This thread is for discussions about Long Distance Friendships. I'm sure if you've been around VTM long enough, you've met people that you consider your friend, or maybe even more than that. I know I've met a lot of people here from all four corners of the globe and I consider them some of my best friends. So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?

Also, I know that there are people who don't approve of people giving away personal information over the Internet because it's so untrustworthy these days. So this could raise some issues when talking with people you don't know. What is your opinion on long distance friendships? Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?

--x Lauren

What a great idea for a thread. I'm surprised no one else had thought of this earlier.

Onto these lovely questions...

So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?

Why yes I do. I have a couple friends in Asia, a few in Australia, one in Africa, a few in Europe and one in Mexico.

On VTM I have this really weird friend who lives in Canada. She's a little eccentric and doesn't really speak english that well but I forgive her. her name is Lauren. Oh wait, that's you, haha. Just kidding, you're not eccentric nor a poor english speaker. I've also made a friend or two in Mexico here and a bunch throughout the US. And of course, some from Europe.


What is your opinion on long distance friendships? Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?

I definitely think that they can exist. Why shouldn't they? As long as communication is kept up so that you keep up with each other's lives, then I see no problem in long distance friendships. I have a pen-pal from Africa who was an exchange student at my high school. And we're still friends and that's a good many miles between us.


Love the topic Lauren


-Nick
HJP

Hi again Nick!



You had me worried for a minute there what with the 'poor english' and all that.



That's awesome!

Now for my own answers to my questions, to get the ball rolling so to speak.

So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?

I have many friends from different places. Others in Canada, some in the US, and a couple in Mexico, Europe, India, and Australia. Many of them I met right here on VTM, or through other friends I've met here.

What is your opinion on long distance friendships? Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?

I do believe in long distance friendships because I have proof that they work and are just as real as any other friendship. To me, it doesn't really matter if I've met them in real life or not, you can learn enough of a person just by talking to them.

And I have to say that if it weren't for these friends whom I've never met personally, I probably wouldn't be here today. I believe that you can find your best friends through the Internet, but only if you're looking in the right spots.

A couple more questions, while I think of them...

We all know the dangers of chat rooms, people can pretend to be anyone they want. So are these friends the same as any other long distance friends?

Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?

--x Lauren

I'm so absorbed into this fanfic I'm reading so I'm going to quickly post and elaborate later...


We all know the dangers of chat rooms, people can pretend to be anyone they want. So are these friends the same as any other long distance friends?


I think that after a little bit and when you get to know the person yes. However, until you meet them there's always that little difference. Besides that, a friend on the internet can be the same because that's how long distance friends communicate a lot of times; even if they have met.


Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?

I never have had the pleasure of meeting one of my friends that I have met on the internet but I would definitely be up to it.


-Nick
HJP

P.S.- Back to Stef's fanfic

I have to second Nick, what a great idea for a topic, Lauren!

Like everyone else, who's been around for some time, I've made some friends through VTM. Some of them are, what I would call in a real, that is not electronic, life, mere acquaintances, whereas with some others I have developed a strong relationship. I believe we all know that pleasant feeling when there's an Owl from this or that dear friend knocking on our windowpanes, don't we?

What is your opinion on long distance friendships? Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?
Of course, they can be real. Is it not real when we are sitting in front of our screens, reading our friends' posts, fictions, PM's? What else than reality is it? It's not real in the physical sense, our friends are reduced to information made up of one's and zero's. We cannot touch or hug them as much as we would like to, but their impact on our lives is very real.


This is the very basic prerequisite of a "real" friendship too, isn't it? Once people stop communicating, they start to lose touch with one another gradually and the friendship is slowly but steadily fading away. Be that in a physical or electronic life.

Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?
My answer is yes. Though it was some nine years ago, at the time when the Internet was not that widespread, and I'd met that person via pen-pal service. He was from Syria. We became very good friends and after some time he invited me over to his country. Coming from central Europe, it was a fantastic experience for me, getting to him in person, getting to know his family which I had known only from his letters up till then, and also getting to know his country.

Unfortunately, we have lost touch recently as he travels widely, but with the Internet, he is never too far away.

And now, if you excuse me, I'm off, looking out for Owls possibly flying in my direction from Mexico, Australia or Costa Rica (those in question know who I'm talking about).

So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?
I don't have many friends that I've met over the internet. Most of my long-distance relationships that I have are with people who I've met and used to live with. I've met a good few people on this site though from all over the place. And they are nice people who I consider to be friends but I don't have best friends. I guess that's mostly because I don't visit the site often enough to keep up contact.

What is your opinion on long distance friendships? Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?
Long-distance friendships can definately be for real. Whether you once knew the person or you just met them on some site, it is possible to keep their friendship as long as you remain in contact. And especially when you have lots of things in common, it makes it harder to lose that friendship and the bond a lot more real.

Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?
I have never met somebody in real life after just meeting them on the interent. I would definately be up to it though as long as the meeting wouldn't be an inconvenience to me.

-Free-

Haha Lauren you rock, this thread is a great idea.

So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?

Haha I do, I have a few from the US, one from Mexico, a Canadian, some fellow UKers, Aussie.

Ha, And I have to say that they are all some of the best people I have ever met. No exaggeration.

What is your opinion on long distance friendships? Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?

I never used to think so, because I thought I had to be weary of people online. But everyone I've met from here has been amazing and I do have long distance friendships. I think they're just the same as any other friendship, apart from the fact that you don't see them and you live in completely different places.
Everyone I've met on here I've had so much in common with and get on with them really well so it doesn't matter that we don't see each other because we still get to talk to each other a lot.

To be honest I value these friends above some of my friends in real life and I've got to know them really well that the distance doesn't matter. I guess its the fact that we're all completely bonkers that helps really haha, just kidding.

Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?

I have to say I definitely would go see all my long distance friends one day if the opportunity arose. In fact, I'm going to make a point of making sure I do before I die haha.

Kelly
x

Awesome idea for a topic, Lauren! As everyone else who has posted her has already said.

So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?

Yes, I have some friends in different countries. Most of them I've met right here on VTM. Some live in Canada, Ireland, England, Argentina and a few others. I do have a friend I didn't meet here who lives in Guatemala. I have a cousin who lives in Germany. Does that count?


What is your opinion on long distance friendships? Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?

Before I came here I really didn't think so. To me it was, make friends with someone you probably won't ever see? I didn't think it was realistic so to speak. I was wrong. I have met so many really nice people on this site! I've met a bunch of people who have a lot in common with me and we have some really great conversations. And I won't deny it, it's exciting to say that 'I have a friend who lives in Ireland or Argentina' or where ever. I'm sure a lot of friendships don't last because of the distance, but it's fun while they last.


Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?

I would love to meet some of my friends from VTM. Some of them I know it probably isn't possible as one lives in Ireland and another in Argentina, but it's a nice thought. I think it would be so much fun! I hope I get that opportunity someday.

Again, great idea Lauren!

Yay! This is a great topic kiddo! *Pinches cheeks* you make your fake mommy so proud!

So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?
I sure do! Even a daughter hahaha. I have friends that I grew up with that I keep in touch with via internet, I have friends that lived here for two years that I keep in touch with via internet and I have amazing friends that I met here right on this very site.

I've come to grow in my knowledge or the US (well more like different states seeing as I did live there ), Aussie, Africa, Canada, Costa Rica, UK, Greece, India, Czech Republic and those are just the ones I talk to regularly hahaha

What is your opinion on long distance friendships? Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?
I honestly think that friendships online can be pretty strong. I have met great people on this site that have helped me with some sad moments, who brighten my day with a cheerful hello, who I can be immature with and not get judged harshly. I've met people who I can discuss classical music with (which is rare here in my country), who I have a lot in common with. These friendships are real and well most people don't understand them until you experience one.



Nicely stated Jana dear, the posts the PM's the IM's are real. Someone has to be writing them seeing as we well can't be imagining them now can we?

We all know the dangers of chat rooms, people can pretend to be anyone they want. So are these friends the same as any other long distance friends?
Yes they can turn out to be strange girls from "Greenland" or something right?

See I can assure you that I trust only people who I know aren't some freaky internet stalker! I have seen pictures and heard the voices of most if not all of my online friends. I know pictures can be fake but voices not normally unless they are professionals. Plus you can tell who's who even though people disagree.

The internet holds a lot of creepy stuff but it also holds good stuff and good people that really out weigh the bad.

Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?
I have plans to visit most, well more like my closest friends .

Ok I have a question, what do you think of long distance friendships that turn into relationships?

-Stef

PS: Must write to Jana soon

PS2: I told you no more blushing Nick! Gosh! I'll make a hurricane attack you!

Great topic Lauren! Seriously! It's awesome!

Do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?
I cannot say many, but I can say that they are the best! I have a friend from the Czech Republic, one from Mexico, one from Canada, one from Denmark, a few from the US (including Hawaii), one from England, and one from Greece (but I haven't spoken to her in a while... ). Most of them I've met right here on VTM, but I used to have a couple of friends from the US that I talked to every now and then, and I simply stopped talking to them for whatever reason.

I have a couple of friends that I met at school that are from 4 different countries: Aruba, Venezuela, Honduras, and the US and I keep in touch with all except with my friends from the US and Honduras. I honestly have no idea what happened to the last one...

