Preface

Darkness. Nothing but Darkness. The man wanted to be able to see. He couldn’t do anything about it.

Where was he going? Where had he started out? Why was he here, or going wherever he was supposed to go?

The man struggled with these questions as he moved quickly and cautiously through the nothingness.

He couldn’t feel anything. All senses except for taste and hearing had left him.

Normally, he was a strong man. He wasn’t afraid of anything. He could do just about anything too. But what was the difference now? He was terrified.

That was the difference. But how was the scenario different? It was dark, and he had no idea where he was. That had happened before. So why was he totally and utterly wanting to scream out for help?

Just as the man’s thoughts hit the bottom, the deepest, darkest, creepiest place it could go, he felt something.

Was it just his imagination? The man prayed not.

Something else was moving now. It was another quick draft that shifted his robes to fly up around him, covering his face.

The man let out a quick shriek. He allowed a small whine to escape. And then everything was still, and the man pulled his dark robes off of his face.

The man’s jaw dropped in sheer amazement. He saw something bright at the end of what looked like a tunnel. He reached out for it, he wanted to hold on to it, to grab it, to bring it to him. This was probably his only chance of finding his way.

Slowly, the man tripped and stumbled towards the light. And it grew closer and closer.

A little while later, the man was leaning against a door that had a window in it. The window poured light from every direction. Although there was little light shining in the dark room the man had just walked through, he could see nothing.

The door wouldn’t open. The man remained standing, lounging against the handle.

Suddenly, the door opened and the man fell backwards into the blindingly bright room. He stood up and looked around.

The sight of what the room held made the man gasp for air. More air than he needed when he first started running through the black room. More air than he would need if he were drowning. More air than he would need if he were in outer space.

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Chapter 1

Lucius Malfoy rolled over and hit his head hard on the night stand. He got up to put his robe on and then went downstairs. Lately, he had been having an odd feeling. It was a throbbing pain, like a headache, but it never went away.

Something had changed. To the extreme. Something had disturbed the great life Lucius was living.

But was his life really great? What had he done to make it great? Who did he have that made it great? Well, he had Narcissa, his wife. And he had Draco. Draco was a good son who pretty much always did what he was told. That’s how Lucius thought of him anyway.

In the kitchen, Draco waited for him. It was Easter holiday and Draco had come home from Hogwarts.

"Morning, Father,” Draco said plainly.

"Good morning, Draco,” Lucius replied.

Lucius sat down at the table and with a wave of his wand, a plate of eggs was laid gently down in front of him. Next, tea was being poured while the kettle was held by nothing but thin air and magic.

This is what Lucius loved about being a wizard. He could be as lazy as he wanted and still get work done.

Draco came and sat down next to his father. "Had a good night’s sleep?” Draco asked

“It was fine, thank you,” Lucius replied coolly.

There was a long silence before Draco started up again. "Well, we’ll need to be at the train station by 1:00. My train leaves at 1:30,” Draco said.

“That’s all fine.” Lucius stated absentmindedly.

“And we’ll need to pick up Crabbe and Goyle, if that’s alright. Their parents are both out this afternoon.”

"Okay.”

Draco waited a while, watching his father move his eggs around the plate.

“Is something wrong? Am I missing something?” Draco asked desperately.

“No Draco. Nothing is wrong. And you didn’t miss anything, for if you did, then I surely missed it too.”

Once again, it was silent. Draco got up and left. He went off to pack his trunk.

Lucius put his head in his hands. The robe’s sleeve fell down past his elbow. Lucius stared at his left arm.

The dark mark.

It was moving. It was moving ever so slightly.

But that was it. This is what had been bothering him.

The Dark Lord couldn’t possibly be back. He was gone, dead.

Amazing things can happen when you’re a wizard, Lucius thought.

He could indeed be back, but where were the facts? Where was the proof? Other than Lucius’ throbbing arm, there was nothing to say He-who-must-not-be-named was actually back.

Lucius found himself thinking back to the beginning of the school year. That’s when it had started hurting. That’s when the Triwizard champions were announced. That’s when Harry Potter became one of the Triwizard champions.

