anyway.” James said. I dropped everything in my arms and just ran down to the corner of the forest where no one goes. I sat under a tree crying. It hurts so much to admit it but he’s right. I’m a no one. I’m worthless and I’m not good enough for him.

How silly was I to think that I could somehow have James Potter interested in me? I am an idiot who is getting what she deserves for thinking she is good enough. It feels like there’s a large gap in my chest, I feel like I should be bleeding or something…

Wow talk about depressing. I dunno what to say to that.

You don’t have to say anything Gwen. You aren’t that girl anymore. You know that you’re so much better than Potter. I wouldn’t have made you read this but I… well I wanted to ask why you didn’t tell me.

Well I’m going to honest with you, that year was one of the hardest of my life. With the whole Potter drama and my dad leaving mum and me I was a mess. I just didn’t think you deserved to be dragged into that miserable mess. I know it sounds stupid but I didn’t want you to see me down.

I wanted to help you. I saw how miserable you were and then with all the Potter-Black drama I didn’t know how to help when I was so messed up myself. I’m sorry

How did we get from happy to sad so fast? It’s time to celebrate… oh gosh Nick is coming over!!!!

Well now Gwen is busy so I am alone. I should bug her and write their conversation but I don’t want to ruin it. She deserves a good guy for once… anyone does after what she’s been through.

**
A/N: So this chapter just sort of came to me after someone in particular wouldn't shut up. The thoughts just kept swimming in my head and I had to write it.
Thanks for reading!

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Defence Against the Dark Arts

What’s wrong? You look thoughtful/annoyed/angry/sad. Wow I’m so good at pointing out emotions! But seriously what’s up?

I’m just thinking that’s all.

Wow you care to elaborate on what? You normally tell me without me having to ask. Gwen, are you ill? All you ever do is talk and write and you haven’t done either this afternoon.

Well I guess you’ve now taken my place with the talking.

Did Fabbio do something to you? Am I going to have to go all Poison Ivy on him? Or better yet I think I’ll turn into Cat Woman and scratch his eyes out.

And people think I’m the aggressive one. Nick hasn’t done anything to me. We’ve been getting along great since the prank day.

Then tell me what’s up Gwen because I know something is up. I know you better than I know the palm of my hand.

Fine Lils I’ll show you what I’m thinking about ok? But you have to just read and stop distracting me because I’m trying to learn about werewolves.

What’s there to know, they are big dogs that eat you.

Wow… it’s no wonder why you are the top of our class.

I know I’m a genius now show me.

Gwen you have to paste this in here, its part of the plan.

Fine, this was a note between Black and I in the library during our free period.

Hey Patterson, can I ask you a question?

You already did Black. Now leave me alone I’m actually working.

Writing something for the magazine or working on an essay for DADA? Or maybe it’s a love letter to Fabbio.

Not that it’s any of your concern but I’m writing an article about how annoying you are.

You should join forces with Wonder Woman and Poison Ivy. I just want to ask you a question.

Fine Black, ask away. If you dare ask me my bra size I’ll kill you.

Oh I already know that, I’ve got a good eye for that sort of thing. Nice size by the way. But that’s not my question.

Stop looking at my boobs and just ask!

Such anger… I like. Anyway my question is do you think I’m hot?

Are you bloody kidding me?! You seriously want me to hurt you don’t you? You’re interrupting my work for this idiotic question?!

Ha I knew you’d react like that. No that wasn’t my real question I just wanted to see how mad you’d get. As an editor I would have thought you had more patience.

I don’t see why I should be patient with you. I could easily cut your columns size just for annoying me.

But you won’t because you have to be unbiased as an editor and leave your personal opinion to the side. Plus you know I’m good at writing.

Why are you still annoying me?

I haven’t asked my question yet.

Why don’t you just come over here and ask me. We’re in the library you know, you can speak.

Ah that’s the wonderful thing about it, I’m not going to risk you hexing me or hitting me. I’m a good safe distance from you.

That’s what you think. I can still stun you from over here.

But you’d get detention and I hardly think you want to spend detention with me. I don’t understand why you don’t like me, I’ve been pretty nice you.

Right, I have a question for you while you’re trying to think if you have the guts to ask me. Did you shag my dorm mate?

Which one? Mary? Of course not, that would be wrong. Now if you’re talking about the blonde then yes. Why? Are you jealous?

Oh yes very jealous. I had a bet going with her and I think it’s time she pays up.

What bet? What was the wager?

That’s for me to know and for you to never find out. What was your question?

Ok I’m going to ask this bluntly. I expect a blunt answer in return. Are you and Fabbio together?

He’s your dorm mate, why don’t you just ask him?

It’s because he’s my dorm mate that I can’t ask him. Guys don’t ask each other those types of questions.

What makes you think we are together?

Is that a no?

I asked a question

I asked one first

Just answer the bloody question for Godric’s sake!

Rawr you look mad.

Did you just ‘rawr’ at me?

Answer the question

Set the example and answer mine.

Fine, it’s because of the amount of time you two have been spending together without the red head. Also the way you look at him leads me to believe that you two have something going on.

Have you been watching me?

I answered your question. First answer mine and then ask another. It’s only fair.

What’s it to you if I’m with Nick or not? Black since when do you give a rats tail what I do?

Rat’s tail? Now what kind of expression is that?

What is it with all the question?!

I’m an aspiring reporter, I’m trying to get the inside scoop.

I don’t have to answer that. What ever is going on between Nick and me is OUR concern, not yours.

So there is something going on eh

You are insufferable Black!

But you keep replying so I’m guessing you’re enjoying the note passing.

No I’m just not a rude inconsiderate jerk face like you

Ouch jerk face… that is just painful! I don’t know how I’ll ever recover from the pain of that insult!

You know what Black go get your broom stick and shove it up your butt!

No that would make me gay and I’m to amazingly hot to be gay. It’d be a waste. I don’t think you should be with Fabbio. He’s not good for you

Oh and why is that?

He’s not fun; you need someone exciting someone who can make you laugh. Plus he just wants to get in your pants.

He’s fun and hilarious. I have a great time with him for your information. Just because you try to get in everyone’s pants doesn’t mean all guys are like.

There’s just no passion there, I can sense it. I know these kinds of things.

Black you need to deflate your ego just a bit so you can see things clearly. Nick is an amazing guy and he’s 10 times better than you will ever be!

And yet you feel passion for me and not him. Just think about that. How about I take you to Hogsmeade? There’s a trip coming up before Winter break.

I don’t feel passion for you, I feel disgust. I’m already going to Hogsmeade with someone else.

Fabbio?

Yup, I’m going with Nick. I don’t know what you’re trying to pull by all of a sudden taking interest in me, but it’s not going to work. I’m not an idiotic girl that falls rendered to the feet of Sirius Black so don’t waste your time.

Oh you sound just like Red. Well, Fabbio has broken the first rule of our dorm. Now he will pay the price.

Are you threatening him?

I don’t threaten, I inform. Later Patterson, I’ll have my article by tomorrow.

I can’t believe him. He’s just a… urgh! Are you going to warn Nick?

I told him that ticking off a Marauder wasn’t a good idea but he said he wasn’t scared of them and their stupid pranks.

That’s brave considering he sleeps in the same room as them.

That’s what I was thinking about; our plan wasn’t meant to involve other people. I don’t want Nick to get hurt because of this.

Gwen, don’t blow this out of proportion. Its just silly pranks, the worst they could do is turning his hair another colour. They normally don’t go overboard. Plus Nick is smart, he can fend for himself.

I still feel bad about it. It’s my fault he’s at risk of having his life made a living hell.

Seriously I don’t think you should worry too much. Just enjoy the fact that you’re making Black furious! Plus Nick does make you laugh doesn’t he?

Yeah he’s great. I dunno how he feels about me but I do know that he’s great. How are you supposed to bloody know when a guy is flirting with you?! It’s impossible to read their signs correctly. Like I dunno if Nick is being friendly or if he’s flirting with me! For all I know he’s really in love with Allison Jenkins.

Allison is dating Mcbulier. She’s an idiot but whatever. I guess we can make a list to help you. I’ll start it.

List of ways to know if a guy is flirting with you.

-Now I’ve noticed that guys tend to get very nervous when they are trying to properly flirt. At least the good guys are. The ones that are just trying to get in your pants are smooth. (Like Black and Potter… though Potter does get nervous around you).
-I’ve noticed they kinda tease you a lot. Snide comments that are cute. (Oh but that’s not always flirting dear, that’s more like pestering. Well I guess it can be nice to have an intellectual argument from time to time)
-They show off. I guess they try to get a girl’s attention that way.
-They smile a lot, like the other day when you were talking to Todd Jenkins he couldn’t stop smiling. (That is so not true! He’s just a happy guy is all).
-They get all touchy, not in a dirty way but like touching your hair or you hand. (How do you know these things Lils?)
-Some guys bat their eyes or try to do stare you down. The eyes are kind of informative I guess. (Cheese)
-They use lame pick up lines. Like Potter and Black. Urgh I hate one that says “Hello I’m Mr. Right, I hear you’ve been looking for me”. (Wow Lils I’m seduced)
-Their friends look at you when he’s talking to you. (Wow perceptive).

