Okay so I've just started my second fic. I've had this idea for absolutely months but never thought I could juggle it with my other fic - Grim Affairs.
However, I finally decided it was time to get it written before I forgot it all together, I'll just have to live with juggling the two.
This is written in a much different way to Grim Affairs so I'd love to see what people think of my new writing style, I want to see if it works as well

Here is the link to the fic - You Only Live Twice

Please leave me some lovelly feedback.

Kelly
x

Wow Kell!

So this is a great start! Not so heavy like you told me it'd be! I feel bad for Harry just like I did at the end of OotP. I love Sirius! That bit with Amellina was unexperted to be honest. I thought she might have been like his daughter, his sister even I dunno but his girl?! I must remember to shoot her . He's mine! Gosh! Ok so yeah I loved the start, it seems like it's going to be quite a fanfic! Just don't stop writing Grim Affairs because I like that one

Great job like usual

-Stef

Kelly

Great job! I really enjoyed reading your fanfic and look forward to reading more. You describe emotions very well; I like how you included Harry shedding a quick tear but tried to hide it. The kind of thing that JKR would've done Great job!


-Nick
HJP

Wow Kelly, just wow...I bow down to you.

I absolutely loved this. The first chapter is so dark and so sad but it's amazing. It draws the reader in and you immediately want to know more. I wanna know how Amellina knows Sirius and how they got to be dating. It's just...wow... I envy your writting ability because this fic I can already tell is completely different than your other one but they're both amazing. I am jealous.

Please post again soon...I loved it.

~Krissy

Second chapter up. I'm enjoying writing this fic so much!

Stef - I told you he wasn't a peado! haha. And yeah I decided against making it too heavy because it was the first chapter and I thought too heavy might be a bit much so I toned the heavy down a bit I'm glad you liked it ^^

Nick - Haha I'm glad you liked my fic Now see, I always thought emotions was what I did the worst on I've always felt uncomfortable writing them because I never thought they came across as being genuine. Haha that's such a compliment to me saying it's how JKR would have done it I'm so glad you liked it though

Krissy - You really don't need to bow down to me It's not that great haha. I'm glad it managed to draw you in though =] Haha. And really... Don't envy me You're a much better writer haha. But thankyou anyway *watches head swell*

You're all too nice, stop feeding the ego! haha.

Kelly
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Now yo sounds like Stef

Okay, so wow...she's back in time with James and the Marauders? Crazy idea, but I like it. I like how you described all the characters, great job. And I can't believe you updated so fast, you're making me look bad

Keep it up

-Nick
HJP

Once again Nick tries to beat me to being the first to review but I shall type faster than him!

So I loved it! Ok so you made Sirius not a pedo which rocks! And I love the whole impact of a story so different! Wait is she going to tell the others about Peter? I mean she really can't change what happened because it'd be wrong! Ohhhh I wish I could go back in time! That would be hecka cool! I love the way she compares younger marauders to older ones! It's great

good job Kell I'm very impressed! Great writing!

Post soon!

-Stef

PS: Must beat him! Oops I failed

Kellyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

I never read your last fic, I didn't know you had one but then once Stef told me about this one with Amellina, I just HAD to read it!!! Haha Amellina, Kelly you legend

It's really good, really unlike anything I've read before. I like how it flicks between the two scenes rather than just focusing on the marauder era all the way through. It's better this way cos then we can see Harry's reaction to all the little bits rather than the story as a whole.

I like the way it isn't canon, neither of mine are canon haha, I like making my own plots up

Well I must say, if I were Amellina (Which, part of me is in a way ) I would murder Peter. Messing with time isn't good but you know, he'd be dead. And James and Lily would still be alive

Anyways great fic, but one question ... who is the mam? Me, you or Krissy? Or are we all aunties hehe

Post again soon

~Amy <33

Hey Kelly!

I'm reading Stef's fic but I thought I should check this one out too and I'm glad I did! It is amazing! I love the whole going back into time thing and seeing the Marauders. Great detail, I especially love how you described Peter: As if he'd got it stuck in a door once and it'd stayed that way. It made me laugh! Well, I really look forward to more!

-Free-

Mmm I still think you're amazing deary...but we don't want your head to get to big...*pokes it with pin and watches it deflate* hehe all better!

I loved this chapter but I do have a bone to pick with you...Amellina is my daughter, not my niece. *glares* hahah

But other than that it was amazing. I love the idea of her getting sent back in time with a time-turner, I had actually thought that she was Sirius' age and they just had never mentioned it before, but your idea is way cooler.

Please post more soon...pretty please?

~Kristina

Third chapter is up =] later than I promised some people but don't worry.
I would also like to add I'm proud of this chapter as I've written the second half of it with a huge hangover! haha

Wow lots of feedback to reply to. You're all lovely

Nick - I may sound like Stef but it's true! I know it's a crazy idea but I am crazy. Shh don't tell anyone I'm glad you like it though! And don't worry about me making you look bad. I'm sure my updates will start taking longer and longer to write and post Besides I read your fic and it's too good to make look bad with this! haha.

