What bits did you find funniest?

Hi there,

Have you read the rules page yet? One-liner is not allowed on board. So is netspeak ('bk' for book in the title). I've edit the title for you, though. Please be careful next time. Now, I could've swear I've seen this topic before but i couldn't find it again for the live of me. I'll let it pass for now.

"Well, obviously, she's feeling very sad, because of Cedric dying. Then I expect she's feeling confused because she liked Cedric and now she likes Harry, and she can't work out who she likes best. Then she'll be feeling guilty, thinking it's an insult to Cedric's memory to be kissing Harry at all, and she'll be worrying about what everyone else might say about her if she starts going out with Harry. And she probably can't work out what her feelings towards Harry are, anyway, because he was the one who was with Cedric when Cedric died, so that's all very mixed up and painful. Oh, and she's afraid she's going to be thrown off the Ravenclaw Quidditch team because she's been flying so badly."
A slightly stunned silence greeted the end of this speech, then Ron said, "One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode."
"Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have, " said Hermione nastily, picking up her quill again.


"You will now be escorted back to the Ministry, where you will be formally charged, then sent to Azkaban to await trial!"
"Ah," said Dumbledore gently, "yes. Yes, I thought we might hit that little snag."
"Snag?" said Fudge, his voice still vibrating with joy. "I see no snag, Dumbledore!"
"Well," said Dumbledore apologetically, 'I'm afraid I do."
"Oh, really?'
"Well - it's just that you seem to be labouring under the delusion that I am going to - what is the phrase? - come quietly. I am afraid I am not going to come quietly at all, Cornelius. I have absolutely no intention of being sent to Azkaban. I could break out, of course - but what a waste of time, and frankly, I can think of a whole host of things I would rather be doing."
Umbridge's face was growing steadily redder; she looked as though she was being filled with boiling water. Fudge stared at Dumbledore with a very silly expression on his face, as though he had just been stunned by a sudden blow and could not quite believe it had happened.


Dragons comprised entirely of green and gold sparks were soaring up and down the corridors, emitting loud fiery blasts and bangs as they went; shocking-pink Catherine wheels five feet in diameter were whizzing lethally through the air like so many flying saucers; rockets with long tails of brilliant silver stars were ricocheting off the walls; sparklers were writing swear words in midair of their own accord; firecrackers were exploding like mines everywhere Harry looked, and instead of burning themselves out, fading from sight or fizzling to a halt, these pyrotechnical miracles seemed to be gaining in energy and momentum the longer he watched.

"We won't be seeing you," Fred told Professor Umbridge, swinging his leg over his broomstick.
"Yeah, don't bother to keep in touch," said George, mounting his own.
Fred looked around at the assembled students and at the silent, watchful crowd.
"If anybody fancies buying a Portable Swamp, as demonstrated upstairs, come to number ninety-three Diagon Alley -- Weasley's Wizard Wheezes," he said in a loud voice. "Our new premises!"
"Special discounts to Hogwarts students who swear they're going to use our products to get rid of this old bat," said George, pointing at Professor Umbridge.


"Did you not understand my note, Minerva?" asked Professor Umbridge in honeyed tones, quite forgetting to cough.
"Of course I understood it," said Professor McGonagall, her teeth clenched so tightly the words came out a little muffled.
"Well, then, I am confused… I'm afraid I don't quite understand how you can give Mr Potter false hope that -"
"False hope?" repeated Professor McGonagall, still refusing to look round at Professor Umbridge. "He has achieved high marks in all his Defence Against the Dark Arts tests -"
"I'm terribly sorry to have to contradict you, Minerva, but as you will see from my note, Harry has been achieving very poor results in his classes with me -"
"I should have made my meaning plainer,' said Professor McGonagall, turning at last to look Umbridge directly in the eyes. 'He has achieved high marks in all Defence Against the Dark Arts tests set by a competent teacher."
Professor Umbridge's smile vanished as suddenly as a light bulb blowing. She sat back in her chair, turned a sheet on her clipboard and began scribbling very fast indeed, her bulging eyes rolling from side to side. Professor McGonagall turned back to Harry, her thin nostrils flared,
her eyes burning.

Yup agent pretty much summed it all up for me there. My favorite of all those is the Fred and George escape though. Nice work Agent, that must've taken a while.

