The best way to annoy Voldemort is: give him love without fear.

I got your nose! I got your nose!

. . . . wait! You don't have a nose!


So! I hear we're not having the annual Harry Potter day party this year! What's up with that?

Eat slugs, Voldemort!

My wife was going to name our kid after you! But it was a boy and I wanted a more "masculine" name

Remember when Voldy tried to kill Potter for the THIRD time? HA HA HA!

God, this place is funny!! i mean, the things people came up with...really!! ok, here's my suggestions:

1) sing the Happy Song from Rugrats, by the Dummy Bears

2) (If you're a Death Eater) you should be called (suggest something) really girly instead of 'death eaters'...like Fluer au Pink or something and instead of the Dark Mark, produce a Pink Flower in the sky, which'll have glitters around it...

3) And tell him that -- 'OMG! like that black robes are sooooo yesterday...i mean, you oughtta wear something more like, wayyy today!! like how about this! (pick up something purply or pink and which smells like Freesia or Hugo Red)....

MOD EDIT: No netspeak please. It;s 'sth' for 'something' and it's been edited.

The next time he has a birthday, ask him how old he is. Then, when he tells you, pretend to be shocked and say, "Gosh, I thought you were older than that."

Hang fuzzy dice around his neck

Fuzzy, PINK dice

Get a retarded monkey and dress him in black robes. Call him, "Lord Monkeymort"

"Aren't you a little tall to have a Napoleon complex?"

Long Live Weasel King-- you came up with the best ones yet, really!! they are downright funny! here's some more of mine:

* Take a buzzer with you to a meeting and every time he talks, press it.. so his speech sounds like - 'We are going to BLAA Harry Potter and I, Lord BLAA am going to rule the BLAA...and my dear hardworking BLAA- Eaters are going to live in BLAA too.'

* Interrupt him suddenly by starting to cry...start talking about people dying (try imitating Mrs. Weasley) and then when he starts to explain that you are being ridiculous, over-talk him by continuing...and DONT forget to take out a hanky and blow your nose with a sound like Peeves blowing a raspberry every time he talks...

* And when you finally stop moping, open the hanky casually and touch his shoulders with the hanky, making sure that he thinks you're snot is all over his robes....

* Move very close to his face and stare romantically...look into his eyes and everything and very slowly and tenderly say, 'Oh you're ugly, arent you?'

* (Say this quite often) -- 'Purlease!! what are you wearing?? i mean, black robes?? buy something atleast, half-fashionable...i mean, look at Dumbledore..that guy knows style...black robes, i ask you...learn from Dumbldore, tommy.' (Although all suggestions are to lead to death, this one in particular may result in immediate death, i.e either by strangling, punching or even pure loathing may bring death in this case..Voldemort might not even take the time to take up his wand and utter an incantation, rather than just using his hands)

lol Thanks

If Voldemort is happy about something say, "I heard Harry beat Slytherin in Quidditch again!"

If Voldemort is sad say, "It's all right," pat pat, "At least Harry didn't get away again!"

If Voldemort is angry at you, "Ohhh my! You're sooo scary! Is that the look you were going for? Have you thought about a more frightening name? 'Voldemort' just doesn't do it for me."

Singing "Dumbledore is the King" to him.

Sorry LLtWK! it's nothing to do with you personally.

lol, muggleview

Has anyone seen my pen? I need to write this down. What was that again . . .? Oh, right. 'Voldemort says he's going to kill Harry Potter.' Yes, I just wanted to get that down. I wasn't sure . . . because you keep letting him get away.

Give him a donut.

Then take it away

If he demands it back, lick it all over, throw it at his feet, stomp on it, then hand it to him.

Pick his nose. Yes, his nose. With your finger.

Alternately, use his finger to pick your nose.

117. walk into a death eater meeting with a cooler labled 'harry potter's head'
118. Drum on every available surfus(<-- )
119. get some of those sploch papers and repeatadly challange him to 'see the magic picture'
120. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places
121. Tape 'sweatn' to the oldies' over the climactic parts of all his movies
123. Learn morse code and only speak to him in it. "beeeep bip bip beeee..."
124. try to see just how slowly you can make a croaking noise
125. Embrioder FBI in big yellow letters on the left breast pocket of all the death eater robes
OR
126. jump out of shadows at him, pull out a driver's licence and yell "FBI! Frezze, Mister!"
129. Suggest he start smaller, like by trying to kill, say, neville, or ron, then try to work his way up to harry
128. Give a play-by-play of his every action in a nasaly harry carey voice

i might've already done the last one. ah, well... then ones you all are coming up with are really good! LMAO!!! lord monkeymort! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!i also really like "When he unveils his master plot start giggling uncontrolably, excuse yourself from the room and laugh loud and long just outside the door." that's just hillarious.