What is your opinion on long distance friendships? Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?
Oh, those are REAL friendships! I've spoken to all my VTM friends on the MSN Messenger, and also Owls, I talk to one every single night, and to some others at least once a week, but I see them there or here. To another, Owls are our best way of communication, but I think our friendships have grown so much, that we've even spoken about personal issues, and I've found myself on the place of seeking advice from them.

Thanks to VTM, I've come to e-meet some great people, with great beautiful feelings and true passion for life. I've come to develop a tighter bond than with some of my physical friends, because I feel that my e-friends don't judge me as physical people would or even do. I've laughed on my screen and worried, and also awed and cried. These people are real, they have emotions, loves, joys, tears, and they show it through their emotional writings, and the fact that they are willing to share their stories with me, just as I share mine with them.

Sometimes, I feel like I enjoy more their company than the one of my physical friends, and that is also because they don't care how I look, they care for how I feel, and for me, that is more important.

So yes, they ARE REAL, real people, with true feelings, and they are MY friends!

Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?
Oh yes! If I could, I'd bring all my e-friends to my country and show them around, and of course, if I could, I'd go over to theirs and have a blast too. Actually, I was going to have one over, but seems like it won't happen in the near future because of school, but maybe things can be different next year.

It's interesting, there is this e-friend who has actually been to my country, and I've been to his State in the US in the near past, but we didn't know each other on either ocassion... And to think how close we've been to one another! Hahaha!

i dont really chat to anyone in particular on here
but my beta hermionegal16 is the person i talk tot he most
but mainly about my fanfic as she lives in america and i live in UK so iam generally sleeping when she is on here lol
i think its good because you can assume that you will have at least one same interest as others on here- HP lol

First of all; thank you all for your approval of the topic.

I have to be thankful for the internet because without it, I wouldn't have met many of the wonderful people I consider my friends. Anita made a good point;



This is how I feel. Yes, my physical friends are amazing and I love them dearly, but its the "zero's and one's" (as Jana put it) that I really connect to. I become close to these people because we are similar and have the same interests. There's no judgement, its just real conversation and you can quickly become close to these people.

Again as some of you have said, you can tell these people anything. I've had very serious discussions with the friends I've made through VTM, about all sorts of topics. And sometimes, unlike some of my physical friends, they can help you get over or deal with your issue because they are able to relate. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that you have people that you can trust with your secrets and they won't spill the beans to anyone else.

I would definitely love to meet my 'e-friends'. I plan on doing so one day. Especially my "mother" to whom I tell absolutely everything and relate to the most. But as Kelly said, meeting all those people is on my to-do list before I die.

The long distance friends are definitely REAL.

--x Lauren

Yes I completely get the whole don't care what you look like etc
But then as much as it would be great to meet people from here doesn’t that defeat the whole e-friends idea
They then know what you look like etc and not that I think that there are many people on here that are that shallow that they would judge but it would change the whole perspective of the ‘friendship’

So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?

I have some friends from Australia but for other countries that is pretty much it. The closest friend that lives kinda far away is one of my best friends who moved away this year and he lives like 8 hours away now.

Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?

I think long-distance friendships can last but not like romantic relationships, I don't believe that is possible.

We all know the dangers of chat rooms, people can pretend to be anyone they want. So are these friends the same as any other long distance friends?

I love chat rooms but no I don't think I will ever feel like they are just another long distance friends.


Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?

I don't know, I wouldn't be willing to go across the world or country to see someone I have never seen before. If one day I just happened across an internet friend and we somehow figured out that we were chat room buddies or something like that it would be cool but yeah not very likely.

I don't have a problem with that but for me, it would be kind of hard to keep a romantic relationship over the net going. I have a lot of guy friends and then also people who I like and hang out with. It would be hard to be faithful. Unless of course I knew that person in a physical sense before or meetings can be arranged so that we can see each other every once in a while. It's just that most of time, it is very unlikely that I will ever meet the person in real life.


I understand what you mean. Meeting people in real life is very different than just chatting over the internet. I've had times where I would meet a roomate over the internet and then when we met in person, it just wasn't the same. The meeting is all awkward and your nervous seeing them for the first time. Over the internet, you feel like you guys have been best friends, but in person, all you just become are friends and although you try to make the friendship more, it doesn't always work that way.

Sorry Stef I missed your question when I was reading!

What do you think of long distance friendships that turn into relationships?

I feel the same way as Free. I have no problem with other people having that long distance relationship work, in fact I think it's wonderful. But for me, I just couldn't see it working. It just wouldn't feel real. And how would know if your partner wasn't cheating? You could believe that they're a nice person that would never do that to you but how would you know? I just couldn't see myself going through that, but I love it when things do go right for other people.



Rach I can understand your perspective. Image is a very powerful thing in our society and in a sad way it almost defines who we are friends with. This may not be the case for everyone, but I've noticed that where I live, the people who have a similar 'look' are friends. You could call it cliques. I'm not sure if this is coincidence or not, but it can be very intimidating.

I would like to think that my long distance friends wouldn't care so much what I look like. Yes, they may have their own opinions but because they already know my personality, perhaps after the inital awkwardness of everything we'd be able to just be the way we are when we aren't together. It might be wishful thinking, but hopefully it would work.

--x Lauren

What do you think of long distance friendships that turn into relationships?

I personally couldn't do it. Because, without sounding.. pervy, I'm more of a physical person. So if I couldn't atleast hold their hand or hug them, let alone kiss or anything else, I wouldn't be able to keep the relationship going unless, like UnknownLocket said, I had the chance to see them every so often.

However, I have nothing against other peoples e-lationships. Some of my good e-buddies actually do go out, and they make it work really well, they're so cute (haha I'm gonna get smacked for that later lol) so obviosly it can work with some people.

I guess it depends what you're like as a person if you can make it work or not



I personally don't care what people look like, and I know what my e-friends look like because of pictures. So you don't have to meet people to know what they look like, you can do that through pictures.
I think if anyone was shallow enough to take a look at you and decide not to be your friend then you probably don't want to be friends with them anyway I wouldn't at least lol.

Kelly
x

Hey Lauren, sorry I haven't stopped in here for a while but I'm back for a quick second to answer Stef's question.

What do you think of long distance friendships that turn into relationships?

Well I think that if the two meet and feel an attraction towards each other, then go for it. It's the same as meeting anyone else and starting a relationship with them, except for that you've known them from a distance. Ever seen You've Got Mail starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan? Well...even though it's not a long distance based relationship, neither of them see their mystery correspondent but they fall for each other and meet. And then...well I'll let you find out. But my point is that it can be plausible and happens in the real world.


-Nick
HJP

Nick I see what you mean

And I love the You've Got Mail example - that is such a great film.
To be honest, I think if I did find someone who I had such a connection with then my view on online relationships, for me, would be different.
Like maybe if I started talking to someone online who I found I had a real connection with and I didn't need to have the physical side of it then my views might change and I might find the physical side of the relationship wouldn't matter so much to me.
But they'd have to be a very special person for me to feel that way

But I can see where you're coming from.

Okies, I now have a new question for everyone.

Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them?

That doesn't quite make sense, but I hope you all know what I mean

Kelly
x

Oh I know Kelly, it's a great flick.

Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them?

In all honesty no. It's not a matter of face-to-face or over the internet. It's really, how much I know and trust that person. And if I trust that person but never met them face-t-face, oh well. It might take more to trust someone without seeing, it may not. But once you trust that person, I see no difference in what I trust them to hear. Now, it may be easier to say some things to people face-to-face but that's not exactly a trust issue. It's more of a...oh I don't know...a something issue, haha (great vocabulary nick)

-Nick
HJP

So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?
I do have friends from elsewhere in the world. Most of them I know though...well actually, the majority of them I know personally also.

What is your opinion on long distance friendships? Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?
Long distance friendships are definitely possible. They can be for real. I'm actually not a big fan of meeting people online though..but I have met an awesome friend online who has become one of my best friends and we've been best friends since I was in 7th grade..and now I'm going into college. So yes, I do believe it is possible. And I know it's hypocritical that I don't really care for online friendships yet I have one. And it's not that I don't LIKE it...the whole online thing...but I think people need to be really careful.
Back to the actual question. Long distance friendships CAN be for real...but I've had both. I've lost contact in a way with people I used to be really good friends with...whereas others I've become closer to them now that they aren't near me all the time haha. So I guess it really depends on how each person matures or grows up since knowing the other person and realize that things do change.

Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them?
Sometimes I suppose it is easier. But not really always. In general, I don't really like to go too deep about myself. But I have my moments. There are just some things that can't be told online though.

Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?
I would definitely consider it. And I have before...met a friend in person. And let me tell you, we were really close online..but then meeting him in person was...a little awkward. It wasn't that I knew him from online...he used to be friends with one of my friends and his girlfriend was friends with my best friends...this whole long story. But it was a little awkward.

Ooh Lauren I do like this topic

So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?
haha yes I certainly do, loads from the US, a few from the uk, another fellow aussie wherever she is, a couple mexicans, a canadian and more.

What is your opinion on long distance friendships? Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?
I certainly think it's possible, the friends I've met online feel more real to me than some of the friends I see everyday. And I miss them when we don't talk for a while, (miss you guys right now...its been too long!!)

Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them?
Ah, interesting question.
Well I personally, find it easier to talk to my online friends about things I don't feel comfortable talking to the friends I see everyday. To make it easier, I'm going to classify my friends as "online" and "everyday", even though I talk to my online friends everyday but yea just to make it a bit easier to explain.
I talk to my everyday friends about a lot of things most people would consider private, and I feel completely comfortable talking to them about it. But there are some things, well I'm not sure I'm probably overreacting, I find incredibly hard to talk about. And I mean, theres like two people in the whole world I could talk to about, and one of these people is a friend I met online. Unfortunately for her, I tend to just dump everything on her, but she's one of the best friends any one could ever have and she always makes me feel better about it and gives the best advice. I do talk to my "everyday" friends about it, but I feel much more comfortable talking to my online friends.

Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?
I haven't met a friend in person that I've met online, but one of my "everyday" friends has met an online friend of ours. It was a great experience for her, she still talks about how much fun she had. I have considered meeting long distance friends one day, I'm looking forward to the day I do get to meet all my online friends

Ok, so I hope I made some sense. I must say, I am exhausted at this moment so if it doesn't, that's my excuse

Katie.

Interesting answers I'm going to answer my own question now.

Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them?

Its interesting, Nick that you find it easier to talk to people face to face. It makes me personally feel very awkward talking face to face because all your emotions are on show and you're very vulnerable.
Lizzarxo, I'm the same as you - I don't much like to talk about personal things, but somehow I find it easier to talk to some of my online friends than most of my everyday friends (to use Me_Hermy:1 of the Same's phrase ) I don't know why this is really, I think its the fact there is more privacy, you can tell them whats up and whats wrong, but they don't have to see it in your face. I feel less vulnerable by talking about things to online friends because they can't see how I'm reacting or if I'm crying or something.
Also I know that with some of the things I tell my online friends, my every day friends would judge me about it because they don't accept that kind of thing, they'd wig out and go crazy, maybe even distance themselves from me. But I know I wont get that with most of the people from here who I talk to.

Kelly
x

I'm going to join in the praise of this topic It's a really good one!
Now, my answers will be a little long since I've been speculating about this for the last few days. (well, it's not a simple question! ) Oh, and I've used regular quotes so that my post doesn't extend into infinity. (well, it still does, but not that much...)
Ok, I've tried prewiew, but I'll split it in 2, or no human will ever read it...

What is your opinion on long distance friendships? Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?
I've thought about how the 2 kinds of situation and communication (that of the physical, "everyday" reality and the virtual one) work, and I've reached the conclusion that they really differ.

The most important feature the long-distance friendship or acquaintance brings is the ILLUSION OF ACTUAL CLOSENESS of the people. (I don't mean they can't be close friends, what I'm saying is the situation looks closer from the beginning than it actually is) - I don't know if you understand me, I often stumble in my phrasing, so please excuse me for that. Anyway, it's what UNknownLocket said, "Over the internet, you feel like you guys have been best friends, but in person, all you just become are friends"
I think this illusion is generated by
• The lack of the image that you associate with a person. (The lack of a moving, living image of him/her, not only a photo you can't really link with the person in your mind.) Which, I agree with you all, in itself is very good, because "they don't care how I look, they care for how I feel, and for me, that is more important." as Pawprint said.
Appearance in itself is not important, but, if you regard it with your soul, it can give away many personality traits (at least this is what I have perceived)
• The simplifying and shortening of things - you write or talk concisely of yourself or anything else. This is good, because it makes you clarify things in your mind for ex. about yourself, it makes your feelings and thoughts conscientious, and also, it's easier to be honest about things.
However, with everything being concise, you have limited possibilities to explain things (which I am constantly suffering from, as you can see by the lengths of my posts ). The information you communicate is reduced, and it's easier to misunderstand short infos.
I see this somehow like the motto for the world of today, in which everything is considerably sped up: "Get to the point quickly, or I may not listen to you".
• The communication is not entirely natural, it's not one that rolls on by itself spontaneously. If it's writing, well, writing is an indirect way of communication, not spontaneous, because you choose what you show of yourself. No matter how freely you write, you're always conscious of what you're showing - and the whole communication is void of those natural, sometimes involuntary signs that make situations clearer in verbal communication (the accentuation, tone and the nonverbal signs)
And even if you use a webcam and talk to the person, there's still that simplifying-things-nature to it, because there is no context of your meeting, it's not as if you just drop a few comments by the way, as you're spending time together; it's not that both of you experience, are in the very same situation (for ex. hiking or at work, or something) and see how the other reacts to it, as well as share your opinions of it.
The context of the communication is different: similar to that of the "art pour l'art" principle-> You decide to communicate to communicate. It's not in spontaneous, natural circumstances that you speak.

So these are the reasons I think long-distance relationships (especially if you've never met your friend in person) are not in the same reality as the "everyday" ones (as Katie put it). They are definitely real, but they're not in the same cathegory as "everyday" ones, because people can reproduce only part of their identities online. They're just different types of friendship. But they can still be friendships.
I'll continue later, then. (If you don't send me off, that is )

I think I shall join in the discussion of this topic.

What is your opinion on long distance friendships? Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?

I think that as long as it's a friend and nothing more then the relationship will work. You can do holiday visits and conversations on the internet and phone. So I think that most definatly long distance friendships can happen. Maybe with some problems but they can work!!! I'm sorry for my short answer but this was sort of a spur of the moment thing. I'm glad I did it though!!!

Interesting post, uzzzkata!

So you're saying that the illusion of actual closeness is created by three ways in which long distance communication differs from face to face, "everyday" communication. You also say that "the situation looks closer from the beginning than it actually is".

While I agree with that there's a difference between the two, I'm not sure I would place online friendships in a lesser or less real category than everyday ones.

The communication differences define the differences between everyday and online relationships, but communication is still the basis of the friendship, and that's why it can be called friendship. Communication isn't absent but different, and I would like to argue that one form of communication isn't necessarily 'better' than the other, because the impact of both kinds of friendships can be equal, if perhaps achieved in different ways.

Lack of image
This is true, but I think it can also hide personality traits. For example, if someone was naturally shy in social settings, it would take much longer to get to know that person's thoughts and feelings. The fact that's such things are shared more easily over the Internet doesn't make the actual thoughts and feelings any less true. The closeness created by sharing true thoughts and feelings is, I believe, not so much an illusion as simply a different kind of closeness.

Simplification
Again, I think you're right, but I think it's unreasonable to think that over a longer period of communicating online, one's entire mental image of the other person can be distorted by chance misunderstandings. My experience is that the kind of misunderstandings created by different semantic interpretations of messages are minor and soon recognised if the communication is genuine and constant. So while this is a drawback of communicating online, I don't think that it detracts from the friendship on the long run, especially since on the long run you'll have a chance to say many things that you may want to say.

Not Entirely Natural
I'm not sure I entirely agree on this point. "Natural communication" can be anything - a short exchange with the shop assistant, a conversation between a pupil and headmaster, a letter of application, making a doctor's appointment, the exchange during the doctor's appointment, phoning someone on their birthday etc. All these ways of communicating have two things in common: they all fit into social paradigms that dictate the nature of communication in different situations, and they all fit the requirements of any general communication model.

So, in a way, all communication is natural and bound to social paradigms, and so is every person's need to communicate.I would say that most communication happens because of our need to communicate as opposed to our need to simply get information across. If you run into someone you happen to know vaguely, you're likely to start a conversation and ask how they are, not because you need the information, but because you feel the need to communicate in a social situation. You choose to communicate.

I would even say that that very need to communicate is a large part of our need for friendship, too. Forming a friendship with anyone - face to face, too - is a choice, and implicitly also the choice to communicate.

Impact and effect
I can definitely say that the friends I've met over the Internet (as it happens, right here on VTM) have impacted my life every bit as much as my everyday friends have. (Obviously, taking into account the time I've known them etc.) If I had to draw up a list of the ways in which friendship generally contributes to quality of life and touches the soul, some of my online friendships meet all of it. The only thing missing is a genuine hug.

Therefore, if the method of communication is the only thing that makes online and everyday friendships different, and if both have their pros and cons, I'd like to say that true and heartfelt online friendships are not just based on an illusion of closeness and that they're every bit as real as everyday ones. I will concede, though, that the everyday aspect of a friendship - face to face communication and everything that goes with it - is perhaps such a basically human and cool thing, that actually meeting up with someone I've met on the Internet would really be awesome.

Wow this thread is very popular! I've missed so much so excuse me if I don't mention everyone's posts. First I'll answer the questions stated then there is a post I'd really love to comment about

What do you think of long distance friendships that turn into relationships?
As much as I'd love to say that I think I might be able to handle an online relationship I think I probably couldn't. Not because I need the closeness of a person physically because I'm not like that, but because I think I don't have the... level of commitment that is required! I love admiring the beauty of humans and I think that might lead me not to be faithful and that would kind of make me feel terrible. Plus I think I have trust issues that might make things hard.

I'm not saying I'd NEVER try an online relationship, I might if the person is right and if it is a scenario similar to "You've got mail" nice example Nick.

Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them?
I do feel more comfortable talking to my online friends than my "everyday" friends. The thing is that I'm a person who doesn't like to show emotions to the people around me because I've been taught that emotions make you weak so normally my everyday friends don't know very much about what I feel. There are exceptions like my best friend but I don't see him very often so he misses big chunks of my life due to the fact that his girl doesn't like me. Anyway, my online friends are there for me when things get to rough here. And it's weird even though there is an age difference between most of them I still feel I can tell them things without worrying about looking weak. There is a certain Aussie who has had to put up with a lot of my little booms and doesn't complain about it . So yeah I find it easier to talk to them because I don't have to be so guarded, I can just type the first thing that comes to mind like I'm doing right now .

On to the very interesting post.

I personally enjoyed the depth you've put into your post uzzzkata and it's quite an interesting point of view you have there. I must beg to differ on several of your points but I will really enjoy commenting on them since they are so well thought out.



I agree that appearance does give you some insite into how a person is, for example I can tell you that one of my friends wrinkles his nose when he laughs because he's a goof ball or that he bites his lower lip when he's nervous but I don't think that really is necessary to be friends. Even if I hadn't met him in person we'd still be friends because of his personality not because of his appearance sure it shows off the personality I know he has but he shows that off with his silly phrases.


I don't think that you suffer from limited ways to express yourself given the length of your post and the clarity of your statements. I partly do agree with you on this because when you speak sometimes you say things you were thinking but didn't want to say. But also I do tend to type things I didn't mean to say because it's a lot easier not to be guarded with my online friends. I'm almost 21 years old and people expect certain things from me and well it's a lot easier to be myself where there is nothing expected of me. I dunno if I make sense


You aren't always conscious of what you are showing given the fact that as humans we are emotional beings, we can't always control ourselves and I've found that when one of my friends is upset they type the first thing on their mind because they need a window too let it all out. Natural communication is in the eye of the beholder I believe. I've actually have heard the voice of most of my online friends. Almost all of them count with a microphone and we have a webpage where there is a "walkie-talkie" device. I've heard different accents and different tones. I agree with you that the tone is very important but words can express so many things. I can tell when one of my friends is upset by the way they word their statements. I dunno it sounds weird but it's true.

I think Laurette said it better than I did:



if you aren't in the mood to "communicate" you don't do it. Whether is be with your everyday friends or your online friends.


Well that is what smiley's are for . I agree with you on the hugs. Sometimes there are times when a friend has a problem that I wish I could hop on a plane and fly over there just to give them a hug. But one day I'll be able to do that.... when I'm rich, famous and own a plane .

I have a question: do you mix your "online" life with your "everyday" life? As in do you introduce your everyday friends to your friends online? Or are you more possessive about your friends to be willing to share?

-Stef

do you mix your "online" life with your "everyday" life? As in do you introduce your everyday friends to your friends online? Or are you more possessive about your friends to be willing to share?

Haha I would never share my online friends with my everyday friends. My online friends are mine. No one elses (except for their regular friends haha) But yeah, I like being able to have to two seperate groups. I even got annoyed once cause a friend of mine joined VTM.

I've always thought of my online friends (and VTM) as being my own little escape, to get away from 'the real world' because I can talk to these people about almost anything and because I feel so comfortable with them. And because I'm selfish and don't want to share them... ever haha

Kelly
x

Whoah, let me catch my breath!
First of all, thanks to you both for actually reading my endless post! It makes me muster up my courage and post the 2nd part... (well, maybe a bit later, don't worry)
And second, I feel loads better now since you both wrote equally endless comments! +Life is exciting!
First, I'll reply to Capricorn.

I didn't mean true heartfelt online friendships were based on it. You're right, the illusion isn't what determines the whole thing all along, it's important mostly in the begginning, when you suddenly get to know eachother and the next moment you feel like you're the closest of friends. Yes, they are real, that's what I said aswell. Just not as complete as the friendships of everyday life. I didn't mean they're worse or not true, but that they're different, not in the same cathegory. Maybe you shouldn't even compare the 2 because they're so different?? Maybe they kind of complete eachother. (Though, in my experience the very good everyday ones can give what the online ones can, whereas the online ones will always be, let's say, at least a hug short )

The example you wrote is amazing, because I can totally relate to it!No, of course it doesn't. It makes things easier, I and many other people I know are the living examples for that. But, just think about it. Can I say the person who doesn't really know how shy and stupid I can act, how I live my life everyday, knows me?
It may be, that in reality, it takes more of time for me to be able to tell people things about me I actually display here or to e-friends. But once, I will tell them my thoughts and feelings if they become good friends; while the e-friends will only know my thoughts and feelings, and not how I live them, they won't be there beside me.

I absolutely agree on that. I just think that details are important, and misunderstandings which are easily and quickly clarified talking face-to face can cause bigger, sometimes even very awkward gaps in written communication or if you don't know the person properly.
After a longer period of communicating online and adapting to the other's style of course, I suppose these are minimal if they occur.

- I admit it, I should have phrased my point more accurately. I guess I should have said spontaneous and related to+happening in a concrete situation instead of just saying natural.

And, when I wrote "decide to communicate to communicate", I meant that the first part of the phrase is curious. That someone isn't talking to the other while shopping or sitting in a pub or walking - I find it a little odd that communication with a person is like a programme in itself, and not continual.

I liked your post, it really awoke my brain cells, replying to it. And I've noticed some mistakes I've made aswell.

And now, to Stef
Thanks for the compliment .
Err, not exactly what I had in mind when I said appearence and seeing the person gives away many things about them... What I meant was like a person's glance or the look in their eyes, or their gestures can show things the way they could never write down. (if they're even conscious of it)
But this is not normalllllll! Have you seen anyone else write such long posts, besides the fanfic section? That's what I'm saying, that you have to post shorter here than me! This is more like a conversation with essays... Oh, and I'm glad you find my statements clear , as I'm always afraid my formulation is incomprehensible (I'm not english).
The writing process clears things down, I wasn't talking about being guarded or not. I meant more subtle things, like saying a truth that could be offensive in a way that it isn't, and not by phrasing. Now I really don't know how to explain, and it's getting really late here... Mmmm, there's even a joke I can't translate about a man saying a sentence in an intonation that changes its meaning to the exact opposite...

If you hear your friends regularly, then I guess you probably hear them talking (in your mind's... mmm, ear? lol) when reading what they've written. I agree that you understand them better knowing how they talk and phrase!

-no, but you still show things, whether you want it or not. A fair few times I wasn't in the mood to communicate with my best friend, and next time she called me up, guessed exactly what I wanted to say at the time.

Oh. My. God. I can't believe I've finished! Good night everyone.

So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?

Yes; and mostly thanks to VTM! I never even thought about having friends from somewhere else. Since I joined here, I have had the pleasure of meeting people from all corners of the world (almost). I have some fellow Canadians, a handful from the States, a few from Europe, and one from Argentina.

Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?

Again, VTM is another great example of this. But just friendships, because I don't think that long-distance romance is possible.

We all know the dangers of chat rooms, people can pretend to be anyone they want. So are these friends the same as any other long distance friends?

I don't think chat room friends are quite the same because it is easier to pretend in a chatroom than throught letters or e-mails.


Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?

I have considered meeting my long-distance friends before, but I never have.

Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them?

I find it way easier, and I have shared a few things with my long-distance friends that I haven't been able to talk with about my personal friends.

Do you mix your "online" life with your "everyday" life? As in do you introduce your everyday friends to your friends online? Or are you more possessive about your friends to be willing to share?

Not really. I have mostly been keeping my online friends separate from my "real" friends, but I have considered introducing one to the other.

And I just have to say, Great Topic Lauren! Good idea, and popular as well!

-Kel

Holy cow I've only been gone for a couple days and there's another whole page and more questions! Wow! This is a great topic Lauren!

Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them?

Hmm. As far as talking to my 'everyday friends' about things that's easy. Of my two friends, one of them I talk to about everything. (It's not that I don't trust my other friend, it's I don't get a chance to talk to her as much.) I feel very comfortable telling her everything, my joys, my sadness, my problems. Pretty much everything. But as far as it being easier to talk to 'friends at a long distance', it really depends on the person I'm talking to. It's really all about trust to me. I'm not just going to start telling an online friend everything just because I won't see them. I think of my VTM/e-buddies as friends too and tell them what I'm comfortable telling them. So I feel comfortable both ways. It really depends on how well I know the person I'm talking to.


Do you mix your "online" life with your "everyday" life? As in do you introduce your everyday friends to your friends online? Or are you more possessive about your friends to be willing to share?

Well, I don't have any friends that come on VTM or any friends that I've met online except for my VTM buddies who I met here. I do mention my VTM friends to my family sometimes. I'll mention that 'my friend on VTM said' or something along those lines. So really, I don't have anyone to share my VTM friends with anyway, so I guess the question doesn't really work for me.

Ok, the other questions. Don’t kill me… This is shorter.
I think it's nice to have people from other countries to talk to.
So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?
I don't really have people that I can call long distance friends, but I would like to. I have some acquaintances, I used to have long distance friends too, but it was a long time ago and I've lost contact with them.

Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them?
I think it's not good if you'd rather confide in people online than face-to face. People hide from eachother, and that's not good. It can be easier to talk online, but it's not good if you use it to avoid having these conversations in person with your best friends. It's true that you're more vulnerable then. But that's the point of trusting someone, isn't it? My opinion is that you have to learn to take people as they are, the whole, and accept the challenge (of difficulties that may arise in some situations), because that is what makes a true friendship noble. I think such a valuable thing is worth it.
Basically, I think it's good if you're able to confide in someone if you feel like it. Face-to face or online - it should depend on the person you're talking to, not on this. I agree with Nasuada.

Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?
I have met a very good friend of mine that way, well after the first few moments it turned out that she attended highschool in my hometown and we're in college in the same, other town aswell . But we've never met before, we might have seen eachother in the theatre, because we both looked familiar to the other. And even after we had written these out, we still haven't met for a few months (even though we were in the same city most of our time) so she really was like a long distance, e-friend. When we finally met, it was a bit odd just like you all described it, I couldn't get used to her voice very easily, because I've imagined it differently. She has an odd voice, haha. But after a year and a half now, she is one of my best friends, we've met a bit more often after that.
If I had the opportunity, I would meet long distance friends, but only if we've been e-friends for a pretty long time before that so that I could really get to know the person (at least a year or so).

Do you mix your "online" life with your "everyday" life? As in do you introduce your everyday friends to your friends online? Or are you more possessive about your friends to be willing to share?
Well, this one online-found friend of mine I've introduced to a few of my friends. It's nothing to be posessive about, they're all my friends.

The end. Next post will be shorter... Promise.

Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them?
Yes, I find it a lot easier to talk to my long distance friends about things that are more serious. I even am comfortable talking to friends such as those who have moved away and who I keep up contact with over the internet. There is just something comforting about talking to someone who doesn't know the people involved in the situation and who have an objective veiw. Your physical friends sometimes know a bit about the situation already and may have heard stories, but your long distance friends are hearing everything from you.

Also, it makes it less personal which is comforting for me as well because I don't like showing my emotions either. Your long distance friends are only seeing the words that you type where as your physical friends (if you tell them in person) see your facial expressions and the actions as you tell your situation.

I have a question: do you mix your "online" life with your "everyday" life? As in do you introduce your everyday friends to your friends online? Or are you more possessive about your friends to be willing to share?
I don't share my online friends with my everyday friends. They are completely separate worlds consisting of different people. Only I remain the same. It is not that I am possessive of my online friends or everday friends and are un willing to share, they just are both really different from eachother that I would be scared to mix them up. Also, my everyday friends stick to yahoo and facebook. I like to think that what I do online, stays online!

But now I would like to comment on two things that uzzzkata said that I agree with.

For me, this couldn't be anymore true. In my everday life, it would take a lot more longer for me to think of someone as my best friend where as online, the process is much faster. I guess it has to do with me being more open online. Some of the things that I write to people when I first meet them I would never say in person when first meeting them. Online, you can put your guard down more because that person who you are speaking to has no prejudices against you for they don't know you in that physical sense.


I agree with this too. People do make certain gestures that can be read but are sometimes never written down. Face to face, even when your not saying much, you can speak through your actions and I do that a lot.

Now it's my turn for a question.
When talking to long-distance friends, do you prefer the phone (excluduing all charges) or the internet?

I'll start this with the blanket statement that I am 100% certain that on-line friendships can occur and be just as real as in-the-flesh ones.

I think it's entirely possible to form meaningful relationships with people over the internet, and I think that it's based on how you approach the on-line world. Some people will forever and always see their internet friends as a little less real than those they can see every day. Others see them as just as real. It's based on who you are - and who those people are that you are communicating with. If you approach getting to know someone online without pretenses and duplicity; there's no real reason why the friendship cannot be something every bit as real as the friend you met in grade school.

I have only a handful of good friends. I would consider most of them to be best friends because I honestly don't have that many that I let inside my comfort zone. There are only a few that I let see the real me; the person who answers the "how are you doing today" question honestly - no matter the answer. Three of them are in the flesh and three of them are people I've met on the internet.

For me, a friend is a friend. I know I can count on them - online or outside my door. And I hope they know they can count on me, too.

I suppose you could look at the meaning of a friendship to you to determine whether you think the friendship is likely or possible. What do you want out of that person's friendship? Is it more of a surface thing or is it more? This is true both online and off. I mean, everyone has barriers that they will either put up or let down when getting to know someone. Is this person I'm getting to know trustworthy? Is this person safe? Will this person truly like me for who I am? The level of involvement is totally up to you; whether online or off. You still have to make the same decisions, really, in order for a friendship to progress.

I'll give my opinion and experience on some questions before I overly ramble. (Oops. Already did.)

Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them? I find it equally as easy, to be honest. Sometimes it's a little easier simply because writing out the words in an email gives me time to process what I'm saying. However, I don't hold back with any of my friends if I need to talk about something. I'm just as comfortable talking to Laurette as I am talking to my best friend from college. I don't know if it's a big philosophical leap; but I am fully aware that when I talk on the phone to my college friend - she's flesh and blood - but as I type to Laurette, she's as equally flesh and blood to me. Both of their friendships are extremely real to me because I have allowed them to be and we have fostered and grown in our relationships. I feel I can tell them anything.

I have a question: do you mix your "online" life with your "everyday" life? As in do you introduce your everyday friends to your friends online? Or are you more possessive about your friends to be willing to share? Absolutely! I know that my real life friends love and accept who I am (and share in my insanity a bit, too!), and they know that part of me includes my online life. Part of me includes my online friends. I talk about those I've developed friendships online as though they were visiting me everyday! I'm comfortable enough with who I am, and I'm secure enough in all of my friendships that I have absolutely no fear in telling them about each other. And introducing them!

When talking to long-distance friends, do you prefer the phone (excluduing all charges) or the internet? I hear Skype is good, but I prefer MSN. I would love to chat with them on the phone, though. It's hard for me to get over the "excluding all charges" quantifier there. If I didn't have to pay, I'd talk to them all the time on the phone. But I do have to pay, so I use the internet. It's also easier with the time differences to send PMs or emails when you're awake but your friend might not necessarily be. Remember the concept of penpals? Just because you're not speaking voice-to-voice doesn't mean that you can't know a person.

So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world? Yes. One of my fleshie friends just moved to overseas, too. I have many vacation opportunities now.

Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?Yep! I certainly have! I met my dear, dear friend Aethonon last September, and I'm waiting for airfare to go down a bit so I can go see her again! I think there might have been about a minute of awkwardness on both of our ends as we wondered whether the in person persona would match the online persona. Not that I ever suspected her of being less that real with me at all; but just that second of "ooh, I hope she likes me in person!" It was a wonderful experience, and I'm so very happy to have gotten to spend the weekend with her! I would (and will) definitely do it again!

Now that I've written a very long book. . . .sorry! My eyes are fuzzy and I'm sleepy, so I'll end it here. If you've made it to the end of this post: WOW! I applaud you!

I know everyone's saying what a good topic this is, but I believe you can never compliment someone enough, so well done Lauren on a great topic!
Online and long-distance friendships, is a discussion (or rather, argument) had with my mother many times over the time I've been using VTM. I'll be discussing Harry Potter with my family, and someone will mention something a person on VTM posted about, and I'll say "Oh, yeah! Dawn reckons, or Nicky said this...." and my family will look at me in confusion. Mum disapproves of making friends over the internet, but I think differently.
There are two different types of online friendships, ones you know already, and ones you meet online. The ones you know already, but speak to online, include hotmail buddies, people you know in everyday life that happen to use the same sites you use. You trust these people, you see them everyday, and talking to them online is just another way of communicating, using the technology of today. You feel free to tell them everything, because you know exactly who they are. People you meet online can be different, but there are different cirucumstances. The first is the one you worry about; the ones you meet in random chatrooms, where you share about who you are, and about everyday things. These people could be anybody, and it's best not to reveal much of who you are to these people. The second include people you chat with in VTM forums, and forums like it. Forums like VTM, where we discuss Harry Potter, I believe is entirely different. All we talk about is the topic we discuss on the forum, namely Harry Potter. These online acquaintences are people you share a common passion with, and exchange ideas with. Then there's those who you meet online, that become true and real friends of yours, and are as close to you as any 'real-world' friends.
Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them?
If I trust the person, how comfortable I feel chatting to them doesnt change. I am known for being out-spoken, so I dont hold anything back from my friends, physical and online. I do often chat to online friends about different things than ones I speak to at school or work. Rather than talking about what happened at school, my best friends new girlfriend, or how stupid the homework is, I tend to talk about life, what they think of it, politics, the Olympics...generic things, opinions on life that I dont feel the need to talk to my other friends about.
So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?
Oh yes, in fact, the boy a grew up with, sort of a brother, moved to the UK when I was 7. They said they would be gone for a year, 8 years later they're still there. So yeah, that family is a long-distance friend I often chat to, mostly over MSN, email, or the occasional phonecall. Apart from VTM of course, I have loads here!
Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?
Good question, I have nothing against the idea of meeting an online friend at all, but I would say no. It would ruin it for me. I love the feeling of recieving a new email, OWL, or PM from an online friend, it sort of separates me from the real world. So meeting them, and changing the relationship, would ruin it for me. That may show me as a wuss, but hey, I'm no Gryffindor!

Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?
Yes, no question about it. It's a different relationship, sure, but the friendship is most definately real!

Wow, this is a long post! Awfully sorry

My best friend lives in Poland. I acually met her here on VTM. We send each other messages, we write letters to each other and we've spoken on the phone, although it was rather hard for her to speak on the phone because she's Polish. She is coming to England today and we are going to meet on Wednesday.

Wow Lauren, I can't wait till you get back and log on to VTM and check out this thread. Hope you're ready to read pages of posts

I must admit that I've had a new experience with long distance friends. A few days ago one of my friends on VTM convinced me to get an MSN screen name, account, or whatever it's called. Since then we've been talking more often and becoming better friends and now I'm even allowed the privilege of joining in group conversations with a bunch more members of VTM members and even some that aren't members here. So I've discovered that MSN (or internet conversing) is a great way to make long distance friendships and keep long distance friendships up.


So I kind of answered one of the new questions up there ^^ by accident but here we go.

When talking to long-distance friends, do you prefer the phone (excluduing all charges) or the internet?

To be honest, the internet. There are only a few of my closest friends that I can talk on the phone with for a while (besides my family). Mainly because I just ate be on the phone forever because then you can't do anything else. I'm the kind of guy that can't stand to just sit around and have my attention on just the phone. So being on MSN/AIM is great for me because I can talk to friends there, be on VTm, write my fanfic, watch and actually listen to the Olympics, and throw the ball for my dog. It's great

Do you mix your "online" life with your "everyday" life? As in do you introduce your everyday friends to your friends online? Or are you more possessive about your friends to be willing to share?

No I really don't. It's tough to introduce a person sitting next to me at the computer to a person I've met online. So I just have two groups of friends, online and everyday.

K, I've got to run.



-Nick
HJP

Haha Nick you shall soon become crazy too! =] I'd say beware... but then you'd beware and we don't want you to beware haha I'ma shut up now and answer questions.

When talking to long-distance friends, do you prefer the phone (excluduing all charges) or the internet?


Internet for sure. Easy explanation too. As some people know or have found out, I have many an irrational fear. One of them is phones. I hate talking on them for more than a minute. The only person I spend ages on the phone to is one of my everyday friends because... well simply because she doesn't shut up and I feel bad if I say I have to go
So yeah, definitely prefer talking over the internet.
Plus on the internet we can have those huge chats like we usually do Whereas you can only talk to one person on the phone at once, instead having group chats on msn.

Kelly
x

i hope you dont mind, but im going to put in my opinion on this topic.
and its quite interesting because my friend and i were just talking about this yesterday, before i knew of the existance of this thread. haha.

So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?
why yes i do! from all over the place from travelling so much, and you know, VTM.

Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?
to be honest, i dont really believe in long-term relationships (romance-wise) its easy to keep up with long-distance friends, but i just dont think long-term romances are possible. well, they are possible (my parents are examples of that) but its just not easy, and thats why most fail. i was once in a long-distance relationship and it didnt really last that long because it was just so hard to keep up and communicate.

We all know the dangers of chat rooms, people can pretend to be anyone they want. So are these friends the same as any other long distance friends?
i dont think theyre the same. mostly because long distance friends, id assume that you have met them in person first, whereas people in chatrooms, youve never met before. so being long-distance friends is different, and much safer.

Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?
ok, heres my definition of a long-distance friend: someone that you have met in person and befriended, but then had to become long-distance due to one of you moving. so yes, i would meet my long-distance friends, but i dont think i would ever meet up with someone that i just met online. especially since you never really know who you are talking to online. as stated in the earlier question, people can pretend to be anyone they want.

Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them?
it really depends. sometimes its nice to have an outsiders opinion on a situation. so yes, i guess it is easier, especially since you dont really have to worry about the truth coming out to your friends that you live near. but sometimes its also nice to have an insiders opinion and have a close-by friend tell you what they would do since they know the person youre having troubles with and how they might react.

Do you mix your "online" life with your "everyday" life? As in do you introduce your everyday friends to your friends online? Or are you more possessive about your friends to be willing to share?
im not possessive, but its not like i go "oh hey everyone! meet all these people that i met online on VTM!" haha. its not like that..i dont really bring it up with my close-by friends. so i guess i keep the two lives seperate.

When talking to long-distance friends, do you prefer the phone (excluduing all charges) or the internet?
umm, id have to say the internet..but i prefer that when im talking to anyone really. theres no awkward silences. actually, the only people i really talk to on the phone is my family and my bestest friend.

Wow, this thread is really cool and thoughtful. I'm up to post here, but first, congratulations! to Ginny.Weasley and uzzzkata for the greta post contributing to your houses' points

So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?

Besides Vtm's V-pals, I don't have any other friend from around the world. I love meting people from any culture, talking, learning about the place they live and sharing things, so I'm very glad because the Vtm forums give me the chance everyday not only to meet people, but to become friends with people who actually share something with me, the love for Harry Potter

Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them?

Yes, definitely. I feel it less awkward, since it's like you think, "Ok, so if they judge me badly or think I'm mad, at least I won't be there to see their reaction" It's silly, but I feel like that. There are certain things I don't feel like talking with the people you see everyday, for instance Harry Potter, or my obssesion with R/Hr, but there also other things that maybe people finds boring or pointless, and of course it's probably people here find them boring too, but I just write and write and you read what you want. It's much easier, I think that most people feel something like that.

We all know the dangers of chat rooms, people can pretend to be anyone they want. So are these friends the same as any other long distance friends?

It all depends. Chat rooms are free places, supposedly controled, but we all know it's not like that. I've been in chatrooms when people is really open and disgusting. But by talking in forums of a certain kind, gives you the advantage of find a shared bond with other people. There you can go discovering the people that have things in common with you, and so you can develope a closer friendship. Of course pretending is not only given in internet, but also in real life. Who can assure you they are what they show you? You never end knowing completely a person, that's my motto.

When talking to long-distance friends, do you prefer the phone (excluduing all charges) or the internet?

I don't have any other kind of so-close friends, but I can turn the question to this:

When talking to long-distance friends, do you prefer e-mailing/pming or chatting?

I can't decide. Sometimes I think msn is better, because you're connected with the person. You are holding a common conversation, not just talking to the air. But mails/pms/letters are so nice ... You spill your soul out, telling anything you like, and then you wait and finally read a reply, it's really good. Most because I love writing. But with my friends 'in the real life', I rather talk with them face to face or phone them. My friends often curse me because I don't pay attention when they are talking with me by msn. I don't have much time at the computer, so I try to do my best in doing the things I need and like to do, since I see them everyday.

Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?

I'd love to meet my e-buddies, but I think it'd be a bit impossible. At least I become a great ... something, and so I could visit them (or the opposite way, but I don't think anybody would do that) I suppose it'd be a great feeling, because you build your mental image based in all you've talked before, and then you see him/her and ... oooh, so that's you!! I don't think you could get dissapointed since your bond was based in something beyond appeareances.

Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?

I think it could be possible, because you have your friendship made. But it could be a bit awkward, because ... you don't really know him/her! Well, in some cases of course. I think the first step would be hearing the other person's voice. That gives you another trait of the person. It'd be so nice if I meet some of my buddies!

About the mental image you associate with them, I associate my buddies with their avatar. Mostly if it is the pic of a real person, don't mind if it's a famous person. I give them their features, or make a mental image based in what they like.



Me too. A bad thing about this is that people can get something you wasn't meaning, and they get upset with you for that. I usually do that, I think, but I don't realise since I start thinking it over and over and I feel very bad for it. It's true that of you can't see the other person expression, you can pretend to be and the other person can't guess it.

A thing that I 'd say it's possitive is that you can give a better impression of what you'd give in real life. Here you can't judge by the physical image, nor by the expressions, all you can judge is how the other people think. And you can't think twice what you mean to say. Sometimes we say with don't like a person just because of a thing they unintencionally slipped, and that's all, or because a twitch they have, things like that, and we don't give them a chance. I'm both victim and victimary of that.

Do you mix your "online" life with your "everyday" life? As in do you introduce your everyday friends to your friends online? Or are you more possessive about your friends to be willing to share?

No, it's not for possesive, but as my friends doesn't speak English, they wouldn't mind about it. They get interested when I told them once I had a friend from England, but it's not like I chat with them by my side, that'd be dumb. The way I mix things is that sometimes I found myself thinking in an interesting discussion or conversation I was holding and what I'll answer later, or once I dreamt I met one of my buddies (giving her one of those blurry faces you have in dreams), or also I forget whether I told certain thing to a real friend or a buddy, and so I have to ask "Did I tell you?"


Currently, I don't know if I could develop a real long-distance friendship here. I pm people and I think of them as friends, but the other point is, you don't really know if the other person considers you the same way. Maybe it'll have to go by a longer period talking to really know whether you share the same bond, and I hope it happen.

And Lauren the genius strikes again! I figured I might as well post when I don't have anything else to do. And this whole long-distance friendship stuff being something I think about quite a bit.

So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?

