YEAH!
and in 6th grade this girl had a hit list!
boy was i scared! but besides from that there has been no other violence...anyways next year i will go to high school ...

A hit-list? God I hope she went to the counselor.....freaky. I'd be trying to get onto her good side so that my name would be scratched off the list....boy o boy. There is this one kid at my school that everyone hates, but he wouldnt kill himself because he hasnt realized that he's not the most popular crayon in the box....

A hit list, that happened in our grade too. Right after Colembine. He got expelled but now he is back in a school and he is a huge druggie..

well she was a 8th grader at the time, she was expelled and now they say she is going to this correctional center or something... there was no way i could have been on the list because i was new to the school!
some of my friends say this school is cursed

i feel so bad now, my mum has just found out i was cutting my wrists and it was awful. im such a bad person. you had all those people in your class commit suicide, thats so sad. that was the only option for them. its terrible. why does life have to be so cruel. i wish there were two worlds, one where all the bad people were and could hurt each other. and one where all the good people could live and be happy and peaceful, but you still have free will on what you want to do.

suicide is good if u want 2 do it

it is personal opinion

Feeder mate, I wouldn't bother replying to comments like that if I were you. They're designed to get a rise out of people - just ignore it

And that goes for anyone else who was thinking of replying to Scooby's comments too.

Oh wow...this thread is making me so sad...
I am very sorry or anyone who has experience suicide and I send you my condolences. It is a horrible thing--what is happening to kids...I see it in my school too. Some kids just bullying another one for no reason. Its sad and I always try to help the victim, especially when I know the person who is picking on them.

Well, my wishes go out to those who have had to experience this.

-David.

Hi everyone.

I have a story to tell so stick with it:

About three years ago I was having suicidal thoughts and I was seriously considereing doing it. I prayed to God (sorry for those of you who don't believe in him) and I said give me a sign if you wan't me to stay.

That day I went to the ranch I work on and I was still concidering going home and overdosing or something and it started to rain. The sun came out and when I looked into the distance there was a full rainbow. I had never seen one before that was that bright and full.

I kept working and I started to clean this horses stall. I looked up and noticed that the horse I hadn't seen for two years and that I had a very special bond with was standing in the field. I sat with her and rode her for a while.

As I carried on, still slightly depressed, I looked up when I heard this really wierd noise. There was a dove flying above my head and it just kept circling me. That was my first time ever seeing a dove anywhere near where I live. and it circled me for a few minutes then sat in a tree watching me for the rest of the evening.

After all those sighnes there was no way I could do anything to myself. God made it perfectly clear that I belong here for a reason. As do every single one of you. We may not do much in our lives, but anything is something.

Tah
HoofsTails Gal

Ps. Please disregard the signiture. the quote about death relates to my fanfic so it is not supposed to be negative whatsoever. Thanks.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry. This girl in my grade, well her dad killed himself with a gun! I'm like, who would do that? And it turned out because he was just stressed out.

Myself I've never considered suicide, but sometimes I feel like that life couldn't get worse, or better. Whenever something bad happens, I just wish I was dead. Of course, I've never considered it.

I've heard about special spots around the world. They are absouloutly beautiful! People in awe think it's a great place to die, and they just kill themselves right there! Like if it's an ocean with rocks, or a rocky place, they kill themselves.

I know that no one really follows this topic anymore so its ok if you dont reply but i was just wanting some suggestions.

I have been feeling really deppresed lately for no aparent reason and been really sad and deppressed at school and i often get annoyed at my friends.

They addressed me and told me i seemed really sad and that they were worried about me and i really apreciate it but i feel like my best friend is distancing herself from me. I know im probly the one distancing myself from her because i have a distorted perspective or something but it seems like when i really need her most she doesnt see it and just goes off with her other friends or walks away. i need to know how to tell her i need her help and support and how to feel better because i have never been really deppressed before and its awful
thanks

Its difficult, you can't be sure who is distancing themselves from whom but the chances are, as your friends are worried about you, your best friend doesn't quite know how to act or what to say. Does that sound right? Some people find it difficult to cope with other people's depression. One of my best friends has clinical depression, and even though she is on medication she still has bad patches where I know that even though I feel shes pushing me away, she needs me, so I stay with her and personally I do feel awkward because I don't know what to say or do sometimes but I just stay and listen to her. I encourage her to talk about how she's feeling to try to get to the root of it; if there is one.

So you should talk to your best friend about this, explain that you don't mean to be distancing yourself from her and that you really need her to just be there for you. I know that doing this is hard which is why it might be easier to write a letter, an email or even a text? That's what I'd do because Im better with words when they're written.

As for you feeling depressed, you really need to talk to someone about it. Have you thought of counciling or therapy? Maybe try to confide in a sibling or teacher..anyone you can trust? If its an ongoing thing then you could go to the doctor to see what options there are on offer to help you. I hope this helped

Forest_keeper, i offer you a Hug. *hugs!*

What is seems like is that your friend is very worried about you, but doesn't really know how to deal with it. Instead of trying to 'cheer you up' she's distancing herself because she thinks that's what you want.