Yeah, it took a fair bit of time. There is one other I forgot about though that I really like:

Mrs. Weasley was wiping her face on her apron, and Fred, George, and Ginny were doing a kind of war dance to a chant that went "He got off, he got off, he got off---"
"That's enough, settle down!" shouted Mrs. Weasley, though she was smiling.

......

"I don't think he'll be able to, Ron," said Mrs. Weasley, setting a huge plate of roast chicken down in front of Harry. "He's really very busy at the moment."
"HE GOT OFF, HE GOT OFF, HE GOT OFF---"
"SHUT UP!" roared Mrs. Weasley.

i like the way P. McGonagol is towards Umbridge! now that was soo funny! especially when she was talkin to him about his career!

MOD EDIT : Please read the rules before posting again - netspeak is not allowed in the forums. "2" should have been "to" which I've now edited. Please type in full next time.

oh, this is my fave book. i think ive put some of these in the fave quotes bit, but i'll find some different ones.

Agent, you did a great job there. i love all those bits too. i'll see if i can remember some others... good thing i have an archive of my fave quotes in my documents...

‘’S’up, Figgy?’ –Mundungus Fletcher (for all it's simplicity)

He thought she looked just like a large, pale toad. She was rather squat with a broad, flabby face, as little neck as Uncle Vernon and a very wide, slack mouth. Her eyes were large, round and slightly bulging. Even the little black velvet bow perched on top of her short curly hair put him in mind of a large fly she was about to catch on a long sticky tongue. –Narrator p134 ( an awesome description. i hate her already...)

“Have a biscuit, Potter.” –McGonagall p223 ( so random!)

‘Well, we’ve all turned up to learn from him and now he’s telling us he can’t really do any of it,’ he said.
‘That’s not what he said,’ snarled Fred.
‘Would you like us to clean out your ears for you?’ enquired George, pulling a long and lethal looking metal instrument from inside one of the Zonko’s bags.
‘Or any part of your body, really, we’re not fussy where we stick this,’ said Fred. p306 (the twins rock my socks)

‘Er – I don’ want ter be rude,’ said Hagrid, staring at her, ‘but who the ruddy hell are you?’
‘My name is Dolores Umbridge.’ p385 ( so does hagrid, at times like this!)

Ron and Hermione’s prefect duties also became more and more onerous as Christmas approached. They were called upon to supervise the decoration of the castle (‘You try putting up tinsel when Peeves has got the other end and is trying to strangle you with it,’ said Ron), to watch over the first- and second-years spending their break-times indoors because of the bitter cold (‘And they’re cheeky little snot-rags, you know, we definitely weren’t that rude when we were in first year,’ said Ron) and to patrol the corridors in shifts with Argus Filch, who suspected that the holiday spirit might show itself in an outbreak of wizard duels (‘He’s got dung for brains, that one,’ said Ron furiously). p398/9 (come to mention it, ron rocks my socks too! *laughs* "dung for brains...")

‘… Umbridge tried to get back into his office last night after they’d searched the castle and grounds for him. Couldn’t get past the gargoyle. The Head’s office has sealed itself against her.’ Ernie smirked. ‘Apparently, she had a right little tantrum.’ p551 ( justice for umbridge - well, a little at least...)

Indeed, a week after Fred and George’s departure Harry witnessed Professor McGonagall walking right past Peeves, who was determinedly loosening a crystal chandelier, and could have sworn he heard her tell the poltergeist out of the corner of her mouth, ‘It unscrews the other way.’ p598 (mcgonagall so reminds me of a teacher from my old school. she's a classic!)

‘I must say, I’m looking forward to seeing Malfoy’s mothers face when he gets of the train,’ said Ernie, with some air of satisfaction, as he watched Malfoy squirm above him. Ernie had never quite got over the indignity of Malfoy docking points from Hufflepuff during his brief spell as a member of the Inquisitorial Squad.
‘Goyle’s mum’ll be really pleased, though,’ said Ron, who had come to investigate the source of commotion. ‘He’s loads better-looking now.’ –p762 (serves them right too!)

that's all i think i'll do. don't wanna fully exhaust the list! but they're all so funny. i love them!!!!

my favorite part had to be the part with the swamp fred and george let loose that was hillarious then just taking off on their brooms. That was the best thing they ever could have done with Umbridge in there.