I don't have actual friends from another country that I've met online, but I have talked to some people in this forum. I have one of my best friends who moved to Thailand last week, and then one who moved to the US back in grade 4. I have her on MSN, but don't talk to her frequently. Our relationship pretty much faded. It's not really the same thing- you can't hang out, talk or do stuff together. You can just chat. And it's not even the same thing as talking to someone for real. This friend comes to Canada every summer, but I didn't see her this year. We're not as close as we were before. And now my friend from Thailand, I have no idea if she's even going to visit. I have a feeling I might stay closer to her, though, because we're older now and have a way of communicating since the beginning, but I'm afraid of going through the same thing as I did with my other friend. As for my e-buddies that I PM, though, there's two that live in the US, so I hardly consider that another country. Well, I still do, but it's not that far and we're not that insanely close. Then there's Lauren, but she lives quite close, I suppose, to it's not really that long distance.

I still find it really interesting to talk to people from all over the world. Like this site. It's not only about discussing things or making friends, you can also find out plenty about other places, as opposed to talking to someone who's in the same country. It's much more interesting, because you can not only talk about what's going on with your friends, but what's going on on your side of the world. It just makes it more fun to have a variety.

Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them?

Yes. It's easier, and I'm admitting it's partially because you don't have to see them all the time and be reminded of what they could be thinking of you. Though before talking to people I make sure I can trust them. You really never know, because, as I like to remind people, you can be whoever you want on the Internet, but your personnality nearly always finds a way through. Happily, everyone on this site is pretty much nice and trust-worthy, but there's only really one person I feel I can talk to. Maybe it's because I've 'talked' to her more, or because I'm more like her? Or because she's really, really mature, more than most people her age I know. If I randomly picked someone to start talking to, the chances are I wouldn't be able to talk to them like I can talk to her, my point being that it's easier to talk or relate to people when you have more in common with them. I find that with people who chat just for the sake of chatting, I don't feel as many, well, 'sparks'. Then there are some, on the other hand, that I can actually have a decent, lengthy discussion with.

We all know the dangers of chat rooms, people can pretend to be anyone they want. So are these friends the same as any other long distance friends?

Well, it depends. And it's not like I would know much, I stay away from chatrooms. And would be murdered if I didn't (figure of speech). But I suppose if you've met the person already, than it's not the same as talking to someone and wondering if they're real, if they're lying to you, what they look like, etc. It really depends on how much you know about the person. The problem with online relationships though, is that you have to be so careful about what you say, how you say it. Everytime I post something on this site or send a PM to someone, I read through it about a million times to make sure it doesn't come out wrong or make me sound bad. To be honest, I find my 'online-self' a little different than my 'real-self', like... more outgoing. Because it's not like I have to speak up in front of a crowd or do something embarassing or anything, right? So that's kind of the question. Is it your real personnality that's seen, because it's not hidden by shyness or something, or is it completely different from who you are? Are people seeing the best of you?

When talking to long-distance friends, do you prefer e-mailing/pming or chatting?

I just PM them, and then if I ever for some reason got off this site I'd most likely switch to emailing. I'm still a bit hesitant about the chatting thing, mostly because of the, erm, house rules and parents who would *figureofspeech*murder*figureofspeech* me if they found out I went in chat rooms or chatted with people I don't know. The person, in this case, I could go on to my parents about why she's fine and there's no danger, but I guess, I dunno... I suppose it's my great fear of the parents reactions. I tend to avoid doing things that could provoke an intense reaction.

Would you ever consider meeting a long distance friend one day if you haven't already? And if you have before, what was it like?

I wouldn't consider meeting someone from a chat room that I don't know much about, not that I would even consider going in a chatroom. Someone like Lauren, though (forgive me for using you as the example ), I wouldn't mind so much. Because I've got somewhat of proof that she's not some crazy pedophile and I just trust her already. But I don't think I would ever arrange a meeting or anything before I can really consider this person a real friend, or at least before my parents knew about it. I'm not a rebel child.

Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?

Umm... Friendships I say yes, but for more 'romantic' relationships, I'm not so sure. Because you have no idea what your boyfriend/girlfriend is doing on the other side of the world. Or even, what kind of person they really are. If you haven't met them, of course. It's really all a question of getting to know and trust eachother. Believe me, I'm not saying these relationships are impossible. I know people, friends of my parents, who met people on dating sites and are now happy couples. You have to get it in your head that not everyone out there is real, but at the same time you have to get it in your head that there are some good people, and not only all the bad stuff they talk about. That's what I like about this site. Pretty much everyone on this site is smart- readers, writers, they're all over the place. That's why I find it better that chatrooms. You know what kind of people you're talking to. People who like Harry Potter, who read alot and, seeing as they joined a discussion forum, understand what they're reading. And I have to say, there are people on this site who intimidate me. But this forum is packed with nice, decent people, so it kind of gives you this feeling of, well, comfort.

Do you mix your "online" life with your "everyday" life? As in do you introduce your everyday friends to your friends online? Or are you more possessive about your friends to be willing to share?

Umm... well I have told some friends about my 'e-buddies', as we call them, but I don't know if I would actually introduce them at the point of having them talk...? I don't think my 'real' friends really care about my online life anyway, haha.

It's kind of hard not to post something really long, in here, lol.

Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them?

Well see heres the thing with me I don't have any friends where I live and the "friends" I did have just sort of stopped being my friends! Oh flipping well! But I do have a friend that I met at school and right now she lives in Ohio and even though we don't talk a whole heck of a lot we do still talk. And wierd thing is, she is better friend to me than ANY of the "friends" I have ever had around here. And like she says, we were lucky to find each other in a school like that....Job Corps....free college in a nut shell! Job Corps Link! So as of right now I guess I could say yes and no, because we had a blast when we were able to hang out together and we enjoy talking to each other on the phone or via email!!!

This might get its own page for its length and I apologize in advance for that! Another note; I'm going in the order of posts so some things may not be in the right order. I'm sorry for that too!

Kelly's question: Do you find it easier to talk to long distance friends about more serious things that you don't necessarily want to talk to your friends about because it isn't like talking to some one face to face and can seem less private or you feel more comfortable talking to them?

It's definitely easier for me to talk to my long distance friends. The reasons behind this are;
a) I'm incredibly shy and it takes me a while to work up the nerve to speak to people face-to-face.
My long distance friends understand me more than my real life friends and I feel much closer to them than any of my real life friends.

I have to say that I do tell my long distance friends absolutely everything. I don't think I've ever talked so much until I started talking to these people. I tell them things that I don't tell anyone ever, and though that might be considered "dangerous" I've already told them that I trust them with my life. I can only hope that the feeling is mutual.

Nick brought up something I'm involved with and I just thought I'd make a point about it.


This is what I mean. There are people that I trust more than I trust anyone that I see day-to-day and these 'group conversations' allow everyone to get together and talk about what's going on in their lives. It's a very vital part of my life now.

Next is Stef's question: Do you mix your "online" life with your "everyday" life? As in do you introduce your everyday friends to your friends online? Or are you more possessive about your friends to be willing to share?

I did it once and I have to say that I regret it. For some reason I am quite possesive of my online friends and I enjoy my little secret. I found it really weird and honestly I wish I had never done it because now I know that he could tell them anything about me and maybe there's some things I'd rather he not say. I don't have anything to hide from them, goodness knows I've already given my life story. But for some reason, it just irked me. Kelly said it best;
"I've always thought of my online friends (and VTM) as being my own little escape, to get away from 'the real world' because I can talk to these people about almost anything and because I feel so comfortable with them. And because I'm selfish and don't want to share them... ever"

uzzkata brought up some good points.



I wouldn't really say that I shorten much. I agree that we get rid of the pretenses and this allows for easier communication. But I know that I will type whatever pops into my head even if it doesn't make sense. Just ask them! This also goes with the "not natural" point. I really will just type whatever pops into my head and I don't edit. I have nothing to hide, and honesty is the beset policy for me. Stef took the words out of my mouth;
"But also I do tend to type things I didn't mean to say because it's a lot easier not to be guarded with my online friends. I'm almost 21 years old and people expect certain things from me and well it's a lot easier to be myself where there is nothing expected of me." Except I'm not 21. But other than that, this is exactly what I'm talking about.



I agree with this. I've been known to disappear for days at a time without any explanation or notice really and it's just because I didn't want to snap at anyone and I just felt like being alone. It's just what you do.

On to Free's question: When talking to long-distance friends, do you prefer the phone (excluduing all charges) or the internet?

I absolutely depise talking on the phone so the Internet is my preference. Even with friends that live just down the road we both prefer MSN. This goes with my shyness, I get scared to talk on the phone. But my avoidance of the phone might have to do with the fact that I wasn't even allowed to touch it, much less answer or call someone until I was close to 10 years old.

passerby's starting statement: I'll start this with the blanket statement that I am 100% certain that on-line friendships can occur and be just as real as in-the-flesh ones.
is one that I completely agree with.

And Witherwings: We truly don't live that far away, maybe one day in the far off future we would meet accidentally. This sparks another question; Do you ever wonder if you'd ever seen one of your long distance friends before you knew who they were? You know how when you're in the mall say, and you see someone and the next thing you know you meet them somewhere else and become friends with them? Well do you think that this could happen with a long distance friend?

