A Blast of a Pottery Past.....

and before anyone thinks it or asks.... no if i ever wrote a novel, which i doubt, i would never consider calling my series something rubbish like 'A Blast of a Pottery Past!!!' the main title will probs change when i have a main frame plot and thus the title can be relvant

feedback_ i would love to hear what you guys make of the material, so i can adapt the way i write and make it more enjoyable for you all.
as i said at the end of chapter one not all ideas will be used, and ridiculous ones will certainly be dismissed- like Albus falls strasight in to the lake and gets eaten by the giant squid...the end... i already thought of that one and decided its realy not that exciting

so thanks you reading my work and taking the time to review it and helping me make it better

there is now chapter two
im working on plot now to start building towards something, i have a rough idea but would still like to use YOUR ideas

and i just realised i cant change the main title of my fanfic dang, blast-ended-skewert!

there is now chapter three too

i will finish college in two week for the summer and so will be able to work more on my fanfic then after i come back off holiday

i estimate you have about three weeks till the next installment

happy reading x

my work is now being Betaed by hermionegal16
and the title is subject to change i'm just waiting for the mods to sort it out and reply to my PM

If I read correctly, you are looking for specific bunnies to abuse. Well, I shall give you some of my unwanted children, as you are a stranger, though don't be too mean to them; they do bite. So, because I have no life I did actually read through your entire thing, and I have to say that my favorite part are the changes in Hogwarts to commemorate the final battle. And Neville; he's my hero of heroness. Which actually exists.

The only thing I'd change, besides like grammar and spelling and all that, would be to to include slightly more dialog. I know I'm a hypocrite in saying that, but I'm writing from the point of view of a character who has no one to talk to, so why would I have dialog? She lives in her head. And I really thought dialog had a ue at the end, but apparently it's not dialogue... Which is weird... But your main character doesn't seem to speak much, which is cool, but he also seems to have little thoughts. The world happens around him, but he doesn't react mentally, which would really help. Get inside his head more, cause there's so much you can do with him as a character.

Another thing I'd do, if I were you, which you best be glad I'm not, is talk more about the person he saw at the beginning, the woman. She seems awesome, really. And why Malfoy is so freaking not Malfoyish at all! And why James seems to radiate Weasley'ness too, and be like his grandfather at the same time! Agh! James is a grandfather.... I never thought I'd ever see that.... Ah!! I just freaked out, cause that's way too scary for my brain to handle.... Basically, what I'm saying is that you've already drawn parallels to the past, why not expand them. Like, have your James be similar to my James with his attitude and his group of friends and all that. Keep Albus reserved, more like Lily, while Rose seems to be much like Hermione, and a tad Ginny too, but not by much. Just more outgoing. Also, the change in Neville; where'd that come from? Is Chang our Cho? I would have thought she'd be married by now... I'd marry her, but she doesn't like in Massachusetts or California.... Moving on. So, draw from these historical parallels, cause that'd make it better. We can see how the characters relate to each other, over time, the whole history goes in a circle kinda thing. We can understand where these traits come from, and also understand a story that has all new characters, yet reminds us of the past.

The last suggestion, which I guess is the first plot bunny I've given besides the small pieces; like I ripped the child to pieces to feed one at a time, after I dropped them on the ground, so I haven't found them all yet. I really need to stop this analogy. But, besides explaining why Albus can't sleep (oooh! Show why his name fits him, that'd be sweet! Like he' s Albus'y in how he thinks all the time, and yet Severus'y in... That side needs to be shown more! Sorry, I'll stick to one thought at a time...) go on with where you were, but instead of this normalcy that seems to continue, put a significant event in, so we see how he reacts the unusual. After all, he's Harry's child, he....Ah, that's so wrong... Harry, children.... Ah! I can't handle it... Sorry, I'm done now. But, seriously, he should have some Harry in him, even if we can't see it at the moment. Give him a challenge, allow him to prove that he belongs in Griffendor, since he was already challenged to do so before. Expand with who he is, why he deserves his name, what semblance he has of his father, all that. He's so different from Harry in his family, and in everything right now. Show that they're similar. Although, I'd be happier if James gets to be the awesome one like Gred and Forge, though he can't die (I'm crying on the inside) ever!