Stef - Haha Nick so owned you with feedbacking! Aww you can have extra cookies for effort though I'm glad you're liking the fic though I didn't think it was going to be that good because I just wrote it on whim and then carried on haha. And I told you Sirius wasn't a pedo! haha. As for everything else. Well you're just going to have to wait and see. And I wouldn't let you go back in time... You'd be a riot lol!

Amy - you readed my fic! yayy! And yeah, I liked the idea of switching between the two as well 'cause you get to see the two different sides of it with Harry's reaction to everything as well. And I was going to keep the plot canon but thought 'I can't really.. not if I'm doing something like this.' So I'm trying to keep it as canon as I can with whats going on We're all the mums, just I thought it best not to say that as people might cart me off to the loony bin haha. So in this we're all Aunties. I'm so glad you liked though

Free - Yayy you read too I liked the idea too, I'm just glad you liked it too I wasn't sure about it at first, but I'm glad I decided to write it. As Stef said once, I did a Stephanie Meyer, the idea came to in a dream - that's true as well! And I just had to finally write it instead of putting it off. And I liked that Peter line too I don't like him, so I purposely try to be mean haha.

Krissy - Haha it's a good thing you deflated my ego. With all this feedback it was getting bigger than AJ's haha! And I know she's your daughter, but that would sound weird in the fic lol. Haha I'm glad you, and no one else, had guessed how she knew Sirius and stuff. It makes it better for me to get responses like yours haha. I thought it was going to be really obvious or something. So glad it's not My idea's always rock haha.
*rolls eyes*

As I said, you're all way too nice to me! haha

Kelly
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Hey Kelly,

Well I like Chapter 3 and I can't believe you wrote it with a hangover I'm glad that Harry is starting to get the sparkle back in his eyes. I really hope she kills Peter or something along the lines of 'altering the future so that James and Lily live.' However I can pretty much guess that won't happen since it's a flashback. So oh well...But on that note, you're doing a great job of jumping back to the present, which can be tough.


-Nick
HJP

KELLY!!!!!!!!

Great chapter darling. I loved how she kept wanting to say things but was afraid of messing up all of history. Also, I love that she's better friends with the guys than with Lily, at least at this point.

And aww very cute, Sirius hitting on our baby girl and her getting all freaked out about it and having to leave...although I suppose having somebody who you know is like 30 years older than you hit on you would be kind disturbing...

post soon pwease!

~Krissy

p.s. I want credit for being 1/3 of the mommy in the next chapter!

Haha, well I don't like the little twit either!

I loved chapter 3! Young Sirius hitting on Amellina is so adorable. Just simply admiring the view, how cute! I'm interested to see what is going to happen between these two later on.

And James just about freaking out because Amellina is friends with Lily was hilarious. I wonder if she is going to do what James asks her to do though because she seems very scared about altering the future. But hmm, maybe it won't matter since Lily and James getting together is inevitable. Who knows! All I know is that I look forward to more and it's great seeing Grumpy Harry a little bit more cheerful! Hope to read more soon!

-Free-

Firstly, I must say a huge thanks for making me the Mam it may have taken a lot of e-begging on MSN, but I suppose it paid off on the end

Secondly, does Krissy know about the surname thing? Haha

Thirdly, proper feedback I liked that chapter ... again And no, I don't think the writing style is too laid-back, I think it fits perfectly with the plot and it makes it seem so real from Amellina's point of view. Haha I agree with Nick, it would be pure belta if she murdered Peter. Talking of which, I like how you've included her opinion ... like she'd love to murder him and whatnot but she can't mess with time; it's good you've put a mention in of her feelings towards Peter. Lastly, the final part was nice about how Harry likes how Amellina has lived with his parents because it seems more real to him. Awww!

Post again soon, Kelly loving it!

~Amy <33

HEY HON. I KNOW THIS IS SHORT, BUT I LOVE YOUR STORY. YOUR DOING A GOOD JOB. KEEP IT UP.

KIARA

I loved the new chapter Kelly! I saved it and read it at home since I have limited time here! I loved it! Made me chuckle at points. So Amellina has it bad for Sirius! That must be slightly weird seeing as she's met him as an old dude. But wait old dudes arent that bad if they are like Sirius . So I loved it! So far so good Kell! Great job but don't slack on Grim Affairs!

Keep up the good work!

-Stef

New chapter up!!

Nick - yeah I know, I was proud of myself to write through a hangover. But this fic is just so much fun to write so I didn't really care Ha I wish I could kill Peter in this... but I eliminated that option already, as you said - it's a flash back I could always have changed what had happened in the future too... but I didn't think of that It is tough jumping back to the present. Trying to find a way to fit it all in is hard, but thanks for saying I'm doing a good job with it lol.