"HAHAHHA!!!!!!!!! HARRY!!! WE SAW URANUS UP CLOSE! URANUS UP CLOSE HARRY!!!!"

I loved the part where McGonagall told Peeves that the chandelier unscrewed the other way. That made me chuckle. My favorite part was when Fred and George leave. I love how they were so dramatic.

There's lots of funny parts in that movie, but most of you guys took them, Remember in POA when Sirius had Harry Hermione and Ron in the shreaking shack, well that was hillarios whe Sirius was like, Sirius: Peter Petegrew is in this very room, he's right there!( points at Ron)
Ron: Me? That's mental! I couldn't hert a flie with a fly swatter.
Sirius: "sigh" Not you you idiot! Your rat. It's an animagus!

lol! I also like Luna in the 5th book, she's funny in that kinda emo way. She makes everyone uncomfortable like this time.
Harry:We worked together to try and defeat the death eaters and that's what counts.
Luna: Thanks Harry. I Never get told anything nice because I have no friends and people call me loony but you are very nice to me. Everyone knows I'm a loser.(she smiles, as everyone else feels uncomfortable not knowing what to say)
Harry: er.... want a chocolate?
lol

here's a funny part. it's with luna in the 6th book commentating for quidditch

Luna: and that's smith of hufflepuff with the quaffle, he did the commentating last time, ofcoarse Ginny Weasley flew into him, I think probably on perpose - it looked like it. Smith was being quite rude about Griffindor, I expect he regrets that now he's playing them - oh look, he's got the quaffle, Ginny took it from him, I do like her, she's very nice...(Harry stared down at the commentators podium. Surely, nobody in their right mind would let Luna lovegood commentate? But even from above there was no mistaking the dirty-blonde hair, or the necklace of butterbeer corks... Beside Luna, Proffesor McGonagall was looking slightly uncomfortable as though she was indeed having second thoughts about this appointment.) " But now that big Hufflepuff player's got the quaffle from from her, I can't remember his name, it's something like Bibble - no buggins-"
Professor McGonagall: It's Cadwallader! (she said loudly from beside Luna. The crowd laughed. Harry stared around for the snitch; there was no sign of it. Moments later, Cadwallader scored. McLaggen had been shouting critisism at Ginny for allowing the quaffle out of her possession, with the results that he had not noticed the large red ball soaring past his right ear.)
Harry: McLaggen, will you pay attention to what you're supposed to be doing and leave everyone else alone!
McLaggen: You're not setting a great example!
Luna: And Harry Potter's now having an argument with his keeper (Slytherin and Hufflepuff cheered below) I don't think that'll help him find the snitch but maybe it's a clever ruse... (then Cadwallader scored again which tied teams, but Luna didn't seem to notice; she appeared singularly uninterested in such mundane things as the score, and kept attempting to draw the crowd's attention to such things as interesting shaped clouds and the possibility that Zacharias Smith who had so far failed to maintain possession of the Quaffle for longer than a minute) he's suffering from something called Loser Lurgy.
Professor McGonagall: Seventy - Forty Hufflepuff! (she screamed into Luna's microphone)
Luna: is it already? Oh look! The Griffindor keeper's got hold of one of the beater's bats.


lol. Luna's stupidly funny

I found the Fred and George escape to be the MOST funniest scene! It's funny how they advertise their shop location right in front of Umbridge! And they also talked about discounts for students who use their products on Umbrige! Fred and George are the funniest, trouble-makers in the book and on the screen.

i liked when ron made the hoof noise with his tounge after umbridge had been attacked by the centaurs, it was such a harmless pay back for a terrible year, just to scare her with a simple noise.

I liked the bit where Harry went in the pensieve in the chapter "snape's worst memory" and harry saw his dad, lupin,sirius,snape and pettigrew all doing their O.W.L.S. The bit that made me chuckle was when the marauders asked lupin what he wrote for the exam question of how to describe a wolf, and then Remus Lupin said that he described himself instead.

My favorite line in the book, which still makes me laugh even after reading it a billion times, is when Harry and Dudley are walking home from the park at the beginning of the book, and Harry is questioning Dudley about beating up Mark Evans:

"Did he say you look like a pig that's been taught to walk on it's hind legs? 'Cause thats not cheek Dud, that's true!"

