Disclaimer: I did not create the wonderful world that is the Harry Potter story and I am not writing for any personal or monetary gain. I'm simply borrowing some favourite characters and having some fun.

Warning- This story contains sarcastic humour and comments, so be warned ahead of time.

Apprehensive

Preface

A friend i’the court is better than a penny in purse. ~William Shakespeare


Find your true friends. That’s what everyone tells you when you’re young. Meet the people you want to spend the rest of your school days and potentially the rest of your life with. Be open to meeting new people, do this, do that. Did they ever once stop to think that maybe you enjoy the solitude of being alone? No, of course not.

Just once I wish people would learn to listen. Instead of pushing me to make my best friends, I wish they would just let me be and do things my own way. Who are they? My parents mostly. They send letters every single week to check up on me. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even bother writing back anymore. I’m thirteen years old, not three, and I’m a third year student for crying out loud. I don’t think I should have to report to them all the time like some criminal on probation. Do you understand what I’m getting at?

Who am I? My name is Remus Lupin and I’m a werewolf. That sounds like an introductory phrase for an attendant at Magical Beasts Anonymous or something. Lovely. But that’s who I am so let’s move on. I’m a third year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and I am one of the top students in my year. I say one of because there are a lot of us that are quite bright and it makes distinguishing the top student very difficult.

I do have friends, just not best friends. To me the term best friend would imply that you tell a person everything, all of your secrets, your fears, all of it, and I just don’t go there. I haven’t really gotten close to my friends because I’m sure that after a while I’d become comfortable and accidentally let something insignificant slip. This wouldn’t be a problem normally but I’m sure my friends would be able to figure out my secret. Its better that I just enjoy the solitude that takes up the majority of my life and be grateful that I even have some casual friends. It’s uncommon for werewolves to be civilized beings you know. I don’t really want to push my luck.

My friends are James Potter and Sirius Black, also known as Prongs and Padfoot, or if you’re talking about the both of them; the Marauders. I have no idea where they got the names from so don’t even ask. They’re great guys, they love to play pranks and they’re fun to be around, and they’re incredibly smart. If they weren’t so intuitive then I’d have no problem becoming ‘best friends’ with them like they always seem to try to make me become. As it is, it just can’t happen and they won’t be able to change my mind.



A/N: I have returned with another Remus fic. I've got everything set up for this one, and I plan on updating once a week.

--x Lauren

Chapter 1: An Introduction to My Life

Complaining is good for you as long as you’re not complaining to the person you’re complaining about. ~Lynn Johnston


Muggle alarm clocks are annoying things. Whoever invented them must not have been too smart because they don’t actually serve their purpose. All they do is beep until you become so annoyed that you smash it with your fist, effectively hitting the snooze button. This guarantees you another nine or so minutes of peaceful sleep before you have to go through the whole process again. So really, it doesn’t actually do anything but give you some rude awakenings while still allowing you to continue sleeping. But for some reason one of the other boys in my dormitory think it works.

I groaned and sat up as James’ fist came down on Peter Pettigrew’s silver alarm clock. Finally it stopped its pestering ringing. I was going to stop the noise myself soon if he hadn’t beat my there. It had been going off for more than five minutes and Peter hadn’t even moved to shut it off. I bet it hadn’t even woke him up.

“Peter can you please just get rid of it?” James pleaded, rubbing his eyes.

“I can’t, otherwise mum would kill me!” Peter whined. Peter was not friends per se with anyone in the dorm. He was just so whiny and annoying sometimes, quite similar to his alarm clock actually. Everyone put up with him though because sometimes, and we’re talking very rarely here, he could be pretty cool. And he was a Gryffindor after all. We Gryffindors have to stick together you know. That’s what the Official Gryffindor Handbook that the bossy Prefects handed out the other day stated. What a waste of paper in my opinion. We already knew everything that it talked about. Anyway...

“Well then please just stop setting the stupid thing,” Sirius grumbled from the other side of the room. “We’ll get you up in the mornings, don’t worry.”