I know those thoughts were really rambled, so I'm going to summarize really quick.
1. Include more dialog and get inside Albus' head
2. Explain the mysterious woman at the beginning
3. Explain why their names fit them or don't, only without saying that... y'know
4. Draw historical parallels
5. Go on with the changes to Hogwarts so we understand this new-old place
6. Give them each a challenge; separate so we can see who they are

Hope that helps, especially the summary. You can alway mail me if needed; Death Eaters have owls, I swear we do. They're really pretty too... Mine's a northern spotted owl, and she's gorgeous. I miss my Feruginous Hawk, though... Couldn't fit in peoples windows here.

~Aeryn~

okay guys hang on in there
chapter4... needs to be beta and edited but i need it done to post on friday, but i have loads of college work and packing to do so it might be another week... sorry
though i could post it as chap 4 part one
then 2 after my hols.

i will try my best XD

righto
was going to finish off chapter four today but.... seems my usb has been moved by someone... so i have the lovely chore of finding it as thats what my stuff is stored on... im searching high and low i promise XD


ah two minutes after i post i find it lol i'll be getting to wrokt hen and sorry for the wait i will work harder

Hey, rach2603, so far you story is looking great! Who is that Professor Chang person? Is she the deputy headmistress, taking McGonagall's place? No, wait, is it CHO Chang? No way, it can't be!!

I feel so bad for Albus, not being able to fit in at Hogwarts right away. I like Rose, though, helping him out. She's a good friend...and most defnitely Hermione's daughter.

PM me when you update!`

~Maddie

OK... I'm think my beta is on holiday...
i have sent her chapters4 AND 5 to be betad
so those will be up ASAP i promise

I'm thinking I might put up chapter 4 part one which is half betad
yer I will!

I'm less lazy then usual, hence I actually felt like posting.So, chapter four is good, I like it so far. Much better with the POV, although I don't think I really understood what was going on until the end.

Here are the comments I made last time that I feel like you showed a lot more this time:
1. Include more dialog and get inside Albus' head
5. Go on with the changes to Hogwarts so we understand this new-old place

What I think could be worked into this chapter more are:
1. Include MORE MORE MORE dialogue (I'm not shouting, just emphasizing, really. I love the dialogue that's starting here; go with it, really, it's helping out a bunch)
3. Explain why their names fit them or don't, only without saying that... y'know
4. Draw historical parallels
6. Give them each a challenge; separate so we can see who they are

With Malfoy in this chapter, this gives a great opportunity to show the change in the relationships (Albus and Malfoy work together so much better than Harry and Malfoy; what change is this? Is there a part of this Malfoy's personality that is unlike his fathers?). That can be worked in with the names, as they go by the same name and yet seem rather different, and the challenge issue. Like, Quidditch for example. Not mentioned, yet it was something that was so significant between those two. Does it have a lesser meaning?

That's all I can think of for now. Well, not all, but all I bet you want to hear. Keep posting!

~Aeryn~

Aeryn, you read my blinking mind!!!

I had written chapter 4 before you gave me all those wonderful pointers! And now you mention ,quidditch, and showing why the names fit/ dont fit. which is in the end of chapter four and five- that's pretty scary but cool- how do you do it?!

And there's a mini-challenge too XD

Keep reading- well when I actually post new! do you want me to PM you when it's updated?