I’m out, but all I have to say is Black is just jealous. He’s just trying to drive you away from Nick because he sees you’re happy. Since you are his little obsession he doesn’t want anyone as hot as Nick near you.


I guess so but you know me, I love to think everything through. Don’t worry I’ll be fine. What’s new with you?

Ummm Potter was being a wee bit odd today. Well odder than usual.

How so?

Well it went down like this. I was walking down the hall during my free period patrolling. So I was thinking about school stuff when I turn the corner and see Potter sitting alone just staring off into space.

“What are you doing loitering around Potter?” I asked making him snap out of it. He looked up at me with a strange look in his eyes like if he was inches from crying. I know, its weird to think of James Potter with feelings.

“I was just thinking Evans,” he said sighing and looking back out to space. I was surprised! No hitting on me, no asking me out. I was starting to wonder if he was ill or something.

No wait James Potter thinking?! Is that even possible?!

Apparently it is. Let me finish.

“Well you should be in class or studying not sitting staring into space.” I replied still a little freaked about his sudden change of mood.

“You know I tried but I couldn’t focus so I came to this corridor which hardly anyone uses.” He replied not even looking at me. I mean he was at eye level with my legs. I reckon any other day he would have noticed that. I did something that will make you ashamed of me.

“Are you ok? You look like you’re going to faint or something,” I said looking at him. It was true, his face was pale, his hair was messier than usual and there was no smirk on his face.

“You don’t really care if I’m ok so I don’t see why you’d ask.” Potter said looking down at his hands. I felt bad for him; it’s easy to hate him when he’s being a jerk not when he’s looking all vulnerable.

“I don’t ask questions I don’t want to know the answer to. Do you need to go to the Hospital Wing?” I asked crouching next to him. You would have done the same thing Gwen.

“I’m fine thanks for asking; I’m simply thinking is all.” He replied in a very hollow voice. He didn’t say anything else but simply stared off into space. I stayed there for another minute but he didn’t move so I shrugged and walked off.

“Well Potter, if you need any help just yell, I’ll be patrolling this area.” I said as I walked away. He didn’t move.

What do you reckon is wrong with him?

Given the lack of interest he’s showing in the class I say there is something wrong with him. Look Black, Lupin and Pettigrew are all laughing about the class but Potter isn’t moving. Do you think the pranks have gotten to him? Is it time to move on to the next bit of our plan?

I don’t think it’s the pranks. I think its something else. Not that it matters but like I said, it’s easy to hate Potter when he’s a jerk not when he’s vulnerable. Its not going to be fun if he suddenly turns all sensitive.

I guess we’re going to have to find out what’s wrong with him so we can see if we continue our plan. You are right; we can’t attack our enemy if they are already down. I mean where’s the fun in that? Plus we aren’t like the Marauders. Kicking someone when they are down is wrong even if they deserve it.

Maybe we should ask Nick. He should know what’s wrong.

I guess…

If we had another option we wouldn’t ask him. I know you don’t want to get him involved but it’s just a simple question.

Alright Lils we’ll ask him at dinner. Look at him, he’s all concentrated in class. Oh crap he saw me looking at him!

He’s grinning about it. That’s a good sign. Oh I have an idea for anti-Marauder article. But of course first we need to find out what’s wrong with Potty brain.

Right that’s our next mission. Now pay attention to werewolves.

Oh yeah the big dogs that eat you.

**
A/N:Ok so I've been really inspired to write this one I dunno why maybe I'm on crack. Anyway I like the convo between Sirius and Gwen in this one. Quite fun to write. Big thanks to Lauren for all her help she's just amazing. Thanks for the feedback!
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PS: Quack

Common Room

Honestly Potter must be bi-polar I swear!

To think that we were feeling sorry for him! Maybe he just had too much to eat or something, Urgh stupid Potter I just want to go over there and kick him!

Well at least this won’t interrupt our plan, I mean if something was really wrong with him then we’d have to stop but seeing as he’s obviously fine then there’s no problem right?

Right, see I told you he noticed my legs

And that makes you happy doesn’t it?

Ew actually it makes me want to cut them off! I wonder if he’d keep annoying me if I had no legs…

You’re the first girl to reject him; he’s not giving up so quickly.

How do you know this?

You told me to talk to Nick during dinner so I did.

What’d he say?

Ok so I got to the Great Hall before you because you had your silly prefect duties. I was sitting alone still thinking about things when I heard someone sit next to me

“Are you ok Gwen?” Nick asked me as I looked up. His eyes were full of concern. I smiled at him.

“I’m fine, just thinking.” I replied not being able to stop looking at him.

“I don’t believe that, you’ve been distracted all afternoon. You looked really troubled during Defence Against the Dark Arts. Is something bugging you?” he asked still looking at me. I felt myself blush again as he took my hand, “Is Black still bothering you?”

“Nick I’m worried about you. See I don’t think you’re really aware of what you’re getting into by spending so much time with me.” I said honestly. I figured I’ve always been pretty direct about things there is no reason to stop now.

“If you’re referring to the Marauders then don’t-”

“It’s not only them you have to worry about. You see as much as I hate to admit this, I have a lot of issues. The only one who’s been able to really be my close friend for a long time is Lils. She puts up with my strange moods, with my rude remarks, she’s the only one I’ve ever really allowed to get close to me,” I said quickly not being able to look at him in the eye anymore. I don’t think I’ve ever been so perfectly honest with a guy before.

Hey Gwen everyone has issues my friend. That doesn’t make you weird and it’s not hard to put up with you. You have more pros about you than cons.

You’re going to make me cry dear. Anyway before you do make me cry let me continue.

“I just want you to know exactly what you’re getting into by spending time with me. I mean I dunno if I’m worth all the hassle you’d have to endure.” I said shrugging still looking at my untouched food. “Marauders can be vile Nick; they’re jerks who don’t care about other’s feelings”.

“Gwen, look at me,” Nick said taking my chin lightly. I looked up unwillingly. “I know exactly what I’m getting into. I don’t care if those guys play pranks on me, I don’t care if you snap at me once in a while. You are worth the hassle. I like spending time with you, no one, and I mean NO ONE is going to scare me away. I’m not easily intimidated”.

Oh dear Merlin! I want one of those! Where did he come from? Directly from a Jane Austen book eh?

Ha he’s like Edmund, or Mr. Darcy! But stop Lils, I’m blushing again.

So he was being evil and making me blush when you come in yelling at Potter and he’s laughing and your mad.

“Why doesn’t he just call it a quits? I mean obviously Lils doesn’t like him so he really should have a little bit of dignity and just say ‘I’m done’,” I said looking at you instead of him to try not to feel so embarrassed. I mean I was feeling really, really flustered.

“Well James is a good guy when he wants to be. Now he’s really infatuated with Lily because she’s the first girl who doesn’t drool over him. A challenge I suppose. Guys love the chase but once they have the girl the excitement is over.” Nick shook his head as you hit Potty breath. “It doesn’t matter to James that he’s making a complete idiot out of himself; he has a target in sight and will do anything to achieve his goal”.

“Are you that way? Loving the chase I mean,” I asked taking a piece of my chicken in my mouth. It felt like rubber but that gave me something to do.

“I’m not like that. I think girls shouldn’t be treated like trophies. I have a sister and I’d hate if some jerk treated her that way. I figure all girls are someone’s sisters or best friends.” Nick said looking over to a cute girl in Ravenclaw. Did you know he had a sister Lils?

Actually I did. She’s on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team. Nice girl.

Well that’s pretty much all. You joined us and ranted about Potter while we ate and laughed. I’m really nervous about the Hogsmeade trip! What if Black ruins it for me?

Look, to make you feel better I’ll take care of Black that day. I’ll make him do something stupid and give him detention that day. Don’t you fret.

Abusing your prefect power! Right on Lils! You are completely amazing!

Well Remus abuses his power to get his friends out of trouble so I can do it once in a while right? Gwen this is your ‘get out of jail free’ card. There is only one in the pack so don’t think I’m going to do it again.

You lost me, what about getting out of jail?

Remember I taught you how to play a muggle game called Monopoly?

Oh right! Yes I understand now. Sorry I kind of forgot about that.

I guess boys really do turn your brain into mush. Ew that is why boys drool and girls rule!

…Wow the level of maturity you’re acquiring is impressive.

Well it’s true! Look at Potter he’s drooling

Um Lils… that’s because your two top buttons are open…

And you’re just telling me that now?!?!?!?!?! How embarrassing!