It's not your fault, and i don't think it'll be her fault either. You said yourself that it's the first time you've felt depressed, so it might be the first time she's had a friend who's depressed as well. What you need to tell her is that all you want is things to act normally, and carry on what they were before, but be understanding that you feel depressed, and merely be there for you.

As for feeling depressed for no reason....hmmm....what country do you live in? If you're up North and it's winter you might have Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is a medical condition, where your skin doesn't absorb the sun's ray's properly enough and can cause depression.

Unfortuanly it's uncurable but there are things that can be done, counselling and light therapy. It's normally found in older teens but the first signs can be found about 14 or 15 year olds.

Of course, you may find that there are things wrong with your life that you might not have thought before. You could try sitting down and making a list of things in your life that you may be unhappy about and try and resolve them?

I hope that you're feeling better soon

Thanks sooo much for replying Ygraine and Luna. that makes me feel a bit happier that someone cares enough to reply. yay. i dont know if i have SAD or not i do live in Washington state and its really really cloudy but i have lived here all my life and i have never gotten deppressed before so i dunno. also im not even 14 so that would be weird.

Nothing really bad is going on in my life it just seems like i have no direction and no point to keep going. like everyday is the same and so many bad things are happening in the world and i dunno i just feel really depressed and stuff its kinda hard to explain just like nothing makes me happy and stuff.

I feel so selfish to be all sad when so many peole have real problems like theyre orphans or in war or theyre mom has cancer but i should be happy because i have a home and a caring family and some friends but im not im just really sad.

Thanks sooooo much again for taking the time to reply. Also, little detail: my friend had depression in 5th and 6th grade and was on meds and everything so she has some experience with it thats why i thought she could help me better than other friends

thanks

Oh, yay! It's good to know you're feeling better! ^^ Always remember that there are people who love you and that some people always have it worse than you. No matter how bad things can get, things can always get better, right? Look on the bright side. When things go down, there's only one direction they can go from there: up!

I am so sorry if this is a bit off topic but i really need some advice.

i was just at a meeting thing at a school i am thinking of going to and at the end of the meeting the pit thing in the stage was open and i guy fell into it. A bunch of blood was pouring out of his head and he was moaning really loud. Everyone was like call 911, any doctors here, etc.

i cant stop thinking about it and getting really upset and scard and thinking of my friends and relatives with blood coming out of their heads. i dont even know if the guy lived or died or what happened and i cant sleep. How do people deal with this in countrys where violence and injury is common? any ideas what i should do i think im in shock.

i am soooo sorry if that was off topic but i really need help and stuff

Oh Lordie. Froest, they're just nightmares and will go away with time. I sometimes get flashes of images of things like that, i remember i had a really vivid one just randomly of me dropping my friends baby. It was really scary.

If this only happened a day or so ago, it's natural to feel scared about it and the memorys to be fresh. It would have been traumatic for you to even watch, and you might find that other people who whitnessed it are feeling the same why as you. Speak to a close friend or a teacher who was there and tell them how you're feeling about it and maybe they can help about it

As for feeling sad and guilty about the world affairs? This may sound really harsh, but don't. Try not to think about the state of the world it'll just make you feel worse. Or if that makes you feel guilty as well (which it does with me ) Join up, or if you're too young, join a mailing list for a charity or a support group. Greenpeace, or Amnesty International, or maybe speak to your mum about it, ask her that you think that this would make you feel better and see about getting a 'family membership'

I joined up Amnesty International as human rights is something i feel very strongly about, and I felt a lot better as I felt that I was doing something to help.

But note: Don't go around and sign up for every mailing list or every charity. Believe me it'll drain your bank account that and your email space. and then you have to go and unsubscribe....sit down at the computer and look through various organisations and join the one you feel most strongly about, one or two

Oh, about SAD is you scroll up, you'll find that I have that disorder, and i started getting the signs when i was about 13 so... But see your doctor about seeing a counsellor as it might help quite a lot.

Thanks Ygraine.

I think my depressions getting worse. i keep crying, even during school i can hardly keep from crying. Ive burnt my hands on hot lamps because it feels good and i just drew lipstick all over my face like in a fit of sadness or craziness or something. I feel like im losing myself. i wouldnt kill myself or anything i'm not that crazy i just hate feeling like i'll never be truly happy. Im going to try to talk to my friend though because she might be able to give me some advice. I know that so many other people are going through this but sometimes i feel so alone. my stomach hurts all the time and i have trouble sleeping but feel exausted the next day. Sometimes i have a few minutes or even and hour where i feel a bit normal but then bad again. I just wish i could joke around and smile and delight in life like before.

*sigh*sigh*sigh*
Everybody needs some fom of escape out of life. Some people's can be detrimental to their health, such as smoking or cutting. Others have things such as music, a particular hobby, or for me, Harry Potter.