Okay, bare with myself and my marvellous beta. She is back at school and I'm back at college on thursday, so we are both busy sio new installments are going to be coming a bit slower...
plus the fantastic idea I had of how to link all these little bits into my fic, have gone astray...
so I am having to replot!!!
So I could do with a hand. any ideas please PM becuase I dont want this fic going caput

This is a good story. Poor Albus. Hah-hah. Rose is falling in love with Scorps. I wonder why Albus's room mates were put in Gryffindor. They are being right jerks to him. tut tut tut PM me when you get the next chapter up!!!!!
~Squish
by the way I go by Squish so call me Squish

Hey!
I read your fanfic so far. I think it really has potential.

The things I'd like to see:
-More dialogue, like Maitresse said.

-More portrayal of the characters.
Give us an image of how the new characters are. Rose, how does Albus perceive her? What does she think about her relationship with Scorpio? Jessica, will something happen between them? James, will he help his brother? And why is everybody eying Albus? How will he deal with it? Most of the times, people who are treated that way, do something heroic and then, everyone's ideas change. Like it happened with Harry in GoF. It was after the first game that everyone started to treat Harry more like a champion and less like a fraud. Develop the characters before going into an adventure. Albus and the rest are unknown field to us. Be creative, and risk!

-Do not push it. If you're not feeling creative, it won't work. You have to write with more than your mind, so that your story has a "soul" itself. Don't worry about updates and deadlines, if you really care about the story.

I'm going to reply now to your PM. I hope that these will help you. Try to get in your characters' shoes. What would like to happen to you if you were Albus?

~Alkisti

I have studied these comments so hard my eyes are bleeding!!!

Okay so moron-me lost the brain-storm and thought the story would just fall into to place while I went along _ no no and no again

but thanks to Alkisti i have a few great new ideas to throw around! instead of concentrating in lessons lol

so expect somethinng unique to turn up... I am thinking that Alkisti has really put me onto to something...

thanks for your patience all of you, college is just my first priority, i am sure you all understand

but i'm now going to REALLY think things through now XD

you wont get anything other than the best I can give... and this I pledge to my loyal feedbackers XD

I think I have lost any creativeness I had
I'm really worried that all hope is lost, and I really dont want to leave this fanfic!!! but i have no idea where to take it, even with alkasi's idea... whcih kinda doesn't work to well now we have discussed it

so any.. ANY! ideas you have for plot please say because I really want to carry on

my beta is working as fast as she can for you guys but she has school and other beta stuff

I also apologize for the delay in new stuff becuase not only have I lost the brainstorm I have
part-time work at the weekends
3 A levels
and an AS level
voluntary work
and am applying to university at the moment so im going to open days and stuff
and i have boyfriend and social life
driving lessons
sigh...

XXX I miss writing new stuff

okay guys, i promise yout hat the end half of chapter four will be up by tuesday

my beta had only just just the time to send it back and she is working hard to get chapter5 done for us
unfortunately there is nothing new after chapter 5.. so really need those plot ideas guys!
i am really quite embarrassed that this fanfic has faleln flat on its face
so please pick it and me up again:(

XXXX

plus anyone has any idea of how to get the moderators to change tiltes of threads and thread descriptions let me know, becuase i have asked 3 or 4 times and nothing's happening?

HOORAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

the title and etc has been changed

thanks passerby XD

so yer chapter 4 is fiished and edited and so read my children:D
if you have already read the new chapter 4 please read my last few posts on this thread and comment

I go to college, and choo change the name on me. I finally found you. I hadn't forgotten, I swears. I's Lost you!

Ok, so I know you updated chapter quatro, which is so wonderfully awesome, y'wanna know why?

MR. MR. Weasley! Ron is Mr Weasley, Arthur is Mr Mr Weasley. I kinda had a heart attack while squealing "Mr Mr Weasley!", twas amusing. Anyways... I really like where that went; it definitly opened up the characters more, not to mention that the thing between Albus and Rose is sig fig more pronounced. And the awesomeness of James and his ego, which is good. We're starting to see why they have those names, which is good. I kinda like how Rose is seeming to be kinda like Lily. Maybe enhance that, or sumthin.