If you’ve got it, flaunt it

Breakfast

Please tell me you’ve managed to get Black detention for today!!

Nope, it’s like if he’s been extra careful not to do anything stupid!

Come on I overheard him yesterday telling Potty breath that he’s going to ruin my date with Nick!

Don’t worry Gwen I have a plan. You just concentrate on not spilling anything on that amazing top of yours.

Wow that is going to be a challenge. Have you seen Nick?

Nope I haven’t seen him yet but we are early for breakfast so he should be here soon.

Unless Black has gotten to him and has him locked in a trunk!

You really need to stop reading my mystery novels Gwen; you take them way too seriously.

Well what do you want me to do? I’m so nervous I dunno how I’m even sitting still!

You aren’t. You’re kinda fidgeting a lot.

What did you expect? Oh dear Merlin… he looks… ahhhhhhhhhh I’m speechless!

Well Gwen is no longer available. She’s now talking to Nick who I must say looks very nice. Obviously he wasn’t locked in a trunk. He’s wearing a blue turtle neck sweater and black trousers. His hair is well there is no way of describing his hair. It’s just cool! His dark eyes are vivid and shining. He’s wearing his glasses which wow makes him look sophisticated. I like guys with glasses… well except Potter. He’s the exception to the rule of all guys with glasses are hot! That sweater is showing off his toned body wow I’m making myself blush! Don’t worry Gwen he’s all yours.

Ew Black and Potter just walked in. Black is glaring at the happy pair. I have a plan for Black and Potter. They are going to be stuck in detention with me. I know I’m going to suffer the agony of having to stay in detention with them but hey that’s what friends are for right? Gwen is going to owe me big time!

And there they go. Gwen and Nick are walking out of the Great Hall…. Black is glaring at them but is finishing his breakfast. I wish I didn’t have to do this because imagine having to be locked in a room with Black and Potter… it’s what nightmares are made of. Here’s my cue.

Detention

Well I’m glad to say that everything went according to plan. I am sitting in the transfiguration classroom with Black and Potter. They are currently whispering to each other as I’m writing in here. So this is how it went down.

“Oi Black, Potter a word please,” I said getting up as they walked into the entrance hall.

“For you Evans I’d give you all the words you want.” Potter said winking at me, “Hell I’ll give you more than words… way more”.

“Keep dreaming Potter because that is the only place you’d be able to get near me without losing your… member,” I said rolling my eyes. Black looked impatient but stayed there.

“You’re thinking about my member eh? Are you impressed?” Potter replied stupidly

“Actually I’m wondering if you use tweezers to pee because I don’t see how you can find something so small!” I shot back. Black started laughing at that, “Actually my business is with Black”.

“Tough break Red, I’d never go for you because Prongs wants you bad. I don’t break the first cardinal rule of friendship,” Black replied grinning, “But if he wasn’t interested I’d go for it!”

“I don’t do pigs sorry,” I snapped. That was exactly what I wanted. I needed them to tick me off and give me a motive to hex them, “Actually I just want to give you a warning, leave Gwen and Nick alone”.

“Now Red, you should know better than to meddle in other people’s business!” Black said smirking. “I can do whatever I want to Patterson and Fabbio. That’s just how cool I am! Actually I’m running late thanks to you, so if you excuse us…”

“I can’t let you do that Black. Gwen deserves a little time alone with Nick. Now I’m not like those two girls who keep messing with you. I don’t know how to come up with little pranks to annoy you but I can hex you,” I said pointing my wand at them. I knew McGonagall would be walking by soon, “I’m just wondering which hex would be best…”

“Now look here Red, Prongs may not want to hex you or do anything to you but I’m not going to have a problem with it! Now don’t make me hurt your pretty little self. Move out of my way before I make you move,” Black said pointing his wand at me. Potter was staring back and forth without knowing what to do.

“Padfoot mate you can’t… let’s just go…” he said quietly.

“She started it mate! I’m not going to let anymore chicks intimidate me!” Black snapped. I took the moment to send a hex at him. It almost hit him but Potter pushed him out of the way, “You little hag!”

He sent a stunner at me which I easily deflected. Potter took out his wand but didn’t know who to help. I sent another charm at him which crashed with his spell in mid air. It hit a statue.

“What is going on here? Miss Evans! I never expected to see you duelling; you know it’s not allowed!” McGonagall said arriving. I put my best ashamed face but was still glaring at Black.

“I’m sorry Professor,” I muttered

“Well it looks like you 3 aren’t going to Hogsmeade today. Go to the Transfiguration classroom, wait for me there!”

“But Professor she started it! It wasn’t my fault!” Black complained. McGonagall glared.

“I don’t care Mr. Black! You were duelling! Now do as you were asked or you’ll have detention all week!”

“Professor I have to go to Hogsmeade!”

“Mr. Black you aren’t going anywhere today! Go now!” the Professor snapped.

We walked up to the Transfiguration classroom. Black was glaring at me but I was smiling. I had gotten detention and was happy about it.

Now I’m sitting here bored out of my mind as the two idiots are still muttering about something. See guys don’t do this for their friends! They think only about themselves which is what makes them different from girls. We actually think about others.

Oh wait they are turning towards me.
“Evans you suck did you know that?” Black just said to me with annoyance, “What are you writing?”

“I’m writing about how much I suck!” I snapped at him not looking up from my book.

“Why do you think that Fabbio is better for Gwen than I am?” Black asked with a strange sort of tone.

“Wow that really is a difficult question, let’s see… Nick has been nothing but nice to Gwen, he makes her laugh, he’s not a rude pompous and arrogant butt face. Plus Nick is hot, he’s very hot!” I said looking up with a very satisfied look on my face. Potter scowled at what I said.

“Fabbio is not hot, he’s a good guy but he’s not hot,” Potter said glaring at me. Wow sensitive about the subject eh?

“Well most of the female population thinks he’s mighty fine looking!”

“You talk about him like if he was an object to stare at instead of a human!” Potter said obviously annoyed by my words.

“Oh so it’s ok for men to treat women as objects but if we do it we’re bad and superficial is that it?” I was about to go all feminist on them. They were messing with the wrong girl.

“It sounds bad when a woman says things like that. Women are supposed to be gentle and graceful not ogling guys’ goodies!” Potter said stupidly. Wow it was like if we had travelled back in time when women were worth less than a donkey. Men are pigs.

“Well you know what Potty breath; women have every right to treat men as object as men have a right to treat women as objects! When you stop treating me like a piece of meat then you can talk!” I was really starting to get mad! “Now Black you have to understand that you’re not good enough for Gwen, you’ve never been good enough and you never will be good enough. So stop trying to intimidate Nick and stop hassling Gwen”.

“Why should I listen to you? You hate my guts and you always have…”

“Black you haven’t even known me very long! We’ve been in the same classes for years but you’ve barely realized I exist so how could you possibly know how long I’ve hated you?” I asked kind of forgetting about our plan.

“I can tell by the way you look at me, I know neither you nor Gwen can’t stand me, that’s what makes this fun!” Black said grinning at me. The same grin that used to make me swoon now makes me what to puke. “Why won’t you go out with Prongs here, he’s a good guy and he likes you even though you insult him… it doesn’t get much better than that!”

“Dating a dementor would be better than that! I will NEVER date Potter! I’m not a stupid fan girl for goodness sake!” I snapped. Now I know I was harsh because Potter winced but didn’t say anything.

“Ok I’ll make you a bet, if I win; you go on a date with Prongs. If you win I leave Patterson alone for two weeks.” Black said smirking. I arched an eyebrow, “I learnt how to play muggle cards… its called poker. Do you know how to play?”

“I’m muggle-born idiot of course I know!” I snapped. “Give me a moment to think ok!

So that is what I’m doing, I’m taking a moment to think. Now I’d be able to free Gwen from Black for 2 weeks! She’d have some quiet time to think and enjoy time with Nick. But on the other hand if I lose I don’t think I could stand an evening with Potter. I might stun myself or something. What to pick… if only I had my magic 8 ball with me…

“Fine Black, but I make the rules. Best two out of three games wins, no leglimency, no having Potter look over my shoulder. No cheating of any kind do I make myself clear?” I just barked at him. Well not barked like a dog more like screamed!

“Clear as a transparent tube top!” Black smiled and summoned a deck of cards, “Would you like to examine them so you can see they are normal cards?”

“I would actually, I’d never trust a pig like you,” I said taking the cards and examining them. I did a few charms on them to see if they had been tampered with. They were clean. “So do you want it to be poker or blackjack?”

“I say we play strip poker instead!” Potter said smirking. Black hi fived him. “Are you up to it Evans? A little game of strip poker with two studs that’s what many girls’ dreams are made of!”

“How about you go shove your head in a toilet then go play in a pile of thestrels dung,” I replied still checking the deck. He laughed.