Harry Potter.

So it must be the Dark Lord. But Lucius didn’t want to believe it.

Even though Lucius was a top Death Eater, he was also very good at deceiving. The Dark Lord and other Death Eaters had no idea who was there because they wanted to be with Voldemort, who was there because they were afraid of Voldemort, and who was there as a spy.

But did the Dark Lord really not know? Lucius had to have given away some sort of hint or clue as to why he was actually there.

Did Lucius himself know? Of course, in the beginning, Lucius was there because he wanted to be in the presence of the Dark Lord. But as the years went on, Lucius wanted to back out more and more, making him terrified of leaving the Death Eaters and forcing him, even more strongly than the reason he joined up with the Dark Lord, to stay in his inner ring.
No one got out once you got in. Lucius had to accept that.

He gulped down the rest of his tea, put the plate, still full of eggs, next to the sink, and went to get dressed.

~ ~ ~

On Lucius’ way home from the train station, the beating of the Dark Mark grew stronger. A headache formed.

Lucius was so irritated. This had never been so bad before. When the Dark Lord was in full fledged power, all Lucius could feel from the Dark Mark was a faint beating, like feeling the beat of his heart.

But now it was pronounced. It was aggravating. It was as painful as being run over by a train. Lucius could do nothing to stop it.

He tried to think about his son. Draco should have some fun with the last dangerous task ahead. He had been saying all through the year how he couldn’t wait to see Harry Potter hurt.

Lucius smiled.

Then he thought about Narcissa. Was she feeling the same pain too? Was she hurting this badly?

Lucius was self absorbed and all, but in this moment, he felt for someone other than himself.
He wanted to make Narcissa feel better. He wanted to comfort her. But he didn’t want to look like a wuss. He’d have to find some other way to keep her well.

Suddenly, a throbbing pain burst from his arm. His head burst open in the force from the ache. The car swerved. Lucius nearly missed the cars in the next lane.

And just as suddenly as the outbreak of pain had come, it was gone.

He tried to clear his head. The pains were so bad. Voldemort had to be coming back even stronger. Was he coming back at all?

Was it just a sign that times were changing? Was it a sign that bad things were coming?
Was it all three?

~ ~ ~

Later that night, Narcissa cooked dinner. Or, in other words, she made the house elf do it.
Lucius sat at the table staring at her beautiful wife. Narcissa’s long hair flowed down the back of her purple silk robes.

Just like everyone else in their intermediate family, she had blonde hair.

“Umm…. Narcissa?” Lucius said quietly.

“Yes?”

“Have you been having pains lately? In your arm?”

Narcissa stopped what she was doing. She turned around. Her face was hysterical. But when she spoke, her voice was questioning.

“Pains? Like what?” She said.

“Like… pains in your left arm,” Lucius said.

Narcissa pursed her lips and squinted her eyes. Then her eyes got wide and she gasped. “Oh!”

“So have you? Been having pains?”

“No, not pains. But I have noticed it moving a few times. And the dark color is coming back to it.”

“Oh,” Lucius said quietly.

“Why? Are you?”

“Yes. Very bad bursts of it.”

“Well, I am more loyal than you are.”

“No, no. That’s not it.” Lucius tried to wave that thought off. He was not disloyal…. Was he?

“What is it then? Why would your arm be hurting and mine not?”

“It could mean many things.”

“Please! I would love to know!” Narcissa said dramatically. “You love the Dark Lord don’t you? You love him and you’re devoted to him and you’ll do anything for him! But that can’t be right! Do you know why? It’s because you flaunt your feelings. You show that you're afraid. You let everyone know. The Dark Lord can probably see it too. But then again, he has more important people to pay attention to. Such as Bella and I." Narcissa finished.

“Narcissa….” Lucius trailed off. “You know as well as I that I am loyal.”

And with a swift and quick movement of her wand, Narcissa had dinner on the table and that was that.

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Chapter 2

Lucius wanted to believe what he had said that night to Narcissa. But he just couldn’t believe that he was loyal. He wasn’t.