Krissy - Haha well if someone told you if you do something that could end up in that you weren't born would you be careful too Yeah, I like writing her thoughts. Her thoughts are so completely messed up and she doesn't really know what to do or anything. Its fun writing her because her thoughts and the way she thinks have become kinda like mine. She's like my mini-me Haha I loved Sirius hitting on her. I just thought it would be such a Sirius thing to do. Plus it's fun to write a different kind of Sirius in this one. He's too sensitive in my other. I need to write the player side of him now
Amy reminded me - Amellina's surname is all our names combined if you hadn't figured it out There's Green - Gre - Depre - De - Hampson - Son. Makes... Gredeson haha.

Free - No one likes him He's such a poo lol. What actually happens keeps changing, I can't decide, so I'm just as interested as you are to see what actually happens between them She might do what James asked her. She is getting better friends with Lily, so I may slip it in sometime soon. But I'm not saying anything definite Don't want to ruin it for you lol. Hah grumpy Harry will cheer up, I promise. I don't want it to be a completely depressing fic, I want it to have its cheery points.

Amy - Hah the e-begging sure did pay off *sigh* silly e-begger... haha. Umm not sure if Krissy knows about it... hang on I'll go edit her feedbackfeedback and tell her. Done! Glad you like the writing style. I don't want it to get too casual though lol I loved writing her feelings about Peter. I hate his character and it was so nice for her to just be angry and hateful towards someone for once lol She's actually really feisty but now that she's in new surroundings she's been taken aback and is kind of unsure what to do. I thought Harry saying that was cute too. I was going to have him be angry about it. But I thought that Harry would be more open to hearing about it because he never spent much time with his parents. He really would have liked hearing about them I think.

Kiara - Thanks for reading my story. I'm so glad you think its good and that you like it

Stef - I'm glad it made you chuckle That means it works lol. It'd suck if I tried to write funny and no one chuckled lol. Haha it would be weird. But attractions a sucky thing. We always get attracted to people we know shouldn't !! And she's just a bit wigged by the fact that young Sirius is so hot and nice yet it's weird cause he's the same old guy she knows. Confusing much. Haha I love that you love it Makes my head grow bigger. I won't slack on GA. I just updated, and I'm working on another new chapter now lol

Ha, Lots of writing there. You're all way too kind. haha, a big thanks to all of you then, you're all making my head huge!

Kelly
x

No hangover this time Kelly?

Anywho, me likey a lot. I'm so glad that Am is making some friends and everyone idolizes here. But I still feel bad for her being stuck in the past forever. Haha, and I was just thinking how awkward it must be for Am when she first gets back and sees the 30 year old version of Sirius after a steamy year back in his teens...ooo


Keep it up girl!


-Nick
HJP

Keira! Kelly! Keira! Kelly!

I dunno... anyway I loved the chapter, it made me laugh. I think you're carrying the plot line nicely and hey if I were Amellina I'd so snog Sirius, heck he's a babe! Anyway poor Am she must feel weird being back in the 70's ohhh but they liked pot then so yay! Just kidding. I liked the chapter it was funny! Keep em coming!!!

-Stef

Yay Kelly updated!

I love how you showed her emotions in this chapter Kelly, it made it so much easier to relate to her as a character. I loved it. And the scene with Remus was really cute, I can tell they're going to be good friends in the past

I would still hook up with Sirius, even if he is old in the future he's her age in the past. And he's not her daddy so it won't stop her from being born

~Krissy

First off... HUGE apology for the delay. School work and whatnot. If you read the chapter the entire apology is in the A/N. So sorry lol.

Nick (Or Mr. Invisible seeing as you're never around anymore) - No hangover this time. But hangover whislt writing this new one lol!
And it may be awkward when (if!! wait... we all know she gets back... ignore that if!!) she gets back it may not be. You'll just have to wait to find out! =] *evil laugh*
Thanks for reading, I'm so glad you like it! And I so hope you'll contine to read haha.

Stef!! - I would so snog Sirius too! So happy you love the story. I don't have much else to say cause I'm shattered. But please keep reading.

Krissay - I didn't think the emotion was that strong, but I'm glad you think so. Remus is going to be a cute character all the way through this really, so I'm glad that came across haha. I'd do Sirius too =] Maybe Amellina will too... haha maybe not. You'll never know haha

So once again, sorry for the delay PLEASE keep reading and I hope to see some feedback in here soon!

Kelly
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Kellay! I loved it. The bit about Sirius and James loving each other in a totally platonic way is soo stolen from me it's not even funny though I loved how she introduced them to the school as a gay couple...that was hilarious...Although I must yell at you for ruining a completely perfect almost godlike moment at the end...is not fair at all And even more yelling for leaving a cliffy, even though we all know she's gonna say yes and go with him it's still a mean cliffy lol. Overall, amazing as always, post soon!

Now this is a story I really liked. The plot is quite original, out of all the stories I have read here, (believe me I've spent my summer reading because I have some summer course that are boring and I rather read in class that pay attention) this one has grasped my attention from chapter one. It's hard to do that because I am very critical. I leave feedback only to the stories I believe are even worth it.

I think you should write some more of this. I'd like to see if I continue to like it as much.

MK