“I’ll go if you come with me,” he replied

“I’d rather play patty cake with the Whomping Willow than go anywhere with you,” I said calmly looking up. He looked amused like if what I said didn’t affect him, “Ok Black they are clean”.

“You need to learn to trust me Red, I may be a jerk but I’m not a liar,” Black said taking the deck and shuffling them. I rolled my eyes at him.

“I think the word jerk doesn’t cover what you are”.

“Ouch Red that hurt, suddenly I want to run to my dorm and cry under my bed,” Black said pouting. Potter laughed.

“But then where would your inflatable doll go? I doubt both of you fit under there,” I countered. Black blushed slightly, “Oh dear Merlin you do have an inflatable doll under there? That is disgusting! You don’t get enough from the girls you manipulate into sleeping with you, you also have a disgusting muggle artefact for that?!” That was just disgusting! I mean I’ve been in their dorm messing with their stuff but I never saw a doll in there. “Plus if I do recall an article from the magazine you said you always lie to girls.

“Let’s just play Red. The faster I beat you, the sooner Prongs gets his date,” Black said dealing the cards. “What is it with you and that book? Can’t you stop writing for a second?”

“Shut up and deal,” Turns out we played Blackjack instead of poker, “Do you actually know how to add Black? You can use your fingers if you like”.

It was an interesting game; the thing is, I kind of forgot to mention to him is that I used to play with my grandma every weekend until she died! I am an ace when it comes to card games! So guess who won… come on take a wild guess…

“You cheated Red! I’ve never lost until now!” Black whined. I laughed as I looked at him smugly.

“There’s a first time for everything! I’m just better than you Black, every girl is better than you Black!” I said laughing still. Potter looked impressed but didn’t say anything.

So now I’m bored but very satisfied with myself. Black and Potter are staring off into space; I’m very tempted to do something stupid to them but naa. That would require too much effort.

I know! I’ll get to work on the next Poison Ivy piece for the magazine.


ASK THE SUPER GIRLS: THEY KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS

After reviewing the amount of responses Poison Ivy and Wonder Women have gotten, we at the FYI magazine have decided to give the girls their own advice column. They receive incredible amounts of owls with questions and now we are giving them a place to answer the questions other girls have. We believe that these girls will be able to give the answers to a lot of our readers’ questions.

“We are average girls who decided to take control of our lives. We got tired of being played with and now we are doing the playing.” Poison Ivy said when asked about their project, “Wonder Woman and I would like to be able to help others learn to take control of their lives. There is a quote from a brave muggle woman that says ‘It is better to be a lion for one day that to be a sheep your whole life’. That is what we want, that and a little revenge”.

We invite all our readers, may they be male or female, to ask these girls anything. They will pick two questions for each issue of FYI Magazine. We take our jobs as editors of this magazine seriously and we’d never print something that was unethical. If you have any questions regarding our newest column, don’t hesitate to ask Gwen Patterson who is our main editor.

Now all that is left to say is ask, ask, ask!

This is going to be a lot of fun! Answering people’s questions as our alter egos is going to be a riot. Right now we’re working on the first question. Well I am anyway. Gwen has her own question to answer. Mine was sent in by a girl who calls herself Hogwarts’ idiot. Let me show you.

Dear Superhero girls,

I feel like a complete and utter idiot! I hope you are able to help me because I don’t know what else to do! I’ve tried talking to my friends but they always seem to be busy with their own stuff.

I’ve been dating this guy for about 8 months. He’s absolutely amazing! I adore him but I think he’s cheating on me. I don’t know for sure but all signs point to cheating. Like the other day he gave me a hug and smelt like perfume. Or he was late to our last date and arrived with his hair in a mess and his zipper down. I tried to ask him about it but he said I was being paranoid and annoying. I don’t want to seem like an idiot but I just wouldn’t be able to stand the fact that he’s cheating on me!

What should I do? Should I try to talk to him again? Should I just dump him without explaining? Should I try to catch him with the other girl? Please help me!

Desperate,

Hogwarts’ idiot

I’ve found out who wrote this letter and who her boyfriend is. I’m doing my own investigation to find out if her boyfriend really is cheating on her or not. So yeah this is going to be great! Wow time flies! McGonagall just came in to tell us that we have to go help Slughorn in the dungeons. Oh joy! But at least he likes me so he won’t make me do anything too bad.

Gwen when you read this… You owe me big time!


Dear Hogwarts’ idiot,

First off you aren’t an idiot! No one can judge you seeing as at one point or another we all mess up.

After a lot of investigation and thinking about what advice to give you I’ve come up with what to say. I don’t think your guy is cheating on you. I do believe he has a secret that to him is embarrassing but I doubt he’s cheating on you.

Here are some signs guys give off when they are cheating on their girlfriends.

- They have random mood changes. One moment they are all hugs and cuddles and the next they are rude and treat you like dirt. That is a big neon coloured sign that your guy is cheating.

- He seems very jumpy and paranoid when you ask him where he is spending his free time. When you offer to go with him he gets mad and says you’re smothering him.

- You hear rumours about him being with other girls. Now this is a key point to knowing. In a school like ours, gossip flies faster than a broomstick! If he were seen with another girl, you’d hear about it.

- He hardly calls you by your name. Using pet names like love, honey, sweetie, cutie, etc. is a tip off to knowing a guy is cheating on you. Guys use this technique so they won’t mess up the names. If your guy is calling you pet names all the time then you should worry that maybe he doesn’t remember your name.

- He begins to threaten you with leaving you if you ask too many questions. This reporter asked known player James Potter about this point. He said: “When a girl gets too whiny about where you’re spending your time or what you are doing, what I’ve found that works is to say ‘if you don’t like it then I guess you should start finding yourself another guy’. It always works because girls are stupid enough to cling on to you! Of course they do because they know they will never find someone as amazing as me!”

So my dear friend, think about your boyfriends behaviour. I’ve been observing him to see if he is showing any signs of cheating and he isn’t. There is something that he is doing that he doesn’t feel ready to share with you yet. What I suggest you do is sit him down and talk to him. Tell him you’re willing to understand whatever he says but you don’t want to have any secrets between you two. Secrets kill a relationship. A good sturdy relationship is based on trust and honesty.

If that doesn’t work then tell him he is acting like the Marauders. That will do the trick because no one wants to be with a lying, cheating, good-for-nothing player!

Good luck!

Poison Ivy
***
A/N: So I almost lost this fic for being lazy!!! I should hit myself! *hits head* *cries* anyway I didn't lose it thanks to the wonderful people of VTM. Mainly to Anita because she's a super hero! Big thanks to her wonderful super hero girl self!
So this chapter is long and kinda dull... but I liked I think... I wrote it a long time ago but because of the job I havent had time to post! But I did it! So I hope you all enjoy! Next chapter is super funny .

Feedback please oh please

Hogwarts express

Well that was interesting Lils! I loved the article for the newest issue! I think it’s awesome we get to help other girls!

Gwen you are so holding out on me! I asked you yesterday how things went with Nick and you ignored me! Come on I don’ get to see you during the holidays so tell me!

Oh come on Lils! I can’t it’s too… urgh I don’t want to blush in front of Brenda, she has been looking for something to make me mad ever since she lost that bet to me!

See you’re a bad friend! You owe me! I put up with hours of detention with not only Black but also Potter! Can you imagine how horrible it was to be in the same room with BOTH of them?!

All right, all right I’ll tell you! Gosh you don’t have to get all feisty on me!

Yeah well don’t mess with me because I’m evils!

Right Lils you’re evil… anyway. What do you want me to tell you?

Everything please, I’m living vicariously through you!

Only because you want to, so anyway after we left the Great Hall we walked outside. It was freezing and I was stupid enough not to wear my thick jacket so I was really cold but I didn’t say anything. My stupid teeth started clattering after a while.

“Gwen you’re shivering! Why didn’t you bring a thicker coat?” Nick asked looking at me. We were almost to Hogsmeade by then. I smiled and shrugged.

“I’m n-n-not cold at all!” I said shivering like mad. Stupid lack of body heat! He shook his head and stopped. He took off his nice jacket and handed it to me, “No, no Nick you’re going to freeze!”

“I’m wearing a very thick sweater, don’t worry. My sweater is rather thick and curiously my mum cast a spell on it making it the warmest item I own,” he said smiling and putting his jacket over my shoulders. I couldn’t help but snuggle into it. It was so warm and smelt so good! “Looks good on you, a bit too big but it looks good!”

We continued to walk a little closer together. I figured if I had his jacket, the least I could do was try to keep him warm.

Right that was very selfless of you!

I know I’m all about giving.

I’m sure you’d like to give him something else!

Lily! You’re nasty! Anyway we walked down to the Three Broomsticks to get a butterbeer to warm up a bit. I thought we were going to stay there but we didn’t. We talked a bit about my work for FYI but once we finished our butterbeer we left.