129. Suggest he start smaller, like by trying to kill, say, neville, or ron, then try to work his way up to harry

ROFLOL! That one got me good! (wish I woulda thought of it! )

Next summer after school term is out, come to all the Death Eater meetings late, in shorts and a bermuda shirt wearing sunglasses and flipflops, drinking tropical drinks out of a coconut shell with a little pink umbrella.

When he finially gets fed up with your behavior and asks what you think you are doing, ask, "What? Harry's on break! Don't we get one too?"

When he makes you continue plotting go on strike and form a one man picketline outside his bedroom window with a sign that says, "Voldemort's a cracker!"

Seranwrap all his toilet seats.

Steal all the toiletpaper out of the bathrooms

Transfigure all his shoes into rollerskates.

Actually, transfigure his shoes into rollerskates while he's wearing them!

Everytime he hands you something, snatch it out of his hand, look around furtively, and run from the room clutching it to your chest.

Heh, that's all right! It's quality, not quantity, that matters! lol 130 startled a laugh out of me with that "hee, hee, hoo, that slays me!" part! lol


Make up new lyrics to "Three little monkeys, jumpin on a bed" and sing them at Death Eater Meetings:
Three little Potters, sleeping and abed! Voldemort tried to kill em' but killed himself instead!

Bring a bag of Lays potatochips to meetings and search for unbroken chips while he tries to talk. (There's usually about three per bag. (the Lays bag was scientifically engineered to be loud and particularly annoying when rustled))

When you are done eating the chips, blow the bag up and pop it. (It was also engineered specifically to make the loudest pop of all chip bags.)

After the meeting, try to shake his hand, and don't take no for an answer! (Your hands should be coated with grease to the elbow by this time!)

At the next Death Eater meeting, every time he glares at you, wink and blow him kisses.

Hey guys - great to see all the ideas, almost had a heart attack laughing at some of LLtWK's (especially sit and blow him kisses!!)

ok, a couple more..

* The next time voldy callls a death eater meeting, turn up eating a piece of toast with coffe in the other hand and ask him is "this couldn't wait till after breakfast"

* Everytime he comes up with a new plan, look up and say "Yeah - and look what happend the last time you tried that!!"

LOL!

Those were great!

Hmm . . . drawing a blank now. Still laughing about the toast! (For some reason toast is funny)

Walk around with your eyes downcast as if in thought. Everytime you get near Voldemort, jump in surprise and clutch your chest.

Tell him you'd let your ten year old sleep over at Michael Jackson's before you'd even introduce him to Voldemort

When he's punishing one of your fellow Death Eaters, slurp loudly from a nearly empty cup of soda, crunch huge mouthfuls of popcorn, and spray bits of it all over the place laughing whenever Voldy gets especially upset.

lmao!

You guys are hilarious...I'll add one...

- When Voldemort comes home from one of his "dastardly plans" run up to him, fling your arms around him, and start sobbing hysterically, saying how much you missed him and how horrible it's been. Then start hiccuping obnoxiously and blowing your nose in his robes. And when he gets angry, start sobbing hysterically all over again.

To annoy Voldie, I think I'd just have to be in his presence.

But in any other case, stare at him really hard for a long time, with a very thoughtful expression. When he finally snaps, shouting, "WHAT?!" just be like, "Hey, haven't I seen you before? Oh, I know! It was the June edition of Playgirl, right? Great centerfold."

Answer him only using lines from Robert Dinero movies. "You talkin to me? I don't see anyone else standin here! You must be talkin to me!" "I created the circle of trust! I say who's in it and who's not!" "Is there something you'd like to share with us? Is there some hidden skeleton in your closet you'd like to reveal?" "I'm watching you!"

When you see him on the street, grab the nearest passerby and say, "Look! The circus is in town!"

Ask him how his great evil masterplan is going.

Create a clone of him one-eighth his size and name it "Minnie-V"

Make fun of how he has a lisp when he talks to that over grown earth worm.

And ask him how he milked a snake...

The next time you're in a battle with the Order, do nothing but pull down your britches and point your bottom at Lupin, shouting "Full moon! Full moon!"

Alternately, if you're Lupin, use this as an opportunity to turn into a werewolf.

That would annoy V just because it actually worked.

At this point, if you're the Death Eater, run and hide behind Voldemort shouting, "I was just kidding! Eat him!" and give V a good shove.