He never had been.

He just didn’t want to be on the losing side. He never lost. Lucius also didn’t want to be attacked. If he was going to fight, he was going to fight and win, not fight and die. That’s the true reason he had joined with the Death Eaters.

He didn’t want to lose.

It’s kind of silly now, Lucius thought. The Dark Lord would never know about Lucius if he hadn’t joined. And then he wouldn’t feel obligated to stay. Well, not so much obligated as he wanted to keep his life.

But there was still Narcissa. And Bellatrix. They both would have joined any way.

Draco wanted to join. Draco didn’t know that his father was terrified. Draco didn’t know how forceful Voldemort could be.

But Lucius just couldn’t be good. He was evil. Not in the evil villain, crazy mastermind kind of way, but just plain old cruel. He didn’t know how to be nice.

Someday, he would try though. He would have a day where he wasn’t mean and lazy and complaining about something. Maybe he’d even be helpful.

~ ~ ~

A few weeks later, the final task in the Triwizard tournament had arrived. Lucius went down to the school to watch with Draco and his friends (while of course sitting far enough away that no one would think he had anything to do with them except for being the father of Draco).

He sat in the stands and waited for the four champions came out. When they did, Lucius was pleased to see that Harry Potter once again was the smallest and seemingly weakest in the tournament. Like this task, Lucius had come to watch the other two tasks.

He saw every time the same thing: Harry Potter a little on edge, a little bit smaller and (in Lucius’ eyes) a bit more incapable. But Lucius had been proved wrong both times. Harry had completed both tasks and did outstanding against the horntail (though Lucius would never admit this out loud).

Harry, Harry, Harry. Everything was always about Harry, wasn’t it? Well Lucius wanted to see him fail for once. That’s why he came to the tournament, hoping to see him hurt himself or get into trouble. But that would never happen because Harry Potter was the greatest.

He never failed. He never got into trouble, although he should have a few times. But in Dumbledore’s eyes, Harry never did wrong. Harry was never evil or bad. Harry would never go bad.

That’s just the way things worked.

Lucius despised Harry for it.

Just then, Cedric Diggory and Harry Potter went into the maze and Lucius was brought back to his senses. He couldn’t wait till someone shot up red sparks.

An hour or so passed and no one had come out yet with the cup. Red sparks had been shot up and Fleur had been rescued. Lucius leaned back and rested.

Another shot of pain moved through him like lightening. This was the worst it had ever been. Nothing was as painful as this moment.

He carefully lifted his left sleeve through the pain to make sure that no one else could see the mark. The mark was black. Inky black. Blacker than the sky at night when there are no stars. The darkest black could get.

And it was moving. Not quickly or hurriedly. It moved slowly. And excitedly. Something was happening. Something that terrified Lucius.

The pain had not gone away in the twenty minutes that had passed. It had gotten worse.
Lucius dreaded the thing that he knew was true.

The Dark Lord had returned.

If Lucius did not leave to greet him, he would surely be punished. So Lucius got up and left quickly.

Once outside the stadium, Lucius concentrated hard on the Dark Lord. He had no idea where Voldemort was, but if he thought long enough about him, he would get there.

A minute or so later, Lucius was standing in the formation of a circle in a graveyard. Cedric Diggory was dead on the ground. Harry Potter was held up by the statue on someone’s grave.

Voldemort stand, with a body, in the middle of the ring.

“Ahh….” Voldemort said. “I have been gone for years, and yet here we stand, as if we were all here yesterday.

“But, I have to ask. If you all started to notice your marks returning, why didn’t you look for me?”

“But I returned! I returned to you master!” Wormtail said.

Peter Pettigrew cringed as the Dark Lord swept over to him.

“You only came back in fear, not loyalty,” At this point, Lucius had to swallow the lump in his throat. “But you have proved yourself useful these past few months.”

Voldemort waved his wand over where Wormtail’s right hand should have been. A silvery hand appeared.

“Thank you master! Thank you! Thank you!” Wormtail fell back from the circle to study his new hand.