“Where are we going?” I asked as we walked down the main street. We walked by a shop and I took his hand, “Come with me for a second!”

“What? Why?” He asked as we walked into the clothing shop. I smiled. I had a bit of money on me; Aunt Paige decided she wanted to give me some money for no reason.

“Well seeing as I have your jacket, I figure you need another one!” I said looking around. Nick laughed and shook his head, “I’m not taking no for an answer”.

“Why don’t we buy you a jacket instead?”

“Because I like yours and if we bought me one I’d have to give yours back so lets buy you one instead,” I said laughing. His jacket was really nice and the best thing was that it smelt really nice. I looked at a black jacket that was really cute, “Try this on. Let’s see how it looks on you”.

“You have a good sense of style, but that isn’t very surprising,” He said smiling at me. He put the jacket on and spun around once. “What do you think?”

“Makes your eyes look darker… I like!” I said looking him up and down.

“You’re checking me out aren’t you?”

“Um no, I was just seeing the jacket,” I replied blushing. I was checking him out.

We walked quite a bit. We were nearing the edge of town when we arrived at the foot of a mountain.

“Please don’t tell me we’re hiking because it’s too cold for hiking!” Actually I was feeling too lazy for hiking but I didn’t want him to think I was lazy. He laughed and took my hand. He began to walk up the mountain. “Seriously I’m not hiking up this mountain, its way too high!”

“We aren’t hiking up the whole mountain. I want to show you a place.” I said pulling me. I scowled and he laughed. He took my other hand, “I’ll give you a lift”.

“Don’t be stupid, I’m way too heavy for you,” I said trying to pull my hands away.

“You just called yourself fat!” he laughed and I rolled my eyes, “Oh come on Gwen you aren’t heavy! I’m quite stronger than I look you know”.

“It’s not that I don’t think you’re strong or that I don’t think you look strong; it’s more like I don’t want you to fall down a mountain with me on your back!” I said as I unwillingly jumped on his back. He was stronger than I thought he would be.

Oh my gosh he carried you up a mountain? Is he like super man? Honestly you aren’t fat Gwen but you are heavy!

Hey I’m not that heavy and yes he carried me. I’m not sure if he has a secret identity but I wouldn’t put it past him. Anyway he carried me a bit further without any effort. I really don’t like being carried around like a rag doll but hey it beat walking! We arrived at this kind of cliff thingy, where he had set up a blanket with a basket on it.

Oh my gosh how cute is he! He made a picnic in the middle of winter!

Har, har he set up a heating charm!

Heating charm… is that what you crazy kids are calling it now a days? I’m sure he kept you warm if you know what I mean.

So you were right, stupidity is contagious and spending time in detention with the pigs made your brain die!

Right… that was a bad joke dear. Let’s pretend you didn’t say anything ok? How about you keep telling me about your date.

Right so I was pretty surprised to see that he had gone down before I had to set things up. So he set me down on the blanket which was very warm and comfy. The view of the castle there was amazing! I was in awe at how beautiful everything was there.

If you tell me that he told you that you were far more beautiful than the view I’m going to hurl go into a diabetic coma umm awe at you.

Is this the part where I’m supposed to laugh?

Nope… wait for it… wait for it… NOW!

Never letting you hang with the Marauders because it does make you stupid! He didn’t say that.

“Wow the view is great Nick! It’s like a painting or something!” I said as I looked at the view. He smiled.

“I know that’s why I brought you here. I figured restaurants are over-rated and also full of people. Plus what’s more fun than having a picnic in the middle of winter?” He said laughing and taking the food from the basket.

He so did not say that! You just added that because I said it!

He really did say that, if you want you can go ask him!

I think I will! If he didn’t say that then you have to umm… buy me 3 new books!

Fine but if I win you have to let me dress you up for the party to celebrate New Years!

Fine! I’ll be right back!

It’s kind of embarrassing that Lily just ran out to find Nick to ask him what he said. Now if I didn’t know Nick as well as I do, I’d be embarrassed but I know he’s going to laugh at the question. I think I’ll continue writing because Brenda and Jenny are really annoying. I don’t know why we keep sharing a compartment with them! They are now talking about who is hotter Potter, Black or Lupin. I can’t believe Brenda still likes Black after he shagged her then dumped her.

So we sat there talking about a lot of things. Suddenly the conversation turned towards the Marauders. It figures, they seem to be coming up everywhere!

“So why do you hate them so much? I mean I get they can be jerks and complete gits, but sometimes they are pretty fun,” Nick said looking at me strangely. For some reason I think he knows something he’s not telling me. Like he gets this look in his eyes that makes me think that he knows something about me that I don’t think he knows.

“Well I wish we wouldn’t talk about them,” I replied evasively, “See the thing is that I’ve seen them hurt so many people, I’ve seen them walking around like if they were the kings of the school and it’ bothers me! It bothers so many girls but none of us have the courage to do anything about it!”

“So you agree with what the super girls are doing to them,” It wasn’t a question it was more like and affirmation.

“I think that it’s awesome that they are doing what others don’t have the guts to do but I wish they wouldn’t hide their identity. I’d like to know who they are so I can thank them for teaching the jerks of the school a lesson.” I relied trying to sound completely honest. I’m not very good at lying but he believed me I guess.

“Does that mean you don’t have any idea who they are? I mean you do publish their articles,” he said shrugging. He sounded like he was just curious. He wasn’t implying anything.

“They send me owls with their articles. I don’t know who they are but when I want to communicate with them I write them a letter and send it by return owl. I just have to wait for them to make contact first.” I replied shrugging. I needed to change the conversation, “Do you agree with what they are doing?”

“I dunno, I’m torn I guess. See I get that the guys probably hurt them and now they want to humiliate them back. I get that these guys have completely messed up with some people. What I don’t get is what these girls get out of it. I mean revenge sort of destroys you along with the person you’re trying to destroy.” He said looking into my eyes, “I know the Marauders can take what ever these girls throw at them. They’ve done a good job of embarrassing them but at the end of the day it’s the girls I fear for not the guys”.

“Why?”

“Because even if they accomplish whatever goal they set for themselves, is it worth turning into what they hate so much?” Nick said quietly. He had that look again. I shrugged.

“I guess we’ll never know. I just hope the girls don’t get in trouble,” I said stupidly. His words really struck a cord with me. Again all the doubts of whether we were doing the right thing. But I didn’t have time to think about that. “I have a question, has Black done anything to you? Has he threatened you?”

“Umm not really, no,” he replied looking away. He smiled and took a bite of his food. I arched an eyebrow, “Why do you ask?”

“Because I know he has. I’d like to know what he does or says to you. It is after all my fault you’re in this mess,” I replied sighing. He shook his head, “It is, you know it is!”

“I chose to, as Sirius says it “break the first rule of the dorm”. Gwen I care about you. I care about you a lot and no stupid pranks or idiotic words are going to change that. You need to stop thinking that you got me into a mess because as far as I can see, there is no mess”.

“But-”

“No buts, let’s just continue enjoying our picnic and no more talking about the Marauders or anything of that sort,” Nick said tucking a lose strand of hair behind my ear.

The rest of the day we spent it talking and laughing about the strangest variety of things.


Ok he did say that… pfft he was in the compartment with the Marauders.

He was? Why?

I dunno I didn’t ask.

Did he look ok?

He looked fine, mainly because Black wasn’t there. And hey Gwen…

What?

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

You’re stupid! Tell me how it went down!

Ok so I walked into several compartments looking for him till I found the right one.

“Wow Evans you’ve decided to accept my invitation to go out with me? I knew you would sooner or later!” Potter said as soon as I walked in. I rolled my eyes at him. “So I’ll take that as a yes”.

“How about you take that as a, ‘not even if we were the last two people on earth’. Nick I have a quick question for you,” I said sitting in front of Nick. He smiled and nodded, “When you went out with Gwen did you really say’ what’s more fun than having a picnic in the middle of winter’?”

“What the hell kind of question is that Evans?” Potter asked as Nick laughed. Lupin and Pettigrew were laughing to.

“Potter shut up; speak only when you are being spoken to.” I snapped. I looked at Nick waiting for him to stop laughing.

“I said something along those lines yes,” he replied shaking his head, “Why do you ask? What did Gwen say about me? Did she have fun?”

“That’s all I wanted to know thanks.” I said standing up scowling, “Stupid Nick why did you have to say that?!”

“I dunno?”

“She lost a bet mate that’s why she’s upset,” Potter said smirking. I looked at him surprised, “You have the look Sirius gets when he loses”.

“Remember what I said about speaking only when you’re spoken to. Merlin my dog is better trained that you are!” I replied rolling my eyes, I turned to walk out of the compartment but then turned around, “Oh and Nick, she did have a good time”.

And that was it!

I wonder where Black is.

Maybe he stayed at the castle for Christmas.

Well whatever. Where is Mary?