Y'kinda left me at a stand still here, cause I really wanna know whats happened. Like, MR MR Weasley don't cry for no reason, and whatever did that, makes me sad, sad, sad. But, I'll try to share more bunnies with what we have. Whatever is making Arthur sad, def expand on that. Also, you still need to go more into the person we saw in the begginning, and the Chang thing too. The talk of James is putting a family dynamic in, which'll be interesting to play with as well.

I'm having less brain function than usual, but I'm trying not to repeat myself as well, which makes life hard, cause I'm so good at that. Oooh! Here's a good one. So, Harry discovered all those secret passage ways, and so did Gred and Forge (tears, tears). I think he'd be sad if his kids didn't find any of them; I mean, its the same thing about James and Harry. James wanted Harry to find the passage ways; I have a feeling it's in the blood. They could totally venture those, and to them, they is totally new. I doubt Harry would have given up the map, no matter what, so that'd be an adventure. Also, somewhere, go into the teachers, or even rumors. Like, lots of peeps think that Neville and Luna get together. Is it true? And, I doubt McGonagall is still there, though she might be. She'd be a really scarry old lady. Who's Headmaster/mistress? Go into the teacher stuff. And there's got to be some good rumors there, and is the Potions job still cursed? Do they know about the Dark Lord? New stories must have gone around since then...


OMG! what if one of the peeps who died defending the castle, is now a ghost!? That'd be fun to play with, though if it was Creevy, that'd be creepy. But ghosts are always fun.

Really, just go with this whole Mr Mr Weasley thing, finish that up, then start on another adventure, or mix the two together. Right now, I really like where this is going, cause Hagrid is there. Is Madame Maxine with him? Ok, need to stop on the 10000 questions. Good Luck! I like it!

~Aeryn~

oh my god! I am so sorry Aeryn
i had completely forgotten that the title was being changed because it took so long- but luckily passerby did it straight away when i asked
i just didn't think about people refinding it!!! but you did thankgoodness

I am so sorry how i have neglected this
i did forget the plot but i'm throwing new and better ideas round now- i cant wait to get writing and share it with you guys

i'm waiting for my wonderful beta to finish working her magic on chapter 5 and then that will be up

i do have a drama practical and driving theory test after my january exams** and coursework deadlines, but i will squidge writing into my schedule (man thats going to take alot of squidgifying!)


but thanks you so much guys xxxx happy new year!

**(16/04/09) didnt have my theory then- i had it moved, it's now on monday eeaaak)

my beta said she had some sort of server problemt hat meant she couldnt finish editing chapter 5- so she said she was starting it again... no idea how long it will take

So the opening of chapter five totally gave me a heart attack, and I was reading it in Poli Sci, so containing my heart palpitations was actually rather tricksty. But I did's it!

Pretty much this entire chapter equals love! Harry's here, we know that Chang is our Cho and the fact that she's not over Harry is just cute (though for a moment I thought he was the Headmaster, which made me confused, until I re-read that bit). The whole not-eating bit is soo reminiscent of Harry, as is the fighting. And I knows you are going to explain that bit in the next chapter, so I shan't mention how the fighting kinda threw me off.

The presence of Harry is just wow! He's reflecting on the past (the end make me squee!), while confronting the future. I'd edit his dialogue if I were you, cause in my head parts of that just didn't sound like Harry. So, not to be uber editer person, but here's kinda how I changed his dialogue in my head.

The first bit was rather good actually, and I have no edits on the syntax, though he sounds like he grew up slighty too much. What I do next might confuse peeps, but wait a sec.

Here, this is my edit of his next speachy bits.

“I don't know what the hell either of you think you are doing, but it's done!” he spoke in a dangerously low tone, keeping himself from exploding. “I don't want to deal with this right now. James--headmaster’s office. Albus-dormitory. Now!"

By having him here speak in a more informal tone, we can def see that he's the same Harry we know and love. He's ****ed; when people are mad they generally revert to simple, basic language. It's not correct grammar or proper anything; it's pure emotion, and since we know quite a bit about his emotional state, its expected to see that side of him. That's just how it played out in my mind.