I chuckled under my breath as I got dressed. James and Sirius were not morning people at all. They always woke up ten minutes before class. It was just enough time to get dressed and get downstairs. For breakfast they ate granola bars that they got from the kitchens at night every once in a while. They had a whole stash hiding under their beds in a box and the house elves were only too happy to give them the food. Peter would have a heart attack if he ever had to do that. He took a long time to get ready in the mornings and always made sure to have a full, healthy breakfast. This was because he was raised by his single mother who worried about him constantly. It made him a worrywart and religious rule follower. It was tiring to share a dorm with him sometimes. At least he had Simon, our other dorm mate, who was friends with him. Those two got along really well and I was glad it made Peter stop following people around like a lost puppy. It had become pretty pathetic to watch and I had felt sorry for him.

“Hey Remus you coming with us to Hogsmeade this weekend?” James asked casually.

“I’m not sure really,” I replied indifferently. “I might have plans.”

“Oh, alright then,” James said, visibly disappointed. I felt bad once I saw his face, but not so guilty that I’d change my mind.

James and Sirius had taken it upon themselves to try and become my best friends. We already were fairly good friends but I they wanted to take it to the ‘best’ level. Their words, not mine, so don’t laugh at that. They meant well with all their invitations to go places with them all pull pranks with them, but to be honest it became quite irritating at times. I just wasn’t up to the whole ‘tell each other everything’ part that came with having best friends. Because of my condition that could be dangerous territory. So I settled for being as difficult as possible in the hopes that they’d give up and I’d never have to explain myself. This meant a lot of alone time though.

I suppose I could’ve found a girlfriend or something to keep me occupied but I believed that girlfriends wanted to know absolutely everything about you so that path was out too. It was like I was doomed to be alone forever. I suppose that was true though. Werewolves weren’t supposed to have friends or be in society. I was breaking the social norm of my kind by being at Hogwarts. I should be grateful for that much instead of contemplating what ifs.

I enjoyed being at Hogwarts, I truly did. The legends were fascinating, and the castle was amazing. Contrary to many people I actually enjoyed classes and enjoyed learning what the teachers taught. On the nights when I had to leave the castle Dumbledore was very kind and accommodating. He brought me down to the Whomping Willow himself on those nights when he was at the castle and he would be waiting for me in the morning when I emerged. Hogwarts was my second home but it felt more like home than my own home where my parents lived.

“Hey Remus, are you coming?” Sirius asked. I looked up from my book and saw that everyone was waiting by the door. I couldn’t be too rude so I answered with a nod and left with them.

We had Defence Against the Dark Arts first and we were learning about Boggarts. They were wonderful beings that would turn into your deepest fear. That sounded morbid, let me explain. They weren’t wonderful because of the fact that they turned into some evil. No they were wonderful because somehow they knew what your deepest fear was without you even having to say it aloud. It was like mind reading. Though to be honest I didn’t want to try because I was afraid it would turn into something that would give me away. Thankfully the teacher, Professor Goodham, didn’t call on me to try. It helps to be a good student- you can get teachers to give you a break every once in a while.

Our next class was Potions, one of my least favourites. I hated having to ask James or Sirius or even Lily Evans on occasion for help. It made me feel dependent on them and I prided myself on my independence. I always hated asking for help.

We were only reviewing the Calming Draught today, a potion I had found fairly easy to make. I finished mine before every else, mostly because while all of my classmates were talking amongst themselves as they worked, I worked in silence. I handed in my finished product and Professor Slughorn dismissed me from class.

I was glad for the long walk back to the tower. It was very quiet because everyone else was either still in class or in the Great Hall for lunch. I would probably have the common room to myself. Maybe I would even get to read some of my book. Sounds incredibly exciting doesn’t it? My life is definitely boring. Great, I’m so lucky.

I sighed as I set my bag down leaned against a wall in a deserted corridor. Even though I had no reason to feel this way I still felt lonely. I knew I could be friends with James and Sirius and I was pretty sure I could trust them. But I couldn’t take the chance. It had happened before where I had trusted someone that shouldn’t have been trusted and it almost resulted in my being expelled. I would not make the same mistake twice.

My head banged of its own accord against the wall. All my negative feelings had rushed to the surface and I had just let it happen. I hated doing that-it made me feel weak. I had a great life; I had no reason to feel sad for myself. Self-pity had to be the emotion I hated the most. Nothing infuriated me more than when I started to feel sorry for myself. I sighed and closed my eyes. Just get over it Remus, I thought to myself.