I led a pretty much normal life until I hit middle school. Once I was in 5th or 6th grade, I realized I was fat and went on a diet. It worked very well, and I lost over 30 pounds. But from there it got worse. 7th Grade was fine, but when 8th grade came, I got a huge blast of reality. A lot of things started going against me and I needed to escape life. I would just go home every day and sit in my bead and think. I do not know what I would think about, but I would just put myself in a meditational trans and just get away from life (heh, a VTM Forum title ). In person, and I hope on the internet as well, I appear as a very happy person. I am nearly always smiling, and everybody relates me to good things. That was what made it even harder. By the end of the year, the "trans" was not working and I went deep into depression....very deep. I was contemplating doing things that I would previously consider insane. I am not naming any specific details of this because it is kind of personal. Well, I have never told this to anybody except myself, so you can imagine how alone I felt. The summer finally arrived, so I went off to camp where I had completely different friends who I could act around completely naturally. That came and passed with the blink of an eye, and the beginning of this year came. Before I started school, I knew I needed to start with something [healthy] as a form of "escape" for the year because otherwise I just could not last. So, remembering just finishing HP and the HBP in camp, I came to find a forum where I could talk to other people like me about HP and life. Enter Veritaserum. Perfect. Without Veritaserum, I really do not know where I would be with my life. Seriously. I am still in a depression, and it gets bad on some days, and sometimes VTM just can't help. I have a lot of self-control and try to use it, and suck it up. For now it has worked........


So, all of you people out there who are depressed, know that you are not alone. Your fellow VTMers may be experiencing similar things, and sometimes it is good to just talk about it. I'll tell you that felt really good writing what I just did. Do not be shy to post here, because maybe we can help. I may post again another time about other things, but I just feel too uncomfortable to do that now...That was enough up there .......




_daviD

it's actually my first time posting in a thread like this.. =] i hope it goes well.. actually, i haven't had really rough times but i do have my ups and downs.. at the moment, my parents are on the brink of a divorce.. i live with four sisters and a brother.. my eldest being 22 and then the twins at 18.. then me at 15, my younger sister at 14 and my brother at 12.. my youngest sister, man, people can say i "kill" her but... i'd kill for her all the time.. and the thing is.. i would hate to see my family broken up.. i really do.. but sometimes, i think.. maybe it's better that we are broken up because then, people wouldn't get hurt as much.. my dad.. well, he loves my mum a lot before.. but now, i guess the thing is.. my mum changed.

recently, she's never home. =[ seriously, she goes to work but when she does come home, she stays in her room and doesn't even bother talking to us.. other than that, she goes out most nights and her reason? she's going to a "party"... it's really depressing to know that she doesn't even want to be near us.. just then, before i sat in this seat, i was in her room.. and she was saying to herself, "he ****es me off.. just seeing him.. he ****es me off." i instantly walked out of the room but really.. hearing that from someone who supposedly married someone who they "love"..

it really is sad and well.. i can't type this.. it's too depressing. sorry..
it's funny how i can seem happy.. but have all these problems to overcome.. *sigh* and now, everyone is saying i'm too grumpy at the world and i always frown .. [which is really ironic because i was known as the smiling-est girl in my year.. =/] this stinks. =[ i know i can't change them and whenever i talk to my mates, whose parents are separated, they say it isn't that bad.. but imagining not sleeping in the same house with those i've slept with for 15 years ... i even have trouble with my brother sleeping with his friends.. i just.. i just miss them too much.. ...

makes me feel heaps better.. i agree with david, too uncomfortable writing this but it's really helps.. so don't be shy to post.. *smiles*

xoxo*darla

gawsh, David, Darla forest_keeper its good that you can all share your experiences with us because it does help to share. It must be a comfort to other sufferers who are too shy to post to read your stories, because as you can see from your examples people get depressed for so many different reasons. My heart goes out to all of you.

forest_keeper, the fact that you are willing to share how you are feeling, even if on VTM shows that you have the courage to get better. Yes, you should talk to your friend because sharing it with someone who might really understands will make you feel a lot better and less isolated. You could also visit you local doctor to try to get to the root of why you are feeling so down, whether it may be SAD as Ygraine has said or something else. The doctor should have many methods on offer to help you get through your form of depression. Its also natural to be scared about that event and you don't have to feel too guilty about world events. Im part of Amnesty International Ygraine and it really makes me feel like 'im doing my part'; we have to promote it around school and do assemblys, that kind of thing..

David, I hope that your problems have gone, not just for now but for good and VTM helps me escape from life too.

Family troubles are horrible Darla. I know how torn you must feel, on one hand you want things to be calmer at home and you want people to stop getting hurt but on the other hand you want to be a family together. Talk to someone, a member of your family who you know won't get angry at you for expressing how the situation is distressing oyu, a teacher, a friend. There are a lot of people who keep this kind of situation bottled up but the more you do the worst you will feel inside.

You're young. Why is there a need to be depressed? You may be feeling a cold empty shell inside of you, but that's not depression. I feel it too sometimes. I feel alone sometimes, like no one can help me. Sometimes I find myself being confused with my own feelings. At random moments I break into tears. A sudden memory pops up in my head. Perhaps of the aloneness I feel. This happens when I'm around people.