Umm I haven’t seen her since we got on the train. She’s probably gossiping with the Ravenclaws like usual. How about a little game of poker?

Alright but I deal this time. And no strip poker Lils, I’ve heard you love that game.

I love it just as much as you love Black!

----
A/N: Oh my gosh I'm so bad at posting but honestly I want to but never get around to it. Now the reason why I posted this chapter that I already had was because dear Nick left feedback today and I happened to stumble across it. Also this chapter goes out to everyone who still takes the time to read.
honestly I can't remember very well what the chapter is going on about but I do remember finding amusing. Hope you all like it and if you don't then sorry

Feedback if you dare

Secret hideout meaning Wonder Woman's bedchamber

Oh dear Merlin I am beyond bored! I swear I’ve read all the books I have, I’ve written all the letters I had to write and hey I’ve even done my school work! This is what I get for being so darn brilliant!

I wonder where Lily is… she said she would come over to hang out but it’s already been a week into break and I still haven’t heard from her.

I’m wondering if I should buy myself a puppy, that way I wouldn’t be so bored. My mother is home right now but blegh like that helps a lot. When she’s home she’s still working! So this is the reason why I’m writing in here, maybe I’ll distract myself some. I know I guess I can start working on the new article for the magazine. Let’s find a letter I like.

Dear Super girls,

I’m so confused it’s driving me crazy! Honestly I can’t for the life of me understand what’s going on with me!

So here’s my problem, theirs is guy I’ve liked for some time now. We’ve always been semi casual friends but this year something changed between us. Lately he’s been so flirty with me that I honestly don’t understand what’s going on. We’re in the same house and sometimes we sit together during breakfast or dinner. He loves to toss food at me or mess up my hair; he also takes my hand under the table or we have long staring matches during classes.

During a party that our house had we both got a little bit drunk and well one thing led to another and we ended up snogging in his dorm, he told me he really liked me. I don’t know if that was just drunk talk or if he was sincere.

Now I know you’re probably thinking, hey that all sounds great, but the problem is that he has a girlfriend! I didn’t know this until I asked him one evening in the Common Room if he had a girlfriend and he said yes! I don’t understand why he didn’t tell me before! I feel terrible about all the flirting! His girlfriend is from another house which is why I see him more than she does but honestly if someone was flirting with my boyfriend the way I flirt with him I’d throw her in the lake!

What am I supposed to do? I really have strong feelings for him and apparently he likes me! He told me that if he didn’t have a girlfriend he’d be with me. I don’t want to mess things up with him and his girl because I reckon she’s a nice girl but can I really ignore what I feel for him? I’m so confused and honestly I’m also quite peeved at him for not telling me before hand, I just have no idea what to do next. Help?

Slightly miserable,
Confused and Annoyed

Guys are jerks! What kind of jerk cheats on his girlfriend and doesn’t even inform the girl he’s cheating with that he has another girl! Blegh I like this letter. I’ll make this good… oh wait door! Hopefully it’s Lily…

I cannot believe this! I swear this is beyond stalking! Honestly I cannot believe my mum receives them like if they were her best friends in the bloody world! I mean come on! Ok to be honest there was a time in my life were I did wish that James Potter would be in my family room during break but now I’m revolted by the idea of it!

So ok I go open the door hoping its Lily but then I remember that Lily never knocks she just barges in because we’re cool like that. So I open the door and I see Sirius Black standing there with a ridiculous smile on his face. Behind him is James Potter who looked like an idiotic buffoon standing there with a smirk on his big head.

“No thank you we don’t need any Girl Scout cookies right now,” I said and closed the door before they could speak. I knew neither of them knew what Girl Scouts were because only muggles and muggle-borns knew. I must thank Lily for that one.

I walked into the family room and sat down. The door bell kept ringing and I just ignored it. I picked up a magazine and began to read.

“Gwen, are you deaf or just daydreaming?” mum said as she dried her hands and opened the door. I rolled my eyes as she gave out a surprised “Oh my”.

I cannot believe my mother let them in! I swear the look on Black’s face made me want to throw him in the fireplace and light it!

“What a pleasant surprise boys, what brings you around here?” my mother asked as they sat down. I was on the love seat and Black tried to sit there but I put my feet up, “Gwen, don’t be rude!”

“Don’t worry Sandra, I can find another place to sit. Gwen is pretty territorial,” Black said going to sit next to Potter who laughed. My mother glared at me and shook her head, “We were in the neighborhood visiting some school friends and we thought we’d drop in to say hello”.

“Oh you must stay for dinner!” my mum said absurdly pleased with their stupid story. Yeah right visiting a school friend! No one lives around here! I should know I grew up here.

“They’re busy mum. I’m pretty sure they have something to do,” I said glaring at the jerks. They grinned angelically at me.

“Actually since my parents are out of town for a couple of days we have nowhere to eat dinner. Neither of us can cook,” Potter said with a dramatic tone that I didn’t buy for a second. My mum sure ate it up. “I suppose we can always go eat at one of those muggle places that serve really disgusting food”.

“I hear that food is delightful! You should try it, life is short, live a little,” I said crossing my legs only to realize I was wearing my large shirt and some very tiny shorts. Black stared at my legs and winked. I glared at him.

“Don’t be silly, I insist you stay over for dinner!” Mum said glaring at me for being rude. I had enough. I stormed out of the family room. Mum followed me, “Gwen, what is wrong with you? Why are you so rude to those nice boys?”

“They aren’t nice boys mum, but then again you’d know that if you were here or if you read any of my letters. I’m going to Lily’s for dinner!” I snapped as I walked into my room. Yeah right I was going to get away with that.

“You aren’t going anywhere young lady. I do know why you don’t like these boys but I think it’s an immature attitude. You can’t go to Lily’s house today,” Mum said turning and walking back downstairs. I slammed the door and picked up the muggle thing mum got for her job. Smellytone something like that. Lily had given me her number so I called her.

“Hello?”

“May I speak to Lily?” I said softly. Lily warned me not to scream into the thing. I’m guessing her sister was the one to pick up.

“Freak! Phone!”

“Hello?”

“Lily I need you to apparate you bum over here right now! I am not dealing with this alone! Hecka no, I refuse!” I said quickly when she got on the phone.

“Calm down Gwen, what’s wrong?” she asked with a concerned tone.

“I need you here and I’ll explain everything. Just please come over as fast as you can,” I said adding a sigh at the end. I knew she’d be really ticked when she got here but hey I am not dealing with them alone!

“Ok I’ll be over in like 5 minutes. Good thing you called because Petunia has the mammoth over and he’s getting on my last nerve!” Lily said with annoyance. I snorted, “Can I spend the night?”

“Sure just get over here,” I said pacing my room.

“Be there in a bit then,” Lily said and hung up. I changed quickly and now I’m waiting for Lily to show up.

See when we started this whole thing I thought it’d be easy to carry on the plan, but now the mere thought of dating Sirius Black makes me completely and utterly sick.

Lils is here!!

Dinner table

Gwen Patterson I’m going to kill you did you know that?

I figured you might. Hey were you seriously going to let me face this hell alone? What happened to true friendship? One for all and all for one!

Except when it comes to the Marauders! Wouldn’t it have been easier to call Nick? I mean he’d have been the best one for this situation.

It didn’t occur to me because you know it’s always been bros before hos!

… That was truly frightening Gwen… I’m not letting you watch anymore muggle movies. They are rotting your brain. I don’t think you mum is too happy that we’re writing on the dinner table.

I want to see her do something about it. My own mother is a traitor. I say we make her walk the plank!

… Gwen… you are really scaring me.

“Girls, why don’t you leave your writing until after dinner,” mum just said with the voice that means we’ll be hearing a long chat about table manners if we don’t put it away. But wait before I stop writing I must give a sneak peak for what’s going to happen after dinner… Lily Evans… was sitting on James Potter’s lap.

Not by choice! Take that!

Take what?

I just kicked you didn’t you feel that?

Another sneak peak… Lily Evans playing footsie with James Potter!

I hate you!

I know.

Fine another sneak peak... Gwen and Sirius 'the pig' Black alone in her bedroom... I wonder what went on...

Ew, remind me to burn my house down. Its the only way to get all the germs off.

Right note to self... keep matches away from Gwen. What a story will be told after dinner. No more writing Gwen, your mum just did the evil eyebrow this and now the vein is appearing... I'm scared

Me too.

***
A/N: Long time no post right? Sorry just been putting it off but better late than never! I have three fics going now and I was writing the new one got the ball rolling for my old ones! So here is a weird chapter written while I was held hostage in my room for being sick! If its not coherent then thats why!

Hope you liked!

Feedback please!

Gwen’s family room

I laugh at Gwen. She got stuck with kitchen duty. On the downside I got stuck sitting with Potter in the family room. Okay let me explain what happened before Gwen comes back and turns everything gross.
So I arrive and of course I’m completely ticked. Here I am thinking that Gwen was in my need but instead I’m greeted by the moron Potter. So Gwen takes me to her room and I was so peeved.