If you're Lupin, take this opportunity to bite Voldemort in a most annoying place.

OR

Just wait until he's using the toilet and vanish all the toiletpaper.

Do great, evil Dark Lords on their second body use the toilet? (You might also ask him that question at any time at all.)

Point out that he is a half-blood......at every possible moment

And then point and go 'half-blood, half-blood ner ner ner ner ner'

and then laugh loud and long, while still pointing of course




did that sound lame?

Cough like Umbridge, "Hem, Hem" whenever he is talking to Nagini.

Conjure a chinese finger trap on both of his fingers.

Wear your pajamas to a Death Eater Meeting. Then pass out party favors. Give him pictures of Barney, then begin a rowdy chorus of the theme song.

We are assuming that he wouldn't kill us if we did these things?

Ummm. Stick a Mandrake in his ear? Oh wait. That would kill him! Oh. Brilliant! I should go tell Harry! . Hahahaha! Everyone has written the funniest things! What a great thread!

On Halloween dress up as a bright pink bunny and ask Voldemort what he is dressed up as!!!

*dies with laughter*

oh my gosh these are all just too funny!! You guys are pure genius!

I have one:

- "I would be afraid... but, hell, you got defeated by a baby!" *laughs in Voldys face*

id slap him
yeah but then id problay die lol

i havent posted here for a long time... but i got a new one!

132. whenever he askes you a question, answer; 'yes. no. maybe. I DONT KNOW!!!!' then continue with the rest of the song. (in case you dont know the words.)

In my most annoying whinning voice answer all direct orders with, "But I don't want to!" and hang my head. Then throw things around the room shouting that he a terrible tyrant and mean and a poopy head. Then I would stomp around and slam doors.


Hey...It worked for me with my parents!

i actually thought of one! whenever he's about to preform the aveda kedavra curse, shake your finger at him and say in a southern accent
"y'all play nice now"

Expanding thread a bit. Thanks Dana

Best way to annoy Umbridge:

* request to use her detention quill in class cos it tickles and you think it's funny

* wear a t-shirt saying 'Voldemorts Baaack!'

* when she speaks to you, always answer with 'eh...em'

* walk around with two halves of a coconut shell tied to the sole of your shoes. (clip clop..) *snigger*

I'd say...
Jump up and down in front of him, dodging his curses and shouting "hahahahahaha YOU SUCK!" every two minutes in a really whiny voice.

Give him a trial membership to a tanning salon and saying, "Dude. You need some colour 'cuz you ugggly".

Then stand turn around jumping up and down signing, "U-G-L-Y, You ain't got no alibi. You ugly, ya ya, you ugly!"

..tell him what happens in Book 7...

..Ask him if he trust snape, and if he says yes, walk away and mutter "meh - its your funeral"

...ask him if he washed behind his ears this morning like a good little wizard

Razzberry, that was funny, 'Voldemorts baaack!'

Phone Voldemort and pretend to be telesales, in a really bad Glasweigan accent. (ps, no offence to people from glasgow)

'Ah, Hello! aye, yeah, it's Space Kitchens Mr Mort, are you happy with your currant Kitchen? what about a consevatory?' Man those people are so bugging, then again, money's money!

Knock on his door and yell out 'Jesus loves you! No one else does though....except maybe malfoy....yeah...he Likes you, wink wink, nudge nudge.'

Convince Umbridge that she would make a great Deatheater and that everyone in Voldemort's camp would love to hear her opinion on everything. Then convince her that she has been appointed High Inquisitor of the Deatheaters

SPOILER
Voldemort: Now that Dumbledore's out of the way we'll...
Umbridge: Hem, hem.

Instruct Umbridge that she is to teach Voldemort and the Deatheaters a class called Effective Use of the Dark Arts.

Umbridge: Everyone put your wands away and take out your Magical Theory of Curses and Jinxes books...

Tell Lockhart that the memory he lost was about his life as a Deatheater, and he is actually the most famous dark wizard in the world, then send him over to Voldemort to resume the position that Voldemort held for him while he was away.

Give all the DEs love potions that will make them fall for muggles.

The new defense against the dark arts teacher asked the students what is known to them about "you know who"

Hermione said : " he's the most dangerous dark wizard in the world !! "

Ron said : " please don't mention him !"