“Lucius,” Voldemort began, and Lucius’ froze. “Someone told me that you have not taken up the old ways. Are you ready to take the lead in muggle-torture? But you never tried to find me. What you did at the Quidditch World Cup were fun but wouldn’t it have been better if you used your energy to find your master?”

“My Lord, I would have come if I knew where you were. I would have come if I knew you were back.”

“You ran from my Mark when a death eater put it in the sky last summer. I expect better from you in the future.”

“Of course, my Lord.”

Lucius was glad when Voldemort moved on to the next spot, where the Lestranges should have been, except for the fact that they were in Azkaban.

He couldn’t believe that the Dark Lord had actually noticed that Lucius was unfaithful. That meant he had to be more careful in coming times.

“Thirteen years ago, I disappeared. I was not dead, no. I was merely a soul that needed a home.

“Would you like me to tell you exactly how it all happened?

“I came to young Harry’s house on Halloween. He was only one year of age. He was to become my one equal, the one person to stand in my way. So I went to kill him. When I got to the house, James Potter tried to stop me. So I killed him.

“When I went upstairs, I found the boy, but who else was there? Lily Potter. She too tried to save poor little Harry. But she was more clever as to how she did it. She had so much love for Harry that she died to save him. And when I tried to kill Harry, I could not touch him. Instead, I was turned into something with no body, no organs.

“As I traveled through Albania, I found a companion. He was not as intelligent as everyone thought. He helped me try to take the sorcerer’s stone. And he died trying. I was once again thwarted by the great Harry Potter.

“In Harry’s second year at Hogwarts, I used little Ginny Weasley to open the Chamber of Secrets for me. I had Lucius give her my diary. Once Harry got inside the chamber to rescue the girl, he killed my basilisk and destroyed my younger me.

“This summer, I tried to get to Harry. I thought it wouldn’t be as hard to get him if he was away from Dumbledore, at the Quidditch World Cup.

“And now, here we are. Harry is trapped this time. He won’t be able to foil my plans.

Harry made some struggling noises from being ensnared by the statue.

Voldemort smiled at Harry. “Crucio!” Harry twitched and writhed and screamed.

Lucius used to like this kind of stuff. But this time, it just made Lucius gag. He turned away and all Lucius could hear for the rest of the night was the sound of Harry screaming.

~ ~ ~

Narcissa watched Lucius at the opposite end of the table.

“What’s wrong?” Narcissa smiled. “It’s not all the things the Dark Lord said to you, right? About you being unfaithful?”

“No,” Lucius replied.

“Okay. I’m sure it’s something else then…. Oh wait, I know! It’s the fact that the Dark Lord is back! Yes, I’m sure that’s it! It scares you.”

“No, I don’t think that’s it.”

“When are you going to admit to yourself that he terrifies you?”

“He doesn’t terrify me. I am loyal.”

Narcissa gave him a stern look and whisked the dishes off the table.

“You know what Lucius? If you keep telling your self that you’re faithful, you are going die. The Dark Lord will kill you. Keep that in mind next time you force yourself to think wrongly. The Dark Lord will punish you if you tell him you are not being faithful. But he will kill you if you lie to him.”

Narcissa moved her wand to get the house elf’s attention. The elf stumbled to get to her as fast as he could.

When the elf was washing the dishes, Narcissa said, “I’ll still love you if you don’t want to be a death eater,” and left the room.

Silence. Lucius was a strong man. He portrayed that side and that side only to everyone but his wife and himself. Other people had no idea that Lucius was weak on the inside.
He wanted to let people know. Maybe then the Dark Lord would just let him go because he knew that Lucius was weak.

Or not.

Lucius laid his head down on the table. He thought. He thought about everything that Narcissa had said to him. He thought about Draco. How could he stop Draco from making the same mistake that he had?

It wasn’t going to be easy, Lucius knew that.

In the back of his mind, something called at him. It tugged and wanted to be let loose. It needed to be let loose. It needed to be put into action. Immediately.

Lucius had hatched a plan.