It's not that I'm depressed. No no no. I'm a cheerful person and I look at the good things in life. I have my own journal. I write in it everyday, or try to, and it lets the emptiness out.

On my birthday we went for a dinner, and I went to the restroom where once again, I broke into a sudden burst of tears. Why I didn't know. Past events maybe? But then my cousin came in and followed me. She can be felt as a nosy person, but I'm glad that she is nosy.

She asked what's wrong, and I didn't know. I just felt the tears in my eyes roll down my cheeks. Why I didn't know. Maybe because my dinner order was wrong, or perhaps some other memory of mine...*shudders*

The thing is...Everyone thinks that kids can't be depressed, in your case, or in my case, dealing with problems. I wish it were true, but so much is going on in this world...It just gives me the need to shed my own tears.


Everyone has something going on. I don't know what it is for me. No one knows how I've been feeling but my older cousin. Not my parents, teachers, or freinds. I haven't seen a counslwer, and I don't plan to.

What do you guys do to stop you being depressed? I just used to cut when I went through a bad time, I've had counselling, still do, and I do get depressed at times and I do think about cutting but I don't, but I just wondered what you did? Do you scream in a pillow, did you punch walls, write things down? I don't want to tell me story again but if any one wants to read what I have been through you can read it here, just scroll down to my name and you can read it.

It doesn't always help much, but I try to remember that better times will come again.

I got really depressed a couple of years ago and I'm still working through it. I had a boyfriend who turned out to be a stalker (he scared me when I was with him, scared me worse after I broke up with him!) and I was really afraid of him. I was afraid to go to college so I failed all my courses and lost my 4.0 GPA. I was afraid to leave the house! I used to push my exercise bike against the door at night so I could feel safe! It was hard. It didn't help that another man seemed to like me after that, but he was only using me. I also seemed to have this weird year of friend after friend betraying me! Hard, hard, hard...

What blew me away was that I never thought I could get depressed again like I had when I was a teen! And after awhile, I realised that part of my feeling depressed came from feeling like I was not in control of my own life. One thing that helped me feel better was to get out and enjoy the outdoors, even if it was only late at night when I wouldn't have to greet other people on the sidewalks.

I also try to stay busy, so I don't have as much time to feel lonely. Finally, I realised that I am an independent woman and this is my life, and I can take it back! I don't have to let these people hurt me--after all, they've moved on and are feeling no pain, so why should I suffer!

It isn't all over...the things we go through, the effects of abuses, they don't just go away because we wish they would. It's OK to be kind to ourselves though, and allow ourselves time to work through depression, and to notice the little improvements when they happen. I can now go out and about and not worry who I might run into. That's a good sign.

For teens, I would hope you remember that you won't always be stuck under other people's thumbs!--that someday you will be able to make a life all of your own, and choose the people you want in it, and do things at the pace you feel comfy with. You won't be forced to live with abusive people, or go to a school where people are jerks to you. I don't depend on my family--I couldn't as a teen and nothing has changed. But I do depend on myself. I see myself as a friend, goofy as that sounds. Hey, you are the one person who will always be there for you! Take good care of yourself!

Dear James_Potter,
I used to do that too and I'm sure you're going through a very hard time. But cutting isn't the answer and in the end it'll only hurt you more.
Depression is so hard and it is even harder to get over it, to handle it. Now, what you can do, when you feel really, really low, is create your island. I mean by that, give yourself some happiness for only 5 or 10 minutes. Sometimes just buying a nice coffee and a muffin, then eating it somewhere nice with a good book gives you 5 minutes of happiness where you feel save and warm. Give yourself a treat once a day. Different treats. Be good to yourself and allow yourself moments of happiness. Then they get bigger and you can open up.

Will you try that for me?

I hope you'll be okay.

Last year I was in a major depression. You can actually read it on the top of this page if you'd like.

Now I am out of it and I am sincerely happy. I still get down on myself once in a while, but I am through with it.

James -- I feel your pain intensely. I know much of what you are going through, and your story is too familiar to me. I would cut myself as well. Only a few times, and not very deep. I had it under control. Which is why people cut themselves, anyway, right? To control something in their lives. The same way that people over-eat when they get depressed, or spend a lot of money. It is something that they can stop or start at will.

One day when I was in my depression, I was about to cut myself, when I stopped. I almost threw up right there. I still remember the feeling -- it was not a good one. I just sat there and thought about what I was doing. How disgusting it was that I would hurt my own body, just to make myself feel better. Why would I do that?

So, what did I do to relieve some stress? I talked to somebody about my problem. My friend. It turns out he could relate to some of what I was going through. He also admitted to me that he cut himself before, too. We both agreed to never do it again in our lives. It made me feel better knowing I was not the only one with problems -- one of my best friends had some too.

So, James, please stop! I know what you are going through! So many people do! But so many of them have learned to stop! If you want to talk some more, feel free to PM me. Maybe it would make you feel better to know my story.

I also agre with what Olivia said: find some time to yourself! Do something that you like to do, alone. There are ways to get through it!