I'm going to stop here because it's very hard to type with the bandages and once again I'm sorry for the long post. And finally; I did read the entire discussion about uzzkata's points, I just decided not to comment because my opinions are similar to those that have already been mentioned.

It's nice to see this thread take off!

--x Lauren

Wow, Lauren, I'm really surprised I didn't look at this thread sooner, all things considered, but meh, I'm here now Ok there's way to much stuff here for me to comment on everything that I would like to so I'm just going to answer the one question that I have the most to say about

Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?
They can most definitly be real. Some of my online friends are better friends to me than my "everyday" friends. I'm actually dating somebody I met on this site, we started dating 9 months ago and he's the best thing that ever happened to me.


I have to disagree with this statement. In my opinion, every relationship takes a level of trust, there is never any way to know what the person that you're in a relationship is doing when you're not around. It doesn't matter if the person lives across town or across the world, you can never possibly know for sure if he or she is where they say they are and with who they say they're with. There is always the chance that person will cheat on you, no matter where they live. Part of being in a relationship is opening yourself up to that but trusting the other person not to.

The same thing goes for knowing who they really are or not. It doesn't matter if somebody lives next door to you, you would be surprised the number of people who aren't who you think they are. A perfect example of this is a man who was a close friend of my family before I moved and lived down the street from me. We found out a few months ago that since we had moved he had been arrested, appearantly this man who my little sister spent every day in their home was a child molester. We got lucky, he was targeting his older daughter's friends. Again, lucky for me, I didn't get along with the girl so I didn't spend time over there. You can never really know if somebody is who they claim they are or if they're just putting up the act. It's a matter of trusting people.

Sure, being in a long distance relationship is hard. There are times when you miss the person you love so much that it physically hurts. And yeah, there are times that I look at my friends at school walking down the hall holding hands with their boyfriend, or I go out with my friends and their boyfriends are with them with their arms around them or something and I look at them and a part of me wishes that I had that. But if you love the person you're dating, really truly love them, the distance doesn't matter. I know in my situation at least, I wouldn't trade AJ for anything in the world, even if it ment having somebody who can actually hold my hand or whatever.

Also, again just my opionion but I think the distance makes us stronger. First of all, most couples my age (I'm 16) the relationship is completely a physical thing, they think they're in love but they've never had to go even a week without the physical part of a relationship. The fact that we've never in 9 months had the ability to have it and we've still lasted longer than most couples I know, in my opinion makes me feel like the relationship itself is stronger because of that. If we can make it work over as much of a distance as we do, I think that we'll be able to make it work through just about anything that is thrown at us.

Okie done with my ramblings...

~Kristina

Aww Krissy! What you just wrote was so amazing and thought-provoking. It's great how you and AJ can make things work and last so much longer than the typical high-school couple. It has made me so much more open to the idea of having a long-distance relationship when never in a million years could I ever think that I could take that step.

I do believe that every relationship can be strengthed by distance. And even if your dating the guy who lives next-door, it's always good to have that period where you aren't in driving distance from eachother to test how strong and real the relationship is. That is probably why a lot of people prefer their long-distance friends over their everday friends because the physical aspect is not their which probably makes the relationship stronger. I don't know which I prefer more though. Right now, it's dead even.

But now to answer my own question.

When talking to long-distance friends, do you prefer the phone (excluduing all charges) or the internet?
I absolutely hate talking on the phone, really. If I can avoid it, I would. I hate those awkward pauses where no one is saying anything and all you hear is the person on other end breathing. I always make weird faces and walk around just so I have something to do. I would rather speak to the person face-to-face or over the interenet. I like to make facial expressions so face-to-face is my ideal form of communication.

-Free-

Whoa! How did I not see that? It's exactly what I think. I'll even get cravings to go on hear and talk my heart out, just to get away from everything else... And part of the reason I think we're more comfortable with eachother on here is that I think the good thing about online relationships is that they're based on interests much more that anything else, unlike 'real' relationships, which usually tend to start off with noticing what the other person looks like, etc., so you can't really know if that person's your friend for looks, money, popularity, etc. But in this case, there are much more chances that that person is a true friend, because they were most likely attracted to you by common interets, for the reasons that count.

I just thought I'd add, also, to my answer about mixing my online/real lives... I don't think I ever would. I already have a cousin on this site, and thankfully she doesn't post in the forums. But I would never have a friend of mine or relative join the forums! They could say anything about me on the site, which is a real risk, and then they could also go off and tell people what I say and do in the forums. Which is not good because, well, like I said on here it's bit like a diary for me. Not in that way, but I mean... I say things on here I would probably never say to my friends/family. Also, I can't talk to my friends or family like I can talk to the people on these forums. I don't feel comfortable talking about serious things with my friends, which is bad and strange, I know, but hey what can I do about it.

First off, *glares at Free* no awing at me ...I just wrote without thinking honestly I had to go back and see what I said to figure out what was so thought provoking, but I'm glad that I made at least one person more open to the idea...that's very happy making


Not going to lie, that is exactly the reason I started posting on these forums as much as I now do to begin with. I was dealing with a ton of problems at school and at home and was just sick of dealing with it, but then when I signed on here nobody knew about any of that. They knew as little or as much as I wanted them to so I didn't have to deal with those problems because nobody even knew about them. And then when I found the threads where I could talk about my problems but not have to see the looks in peoples eyes and practically hear them thinking whatever it was people were thinking about me I got even more addicted because I could talk about it.

Do you mix your "online" life with your "everyday" life? As in do you introduce your everyday friends to your friends online? Or are you more possessive about your friends to be willing to share?
When I first joined I would never have even considered mixing the two groups. I didn't want to deal with my "everyday" friends judging me and as part of the reason I used the forums so much was that I couldn't talk to my friends at school I didn't want them to come on here and see what I said. When I started dating somebody from this site I realized that I would have to mix the two groups because by saying yes when he asked me out I had made him part of my "everyday" life. However even still the two groups didn't really mix. My two best friends made an effort with him and are now friends with him, but neither of them really talk to any of my other friends. The rest of my friends have yet to even speak to him, while most a few of them are okay with the relationship they don't see the need to pay him any more attention than necessary, and sadly most of my supposed friends are against my relationship, which has caused some problems with us. So, over all, I think that it's better off just keeping the two"lives" separate.

~Kristina

Do you mix your "online" life with your "everyday" life? As in do you introduce your everyday friends to your friends online? Or are you more possessive about your friends to be willing to share?

Well at first, I kept to myself about my new life and all my new friends, but then I think the excitement of it all overwhelmed me so I just had to share my new "life" with someone else. Unfortunately, as soon as I introduced my "everyday" friend to my online friends I regretted it. Like everyone else, I realised what my everyday friend could tell my online friends and vise versa.

I still worry a little, because there is one major part of my online life I have kept completely away from my everyday life, and I'm planning to keep it that way. Some of you may know what, more like who, I'm talking about and I like to keep that part away from my everyday life because I don't want to deal with how my "everyday" friends would react if I told them.

Anyway, back to the question, I spose I am a bit possesive about my online friends. But like everyone else, my online friends were my escape from everyday problems, and to combine my "everyday" and online friends would just spread the problems further with no escape.

I love both my online and "everyday" friends equally, but I like keeping them seperate for the reasons I've already stated.

..Katie

Friend:
-A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
-A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
-A person who gives assistance.

To me, all these definitions are what I have with my long distance friends. We've talked about how they can most definitely be real, and I just felt like posting this in a way of 'proof' I guess you call it, that distance really doesn't matter when you're talking about a friend. I'm sure these definitions fit for most of you as well.

--x Lauren

So, do you have any friends from somewhere else in the world?
I have friends from everywhere, I swear. I live in ID, and I have friends all over the United States, Canada, the UK, other countries in Europe, even a friend living in Saudi Arabia, some friends in New Zealand, Australia...I don't know, I just make friends online and stuff really easily for some reason, and they tend to be pretty good friendships. And, for example, that's how my relationship with my fiance started...as a long distance friendship.


What is your opinion on long distance friendships? Do you think they can be for real, or is it just not possible?
I think they are much for real. I spent almost all of the summer living with someone across the country (my friend Stephanie in Illinois). I had only met her before at this "reunion" thing, with a bunch of my friends from this writing site. We are all over 18, of course, lol, but we all decided that we should meet, even though we'd never met any of each other before, so I ended up, my first time ever, on a plane going to Philadelphia to meet people I didn't know. And you know what? It was like I DID know them in real life. I could just completely be myself because they already knew the real me. I didn't have to lose the shyness or be socially awkward or inept. I could just be me. It was an awesomely freeing feeling. And then with Stephanie, we're like twins. It was seriously like I've always known her.

Do you mix your "online" life with your "everyday" life? As in do you introduce your everyday friends to your friends online? Or are you more possessive about your friends to be willing to share?
I do, actually, mix my online life with my everyday life. I've introduced my friends to certain websites, and introduced them to my friends online (it's how my friend from chorus knows Stephanie or you know, stuff like that). I'm not possessive at all. They're just my friends...they're not like I should be hoarding them or something! They're not treasure. Well, they're treasure to ME, but I mean, not like actual let's start bartering.