“Hey Remus, what’re you up to?” I heard James ask from somewhere on my left. I turned my head and opened my eyes and saw him and Sirius walking toward me. I got up and slung my bag over my shoulder.

“I was just resting,” I told them.

“Come on to lunch with us,” Sirius offered, grinning. “We’re sort of celebrating the fact that I didn’t screw up the Calming Draught today.”

I debated this for a minute. It couldn’t hurt just to eat lunch with them could it? They wouldn’t think this changed anything about how I was feeling, would they? Oh well, I really couldn’t be so rude and say no when we’re in the same house. “Alright,” I answered cautiously.

“Great let’s go, I’m starving,” Sirius said and promptly turned back around to go to the Great Hall.

“Uh, Sirius?” I asked tentatively. “Don’t you want to put your stuff up in the dorm first?”

“Oh, right that might be a good idea,” he replied laughing and turned back around and jogged to catch up with James and I, who had already started to walk towards the Tower.

I shook my head in exasperation. Sirius could be very scatter brained when he was hungry. Imagine that- a link between your stomach and your brain that made you act a bit loopy when you were hungry. I would have to think that would stink. I liked being in control thank you very much.

A/N: Now before you get mad, I realize it looks short. It was only 4 pages in length but its just about 2000 words, which is the normal length of one of my posts. I'm working on getting them longer, so please bear with me!

--x Lauren

Chapter 2: Snapped

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. ~Ambrose Bierce



“Remus, are you sure you don’t want to hang out with us in Hogsmeade?” James asked for what seemed like the hundredth time this week. It was starting to get on my nerves but I didn’t say anything. He was just being his annoyingly nice self again.

“I’m positive James,” I replied. “I have a lot of things I have to do and I want to get it all done today. The castle will be empty so it’s the perfect time.” I was lying through my teeth but he didn’t have to know that part. The truth was that I would probably be hiding out in my favourite room in the castle, keeping myself occupied. I knew that it was slightly pathetic to be hiding when it was so clear that there were people that wanted me around, but I just didn’t feel like attempting to try to hang around with them all the time.

“Well if you’re sure...” James said, eyeing me doubtfully.

“Trust me James, just go out and have your fun,” I told him, feigning earnest.

“Alright but you’re sitting with us at dinner,” he decided and I sighed. James always had a plan to make sure he always got his own way somehow. It was a quality that was both admired and feared. At the moment, I just found it annoying. Now I’d have to find a way to get out of that arrangement as well.

After they left I walked around the halls for a while. I wasn’t headed anywhere in particular yet, I was just aimlessly wandering. The people in portraits watched me curiously, all wondering what I was doing I’m sure. I tried not to make eye contact with their stares, preferring to look down the corridor straight ahead.

“Yer’ lookin’ a little lost there lad,” a bearded sailor called to me from his portrait of a ship being swirled in an invisible wind at sea. I jumped at the sound of his voice and turned to face him. A mistake on my part. I wasn’t looking for conversation; I just wanted to be alone.

“I’m not lost,” I answered.

“Well then lad, you’d be best to let your friends into your life or summat,” he told me wisely. “You’ll feel a whole lot better if you do. Being alone isn’t always a good thing you know.”

“Erm...thanks for the advice,” I said and hurried away, his voice still echoing in my ears. How did he know I was alone? For all her knew I could be going to meet up with friends right now. My blood boiled in my veins. Some people, or portrait characters in this case, could be so presumptuous. James and Sirius were like that too. They seemed to assume that I wanted to be part of their little group, so we could be like the Three Musketeers or something. The thought made me cringe. I knew what I was doing with my life, meddlers should just stay out. I quickened my pace in frustration. You couldn’t even walk the halls anymore without someone trying to tell you what you should do.

I finally reached my destination; the seventh floor corridor with the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. I paced in front of it three times with my eyes tightly shut in concentration. When I opened them, a door had appeared on the opposite wall. I smiled in anticipation.

I opened the door and stepped inside my haven. The Room of Requirement was an amazing place. As long as you concentrated on what you wanted while you paced, it would appear. Right now I was standing in a medium sized room, filled with books and plush couches. It would be the perfect place for me to spend the day.