_daviD

Jeez, I'm sorry all of this has happened to you guys. The best advice I can give is to talk to someone (a councellor or therapist), as many of you have already done or mentioned. You let all your emotions out that way, without harming anyone (including you and you tend to come to certain revelations about yourself in the process), and you can speak how you want and about what you want. When I say therapist, I don't mean a psychologist, which I know a couple people who get them mixed up. A therapist won't 'analyze' you or anything...in fact, I went in thinking the same way...

I can't find the post, but I told about my story in the 'heart stopping moments' topic.

Some pieces of advice are to...

-talk to someone, anyone, but a therapist definitley helps
-have some time to yourself if you need it
-don't be afraid to speak your mind if you feel pushed around or being picked on, that includes telling someone when you're picked on or feel bad or whatever
-do something that you enjoy to pass the time (shoot hoops, play video games)
-enjoy time with friends

no joke...feel free to PM me with any problems you have that you want to discuss...doesn't have to be formal or anything...you can even rant if you want

Wow, I'm deeply sorry that all of this happened to you guys. I think that the best way to work through it is to find a really good friend that you can talk to and rant to, that is what helps me. Whenever you're feeling down it's nice to have at least one person who knows everything about you and can help you work through it. If anyone ever needs someone to talk or rant to they can PM me at anytime, seriously.

I don't think that I have ever been depressed, but I've been pretty sad lately and I wanted to tell someone. My story seems silly compared to everyone elses, but I'm going to tell it anyway. My parents just got divorced and my dad moved away to Ohio and now I only get to see him once a year if that. I really miss him and I barely ever get to talk to him. He had a daughter before me who he doesn't even talk to anymore and I don't want him to forget me too. My whole family has broken into two: my sister, my dad, and his girlfriend out here in Ohio, and my mom, my brother, and I in Colorado. Now my mom wants to marry this man that I absolutely hate and my friend is so sad that she's making herself sick. I'm ok and everything, I just wanted to tell someone. I'm usually a really happy person, but I'm out visiting my Dad and I leave in a few days and I was feeling kind of sad. My friend is gone at poms camp and I needed to tell someone so I did. Well, that's it.

Oh, and james pickles, I read your story and I'm so sorry that all of that happened to you. It made me cry and I'm glad everything is working out for you.

HP_RULES, that sounds really similar to what happened to me when I was a teen. It can be really hard! My dad took off with a woman he was having an affair with. He never asked to see me, and my mom had to take him to court before he would pay any child support for me. After nine months, I asked to see him, and he then blamed me for not visiting sooner! Excuse me, just who was the grown-up here?

My mom hooked up with, believe it or not, the soon-to-be ex-husband of the woman my dad ran off with. He was a mean and miserly jerk who hated any kids that weren't his, females especially (since, as females, we would never amount to anything anyhow). It didn't help that I looked a lot like my dad, with his Irish good looks. But my mom didn't care how he treated my sis and me, because he took care of her needs. He is still like that, and my own dad is still a jerk. As a result, all these years later, I haven't talked to my dad in 16 years, and now my sister won't talk to my mom anymore.

Please know I know how you must feel! And know too that we can't help the weird families we get born into, and we can't change other people's behavior. We can acknowledge that things are not as we would like them to be, and we can grieve for the sense of loss, but, at least in my case, I had to cut some of those unhealthy ties, and unrealistic expectations, so I could move on. I don't talk to my dad, I keep my mom at arm's length so I don't get so angry with her stupid husband that I stop talking to her (as my sis did). And, honestly? I try to be the best mom I can be to my son, so he doesn't have those same scars!

Please keep your chin up, and go on with your life as best you can! I know it can be really painful, but as you said, you have a good friend to talk to--and you have us here at VTM too! For people like us, those special friends can replace the family members who hurt us and don't support us. I wasted a lot of time trying to make those family members act as I wanted them to. I don't suggest it. As Olivia and I suggested, take care of yourself, even if it's just to do a little something nice for yourself everyday. It really does help!

Aww I feel so bad that you have suffered, it is evil, pure evil. Aethonon, you sound like a great mum to me, how old is your child? You should be really proud that you want to raise him out of all the suffering that you went through and I think it is really brilliant and you must have been brave to survive all that evil. I'm sorry HP_RULES, I didn't mean to make you upset. laudine, I will do that for you, and thanks for all your support. I am so sorry about everything that has happened to you.

I am so sorry guys =((( Reading all this made me realized how lucky I am to have the family that I do. Despite those little and not-so-little problems. I almost forgot that..