“Lils you would have done the same!” Gwen says giving me the pout. I sigh and shake my head. “Don’t be mad at me. We need to be united against the evils that are in this house”

“I’m looking at the evil right now,” I replied walking towards the door. I had to go say hello to her mum because if not then she’d be angry. I walked into the family room and she was sitting there chatting with the two idiots like if they were best friends. “Hello Mrs. Patterson.”

“Hello Lily! It’s great to see you again. I’m sure you know these two wonderful young men,” she said smiling over at them. I arched an eyebrow.

“Yes, I have the misfortune of knowing these two wonderful pigs,” I said taking a seat in the empty couch furthest from the pigs. Gwen’s mum looks at me with surprise, “I hope you don’t mind that I came by”

“Nonsense Lils, you unlike others are always welcome here,” Gwen says sitting next to me. That’s when her mum gets the look we know so well.

“Gwen, can I have a word in the kitchen?” Mrs. Patterson says getting up. I look over at Gwen who simply rolls her eyes. So I’m left with a pair of morons who are simply staring.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Well, Sandra happens to be good friends with my parents and she knows us for a very long time,” Potter says looking at me with that disgusting look that makes me feel like if he could see through my clothes. I glare at him. “I will admit that this is the first time we come to her house. Actually it was an errand on my parent’s behalf”

“Excuse me; I have to use the loo,” Black says getting up and walking away. He gives Potter a wink on his way out. Potter gets up and sits next to me.

“Potter, why don’t you get away from me?” I said getting up and going to sit on another couch. He follows me and sits again. “I’m only going to warn you twice. I don’t care if Gwen’s mum loves you like the pig she never had, I will hex you.”

“Not if you don’t have your wand,” Potter said grinning at me. I reached in my pocket and realized my wand was gone. Potter was twirling it in his fingers. “I’ll give it back if I can have a kiss”

“I don’t need a wand to hurt you! Give it back!” I snapped walking towards him. I swear I will never understand why in the name of Merlin’s hat men are so immature. He began to run around the family room taunting me. I chased him but of course him being a stupid Quidditch player he was faster than me. It wasn’t until he tripped and fell on one of the couches that I was able to even get near. But of course me being me, I tripped over the rug and landed on his lap.

“Now this is a position I can get used to,” he said wrapping his arms around me. I was in like shock but I quickly snapped out of it and elbowed him in the chest. Before I could get up Gwen and her mum walked in at the same time as Black.

“Good going Prongs!” Black said when he saw that Potter’s arms were around me. I snatched my wand and tried to jump up but Potter’s arms were strong. Stupid male strength.

“Let me go Potter or I swear I will hex you into the next life!” I snarled.

“You will do no such thing. James dear, let Lily stand up,” Mrs. Patterson said smiling. I could have hexed her too. Gwen was staring at me wide eyed. I jumped up, turned around and punched Potter in the nose. “Lily!”

“Don’t ever touch me again! Next time I will introduce you to a new hex I created. I call it the castrator!” I growled and ran up the stairs. I knew Gwen was right behind me. I kicked her wall so hard my toe hurt, “Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!”

“What was that about?”

“Gwen, getting back to school the girls are back. Big prank! I don’t care what but it has to be good! I swear on Merlin’s beard that they are going to wish they had never met us before!” I shrieked and threw myself on Gwen’s bed face down to muffle a scream.

After a bit of venting and a lot of screaming I managed to pull myself together again. Just then there was a knock on the door.

“Hey Evans, your parents are calling you on the fellytone thing,” Black said from the other side of the door. I jumped up and opened the door. I pushed him to the side and made my way downstairs to speak to my parents. I thought Gwen was right behind me but I was oh so very wrong.

When I hung up, I went upstairs before I murdered James Potter. When I got to Gwen’s room it was locked. I tried to pull it open but it didn’t budge.

“Gwen? Are you in there?” I said as I knocked. There were muffled yelp. I knocked louder, “Come on Gwen, I’m not in the mood for games.”

After a few more bumps the door flew opened and out flew Sirius Black. Gwen’s hair was all over the place. Black was laughing as he stood up. He went down the stairs laughing like a maniac. I guess it was Gwen’s turn to rant.

“That disgusting, foul, slimy… argh! Who does… but he’ll see!” Gwen ranted as she kicked her mattress. She was far smarter than I. I still haven’t had a proper explanation of what happened in there. I can only imagine seeing as Black spent the rest of the evening winking at her. .. right on time. Gwen, how about you tell us what happened with Black in your bedroom?

Urgh don’t remind me about that. I have bad news before I explain.

Aren’t you just full of sunshine today?

I blame my mother. Anyway, the pigs are spending the night here. Apparently Potter’s parents can’t come pick them up and the Potter’s have a no apparation in their area so they are going to stay here. How about we go to your house?

My mum called to tell me they are fumigating my house. I have to stay here for a couple of days while the stink goes away.

I hate to do this but I doubt I can put up with Black stalking my bedroom. It’s still early. My curfew during the summer is midnight. Let me try.

Nice try Gwen. I knew it wouldn’t work though.

I dunno when my mum turned against me! Is it so wrong to ask to go and visit a good friend?

You should have just said boyfriend because we know that’s what Nick is going to be.

Don’t jinx it Lils! Never the less, not allowing her almost of age daughter to go out and have fun because I was rude to the jerks is completely unfair.

We must learn to deal. So tell me what happened in your bedroom before I make up what happened.

Okay fine. So I was going to follow you downstairs but Black stood in the way.

“Move Black or I’ll make you move,” I said trying to push by him like you did. He didn’t even move. I glared and shoved him. He still didn’t budge. He walked in and locked the door. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“I just want to talk okay?” Black said laying on my bed. I was going towards my door when he grabbed my leg which made tumble down to the ground. “Well that didn’t go as planned.”

“Let go of me before I-”

“Before you kiss me?”

“You wish!”

“I do actually,” he said making and attempt to kiss me. I quickly covered my face and his kissed my hands. “Don’t pretend you don’t want to kiss me! It’s quite obvious you do!”

“I don’t! When a girl says no, she means no!” I said trying to get away from him but he’s so bloody strong! I mean it was as good as attempted rape!

That’s a wee bit overboard don’t you think?

Well yeah but still! No guy has the right to try to kiss a girl if she doesn’t want it! What the hell is wrong with guys thinking that when we say no it’s yes and when we say yes its no! Women don’t have a different language. It’s guys that make us complicated!

“You’ll kiss Fabio but you won’t kiss me?”

“Nick is 1000 times better than you!” I said not moving. His grey eyes looked at me with a mixture of anger and defiance. I simply glared back.

“I hear that you’re into grey eyes better than brown eyes,” Black said leaning towards me. I couldn’t move.

“Looks aren’t everything Black,” I growled as he was closer to me. I could literally count every single one of his eyelashes. “Nick knows how to be sweet and caring”

“I can be caring,” he said softly. I shook my head. Just as his lips almost touched mine you knocked. He covered my mouth as I tried to yell for you. “Evans sure has the best timing.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “We’re going to have to leave this for another time I guess.”

I took advantage of his distraction and kneed him in the stomach. I scrambled up and tripped over him as I reached for my wand. I pointed towards the door them at Black. That’s what happened.

I’m sorry, but I can no longer be your friend. You have Sirius Black germs on your face.

And you have Potter germs on your butt and I still talk to you!

Touché, I think we’re going to have to take turns sleeping Gwen. I don’t trust them near us. Your mother shouldn’t trust those disgusting bags of teenage hormones near two delicate girls like us.

Delicate my bum, I’m willing to go full on Amazon Princess on them! You sleep first dear. You look exhausted.

My sister woke me up at the break of dawn. I detest her you know. When I rule the world I will make it illegal to wake up before 7 8am

Amen! Lily Evans for queen of the world! Look at those morons sweet talking my mother. She really needs to go out.

I hear Professor Dumbledore is available…

Ew Lils! The visual! Ouch my eyes! I will never be able to close them again! My mum and Dumbledore! Gross!

It’s like you saw mummy kissing Santa… except the thin version.

You need sleep Lils, you’re not making sense.

Or for once I’m making perfect sense… okay sleep time.

***
A/N: I know I know I'm a bad person for never posting but hey life is rude like that. Plus I've been writing a novel... and that takes most of my attention. But I was in a Revenge Diary mood. So here's a new chapter. Nothing exciting but I found it amusing. Anywho next chapter is bond to be much better... once I write it hahaha. Thanks to those of you who still read! I love yall for it!

Feedback

My balcony

What happens when you begin to doubt the concept you had of a guy? I mean I’ve spent the last few years hating him only to find out that I may have been mistaken. I blame my mother for this. It’s always my mother’s fault.