Harry said " LOL? he's just a stupid NOOB ! "

1."No, HE'S 'the-one-who-let-him-live.' I'm not.
2.Tell him,every time he finishes a sentance,"and how does that make you feel."
3.Sing 'If you're happy and you know it' out loud.
4.Give him the 'sunshine bear' carebear for his b-day.
5.give him the 'luck bear' carebear and say "this might help you kill potter.
6.make him play candy land with you.
7.make an appointment with the eye doctor for those scarlet eyes of his with out telling him you made an appointment and used his master card.
8.start a rumor that bellatrix lesrtange is dating him.
9.make him do the electric slide.
10.tell him "wanna go out sometime" and then say"sike!"
11.do the Macarenia in front of him
12.buy a bag of cheeto's and if he asks for one,lick it and say "here you go!"in a loving mother voice.
13.go into his room while he sleeps,and get a tatoo of harry's face and stick it on his forhead.then write by it with magic marker:'harry is my dream guy'so when he wakes up,all the death eaters will laugh there heads off!!!!

1- The best way to annoy Voldemort is to tell him you love him and will always love him over and over again. Owned please?

2- Ask him if he wants fries with that whenever he finishes a sentence

3- Ask him why he wants to control the world and if makes him feel special

4- Tell him he's cute (h)

5- Ask him if he's always so grumpy or if he woke up on the wrong side of the bed

6- Tell him hes a loner

... tell him the dark arts are sooo last summer..

... tell him you think him and Harry should go on Jerry Springer, and finally sort it out..

...

Just after being defeated by baby-Harry... Dumbledore
should have come out from behind the sofa and yelled:

"Ha-HA!... /\/00/3!"

x3

perma-stick stuff to the back of his clothes when hes not looking

Please check out the rules here. One-liners are not allowed on the vtm forum.

...get Rita Skeeter to interview him...

..make him sit through one of Prof. Binns History of Magic classes..

..give him a small kitten and tell him you think it'd do more for his image..

..if he gives you a command, answer with "aww come on - just one more post and i'll be done.."

Call him Voldie repetitively. Ask where he got his clothes, and if they were on sale. Tell him just how many times he has failed to murder Harry. Give him undeniable proof that Neville is the right one to choose from the prophecy and he has been wasting his time on Harry.

Keep calling him Junior and telling him how much he resembles his charming muggle father Tom, though I don't know how far you'd get. A few "yo mama" jokes would probably annoy/infuriate the heck out of him.

MOD EDIT : Cuss word spotted. If you haven't read the rules, please do so - swearing is not allowed. Please word your posts more carefully in the future. I have replaced the cuss word.

And as Hallia has pointed out, double posting is not permitted either. If you want to add/edit something, please use the "Edit" button at the top right of your post. Your second post has been deleted, it said:


1.Take him to Victoria's Secret semi-annual sale and say, "I was thinking about something black and lacy, 36A right?"

2.Sign him up for a Real World casting call and audition yourself and constantly mock him and say how lame he is in the confessional.

3. Everytime he mentions Harry, mutter "pedophile".

4.Make him watch "Friends" re-runs and say, "too bad you don't have any."

5. Everytime he fails in his attempts to kill Harry, bring a tub of ice cream, chocolate and sleeping bags and watch Lifetime movies and tell him it's okay to let it all out and pass the tissue box.

6.Take him to a frat party get him wasted and talk about the wild, crazy night he, you, Narcissa and Bellatrix had last night... and say, "Wow, that was hot sisters!", but sorry to bust your bubble I overhear them saying you weren't all that great. And you add, "I bet Harry would have been better, I mean he keeps beating you at everything else."

7.Sign him up for American Idol auditions.

8.Make him volunteer at an old age him shouting out bingo numbers and leading arts & crafts. Routinely insult his crafts.

9. Buy him a tea-cup poodle and get them both matching accessories. A Paris Hilton catch-phrase shirt would come in here nicely, "That's hot" or "Blondes tease, brunettes please" would be great, all glittery and skin tight.


10. Make him appear on Oprah and Doctor Phil.

11. Contact Starr magazine and spread dirty rumours about his love life.

12.Make Friday night movie night and choose, sappy melodramtic films, start with Titanic.

13. Host tea parties and gossip about him while he's in the room.

Make up a 'Death Eater/Pureblood' fight song and sing it at meetings.

Teach his death eaters "Limp Ninja Time" song.

omg!!!! LMFAO at all of yours, potterenthusiest!!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

... tell him you think him and Harry should go on Jerry Springer, and finally sort it out..
BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAHAHAHA!!! my, god! that's one of the besst ones yet!

133. sign him and you up to opraha's book club and say "it'll be so much fun to do together!"

Please check out the rules here. The use excessive characters (Bahahahaaahahahaahaahhaa) is not allowed on the vtm forum, thank-you Shane.

Now really avrilluver, you've been here long enough, you should know better. It's no excuse. You'd best not pull something like that again.