I have been in a depression quite a few times. It wasn't as serious as some of you described, but I felt pretty miserable. What you have to remember is that depression is mostly a state of mind. From a healthy prespective, the situations usually seem much less desperate. So try to regain that healthy perspective, first of all, if you want to get out of the depression, and try to have only positive thoughts. The reality is, it is often our own will that can put us on the right track again. Personally, I have ended my misery quite a few times by simply saying to myself - "Ok, I don't want to be so sad anymore. I want to be that happy person again and I will be." - and sort of forcing myself into a normal state.
And, of course, don't keep all your emotions bottled up. That can be very harmful, although I didn't believe it at first. I was a very private person, thinking that I shouldn't share how I feel with anyone - maybe I thought I would be safe that way, I don't really know. But then came a time when I couldn't hold it in any longer, so I poured my soul out to a friend. I don't know how, but he managed to say all the right things and gave me all the encouragement that I needed and I will be grateful to him for that until the end.
And the last little bit - try to take your mind off your troubles. Go out with your friends, go to the movies, start writing. Whatever makes you think and makes you happy.

I hope someone can learn from my experience. Keep positive

Sorry to hear that has happened to you guys. I know I dont think I have ever been in a deep or mild depression, Ive always seemed to control that like how I control on eating, and sleeping. I mean, if depression is sad because you cant see someone or your family member has died then yah Ive been through that. Its Terrible. I recommend just a therapist or someone like your mom,dad or even best friend to talk to you. I mean its alright just talk to someone to let it all out, Then go out and get something to eat. Like when my best friend died I was upset and didnt want to talk to anybody. My mom took me out to get something to eat and went and saw Spiderman 2, I felt better. So all you need is to talk to someone and get out of the house, get some fresh air and have some fun with the ones you love.

Thanks a lot, especially to you Aethonon. You really do seem like a great mom and I'm really sorry about what happened to you. I just wanted to say thanks because you helped me out a lot, I feel a bit better now. It's nice to know that despite everything that happened to you, you can still be such a nice person. I really do feel better, thanks for the support.

Oh, and don't worry about it james pickles! Sorry your friend died Spencer Potter, I don't know what I'd do if I lost a friend.

A little something else. I'd like to remind everyone that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. A cliche, I know, but it is true. It is the troubles we go through and the problems we deal with that make us better, stronger people. In the end, that is why we will come out on top - above all those who treated us badly. Don't forget that.

I'm really sorry that all of you have to go through this. I've been depressed for the last 9 months or so but I'm starting to feel a bit better now. I've been in counselling and I guess that might have helped. Not sure really. I used to cut myself too and I know it helps but if you can help it, don't. There are other ways to feel better but everyone has to find there own ways and it's very hard.

Just remember- don't ever give up and as my grandmother tells me- pamper yourself. Remember to treat yourself like your grandma and best friend, even if it seems stupid.

Please, any time you feel sad go ahead and PM me or anyone else you feel like. I really hope you feel better and good luck. I know you have it in you to smile. Everyone here is so strong and so cool and I know you can do it!

James,

I read your story. I'm so sorry that you have to go on feeling this way. I have been dealing with depression my entire life starting at the age of 16, when my sister attempted suicide. I myself have never experienced it first hand, although I came very close to falling during my 13-month-long tour in Baghdad from 2004-2005. Nothing hurts more than being so far away from the ones you love most in this world. For me, it was my wife, my daughter and my son. But things do get better. All you have to do is persevere. I did. I made it through my deployment and I'm now happily reunited with my wife and crumb-snatchers!

There is one thing that I want you all to know and that is that you are not alone. You are NEVER alone. I'm putting this out there right now: if anyone ever EVER wants some one to talk to, please send me a PM and I'll be more than happy to try and help any way I possibly can, even if it means just lending an ear or a shoulder to cry on. I've seen my sister and wife spiral down at an unimaginable rate because they thought they were alone. We are a family at VTM. At least that's how I feel. I'm still trying to get familiar with my new "family members" but I get a strong sense of cohesion from this place. If I didn't I don't think I'd spend much time here. As it is, I peak in every spare second I get to see what's going on.

Please, James (and anyone else who feels like he feels sometimes); stay strong and try not to cut. Every time you feel like you want to, just PM me (or some one else) instead and gloat about how you just overcame your urge to cut .

Always willing to listen:

Zophael

Aww thankyou, we are a big family and I feel the same way as you. The last time I felt like cutting was a few days ago actually, I don't think about it that much because of my school counsellor but it is holidays so I am starting to lean towards it but I know I won't do it. The only reason was because me and my friend decided to make a blood oath and that included cutting ourselves across our palms, I have to do it for her she is sqeamish. But we needed blades, so she bought some sharpeners and I smashed them and got the blades, I felt depressed that night and I kept thinking, well I have blades..but I know there are better ways to cope with things, and plus, I have a link for online counselling, it isn't a chatroom, it is just a one to one chat with a counsellor. If anyone wants the link just PM and I will give it to you.

It's fantastic that you didn't cut yourself and if you do ever need anyone to talk to then feel free to PM me! Oh gosh, the blood oath thing sounds scary (I'm scared to death of blades and blood and I would have passed out), but if it helps you then that's great too! Keep staying strong and don't forget to smile!