Oh it makes me laugh every time! I also love all the times McGonagall and Umbridge are together.... McGonagall really lets her have it... too funny!

The absolute funniest part of book 5 was Luna's commentary. That line where McGonagall shouts, "It's Cadwallader," was fantastic. Add that to Loser's Lurgy and you have a classic moment.

the funniest part of the book had to be when Fred and George left school. I love the fact that these books are serious and funny. i laughed so hard at that part. Fred and george are absolute Champions!

This isn't in book 5 it's in book two, but it made me laugh so hard because, well...It's dudley

“You c-can’t — Dad told you you’re not to do m-magic — he said he’ll chuck you out of the house
— and you haven’t got anywhere else to go — you haven’t got anyfriends to take you —”
“Jiggery pokery!” said Harry in a fierce voice. “Hocus pocus — squiggly wiggly —”
“MUUUUUUM!” howled Dudley, tripping over his feet as he dashed back toward the house.
“MUUUUM! He’s doing you know what!”

The funniest moment was definatly when, on the Hogwarts Express, Ron made that joke about Goyle doing lines, and Luna Lovegood nearly had a heart attack. I can picture it now... if they put that in the movie, I think I'll be laughing as hard as Luna.

Sorry this is not directly from the text. But this is the funniest part I think out of OotP, I cant even remember if its from HBP but.......

"You're dead, Potter" --Draco

"Oh really, you'd think I would of stopped walking then" --Harry

That's book 6, but yes that part is hilarious! hehehe. everyone seems to of listed everything *pouts* darnit! Everything Fred and George do is always hilarious. Book 5's comments are all hilarious from them not to mention the stuff ron, harry and hermione all say and do. book 5 has a LOT of comedy in it once you think about it. but everyone's already marked off all the things i loved in book 5, mcgonagall too!!!the comment in book 6 i love is when filtwick sends seamus to do lines "i am a wizard not a babboon brandishing a stick." lol!!!

Hmm, I found that Snape's Worst Memory was pretty funny. I think it was supposed to be. And no, I don't mean the Snape incident, I just mean the way the Marauders act all the time. So laid back, funny, cracking jokes at Peter...

Yes, Luna's comentary was nice.

i definitely agree with you, the way they acted was very funny. *just remembered* Sirius' comment about putting the snitch away to James before Peter wets himself! XDD hehehe

MORE LUNA COMMENTARY!

ok i read this part when harry is with the DA in the room of requirement

but its not exactly right because i dont have my book with me!

its something like
Ron: I disarmed you hermione
Hermione:..yea if you count tripping over your own feet and knocking my wand out of my hand

I would be gratefull if someone posted what she actually said!.....*cracks up laughing*...i dont know why i find that soo funny probably because i can imagine her sayin that!!
HAHA

I have a couple of favourite parts in the books:

- The time when Mrs. Weasley finds out Ron is prefect and says that that's everyone in the family. Then George replies "What are Fred and I - next door neighbours.

-When Vernon asks Dudley when he finds out about the dementors "Got rid of it did you? Gave him the old one two?"

-On the first day of school when Ron goes "Oy midgets!"

And a couple of others which have already been mentioned like the Fred and George to Zacharias Smith quote and when Hermione says to Ron just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean everyone else has.

My favorite part of the movie, as some of you might know (*cough*D.A*cough) would be the Fred/George escape, but whose isnt?

I do have a question though, I just was reading OotP, and don't remeber seeing the 'Loser's Lurgy' part, can someone tell me where that is, or is it where Luna does the commentary? If it is then nevermind i know where that is. Wow that was some horrid writing!(Mine not JKR, don't kill me!) I feel so lame.

Oy! And sorry, but I am gonna break the rules...I am going to mention a non 5th book entry. Of course, it would be the Ron in bed sequence. I am paraphrasing, NOT direct quote.

Ron: The spiders, the spiders want me to tap dance! I dont want to tap dance!
Harry: You tell those spiders Ron...
Ron: Oh, I'll tell them....I'll tell them *snores*

Bwuhahahahaha!!!!!

haha i know your favourite moment indeed...hehe
and yes it is the comentary where luna says "loosers lurgy"....lol

ok the one i put before is still the funniest one to me ..but let me think of another...hmmm....