The only other things I would really edit would be some mere grammatical stuff, making it easier to read (there's some commas that are missing and feel unloved) as well as, with next chapter, continue this whole looking into the past bit (that's soo cool), and the presence of Harry and Snape in Albus's life.

Ooooh!!! Where's Mr Mr Weasley? I miss him already..... He should come back too!

~Aeryn~

Can you find a word that rhymes with 'transubstantiation'?

oh no!!!! me and my beta had this problem before, where all the punctuation marks dissappear when we post the text. she uses a different word program to me so we think the problem is there... I suppose I best get editing and keep an eye out for that again.
Any how it's great to know your still with me Aeryn! Once again your feedback has been so helpfull- Iknew exactly what you were on about with Harry's speech- and you might whave squee'd at the end of the chapter but I squee'd at the end of the second paragraph of your feedback because it gave me the most obvious plot link that I have spent ages looking for- it was dancing right on the very end of my broomstick- right under my nose as muggles would say.
I'm sure Mr MR Weasley- new name now lol- will pop up at some time and... well clearly there will be some drama with Cho!

Hold on tight to your broomsticks and Thestrals becuase this fanfic has a plot that's going to takeoff pretty soon- like next chapter reveals the point of the plot XD
I think I'm more exciting than anyone!
I cant wait untillI have the time to sit and write one whole chapter at a time again!

And jeesh Political science- >_< I feel inferior- I'm struggling to get onto a paramdeical science foundation degree!!!

Chapter 5 is finally up!!!
I have ideas but unfortunately due to an unforseible bereavement (SP?) and college work and uni interviews I haven't yet had the chance to get them down on paper
I will write as soon as I can and when ever I can because it can be such a release
I really am sorry about the delay and that nothing else is written- I am just not motivated at the moment

I look forward to feed back
and oh will you look at that- it's been left on a cliff hanger- start throwing around theories !!!

xoxoxo

I can't believe this story has been up since last year and I just noticed it in your signature. I really like it. I especially like the interaction between Scorpious and Rose and Harry. It's strange that Scorpious so unlike his father, but I like it that way. I can't wait to find out why. The part about Malfoy giving Albus a chocolate frog and then offering him toast was adorable. I keep wondering why Albus is so glum and I had a question too: Did James have to go through those same stares from people as Albus is currently enduring and also the "wrath" of Cho Chang? I was just curious. Maybe you'll explain it in future chapters and I'm just being too curious for my own good!

Oh, and poor Hagrid! He seemed so healthy. By the way, I read in your earlier postings that you lost a friend recently and I'm sorry for your loss. I suppose this isn't the best forum to express my sympathies, but I am sorry. It's a hard thing to go through.

I'm looking forward to reading more from you!
Lisa

p.s. I loved the part with Snape being snide from his portrait on the wall. Of course I love anything with my darling Severus in it!

Thank you for your sympathies lisasnape- it’s never easy. But I have found that somehow having a group of close friends that never knew him has helped a lot when I have felt like I need to talk about him, I suppose because its not so raw for them they find it easier to listen than the friends who knew him. Also it’s great to know that people here on VTM are so ready to help.


Anyway, with lesser dreary news- I have gotten the idea that I mentioned in my last post down on paper! It was just a very quickly drafted conversation, just so I could look at it and remember the main points. But looking at it last night I found that it’s the foundations for my next chapter- hooray, I don't have to bridge the gap now!

Also I was listening to my iPod last night, and Linkin Park ‘Numb’ was playing, and I was just thinking about how much I loved the song and BAM- There’s a new conversation for the fanfic right there!!! With no pen or paper to hand (this is at about midnight) I texted the conversation on my phone and saved it.
Less than ten minutes later I was texting again drafting yet another idea- the very first idea I had that made me want to write a fanfic- only more fleshed out this time, with reason and purpose behind it.