~Chels~

I love smiling, there is nothing better than smiling..The thing is, I always felt ugly, mentally and physically, I hated my feelings inside, and I hate my looks on the outside..now people actually say I am not as ugly as I thought and that I am quite 'hot', a few people who have seen me on webcam say I am really good looking and a few of my friends think I look nice, and it has boosted my confidence and it is a nice feeling to feel like that. So many bad emotions and I have been so hurt, and now when I feel happy, it is amazing, I am a different person, I am happy alot of the time now but now and again I do get upset and depressed but it is just 'one of those times'. A smile is like an angel as my friend always says. And when I smile I feel so good.

That's good to hear, James. It was good to hear from all of you! Forest_keeper, I am glad to hear that you are feeling a little better, Zophael, that you made it back safely from the Middle East (hope they don't make you go back!), and bluess, your advice is spot-on.

Thanks for your sympathies about what happened to me. It took awhile to get over, and I got sort of sidetracked in my youth because of the lack of support, such as getting through university and such, which no one would help or support me on.

But I really only talked about it because I really wanted the younger people among us to realise that they won't always have to live with these family situations--that they can break free and strive! You just have to be strong enough to get through adolesence (sp?), which is really strange, because the media and everyone hype it up as being such a great old time, when in fact for many people it can be the hardest time in your whole life!

James, that's so cool that you're finding out you are attractive! It was fun for me when I got beyond high school, and realised that I wasn't a cow, pig, or dog, as the boys at school had called me. So stupid, too! I ran into some people from school later in life, to have them say, "You know Darcy, I actually thought you were pretty cute, but you were just too weird to ask out. " Whatever. Dorks. lol

Oh yeah, I have a son who will be 20 soon, and his name is James as well.

I'm glad that everyone is feeling better and I know that on Sunday when I can leave my Dads house I will feel better too, but right now I am a bit depressed and couldn't sleep so I thought I'd post (it's like 3am). I know before I said that I was worried that my Dad was going to abandon me, but at times like this I kind of wish he would (I know it sounds absolutely horrid). Most of the time he's really nice, but when he gets mad the things he says to me really hurt. He was yelling and saying things like he hated me and what a disgrace I am to him and the way he looked at me made me crumble. His eyes when he says things like that make me think that he really does hate me. I try to overlook them when he comes up to grumble an apology, but I don't know how to get over it. It hurts knowing that somewhere in his heart he doesn't like who I am. I'm usually such a happy person, but at times like these I don't want to get out of bed. I know I just need to get through two more days, but I needed to tell someone and this was the only place I could think of considering the fact that it's the middle of the night. No one has to post anything about this, I'll be able to forget about him soon enough, I just needed to talk about it so I could sleep.

This is a long one so bare with me.

Chels, I know you said no one needs to respond to your post but after reading it I felt the need to do so. Now, I'm a father of two. As a father of two wonderful kids, most of the time I think to myself: I can't see how anyone in their right mind could say mean, hateful things to their babies. Don't get me wrong, though, (and I'm sure Darcy, a.k.a. Aethonon, can back me up on this) there are times when my kids have me to the point where I want to scream hateful things at them. But to do so would be letting my emotions have control of me instead of the other way around. That's not to say that parents don't slip up and say things that they don't mean. Quite the contrary, actually. If something like that happens then of course the right thing to do is apologize but there are two parts to each apology, aren't there? There's the easy part: Saying it. I think the majority of us have that one down, don't we? Enough said on that part. Then we have the hard part: Meaning it. This is one part that some of us don't quite have the hang of yet. See, some of us are so used to flinging out "I'm sorry" in every direction that we've forgotten the purpose behind it, which is to actually let the person to whom we are apologizing know how sorry we are that we did something. I find it difficult to accept apologies from those who wrong me and then throw out an "I'm sorry" as some sort of lip service. You don't mumble, grumble or in any other way slur an apology for Pete's sake!

Anyway, my point is, I guess, to let you know that if your dad has these sort of outbursts often and doesn't really regret it afterward then there may be something wrong with him psychologically. I know this because I am a father and I can tell you now with every part of my soul that no parent, NO PARENT in their right mind can truly hate their own baby, regardless of things that baby has said or done. I hope you understand that your dad probably doesn't mean any of that nonsense and he only says those things to help him deal with his frustration with his inability to understand and/or relate to every single thing you do. If his apoolgies are half-hearted, it could be that he doesn't care... yes, that's possible. It is also, however, highly unlikely. It seems more probable that your dad has a bit of a problem with swallowing his pride and "manning up" to the mistake he made by saying he hated his baby and calling his baby a disgrace. That's something he needs to just get over.

I don't want you to think I'm making excuses for the guy or anything. What he said to you is unacceptable and is all kinds of wrong. For that, there is no excuse. I'm only trying to help you understand his reason for saying them. The difference between an excuse and a reason is that an excuse actually has the power to absolve some one of guilt. A reason, on the other hand, does not. It simply provides others with an understanding. That's what I offer now: a little help in trying to understand what was going through your padre's head when he was saying that stuff.