Snape: I didnt realise your name was Roonil Wasib.....*something to that extent!...sorry no book with me *
Harry: er..yea thats my nickname


lol

muahaha
D.A

the part i think is funniest is when mcgonagall is walking down that corridor and peeves is on the chandilier and mcgonagall tells him that it unskrew thwe otherway

an other one is this:

"thats enough!" hemione said forcefully to fred and george, both of whom lokked upin mild suprise.
"yeah, you're right" said george, nodding, "this dosage looks strong enough doesn't it?"

These are a few parts I really like, I'm awful sorry if someone else has already posted them...

"How long have you been 'Big D' then?" said Harry.
"Shut it," snarled Dudley, turning away again.
"Cool name," said Harry, grinning and falling into step beside his cousin. "But you'll always be Ickle Diddykins to me."

"Don't put your wand there, boy!" roared Moody. "What if it ignited? Better wizards then you have lost buttocks you know!"
"Who d'you know who's lost a buttock?" the violet-haired woman asked Mad-Eye interestedly.

"Simply fabulous," he whispered, indicating the automatic ticker machines. "Wonderfully ingenious."
"They're out of order," said Harry, pointing at the sign.
"Yes, but even so..." said Mr. Weasley, beaming fondly at them.

"Ow kunnit nofe skusin danger ifzat?" (lol this is when Ron's talking with his mouth full! cracked me up)

"Ron, we're supposed to show the first years where to go!"
"Oh yeah," said Ron, who had obviously forgotten. "Hey--Hey you lot! Midgets!"
"Ron!"
"Well, they are, they're titchy..."

"Look what we've got today," said Ron grumpily, shoving his schedule under Fred's nose. "That's the worst Monday I've ever seen."
"Fair point, little bro," said Fred, scanning the schedule. "You can have a bit of Nosebleed Nougat cheap if you like."
"Why's it cheap?" said Ron suspiciously.
"Because you'll keep bleeding till you shrivel up, we haven't got an antidote yet," said George, helping himself to a kipper.

lol thats all for now dont want this to be too long!

One cute parts is when Fred and George flee and Fred yells:
"Give her hell for us Peeves!"

But by far my favorite part (which has to do with Fred and George of course) is:
"You're a prefect? Oh Ronnie that's everyone in the family now!" - Mrs. Weasley
"What? Are Fred and I the next door neighbors?" -George Weasley

Haha! That parts makes me laugh everytime!

I love the fifth bok i think it is very funny. I love the " another lesson like this I might just do a weasley" and my absolute favorite is when ron makes prefect and molly says "Thats everyone in the family!" and george says "What are fred and i, next door neighbors?" genius. I think its also quite funny when harry is being angsty. The whole weasley twin send off is always good if in need of a chuckle.

Hmmm...
My favorite part in general is Dumbledore's wit throughout the series. However, in OotP, I have to say that it comes close between 'What are Fred and I, next door neighbors?' and 'One dead, one's memory modified, one sacked and one an imposter. Yeah I see what you mean'

ohh i love all of it ok few of the funniest bits are:

"Thats everyone in the family!" and george says "What are fred and i, next door neighbors?"

"We won't be seeing you," Fred told Professor Umbridge, swinging his leg over his broomstick.
"Yeah, don't bother to keep in touch," said George, mounting his own.
Fred looked around at the assembled students and at the silent, watchful crowd.
"If anybody fancies buying a Portable Swamp, as demonstrated upstairs, come to number ninety-three Diagon Alley -- Weasley's Wizard Wheezes," he said in a loud voice. "Our new premises!"
"Special discounts to Hogwarts students who swear they're going to use our products to get rid of this old bat," said George, pointing at Professor Umbridge.

"give her hell peeves"

oh yeah when they are in the hogs head and ginny imitates umbridge's little cough lol the infamous hem hem lol


lol when harry is screaming at hermione and ron and the twins walk in and tell him that he shouldn't bottle up anger like that lol the twins are even more awesome in the OotP

oh my gosh those are some of my fav parts of that book.
but, i also found when harry started smashing DD possessions and he tells him to go ahead and destroy them he has too many possessions a little humorous and i have no idea why =]

i have a thread like this but its a poll and its for all the books not just the fith one... my favorite was when harry and duddley walked back from the park and harry asks about duddley getting cheek and also when harry congradulates duddley for learning the days of the week..oh and when the twins ask Mrs Weasley if they are next door neibours and when harry tells snape there is no reason to call him sir.