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Chapter 3

Over that summer, Lucius was very careful to keep his plan to himself. Lucius would be the most loyal, most trustworthy servant to the Dark Lord. But really, he’d be working as a spy.

No one knew, except for Dumbledore of course. That’s who Lucius had gone to. Lucius remembered that night in Dumbledore’s office very vividly.

Lucius had knocked lightly on the Headmaster’s door, nervous about changing sides.

Dumbledore came to the door.

“Ah! Lucius. I am delighted to see you,” Dumbledore had said, somewhat sarcastically.

“Yes. Here I am.”

“Well, come in, come in!”

Lucius walked into the giant cave-like room. Dumbledore sat at his desk and motioned for Lucius to sit also.

“Terrible business, death. Poor Mr. Diggory. Ah, well…. Please tell me why you are here,” Dumbledore said calmly.

“Well, I, ah, have a proposition. And this can only be kept between you and me.”

“I understand completely.”

Then came the first in a series of awkward silences. Dumbledore just twinkled his eyes at Lucius and waited for him to proceed.

“I come across to people as evil, bad. But…,” Lucius trailed off. What was he doing here, telling this insane old man how he was good?

“But?”

“But, I do not want to portray that side of myself anymore. That is truly not who I am. Well, not who I am now, any way. I was bad at one point. When I first joined ranks with the Dark Lord.”

“Please, if you will, use Voldemort’s proper name. If you do not use someone’s actual name, it just shows you are scared.” Dumbledore smiled.

“Ah, yes. I, um, have come up with a plan. Something that we shall both benefit from.”
Dumbledore just raised his eyebrows questioningly.

“Well, I would like to be your spy.”

Dumbledore smiled widely. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“Neither did I,” Lucius mumbled.

It got quiet then.

The Headmaster thought for a while. “What does this spy plan involve?”

“Well, my wife and the Dark Lord, um, I mean… Voldemort… have noticed my behavior changes. I am not as loyal as I once was. By being more loyal, I think… Voldemort would give me more duties and in the end make me his favorite servant. I will have access to much more information than I do now. And when Draco enters ranks with Voldemort, I have a plan for that also.”

“Please, do tell.”

“That is for me to know and only me to know. One little word about my plan for Draco could destroy this whole thing, and in the end kill my whole family!” Lucius said coldly.

The Headmaster raised his eyebrows again, but not questioningly this time. He was startled. Just a moment before, Lucius had been pouring out his true thoughts and the next minute, he was a cold and obsolete as a stone.

“In time, you will come back and tell all,” Dumbledore stated. It was not an opinion. It was not an order. It was a fact.

It was silent for a moment as Lucius fought with himself to control his emotions. He wanted to scream in Dumbledore’s face for all of the things he said to Lucius in the past and present, but he also wanted to tell him more about his plan.

When Lucius had settled, the Headmaster prompted him to speak again.

“Please, go on.”

Lucius took a deep breath. “I will be picking up the slack for V-Voldemort. I will show him that I am loyal and trustworthy. He will then pull me up to the ranks that Bellatrix has been for a long time. He will tell me many more secrets then I will ever have imagined.

“Then, of course, I will bring these secrets to you. You may do as you please with the information.”

Dumbledore pursed his lips. “And why couldn’t Severus do any of this?”

“Voldemort knows that Severus is no longer dependable. He still keeps Severus near him, however, because he is very close with him. Voldemort does not want to lose that. He knows. Yes, he has known since the night he came back, the night Cedric Diggory died,” Lucius said.

There was a long pause. “Haven’t you seen that? How couldn’t you see that Severus is no longer useful in handing over information to you?” Lucius prodded.

“I have had a feeling of something like this. But just my luck, you are here now, coming to help us in our time of desperate need.”

“I will, of course, need your help some of the time. In taking action. What should my next move be? How much closer to Voldemort do I need to get? That kind of thing,” Lucius had a hard time saying that he needed help from the one person that truly annoyed him.

“Oh, yes, of course.”

Lucius stared at Dumbledore and the Headmaster gazed back.

“Please let me know if you need to know anything else,” Lucius said as he stood up and turned to leave the office.