So pretty exciting stuff (for me anyway) as I have suffered the complete absence of creative juice recently- I think I put it all into my drama practical exam- eeep find out results for that next week.

So basically that’s a rough draft of section of chapter 6
And two concepts for later on I the fanfic- I think I will draft these and then fill gaps between, bulking it up with sub plots and stuff that have cropped up in chap 5 and so
I will finished chap 6 before this and get it up asap
After that I don't know when more stuff will be done as I have A levels in about a month-aaarrghh I hate it when exams creep up on you like that- makes you feel bad, especially when you know you should be revising for them right now instead of this.

So sorry for the delay and I really do hope that I can make it up to you. xxx

Why is it that I get the ideas whne I have no time to write?
Tch.... typical.
Was texting ideas on my phone at midnight again... I know I have lost at least one idea though because my phone ran out of battery so I didn't get it saved

At least when I have the time I know I have lots of stuff to work with!
The original idea is now even better than the better one and let's just say- this fanfic is going to quite dark...

If you're anything as excited as I am (I can't wait to have the time to write) than you can't wait to get reading!

Thanks guys xxx

I vanished again, but this time it was for the sake of manga! Zomg! So much manga, so little time..... And the internet is too slow, my pages don't load fast enough... Tears! It's a tragic tale I-- Anyways, yes, I has returned, now that I remembered I actually do things on the internet besides read manga and download random music.

So, these are my comments as I read Chapitre's Five and Six cause I like lump sums! Or, something like that... Dunno... Huh. Moving on!

Zomg! The whole sweet package thing was a nice begining, I'm very fond of it, cause it's a parallel (and those are like the best things to get in the mail ever!) and then to follow it with the whole "you do not want me as your enemy" line was squee worthy! Yay for not being in class so I can squee properly!

Hm..... Albus needs to be more..... angry. It's kinda like with the fifth movie, that Harry wasn't angry enough. Most people aren't too calm when chucking china at people's heads. Also, suddenly calling Malfoy as Scorpius threw me a bit, mostly cause that's the name of the evil guy in Farscape, but he's been Malfoy for quite awhile here (in chapter five), kinda makes you go, woah! And Cho really has it in for Harry's offspring (that's a silly word, isn't it?) which makes me sad, cause it's like Snape and Harry, but not. Huh.... Good job there! That made me thinks!

Woah, that Pectus dude spoke like I expected a Snape to speak! That was neat! And yes, I am commenting while reading, if you can't tell. And why is Harry loosing his temper so cute? That's a personal question, cause really, imagining it, it's just, too.... Harry. Ok, the ewwww! She's our teacher line, yeah, giggles.

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Why are dead people talking to Harry????? Ah, that's so freaky, and cool, and.... woah. Oh, it's a painting. Oh, I thought dead people were talking to him. Never mind. Though, that'd be cool nonetheless.

Oh, just a note, when you're talking about Rose and her feelings, make sure that, since you're writting in Albus's point of view, that he's the one who knows this, not the reader. Just so we can keep the POV in one character for the time being, kk?!

Ok, a James vs. Malfoy battle, that's a win for sure! I approve! Good, good, good with the angry Harry. Though isn't it weird that there's an adult wandering Hogwarts for this much time? Anyways, just thought that's a strange event. And ZOMG! Love the ending to chapter Five, love it!

Just some notes of that chapter: good development, I like how we go from Albus and Malfoy being so very opposite and awkward, to a fight scene, to a memory scene, to Cho! A few things that really need attention; the past is sad for our Harry, really try to emphasize that tragedy, that sorrow, that there's something about Hogwarts that just keeps pulling him back (that's how it makes me feel). Also, you switched points of view pretty quickly there; do something, break it up so that feels natural. Ah, Harry having children is so awkward (personally), and for him too, I think.

Chapter Six! Wow, this is a rather long post, isn't it. Sowwy! Actually, it's a long chapter. I'll come back to it laters, but I shall come back, I promises!