Fred and George escaping was very funny I think its the best part. I was reading it many times again

okay its so weird ive actually caught myself showing emotion while readin hp.

i usually just sit there with one of those simple expresions while reading books.

i think myparents got a shock wen i started lol, thats the part wen the twins asked if they were next door neighbours..........

I usually tend to love every line said by Fred and George. They are two most witty characters in any book there ever was. Er, maybe JKR is the most witty author then. . .anyways. I also like when Hogwarts was falling apart in the 5th book and McGonagall told Peeves like, "It screws the other way." I was like, you go Minerva! I also like when Fred and George leave and say to Peeves "Give her hell for us, Peeves" and Peeves obeys! I was like, wow! Awesomeness.

I also like when they are in the Dursleys fireplace and they get stuck!

"What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?"
"Oh no, Ron," came Fred's voice, very sarcastically. "No, this is exactly where we wanted to end up."
"Yeah, we're having the time of our lives here," said George, whose voice sounded muffled, as though he was squashed against the wall.

Hey everyone! Here's a new topic to enjoy!
I was wondering what are your favourite moments from the books? Please post them here under quoted and tell us why!

OOO the first to reply!!

Ok my favourite moment from the book is in OoTP when the DA is in the room of requirement! (I cant find the actual quotes but its something like this):

Neville disarms hermione

Hermione: well done neville

Ron: ive disarmed you before hermione!

Hermione: Ron i hope your not counting the time you tripped over your own feet and knocked it out of my hand!!

(Ok thats probably completely wrong but somewhere along those lines!)

I dont know why but i love that part because it makes me laugh sooo much!!...its probably not even that funny but i crack up all the time when it gets to that bit!!


D.A

Snape: Do you remember me telling you we are practising non-verbal spells, Potter?
Harry: Yes.
Snape: Yes sir
Harry: There's no need to call me sir, professor.


Now that was hilarious!

And Ron babbling after the brains... Primary, I know, but... it cracked me up!

These may not be word for word, but the gist is there:

Harry: 'Have you ever heard of the Half-Blood Prince?'
Lupin: 'The Half-Blood What?'
Harry: 'Prince'.
Lupin: '...There are no wizarding princes, Harry...Is this a name you're thinking of adopting? I should have thought 'The Chosen One' would be enough.'


"What are Fred and I, next door neighbours?!"

Harry: 'Nightime...that's what we call it when it gets all dark like this.'

Tonks: 'You see?! He's been bitten, and she still wants to marry him!'
Lupin: 'It's different! Bill won't be a werewolf, the cases are completely diff--'
Tonks: 'But I don't care Remus, I don't care! I've told you a million times--'
Lupin: 'And I've told you a million times, I'm too old for you...too poor...too dangerous...'

Aww! *sniff* Gets me everytime...

Ooooo...I have many moments in the books I love but as I have PoA handy Id like to quote my favorit part in this...

"Right Neville,...First things first: what would you say frightens you most in the world?" Proffessor Lupin.
Neville's lips moved but no noise came out.
"Didnt catch that, Neville, sorry." said Professor Lupin cheerfully.
Neville looked around rather wildly, as though begging someoneto help him, then said, in barely more than a wisper, "Professor Snape."
Nearly everyone laughed. Even Neville grinned apoligetically....
"Professor Snap...hmmm...Neville, I believe you live with you grand mother?"
"Er...yes, But I dont want that boggart to turn into her either."
"No,no you misunderstand me,...I wonder could you tell us what sort of clothes your grandmother usually wears?"
................
"When the boggart burst out of this wardrobe, Neville, and sees you it will assume the form of Professor Snape,"said Lupin. "And you will raise you wand-thus-and cry 'Riddikulus'-and concentrate hard on your grandmothers clothes. If all goes well, Professor Boggart Snape will be forced into that vulture-topped hat, and that green dress, with that big red handbag."
.................
"Everyone ready?" said Lupin
................
They all retreated, backed against the walls, leaving Neville alone besides the wardrobe. He looked pale and frightened but he had pushed up his sleeves of his robes and was holding his wand ready.
"On the count of three, Neville" said Lupin "One- Two -Three_now!"
................The wardrobe burst open. Hook-nosed and menacing, Professor Snape stepped out, His eyes flashing at Neville.
Neville backed away, his wand up, mouthing worlessly. Snape was bearing down upon him, reached inside his robes.
"R-r-riddikulus" squeaked Neville.
There was a noise like a whip crack. Snape stumbled: he was wearing a long lace-trimmed dress and a towering hat topped with a bulture, and he was swinging a huge crimson handbag.....