So Lily passed out as soon as her head hit my pillow. I grabbed the bag I keep all the letters and super girl things in and went to sit on my lawn.

Before my dad left he made me a tree swing and put a light there so that I could swing even after it was dark. It had been years since I felt the need to sit there. I placed an alarm on my room so I’d know if one of the morons tried to get in and sat in the freezing night air. Of course I grabbed a blanket because I’m not fond of being sick.

As I began to write down my response to the before letter about the creep and his girlfriends I heard some noise in the bushes. I sighed deeply and shivered pointing my wand towards the bushes. I heard an amused chuckle.

“Who’s there?” I cleared my throat and said hoping my voice didn’t shake.

“Someone who’s trying to observe you from afar but you are impossible to sneak up on,” Nick said as he stood up grinning. I felt my face flush. My gosh I normally make an idiot of myself in front of this guy! I don’t understand why he hasn’t run away from me screaming at the top of his lungs. “Are you trying to catch your death out here?”

“If the cold air doesn’t kill me, your prowling in the dark will! Why didn’t you just say hi?” I asked wrapping my blanket closer hoping he wouldn’t see my pajamas. He smiled as he grew nearer. His cheeks were quite rosy because of the cold night air, this simply added to the sparkle in his dark eyes. (Lily is going to tear the mickey out of me when she reads this but it’s so true)

“You looked deep in thought. See when Lily wrote to me saying that you might need some company I didn’t think she was serious but apparently you like staying up late. May I sit?” he asked as he looked at the swing. It could hold us both perfectly fine. I made room for him to sit down. He was warm and smelt so nice, “Hi”.

“Hello”

“What are you working on?” he asked looking towards my bag. I closed my book and put everything in the bag.

“Boring magazine stuff. I thought I could get this done but I can’t concentrate now,” I said smiling at him. He pushed his shoulder against mine.

“What’s wrong? You look upset,” he said in a soft tone. I felt myself blush even more. My gosh can so much red be on a girl’s face without turning into a tomato?

“Guess who’s sleeping over besides Lily?” I sighed. He shrugged. “Black and Potter. Potter’s folks are very friendly with my mom and apparently so is Black”.

“So that’s why your up. You don’t trust them to sleep in the same house as you without the protection of a magic castle. Those guys are idiots. If you want I’ll kick them out right now,” he said in an annoyed tone. I smiled and leaned my head on his shoulder.

“How about you stay right here,” I replied feeling how my stomach did a back somersault.

“Well when you put it that way I think I’ll stay right here,” he said putting his arm around my shoulders. “Worry not fair maiden, I shall protect thee from those scoundrels”.

“Thank you Sir Nick,” I replied laughing. I felt ridiculously comfortable. “Aren’t your parents going to worry about you?”

“I let my mum know I was going out and that I might be out late,” he said taking my hands with his other hand. He was so warm. “Your dad isn’t going to jump out with a muggle shot gun is he?”

“Well I don’t doubt he owns a gun but I haven’t seen him since I was a kid so if he shows up here I’ll probably be the one to shoot him,” I replied closing my eyes. Dad is still a touchy subject.

“It’s his loss,” Nick said very softly. His tone was so sweet that I looked up at him. He was looking at me, “Hi there”.

“Hi back”

I’m going to skip what happened after because I’ll blush too much plus it’s personal. It’s something completely PG but still. Well maybe for older than 15? Anyway, he randomly brought up the super girls.

“Gwen, why do you think they’ve been so quiet lately?” he asked looking up at the sky.

“Maybe they’ve been busy. Maybe they’re planning something big,” I replied linking my fingers with his.

“So you don’t think they’ve just called it even?” Nick asked looking at me strangely. Some times he has a way of looking at you that makes you think that he knows more than he’s letting on.

“I doubt it,” I replied shortly, “Why do you ask?”

“I was just thinking that they might not have the whole story about those two jerks. Sure they can be jerks but there are things that aren’t publicly known by the great people of Hogwarts,” said as I sat up. I looked at him expressionless. “I was just thinking that maybe the girls are acting because of other experiences as well”.

“You know something I really like about you Nick? I like that you’re always straight forward about things. Please don’t change that,” I said feeling myself a wee bit uncomfortable. My mum always says that I attack when I feel threatened. “If you want to say something just say it”.

“Well, I don’t want to ruin such a lovely night. I’m sorry I even mentioned it. I promise we’ll have this conversation when we get back to Hogwarts. In the mean time just remember that people act differently because of their situations. You are who you are because of what you’ve lived. Those guys in there are who they are because of they lives they’ve lived. I’m not defending them, not at all I absolutely detest Black and the attention he gives you,” he said taking my hand once again. I looked at him unsure, “I’m sorry”.

“You don’t have to apologize. Actually it’s me who has to apologize. I tend to bite people’s head’s off for insignificant things,” I said as he began to swing us. “That’s why guys tend to run from me”.

“With a talent like biting heads off I reckon they went running to tell the circus! Biting live bat heads is nothing compared to humans!” he said laughing and making us swing even higher. “I’m not going anywhere Gwen”.

So I’m going to continue to omit any mushiness because I get embarrassed. I kept thinking about what he said about the Marauders after he left. When I walked back inside I saw that my mum had left a note from Potter’s mum on the table. I read the first part before Black walked in. It mentioned something about Potter’s dad not being at his best.

“Didn’t you know that reading people’s mail is incorrect?” he muttered sleepily as he went to the refrigerator. I arched any eyebrow.

“Did you know wandering around people’s house’s without permission is even worse?” I said snatching the cake from his hand, “This is mine”.

“Your mum said I could have some,” he said taking two spoons. He looked really sleepy. “I get really hungry at night but I was waiting for you and Fabbio to stop snogging. That’s also wrong Gwen, your mum could have been looking out the window”.

“She doesn’t make it a habit of spying on me. She invites morons to my house but she doesn’t spy. Plus your one to talk about right and wrong,” I said taking the spoon from him and eating MY cake. Sure all of it would go straight to my bum but it’s MY cake. “You’ve snogged girls in front of Professor Dumbledore!”

“Yes but I’m a guy. It’s okay for me to do these type of things,” he said reaching out and taking a bit of my cake. I tried to move it away from him but failed. “Sharing is the icing on the cake Patterson”.

“I don’t like icing,” I said feeling stupid even saying it. He rolled his grey eyes. “Girls have the same rights as guys. That was a dumb thing to say”.

“I know but I know it annoys you and I’m very annoyed with you so I want to annoy you,” he said pushing his dark hair out his face as he grabbed more cake. I looked at him confused, “Don’t act like you don’t know why I’m annoyed”.

“I’m sorry but I left my copy of ‘Deciphering the moronic male mind for dummies’ upstairs,” I said remembering I had the bag with the letters and stuff under the table. I covered it with my blanket. “I really don’t care if you’re annoyed with me or not to be honest”.

“I hate seeing you with Fabbio”.

“Close your eyes then”

“Break up with him”

“No, shove your head in a toilet”

“Only if you break up with him,” he said taking another piece of cake. I glared at him.

“I wish you and Potter would just go away!” I said exasperated as I took a bite of cake. He smiled in a very sad way. “What did I hurt your feelings?”

“Oh no, I love it when you insult me. It shows me you care,” he said winking at me. I flinged a piece of cake at him but he caught it, “It’s doing James good to be out of his house for a bit”.

“And why is that?”

“It’s not my story to share. Just know you are doing some good for some good people,” he replied picking up the cake and putting it back in the refrigerator, “I’m going back to sleep and you should do the same. Don’t eat anymore cake right now. Sugar at night for a girl is bad, it goes straight to your thighs”.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” I snapped and grabbed a cupcake. He walked over to me as if he was going to take my cupcake. “What?”

“I’ll still find you hot if your fat,” he said taking a bite of my cupcake. I smeared it on his face. “Thanks. G’night Patterson”.

I grabbed my stuff and walked up to my room but I still can’t sleep. Now more than ever I’m thinking about what Nick said. Does Potter really have a reason to act out?

That’s stupid though because when my dad walked out on us I didn’t go crazy and start acting like a jerk. Sure I have issues trusting guys but hey after seeing what my mum went through because of it it’s normal.

Does Nick know it’s us and that’s why he said it? Oh man someone turn my brain off because it’s almost light out. I’m cold and tired. I need to sleep on it.

***
A/N: Oh my gosh I posted!!! I'm so excited!!! Anyway I have no excuse and I know I've lost like 98% of the people who used to read this and I'm sorry. I was actually planning on giving up on all of my fanfics because I seem to fail at it but dear Mr Nick inspired me with his fic and well here I am. So thanks to Nick for the inspiration and for letting me use him as a character. You are almost as cool as Sirius pal... almost.

So thanks to those who still read and to those who don't I'm sorry

Feedback pretty please