So far, I like it! Though where are you going? I don't really see any direction yet and it kinda feels like we're just floating, waiting for this big event. At least give us a sign that there's gonna be action.... *Hopeless fan girl tears*.


~Aeryn~

Nice and fab to hear from you again- I haven't written in such a long time that I am going to have to rereread 5 and 6 to see what you are on about.
I'm giving my self a big kick in the butt to get the events happening and such.

Very tight for time at the moment- working and trying to cram seeing all my friends before they abandon poor little me for uni
I'm sorting out my university application for next September- deadline is January- time flies!
Also there's clubbing and parties to consider but let's not focus on that point lol

I want to re-read everything next week- ****, work monday and out tuesdaY! ok 3 days for re editing and rereading and a new chapter
Yeah I can do this
*gulps*

See ya (well hear from you via cyberspace) soon x

by the way your post made me laugh so much

Yes, indeed, posting while sleep deprived is always beneficial. Well, I'm once again bored and remembering that I can be productive while on line! Kinda, sorta, not really. Anyways, here goes chapter six!

Ah! I like this trying to get help from other person attitude, since we've seen it before quite a bit; just a note, this line here "He was yet again unsuccessful- James merely ignored Albus and Rose glared at them both: whether this was because she disapproved of the fight with Malfoy or because they were disturbing her from her work, Albus couldn’t work out" tis a bit tricksty to figure out who thou are't talking aboot. I'd place a comma here " ignored Albus, and Rose" or change that "and" into a "while" to prevent confuzzling like mine. Oh, and Rose's next line, I'd preface that or say afterwards that this is what she said each time, like "she sniffed again" or somethin somethin.

Oooh fire... Purty..... I'd put some space between these actions, cause we have Rose talking, then James's fire magic, then James's angryness, it's rather sudden. Put some of Albus's thoughts in there, or describe the actions more so that it's not a BAM, BAM, BAM feeling.

Ok, Rose crying kinda made me go, "aww......", though why does she say "We want to hear"? is she dragging Albus into that! Though her angry is like fantastic. Kinda like Hermione when she punched Malfoy; aw... that might have been one of my favorite moments of all time.

Aggg! Someone murdered my Hagrid!? Oh nose! Ok, I just aboot cried there, but not really, but I teared up, then remembered it's not JK canon, but still.... Sadness...Tee hee, mad Goose.

I am rather fond of this part, the whole Rose attacking Malfoy and him confessing. Yeah, I like this here. Good job! Woah, why's he calling Weasley, Ron? Huh, that's interesting. Woah! Her and Malfoy were doing what with that map? Sorry, brain went strange places; finding a deserted corridor, heh?

Whew... They're lucky she didn't catch them. I'd make this part a tad more dramatic, cause they are being chased, it's kinda scawwy that Cho is after them; they're probably freaking, and since we're in Albus's POV, lets speed that up.

Woah, who cursed malfoy? I'd give a sentence before the line about him being dangled, like they heard a sound, or something, so it leads up to that. Huh, that was a creative way of getting down. Never would have thought of that.

MR Weasley! Yays! Ooh, that was fun. And yes, my head pictured them as teenagers. I just have to. Though since this is Albus's POV, it's strange that they're all going by their first names. Just a thought. Makes readers have funky flashbacks to the books.... sobs...

Ooh, it's kinda like a trio (is Ginny part of the quartet, or are they still a trio) fight, but not, but.... Ahh, the good old days.

Anyways, yes, nice going with this chapter! We have mystery, we have murder, we have... Weasleys galore!!!!!!!!!! And yes, I did a little gig when the trio plus Ginny suddenly popped up. But, in short, yes nice working with that one. It just needs some editing, as there are a few misspelled words and all that jazz, and the tone is still very calm. Work on making it exciting, scary, really trying to evoke those emotions in descriptions and etc. Nice!

~Aeryn~