No matter how many times I read or watch this I cant help but Laugh...I know its long but I cut it down as much as I could and still quote the story.

I would have to say that the one of the funniest lines is in OOTP and is said by Phineus Negalus (SP?) when he's talks to Harry and calls him a "Proud Puffed-up PopinJay.

I liked the part in HBP when Harry told Snape that there was no need for him to call him sir...
I liked the What are Fred and I? Next door neighbors??
I like all the scenes that Luna is in...
But my favroite funny scene was when Luna was commentating the Quidditch match... Losers Lurgy!!! LOL!

I'm really surprised that no one has mentioned Neville's Boggart experience.

"Er - yes," said Neville nerviously. "But - I don't want the boggart to turn into her either."

Snape stumbled; he was wearing a long, lace-trimmed dress and a towering hat topped with a moth-eaten vulture, and he was swinging a huge crimson handbag.
There was a roar of laughter.....

The story of the boggart assuming Snape's shape, and the way that Neville had dressed it in his grandmother's clothes, had traveled through the school like wildfire. Snape didn't seem to find it funny.

The one that makes me laugh every time:

"Who wouldn't want a pet that can sting, bite, and burn you all at the same time?" Draco Malfoy

"oh yeah when they are in the hogs head and ginny imitates umbridge's little cough lol the infamous hem hem lol"

I've read OotP three times and I jump and laugh with the students every time!
then

I loved that Draco one!!!!!

"Born under - what, sorry?" said Harry.

"Saturn, dear, the planet Saturn!" said Professor Trelawney, sounding definitely irritated that he wasn't riveted by this news. "I was saying that Saturn was surely in a position of power in the heavens at the moment of your birth....Your dark hair...your mean stature....tragic losses so young in life...I think I am right in saying, my dear, that you were born in midwinter?"

"No," said Harry. "I was born in July."

And speaking of Professor Trelawny;


"DEATH, my dears."

Parvati and Lavender both put their hands over their mouths, looking horrified.

"Yes," said Professor Trelawney, nodding impressively, 'it comes, ever closer, it circles overhead like a vulture, ever lower...ever lower over the castle...."

She stared pointedly at Harry, who yawned very widely and obviously.

HBP. Come on! It has to be the whole "Won won"'s christmas present incident...

Ron was sitting bolt upright in bed and examining what appeared to be a thick gold chain.
" What's that?" asked Harry.
"It's from Lavender, " said Ron, sounding revolted. "She can't honestly think I'd wear..."
Harry looked more closely and let out a shout of laughter. Dangling from the chain in large gold letters were the words 'My Sweetheart'.
"Nice," he said. "Classy. You should definately wear it in front of Fred and George."
"If you tell them," said Ron, shoving the necklace out of sight under his pillow, "I'll - I - I'll -"
"Stutter at me?" said Harry, grinning.

Also, the Hermione/McLaggen business...

"Oh, I've just escaped - I mean, I've just left Cormac," she said. "Under the mistletoe," she added in explination, as Harry continued to look questioningly at her.
"Serves you right for coming with him," he told her severely.
"I thought he'd annoy Ron most," said Hermione dispassionately. "I debated for a while about Zacharias Smith, but I thought, on the whole -"
"You considered Smith?" said Harry, revolted.
"Yes, I did, and I'm starting to wish I'd chosen him. McLaggen makes Grawp look a gentleman. ..."

I giggle every time.

"Your dead, Potter."
"Funny, you would have thought I'd stopped walking around."

Sorry if its not an exact quote but it makes me laugh everytime. [: