Tell us all how you would annoy voldemort...

The best way to annoy voldemort is...

- point and laugh everytime he curses someone

- ask him what stories his mommy used to tell him as a child

Personally... I wuld quote Harry's poems from Mockeries of the Dark Lord as seen in the fic Nekkid Quidditch Match.

- Send him Muggle coupons and junk mail via owls.

heh heh heh....You know, I came across a game like this once before and it was absolutely hysterical...wish I could remember where now...think it might have been either Mugglenet or possibly Immeritus....

Anyway...

I'm afraid I'm not as creative as some of the people posting wherever it was I saw that thread so I'll just say..er....keep calling him Tommy and tell him he's the spitting image of his Daddy...

Where's that fic listed then? Looks a good laugh.....

" What was that mum? Ah, sure, comming!"

LMAO!!! Aw, Lupin, that was great!! **wipes tears away** Best laugh I've had in ages!! **chuckles**

I'd definitely recommend that one...heh heh heh.....

Reciting the poems whilst wearing a Moldimort robe....now *that* would definitely tick him off...heh heh heh....

The next time Voldemort has a party, come dressed as Harry Potter and ramble off all Voldemort's failed attempts to kill Harry.

Okay. That was dumb.

sing the song that never ends (this is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was...and so on) while using your super stealth moves to dodge his curses.

number one: Give Voldemort undeniable proof that Dumbledore is his father.

Number two: Become friends with Voldy and then suggest that he forgets about the whole taking over the world thing as it all just seems a bit evil (in a very 'well i'm sure you didn't know' kind of way) and then break the news to him that your actually a muggle.

Although both of these methods couldn't be recommended though, as they would probably result in your death.

Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'

Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.

Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.

'Imperius' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful'

Offer to wax his legs because it will make him more aero-dynamic when dueling with Harry. And then wax them extra slow and in the wrong direction on purpose.

Ooh, such vindictive cruelty!!! I like....**grins evily** We really need a devil icon here.....

**makes note to ask Matthew about that**

If your a Death Eater:

You can bring a guitar, start strumming and singing "Kumbaya" during the next meeting.

Bring headphones that covers the whole ear, play your music in the loudest volume, bang your head into the music or play an air guitar, all in the next meeting.

Instead of the Dark Mark, you can cast a big peace sign up into the sky instead.

Reccommend a psychiatrist who can specialize in (and raise up and bend two fingers to represent quotes as you're saying this) "yearningfordomination" complexes.

Say that him and Pettigrew would make a "totally awesome, sweet, and cute couple". (*gags* lol)

Have a valley girlish kind of voice and say, "Like OH MY GOD! Like, I totally can't believe, like, Jennifer and Brad broke uuup!!" (or whatever celebrity rumors, just make sure you say it in that kind of voice).

Constantly try to be like a mother. For example, "Oh Voldiekinns, you have a smudge on the side of your mouth!" *licks finger and rubs it on his face*

Insist that Spongebob, Barney, and the Teletubbies would be the key to his domination.

Ask him after he reveals his next plan for Harry's demise, "Are you sure you're not doing this just for attention?"

playing the Goofy Goober song repeatedly to him would probably annoy him.


Do you think he likes his feet being tickled?

the best way to annoy voldemort is to just laugh and mimic him all the time if you ask me.

MOD Edit: No netspeak please. Your post has been edited.

swirlctw

1) Tell him that he is just a figment of a Muggle's imagination

2) Make new Death Eater robes that are pink and frilly. When he asks why tell him 'Because the old robes were so Last war"

3) Ask him why he keeps losing all these battles and doesn't even come out with a cool scar

4) Take him to an amusement park. Give him cotten candy. Lots of cotten candy. Get him on the biggest, fastest, scariest roller coaster in the park. Get away from the roller coaster.

5) Ask him how he can take over the world if he can't even kill a werid looking teenage boy (Harry) or an old man (Dumbledore)

Another good point taks - all those wars and no cool scars as yet..

I'd have to say the best way to annoy Voldemort would be:

- At the next Death eater meeting ask him why he can never kill Harry Potter.

- Tell him it is worthless to come up with more ways to kill Harry because Harry is a better wizard then him.

- Try and convinve him that it would be way better to join the good side because it is really mean to be evil.

- Tell him that if he doesn't quit you are going to have JKR kill him ( after all he is a fictional character. )

- Tell him he has fought in so many wars and he has no cool scar (unlike Harry who got his when he wasn't even old enough to fight. )

Repeat everything he says in an effeminate voice with a terrible lithp.
When he threatens you with torture, turn around, stick out your rear end, squeal, and shout, "Oh yethp! Thpank me haarrd, Daddy!"

i've got a TON but people have already said some. i'll put them all up anyway, i keep mine in a documet
1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'

2. Laugh at him.

3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'

4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.

5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.

6. Smile during Death-Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.

7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.

8. Dance the Funky Chicken.

9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.

10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.

11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.

12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.

13. Call him 'The-man-who-let-the-boy-live'

14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'

15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.

16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.

17. Be cheerful.

18. When he tries to impress you with his powers say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'

19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.

20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'

21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'

22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? Whats that, a washing detergent?'

23. Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.

24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.

25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there....

26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?

27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.

28. 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?'

29. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.

30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.

31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.

32. Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, o dark one' whenever he starts to talk of what has caused to become who he is.

33. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'

34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.

35. Mock his choice of Quirrel as a 'host'.

36. Tell you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways'

37. Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.

38. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you 'thought you were helping!'

39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.

40. Buy him a stress ball.

41. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.

42. Call him Tommy-boy.

43. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.

44. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.

45. Say he 'looked better under the turban'

46. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.

47. Endeavour to teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.

48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.

49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.

50. 'Imperius' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful'

51. Shower him with confetti and rice, anytime you think he needs to make a 'grand entry'.

52. Paint all the Death-Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.

53. Throw him a 'care-bears' themed birthday party.

54. Tell him what Snape's really up to.

55. Politely exclaim now and again that you 'don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles'

56. Sing 'California Dreamin' at the top of your lungs when he's trying to have an 'evil moment'

57. Should you ever be eating with him - drum tunes with your cutlery, play with your food and blow bubbles in your chocolate milk.

58. Ask him to dance a polka with you.

59. Work cutesy phrases like 'pushing-up-daisies' and 'smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom' into conversation as much as possible.

60. Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?'

61. Get him to play 'Twister' with you.

62. Tell him you know this great therapist in London....

63. Throw tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.

64. Tell him you've met plently of people more evil than he.

65. Hide his teddy bear. That ALWAYS makes him cry.

66. Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.

67. Steal, snap and bury his wand.

68. Tell him Lucius did it.

69. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.

70. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.

71. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.

72. Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause'

73. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling'

74. Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son.

75. When he's done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do you really think Salazar would have approved of that?'

76. Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of 'that sweet, innocent, cute little boy.'

77. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.

78. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."

79. Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy'

80. Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Emphasis on Riddle.

81. Do not EVER act in the slightest way intimidated by him. Treat him as you would an eccentric aquaintance.

82. Cuddle him at random moments.

83. Sign him up for Little-League.

84. Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.

85. Throw biscuits at him. Constantly.

86. Tell him you think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girlie'

87. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world.

88. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter or Dumbledore.

89. Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice.

90. Mimic everything he does with exaggerated limb-movements.

91. Write sonnets for him.

92. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.

93. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.

94. Tell people he's 'really just a big softie'

95. Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildy depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak'.

96. Mock his baldness.

97. Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (Ie: another of his attempted 'evil moments')

98. Get him drunk.

99. Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revels and start playing 'Kumbayah'

100. Let him catch you trying on Death-Eater robes.

101. Be Harry Potter. Be alive.

102. As he's plotting dark deeds, pretend to cough and mutter things like "Not gonna work," or "stupid."

103. Call him "Champ" or "Tiger." Refer to yourself as "Coach."

I've got some more:

- At the next DE meeting sit there an d sing peace songs

- Offer him yoga lessons so that he will not be so evil

- Tell him to go talk to a theripist about his problems.

- Keep asking him why he was in Slytherin if only one of his parenst was magical.

I am so sorry avrilluver, I didn't know that it was one of yours. I didn't bother to read your entire post because it had 103 reasons. Also the ones i did read were all repeats, so if you repeated some is there a reason that i can't?

1.Stare at him throughout a Death Eater meeting, then when he asks why, tell him you just noticed "You look like a snake"

2.Replace his wand with one of Fred and George's fake ones

3.Call in the Queer Eye guys to "do a makeover"

Krete i love your idea of replacing his wand Fred and Georges fake wands.

Thankee

4.Call in Umbridge.

5.Marry him, divorce him, take the house.

6.Tape him, and send it on America's Funniest Home Videos(Yes, I know his British, work with me here!)

if any of these were said, sorry, but avrilluver posted a whole long list that i just cant read the whole thing through at the moment

-poke him like he's the pillsbury doughboy

if he's ticklish, poke him non-stop

if he's not ticklish......poke him non-stop anyway

-sign him up for yoga lessons and force him to go

-....forget the last one, sign him up for ballet lessons and force him to go

-make fun of his middle name (marvolo...come on...thats not an evil name!!!)

-make an appointment for him to get a manicure and go with him. while the lady is painting his nails, make sure to comment about how abnormally long and skinny his fingers are. make sure he gets pink shimmery nail polish with a flower/heart/smiley decal

really good Krete! lmao!!!i especilay liked #'s 3, 5, and 6 HAHAHAHAHA!! Queer Eye make over! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! i really like GobletofFire's last one! Smiley-face decals! LOLOLOLOL!! i also have a better version of your second to last one:

I have some new ones

- Tell himover and over again that you have someone who is dying to meet him.

- Tell him that if he wore pink it would really bring out his eyes.

- Tell him that if he became a little nicer he could actually get a girlfriend.

Laugh at him as he plots to kill Harry Potter (again) and then say "Oh...I thought you were kidding."

Trick the lord into giving his house elf’s clothes, then when you’re in a meeting with the other death eaters shout over the table to the crowd:
“Vodie did a Malfoy and lost himself a house elf too” (it’ll annoy Malfoy as well as Voldemort)

Quote him as “The-One-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live”

Ask him if he really is ‘that’ stupid to not know what Snape is up too.

I.S

i just got a copple new ones!
104. take him to a karriokee bar and force him to go up on stage and sing 'If I Was a Rich Girl' by Gwen Stifanie.

105. get Alecia Key's 'La La' stuck in his head. la la la, la la la la la, la la la, la la la la la.....

i know these are both music-y, but it's the mood i'm in.

Oh, I love these... Mind if I jump in?

Ask him is he's Michael Jackson after yet another plastic surgery mishap.

Tell him you just realized his name backwards spelled "Tromedlov"

Tell him you've got his nose and if he ever wants to see it again, he should send you a trillion galleons

haha! thankies magical proff! your maichal jackson one was so funny! hahahahaha!!

106. Play a CD of the Leave It To Beaver theam song when he's trying to have an 'evil moment'

107. Watch CSI with him and say that you think he could learn something form the criminals on there, evan though they always get caught.

108. Say "are you afraid of butterflys?" then clap in his face. Constantly.

109. While you are carrying out one of his plans, sing 'Mission Impossiable.'

110. Sarande him with the Mary Tyler Moree song, compleate with meow on the end, then get emotional about it and say he 'should really take it to heart.'

i know, still really musicy.

*Make him taste your food then ask him if it tastes funny to him too.
*Turn up late to a death eaters meeting, when asked why announce that you killed Harry potter single handily and that the hunt is off.
*Bring a priest to a death eater’s party and ask Voldemort to look after him whilst you go to the loo then never come back.
*Tell Voldemort you saw Lucius Malfoy carrying round a book called '1000 ways to kill a snake'...see his reaction.


Toni~

Okay now that my brain is turned on let me post my new ideas:

- Sneak into his house when he is sleeping and start singing him lullabies.

- Keep asking him why he turned evil.

- Tell him that you think Dumbledore would forgive him if he wanted to become good.

This is the most pointless post i've seen, but yet its so funny i just had to laugh. Props for the person who started this chain. lol I'd have to say...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Voldy, lets go on a vacation, hows cancun for ya? We can pick ourselves up some nice muchilas!" - A death eater.


----------------------------------------------------------------------


also, i like the idea of bringing a guitar to the next meeting and playing kumbya.... HAHA i laughed so hard when i read that.

i got another!