“Goodbye, Lucius. It was a pleasure seeing you,” Dumbledore said with the same manner as he had greeted Lucius.

Lucius was relieved when he had finally gotten out of his office. The tension between them was too much.

And that was how the meeting had gone. Quick, but not easy.

Now all Lucius wanted to do was explain everything to Narcissa. He wanted to tell her that he had accepted that he was not loyal. He wanted to tell her his whole plan.

The only problem with his plan was that he had no idea how to be more loyal. He had worked most of his life to be one of the top Death Eaters and it hadn’t gotten him that far.

He also didn’t know what the first thing he should do was. And Lucius definitely didn’t want to go to Dumbledore for help. He despised Dumbledore. He hated him just for being. He hated him for being so great and wise and all-knowing.

Time, Lucius thought. That’s all he needed. Time. Time would take care of Lucius.

But that still wasn’t enough. He would to go back to Dumbledore. He needed to.

~ ~ ~

The next day, Lucius went back to the Headmaster of Hogwarts.

“Lucius. What a surprise,” Dumbledore said without enthusiasm.

“Yes, well…. I’m in need of help.”

“So soon? You came to me merely three weeks ago.”

“I’ve been pondering what the first step is… and I can’t seem to find it.”

“Ah! So, even after the thought of coming to me for help made you disgusted, you still come?” Dumbledore smiled widely and brightly at Lucius.

Lucius swallowed. How had Dumbledore known that that thought had kept Lucius spinning? “I am in great need.”

“Well, the first move to make is simply to wait. You need Voldemort to come to you, not you him. Once he comes to you, or summons you, the most you can do without agitating him is offer to do just about anything for him. If that involves leaving your family for a long time, so be it. If it invokes that you shall harm yourself, so be it.”

Lucius stared at him wildly.

“It was you who came to me. Remember that.”

Lucius thought over the words and it made sense. But it was all exactly what he already knew to do.

“You want more information? That is for you to figure out.” Dumbledore said while Lucius bawled. “Please, if you will, go now. You have much to think about and I myself have a date with a box of pumpkin pasties.”

Lucius just thought about what a waste of time it was coming to Dumbledore for help. Lucius got nothing out of their little meeting.

As Lucius walked out the door, Dumbledore said one last thing, “Sometimes seahorses can even stand on their own,” and Lucius shut the door.

Lucius pondered that statement. What in the world was Dumbledore thinking? Was he crazy? Yes, he was? Was he foolish? Not necessarily. Was he totally brilliant? Absolutely.

~ ~ ~

“Narcissa?” Lucius quietly called.

For a minute there was no answer, and then there was a soft sound. “Yes?”

“I-I just wanted to let you know that I know that I have not been loyal. But I am going to try to be. I won’t get killed.”

Narcissa came into the room with Draco at her feet. “That’s wonderful.”

“Father wasn’t going to die before,” Draco smirked.

“Hello Draco. What have you been doing all day?”

“Running errands in Diagon Alley with mum.”

“Mmmm…” Lucius said, uninterestedly.

Then as Lucius thought about how disgusted he was with himself for going to Dumbledore, his mood changed completely.

“Where’s that bloody house elf?” Lucius snarled.

Narcissa looked at Lucius perplexedly. Lucius gave her one look and stood up to move to the study.

~ ~ ~

Lucius was in a grumpy mood for most of the summer. He hadn’t been able to start up his plan. The Dark Lord was laying low. But that didn’t make sense because Voldemort wanted to create mass destruction. He wanted to kill people.

Well, I guess he can do all that and make it seem like an act of nature, Lucius thought. But why wasn’t he calling upon his servants? This angered Lucius more. Did the Dark Lord not trust anyone else to do his dirty work? Lucius was the leader of the muggle torture party, so why not let Lucius do a little bit for him?

Did he call upon Bellatrix to do something? Lucius wondered She was, after all, Voldemort’s favorite servant. But why was she his favorite servant? She didn’t do anything extra except beg and grovel at his feet. But didn’t everyone that was scared do that?

Lucius wouldn’t any more.

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