I settled on one of the couches and set down my bag. I pulled out some homework and lost myself in my Transfiguration essay...

“Remus! Remus, open up the door!” I jumped in surprise when a loud banging at the door brought me out of my concentration. It sounded like Sirius and I groaned aloud. They must’ve come back and asked the portraits where I went. But how they would know that I was in this secret room was beyond me. As far as I knew, I was the only one who knew about this place.

I glanced at the clock on the table beside me and with a shock I realized my whole day was gone. I must have really been concentrating on my homework. I hadn’t even noticed the day go by. Grumbling incoherent words under my breath, I got up and swung my bag over my shoulder. I wasn’t about to let them or anyone else into my secret place.

“Hello,” I said formally, opening the door and slipping out quickly. As I had figured, it was James and Sirius who were waiting outside the door. Those two were always together! I mean really, do they ever get tired of one another? How can they just stick together like that all the time and not want to throttle the other? It would probably drive me up the wall to always have to follow someone around.

“Would you like to come down to dinner with us now?” James asked, smiling cordially and seeming excited. For some reason that I still can’t explain, that sentence made something inside me snap and I was filled with hate and anger.

“You know what James? No I don’t want to go down to dinner okay?” I snapped. “I’m not some project you two can try to take on and conquer. I don’t know why you are even bothering. Did you ever once think that maybe I like being alone? That maybe I enjoy not having to follow people around like they own me or something? Please for goodness sake stop trying to force me to be your pet! I won’t bend and do whatever you want. I have my own will and my own agenda, so stop trying to change me.”

The pair simply stared at me for a second in shock. I had never actually told them how I was feeling before, and I had never blown up at them like this. My chest was heaving as I took in deep breaths. The anger pulsed dully in my veins.

“Well Remus, I guess we’ll just leave you be then,” Sirius said finally. “Sorry for disturbing you, we didn’t know you enjoyed being alone all the time. You always looked so sad and lonely and we were trying to help. You have to know that you’ve got it all wrong. We don’t think or want any of the things you said.”

“Just leave me alone alright?” I glared, gritting me teeth. So they thought I would believe their lies now too? How rich. I was nobody’s fool.

“Alright, but if you ever need anything or want to have friends or something, you know we’ll always be there,” James replied hesitantly before he and Sirius turned and walked away.

I watched them leave with a sense of satisfaction before it rapidly dissolved into a pit of guilt. My anger had subsided and I was left feeling deflated. I had really lost my temper there. They were just being nice, and yet again I pushed them away. What was wrong with me? I sighed deeply and made my way back to Gryffindor Tower.

On the way I was intercepted by McGonagall, who so kindly reminded me that I had a date with my other half tonight. I had completely forgotten that it was full moon again. Maybe that had something to do with my behaviour. I laughed bitterly to myself at that thought. No, I couldn’t blame some other force on my blow-up. That was entirely my fault and now I would pay the consequences. I quickly promised McGonagall that I would meet her at the usual spot before continuing on my way.

When I got the dorm, I flung my bag on my bed and lay down for a moment closing my eyes. Everyone was at dinner so I didn’t have to fear anyone seeing me. I breathed in and out for a few moments, trying not to think and just concentrated on the breathing. It was a good exercise to calm me down.

After a few minutes of this I sat up and reached into my beside table drawer. I pulled out an old Muggle CD player and popped in one of the newer CDs I had. It was quickly becoming one of my favourites. For a Muggle invention, CD players were amazing. I loved listening to music; it was very influential to my mood. I pressed Play and skipped to my favourite track. It was a mix between rap and good old acoustic guitar. I leaned back against my pillow as the more mellow lyrics started.

Life's not what you take
It's not about the promises you make
It's not about the friends you might've made
Or love that is gone

Life is what you give
It's not about the stupid things you did
It's not about the way things could've been
It's about movin' on

It's all about you
So every morning when wake, before the first step that you take
Just think it's all what you make it
And you'll make it through

Then the actual rapping began.

This life will leave you stressed out, left out with your neck out, ain't nothing changed
It's real life so we deal right but it feels like it's something strange.
We wonderin' the dumbest things, and let everything get under our skin
Trouble again, tryin' to impress somebody else. It's stupid in the head.
So do you, you'll never make everyone happy. It just won't happen.
At the end of day, when all say is said, you better be ready to go back at ‘em.
I learn slow, my verse shows my growth, my wisdom.
If you positive, or you negative, it don't make a difference not when you live it.
‘Cause some of the most successful people on this planet
Will kill themselves for somebody else's like they really couldn’t manage.
Then we got bums, alcoholics on the streets
With no stress, nowhere to rest, nowhere to dress, nowhere to sleep.
And they say forget my morals. I'm drinkin' away my sorrows.
I'm livin' life and I'm happy, I ain't thinking about tomorrow.

It's all about you
So every morning when wake, before the first step that you take
Just think it's all what you make it
And you'll make it through

Life is what it brings
It's not about cars and fancy things
Or hair salons and diamond rings
Girls don't lose no sleep

Life is all about the things you'll never figure out
It's all about the people you allow in and the memories that you keep

This here is life so tell me who chooses what’s wrong and right.
Is it what we see on TV? Get a job, raise a family.
That's how I was raised, how I was brought up
Get a wife, a son and daughter.
That's how I was taught to be proper.
Never thought anyone could get caught up.
And slowly I get up and the fairytale quickly vanished.
Realized that life sucks, you gotta be able to stand it.
And you gotta be able to handle it, this stress and the pressure, you channel it..
And you learn to cope at the end of your rope anyway that you can with liquor or dope.
It's your life. Just make sure you know what you want when you go out and get it
Keep doing this stuff for you, not your crew or the dude you're tryin’ to impress, kid.
Life is simple, life is hard and yeah life is fun
So enjoy the things around you before your life is done.

It's all about you
So every morning when wake, before the first step that you take
Just think it's all what you make it
And you'll make it through

I really liked the lyrics of the song and I wished I could live by them. I wished I could just live my life and not care about what other thought or said. I wished I could let people into my life and open up. But I was not like the Muggles that sang the song, or even like the normal wizards. I was an anomaly in life.

As I lay there my head drifted off into the past. Thinking of the reasons why I couldn’t trust people and let them into my life. I had been so stupid and trusting and I almost lost everything...

I shut the music off and got up, stretching. Time to go down for yet another night of lonely solitude, I thought dryly. Being a werewolf really sucks you know.



“Prongs maybe we really should just leave Remus alone,” I told him as we walked away from him.

“Nah Padfoot, we can’t give up. He needs us,” James answered, but his mouth was turned down in a disappointed line.

“Why do we keep bugging him then? If he needs us so much, why did he blow up at us?”

“Because we’ve been too pushy. We have to make him want to be our friend. Seriously Padfoot, he looks so lonely and miserable. It can’t be good for the guy,” he said.

“Fine, but we really need to back off for a while,” I agreed.

James and I (Sirius if you didn’t know) had noticed that Remus had seemed really lonely lately. He would never say anything and he always said that he was fine and he had everything he needed, but we would catch him staring out the window wistfully in a way that made us think that maybe he really was lonely and was just too stubborn to say anything.

So we had made it our plan to try and convince him that we could be his best friends and show him that he really didn’t have to live by himself. Our plan obviously wasn’t that brilliant though because no matter what we did he always just pushed us away and said he didn’t want to. He never went into details about anything and he always stayed borderline polite, but come on, even we could tell that something was up.

And now he was mad at us for not leaving him alone. I heaved a sigh. Nothing was ever easy when it came to helping someone else. Sometimes I would wonder if it was even worth the effort to try and help him. He was stubbornly against it. But James wouldn’t take no for an answer. That kid always had to have his own way and could never understand why hen it didn’t happen. So we kept on going, even though he pretty much hated us now. At least before we had been somewhat friends. But all our pushing had made him snap.

“Don’t worry, he’ll come around sometime,” James said reassuringly, though it was probably most likely to himself than to me.

Sure, I thought sarcastically to myself. Maybe when chickens fly and werewolves start going to school.



A/N: I apologize for the lateness of this chapter, I had misplaced it on my computer and I found it finally! The song is All About You by Classified ft. Chad Hatcher and it's one of my favourite songs even though it's basically a rap song. The lyrics are powerful though I had to change some of the words because profanities aren't allowed in the fics. Hopefully you liked this chapter!

--x Lauren