111. Insist he help you practice 'I Love Lucy' skits for your drama class.

draw a lightning bolt shape on his forehed when he's sleeping

and suggest a new symbol for his stupid lame dark mark. suggest thye lightning bolt

ha! yours are good oliverwoodrox! some of the better ones!

112. Buy him a speedo.

113. Ask him how to get to Sesame Street.


New One!

114. Take him to Chuckie Cheese, beat him at all the games, and make sure he only gets a paperclip for a prize. Then ditch him in the ball pit with little kids hitting him in the head with the balls.
OR
115. Take him to Chuckie Cheese, and win him huge stuffed animal, the cry when he blows it up with his wand.

hmmm, You could sing: The birdie song, complete with actions, also, I'm a little teapot, again complete with actions, and commands he does them too.

Sing 'we're off to see the wizard' except change Oz to summat else, maybe hogwarts.

Sing 'la Internationale' which is the communist/socialist athem...that's bound to bug him

Prod him in the arm...not so it hurts, just so it's annoying, and do in constantly.

Or...you could just kill him, i don't know about Ol' Voldie, but it would bug me.

Ygraine

ok some more completly random ones;

- ask him if he has a licence for his wand

- when he casts the dark mark, look up and say "aww.. isnt that pretty"
or "awww.. look, fireworks"

- ask him if he could quickly make you a fried breakfast because your sooo hungry

For those of you who have ever seen the Potter Puppet Pals " Trouble at Hogwarts" you could do what Ron does and go up to him an poke him while saying " bother "

MOD EDIT : Please do not double post. You've been here long enough, I'm sure you know the rules. Your second post has been deleted, this is what it said:

I have more:

- Offer him some moldiemort robes( in the fanfic at www.nodignity.com/freak/nqm/nqm1)

- Offer him a book of Mockeries of the Dark Lord ( also at that site)

- Tell him continuously you will lock him up in Azkaban

- Ask him if he has a twin brother who is nicer than him

When he's done using Cruciatus on you laugh and say, "Is that all you got?"

If he does it again tell him "It hurt worse when that Potter kid did it!" and laugh some more.

Put your finger an inch from his nose and say, "I'm not touching you!" over and over.

Give him a wedgie

Tell him he'd look much better with a tan.

Give him a Harry Potter calendar for his birthday

The next time he is plotting to kill Harry, tell him he should get professional help.

Then give him a list of phychiatrists.

Everytime he enters a room say, "Shhh! Here he comes!"

Ask him, "So wot we gonna do today, Brain?" (Quote from Pinkey and the Brain, not netspeak )

Buy him a woman's shift and tell him, "It suits your figure!"

Stand on your head at Death Eater meetings and demand to know why everyone is upside down. When he uses Cruiciatus Curse on you . . . refer to number 1

tell him to consider to waer eye contacts.

Say your the man! very time he speaks at a meeting.

tell him you will always be there if he needs help in a sweet voice.

say out loud DumDumDum! when he tells you his new evil plan.

Make him a birthday party witha Care Bear theme.

When he says a curse you say " Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

Put on classical music when he is trying to think than he'll say to turn it off but you respone by saying "it's good for the mind"

okay I know there are very dumb but thats all i could think of.

116(i think. havent posted here for a while). stare at him while smileing manicaly, then after several minutes, announce "I've got new socks on!"

Stamp your foot, pout, and squeal at him 'i wanna hand like wormtail! WHY CAN'T I HAVE A HAND LIKE WORMTAIL?!'


when going anywhere, keep asking 'are we there yet? are we there yet? OR
after every battle with Harry... 'is he dead yet? is he dead yet?

lol

When he unveils his master plot start giggling uncontrolably, excuse yourself from the room and laugh loud and long just outside the door.

Every time he talks at a meeting start talking louder about the weather

Wear a shirt that says "I LOVE Harry Potter!"

Wear a shirt that says "Voldemort is a pussycat!"

"He-who-must-not-be-named? Have you ever considered changing it back to Prince?"

Every morning bring him a cup of coffee and a donut with pink sprinkles and ask him while he's eating, "So! Have you killed that little kid yet?" (Note: The cup of coffee and donut may be unnecissary )