Your dad doesn't hate you, Chels. I'm sure he loves you very much and is just having trouble understanding the young adult version of his baby right now. I'm sure you and your dad will figure out what needs to happen in order to enhance your understanding of one-another. It takes one thing: Communication, the key to Understanding. You may only be 16 but it could take you having to be the grown-up by taking the first step (and quite possibly the second, third, and so on before he finally makes a move) but eventually I'm certain it will pay off in the end. And if it doesn't, do like Darcy recommended and "break free and strive."

Sorry for taking so long to get all that out; I truly feel like I'm talking to a new family here and this is what I would say if it were my brother, cousin, or whomever.

And to Darcy, thank you very much, young lady, for welcoming me back from Iraq. I hope they don't send me back again as well. I don't think I could stand being away from my little crumb-snatchers for another 13 months. I already feel like I missed so much (i.e. my son's 1st birthday). Maybe I'll sneak back to Leeds and hide out there until the war's over... Haha, just kidding.

And James, I'm glad to hear (read) that you're doing so well. Keep it up. Remember my offer to talk anytime I'm available. That goes for eveyone!

Anyway, that's enough of me for now. Take care, everyone.

Ben (a.k.a. Zophael)

Thanks, I guess he doesn't hate me. He was a lot nicer to me today and I do only have a little time left with him before I go home. Your post helped out a lot, there are just those times when I dont know what to think and it was nice of you to help me.

Chels, It's my very great pleasure to be of service. I am glad it didn't come across too much like I was preaching. I'm also very happy to hear that your father was nicer to you today. Hopefully he will make your last few hours with him pleasant before you have to depart.

This goes to all: I'll always be here with an ear to bend. Please feel free to use it.

With care,

Zophael

I was pondering this question (something I do alot) and I wanted to ask of your opinions..What do you think happens when you die...Reincarnation, heaven, Karma, spirit world, hauntings (ghosts)..? What do you think?

Well, I think you go to heaven. But then again, wouldn't heaven get full? My gosh, I shouldn't have started this reply, because now I feel like I have to finish it and it's just confusing me! Aahhh! Maybe I'm right, but maybe not. No one really knows, unless they died, and then they can't tell us! Argh! Okay, I'm going to be done now .
-T-
PS If anyone wants to, feel free to PM me as well. I can try to help. If anyone wants it, that is.

Wow, I've thought about this a little bit before but it scares me so I try not to think about it too much, but I think that when you die you go to heaven. I am not very religious, but you spend so much of your life working hard and stressing out and being hurt that it's nice to think that there is a greater place you can go to where there isn't any pain and everyone can live together peacefully and happy. I always thought there was something greater that we are all working towards, like living is a test of your purity of heart. If after all the suffering people go through at the end of the day they can still be happy and appreciate life then you deserve to go to heaven. That's a really good question and I'm not totally sure, but I like the thought of heaven. James: what do you think?

Wow, this could practically be the start of another thread!

I think that this idea of what happens to our soul after death is based largely upon religious beliefs. I'm a Buddhist, so bear with me...if you don't want the Buddhist version, you can skip this post.

Buddhists believe that a soul that isn't thoroughly enlightened will be reborn. That means, the instant you die, your soul goes to a new fetus, of whatever being you need to be to learn the lessons you need to learn.

No one can predict where you will end up. Some say that if you are cruel to animals, you will be reborn as an animal, so you can see that animals suffer from cruelty. That way you will hopefully go into your next life with compassion for the suffering of animals.

In Buddhism, there are many places to be reborn, not just here on Earth, but perhaps another planet. Perhaps in one of the immeasureable heavens or hells--in Buddhism there are many of each of these. In any case, neither of those are permanent either. Eventually, even if it takes a million years, your time there will end. If you're not fully enlightened, you will start again somewhere else.

And if you are enlightened, you reach Nirvana, which is simply--nothingness. No heavens, no hells, no rebirths. You simply dissipate and cease to be. Many people are afraid that that is what awaits us all--nothingness. But that is because we cling to life and the things of this world. For Buddhists, it is the highest goal, because life anywhere can be wearying, what with the constant striving and struggling for happiness and having to suffer and die.

HP_Rules!--Buddhists talk a lot about the suffering of this world, too. That even what we think is good can eventually lead to suffering. But a lot of it is in what we choose to consider suffering. This sounds weird, but Buddhists think it's a good thing to experience suffering. They think it's easier to find Nirvana here on Earth, than say, a sublime heaven, because there you don't get a chance to understand what real suffering is. Likewise, in a nasty hell, it's impossible to experience pure joy. Here on Earth we can find out what both are like, and the comparison is a good lesson.

Anyway, that's the Buddhist take, for the most part. Don't know if it helped. Hopefully!

Wow Aethonon you are gonna get me good marks when I do Buddhism in Religious Studies for my GCSE's..I will read your post later though because I have only read half of it because I have to go now..But I can quickly say what I think is going to happen. To be honest, I have many different beliefs..I believe you will go to heaven, I believe in karma, so I finally came to the conclusion about soul mates..I think your soul goes to Purgatory where it suffers to purge all of it sins and then it turns into something else, but your soul goes back to reincarnate and whatever the soul has turned into prior it goes to heaven or hell. Sort of like a 'soul mate'.